You never have consequences for their shouting, their attitude, their yelling, their crying, their tantrums. Never.
SPEAKER_01My four-year-old boy constantly tells myself and my husband that we're wrong when we say something and we'll throw a tantrum unless we agree.
SPEAKER_00Why is he still threatening to tantrum if they have no effect on you? I'm pretty sure they have an effect on you. Even if you don't think you're showing it, you have to. He wouldn't be threatening. Welcome to the Bratbusters Parenting Podcast. My name's Lisa Bunnage. I'm a parenting coach. I'm a mom. I'm also a grandmother.
SPEAKER_01And I'm Amy Bunnage, Lisa's daughter, and I handle the marketing and planning here at Bratbusters. While I don't have kids, each episode we'll dive into parenting topics and Lisa will answer your questions. Let's get started.
SPEAKER_00Okay, sweetie pie, what are we talking about today?
SPEAKER_01Today's topic is children suddenly testing your boundaries. Suddenly testing your boundaries. Okay. I have three reasons where you've discussed in the past why this may happen. So we'll go through each of those. And if you want to add anything, you go right ahead.
SPEAKER_00Well, I don't know where you're going with this, so I'll just let you start.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
The first reason that you often see is to see if the boundaries can actually be moved.
SPEAKER_00Well, yeah. Um, I'm surprised you didn't ask me what age. I guess we're going there. We will. I think that you'll probably get into it. Okay. So there's suddenly, okay, so yeah, they want to see if they can be moved. So you set a boundary, and a lot of parents are not consistent and they give in because they figure it's easier. You know, if you give in, you know you're making tomorrow more difficult. So a lot of parents go for the short-term gain for long-term pain. I'd rather do it the other way around. So yeah, they are gonna test it out, right? But once you've once they've tested one boundary, they don't tend to keep going. But if they've tested and you've failed, right, then they're gonna keep going with every other boundary.
I have the second reason here is to determine who's really in charge.
SPEAKER_00Good one. Yep. They say, Are you in charge? Do you know what you're doing or not? And what age do they start asking that question? Three is when that happens. They'll start testing testing boundaries at any age, but by three, they'll really start, they'll stop and think. Do my parents know what they're doing or not? In other words, am I going to get worse or better? That's the turning point. I always call that the fork in the road. It's when they turn three.
SPEAKER_01And do you find that all children start asking that question?
SPEAKER_00No, some are just easier going. And if you're already a leader, they don't tend to even think that way so much. But if you're not, because they give it some thought because they realize they can take over. But if they realize that they can't, they don't tend to even really give it much thought. They just are sort of easier going. And some kids are more, they're more inclined to test you, others are not. Okay. It's just their basic nature. Do you find that they're inclined to want to take over? They never want to take over, but they'll seem like they do. It, you know, I always tell this to parents is when your kids are giving you sass and being really difficult and saying no and screaming and all that, what they're really doing is begging you to become a leader because they feel lost. They don't, they never look happy when they're doing that. They always look miserable. Parents will say, Oh, well, they always tell me I hate you, and then they got a smirk on their face. That's not happiness, right? So yeah, they're kind of miserable. So that's why they're begging for you to be a leader. A leader calms them down, a leader brings out the best in them. Their self-esteem, their confidence, everything seems to increase in the pot for the positive when they have a leader. A leader makes them feel safe. That's what they really want. But they'll fight you. They're testing you. Are you a leader? If you're not, the weaker you are, the more tests they're going to give you. It's like they're just almost trying to force you into becoming a leader. They don't realize they're doing that, but I've seen it time and time again.
And then I have the third reason here as to try and get a reaction out of the parents.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, they like heightened reactions. So they like happy reactions and angry, like any highly emotional reaction is kind of exciting for them in a way. So they'll go for the negative ones, include and the positive ones. But if the negative ones come easy, and often they come easier, by the way, a lot of parents are more inclined to yell at their kids and laugh with them. So if you're not super connected and having fun with them and all you're doing is sort of yelling at them, they're just going to keep getting worse and worse and worse because those are the heightened emotions that are coming easier to them to get out of you. So it's kind of a power, powerful feeling to do that with parents. I could imagine that. Yeah. They're like, wow, I can control your. Wow, look at you go. Wow, your head's spinning. And I did that. Got a little rise out of them. Yeah, it's a little bit of an adrenaline thing. I don't know, I don't know exactly how to explain it. But yeah, they'll do it because it's a powerful feeling, right?
