Can you have it all as a Woman? Tolulope Mike-Bamiloye on Marriage, Motherhood, and Ministry!

Can a woman really do it all — build a career, raise children, serve in ministry, and stay grounded in her walk with God, without losing herself in the process?

On this episode of the Dear Christian Girl Podcast, I sit down with Tolu Mike Bamiloye — Christian actress, registered dietitian and nutritionist, and host of the widely watched YouTube talk show Truth Talk with Ted. Tolu is also a devoted wife and mom of two, and she brings honest, hard-won wisdom to a conversation every woman juggling multiple callings needs to hear.

🎧 Listen and be encouraged!

This podcast is hosted by Mo! 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Is it true that marriage and children slow women down? It stops you from achieving what God has called you to do. No, and that is a lie of the enemy. It's a big delay. I did not know how much patience that somebody would need. I'm like God. That's my patience is the fruit of the spirit. Nobody prepared me for the fact that there's a lot of sleepless nights, or even if they said it to you, it doesn't turn on your TV.

SPEAKER_02 0:32

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

So he so I had my first son, and I was so sleep deprived. I'm trying to sleep. There's a baby crying, he doesn't want to sleep. I'm like, what is going on here? As a marriage or as a mother, you shouldn't lose yourself. This I'm like, sometimes you may need to lose the idea of who you think you are for who God wants you to be. Good morning, everyone, and welcome to another episode of the Dear Christian Girl Podcast. It is always a blessing to sit on this couch and bring to you another episode of this podcast. My guest today is a very special woman. She's a child of God. She's a woman of God. She's a Christian filmmaker, a Christian actress, she's a registered dietitian and nutritionist. She's a devoted mom and wife. And um, she's a mom of two handsome boys, and she hosts one of the um widely watched YouTube talk show, True Talk With Ted, and she engages viewers with honest, relatable, and inspiring conversations. And she's just a good human being, um, generally, and I'm so honored to have here Toli Lokwe Mike Bameluya. Thank you so much, Toli, for joining us today on the Dear Christian Girl Podcast.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

Thank you so much for having me. It's an honor to be here. Thank you so much for having me here today.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

You're welcome. I feel like we've been trying to do this uh podcast for the longest time, and I'm so happy we are finally doing this because I know how busy you are. You know, I know how busy you are with everything going on, and so I'm grateful, you know, that you have taken out the time to um join us today. Thank you very much, and we do not take it for granted. So, today we are going to be talking around a lot of things. We're going to talk about motherhood, marriage, you know, career, um, you know, calling, ministry, and all of that. And I'm very excited because I feel like you are us thinking like who best can do justice to this topic, you know, and the answer to me is Tolu. So thank you. Yeah, so um, I'm interested in learning about your background. I mean, I know a little bit about it, but for those watching, you know, um uh did you grow up in a Christian home? You know, I know that you have a solid relationship with God and you are not afraid to be vocal about your relationship with God. Um, is that how did you have that Christian background? How did you grow up? Um, yeah, so um my parents are pastors, so yes, I grew up in a Christian home. Um so basically, I've I've been a church girl all my life, like a proud church girl. So yeah, yeah, so basically I grew up in a Christian home, and it was you know just a journey, it has been a journey of growth, to be honest. Because your parents are pastors, so you have you go to church, you you you hear stories about God, you know, almost every day. Every day, because there's devotion at home every day, there's church, there's midweek service, there's Sunday service. Um, and I remember when um my dad led us to Christ because it was my dad that led me, yeah, led us to Christ. I think it was one devotion, and we were just you know sitting around um having devotion. And then my dad asked us, Are you a Christian? We're like, Yes, we are. And then he's like, Okay, what makes you say you're a Christian? I'm like, uh, we are born into a Christian home, so we are Christians. And he's like, no. So he now explained the concept of you know sin and why we need to give our life to Christ. And he explained it to us in a way that you know, as children we could understand. Because I think I was in the primary school then, and then after he's not like, okay, so are you ready to give your life to Christ? And I'm like, Oh, yes, yes, we are ready to give our life to Christ. But I mean, over the years, my my work with God has you know been a journey of growth and understanding, because I I believe that you know, when you give your life to Christ, you don't automatically transform and know everything about God. No, it's a it's a journey of growth, learning, relearning, and you know, just you know, working with God. For sure, for sure. Love me an intentional father, love me an intentional daddy's lap because there are a lot of um pastors who just assume you know that their children are Christians because you know they've been born into a Christian home, but your parents did not make that assumption, you know, and I'm happy about that because what you see is a lot of pastors' children maybe growing up in a Christian home and they're not actually Christians, you know, so it's always very necessary to take that step. My daughter is three, and sometimes I find you know, I'll be like, Are you a Christian? Are you like, is she too young? I don't think she's too young. Are you a Christian? Say after me. And I'm like, let me calm down, but I'm like, uh, don't let me take any chances. So it's it's very necessary, yes. And um, I want us to there's something I always hear um this pastor say, Pastor Emmanuel Iran. He says that you don't know what God has done for you if you are born into a Christian home, and your parents, maybe two generations, three generations down the line, were Christians, but you're not starting from scratch, you already have that foundation, that's um that ability to be consistent, you know, spiritually and all of that. Like you already have that foundation, and it helps, you know. You know how to pray, you know how to do devotion, and even if you stray, you know, and when you come back, like it's easy to just pick up from when you started. Your parents are praying for you, and it's always a great advantage, you know, to be born into a Christian home.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Yeah, very good.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

