Origami Elephants

In this episode, we hear from a renowned PhD clinical psychologist, adjunct professor in psychiatry and psychology, and research scientist. Our guest begins with a brief guided meditation. Using gentle reflection, she helps us envision a metaphorical treasure chest of our most precious memories. This treasure chest meditation may allow us to revisit and hold close a boundless moment from our lives, a moment that brings comfort, meaning, or connection. She then shares the story of her client who found healing through sacred moments. Thereafter, we explore the significance of these moments in therapy, their role as counterweights to trauma, and how they can serve as anchors of hope and purpose. She talks about the importance of creating a safe space for clients to explore their spiritual dimensions, as well as the potential for sacred moments – sometimes called a ray of sunshine or a calling home – to heal.

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Transcript

Prelude

Guest (00:00)

She noticed a truck approaching this intersection with a stop sign in its path, but the truck didn't stop. So she slammed on the brakes at the intersection but knew it would be too late. They were going to crash. Except she said the road parted. It expanded. And her car went right around the truck which she said would have been impossible because there were ditches on both sides. There was no room to do that.

Show Introduction

Nate Houchens (00:49)

Hi and welcome to Boundless Moments, the storytelling podcast that brings sacred moments to life through the voices of those who lived them. I'm Nathan Houchens. Support for Boundless Moments comes from the Sacred Moments Initiative. 

At Boundless Moments, we are careful to ensure that all stories comply with healthcare privacy laws. Details may have been changed to ensure patient confidentiality.

All views expressed are those of the person speaking and not their employer.

Some stories featured on Boundless Moments may contain themes or content that could be upsetting for some listeners. We encourage you to use discretion and take care of yourself while listening.

Introduction: Guest

Nate Houchens (01:34)

In this episode, we hear from a renowned PhD clinical psychologist, adjunct professor in psychiatry and psychology, and research scientist. Her current work involves the oversight of grant-funded clinical trials on loneliness interventions for geriatric psychiatry patients. These interventions are spiritually integrated and feature a sacred moments protocol. She has over 25 peer-reviewed publications on mental health, and her research and practice involve third wave cognitive behavioral therapy and spiritually integrative care. She also has served as a consultant on an initiative supported by the John Templeton Foundation that equips mental health professionals with the competencies to address the religious and spiritual dimensions of people's lives. 

Our guest begins with a brief guided meditation. Using gentle reflection, she helps us envision a metaphorical treasure chest of our most precious memories. This treasure chest meditation may allow us to revisit and hold close a boundless moment from our lives, a moment that brings comfort, meaning, or connection. Meditation is a deeply personal experience, and not everyone may feel drawn to this kind of practice. We encourage you to listen to your intuition and decide for yourself whether you wish to participate. If you do, please make sure you're in a quiet and safe space where you can turn inward without distraction. This meditation is not suitable if you're driving, operating machinery, or engaged in any activity that requires your full attention. 

Following the meditation, our guest shares the story of her client who found healing through sacred moments. Thereafter, we explore the significance of these moments in therapy, their role as counterweights to trauma, and how they can serve as anchors of hope and purpose. She talks about the importance of creating a safe space for clients to explore their spiritual dimensions, as well as the potential for sacred moments – sometimes called a ray of sunshine or a calling home – to heal.

The Treasure Chest Meditation

Guest (03:59)

In these next few minutes, I will walk you through a guided meditation. You're invited to participate in this experience, but you can also choose not to meditate today. If you have unwanted memories of bad events when you close your eyes, you might find this activity inappropriate for you at this time. Instead, you might focus on my voice with your eyes open. You're welcome to do whatever feels safe for you. Now let's begin.

Just breathe.

Settle into your seat with your hands resting comfortably and see if your feet can touch the floor.

You can close your eyes if you feel comfortable doing so. Or you can settle your gaze on a space that's close to you.

And allow your attention to begin to turn inward.

You can always return to your breath when you feel lost or when your mind wanders.

Breathing in and out.

Remember that there is no right or wrong way of doing this.

Just breathe.

