What Being in Your Feminine Energy Actually Means (with Lauren Salaun)

This month on The Dry Diaries we’re really talking about raising our standards, not just in dating, but in the way we show up in our lives. In this episode, I sit down with Lauren Salaun to talk about what feminine energy actually means. We get into the difference between constantly pushing and learning how to receive, how boundaries and confidence play a role in feminine energy, and why so many women end up feeling burnt out from always feeling like they have to do everything themselves. We talk about balance, self-worth, relationships, and what it actually looks like to feel grounded and confident in your energy. It’s basically a girl chat about reconnecting with yourself and creating a life that feels aligned instead of forced.

Dear Diary prompts

• Where in my life am I overextending myself?
 • What would it look like to slow down and actually receive?

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Transcript

Meet The Host And Guest

unknown 0:06

This is the Dry Diaries with your author, Alex Dry.

Alex 0:18

Hey guys, what's up? It's your author, Alex Dry, and I am back with another entry of the Dry Diaries. Today I have Lauren Salon on the podcast. Thanks so much for having me. I'm so excited about this conversation. So excited. I have so much to learn in this area, which brings me into so the month of May is going to be based all around raising your standards, whether it's in dating life, relationships, just honestly overall. And one of the phrases that gets thrown around a lot in dating right now is feminine energy. I think a lot of women hear that and wonder what it actually means. So today I brought Lauren on the podcast because she is an embodiment coach. You work with a lot of women into stepping into your feminine energy in the right way, not taboo way. And so we're just gonna deep dive today into what it really means to be in your feminine energy and embodying that and how it can take you to the next level in raising your standards. And if you're trying to get a man, this might help. Is there anything I missed? Do you want to go into a little bit more detail about what that entails?

SPEAKER_01 1:38

Yeah, sure. The way we can sum it up is life coach for women, especially those high-achieving women who have big personalities, big lives, a lot going on, and they are looking for ways to find more like ease and flow and like less push and hustle and grind. I've worked with women like that on how to get more into their feminine energy and have that be their default. Not, oh, here's how you pretend to be in your feminine. How do you get to that place of coming back home to your feminine energy in a way that feels really natural? So that can be your default. And then naturally that's evolved into a lot of help with women

From Hustle To Balance

SPEAKER_01 2:19

around dating and relationships.

Alex 2:21

I feel like you just described me and I need to come to you immediately.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

I used to be very much in my masculine energy. So I've learned all of these things from personal experience.

Alex 2:30

I was gonna ask, how did you get into this field? And was it something that you naturally stepped into through your own personal experience?

SPEAKER_01 2:39

So, yes, is the answer to that. And how I got into it, I've been an entrepreneur for the last 10 years, 11 years this year. And so I've always been somebody who's got big goals, driven, competitive. I was an athlete my whole life. And I also was somebody who was a perfectionist. I struggled with self-worth a lot. I got so much of my validation from what I was doing. What am I achieving? How good's my resume? Am I the best at this? So much of my worth was tied into what I was doing. And doing is in the realm of masculine energy. So much of how I was operating was focused on masculine energy. And while that can bring you really incredible results in your life, very impressive, good jobs, good money for a lot of women. Unless we know how to balance that out and have rhythm between our feminine and masculine energies, you'll just go right into burnout. For me, I was struggling with perfectionism, self-worth, overachieving. So I started doing work around those things first. Because I used to have this feeling of I can do and it's never gonna be enough. And if I'm not working or being productive, I felt worthless. So I wanted to work on that first. And I didn't even know what feminine masculine energy was at the time. That was like in 2016, I think. When I started that's 10 years ago, I started doing that work. And once I made some progress on the worthiness stuff, the perfectionism, the overachieving, then I started learning about like the masculine, feminine energetic stuff. It's like, oh, clearly that is an area where I get to do some more work. So started working on that because I saw, oh, I've really been in my masculine energy for my whole life. And it's not just noticing that and feeling like you need to work on it. It's because I was also feeling in my life like nothing was ever enough. I was in this go-go and didn't take enough time to just be and have stillness or be connected into my intuition. So that's when I started really doing that kind of work.

Alex 4:38

This is before feminine energy, I feel like came as a taboo thing or was I would throw around.

SPEAKER_01 4:45

I started doing that for myself 2019, maybe at the time I was married as well. When you are very in your masculine energy, you're going to attract romantic partners who are in their feminine. You're gonna repel masculine energy woods, or people who are in their unhealthy masculine. So I was very in my masculine. So I attracted a partner, my ex-husband, who was a man very in his feminine energy, because that's how we counterbalanced one another. And so when I started doing this work on myself and being more in my feminine and letting go of a lot of that masculine energy and having more fluidity between them, I realized, oh my gosh, now nobody in our relationship is really in their masculine. Now what do we do? And so that, of course, some issues on a fundamental level with my relationship and not just because of this, but I ended up ending my marriage, getting a divorce. That whole journey, so much for me being in my masculine, was a survival pattern. So I attracted a life partner at the time, not anymore. Life partner at the time who was based off of my survival pattern. Once I did a lot of the healing around that, I'm like, oh, this doesn't really work anymore. Much of what I do is to help women not only avoid getting into a relationship that ultimately is not aligned for them, but also regardless of whether you're in a relationship, I believe that when you do that healing work and inner work, you'll find the baseline that feels most natural for you, which is the most

Your Baseline And Daily Shifts

SPEAKER_01 6:25

important thing.

Alex 6:25

Which looks different to everybody.

SPEAKER_01 6:27

Because we all, men and women, we all have masculine and feminine energy within and each person's breakdown of what that looks like and how they live their life, that's going to be unique to them. And it's also not something that's I'm 75% masculine energy, 25% feminine, or 80% feminine, 20% masculine. It's depending on what you're doing in the given day, you might lean more into your masculine than your feminine. Depending on what season of life you're in, you might be more in one or the other. Depending on what's on your to-do list for the day may dictate which energy you like flex into. So it's about what is my baseline like default that feels best for me. And then knowing how to dance between the two for what's going to be most supportive for you.

Alex 7:13

Yeah, that's what I was gonna ask you. Is it similar to your nervous system how you fluctuate during the day throughout the different? Well, we just had somebody on the podcast, so I learned about the nervous system. She was saying that there's three different parts that you go through every single day. And so it's similar to your feminine and masculine energy. You're fluctuating throughout the day or the week, depending on what you need to do.

SPEAKER_01 7:39

Exactly. And and so it's for me, my default is in my feminine energy. Now it didn't used to be, but now, and that's what feels best. There are definitely things that when you're starting on this journey may feel very unnatural at first. And you're like, what is this? This is weird. I'm so uncomfortable. But then over time, I'm like, I'm so glad I did that uncomfortable work because now I feel so much better. More ease and peace and groundedness, and I'm more magnetic now. I don't have to chase after things and push to get stuff that I want, whether it's opportunities or whatever it is. It fluctuates. I own my own business or two businesses and in a leadership position at another company. A lot of the time when I'm doing leadership things, yes, you can lead in your feminine. But when I'm being very strategic and delegating a ton, it's better if I'm in my masculine energy. Once you practice it, it's not really a conscious thing, but you just know how to like flex into that.

Alex 8:35

Yeah, because it's gonna be your natural default. So you're just gonna fall back into your default if you're stepping into masculine.