SPEAKER_01And I would assume as well, it's like the more it happens, the probably like more predictable the parents become.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, they they learn their power pretty quick. And so do you. You learn their power pretty quick too. But the thing is, they really, you know, a lot of parents say, you don't know my kid. They're so strong-willed. And I say, Yeah, but how old are they? They're like two. And you're what, 40? So come on, you know, they're just little kids. So a lot of parents give them too much credit in the wrong way and not enough credit in the right way.
SPEAKER_01What do you mean, not enough credit in the right way?
SPEAKER_00In the right way. They really are quite fun. They really like that they're gonna play off you. If you give them good energy, like you really want to have fun with them and you really want to play with them in their world, they tend to settle down and be really good. So a lot of parents say, Well, I don't want to play with them. They're so difficult, they get all wound up. But when you get good at disciplining and then you also get good at playing with them in their world, that calms them right down. And they are actually quite enjoyable when they're really well behaved.
SPEAKER_01I think the playtime, I think that often you get parents commenting where they just say, I just don't enjoy child play.
SPEAKER_00I want to get back to what I was just saying, and that's true too. I know it's hard to do initially if you're not used to kids, but I've often babysack kids and the parents, when I was a kid, I used to. And the parents would come home and say, Oh, how did it go? Because I always got, you know, I was the one in the neighborhood that all the parents wanted because I was good at handling difficult kids. And I'd say, we had so much fun. And the parents were like, Really? You know, I really am good at focusing on the good kid. I deal with bad behavior, but I focus on the good kid. You want to bring that out in them. And what did you just say about parents who don't want to play with their kids? Um, there is some level of joy in, and I know it's difficult. You don't always like, and I it's boring for me too. I mean, how many hours can I play play-doh with my granddaughter? I mean, I do have a bit of a turning point where I'm like, yeah, I've had enough of this, but still, there are moments in that time when I'm playing play-doh. She can tell if I'm having fun or not. And they they feed off of that. If you, if you can find moments where you're really enjoying being with them, really play off of that. Say, this is fun. Emphasize it, talk about it. They love that, makes them feel good. When they feel good, they do good. When they feel bad, they do bad. If you're just going through the motions, um, they pick up on that too. The older they get, the more they're gonna pick up on it. But when they're really little, they don't pick up on it as much.
SPEAKER_01I think that's so interesting because I do think you talk about the fact that parents sometimes have very unfair expectations in both ways of their children.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, they expect them to, well, I mean, the unfair expectations, I think, is that you expect them to just do the right thing all the time. You don't do the right thing all the time, okay? But you expect them, well, they already understand they shouldn't do that. And I'm like, right, but have you followed that up with consistent, you know, consequences? And so they expect the kids, well, I already told them they shouldn't do that, and then they did it again. And I'm like, right? What was the effective consequence that you had in place that encouraged them to not do it again? So parents just think they should explain something to their children and then they just should do the right thing. It that's not how it works. All this understanding and explaining and the therapy sessions is what I mini therapy sessions is how I refer to all that stuff. It doesn't work. It's the consequences, it's the accountability that make them do the right thing.
SPEAKER_01Do you have anything you want to add before we get into the parenting questions? Not right now, no. Okay, we'll get right
into it. So Monica from India, son is three years and nine months now. Your methods have been working great ever since he was two. Suddenly he started to test boundaries. He has even started to give threats to me. So, for example, he wanted me to read books. I said one book and I said I'm going to go do some work. He says, if you don't read me more books, I will go with grandma for one day and come tomorrow. He's basically doing the same thing I've been doing with him, like media blackout until tomorrow. Like he doesn't want to go to school as it's a new experience for him, so he threatens me. If I tell him to go to school one more time, he will run away from school. He's been doing such things a lot. I've not been giving it any attention, but it's been going on for two weeks. Please help.
SPEAKER_00I don't understand how he can run away from school. Boy, I'm I'm really confused by that. Who's looking after him at school? So I don't care about his threats. You take action. You say, if he says I'm gonna run away from school, say, no, okay, give it a go. Like I don't argue that. But he shouldn't be able to run away from school. I'm very confused by that. Also, you said, um, like I'm just a little bit confused by this. You said if he if he didn't like what you did, then he's gonna go to grandma. Can you read that first part again? Just read it out.