So, thank you for sharing that. Yeah, and just to add to that, I think another thing that I helps with is especially if your parents are, you know, living what they're preaching, it's just easier for them to see, you know, see the gospel come to life. You have you know examples like, oh, okay, so they're saying this at home, and that's how they are outside. It's not like they're saying something else and behaving one way, so it's just easier to see you actually living a Christ-like life. Like see your parents live a Christ-like life, so you know what that looks like as well. Yeah, for sure. I want us to just switch into motherhood. And I've known you from your single years, and you know, it's just beautiful to see how you flourished, you know, from a single lady who was passionate, you know, for God and who is still passionate for God, you know, to getting married, um, and just having two beautiful boys. And I want us to talk about motherhood because it's a topic that you know we we have to talk about. And there's a narrative today that I see online when I'm maybe doom scrolling on Instagram or whatever, and I see I just see um views about like, oh, I don't want to be a mom, or is I I'd rather be childless, you know, being a parent sucks, like you you give all your energy into being a mom, like they they paint it in such a way that it doesn't look attractive for anyone. And I've had conversations with younger girls who are like, I don't want to do this, it's it just looks stressful. I'm not called for this stressful, like I don't I can't I I cannot, I want to just live my baby girl lifestyle. I don't want my body to change, you know. I don't want I can't stress which baby crying don't stress me. My care is slowing my career down by now. I should be VP, but then I'm taking maternity, all of this talk. And I remember the Holy Spirit, I was married, but I didn't have a child at the time, and the Holy Spirit cautioned me like, look at what you're feeding your mind with. I had to stop, I think delete Instagram and just be like, no, this is nonsense because it will start feeding into your subconscious, and before you know it, you're like, Well, maybe I want to wait. There's nothing wrong with waiting before having children, but I want to wait for one year, three years, five years. I don't want to, you know, you start feeding your mind with all of these. I'm sorry to say, jargons, you know. So I just want to talk about that um for a bit. How true is that? Like, is it true that marriage and children slow women down? It stops you from achieving what God has called you to do or be. No, I don't that is a lie of the enemy, it's a big lie. Yes, because the purpose of marriage and motherhood is actually to you know make you be more Christ-like. That's the honest truth. Because marriage and motherhood would stretch you, it would stretch you, and you you need to understand that it's it's a different phase, you know. Like you said, when you were single, it was just you, you know, you could do things and you just you so you it was convenient, but now when you get married and then you become a mother, oh, it's a whole different bogging. Oh my god. And of course, marriage has work. So I feel a lot of people that are saying that is mainly not wanting to do the work, to put in the work, because marriage would make you marriage and motherhood, let's feel this since we're talking about both, would make you more selfless. You you you stop living just for yourself, so you start living, you know, in purpose as well, because God always has a purpose for marriage and for motherhood, so there's always a purpose in every season that you find yourself in. So the season of marriage and motherhood is also a season that God wants to build certain characters in you. Oh my god, that like I myself I did not know how much patience that somebody would need until I became a mom. I'm like, God, that's my patience is a fruit of the spirit.

SPEAKER_02 10:06

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

Because there are a lot of things that you know you did not even know you need, or it'll be needed, or a lot of you know, traits and attributes that were inside of you. You know, when you're digging for gold, you have to go deep, deep, deep. So, marriage and mar motherhood is something that kind of brings out some of those things that God has placed inside of you. That's when you realize that oh, I'm I'm actually a more organized person than I thought I was as a single person. Oh, I can, you know, and then also watching the children grow and blossom is something really beautiful. Like it's God, you know, entrusting these children into your hands and say, okay, like something my dad has always said, and and I think he really instilled that thing inside of us is that God is everybody's father. He would tell us, God is your father, I'm just your cataker on earth. So he's as he's your father, he's my father. So whatever you need, and whatever you need, you can always go to him. So he made it, he made us made it clear to us that, oh, yes, I am your earthly father, but God is still your number one father. So your your attention still goes to him. So even him as his parenting us is still accountable to God as our father, as our earthly father. So that's what we also need to understand that God did not design for you to go through marriage and motherhood by yourself. Because in your own strength, yes, you will be frustrated. You cannot do it. If you can't do it, you'll be frustrated, you'll be tired. You thank God for strength because God is also trying to develop some things inside of us, he's also trying to build some things inside of us. Recently, I like to use this story that God has, you know, really been using for me. It's the story of the children of Israel. You know, when the when God saved them from Egypt, you know, the Bible said there was a longer route, there was a shorter route they could have taken. But God took them through the longer route because he knows that if he takes them the short route, they will go back. If what was to happen, they will just run back to Egypt. And that would mean they are not fulfilling the will of God. Because God said, I'll take you to a land that I'll show a land flowing with milk and honey, like as he has promised their father. So there was a purpose God had, and they had to align with that purpose to for God's will to be done. So he took them to the longer routes because, and then he also wanted to be developed, you know, they've been slaves for so long in Egypt for so long. So he needed to develop some things inside of them, patience, you know, how to, you know, relate to this god that they are just you know getting to know more and more. So I feel like marriages and motherhood is kind of like you know, it's also a journey, it's a journey, but you determine if it will be a good one or it will be a horrible one, just like the children of Israel. I like this analogy. So just like them, you know, God had God patted the Red Sea. They see they saw him pat the Red Sea, he rescued them, he kept to his word. And just the fact that you did not have food, you start grumbling, you start murmuring. You were better off in the in, you know, we're better off in Egypt as if we had food to eat. Why did you save us? So if if only that just I'm like, these people, you you just saw God part Red Sea. Is it food that he cannot provide for you?