SPEAKER_01 8:41

And one of the things too, then this was something I started doing very early on when I was working on this stuff, is scheduling my day with masculine energy, feminine energy in mind. So Mondays, if I'm gonna be reviewing a ton of stuff and delegating and connecting with team, and it's more like to-do list stuff to this, moving things forward, I'm like, that's a pretty masculine energy heavy day. So I'm gonna keep the masculine energy tasks in that day because it's hard to do one hour of masculine and now I'm gonna do one hour of feminine, one hour of masculine, right? Is that's a lot, right? But knowing how to balance it out. Like maybe the first half is masculine energy and you get to be more like free-flowing the second half. So that's something that can be really helpful because it can be tiring to flip back and forth between them two.

Magnetism, Alignment, And Receptivity

Alex 9:24

I love health and wellness, frequency healing. Whenever you step into your feminine, you naturally attract more things that are aligned for you. Because whenever as females we're in our feminine, you're vibrating on a higher frequency. And so it's easier to manifest and attract those things. Or I think that can definitely be part of it.

SPEAKER_01 9:47

So I think there's a few things going on with that alignment is one of the highest vibrations, right? So when you're aligned, my values, my thoughts, my emotions, my actions, all of that is on the same track to achieve the same outcome or the same vision, right? So when all of that is in line and you're aligned, that's a very high vibration. So alignment is the goal. You want to be aligned, right? Integris, all of that. And so if being in your feminine is what's most aligned and authentic for you, alignment and authenticity also incredibly magnetic. So if being in your feminine brings you into more alignment and feels more authentic for you, that in and of itself helps you vibrate higher and be more magnetic. But then also the fun thing is feminine energy is inherently magnetic, more so than masculine energy, because feminine energy is receptive energy. Masculine energy is penetrative. It's about action, speaking, thinking, taking action, linear, logic, feminine, receptive, receiving, being emotions overlauded, more cyclical, more about the present moment. If we think, if we'll get like into biology with it, right? Like with the egg and the sperm. She just sits there and waits. She's not chasing after them, ladies. The egg is on her schedule, doing her thing, not worrying what is going to happen, does her thing. If someone shows up, great. If not, bye. I'm continuing on. And so it's that same sort of like that idea that feminine energy is inherently magnetic. Because it's meant to be at a biological

What Feminine Energy Looks Like

SPEAKER_01 11:28

level.

Alex 11:28

Going back to the basics, feminine energy can be defined as so many different things. Whenever you're in your feminine energy, what does that look like? For your clients. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:39

So if we're break things down a little bit, like I said, masculine, penetrative, feminine, receptive, emotion, action, doing versus being, intuition versus logic, like those sorts of things. What it looks like to put that stuff into play in your feminine energy, when you're in your feminine energy, you are connected to your intuition. You're connected to your emotions and your feelings, which emotions and feelings can be two different things. Feelings can be, oh, I feel this chair under my arm. And it's like soft and like that kind of stuff. That's something I'm feeling. That's not necessarily my emotion. The emotion could be, oh, I'm calm. I'm intrigued right now by this conversation. And so feminine energy is present in the moment, connected into your body. It's more receptive and so open and welcoming in. That doesn't mean you have to receive everything that comes your way. Feminine energy is also very boundaried. We're talking standards, is the theme right now for the show. So feminine energy has boundaries and standards tuned into your emotions, but also not emotionally reactive. That's a misconception a lot of people think that, oh, in my feminine energy means I'm just emotional. No, it's not. That's like immature feminine energy, but feminine energy, like at an evolved level, if we're thinking queen energy, is I'm experiencing this emotion and I can communicate about it and I'm very aware and tuned in that it's happening, but I'm also not gonna burn the house down because of it.

Alex 13:11

Like it's

How To Tell What You’re In

Alex 13:12

not ruling me. So if somebody's confused and they're like, okay, you guys are talking about masculine, feminine, I get the concepts, but I don't even know which one I'm in, what would your advice be to them? But how to tune into it? And obviously you told us the difference between the two, but just breaking it down to if you are, like you said, a doer and you're always like I'm a very straightforward person. I always am trying to get things done. I'm very much in my masculine and I know that I am. So that's not a question for me. But for someone who is confused, what would you tell them how to identify what energy they're in? How they can change it.

SPEAKER_01 13:57

So I think one of the first things to hone in on is okay, how am I feeling in my day to day? How am I feeling? What is my experience? Do I run around feeling stressed, preoccupied? Am I overthinking things I did yesterday? Am I really fixated on the future? How are you feeling going through life? But then also looking at what are the results in my life too. What are my goals? Am I accomplishing those goals? What's actually going on in my life too? And so that gives you some data to work with, right? Because if you're like, oh, I feel amazing and things are going well in my life, then we don't need to rehaul everything. Sure, there's fine tuning. But if you're like, I feel burnt out all the time, I'm in my head so much, I have anxiety all the time. I don't think you want to feel that way for the sake of the results. But if that's happening and things in my life aren't really going the way that I want, let's take a look. Okay, am I in my head a lot? That's a lot masculine energy. Do I prioritize taking action a lot? Okay, masculine. How do I feel when I just like have time to be and sit and be with myself? I'm comfortable. Opportunity for me with feminine energy right there. Do I feel in tune with my intuition? Do I trust my gut and my intuition? No, then you're probably more in your masculine, right? Not strong enough there in your feminine. But if you're like, no, my intuition like really strong there in that area, your feminine energy seems pretty strong there, right? And balanced out. So it's like doing that kind of inventory.

Entrepreneurs And Relationship Polarity

Alex 15:22

We can share a little cheat sheet of masculine-feminine characteristics. I can speak for myself, and hopefully it relates to some of you guys, is that whenever it comes today, usually like I have my own business. So I'm very much in my masculine. And whenever it comes time for me to be by myself or to relax and calm and ground and all that stuff, I'm very much in my feminine. So I think that the regulation is there. The struggle that I have is in relationships. And I'm always in my masculine. And I didn't realize it until I started doing like inner work. But I don't know how to even change it. So it's like in my daily life, I feel like it's pretty regulated. It could be better, but it's more so relationships. It's just straight masculine. And so, how do you change that?

SPEAKER_01 16:12

You're exactly the kind of woman that I work with a lot because when you are an entrepreneur, you have your own business, you're naturally going to be good at the masculine energy things most of the time. Not always, but most of the time. You're going to be good at the masculine energy things. Otherwise, you wouldn't have built a business, been able to do that. And it's also going to require the masculine energy things of you. And once you get to a place where you're like able to hire out more and stuff like that and not necessarily have to have all those tasks, you still are like the leader who's carrying the majority of the responsibilities. So when you're used to and required to be in your masculine energy so much, it can make it really hard to then because you're like, oh, this is how I operate normally. And it actually does really well for me for this purpose. So that does make it a little bit more challenging for women like us. Like been running my own business for 10 years. And so it is a few things with this. One is finding more opportunities within your business now to be in your feminine energy. Because I know you do creative stuff, right? And there's brainstorming. And so that like creative process, right? Whether it's writing something like for a blog post or social media or I'm going to come up with ideas for content, that's very feminine energy, those activities. So making sure there's plenty of room for those things. So that it's not always the masculine energy stuff. So that you have plenty of feminine energy activities folded in because that'll make it easier to find more balance outside of work. But then outside of work is when you get to have it be more intentional. And maybe even once the workday is done, you can have a little practice or ritual or something that's okay. Now I'm going to get my feminine energy. That could be like changing your clothes, right? Or I'm going to go for a walk to decompress from the day and exhale and soften for the rest of the day, whatever that is. But having those like indicators or moments that help you shift into that.

