83: Managing Emotions with Grace & Truth

Raise your hand if you have a “big feeler” in your house or if you are one yourself. Strong emotions can be beautiful and God-given, but when feelings take the driver’s seat they start making decisions they were never designed to make. I’m unpacking a simple anchor that has helped our family: emotions are indicators, not dictators.

We get practical and a little nerdy about how the brain works, including why humans often make decisions emotionally and then justify them intellectually. I walk through the difference between the “feeling brain” (reactive and immediate) and the “thinking brain” (intentional, discerning, built for self-control), and why Christian emotional regulation is really about letting Scripture, reason, and reality shape what we do with what we feel. Along the way, I share real parenting moments, like talking about crushes and dating with my daughter by letting facts inform feelings, and why naming these brain dynamics can help kids slow down and choose wisely.

Then we tackle a word that’s everywhere right now: empathy. We talk about how to weep with those who weep without surrendering discernment, why love is more than affirmation, and how Jesus models truth and grace together. You’ll hear simple conversation tools like listening without jumping to correction and asking clarifying questions before responding.

If you want a Christian perspective on emotional health, critical thinking, and discipling kids in a noisy culture, this one will meet you right where you are. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs steadier ground, and leave a review with the biggest takeaway you’re putting into practice.

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Transcript

Leanne Tuggle 0:00

Raise your hand if you have any big feelers or emotions in your home. Well, we can't see each other, but my hand is raised, and I am willing to bet that yours is too. And here's the thing: those big feelings are valid and important, and they can't be the rulers of our lives. Emotions are indicators, not dictators. Today I want to talk about something that has been on my heart and mind for a little while now, especially as I look around at our world and the current political climate. There are a lot of feelings

Big Feelings And A Better Guide

Leanne Tuggle 0:50

and emotions circulating. And while emotions and feelings are important, we also cannot forget to use our whole brains and utilize our critical thinking skills as well as our emotional faculties. Proverbs 14, 29 puts it this way: Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly. For the purpose of this episode today, I want to break down thinking versus feeling and perhaps even provide some clarity that might help you navigate some of the big feelings that you or maybe someone in your family might be dealing with. And since a lot of this content is made up of multiple conversations that I've had with my children, two of which are very big feelers, I am including some practical strategies that might come in handy when you are discipling your children too. Over the last handful of years, I have found myself gravitating towards books that help to explain how the brain works. I find the brain to be fascinating. And I know that that makes me sound like a nerd, but I'm okay with it. If I had to guess, I think that my interest in the brain started with a sales training course that I took a few years ago. I found the content to be incredibly helpful in understanding what makes me or anyone want to buy something. For example, I learned that people usually feel compelled to buy something out of an emotional response to what that product or service can do for them. And that makes sense, right? I think about commercials I see

Why We Decide Emotionally First

Leanne Tuggle 2:51

or just different advertisements. Like think about the Super Bowl and those commercials that have kind of like that emotional pull or that kind of, you know, make you feel a certain way. It makes you more intrigued. It makes you want to look at that product, it makes you curious about that product or that service. So the interesting part of this is that the part of your brain that is in charge of your emotions is not capable of articulating decisions. So somehow the feeling part of your brain has to trigger the thinking part of your brain in order for this to happen. Now, all of this means that people tend to make decisions emotionally and then justify those decisions intellectually. Now, the question that you might be asking yourself is okay, so what? Why should I care about any of this? Well, over the last several years, I have noticed a trend in greater emotionalism. And maybe you've noticed this too. Maybe you've seen or heard statements like, follow your heart, live your truth, trust your gut, do what feels right, follow your inner voice, live with no regrets. These are all very emotional statements. Now, I do think it is important to note that emotions are a gift from God. In fact, emotions are one of the things that set us apart as humans from other created things. Jesus also experienced emotions while here on earth. We read about his compassion, grief, even his anger

Culture’s Emotional Scripts Versus Truth

Leanne Tuggle 4:38

all throughout the Gospels. Our ability to have emotions is good and beautiful. And yet, emotions are a lot like toddlers. They're fun and cute, but they definitely should not be in charge of anything, right? The Bible tells us in Jeremiah 17, 9, that the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? So this tells me that following my heart might not be the best idea, in the same way that I wouldn't let my three-year-old make decisions for our whole family. They're just not going to be in the best interest for everyone. The authors of the book, Mama Bear Apologetics, put it this way. I love their way of writing this so succinctly. It says, emotions can be valuable for discovering truth as long as they are informed by scripture, reason, and reality. Here's an example. My daughter just finished fifth grade and she will be starting middle school in the fall. So there have been a lot of topics coming up in conversation about dating and crushes. Now, it's not that she's wanting to date anyone just yet, but she's curious about it and she's observing different behaviors from some of her peers. So during one of our conversations about crushes, I told her that it is best to let facts inform our feelings. And I went on to explain that she might have a feeling or even an attraction to another person and that that is perfectly normal. But then I encouraged her to observe that person. How does he behave in class? Is he respectful to his teachers or to other

