Episode 3 - Demolishing Self-Doubt

What deeply rooted belief or perception about yourself have you been struggling to overcome, and how has that been holding you back from achieving your true potential?

In this episode of "Life After Fear," host Courtney Schoch discusses overcoming self-doubt by identifying and challenging self-limiting beliefs. She explains how these distortions of reality affect self-worth and potential, urging listeners to confront them without judgment. The script shares personal anecdotes, such as Courtney's marathon journey, emphasizing the importance of self-reflection, setting small goals, and practicing gratitude. Additionally, it addresses topics like Imposter Syndrome, building lasting self-confidence, and the need for positive self-talk and support networks. The episode concludes with recommended reading to further combat self-doubt and encourage ongoing personal growth and self-belief.

Learn more about Courtney Schoch

Show Notes

Demolishing Self-Doubt

In this episode of 'Life After Fear,' host Courtney Schoch opens up about overcoming self-doubt and breaking down self-limiting beliefs. Through personal anecdotes, she shares strategies for identifying and challenging negative perceptions, fostering self-confidence, and redefining personal identity. Courtney emphasizes celebrating achievements, practicing self-compassion, and cultivating a positive mindset by surrounding oneself with supportive individuals and engaging in self-reflection. The episode encourages listeners to persist in their goals despite doubts, highlighting the importance of positive self-talk and continuous action. Courtney recommends books to further aid in building self-confidence and invites engagement from her audience for future discussions.

Mentions:

Schwartz, David J. The Magic of Thinking Big. Fireside, 1987.

Dweck, Carol S. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House, 2006. 

Harris, Russ. The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt. Shambhala, 2014.

The quote "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right" is attributed to Henry Ford.

The quote "Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will" is attributed to Suzy Kassem. 

Learn more about your host Courtney Schoch

Transcript

Courtney: Hello everyone. Welcome to episode number three of Life After Fear, Redefine Your Limits, Demolishing the Walls of Self Doubt. That's what we're going to be talking about today with your host, me, Courtney Schoch. Our goal is to break down the barriers of self-doubt that have held us back for far too long.

Many times, we question our abilities, our worthiness, and our place in the world.  During these moments, we encounter self-limiting beliefs, which are those nagging thoughts telling us we can't, shouldn't, or are not good enough. But what if we could recognize these beliefs for what they truly are, which are distortions of reality?

By identifying and challenging these misconceptions, we break free from their grip and pave the way for a brighter and more confident future. Let's first identify some self-limiting beliefs. Those are the thoughts and feelings that undermine our self-worth and our potential. They often start quietly, they sneak up on you, like whispers, ninjas of self-doubt.

But then they grow into big monsters like Godzilla if they're left unchecked. Common self-limiting beliefs include thoughts like I'm not smart enough. I'm not good enough. I don't deserve happiness Does any of this sound familiar? It does for me. I had this constant loop going in my head for years and years, and I still have it, and I have to mindfully stop those disempowering questions. It's crucial to bring these beliefs to light and acknowledge their presence without judgment. 

The next step is going to be to challenge these beliefs.

Understand that they're not facts, but they're just perceptions that our past experiences and fears have shaped. Everyone has them. That's why people have different opinions on things in life. You think something is really important, and someone else doesn't think it's as important.

That's because everybody has experiences. Everyone has their own rule set of what life looks like, and that's okay, but you need to understand what yours are and understand that those past experiences and fears shape who you are today. So you can either use that to empower yourself or disempower yourself.

When you think the next time, I can't do this, take a pause and ask yourself, why can't I do this? Why not? Break down the belief and examine the evidence or the lack of supporting evidence. Often you'll find that these beliefs are based on assumptions rather than reality. 

For instance, when I decided I wanted to run a marathon, I had never really run in my life. I was in my forties. And I was curvy. I am not a teeny, tiny, small girl. I always thought that runners weighed a hundred pounds, and they'd been doing this since they were in eighth grade or third grade. Never in a million years did I think that I could run a marathon when I was in my forties, much less several marathons.