See if you can picture a treasure chest in your mind. This treasure chest contains your most precious memories. Consider the size of your treasure chest. How big is it? How heavy? Maybe your treasure chest is made of wood, wicker, or lined with fabric. Notice its colors and how it sits in your mind.

Inside this treasure chest are your memories. Here are your life's treasured moments, collected in one place.

Maybe you open your treasure chest and there are snapshots, moving pictures, and you begin sifting through your treasure chest of memories.

As you move through your memories, see if you can find one sacred moment.

Maybe you had a special encounter with someone.

Maybe you were outdoors.

Maybe it was in a piece of music.

Or perhaps you were doing something seemingly ordinary.

This is a moment in time that feels set apart from the others.

When you connected with something greater than yourself.

Maybe a moment that lifted you up.

A moment that feels timeless.

A moment that opened your heart to something really real.

A moment of deep connection.

And maybe as you hold this moment in your mind, the edges of it even glow.

Now imagine this moment washing over you and into you, warmly enveloping you into the sacred memory, drawing you into your sacred moment.

And maybe you are wholly absorbed into the scene.

In your sacred moment, notice what's ahead of you, behind you, and around you.

Recall the sounds of this moment, the temperature… any tastes, fragrances, or movements in the scene.

Breathing in the sacred moment and drawing what you need from it.

Whether that be comfort, meaning, or love.

Taking in all that you need.

And continue to be in the sacred space for this next couple of breaths…

Now that you have been filled by this moment, allow yourself to let go of it until next time.

It will always be there for you.

And you can return to your treasure chest at any time.

Now gently turn your attention outward, into the room, into the present, and all through your body.

And when you feel ready, you can open your eyes, gently moving and stretching as you need.

The Story: Origami Elephants

Guest (11:40)

I had been providing psychotherapy for a woman with chronic suicidal feelings. During one of our sessions, she disclosed that she was on the verge of killing herself. And so far, I'd been using routine evidence-based methods that seemed to help her move through these crises, but she certainly was not thriving. It was more like she was drowning in waves of emotional pain.

For decades, she had been hampered by the weight of significant childhood trauma. Among many acts of abuse, her parents would lock her in the car with the windows up and begin chain smoking. These fumes from the cigarettes caused burning sensations in my patient's eyes and likely contributed to her facial and lung cancers now many years later.

After safety planning, I asked my patient if anything ever happened to her that felt like a sacred moment. I described these as moments in time that are extraordinary, precious, and may have a spiritual quality to them. You can think of them like a gift, where you are imparted with some kind of wisdom about life or yourself.

She cocked her head to the side and lifted her eyes as if remembering something special. And then her face lit up. She said yes, and she began to tell me about her trip to feed the hungry.

She explained that several years ago she would come home from work at a different time every day, but there would be a commercial playing on TV about feeding the hungry. It felt to her like an unusual calling. She had no money and few resources. But a short while later, some money arrived in the mail, $500 to be exact. She had no idea what it was for, but she decided to use it for this mission to feed the hungry.

So she packed up her car and headed down a back road to the location. She noticed a truck approaching this intersection with a stop sign in its path, but the truck didn't stop. So she slammed on the brakes at the intersection but knew it would be too late. They were going to crash. Except she said the road parted. It expanded and her car went right around the truck which she said would have been impossible because there were ditches on both sides. There was no room to do that. But she survived and so did the trucker. They both came out of their cars astonished. And she went on her way. She said with this feeling that she was on the right path.

And many other moments like this occurred to her during this trip. She said that she figured from these moments that she was meant to be here, and she's here to learn how to be happy and to help others. 

We began integrating these sacred moments into the context of her life. My journal prompt for her was to try to make sense of these moments alongside your childhood trauma. How do they go together?

A week later, she greeted me in the hospital lobby with a big grin on her face. She announced, I don't want to kill myself anymore. And this transformation has endured for over a year, in spite of multiple cancer recurrences. She is now physically active, reconnected with herself, in a loving partnership, and giving to her community.