SPEAKER_03 12:57

Why did you just even the fact that you're even asking for food?

SPEAKER_01 13:00

Food is a good thing in itself, but how you are asking for it is even is the problem. You are complaining, you are saying you are you are you know questioning the capability of God. Like, God, what why did you save us? Meanwhile, you could have just gone, God, yeah, our father, you know we need food. Please provide for us, just like the Bible says that you know, be anxious for nothing, but with prayer, supplication, and thanksgiving, let your request be made known unto God. So I feel a lot of people, the mindset you have in your in your marriage, like in your season of marriage and motherhood, it does a lot. So you don't be like the children of Israel that's just complaining and murmuring and looking at the negatives. But I was kind of a victim of that, especially when I had my first child. Oh my god, nobody prepared. You know, they will say it, but when you are experiencing it, you'll be like, What?

SPEAKER_02 13:48

What is saying?

SPEAKER_01 13:49

Yes, and I'm blessed with a very energetic and you know, passionate boy. And you know, my son is his sleeping is very unique because if it sits for two minutes, it it can't be away for the next five hours. So for me, that I loved I love my sleep. Like I don't in my house, they used to call me Jonah Loro because I love to sleep, I love my beauty sleep. So, and here I am, nobody prepared me for the fact that mother would call me a lot of sleepless nights, or even if they said it's you, it doesn't dawn on you until you're an idiot.

SPEAKER_02 14:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

So he my so I had my first son and I was so sleep deprived. I'm trying to sleep. There's a baby is crying, he doesn't want to sleep. I'm like, what is going on here? What's going on? Oh my god. There are days that I would back him and he would just be there, he would just be playing. And I'm like, I want to sleep and pray. I'm like, God, I want to sleep. What is going on? Please, I just want my sleep. So they were, and then I realized that I had to shift from the at that point, you know, thoughts of, oh my god, is it why why? I was better off as a single person, please. So they didn't have to bring it back to Egyptians. We were better off in Egypt. Just because you know, things were not going the way they expected it or wanted it to go. That it was something that was out of their comfort zone, something they were used to. So they're like, God, but I was better off as a single person, you know, there was nobody that was disturbing me. But you have to catch that thought. I had I learned to, you know, catch that thought immediately and instead start praying, Lord, I receive strength. I receive strength for this phase. I receive strength. This boy is a gift that you have given unto me. You you I have the Holy Spirit inside of me to strengthen me through this phase to help me see the positive. And I start thinking about the positive things. I start thinking of the faithfulness of God in you know, in his life and in my life, and the strength that God has given to me. Because I can't parent in my own in my own strength alone. So I had to change my perspective. I say, no, no, no. I'm not because if you entertain that thought, you will go down that line and you it will just be a frustration. And then you even release the frustration on your husband and other people around you. And the child and the child, the children. You know, it's when I became a mother, I realized I I understood mothers better, especially those that are impatient. And I'm like, no, I'm not, I'm not going to be that kind of mother. I'm going to, you know, to parent with grace and patience. I'm going to be a spirit-led mother. I know that. I mean, there are days where you're like, I know. But most of the days you just, you know, learn. Because every phase comes with its own struggles, its unique challenges. But then the mindset you have also really matter. And the and then who are you relying on? Are you relying on your own strength alone? That's why the Holy Spirit is there with us to help us as children of God. You know, you also need to learn to help because he knows his children more than we do. So we can't do it in our own strength. So, yeah, I don't think that that's not a good narrative. And there are a lot of things that God, you know, is making of you that you for some people you would not be able to become that person except you go through this phase. Wow, beautiful. You've said so many good things. I don't even know where to start from, but I want to just dwell on mindset for a bit. And I think my husband is the one who taught me and is still teaching me about mindset because I remember when I also just had my baby, I just felt so sad and so depressed, and I felt like a victim. Like, oh my god, what is happening? And I couldn't understand how I just had a baby. A baby is supposed to bring joy. Why am I feeling sad? But it was