However, I changed my belief, and I thought, why not? Why could I not do this? Why don't I give it a try?  I set the course and ended up training and doing all the hard work, and I was able to run it and complete the marathon. However, I wasn't the fastest runner, and my intent was not to win the marathon. It was to complete the marathon. Instead of saying to myself, I can never do this, or I can't do this, I just had to pause and shift my focus and shift my questions just a little bit. In order to put me in the right headspace to take the steps to go in the direction that I wanted to go. And you can do this with pretty much anything in your life.

We have to have something in our mind, and then we have to somewhat draw like a map or at least know what it is that we want to do and why we want to do it. Don't let those questions of self-doubt sabotage your efforts to be more or do more than you thought possible.

And that brings us to our self-identity, right? Reframing your identity, like self-doubt, often stems from a limiting self-image, and we need to challenge those old beliefs, just like we do the questions. In combination with challenging negative self-talk, we also need to get honest with ourselves and ask, who do I want to be?

Who do I want to become? And be honest with where you are right now, don't make it better. Don't make it worse than what it is, but be really honest about where you are at your place in life. I went through this the last couple of years. I definitely have had some serious challenges; there's been some death, just a lot of change. I had lost my focus, and thought, where am I right now? Who am I right now? And I thought I'm not exactly who it is that I want to be,? Who I wanted to be and who I am is someone who's consistent. I'm someone who is curious about everything in the world. I'm someone who wants to go out, and I want to make people feel awesome, reach their potential, and do incredible things, no matter if they're big things or small things. Or just the slightest shift that makes all the difference in the world to them; I want to be a great partner, I want to be a great parent, and I want to be a really awesome human. There are so many things that I could get more specific, but that's not why we're here today. But then I just thought, wow, I'm really not hitting the mark on where it is that I want to be at all in terms of just as a person. And that was painful. It took some self-searching and mindfulness to get me back on the right path because I resisted it for a while, and I kept justifying my lack of action.I was becoming a person I didn't even recognize anymore. So I had to get myself back on track, but I had to start with that first question of who I want to become and really who I am at my core. I needed to start embracing that identity through my actions.

That's what I would highly encourage you to do is ask yourself that question. Who do you want to become? Who are you? And align your actions with that identity. Many of us have heard of Imposter Syndrome, right? It's another barrier that so many people face. It's the sense that we've only succeeded due to luck, and eventually, we'll be exposed as a fraud. Even accomplished professionals and well-known figures are not immune to these feelings of inadequacy. In order to combat the syndrome, it's really important to start celebrating our achievements, no matter how small they are, because we actually are the ones putting in the work. Yes, I know many of you are going to disagree and say some people just have great luck. Some people just won the lottery or some people, fill in the blank and perhaps there's a small truth to that. But if you have that belief that you're not lucky, or somebody else is lucky, and that's why they're making it in life, and you're not, that really is a scarcity mindset.

It's important to acknowledge that you have to do hard work to get to where you're going. And those other people that experience quote unquote luck, it might've been great timing. It might've been, I don't know, maybe a family member left them a large inheritance or who knows, but I can guarantee you one thing, they are struggling with stuff in their life.

We are human beings. It's part of the experience. We struggle. And that is what actually makes it beautiful it's being able to get through that struggle and it's about who you become on the other side of it. So I would ask you to really acknowledge your hard work and take time to celebrate it and don't think that you're a fraud. If you're doing the work, you're doing the work, and that makes you awesome. That makes you a friggin superstar. So own that and give yourself a pat on the back and also surround yourself with people that pat you on the back too. And you pat them on the back. You’ve to give as well and surround yourself with friends who don't constantly encourage self-doubt and insecurity.

 Courtney: I know people out there and I've definitely hung around people too long that have those feelings. I want people in my life that are proud of what I'm doing. They may not agree with what I'm doing, but they sure as heck are there to support me.

And I think that's important in who you surround yourself with because, remember, you are who you surround yourself with. So choose wisely. Another thing that is very important is self-reflection. Regularly take stock of your accomplishments and also give credit where credit's due. And this goes back to self-reflection in terms of who you want to become.

