The Moment You Realize You’ve Been Playing Small

In this episode, I talk about something that can be hard to admit to yourself, the moment you realize you might have been playing smaller than the life you actually want.

Sometimes it’s not obvious at first. It’s little things. You start noticing you’re holding back your opinions, downplaying your goals, or choosing the safer option even when something inside you knows you’re meant for more.

In this diary entry, I talk about the subtle ways we shrink ourselves without realizing it, why it can feel uncomfortable to step into a bigger version of your life, and what it looks like to finally stop minimizing who you are.

Because sometimes stepping into your power isn’t one big decision, it’s just the moment you realize you’re ready to stop playing small.

Dear Diary prompts

Where in my life have I been holding myself back?
What would I do differently if I fully trusted my potential?

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Transcript

Life Update And Moving Back

Alex 0:00

Hey guys, what's up? It's your author, Alex Dry, and I am back with another entry of the Dry Diary. Before I dive into this entry, I just want to give you guys a little life update. I finally signed a lease back in LA. I moved the end of January. It's amazing to be back in LA, have a stable place to be because living in Airbnbs is fun for a bit of time because it's not your stuff. And me being OCD, I'm like, okay, this is just temporary. I don't have to clean it all the time. The flip side of that, though, is it's definitely not the aesthetic or design that I want. There's just something about creating your own space and having your own vibe that brings a newfound sense of joy to at least my life and it helps me be more productive. I just feel more stable. Recently, with the work situation doing the podcast, I'm super excited because I have a lot of cool guests coming on. I have always been a person that has had all their side quests, but I've always had a nine to five on top of that. As of recently, I ventured out and just started freelancing and taking my own clients on with social media management. And I don't know if you call it a midlife crisis, but it's just something that I've always been good at. I don't know if it is, I guess, destined to do. And so I've stopped the nine to five, took on my clients as freelance, which has allowed me to open up space for things that I've always wanted to pursue. I put on the back burner because I'm very money motivated whenever you're taking these steps or a leap of faith. Obviously, there's not as much financial security in it at the beginning. Maybe there's a new business venture hobby that you wanted to pursue, but you're scared to because it's gonna bring less. I'm not saying put yourself in a financial bind, but also opening yourself up to being able to pursue the things that you've always wanted to, which for me brought a lot of fear and I was really scared to do at the beginning. But now that I've stepped into that, I finally feel like I'm rewarding little Alex because I'm able to do this. So one of the big things is stepping back into commercial modeling again. This year, one of my goals was to walk in Miami Swim Week. So I'm gonna be in Miami for a month from mid-May to June. It's really fun and it doesn't pay like a million dollars, but it's something I've always had on the bucket list and starting to trust myself again and realizing I can do everything that I wanted to, but it's something I still struggle with. It can be uncomfortable to admit, but also freeing once you see it. I had been playing small because I love to think of myself as I don't think it's because I didn't have big dreams or I didn't want more for my life or to pursue these things, but I think somewhere along the way, I started shrinking myself, maybe to make other people feel comfortable, to avoid judgment, to have financial security, to avoid failing. But I kept hesitating and there's just a moment that I realized I'm not stuck. I'm just not allowing myself to expand. So I just want to talk about the subtle ways that we play small and the shift that I had that changed everything. Because playing small, again, it's not always this some dramatic thing. It can be overthinking everything you say or not sharing your ideas, waiting until something is perfect before you start. For me, is I was always trying to stay busy and not doing things that actually moved my life forward. I kept telling myself, I'll start to feel more confident when, or I just need more time, more experience. I need it to be a hundred percent certain. But the truth is growth and why we play small most of the time is just a protection mechanism. Rejection of failure, embarrassment, change, even success. Because success often requires becoming a different version of yourself, and change can feel really uncomfortable even when it's positive. So sometimes we shrink ourselves, and I realized like a moment I was playing small is when I would shrink myself or I would shrink in situations where I was around people that were like accepted the old version of me, I'm 100% guilty of is I would shrink myself to stay connected to people who were used to the old version of me. And I think also sometimes we shrink ourselves because being fully seen feels vulnerable. And deep down we don't fully believe that we're ready for the life that we want. I realize that playing it small isn't actually keeping me safe, it was just keeping me stuck. Who is willing to be seen, who is willing to try, who is willing to speak up, and to take up space confidently. And the moment you stop waiting for permission, that's when everything starts to change and shift. Sometimes it can be hard to pinpoint if you are playing it small. And so I made a list of signs that I've personally experienced and other people experienced whenever they realize that they are playing it small and safe. And so it definitely made me reflect of like, whoa, when did I start doing this? Because me four years ago would have never allowed this or never acted this way. It can be that you're constantly feeling like you have more potential than what you're currently expressing or the projects you're working on, and you feel like you are meant for something more. You hesitate to share your opinions or ideas. You feel intimidated by people that inspire you instead of having an admiration for them. You minimize your achievements, wait for validation before making decisions, stay in environments that feel familiar but limiting, and talk yourself out of opportunities, which resonates with me. And so if these resonate with you, you are not alone. Most people go through seasons of playing small. And I think that there is a difference when you finally eventually start to notice them. There is a difference, and I literally could not unsee it. And so I just realized like I have to expand into this next version of myself. And while the growth may start quietly, or I might have not as much financial security, I have to stop apologizing for things that don't require an apology, don't require an explanation, and just start trusting myself and the decisions that I make. A lot of people at the beginning may be like, why are you leaving this secure position to go after your dreams? But I think that just listening to yourself and going after what you want at the end of your life, you're gonna look back and be like, at least I tried it. I may have failed, but at least I did it. Or if the things that you tried become a huge success, then you're gonna thank yourself for taking that bet on that opportunity and feel so rewarded and so accomplished. But I think that it's about choosing what feels mind instead of what feels expected because you don't suddenly become a different person overnight. You're becoming more honest with yourself, passions and your desires. And honesty creates a confidence, and that confidence will create the momentum, and then the change comes and the success will happen. One thing that is important is playing it small versus protecting your peace, because whenever you do make this change, you're gonna have a lot of outside opinions. But something important to remember is that expanding doesn't mean that it has to become this loud. You just stop shrinking and you stop pretending you don't care. You stop pretending you don't want more. And what happens when you stop playing small is you're gonna start attracting the right opportunities, conversations, different people, because your energy is gonna shift and you're gonna have this newfound confidence, and you have stopped waiting to feel ready or waiting for the approval of others. And I guess just stopped waiting for the perfect time, and you start realizing the version of you that you admire and want to become already exists inside of you. She just needed the space to show up, and I think that is what happened for me. I finally allowed myself to let go of the outside expectations of what people think is a successful life or a secure lifestyle. And I realized at the end of the day, I have to do what makes me happy. It can be the smallest hobbies in the world, or it can be starting a brand new business. But once you stop playing small and you start owning that, then you're just going to naturally bring in the opportunities without even trying. I guess it's like in some sort of ways like manifestation. And so I just wanted to share with you obviously little life update, because it hasn't, I haven't done that lately, but also just encourage you, you are not alone. And if you've been feeling small, like something in your life is meant to expand, or you you want to try something new. I just want to give you this as a reminder. You don't have to wait for permission and you don't have to wait for everything to feel certain. Feel fully confident because confidence is built through action and clarity is built through move movement. And the moment you stop playing small, you're gonna create a space for the life that actually feels aligned with you. But that is another entry of the Dry Diaries, and I will see you guys next week. Bye.