the sleep deprivation, it was the maybe difficult labor, difficult things that people don't prepare you for, and everything just hits me. And I'm like, what is going on? And I didn't even feel like I could talk about it with really anyone because they're like, You just had a baby, you know, like it's a thing of joy. Be happy, but uh I had the wrong mindset, I won't lie. And I remember one day I was just feeling very sad, and it felt like there was a dark cloud around me, and I just heard the Holy Spirit say, Have you tried gratitude? Have you tried to give thanks? Yeah, and I'm like, hmm, okay. So I started a gratitude journal. Lord, I thank you because today I was able to breastfeed my baby. I thank you because today a friend brought me rice and I didn't have the energy to cook. I thank you because today my husband was able to overnight and watch the baby. And I just had to thank God. And I saw that my mindset started to shift, it started to shift. My joy, my mood lifted, my joy lifted, and I'm like, this is my reality. Motherhood is stressful. There will be sleepless nights, you know, the night you can sleep. Thank the Lord for it. The night you cannot sleep. It's okay. You keep you keep moving, there will be difficult days, right? But that mindset shift just really helps me get through it. And the next thing I wanted to talk about is just that and I don't know if I should say demonic mindset. Like, where does it come from? That mindset of oh, I'm going to lose opportunities if I don't um pursue this career, if that is how the Lord is leading you, because I know not everyone is supposed to get married and all of that, but if that's how the Lord is leading you, but you are fighting it, fighting it. Like, how where did that mindset come from and how do you deal with that mindset? I'm sure you know the word of God is you know one way, leading leaning on godly counsel and watching what you surround yourself with is another way, but I just want to hear from you like how do you deal with that mindset? Okay, yeah, that's a really, you know, a really good question. And so before I answer that question, I just want to talk a little bit on gratitude and how God also really used that gratitude for me. Same with the story of the it was this story of the I'm like, you know, when you read something and you think you're reading it for other people, and you don't know that it's actually you that God is using it for, to He's trying to use it to speak to you. So you use that story, the story of the Israelites also teach me the importance of gratitude and how gratitude shifts your focus from what is missing to what God is doing. It helps you focus on what is working, on the goodness and the faithfulness of God. Because if you if when you're when you're not grateful, you're basically focusing on what is not working, what's what you're lacking, and most times what is not working or what is lacking can even be 10%. And you you blind you from the remaining 90% of things that are working in your favor of the goodness of God. And I had to also start a gratitude journal. Like I'm like every week, because I couldn't do everything. So I said every week, I'll just write you know the things, the things I'm grateful for in that week, and it was so powerful. It just you know how yeah, things are some things you know are not working as you want it to, or some things, but yeah, like it will work, it even helps you trust in God, helps you to, you know, ground your trust in God more. So, yeah, gratitude is a really powerful one. That's it's non-negotiable, to be honest. So, when you say for that, for the mindset more now, I feel that a lot of times what you feed on also affects how you think and how you see things. There was a study that came up that showed um, like majority, like maybe 80% of people read their Bible maybe once in a month. I can't remember the specific, but once in a month. And the person was saying, okay, so if you say you want to, you know, live a Christ-like life and think like Christ, and you're only feeding on the word of God once in a month, and the rest of the other days, you're feeding on worldly things. It's the worldly things that will influence your mind, they will influence your thinking. Just like you know, we when you're focusing, I was a little surprised about the things you're saying because I have not really come across those things. I'm like, once I see them, I just skip like what's this? I'm not interested in all these. So, like what you focus on, what you're seeing, is so powerful. It it has a way of affecting your mind. Even in the Bible, we see it. Is it that in Galatians or Romans that says, you know, those that are controlled by the spirit feed on the things of the spirit, but those that are controlled by the flesh feed on the things of the flesh, and that is what will indirectly affect how you see things, your mindset. And that's why the Bible says, be renewed by the you know, be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