Interview

Nate Houchens (15:49)

I wanted to follow up more on this story about your client and about this really incredibly transformative moment on this trip where she gained so much. I'd love to ask you a little bit more about that if I could. In particular about your approach to her therapy. And I wonder when you realized that the familiar psychotherapeutic tools that can be helpful for so many didn't seem to be helpful for her, I wonder, what do you think it was within you that led you to ask about her sacred moments?

Guest (16:29)

Sure. So in that moment after completing a safety plan with her, it felt right to ask about her life in a wider context. We know that suicidality is associated with a narrowing of perspective, and trauma especially is such a negatively valenced weight that I felt was on her soul. So my thinking was that a sacred moment could function as a counterweight.

So in a sacred moment, we know that there's transcendence versus the insignificance that people can feel in a trauma. There is boundlessness in the sacred moment, in contrast with how limited you are, how small you feel in trauma. There's ultimacy in the imparting of wisdom versus the imposition of beliefs in trauma that's rooted in abuse. There's connectedness in a sacred moment versus the isolation or dissociation that people feel. And then finally, in the sacred moment, we have spiritual emotions like awe and uplift versus the terror that's associated with trauma. So it just felt right in that moment.

Nate Houchens (17:42)

I really appreciate how you describe some of the duality in these moments in our lives. It's a nice way to conceptualize, I think, the difference between the sacred moments that many of us have experienced and then really the traumatic as well.

Guest (17:57)

Yeah, yeah, I like to kind of picture it as, you know, balances on a scale almost, right? Like it doesn't undo the trauma, there's no erasing a trauma, but it is it is a kind of weight that is on the side of light.

Nate Houchens (18:13)

I love thinking about it that way. I wonder if you could tell us more about your discussions about sacred moments with her and with others. In your opinion, what does sacredness mean in the context of suffering?

Guest (18:30)

So I think my job is to create a safe space for healing and attunement in therapy. But Dr. Mavis Tsai, she's a psychologist at the Center for the Science of Social Connection, she would add that the therapeutic relationship is a sacred space. So it's important for us to explore the religious and spiritual dimension for patients in therapy. You know, asking questions like, what are your spiritual struggles and resources? Asking questions like, what do you hold sacred in your life? What are the things you would die for? And by the same token, what are those things that you would live for? So it's evidence-based and it's in our professional guidelines to care for the whole person in mind and body and spirit.

Nate Houchens (19:16)

It reminds me so much of what our nursing colleagues have embraced from the very beginning of their profession and clearly from what the psychotherapeutic realm is all about.

Guest (19:29)

Yeah, yeah, it's great that we're coming back to this, right? I think for a long time, psychology has left religion and spirituality and the sacred at the fringes. But we've really seen, you know, an uptake of this back in recent years. So that's great.

Nate Houchens (19:47)

Yeah. When you described that moment where she kind of cocked her head to the side and seemed to be remembering with a bit of a smile, I wonder what it was that you noticed that opened within her and perhaps even within you when she shared that moment of light.

Guest (20:03)

Yeah, you know, I felt like the moon, you know, I just mirrored the light that came from her. You know, she smiled, her face brightened, and I could see that the moment gave her access to a part of herself that she hadn't thought about for a long time. And she brought out that part to show me. In doing so, decompartmentalizing this powerful spiritual resource. And what I love about that for her, right, is that she can go back any time. Right, you can immerse yourself in that sacred memory and drink in what you need for comfort and strength and meaning. And that's what the treasure chest meditation was about too.

Nate Houchens (20:43)

I just wanted to pull on the thread of the mirroring, that sort of description of being the moon. What a great visualization of what it means to sort of be there with another person in such a moment and to drink it all in. I am also reminded how envious of and also not for people who do what you do. I feel myself getting drawn in to another person's affect whenever they express it. And I can imagine that that, in these kinds of moments, is so wonderfully bright and joyful, and in other moments can be so balanced by that.

Guest (21:25)

Yeah, yeah, definitely. You know, holding up a mirror, like being the moon, sometimes, you reflect all kinds of things and you have to allow all of that to touch you. Yeah, so I can totally understand what you're saying. And it’s that balance of light and dark.

Nate Houchens (21:42)

Yeah, yeah. When she greeted you that time with such joy and declared to you she no longer wished to die, I wonder again how that made you feel? What stirred in your soul?