SPEAKER_01If you don't read me more books, I'll go to grandma for one day and come home tomorrow. So I think it's trying to flip the media blackout but reverse.
SPEAKER_00I'll go to grandma one day. Um yeah, but he doesn't have control. I don't know why he has all this control. He has control over whether or not he stays at school. He has control on whether or not he goes to see grandma. I would just say, okay, fine, and just or whatever. Yeah, just don't answer that stuff. He's just threatening you, but they should be empty threats, is what I'm getting at. He shouldn't be able to run over to grandma's wherever grandma lives. I don't know. He shouldn't be able to leave school. So I don't understand his power. Why does he have so much power? Just say, oh, whatever, and just ignore it.
SPEAKER_01I think from the parent's perspective, maybe these are still empty threats, but why are they happening?
SPEAKER_00Oh, he's just testing you. You're answering him. That's why. You're you're explaining, you're talking to him. You're you're responding to that. That's why he keeps saying it. Yeah. You're he's on the low road when he's like that. You stay on that high road. There's no way I would join him down there. If you answer that and respond to those empty threats, then you're on the low road with him. That's why that's his power, by the way.
SPEAKER_01I want to dig into this a little bit deeper because at the end it says I haven't been giving any attention to this. Are there ways in which it may not be a full response, but parents are still feeding it?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because it you might look upset and maybe you're just ignoring. Uh, and if you listen carefully, I wasn't just ignoring. I was saying, okay, or whatever. So I was acknowledging that I heard you, and this is what it means to me is whatever. So you've got to show that it just doesn't mean anything to you. So it is ignoring, but it's not. You're still acknowledging it, but you're acknowledging that whatever. So it's sort of like that. I had a client, uh, I got permission to tell this story. It was so cute. She was really struggling with her tone. Like she couldn't say whatever in sort of that whatever. She would say, whatever, you know, she sounded stressed every time she said it. So she were, I said, well, do it in the mirror, you know, practice this, go, whatever, you know, like do whatever you want, kind of attitude. She had much older kids and she said that to them. She goes, I mastered it. And she goes, they were absolutely dumbfounded because she'd always responded to all this threatening and whining and complaining. And then she just said, whatever, and walked away. And everything started to change after that. They realized that they couldn't control her emotions anymore when it came to the negative stuff. You want them to be able to control your emotions when everything's happy and fun. You want to be laughing and all that to have fun. But when it comes to bad behavior, you there's no emotions from you. You're just, it's just a business transaction.
SPEAKER_01Okay. The next one is Mariah from the United States. My toddler's two years and 10 months old, gives my husband a lot of attitude and back talk. I'm the leader in our
house, and not only am I the primary caregiver, but I also do most of the engaged playtime and have been the leader in calm parenting through tan tantrums or other bad behavior. My husband's more authoritarian and doesn't play with her much, mostly just verbally chimes in on her play. I know you say only one person needs to be the calm leader, but how do I help curb the back talk that my husband gets that she doesn't want due to me?
SPEAKER_00Well, you can't curb that because the the attitude is not something you can address. He's got to play with her more. And you said you're the leader, you play with her, you're also good at being calm when you're disciplining all that. You he just has to follow your lead. Now, the thing is there only needs to be one leader, but he needs, he still needs to play with her. That's part of leadership too. So he but that's part of any parent needs to play with their kid, even if they're not a leader. So I he's just not spending enough time with her. He hasn't earned her respect yet, that's all. But you got to connect with her to earn it. You don't just correct, you connect. So yeah, he's got to do more connecting.
SPEAKER_01You do talk about the fact that at a certain age they start to carry that leadership umbrella with them.
SPEAKER_00They do. Now, this child's only two years and 10 months. So usually by about three, if you're a really calm leader and a really, a really good leader, they they carry your umbrella everywhere they go. So how they are with you, they they are like that with everybody. Okay. Also, if you're are you backing him up and is he are you backing each other up or are you sort of telling him what to do? You don't do that. You say to him something like this, let's say she's being cheeky in the tub or something with him, and then you go in and save the day. You don't. You don't go in and save the day. You let him deal with it, and then when she comes out and complains to you, you just say, Well, let dad's in charge. Give him more power, okay? And then you said he's the authority. Yeah, yeah. You want him to sort of, he doesn't have to be the leader. It's always one clear leader, always. And but you can both be leaders, but he needs to, he needs to sort of follow your, your, he needs to sort of follow your way a little bit in that he's not responding to all the complaining and he has to connect with her. I think that's what he's really doing wrong is the lack of connection. Because without connection, there is no leadership.