Approaching Men Without Chasing

SPEAKER_01 18:06

Cause that's what, again, I work with so many entrepreneurial women or high achieving women. And that's the thing, is they're so successful and kicking butt in their work. But then they're like, yeah, and I have a great social life and amazing friends and no problem meeting men, but I don't tend to meet men who are masculine enough, or I tend to always be in the masculine energy and I'm the one planning or all this kind of stuff. And so it's finding, okay, how can we like play between both sides? Yeah.

Alex 18:34

I feel like if I'm in a social situation and I see a male, it's oh, masculine. I just go straight into my masculine and I think maybe it might be a protection mechanism of some sort, or I have RBF. I don't know what it is, but I already know. I'm like, oh, this is what I'm pretty sure.

SPEAKER_01 18:55

What does that feel like to you when you're like, oh, I'm in my masculine when it's like around a guy?

Alex 19:01

I just feel I don't know if it's because past relationships or just the way that society is. I feel like, okay, if I'm not gonna do it, like you're not getting it done, or you're not getting it done quick enough. And so I'm just gonna do it. If you're not whipping your card out to pay, let me pay. If you're not opening the door, how long do I have to wait? If you're not asking me out on a date, what are we doing? So it's just block or move on. Yeah. And so I just don't know what that looks like. And number one, like the first approach. And then number two, and once you're in the relationship, how that looks as well.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

Yeah. So many things with that. It's yeah, when you're leading with that kind of energy, you may attract men who are a little bit more passive and less assertive. And the good news, and maybe the bad news, is that you're part of the reason for that. How you're showing up is gonna reflect in what you're attracting. But that also means that when we calibrate that, then what you attract is gonna change. If you've met a man and he's not proactively asking you on a date, he's disqualified. Then we don't talk to him anymore. Like instead of you stepping in to take action, no, you just are, it's over. We don't need to do that. But when you're in the relationship, sometimes it's okay after some of the early stage dating things. I don't think you're supposed to like, I'm never gonna initiate, I'm only gonna be in my feminine and he has to do everything. That's not the mindset either. But in the beginning, you want to leave more space for a man to step in and lead. And once you've been dating for a bit, it may make more sense for you to be like, oh, I want to plan a date for us now. But I wouldn't be jumping into that in the first couple months. If a man isn't stepping into the space to lead, he's disqualified. If you want a man who's a leader and he's not stepping up and leading, then it's not aligned. It's not a fit. But the key is where a lot of women make mistakes is not giving a man the room to do that. If he's like, Oh, I would love to take you on a date on Friday, like, how does this restaurant sound? And a girl responding, like, I don't really like that place. But if you're like, but I want a man to take action. Now, granted, if he's recommending something stupid, yeah, that's different. But when men are taking the initiative to lead, allowing them to do that and giving them the benefit of the doubt that they're making a good choice too when they are stepping into that.

Alex 21:25

I think another thing is the control factor of it. They want to be able to control the situation because maybe in a past relationship they've been controlled or they've seen their dad control their mom or vice versa, whatever it is. You said upon meeting someone, obviously if they're not putting out the effort, then you can disqualify them. But if you're playing a scenario between the two of us and I was meeting you first, or I was just at a bar. It doesn't even have to be like anything crazy. And you are the guy. How do I enter into the room? What does that look like being in my feminine energy? And would I approach him? Do I?

unknown 22:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:11

Oh, I love this question. So I think like how you embody your feminine energy is that you are so in the present moment. You are connected into your body. And you're also like, you're like moving through the world as if whatever you're doing right then in that moment is so important. Because you're choosing everything that you're doing, right? If we don't want to be doing it, don't do it. And whatever you're doing is so important, and that is exactly where you're supposed to be in that moment. You're not preoccupied thinking about what the next thing on your to-do list, right? That brings you out of your body into your head and you're distracted. That's not very compelling energy, right? So if we're like magnetic queen feminine energy, I'm so connected into the present moment. And whatever is happening in this exact moment is exactly what I'm wanting. Right. Thinking of, okay, whatever I'm doing right now, I'm going to make it as much of a vibe that makes me feel good as possible. Because feminine energy is also about, I want to feel good. I want things around me that are beautiful and I want to have a beautiful, delicious experience. And I'll give an example of this. It was mirrored back to me a few years ago. I was one day sitting outside working on my laptop at Erwan. I'm sitting there, and somebody that I know from the gym is like, hey, I just want to say you radiate queen energy. Every time I see you, it's as if whatever you are doing in that exact moment is the complete vibe and has your attention and it's so captivating. And you just seem like whatever you're doing, you are present. Like, wow, that's such a cool way of putting it, and a way of a man explaining his experience of feminine energy in a way. I'm just checking emails, man. But I'm also there in a beautiful environment. I'm choosing this is exactly how I'm choosing my time. And like, I'm gonna enjoy myself while I'm doing it. Do I want is the first choice on my list to check emails? No, but this is what I'm doing. So be present and enjoying it. So back to your scenario. If you're going into a bar or something, like feeling, oh, this is exactly what I want to be doing right now. And if it's not necessarily the first choice, okay, how can I be so present in this moment and like what's going on? That's okay, look at the scenery around me. Look at all these people. Is there music on? So being in tune with what's happening there is going to be very mad magnetic. Because if you think about somebody who's walking around, like texting on their phone and they seem stressed versus somebody who is calmly walking and looking at the trees, or it just looks like they're enjoying their experience. Which one is more compelling? The like calm, grounded, present one, the one that's preoccupied in their head, rushing through, looking stressed. I don't want to be around that. Much rather have that. So that kind of energy is going to be magnetic anyway. I don't think we necessarily go up and approach. However, the feminine way to do that is eye contact and a smile. Ladies, that's all we need to do to shoot our shot. That's it. You don't need to do much more than that. That's it. That's the invitation, eye contact and then maybe a smile. And then you let him take the action. And if he doesn't, like you keep going. Or maybe like maybe you smile again just in case because there's an issue as well. A lot of men are scared to approach women. Not necessarily because they're not masculine, because over the last few years, so many men will get canceled for hitting on a girl or get yelled at for flirting with some have experienced crazy reactions sometime to putting themselves out there to flirt with a girl or hit on her. And now obviously, if they're being inappropriate, that's a different thing. That's not what we're talking about. But so a lot of men I think are very apprehensive about that. And so sometimes they do need the invitation. Again, the like eye contact and smile. Oh, do I need to do it again? Okay, I'll do it one more time. It wasn't clear in case you thought I was just being friendly. I'll do one more smile. And then if he doesn't walk over, that's okay.

Alex 25:55

Because I think a lot of the time it's easy to get caught up in the moment, especially if you're out on a big scene. I've experienced okay, who's there? What's going on? Who's this? Whereas for myself, I'm not perfect. But I feel like when I go out, if I meet a guy, I meet a guy, I don't really care. It just will happen. Walking in and having this confidence about you, not a fake confidence, just being like you were saying, what's meant for me is meant for me. Whoever I'm supposed to be, I'm supposed to meet this present time. I'm just gonna enjoy myself, have fun, and relax, chill.