SPEAKER_02 21:47

Your mind.

SPEAKER_01 21:48

And you know, when we are saved, our spirit is, you know, recreated, but our minds is still the same. That's why we have to now renew constantly, and it's a it's an ongoing process, we have to renew our minds. Are you feeding on what because I say the mind is so powerful, it determines a lot of things about your life, to be honest, because it's everything you do, you you have to think about it, it comes from the place of your mind. How you even even when the negative thoughts come, how you fight those thoughts, it also is also in the place of your mind. So, what are you feeding on? So, if you're you know feeding on things that people are saying, the negative things people are saying, that's how your mind will be processing and feeding on those negative things. And I think this is something God has really been pointing out to me as well: the importance of you know continually renewing our minds as children of God. It's not a one-time thing, and that's why you find a lot of Christians are stuck in one place because their mind is still stuck there. And God is like, There's so much more I want to do with and through you. But I just need you to, you know, surrender your mind, renew your mind. I want you to see things from my perspective, see as I'm working in this situation, see as I'm doing something like as I'm moving. I pray God will help us in Jesus' name. It takes it takes you know intentionality. We don't, it doesn't, it doesn't just happen because I feel a lot of Christians feel the transformation just happens. No, it doesn't just happen. There's a place of prayer, yes, but there's also a prayer of diligently studying and knowing what the word of God says, and also, yeah, like you said, listening to godly counsel. Like what one of the times when my story and yours is very similar. I was like, so I was you know that feeling, you're not getting off, and you're just feeling someone like this phase. I'm not I'm I'm not enjoying it as I thought I should. So I spoke to somebody, one of my aunties, and she's like, we better be grateful, just be grateful to God for what he has done. Look at you know his faithfulness and all. So, and be voicing it out at that point also helped because I I always felt like a relief, like, okay, I'm able to say this. I'm able to so even if you're in that phase, find somebody you can talk to, find somebody you can that can just help you point your attention back to the right, you know, to the right step. Like you said, your husband was also. Oh, my husband was oh my god, we were doing the sleepless nights together. I'm like, oh my god, God bless this man. Once baby is crying, he will just wake up because he cannot sleep. So I'm like, Oh my god bless you. Yes, yes, God will continue to help us, like and you know, just surrounding yourself with um a great community and people that can come come and help you. Maybe you need to do laundry or you need to sleep for two hours, just friends, you know, godly friends and people who can help you, parents or family, yes, just leaning into your community, learning how to ask for help. I love you. Like, I think one of my shockers as well was I thought that by the time I come back, I'll still be able to do everything I was doing in the house. I don't realize that you have to lie down and rest that so every and then most sometimes people may not clean your house or do the things you want them to do the way you want it, but in that phase, just be grateful for the help you get because the fact that they're leaving their own things to come and help you, it's uh it's a huge, you know, um sacrifice for them as well. Just be grateful and appreciate, forget because I feel like at times the devil tries to point attention to the irrelevant things and make it look big while the the relevant things are looking tiny, but focus on the relevant things and just be grateful. Just and having that mindset, just determining in your heart that what come what's me, this season, I'm going to enjoy it, I'm going to bloom, I'm going to blossom, I'm going to be intentional, I'll put in my best, whatever I need to do, I'll put in my best and then leave God to do his own part. I'm not going to try and do God's part for him. So just having that resilient and victorious mindset that things are working out for my good. And I think the devil also attacks a lot of people's a lot of people's minds. Say no. Because the devil brings thoughts. Those some of those thoughts are, you know, the devil bringing it to your mind, and you now have the choice to either say, okay, identify this thought. Where is this coming from? Is it from God? Is it from the devil, or is it my own thoughts? And then you now know what to do with it. If it's from the devil, you reject it, cast it out immediately. Like immediately. Because once you let it land, it will it will just keep spiraling down. You start doubting yourself. I'm not a good mom, I don't know how to do this. I don't you like you start, oh my god, you start doubting yourself and just go down that that gloomy and everything. But yeah, so we need to identify those mindsets and take the necessary actions once you do that. For sure, for sure. I just wanted to quickly touch on that renewing your mind with the word of God. I've realized that when I don't study the Bible, maybe I don't meditate on the word of God, even if it's just a verse that day, my attitude is sus, like I'm just cranky, I'm just like, I'm not my attitude is just funny, you know. I'm impatient, I'm I don't give as much grace as I should. And when I trace it, or maybe I see something and it robs me of the wrong way, and I'm like, mm-mm, mm-mm, because of the Holy Spirit, very self-aware. I'm like, no, that's not allowed here. What's happening? I trace it because you you are you are not reading your Bible, you are not studying the word of God, you are not meditating on the word of God. I went and I'll check maybe my phone history. I was on Instagram, maybe for two hours or what so it's very subtle, so you have to make sure that you are constantly feeding, don't even skip without reading. People just you know, thinking on it, feeding on the things of God. It's like I said, there's a passage that that I'm like I really hold it there where it says, you know, when um is if a flesh-controlled mind for for lack of um let me paraphrase it like a flesh-controlled mind feeds on the things of the flesh, that is not the things that don't benefit, and the the spirit and the flesh are always, you know, they are like this, they are never agreeing, they are like this. So your flesh is always wanting to do the things of the flesh. Well, your spirit wants you to do the things of the spirit. Now you have the choice to either say, okay, I'm going to spend 10 hours on Instagram, or I'm going to spend out of that 10 hours, I'll do maybe five hours of prayer, or even listen, split that five hours, listen to sermons, pray, you know, study the word, have healthy conversations with people, discuss, you know, and then you can still have create time for for Instagram, maybe two like a few minutes or one hour max. But when you not spend your whole day on things that don't profit the spirit, of course, the one you feed the most. Somebody gave an example of okay, let's say now as you are, you eat only once every Sunday. Throughout the week, you don't eat, and you eat on Sunday just once. How would you look? Your physical body, how would you look? So, and that's what a lot of us do to our spirit man. So, you can imagine how a lot of people's spirit man, spirit man, how they eat. But most people just it's just Sunday when they go to church, they read their Bible. Some people don't even read the Bible, they just hear the pastor preaching it. That's all the spiritual food they are getting for that week. But our spirit man needs that spiritual nourishment, which is the word of God, so that it can grow and become the giant that God intended it to be, so that we can, you know, accurately discern what the spirit of God is even saying to us. Because God, you know, the Holy Spirit will speak to us through our spirits so