Let Facts Shape A Crush

Leanne Tuggle 6:33

adults? Is he kind to his siblings? This is a way of informing your emotions. Is this the type of person that you would be interested in dating someday based on the observed facts as well as the feelings? Emotions can be powerful reinforcers, but we cannot let our emotions be the sole decision makers. Somehow, we have to engage the thinking part of our brains as well. Or another way to put it is that our emotions are valuable when they are disciplined according to scripture, reason, and reality. Earlier this year, I decided to engage my children in a conversation about the difference between good pictures and bad pictures. I'm aware of the statistics that indicate that the average age of exposure to pornography is getting younger and younger every year. And I want to ensure that my children are informed and prepared. Now, as a side note, I recognize that this is a tough subject matter for many parents. And so I actually have an episode that will be coming in a couple of weeks, detailing a bit more about how you can have this type of conversation with your children. So stay tuned, that is coming up soon. But as we were discussing this subject, we got to talking about the thinking brain and the feeling brain, two very different and yet equally important parts of the brain. The feeling

Feeling Brain Versus Thinking Brain

Leanne Tuggle 8:07

brain, also known as the limbic system, is a part of the brain that honestly keeps you alive. It is reactive, it's instinctual, and it's immediate. It makes you feel desires like hunger or thirst, and it makes you want what you believe you need. But the biggest weakness of the feeling brain is that it cannot differentiate between right and wrong. The thinking brain, also known as the cerebrum, which includes the prefrontal cortex, is what helps you solve problems and use self-control. It is intentional, discerning, and capable of being anchored in truth. So, in short, the thinking brain helps to regulate emotions and feelings. So we need both aspects of these parts of our brain to work together with the thinking brain ultimately being in charge. And as believers, we can take this one step further and apply what it says in Colossians 3:2. Set your minds on things that are above and not on things that are on the earth. Which brings us to the hardest part of the conversation today. What about empathy or the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes? I feel like empathy is almost like a buzzword these days. Everyone is talking about how we need to have empathy for others. And I agree, we do need to have empathy, but we also need to have discernment. Romans 12, 15 says, rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. So you can sit with someone in their pain without standing with them in their sin. We need to let the facts inform our feelings and not let our feelings about a certain person or a circumstance cloud our ability to

Empathy With Discernment

Leanne Tuggle 10:14

think critically or pressure us to make compromises to what we know is biblical truth. Our culture today often defines love as affirmation, while scripture defines love as truth and grace. John 8 provides a beautiful example of this. The Pharisees had presented Jesus with a woman who had been caught in adultery, and he protected her dignity while showing her compassion. And he said, Go and sin no more. I think that's an important distinction to see and recognize there. He did show her love, he did show her compassion, and he also very clearly told her to sin no more. So practically speaking, I have found that when I am engaging in conversation with people or when I want to be empathetic to someone while also practicing discernment, it is very helpful to listen to others without immediately correcting them. Ask clarifying questions to be sure you really understand where that person is coming from. Let this be a part of facts, informing your feelings and using discernment alongside your empathy. You do not have to endorse what contradicts the Bible. Instead, you can speak truth gently and wisely when appropriate. Remember that it isn't loving to abandon God's standards, and it's not unloving to uphold them. Romans 12, 2 says, do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, and then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, his good, pleasing, and perfect will. This verse describes transformation of our thoughts when we are in alignment with scripture, reason, and reality. It's about learning to discipline our emotions so that they reinforce what God says is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy, like we find in Philippians 4.8. Be aware of your emotions without being ruled by them. Invite the Holy Spirit into your emotional responses so that you can filter your feelings through biblical truth. 2 Timothy 1.7 says, For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. As I wrap up this little bit shorter episode today, I hope that you are inspired to maybe think about these things a little bit more. Perhaps even reflect on the role that your emotions play in your life currently. Are there any emotional assumptions that you may need to replace with biblical truth? And it probably goes without saying, but I'll put this reminder out there anyway. Being in the Word every day helps you to be able to discern what is true and then what is counterfeit. Emotions are a gift from God. Empathy can be used for good, but both our emotions and our empathy must be anchored in scripture, reason,

Renewing The Mind And Next Steps

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and truth. Something that I encourage you to ponder this week. What is one area where your emotions tend to lead? And how can you begin to bring that under the authority of truth this week? A scripture for you to savor. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.