SPEAKER_01 26:30

And it shouldn't be what you said. You shouldn't be going out with the, I need to meet somebody who's here because you're in your head, you're not present, you're not connected with your experience, you're so fixated on the outcome. That kind of hunting energy is not very appealing. It's appealing to some people, but not usually the people that you want to attract into your life. So, yes, what's meant for me is gonna find me, but you can facilitate things to happen for you as well with the smile. And I like to give the little, I'm not single currently, so this is not something I do. The smile is usually enough if it's making a small talk, but I wouldn't ask the man out. I wouldn't suggest a date, I wouldn't ask for his number, I wouldn't give your number either unless he asks, right? So you can open the door, but he needs to be the one to walk through it.

Alex 27:13

What about paying?

SPEAKER_01 27:15

What about it? Any point. No, do you offer no, no, never, never. Okay. Never unless I'm in a committed relationship. Never. Okay. Or maybe after a few months of dating.

Alex 27:30

What if you're asked out on a date and and it's like a friendship vibe, so you want to make it clear. So you're like, oh, we can split the bill.

Healthy Versus Unhealthy Masculine

Alex 27:42

No.

SPEAKER_01 27:43

I still wouldn't. I would. Thank you so much. I had such a great time. If on the date, would you like to go out again? No, I don't, I like, I don't know if I'm feeling the romantic thing. Offer to pay, or you don't I hear the men getting furious over that comment. No, you don't offer to pay. There's no actual time frame. But once you've been in a cadence of a few dates, I don't think it's a bad idea. It'll be like, oh, I would love to plan something for us. Even if you want a man who is more of a provider, it's still nice for you to contribute to and not just have that expectation. Oh, he's always gonna do it, right? To show, like, oh, hey, I'm happy to pitch in and participate and I'm not taking you for granted or expecting you to do all that's a good thing. One, so I don't think you pay for dates for first dates, absolutely not. Yeah. Or second or even third. There's no hard rule, but generally the man should be paying the majority of the time. But you can do your own thing and make it fun sometimes. But yeah, no, not paying for dates.

Alex 28:39

So stepping into your masculine or stepping into your feminine energy, you want to attract guys that are in their masculine. But there is a difference between unhealthy masculine and healthy. And so, what are some of the signs of unhealthy and healthy?

SPEAKER_01 28:54

Yes, absolutely. So unhealthy masculine energy is going to be more controlling, domineering, maybe even pushy and stuff like that. So it's gonna show up a lot more as control and like dominance instead of respecting where you're at. Let's say you have certain boundaries, right? A man in his healthy masculine energy is gonna respect those boundaries. A man who's not might say something, if that's a boundary of yours, like this isn't gonna work out, which very well could. Who knows what the boundary is that we're talking about. But man who's like in his healthy masculine energy who respects you and sees something with you will hear your boundary and may say, Oh, interesting. Can you tell me more about that so that I can understand? But he's not gonna try and bulldoze through it or make you change your mind. Unhealthy masculine is often gonna show up as control, like overpowering, domineering, those sorts of things.

Alex 29:46

Yeah. Not letting you also be in your feminine, but also still have boundaries. Yeah. More so say.

SPEAKER_01 29:55

Yeah, absolutely. Healthy masculine men appreciate a woman with boundaries. They may not uh say that they do because they might get frustrated by them, but they do because most uh healthy masculine men they want a woman who generally is in their feminine energy. And so much of feminine energy is about your presence and just how you be and how you exist. It's not about what you're doing, it's about the essence that you are. And so for a lot of masculine men, that experience to be just for them. And so if you are somebody who has firm boundaries, that means access to her attention, access to her emotions, her heart, her mind, her body, access to time with her. Like, oh, there's boundaries around that. So not anybody, I have to be special to get access to her. I'm gonna listen to these boundaries because she seems special. Because if there's no boundaries, then anyone might be like getting time and attention. You know, that is something.

Alex 30:56

How does feminine energy influence attraction?

SPEAKER_01 30:59

The thing to think about with it is attraction is based off of polarity, right? So we already talked about if you're more in your feminine energy, you're more likely to attract men who are in their masculine. If you're more in your masculine, you're more likely to attract men that are in their feminine or their unhealthy masculine. So feminine energy is going to influence the kind of men that you attract into your life. And I think when you're more in your feminine, you naturally then get more attracted to masculine men. Because sometimes too, masculine men, it's the sort of thing where it's, oh, I want to be with a masculine. But there are sometimes challenges that come with that. Like I'm with a very masculine man. He's incredible, wonderful man. And there are times when I want to be a very emotional girl and something is stressing me out, and I just want to vent about like I'm emotional and I'm having a little meltdown. I just want to talk to him about it. And he is so masculine, which is there's a problem, let me solve it for you. Because if I solve the problem, then you have no reason to be stressed and you can stop crying. Like, nobody need to cry for 30 minutes first. And so that can sometimes, to me, feel he doesn't care because he's not like babying me or like listening to me vent, which is helpful. There are moments when that's helpful. And a man can be like, what do you need right now? Do you need to be babied and vent, or do you want me to help find a solution? Yeah. But a very masculine man, his default is gonna be my girl has a problem, let me fix the problem because she's stressed. I want to make sure she has as little stress in her life as possible. I solve the problem, no stress, she's done crying. We'll get off the phone. However, though it's sometimes you're like, and sometimes that problem-solving energy is direct and it's firm, which doesn't always feel good when you're having a meltdown, right? Yeah. You're right. I feel like I'm sad. And so with this, right? It's like people say, Oh, I just want a masculine. And there's gonna be plenty of opportunities for you to grow in that too. And to realize, like for me, in those kinds of moments in my relationship, I'm like, oh, like I want a masculine man, I have a masculine man, he's credible and so masculine. And this is him being very masculine, right? And so it's okay. And this is how in this moment he's showing me he cares about me because he wants to fix my problems. Maybe needed to cry to my girlfriend first and then have him fix the problem. Let me get the girly emotions out somewhere else. Sometimes we gotta acknowledge, oh, this is his way of being masculine and showing me he cares about me. Appreciating it. And then being like, hey, next time, will you just give me two minutes of babying and then you find a balance that works better?

Men In Feminine And Paying

Alex 33:31

So, on the opposite end of the spectrum, what does a guy and his feminine look like? And how can you identify that?

SPEAKER_01 33:37

Yeah. I'm scared. This is gonna be so triggering for me. This is an interesting one. Pretty boys are very in their feminine energy. Men that are fixated on their looks tend to be a lot in their feminine energy because they have gotten a lot of attention for being good looking, which is more of a feminine thing, but they often have been able to get things easily by not doing much. And so if masculine energy is about action and like taking action and getting shit done, men who are like, I've always been like an attractive guy and people then do things for me, that's a very feminine energy place to be. And so that's something like guys are like taking selfies on social media. That's like a dead giveaway.

Alex 34:21

Sure, shirt off selfie at the gym.

SPEAKER_01 34:24

Yes. Unless you are a fitness influencer and you're actually doing this for your business and you are making money off of it, what are you doing? And even then, still maybe that is something like men who are like that kind of behavior, like a lot of selfies on social media, is often a giveaway for me or just fixated on their looks, which doesn't mean that a man can't be focused on his health and his fitness and take pride in how he looks. Absolutely not. But it's that like the validation piece. If he's getting validation from women and even men on how he looks, that's a pretty feminine energy kind of trait. Very emotional, right? Highly emotional is gonna be feminine energy, emotional volatility, that's unhealthy feminine energy. Even men who get angry a lot, that's feminine energy. And you can't control your anger, unhealthy feminine energy.