that we can actually accurately discern and hear. And another thing that also helps is speaking in tongues, say that speaking in tongues is like you know, charging, like when you're charging your battery is low, your phone is low. So when you speak in tongues, that's like you know, firing up, charging your spirit, man. And then the word of God is the food. So you're speaking in tongues, you're eating eating, like you're reading the word. Your spirit will always be alert and active, and you keep experiencing growth. So there's a way you can you know wire your day in in this in a create as it creates your atmosphere and be intentional about the atmosphere, like having that consciousness of that, um creating your atmosphere to feed your spirit, let me put it that way, and also walking in the consciousness that the Holy Spirit is always with you. That consciousness is so powerful. Like a lot of people just go around like the but when you have that consciousness that the Holy Spirit, the life-giving spirit of God, is inside of me. Hey God. You know, I pray for that every day, like Holy Spirit, please just help me to walk in the consciousness that you are with me every day, that you are with me every day, that I'm not going to figure out this day by myself in my own power, but by the help of the Holy Spirit and just leaning in to you know to receive to for his promptings, to know what he's saying, what he will have you do. It's it's so powerful. Very amen. God help us. We could spend all day talking about this, but um, before we quickly move into career and transitioning, I want us talk about that. Um, I want to ask you, was your second pregnancy better than the first? Like in terms of mindset, you know how you yes, like did you have did you go into that with a different mindset? Um, were you more grateful? I'm interested in learning that, learning about that. Even funny enough, even for the pregnancy itself, the second one was was let me say easier for lack of another word. Because for my first one, I I threw up a lot, but for the second one, I think I only threw up once throughout the pregnancy. So my god, I'm grateful. So, yeah, it was easier. And then even when the baby came, like it was it was a different experience, to be honest, because you know, I'd learnt from the you know, the first one is usually a shocker what is going on here, but the second one, you have some form of experience, so you're just like okay. So the way you you would respond, you already have some form of experience, and children are also different, to be honest. Like, my second baby sleeps very well. Meanwhile, the first one, oh, he showed me his sleeping was not so good, but the second one sleeps very well, so it's also a new experience. But that my mindset was, of course, different coming into the second one. I had a different mindset, and that really helped. And I realized that some things I couldn't do, like maybe two weeks after delivering my first one. My first week on the second one, I was doing it already. I'm like, ah, is this me? So, yes. So, that's that's a testimony for someone, it gets easier, it gets better. So, don't be afraid to have baby number two. Yes, um, so very quickly, um, you have a very interesting career. So, you are a trained dietitian and nutritionist, and I know that um you've also transitioned into drama ministry, you know, and been a uh a talk show host, and you're very, very, very involved in the social media space, you know. So, I just wanted to talk about that, maybe for maybe any mom out there who feels left behind. Maybe she just had a baby and she's feeling like um, you know, all my mates have gone, they're all doing you know these things, and me, I'm here taking care of this child. First of all, maybe addressing that, like it's it's an assignment from God, so you're not wasting your time taking care of a child that God has given you, and also just um, I'm sure she'll be able to benefit from your story, just sit learning, I guess, how your career has even blossomed more, even after getting married, you know, and having children. If you can just walk us through that journey. I have always been very passionate about nutrition and dietetics. Um, I even initially wanted to, you know, I I still plan to go as far as you know, PhD level and all that, to be honest. So, but before marriage, like I was already aiming for that and also when marriage, you know, came into view, I honestly don't know I was gonna have anything to do with drama ministry. You know, growing up in church, so I was just I'd already, you know, when you're younger, you say, Oh, I don't want to marry a pastor. Well, at that point, you know, in my teenage youth, yeah, I'd already, you know, just surrender to God and say, God, if you say pastor, you give me, that's fine. After all, I grew up in that, you know, in that space. So it would just be no ideal and normal for me to just you know continue in that path. So my mind was already in that line. So by the time uh drama ministry vision was coming in, I was like, when God said you have something to do with drama, drama. What so okay, maybe it's still be in line with church and you know, pastoral this thing. But you know, that's the thing. When you're working with God, he may not reveal everything to you at once, but in your yielding and in your obedience, he makes it clearer, it gets clearer. Your own is just to yield and to you know obey God. So as I was so even um the year when I met my husband, I just finished, you know, my master's and I was praying. I had the option of maybe staying back in the UK to you know further my studies and pursue my career path. But I took some time to pray and say, God, okay, what would you have me do? And I mean, I got the need to come back to Nigeria and you know do my internship. So I'm like, okay, so maybe after my internship I'll go back and continue. That was my whole plan. But in the process of doing my internship, I met my husband and everything just you know changed. You know, the conviction was so it was so real and it was so heavy that I couldn't, you know. And I like I said, I'm a you dead vessel. God is saying it. Let's go. Who am I? What do I know about what is ahead that I'm now struggling with God? No. And it's like, you know, God, I surrendered. If this is what you want me to do, find I'll go into it. And you know, as I got married, other things were folded. Like, I didn't know I was going to be doing a talk show, you know, online. I'm not a social media. I growing up, I I always say this funny story. I did you know I joined Instagram? I the reason the main reason I joined Instagram is so that when I when I get married and I have children, my my children will not laugh at me and say, Mommy, what were you doing? Were your mates were joining social media? That was my reason. And then my account was even private. Yes, I remember for the longest time. Sorry to interrupt, like, you didn't have any posts, like nothing. Yes. When I even started posting, my my account was private. It was after I got married, I think it was the next day. My husband said, You you have to on private, you have to remove it from private. I'm like, why? And then you know it's like that mindset. They saw you know social media as a different, you know, and it made me understand it from a new perspective. And I'm like, oh, that's true. Like, you know, social media is just an avenue to preach Christ, to reach out to the world. Me, I was thinking social media is just for fun, like just you know, share, have you know, socialize, but they will come the mindset of evangelism. So I'm like, okay, that's true. So that was how my you know, and then truth talk my with my sisters. I I never saw all that. Like I said, once you obey once everything, other things starts unfolding, and you still have a choice to be honest. God will not force you to do certain things. So I remember when they came to me, they're like, Oh, that they want me to join truth talk. I say, Okay, I'll go and pray about it. But anyway, I was still going to join anyway. So I prayed, and of course, I I joined, and we're doing what we're doing today. Glory be to God.