Guest (21:57)

Yeah, these are sacred moments for me. You know, moments like that between us, moments when you witness a person healing in real time. That's why I do my job. That's why I show up and get excited for work.

Nate Houchens (22:14)

And I suspect that this has happened with others, other clients of yours. How do you carefully tend to these intimate stories that are entrusted to you, these really powerful personal moments that are entrusted to you? Do you have specific ways that you honor them after the session ends?

Guest (22:35)

Yeah, you know, it's such a privilege to hold these stories. I put them in my own metaphorical treasure chest. But when approaching the end of therapy, I do have a ritual to honor our relationship. And I think every therapist has their own. You know, at a patient's penultimate session, I always ask what your favorite color is. And then I find a piece of paper that matches the shade that they picked and spend about 20 minutes folding an origami elephant. And when I fold this elephant, I reflect on the patient, right, all of their suffering, their growth, and my hopes for them. And I give this elephant to them at our final session, and I explain that elephants remember. And may this elephant serve as a reminder for you of our time together and all of the progress that you've made.

Nate Houchens (23:29)

Beautiful, beautiful. It appears to me that your client's sacred moment was a way to anchor into something meaningful and life-giving. How do you see the role of sacred moments in your work and in your life?

Guest (23:46)

Yeah. So we know… I'll give the science based answer first, but we know from a meta-analysis on sacred perceptions that when people experience the sacred in a particular life domain, like work, they're going to endorse greater commitment and investment in that area. And this is absolutely true for me, right? So sacred moments at work help me feel like I'm on the right track. I try to put my heart and soul into providing care and doing research. And along those same lines, we also hypothesize that sacred moments can protect people from burnout. So maybe sacred moments reorient us to what really matters on those difficult days.

Nate Houchens (24:29)

Yeah, they really seem like a buoy or a bolster for so many people, myself included. I remember I can count on a few fingers, some sacred moments in my training and in my career. And I remember just the times afterward, just being… like a weight was lifted, like a ray of sunshine just streamed in through the window.

Guest (24:50)

Yeah, yeah, that's a perfect way to capture it. It's sunshine.

Nate Houchens (25:11)

You know, your client's life seems to have been marked by really intense trauma that was etched into her in sort of metaphorical and in real ways. I wonder, how did one moment of meaning, of that recognition of her purpose, her life's purpose, begin to rewrite the script of trauma and pain?

Guest (25:35)

What a good question. I think that for a lot of adults who have been abused as children, it can feel like you don't have a home or a safe haven to come back to. And they just end up living life in survival mode, without the energy to stop and reflect and think carefully about your next move. So in some ways, maybe this moment was like a calling home. I know we've run across a lot of metaphors, like a ray of sunshine, a calling home, a counterweight. But, you know, she seemed to return to her sacred moment to find herself, to renew her purpose and to reorient herself to what matters the most for her, which was to learn how to be happy and to help other people. I just think that's so beautiful, right? That's something she came up with herself.

Nate Houchens (26:26)

And I imagine that that is so much more powerful if that is a self-realization, if the client or the person or whoever recognizes what this is for what it is and how it impacts their outlook and their spirit and their soul. 

Guest (26:44)

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

Nate Houchens (26:46)

Do you think that this transformation, this type of sacred moment is something rare and singular? Like, was this a one-off or does each of us hold sort of the seed of sacred within us, waiting to be remembered and recalled like the treasure chest?

Guest (27:05)

I think that the sacred may be inaccessible for some people depending on where you're at in your spiritual journey. Some people say, you know, I've never had a sacred moment or they have yet to encounter the sacred. Some may be in a season of spiritual struggle. Maybe they're feeling numb or shut off, maybe too flighty to connect with the spiritual dimension in a way that is healthy. So I think that my patient's transformation is not rare. Sacred moments are not uncommon and research would indicate that they happen rather often in healthcare, but we do need to be open to them and we may need to sharpen our awareness skills so that we notice those glimmers. And glimmers are what Dr. Kenneth Pargament and I think of as signals that a sacred moment could unfold. And they're certainly a vehicle to healing for some people, but I also don't think that this is an exclusive way to healing in mental health. All of this to say that I think everybody has the capacity to experience a sacred moment. And it's also up to us to cultivate these moments in order to reap the benefits.