Alex 35:18

So men in their feminine say we're out getting drinks, you just met and you're like, oh no, I got this, or I'm gonna get mine. Do you think masculine men find that unattractive? Yes, actually.

SPEAKER_01 35:31

So I would so they either find it unattractive or they find it as uh you're not saying yes to the situation or to the like them, who knows what happened. But if you guys are chatting and stuff like that, and like you have a fun vibe going on, and then he offers to buy the drinks and you say, Oh, I'm good, that is like a cutoff of the, oh, she's not interested then. So that's naturally gonna be unattractive. Or it's either she's not interested, or oh, she's like doing the too independent thing. On that same note, right? Men can sometimes think, oh, if like she let me buy her a drink, then oh, then I'm am I on the hook for something. I know there's also those questions that go on for women as well. But the answer is no, you don't. You can enjoy the experience. I wouldn't accept that if you're not interested. If you like, I don't really enjoy talking to this guy, then don't let him buy you drinks.

Alex 36:26

That's why I just do it because I'm like, I don't want any expectation.

SPEAKER_01 36:29

If you're not actually like a man offering to pay for something, and a lot of men will do that with whatever women are around, even if it's like a male friend, though. But there can be men who are like, oh no, don't worry, they will always pay for the women around them. And it doesn't necessarily mean something that's just a value of theirs. But unless you are like as a woman in that kind of situation, a man like paying for you, you do have to realize that is some sort of acknowledgement in the interaction that's happening here. It's not you committing to any more than that, but you saying, I'm enjoying this right now. So let's keep talking. And if that's not where you're at, then you shouldn't accept it.

Alex 37:07

A thousand percent.

Culture, Independence, And Protection Patterns

Alex 37:08

Do you find it that through your experience and working with people that live outside of the US, men are more in their masculine than guys in the US?

SPEAKER_01 37:18

It depends on where, because I think it would totally depend on where.

Alex 37:22

Because I think also a lot of it your natural state, I've found, comes from your background and where you're from, morals and values or the way that you're raised.

SPEAKER_01 37:33

Which is why I think us here in the United States, in their 20s, 30s, and 40s, we've been raised with this mindset of you can do anything, you can be anything, which is great. And we also have been raised with the I can do anything a man can do, sort of thing. And while, yes, we want women to feel empowered and independent and like they can go chase their dreams and that they don't need anyone else to make that happen. But the downsides of that are the message that we're all the same, because that's not true, right? Like men and women are so different, and that's we complement each other in such beautiful ways. And so I think there is that hyper-independence built into our culture that can sometimes work against us in these kinds of situations and with masculine feminine energy that encourages us to be more in our masculine. And then there's also the world that we live in. We as adult women, we have to pay for our own things, right? Like most likely once we graduate college or even before, then you're supporting yourself.

Alex 38:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:35

You're paying your own rent or mortgage, buying your own groceries, gym membership, whatever it is. Like you're paying for yourself. So you have to take on, and not that it's a masculine role to work, have that independence here in our culture. And so we're encouraged to lean into that more. And in order to be like successful and stuff like that, we do need to lean into more of our masculine characteristics, support ourselves financially, can then lead to this being a little bit trickier to navigate. But then there's also things like trauma, like major trauma, but the then even being in bad relationships or like smaller kind of like little T traumas that can lead you to being like, you know what? I gotta put up these protective, like masculine energy walls so that I can keep myself safe. Because it's not safe to be the softer, more vulnerable version of me. So I think there's like a lot of factors with we have to unravel, unlearn, and still be able to take care of ourselves, support ourselves, make sure we're okay, and also know how to be in our soft feminine energy too. So it can be tricky to figure that all out.

Alex 39:38

As of the last two years, I've gone through a big healing journey. And before, because feminine energy is such a taboo topic, I'd be like, I don't even know how to step into that. I don't know what that looks like. And I'd be like, this just feels so unnatural to me. And I think that through maybe like the last year or so, I think that it's just been coming more naturally. It definitely stemmed from childhood because which I've talked about on here before is my parents got a divorce and I was raised around athletes and a lot of men, and it was you don't show emotion, you don't cry, what's the problem? We fix it, we don't talk about the problem, only talk about the solution, like very straight-driven things. And so maybe four or three months ago, someone was like, Oh my gosh, you're so emotional. And I was like, wow, like thank you so much. I really appreciate that because that's something I've never been called in my life. And so, for anyone that's struggling to step into their feminine energy and they might find it difficult or they feel dumb like I did, it's peeling back the layers to why can't you step into this? And it may be rooted in something a lot deeper than you even realize.

SPEAKER_01 40:52

Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, because they're there could be things where, like when you were very little, someone said something that made you think, oh, I shouldn't act like this, whether that was their intention or not. Or you could have been criticized for wanting to wear makeup or dress girly. So you're like, oh, being girly is bad. So then you stay away from that side of you too. So there's so many, and it doesn't always have to be a big thing. We already mentioned nervous system stuff and patterns. It can be something small. Sure, we can have big major traumas that affect us, but there also can be little things that you wouldn't even think of as trauma at all. But it's one time my best friend said this to me, and that's why I've had this whole belief my entire life. That's so silly. But it those certain things can stick with us and shape us for

Somatic Healing And Nervous System

SPEAKER_01 41:33

a long time. That's so crazy.

Alex 41:34

So through your coaching, do you do other techniques and things for you to be able to get to the root?

SPEAKER_01 41:41

And there's so many simple things that we can talk about them too for women who want to learn how to start practicing getting more into their feminine. But yes, with the coaching work I do, so I'm certified in somatic coaching, which is all about working with the nervous system, working with the body, the subconscious mind. And what I have found, not only just with myself, because I got certified because I wanted to understand that more for me, to help me break certain patterns and do certain healing for myself. And one of the things, when you're very self-aware and you can conceptually and intellectually understand things, but then you keep finding yourself doing the same crap. You're like, I get it. Why am I not changing this? It's because that pattern is living in your subconscious mind. It's living in your nervous system. So you may completely understand it, but unless you're healing it at the nervous system level, it's probably gonna stick around for a while. And so somatic healing is amazing because it works with that nervous system level, the subconscious mind, and you don't always have to know where it came from with somatic healing. Sometimes we don't. It's like I have this fear around this. Okay, sure, we can try and figure out where it comes from because that does help. But sometimes we don't have to know where it came from to clear it out. So yeah, somatic healing is so cool. So we do a lot of that kind of stuff. It's a lot about how I can come back into my body and work with the body to clear these things out that are no longer supporting me. Do you believe in past lives? No, no.

Alex 43:10

Some people I've had on the podcast, they talked about how subconsciously they have found that people have fears or different things and they've maybe rooted because of their past lives.

SPEAKER_01 43:22

I do believe we absolutely can have traumas or experiences in our bloodline and our lineage that we have carried through to our lives, even though it wasn't about us. So you can have a pattern. For instance, there used to be a pattern of narcissism in my family for women being with narcissistic men. I've experienced a couple narcissistic men. And so when I did a lot of healing around that, I'm like, but this isn't like where did this come from? And then looking back and be like, oh, this is a wound in my family that I can see back many layers. And I just inherited this wound. And so we can change that. So I do think too, like sometimes these things may not, I don't necessarily believe in the past life thing, but I'm like, oh, but this is part of my lineage. And I can choose to end so like I this is generational trauma that I didn't start, but I can end it. Even though I wasn't the one to open the door to it, I have a responsibility to end it and to do healing or it may continue after me.