SPEAKER_01I just want to play this scenario out. Let's say the child's four or five years old. Would you still expect the attitude and back talk if one parent's a leader and the other one isn't maybe spending as much quality time with them?
SPEAKER_00Well, they don't, if you're a really good leader, this is the thing. Maybe your leadership isn't quite cemented yet. Because if you're a really good leader, they would be embarrassed. The dad should be able to say, Listen, I'm gonna tell mom about this, and that would be enough. Like if my ex-husband had said, Well, I'm gonna talk to your mom about this, they would have gone, whoops. So your leadership should be sort of, it just siphons off everywhere. They don't want it to get back to you. So they respect, they like they respected their dad because we were on the same page, right? And I I backed him up and he backed me up. So I'm wondering if there's maybe not quite enough of that. Maybe you're undermining him, maybe you're arguing a little bit about parenting styles. Whereas our kids wouldn't have seen any of that. We were we backed each other up 100%. But I was very much a leader, and uh, so you gotta work more on your leadership, but he's got to connect more and you gotta back each other up. Never argue, never tell him what he's doing wrong in front of the kids. Never.
SPEAKER_01I'm just trying to hear this objectively. Do you think it could just be the age, though, because they're under three?
SPEAKER_00I could be too. Yeah, it could be. But also, um, but you already said he's not connecting. If he doesn't start now, he he's not gonna get the relationship he wants with the kids, right? So I think connecting is probably gonna make the biggest difference right now.
SPEAKER_01Okay. The next one is Lee from Australia. My four-year-old boy constantly tells myself and my husband that we're wrong when we say
something and we'll throw a tantrum unless we agree. We've tried to ignore this using the whatever method, but in the last few months, it's just escalated his response with his tantrums getting bigger and lasting longer. I assume this is attitude and that we've slipped up as calm leaders, but my husband thinks we may need to address this.
SPEAKER_00Um, okay, so his tantrums are getting worse. Um, and you say that you're doing you must be missing something though, because when you get this all in place, it it just doesn't usually accelerate in a negative way. It usually goes the other way. So um now you said he threatens to tantrum. Why is he still threatening to tantrum if they have no effect on you? I'm pretty sure they have an effect on you. Even if you don't think you're showing it, you have to. He wouldn't be threatening. If a kid threatened, I'm gonna have a tantrum, I'd go, whatever. Like they wouldn't threaten with me because they know I could care less, right? So yeah, I'm I'm suggesting that you're showing it. You're showing that it upsets you. That's his power. In the question, it doesn't specifically say threaten, it just says we'll throw a tantrum. But you said if you don't give me what I want, and then he has a tantrum. No, what did he find?
SPEAKER_01That was just a sec. What did it what is it? Can you read that out again? It says, tells myself and my husband that when that we're wrong when we say something, and we'll throw a tantrum unless we agree.
SPEAKER_00Well, that is the threat. I'll throw a tantrum unless unless they agree. That is the it's a it's an it's a silent threat. So if you don't agree, but then it says to me that you do sometimes. It says to me that you give in because he's four. It just doesn't happen that way. He, if you don't agree with him, he has a tantrum. That would not continue if the tantrums didn't bother you. Okay. It is just at four years old, it's extremely rare that they would continue. So um, but yeah, if he if you don't agree with him, why is he still doing that? I go back right back to square one, get the free behavior border, look into the bootcamp course on Bratbusters.com and see what you're missing here. There's something missing because it doesn't add up to me at all.
SPEAKER_01Now, of course, you don't have enough specific information, but what are some reasons that you have seen in this scenario that parents could be missing? Lack of consistency.