SPEAKER_02 36:44

Thank God.

SPEAKER_01 36:45

So, and then so my career was there. So, in all that, I was also still trying to figure out okay, so there's this career that I have passion for, there's this, there's that. So, trying to figure everything out, it's it can it can be a lot to be honest, but then that's why there's people you have to surround yourself with people that can give you wise counsel and also just trust in the leading of you know the Holy Spirit, what would God have you do? Because there are certain seasons in your life you might have to drop some things to focus on certain things. I'll give an example. We we interviewed um one of our mommies, mommy Jaren, on True Talk, and she you know, she spoke about she's a doctor of education, she was at the peak of her career. She was, you know, she likes she was she had dreams, and at some point, God told her to leave her career to focus on her children. Like, what? So she said it was hard, but she yielded. And today she's very grateful to God that she did that because she doesn't know what else her children would have ended up, how they should have they would have ended up if she didn't. I mean, God would have probably still found a way to take care of them because they are his children, but she yielded and she's grateful that she yielded. And I asked her a question, I'm like, so did you feel left out? Do you feel like some of your other mates left you behind, you know, when you gave up your career to take care of your children? And she said, No, that's she like the fact that God led her to do this, she trusted him 100%. And God is a God of times and seasons. The fact that he told her to leave it now doesn't mean he will not tell her to pick it up again. And she was even saying she was already getting this nudging that she'll soon need to pick up her career. And she even said things like there are some people that were on that same journey with her, and some years down the line they they died. They had passed on, some people, you know, maybe they got fired. Different things happened. So, you to be honest, we don't know the future, only God knows the future. And if He's giving if He's leading you, or if you feel like okay, this season, I want to just take a break, focus on this assignment. Excuse me. I want to focus on this other assignment. Let's say, for example, motherhood. You know that these children are gifts from God, they're investing that God wants you to pour into them to invest God is not God doesn't God doesn't owe people is a rewards, so even in because there are his children, you may think they are yours, but they are ultimately God's children, and you being diligent in your assignment as a parent also has its own rewards, so you know, understanding the different seasons and phase you are, and not even like sometimes God has moved and said, This is where I want you to be. Are you you're still holding on to no, I must do this. I want I was telling some people that they say that oh, as a marriage or as a mother, you shouldn't lose yourself. This I'm like sometimes you may need to lose the idea of who you think you are for who God wants you to be. I was going to ask you about that because I've heard it a lot, and I feel like I even still hold on to some part of that statement, like never lose yourself, never lose yourself. I feel like recently the Holy Spirit has been let's let's unpack that very let's um let's unpack that. What does that mean? Um I feel sometimes because we have you know our what we think, how we want to, our what success, how we define success, how we order our life, how we want our life to be. And God is just looking at us and say, Yeah. If only you knew. Because we need to understand God created each and every one of us, and He has a purpose, He has a plan, He has a calling for your life, and you need to be able to surrender all and say, Okay, God, see, here I am. You know, the Bible says, This life that I now live is no longer mine, but Christ that lives in me. So, God, if I'm living for you, how do you want me to live for you? How do I bring glory to your name? How do I so sometimes, like I said, you may need to lose the idea of who you think you should be or who you are, to pick up who God wants you to be. So I'm not saying lose yourself and just become a shadow of yourself. No, to for who, for who God wants you to be. You may think, oh, I'm supposed to be, you know, I'm supposed to be um maybe a pastor in ministry. And God is like, I'm calling you to the marketplace. Yes, and somebody else is that thinks, oh, I'm supposed to be in the marketplace. I'm gonna say, No, I'm calling you into the whole ministry. So you need to that's why you need to sit with God. What I'll say you should not lose is your fellowship with God, your intimacy. Don't lose that. If you're always in tune with God, then you won't lose, you won't lose, you won't lose out on what you think you're losing out on. So don't lose your intimacy, don't lose your your fellowship. Your keep growing, don't become stunted, stunted in your spiritual goals. Keep growing, keep feeding your spirit, keep nourishing yourself, even knowledge-wise, keep acquiring knowledge, but then let it be in line with the will of God, with what God is calling you to be, what God would have you do. And God has different assignments for you in different seasons and phases. So you need to be constantly in tune and saying, God, check it with God, God, am I what is this what you'd have me do now? And sometimes some of the instructions or directions can be hard. It is hard sometimes. Doing the will of God a lot of times can be hard. I mean, I always give the example of Jesus. Lord, if it's possible, take this cup away from me. Take it away. But not my will, oh Lord, but your will. Let your will be done. So we need to come to that point where we are like, okay, it is not about me. I'm not living my life for me, but I'm living for God. I'm living for the glory of God. Lord, let your glory be revealed in me. For example, the story of Daniel. Daniel, when he was going to the, he knew that he was going to end up in the in the den of lions because he will not keep that. But he would have prayed, Lord, kill those lions before I get there. He could have prayed, Lord, kill those lions. But he was just doing his own and let God to take the glory. God knows how he wanted to take the glory. He knew it is by shutting the mouth of the lion and not by killing them. He knew that what I will shut their mouth and you know I will take the glory. So the glory was not evil to Daniel, because Daniel, what how can he shut him out of lion? But if if they were dead, maybe they will say he stabbed them or he had a poison or something. So, but the glory went to God. So we should come to the point where like, God, take how what how you want to take the glory in my life, how you want my life to bring glory to you. Please, Lord, I'm surrendered and I'm yielded to you. That's a very important prayer. That's a very important prayer. God will continue to help us. It's it's it's not easy because you you said something about seasons ending and having different assignments in different seasons. Like, how do you discern, or how do you know that a particular season has ended and it's time to move on to something else? Like how Mama Jarrett, you know, was able to discern that okay, enough of your career and then focus on your children for someone who doesn't know. I think there'll be signs you would know. I think you'll be the best person to know, to be honest. Like you maybe when you start realizing that um this thing you're using more strength, like it's not as as seamless as it used to be. And God would send word, God does not just leave us going out by ourselves, it's not wicked. it would have it would be it would have been giving you hints it would have been telling you through people around you or even yourself you would know that this season it's it's it's rounding up just like you know normal weather seasons you can tell that there are things that you would see that okay this season rain is about to it's about to we're