Alex 44:28

Yeah, that's so interesting because I'm a big believer in that too. Even like generational divorce patterns stems from generational trauma and being able to break that. And a lot of it's through like your nervous system. Exactly. Do you attract narcissists because you're too much in your feminine?

Narcissists, Empathy, And Boundaries

SPEAKER_01 44:47

No. Narcissists tend to go for people who are highly empathetic because often that empathy will become toxic to the person. So if you're being targeted by or attracted people are like why do narcissists always come after me? Okay, there's that, but why do you let them into your life? It's a two-way street. They're attracted to you, you're attracted to them. What part can you control? Your part. Let's fix that. Narcissists tend to be attracted to highly empathetic people because those people will tend to always see the good in someone at the expense of their own well-being. They'll be like, no, but he just had so much trauma as a kid. And if I just love him a little bit differently, he'll learn what it feels like to be loved and then this whole problem will be solved. Yeah. So empathetic at their own detriment. They've typically poor boundaries but they're highly empathetic and caring. I'm talking about people who get targeted by or are often attracted to narcissists. They often are not in tune with their intuition because there's usually a lot of clues that a narcissist is going to give that would set that off in your body. Narcissists are often attracted to people who are confident or have traits that the narcissist wants. So narcissism is driven by deep core wound of shame. So they feel so much shame about themselves to the point where it's so subconsciously embedded. So they're they typically go for people who have traits that they want to amplify. And so that's like confident, social successful all of that. And so that can all be true, but then they may also have the poor boundaries not much self-worth and disconnected for them their intuition too much empathy without boundaries. And so that kind of combination that's why you can have women who are like oh my gosh you have all your stuff together and you're so confident. You're so incredible. And how did you let that kind of guy into your life is because the piece that's missing for that woman is the boundaries is the connection with her intuition and then listening to that. And then also like the worthiness piece because she can get then a lot of that oh if I just work harder, if I just do a little bit better, if I do it better next time, it'll all be okay and I'll get the loving side of him again. And so it's that performative self-worth. It's narcissistic is so fascinating to me. Yeah.

Alex 47:03

No, it's it's really fascinating. It's that performative aspect of me. I want to be successful in everything that I do. And I'm like, oh if I could just fix this one thing about him or if he has something that is feedback to me, I'm going to prove you right or I'm going to prove you wrong.

SPEAKER_01 47:21

And it's also that feeling too with the counterpart to the narcissist of the empathy thing over empathizing to where you excuse their poor behavior was just because like he didn't have a good father figure. He didn't have a good mother his mom was really bad to him or somebody was abusive or this happened. So that's why but if I just show him what love is like if I just show him this will change. And then that version of him I got in the beginning that was so perfect the love bombing and so attentive and all that, then I'll get that part back. Because they put on a show at the beginning. It's fake. So if I just love him right, if I just don't mess up and if I like deplete myself completely to just do what he needs, it'll fix him. And there's like the worthiness stuff. Yeah. He changes for me, then I'm worth loving. If I can get him to change, then I know I'm lovable. Because if he loves me enough, he'll change. And that's the trap that a lot of these women fall into is that they believe that love has to be hard and worked for and earned and that on some level they're not deserving of it. And so that's why they'll continue to try and prove themselves to a man like that because they're like if I can just fix this or I just do the right thing and he loves me, then I'm worthwhile

Feminine Boundaries And Calm Conflict

SPEAKER_01 48:29

to love and I'm lovable.

Alex 48:30

So it's not even going back to feminine energy. It's not too much you not being into it properly and protecting boundaries. Just because I think there's a connotation of like feminine energy and it's oh you're like quaint mute dainty and from what you have explained it's not that at all. It's being in your feminine energy which is just grounded calm confident and present. And then also taking some qualities from your masculine that are positive such as like boundaries authentic and straightforward and mixing the two together.

SPEAKER_01 49:09

Yeah absolutely so feminine energy isn't about being passive or like meek or not speaking up or anything like that. But it's like more in how you do those things right feminine energy at the queen level of embodiment you have very clear strict firm boundaries and those boundaries that's technically masculine energy the boundaries the firm borders that's the masculine piece. But those boundaries allow you to have an open heart. They allow you the space and the room to be in your feminine energy because if I have these boundaries up then this soft part of me is safe to be and play within those boundaries. When we don't have those boundaries then the feminine is not contained in a way and that's when we can put ourselves open to being taken advantage of or manipulated when we don't have good boundaries. And so feminine energy, no, it's not about I'm just going to be passive and the man says to do this and I will do it. And he's in charge always no matter what, I will never speak up. I do exactly what he says. That's not what feminine energy is that's passive energy. That may be what some men think feminine energy is or even some women but it's more how we handle things. It's if the man says and I do think though once you're in a marriage right my husband thinks we should do this. I disagree I'm going to trust his leadership it depends on what the situation is. But if it's something where you're like, okay, I don't think he's leading us down a bad path or into danger that's not my preference or my first choice. But if I'm trusting him to lead in our relationship and I think that's more reserved for marriage or if you're heading to marriage, then okay, I guess I yes I'm going to submit in this instance and trust his leadership with that. But if you're dating, it's not about oh everything he does is fine and I just go along with it. But it's about how do you deal with and how do you bring up the things that you do want to speak up on. It's not about I'm going to get explosive and yell or cry like why did you do that or nag and stuff like that. It's hey baby, when you did that, it actually made me feel a little anxious or a little unappreciated or whatever it is. Like in the future could you XYZ? So it's handling these sorts of things with grace and composure and not being emotionally chaotic because that emotional volatility and being emotionally reactive is unhealthy feminine energy. Some women think like just expressing my emotions whenever I want however they come out that's out of control feminine energy, which is not really good. Healthy men aren't going to want to be around that long. They want the variety and the spectrum of emotions but the volatility and the chaos no you have to be able to have big emotional experiences but still maintain your groundedness through them. With standards and boundaries there is a way to still be so boundaried and have so many standards and have disagreements in a very graceful way from your feminine energy. So it's not about I'm just meek and I just am passive and go along with everything. That's feminine energy. No, it's not it can be hey I want to have a conversation with you. What happened yesterday really hurt my feelings. Here's why it made me feel XYZ I would love it in the future if daction over like an explosive argument is going to be a much better outcome for you. Because one, you're not going to get as stressed and like he's going to listen more likely too men are much less inclined to listen when you are volatile and like highly erratic with your emotions. They're much more likely to listen and understand you, but they're more likely to hear you and see you and understand you when you can communicate with them like through the emotions. And that doesn't mean like you can't have a conversation when you're sad, but being able to be like, hey, I'm like really sad and hurt right now. And when this happens here's how I felt but not in a blaming kind of way. I'm just saying that is something that is not okay with me. And you don't have to put out ultimatums but being treated that way really doesn't work for me. So I would like please don't do that again. And that should be enough. You don't have to have it be some big fight and argument but it's by no means about being passive. It's still like you get to have your standards and boundaries but it doesn't have to be with a lot of like heat and fire. It's with grace and like clarity and not over explaining a ton, not getting defensive but just being like hey that doesn't work for me and and more like what's most effective honestly with those sorts you just remove your energy.