Nate Houchens (28:17)

One of my close colleagues and leaders at my institution, who goes by R.J. Schildhouse, he's our Chief of Staff at the VA, described these as embers before sort of a fire. And I thought that was such an interesting metaphor as well, since we're on the topic of metaphors of just like, you know, there are these sparks, there are these embers that can grow into a true sacred moment. And yet we have to recognize them for what they are and stoke those sparks and embers.

Guest (28:50)

Yeah, absolutely. And I can only imagine how hard it would be to do that in the middle of a storm. Finding shelter in someone or finding a way to cultivate those embers, blow on them. Yeah, it can bring so much, it can literally bring life. It can be life-saving.

Nate Houchens (29:10)

And storms can look different for different people. The challenges that can prevent us from recognizing what could be sacred are as many and varied as all of us.

Guest (29:23)

Yeah, absolutely.

Nate Houchens (29:25)

How do you define healing when the body may still carry illness, but the spirit has chosen to stay? And when I say that I mean your client very much had and has health issues and yet has had this sort of emotional transformation.

Guest (29:46)

I really like the way you put it. The spirit has chosen to stay. And I think psychological healing captures this movement perhaps to greater wholeness from a state of brokenness. And in some of our theoretical papers, doctors Kenneth Pargament, Julie Exline, and I offer that wholeness is a way of being in which you have purpose, breadth, depth, flexibility, cohesiveness, and balance to your life. And I would add that when you're attuned to yourself, right, you're connected to all of your parts and you're also connected to other people in a healthy manner. So my patients may carry physical illness, many of them with chronic conditions, but the way they live is what matters to them, you know, what they want to work on in coming to therapy.

Nate Houchens (30:37)

So much of what I've learned personally and professionally is just being attuned, attuned to other people to appreciate and recognize what they are offering to us as gifts, and then being attuned to ourselves and really what comprises all of us in both the light and the dark terms, both the joyful and the traumatic. And holding space for each and recognizing the power of each.

Guest (31:08)

Yeah, I think you sound like a therapist.

Nate Houchens (31:11)

The people that I talk with, I think, would maybe disagree, but thank you for that. What might your client's journey teach us? Those who listen, those who hold pain, those who appreciate and long for light. What might her journey teach us about the human spirit and the way we navigate hardships?

Guest (31:37)

I think we have a lot to learn from each other about compassion and hope when faced with the worst of circumstances. And from our parts that hold the trauma and the suffering, maybe it's like what Leonard Cohen said: There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.

Nate Houchens (31:57)

Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, your expertise, your insights, both scientific and professional and personal. I really appreciate it. I learned a lot and I'm certain that our listeners have really heard all that they can about sacred moments for your client.

Guest (32:15)

Thank you so much. It's been real pleasure.

Nate Houchens (32:17)

My honor.

Postlude

Nate Houchens (32:34)

We would love for you to be a part of this movement, and we would be honored to hear your story. If you have experienced a moment of grace, connection, or empathy that changed you, we invite you to submit it for consideration to be shared on Boundless Moments by sharing, you not only contribute to a collective celebration of human connection, you may also inspire others to recognize and cherish the sacred moments in their own lives. To discover more about sacred moments and to share your own story, please visit sacredmomentsinitiative.org.

This episode of boundless moments was produced, edited, and mixed by Nathan Houchens. Our program manager is Jessica Ameling, and our publishing and social media manager is Rachel Ehrlinger. Our podcast is made possible by the Sacred Moments Initiative, a humanistic project whose aim is to study, catalog, and share sacred moments. Learn more at sacredmomentsinitiative.org. Boundless Moments is also made possible by donations from listeners like you. Thank you so much for supporting our work in sharing sacred moment stories. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts and drop us a rating or review to help others connect with us. I'm your host, Nathan Houchens. Thank you for joining and until next time, be well.