about to enter winter thing so yeah I feel you would know to be honest you would know yourself because you know yourself and how God works with you best and you know how you have bloomed and flourished in a certain assignment and then when you know that okay something else is probably dropping God is giving you the new like now recently God has been dropping something in my mind I'm like like I never wait never thought I would ever do this why and I'm just so I'm just like you know what God I I'll just one step at a time as you're revealing it I'll be moving I'm not even going to just stress myself I'm just going to yield but yeah it's yes it takes it takes the grace of God sometimes it's not easy. Yeah but God gives strength that's what I've noticed and he gives capacity and he makes provision as well so the for the assignment and the calling he has given you I think it was yesterday me and my sister in law were talking and we talk about you know when God sent um Abraham to kill his son he had already made provision at that mountain that he sent us so imagine if Abraham had gone to a different mountain the provision was in another mountain I've never seen that story that way. So even in our yielding you need to obey to the letter like be obeyed specific when God has given the specific instructions you need to obey because there is provision that he has made available for that instruction he has given you for that aside now preaching to me preaching to this word is for me I receive it wow wow okay God will help us God will help us uh we're wrapping up very soon um there's this question that just randomly dropped in my spirit I want to ask you do you think you can have it all as a woman like can you because you're a Christian actress you are drama ministry there's this new assignment God has given you you're a dietitian and a nutritionist your mom your wife like you're doing a lot of things you wear several hats myself as well you know wear many hats like is it possible to do to do it all I don't know if that makes sense and I know that in doing that obviously there's there are several layers to it right now you are doing this podcast but there's someone who is you know watching over your kids and all of that you know so just different layers in but do you think it's possible to so when you say do it all can you give more context to what was saying okay so so maybe maybe do it all is not the best way to put it but is it possible to still um be able to I guess achieve all your dreams in accordance with the will of God so if God has said do this do this do this is it possible to juggle everything together you know and do everything together um if that's that is how God is leading you or yeah I believe so because God does not you know like I said God does not give you an assignment or send you an assignment and doesn't you know enable you to do it. If he has said told you to do something that he knows you are able you are wired to be able to do it. That's why he's telling you to do that and he will supply the strength of them but then that's where wisdom also comes in where you have to put in systems and structures in place of you know putting yeah systems so like now like that's what I was getting at you get like now I'm doing this podcast but there's somebody that is you know helping with my my uh my children so you need to have you know put in place systems so and what system and structure also doesn't help you to stay consistent and it helps you not to burn out easily every time because you're only one person to be honest you can't do everything at the same time and that also goes back to the point of understanding the phase and season because there's some visions that you have but God is like it's not yet time. When it is time you will launch it you go out you know you go along right now focus on this one focus on this one get this one done then now move to the next one so that's how sometimes there's some things or some assignments or some visions God will give us but we we are not meant to run with it now like my mother in law would you know always say there's a vision like which which one is that but she was talking about some things she wanted to do earlier in marriage but God is like just be patient focus on this drama ministry first when the time for that one comes it will blow it to blossom and she's you know doing other things now so you also need to you know that's where wisdom comes in as well to know and identify what he has what you are supposed to do in different cities but yeah if God is leading you to do certain things if you have the capacity to you can do it. So what I'm hearing is wisdom structure and systems you know just having those things in place so you're not being on your own spirit knowing that you're not doing it your own strength rely on like God you've done to do this thing because your body your flesh at times like I don't want to I can't do this yeah but knowing that the life giving spirit the spirit of God is the side of you it's enabling and strengthening you so you can do it Bible says I can do other things through Christ that strengthens me. So lean on that strength fantastic I feel like saying hallelujah glory to God thank you so much Tolu so usually before we wrap up I always ask the guests what advice do you have for Christian girls who are watching you know or listening to this episode but today I'm going to switch it up a little and just ask what advice do you have for um for moms or for Christian girls who are not moms sorry for Christian girls who are afraid to take on the role of motherhood or marriage you know just because they are scared of losing I know we've we've said a lot around that but maybe just one specific advice you need them to focus on. So I'll say fear is not of God so the fact that you're afraid of you know taking this next step that is that if especially if God is requiring it of you if you've already figured out that God said that this is not you then of course you wouldn't have fear you'd just be working confidently in your calling so but if you are making your decision based on fear fear is not of God. So you first need to take out that fear what are you focusing on what does the word of God say go back to the word of God what does the word of God say about marriage about you know motherhood how to strengthen your work with God because it is from that place that you draw strength. That is where you get you know direction led you know by the spirit of God to know what to do per time so don't allow fear because once you allow fear to rule you you will you will just live you will you will you will not live a fulfilling life a purposeful life to be honest because there are a lot of things that you need to do that you may not even be confident in doing it. But the fact that you need to you know you need to do this you go out there and when you're doing it you're like oh okay actually it's not that bad after that but fear would cripple you from working in purpose so don't allow that fear to cripple you rather focus on the good there are a lot of good testimonies out there. Look at the positives look at the good testimonies look listen to the good things people are saying about the phase this phase of life of marriage and motherhood yes it requires work but you need to go in with that determination that I'm going to put in the work I'm going to make this thing work. I have the strength of the Holy Spirit to help me to make this thing work rather than running away from it. Amen I like how after every after every advice or sentence you just back it up with I pray God will help us in Jesus' name because you know that it's only by the help of God it's only by the help of God thank you so much to Lu for coming on the show today thank you so much we had such wholesome conversation and I'm sure that you know ladies who are listening to this and even some men will benefit greatly and this episode will bless them greatly thank you so much. Thank you so much for having me it's been you know a fun and very you know enriching conversation thank you so much for having me