Alex 53:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:48

And not from a oh now I'm going to ignore you. Not petty like that. But like a hey here's how that made me feel I really don't like it. Yeah. And oftentimes that's enough. Yeah. And if it keeps happening and it's a pattern then maybe you have another more direct conversation if it becomes too often then you're done. And if you're in your feminine energy the healthy communication will just come naturally because you're in a state of like groundedness and in theory like a relationship is often one of your biggest mirrors right and so being in a relationship especially a like conscious deep like intimate connected relationship that is going to flush up like all your wounds and all your triggers in different ways right and yes in theory when you're in your feminine like those sorts of things are going to be much easier. And for the most part they are speaking from personal experience sometimes how your person handles something is going to activate your triggers. Keep in mind too you're not perfect they're not perfect. I think there's also this very black and white thinking with dating. With certain boundaries certain standards certain non-negotiables they're automatic disqualifiers. But there's such black and white thinking if he doesn't show up perfectly all the time every single time I'm out. He's not worth it. But are you showing up perfectly every single time likely not. And so realizing okay we're two

Submission, Roles, And Money Dynamics

SPEAKER_01 55:11

imperfect people navigating a relationship together he's probably not going to say everything right or do everything right. I'm probably not either do I trust that both of our intentions are coming from the right place? Yes. Or no who knows but hopefully yes. Is my heart in the right place? Yes. Is his? Yes. Is the execution of that going to always go the right way or go how we would want or go perfectly? No, it's not. And so realizing okay so my triggers are going to come up my wounds are going to come up and it'll give me opportunities to work on them, which can be really uncomfortable, especially when you're like, and this is my real life right now. I get to play with these things too where I go dang that thing that I thought I had healed so well, there was a little piece of it just got out. A little piece of it that was still in there just snuck out. Okay. Give myself some grace, forgive myself got it. We get to work on that how grateful am I that I get to become a better person because I just noticed that piece is still in there. A relationship is going to flush stuff up for you. And so it's about how now do I become a better version of myself when I see those things. But ultimately yes, when you're anchored in your feminine energy, able to regulate your nervous system effectively, it is going to make things so much smoother and you're still like stuff's going to happen.

Alex 56:26

Even you talking about that I have like so many thoughts and questions going off in my head. I'm like, oh gosh. But I think that's so true. And that's what I've said is relationships, as long as you know where you guys are at and that your intention and your heart is coming from a good place, then you should be able to meet each other where you're at or have good communication. But it's the intention behind it. Even with friendships too because there's some I'm like, I don't even think you have the best intentions for me. Maybe I'm going to have to step away from this. It's rooted in your nervous system. I I had some conversations with girlfriends literally this week.

SPEAKER_01 57:01

I mean like when this happens it just kicks up this part of me from when I was 16 years old zooming out afterwards I'm like oh yeah that moment I should not have said that. But we're aware and we can work on it.

Alex 57:14

I love everything that you talked about and the way that you explained it. I think that most people think that feminine is like this quiet energy and very submissive and I think that just comes from society playing it out. That you've even talked to guys who are like I want a woman who cooks, cleans does this does that and I'm like in my head feminine energy put the two together. But now that you've gone through it and talked about it at a deeper level I'm like oh maybe I am in my feminine energy.

SPEAKER_01 57:46

Yeah I will say feminine energy is submissive but submissive doesn't mean weak and submissive doesn't mean no standards or no like boundaries and submission following someone's leadership guidance a masculine energy man is going to want to be in more of that leadership role in the relationship. That doesn't mean that he's always a leader decision maker on every single thing. Some men might be that way. That's when we start to is this healthy or not? Maybe not right I think that's his role to lead the relationship.

Alex 58:18

If that's how you see it, which is how I like to do things depending what religion you believe in but in the Bible men are supposed to lead. They are biologically made different than females for that reason. It's the way that you submit to them or let them lead.

SPEAKER_01 58:31

That doesn't mean you should submit to and follow every single man. I think there's a lot of men that I'm a man so she should submit to me because I'm a man. Submission is a privilege that is earned. It's earned if the woman feels safe with you it's earned by are you a man of your word? Do your actions align with your words that's how you can earn someone's trust so that they submit to you does she feel safe around you are you a man of your word are you integrist? Do you take action to you create a safe space for her to feel comfortable enough to let go and surrender and submit. But if you're not creating that if you're not leading with that kind of energy that allows her to feel safe enough to submit, you don't deserve the submission it's not an automatic I'm a man, she's a woman must submit. That's not how it works. You need to be a man worth submitting to there's a lot of men who I'm a man, I deserve submission. No, not necessarily but there's a lot of women who don't know how to submit either in that like masculine energy space or like super guarded or the hyper independent kind of space and stuff like that who don't know how to like let go and trust someone else. Like one extreme to another. Yeah exactly. So it's happening from both sides for sure. But I think too like when you're in a relationship even with a man who's more the leader and expects to be in that role there's still ways as a woman that you lead. I think in those kinds of situations heart and soul emotional stuff then is often like not the woman's whole responsibility but she's then going to generally lead in like the heart and soul stuff. He's leading in the stuff in the world and like leading the home, the relationship like all that kind of like manly stuff, right? I'm generalizing with some of these things. And then it's okay. She gets to lead with the heart and soul kind of things. So there's definitely opportunities too for a woman who is submissive to be taking the lead in a way that is very balanced.

Alex 1:00:29

Which I guess some people can define that as like cooking making sure the household's put together making sure the kids are taking care of all of that and that's where that stigma comes from would you say yeah and it's not a bad thing. I'm not trying to say it is but I feel like today it has that stigma of you can't be both. You can't be a own your own business be a boss and then be stay at home cooking cleaning and doing all that a guy either wants one or another and I feel like a guy that's in his healthy masculine is you can do both. Like you can do whatever you want.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:02

Yeah I think so and I think that yes absolutely and I think with that too a man in his healthy masculine he might like he'll just want to if that's the really d dynamic that you want in your relationship of okay he's more in the masculine role I'm more in the feminine role and like stereotypical ways that plays out you just want to talk through okay what does that look like? What feels best for you? What feels best for me? Are you wanting me to cook all the time or is that something you enjoy doing with me or what are the expectations there and understanding what that is because it might look different for everybody, right? So having those conversations and I think to a man who's in his healthy masculine and like a woman who's okay I have goals, I have my own business, all this kind of stuff, but I also want to be like in a soft feminine place with you in our relationship. It's just then to in that kind of situation, it's like making sure that you're not bringing a ton of that masculine energy into the relationship, right? Which puts a little more work on the woman right. But also figuring out what that balance is that works within the relationship. Right. Because it could be like, hey, I yeah, I absolutely want you to have your own thing and do your own passions. And are we on the same page if we start noticing you're super stressed or super busy and our relationship isn't getting as much time and energy. Like what do we do then? Figuring out the game plan. Should we hire you as an assistant so you have less pressure on you so that you have more room and space to be in that softer energy. I think you got to figure it out with your person. But yes, a healthy masculine man, a lot of the time they might prefer that you're not workaholic boss babe. But how you do that also matters. If you're super stressed and busy and preoccupied and high strung, they might not love it that you're working a ton. But if you're able to do those things with a lot of grace, sometimes you're going to get stressed or be busier than other days. If you're able to do it in a lovely way, then it's generally not going to be an issue. I'm all for women having their own stuff that makes them happy whether it's hobbies or volunteer stuff or your own business, your side hustle.