SPEAKER_00You might have a really good week and then one bad day. They remember the bad day because that's what suited them. That's the number one reason. Lack of consistency. Well, I'm usually really, really good, but you know, I had I had cramps that day or something. I say, you know, kids don't care about that. They just remember, oh, wait a minute, you're not really a leader because I know I can still get to you. You you can't slip up after a while. You really can't. You got to be 100% consistent. But once you get this down, you are consistent. It becomes part of your personality as a parent. So, but you got to keep working on that consistency. That's the number one reason. Uh, another reason that's this can happen is you're arguing. The two parents are arguing back and forth. They that's a real weakness, it's a sign of weakness, and they'll go in for that. They they'll go in for the jugular if they see that. So, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Okay, the next one is Steph from the United Kingdom. How do I stop my toddler from being rude to her grandfather? She's
two in a bit. She'll say no to him and play push him out of the room, often joking, but sometimes seriously. He did go through a stage of teasing her too much, and I feel that's when it started. I had a chat with him, and now he doesn't do it anymore, so for a few months, but she's still rude to him sometimes. I understand, but it's not nice behavior.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, there's not much you can do about that. But if she does get physical and pushes him, you say no, and then you might remove her from the the whatever if you're all sitting around talking. Just remove her, take her with you and just say no, and then remove her from the fun or whatever for a few minutes. And um, but yeah, you you want to address the aggressive behavior. But when it comes to cheekiness and all that stuff, there's not much you can do. Nope. It's too subtle for a toddler, especially. And uh I I will never address attitude with a parent, but I would address attitude when they're three and above, especially four and five. I'll start to address attitude when it's towards someone else. Like if they're being really rude to a teacher, I would address that. But if they're being rude to a parent, I don't.
SPEAKER_01Okay. The next one is Brenda from the United States. I've been binge listening to your podcast,
and I'm unfortunately caught up. It has helped immensely, and I feel like a new parent. We have so much fun every day, and I feel like the new leader to my very active boys who are three, two, and one. I've realized it's all about mindset when it things do come up, staying calm and winning the battle. Could you do more podcasts on the way to become a better leader? Lisa often says her top three leadership qualities, what are others?
SPEAKER_00Um, what are the leadership qualities? Fun during this, the no calm during the storm, fun during the what am I what do I say?
SPEAKER_01You talk about you gotta stay calm during the storms, you gotta be fun during the rainbows, and become a great listener.
SPEAKER_00Um that's a good question because there's so many. Consistency, really, really important. Um, and I said you want to be fun during the rainbows, like when you're playing with kids, but a lot of parents don't so much get this wrong, but they don't really nail it. Like you want to look like you're truly enjoying them. You got to find moments. It's not gonna be all the time, but you gotta find moments where you're truly in it with them, like you're truly enjoying being with them. They pick up on that. Like it's like golden moments. So that's a real thing. When you get good at this and you pick up on those golden moments and go run with it, like if I'm doing something with my granddaughter and we both end up laughing, I go into that hard. Like I keep I keep going on about it. She's only two and a half. So I keep going on about it because it really made her feel good. Because grandma was really laughing when when this happened. So then I keep playing it up. You you look for those golden moments, and they're gonna happen when you don't know, like you're not gonna be able to plan that. So that's a really, really key skill. And when I was working with kids, I was always looking for those golden moments, um, you know, where they do something that I thought was funny or clever and I'd just dive on it and really build off that. So um, but yeah, that's that's a really good leadership skill, is because when you feel enjoyed, it's just a different level. Um, you know, think about it. If you say something funny and people laugh, how does that feel? It feels really good, right? Or if you make something like and they just go, oh, this is delicious or whatever. I would never experience that because I hate cooking. But anyway, you know what I mean. Like it's just it's a different level of connection. So I think a lot of parents just take their kids' places or will play with them, but they don't really get that real enjoyment where where you've got to find those moments where you truly enjoy together and you're laughing together. Those are golden moments and they remember that. They'll bring it up for like ages afterwards. They remember those specific moments. It's quite fascinating, actually. But yeah, that one and also never yelling. That's really big because I say calm during the storms. Uh, a lot of parents yell and they say, Oh, well, I just got upset. I don't go on about this a lot, but yelling, I've I've talked to a lot of kids, and I used to ask a lot of kids this. And I said, Would you rather be spanked or yelled at? Every single kid I asked that said they'd rather be spanked. Yelling just hurts their soul. It just does. And I don't go on about it a lot, and they do get used to it, they get used to hearing it, but yelling is is really something you want to stay away from. And I know parents say, well, they just throw, they just, you know, they just push me so hard I couldn't help myself. You want to really work on that because yeah, yelling, yelling really gets to them. Okay, the next question is anonymous.