Alex 1:03:04

I have a question, but it's just of my own. It's up to you whether I do or not I don't care. What do you think about women leading the household financially they're working 24-7 or like a nine to five and the man staying at home watching the kids.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:24

That's not my preferred setup. However, if that's what works for them, great, do it.

Alex 1:03:31

Does that stem back to masculine and feminine energy?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:36

Yes and no because it depends on how you got there. Because you could be a woman who's in tune with her feminine energy and run a super successful business. And maybe your husband works and you're like, wait a second, my business has blown up to the point where we don't need to both be working. What if I'm more passionate about my business than you are with yours and it's making more money then would it make sense for me to be the sole provider like that person, the woman if that couple is yeah that sounds great, then that can absolutely work and you can still be with a man who's masculine if you're the sole breadwinner. I think though with that get tricky because I do think that men are naturally wired to be purpose driven. Men often get a lot of purpose from what they do. And I want to be very clear that's not the only place that a man gets purpose or the only way that he can at all. But men are naturally purpose driven. And so if he's then no longer working important that they're totally good with it. Like she's the breadwinner because her business takeoff and she loves it and she's doing it well and she's also I feel so good. I can still be in my feminine we're making more than enough money. You don't need to work amazing he just needs to feel purposeful in doing it. Otherwise that's when I think problems can be created. And that doesn't mean that he won't find a ton of purpose in pouring into his family. But that could be where that purpose then okay my purpose to be like the best dad. I'm going to coach the sports teams. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do all these cool things to our home or whatever it is. I think when men don't have some sort of purpose driving them, that's when they can start to feel unfulfilled.

Alex 1:05:13

In that situation I think you can make that work situational like innately my opinion's probably unpopular but I feel like yes as a female you should be able to have your business and do your thing and also if you want to have kids take care of the household but I don't think that they should be the one that's solely working and the husband or man is staying at home. I think just innately it puts you guys at a hierarchy where it demasculates.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:46

I think it can be for men I think it can be but if a man is like a healthy balanced man it's not gonna emasculate him. And they would as a c team be like Okay, this is our money. How do we want to what do we want to do with it? It'd be a beautiful thing if you both have businesses or he has a good job, but you have your own side hustle and he's working really hard so that you can have a side hustle that's not a full-time job. And then what if that side hustle then takes off and becomes huge? Like how amazing that he was working so hard to make that happen. And then you're like, wait, now we don't need your job anymore. Let's run this company together and both be super present parents, right? Or no, now you take a break and I'll focus on this. I think that can work. I think that for men, that's really challenging, but I think that it's doable. But I agree. I think that women can have a hard time with that change and have then look down on men for that. So I think it is situational. Yeah. And feminine how that works absolutely the roles that we play. And I think too, if both people are like, this is great and this is working, awesome.

Feminine Or Internet BS Game

SPEAKER_01 1:06:54

Yeah.

Alex 1:06:54

Okay. I want to play a little game quickly because we're running out of time. These are scenarios, and you're either gonna say if it's feminine energy or just the internet stigma or like social media stigma. Okay. Okay. Letting someone play on the date instead of controlling every detail. Feminine energy. Pretending you're unavailable to seem mysterious.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:16

That's like internet BS game.

Alex 1:07:18

Okay. Being emotionally expressive and open. Feminine energy. Never texting first. Internet BS. Okay. Receiving compliments without deflecting them. Feminine energy. Okay. If you do deflect compliments, what does that mean?

SPEAKER_01 1:07:40

So deflecting compliments usually is a subtle way of showing that you have a hard time receiving. Maybe you don't feel worthy of the compliments. And feminine energy about receiving. And if you say you want a masculine man who's a provider and a protector, and he, I want him to take me on amazing dates and I want him to give me a soft life and all that kind of stuff. If you can't even accept a compliment, why do you think you're going to be able to accept him doing these other nice things for you? And so that's one of the big things is if you can't even receive a compliment, we've got some work to do. So how do you practice receiving? So you let somebody compliment you and you just are open to it. And so think about a compliment as like a gift that someone's giving you. There's plenty of people who give BS compliments, right? So that's not necessarily what we're talking about. But like a compliment, like sometimes it's uncomfortable for people to give a compliment, be like, oh my gosh, she's so beautiful. I want to compliment her. I love her outfit. I'm nervous. I'm going to say something. And so then they compliment you and you're like, no, I'm not. Right? Like that. What if it took so much courage for that person to compliment you and they're like, eh, whatever. No, I'm not, right? Or they deflect it so bad and they're like, no, you are, right? Instead of thinking about it, like, oh, they want to give me this gift that's going to make me feel good. And so how do I acknowledge and honor that gift and treat it with respect and acknowledgement? Oh, I receive it and I actually let myself hear it and feel it. So we can practice. So I could say something like, You are so beautiful. You have beautiful eyes. I love your style so much. Thank you. You're welcome. And that's it. Like you just practice receiving the compliment, hearing it, and believing that it's not a good thing.

Alex 1:09:21

Naturally, I wanted to give you back a compliment.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:24

Which is okay as long as it's authentic, but you should take a moment to hear it and feel it and be like, wow, that was so kind and thoughtful, instead of immediately deflecting. Because that's like a little tip for the women practicing feminine energy. Allow yourself to receive compliments. I'm bad at receiving. So acknowledgement is one of the first steps. Yeah. Exactly. And so if someone wants to just give you a compliment, thank you so much. Or if you're out in the wild and someone grabs a door for you, thank you so much. I appreciate it.

Alex 1:09:55

Yeah. I think I'm so good at giving compliments and receiving compliments from strangers. Isn't that interesting? Comes to people that are close to me. I get so uncomfortable. Oh.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:06

We've got a little intimacy. Oh block.

unknown 1:10:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:12

Little. Yeah. So just practicing.

Alex 1:10:16

Okay. Enjoying the moment instead of overanalyzing everything. Feminine energy. Allowing someone to support you. Feminine energy. Trusting your intuition when something feels off.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:30

Feminine energy.

Alex 1:10:31

Love. The compliment one is an interesting topic for me.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:35

And realizing too, you don't, because again, it's that now I owe them something. And that's no, but you're not. Receive the gift. Yeah. You don't owe them anything. You what you owe them is appreciation and gratitude and acknowledgement. You don't owe them a compliment back. You don't now owe them a favor. You don't now owe them your number or you don't owe them a date because they gave you a compliment. You just owe them the presence and the appreciation and the gratitude. That's it.

Alex 1:11:01

Maybe it stems from thinking that like you alone aren't enough. Oh, I don't deserve that.

How To Work With Lauren

Alex 1:11:06

Yeah. Okay. So if someone wants to go through your coaching, how can they contact you? What does that look like?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:14

Absolutely. You guys can either take a look at my website, lawrencealon.com, or like slide. There's programs on there, freebies, you can book a coaching call, all of that. Or you can just like slide into my DMs if you have any questions or anything, or you have, hey, here's what I'm working on. Send me a message and we'll talk about it and see what would help most. My Instagram is Lauren Salon.

Alex 1:11:35

I'll attach all of her socials, her website, everything below, so you guys can check that out. Thank you so much for coming on. Great. I feel like I just had my own personal one on one session. So I hope it relates to you guys as well. I really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:49

Absolutely. Thank you for having me.

Alex 1:11:51

Of course. Thank you guys for listening to another entry of the Dry Diaries. I will see you next week. Bye.