SPEAKER_01Twin boys, it'll be five in September. One of my
twins has started throwing destructive tantrums. He'll kick walls, doors, try to break things, spit on walls, counters, and sometimes even me. He usually does this when he's mad about a behavior correction. I've tried ignoring the tantrums, but what do I do when he's actually destroying things?
SPEAKER_00Okay, you physically restrain him just for 20 seconds, then let him go. If he keeps going, then you hold him for another 20 seconds, then let him go. Them go. Um, when they're getting physical and they're damaging property or hurting someone or hurting themselves, that's when you physically restrain. And you hold them from the back, you're not gonna hurt them, but you hold them from the back, you hold them in the upper arms usually, and you hold them away, like facing away from you, so they can't kick head, butt, or bite you. And you just say, Well, okay, I'm just gonna hold you for a second, hold them for whatever, and then 20 seconds, then let go. If they start to get violent again, hold them again. You're not looking at them because you don't, that's why you want them away from you, too. So you don't want eye contact, you don't talk to them while you're holding them. They're gonna have a fit, but you have to physically restrain them. If they're getting hurt, they're hurting someone else or damaging property. Okay. So, and I don't know why he started that. You might want to start at square one with the behavior board, start from there. That's a it's a byproduct of the lack of leadership. There's no way he'd just be doing this unless something happened that upset him at school or I don't know where, but you know, possibly something's upset him to set him off. But if you don't don't think that's happened, just start at square one, work on your leadership, start with the free behavior board. It's the training wheels with all this. It's free on my website, bratbusters.com. I don't know where things have gone wrong, but if you start and just start to get organized, get some discipline in place and you know, follow through effectively, things should start to sort out. But I I don't know why he's doing that all of a sudden. No idea.
SPEAKER_01Okay, we have one final question. So, Zoli, my four-year-old's generally a good kid, has but has
been recently struggling with shouting at me. I understand that he learned it from me and I've stopped shouting and have a consequence for shouting. I give he him a consequence, and when he doesn't do it, we go bigger than immediately. Do you want to go read a book? I actually don't know what to do since I've given the deprivation and the shouting still happens. Do I keep piling on consequences?
SPEAKER_00You never have consequences for their shouting, their attitude, their yelling, their crying, their tantrums. Never. I specifically go over that in the free behavior board. You can't put, you put it for yourself. No yelling is your rule. You can't put that for the kids. You've taught him how to do that, and now you're getting mad at him for doing it. It's gonna take a while. You got to prove yourself, okay? If you continue to yell, he's gonna continue to roll to yell. Even if you haven't yelled recently, you were yelling before, and now you're giving a consequence for yelling. It's just messy. It's just messy, that's all. You never put attitude on the behavior board. Yelling is part of attitude, okay? For him. You can put it for yourself, but not for him. He's just a kid. So start with something else. If he's hitting, you can put no hitting. Or if you want him to put his dishes in the dishwasher before he leaves the kitchen, you can do that. That could be a rule. But yeah, start with the free behavior board, start from scratch and see, you know, the yelling is just a byproduct of the fact that you were yelling and now you're giving him consequences for yelling. You look out of control. It's just messy at this point. Do you know what's funny? Sorry, is whenever you say I've got uh a question from anonymous, because I write down names as you're reading the question, and I always start writing anonymous. Like it's the name. Like it's a name. Every single time I go anonymous. Oh, wait a minute. Yep. Anyway, I think that is that it are any more questions? That was it for the question. Thanks so much for joining us. What was the topic today? It was testing boundaries. Testing boundaries. Yeah, most kids will do that, but they give up pretty quick if they've got a strong, calm leader. So just work on your leadership and they don't test boundaries because they know there's no point. The reason they don't, they stop, they don't do it past the age of three, usually three and a half around there, they will stop testing boundaries if they know there's no point. Because at that age, they only do what works. They stop doing what doesn't work and they start doing more of what does. So being a good kid works, being a bad kid doesn't. That's what they start to learn. If your good life is good, if your bad life ain't so good. That's just the way it goes. So when I said bad kid, I meant when they're doing bad things, but that's in their head. If they're bad, then they they know they're gonna get a consequence, so there's no point doing it anymore. Okay, I think that's a great place out. Okay, thanks so much for joining us, and thanks, Anonymous, for your questions too. And we'll be back again talking about another parenting topic. Happy parenting.
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