Be honest with yourself. Where are you, and where do you want to go? Take some steps to get yourself moving in that direction. You have got to have some self-confidence; you have to in this world. You don't have to be arrogant, but you have to be confident in yourself and believe in yourself.

There is some truth to the fake it till you make it because your body language is part of the package in terms of your self-confidence, the self-talk in your brain, what you do, and the confidence that others instill in you. So we need to build confidence that lasts. That's a consistent effort, and it also takes some self-compassion.

One way you can do it is to start by setting a small achievable goal that gradually works into a larger one. Celebrate your progress along the way, and do not be discouraged by setbacks. They're a natural part of growth. Challenges are great opportunities for growth. It doesn't have to be that everything sucks, and that's it. It's not going to work out. I do it, and I have to catch myself, or somebody else has to call me out on it. Even with this podcast, I thought I was not going to have any listeners. I'm not really sure what I'm doing. This is really hard. I'm challenged with some of the audio, like the editing and, just social media, various things.  Sometimes, my self-confidence took a hit, and I was like, Oh, just forget it. I'm not going to do this. Then I had to step back and say okay. These setbacks that I'm experiencing are opportunities to grow.

I can learn some stuff. And it doesn't matter if I have one listener or a million listeners, I am doing this because I want to put good back out into the world. I want to encourage even just one person. So, I have to keep my eye on the ball. I would encourage you to do that, too, as you're setting your goals. 

Doing those small steps to work up to the larger goal because it's going to create self-confidence. Developing a positive internal dialogue is essential. This goes back to replacing those negative thoughts instead of saying I can't do this try I'm awesome. I can do this. I may not know how to do it now, but I will know how to do it. 

Sometimes, I think about the way that we talk to ourselves in our minds. Would we talk to our friends like that? Would we say, wow, you really suck? You look like garbage today. Why are you doing this? You have no business doing what you're doing. You're so dumb.

Would we really say that to people on a consistent basis like we say it to ourselves? I'm going to guess that the answer is no. Maybe for some people, the answer is yes. But I'm going to guess that we would be a little bit softer in our delivery of speaking to someone.

So why don't we be a little softer speaking to ourselves and be a little bit more encouraging? I think that's really important and practicing gratitude with what you have. Not focusing on what you don't have, but what you have. It comes back to the thought that there's always what's wrong and what's right.

You have both in life at any moment. So you get to choose which one you're going to focus on. Personally, I think choosing what's right makes you feel better and gets you further faster. When you focus on what's wrong, sometimes it's easier to focus on what's wrong because that's just what our mind does naturally.

But let's take a moment and really focus on the right things in our lives. And then, folks, we got to have time for fun, right? We have to have time for things that are just enjoyable for us. Do you like to go for a walk? Do you like to color? Do you like to build things? Do you like to run? Do you like to fill in the blank, whatever it is that you like to do?

It's really important to make time for those types of activities. Rather it's a sport, a hobby, something creative, doing things that makes you happy, boost your self confidence and your overall wellbeing. Remember that self- confidence isn't about feeling doubt, but it's about forging ahead despite the doubts.

It’s important to remember that we just keep moving forward, putting one foot in front of the other. I go back to the marathon. It was a metaphor for life. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other to get me to the finish line to get me to where it was that I wanted to go.

It wasn't easy. There was a lot of pain, there were times I was hungry, I had some self-doubt, I had some good miles, I had some awful miles, and all the feels, everything from I'm gonna quit to this is friggin amazing, that is part of how life is. But you know what, you get to experience it, and what's life without experiencing all of the feelings? That's a beautiful thing.

It's important to demolish the walls of self-doubt because life is a continuous journey. It's important that you continue to strengthen your self-talk in order to unlock your true potential and create an unwavering belief. Surround ourselves with role models, people who are empowering.

It's important to use positive self-talk and positive affirmations. Talk about the things that you want, that you love with someone that's trusted, that makes it easier. Listen and read positive books, podcasts, and media. All of these things are awesome and it ends up helping you feel more self-confident. You are deciding to take a path that's more empowering to you and taking action. It's important that we continue. to take action because action creates confidence and motivation. Sitting there thinking about doing something and not doing it is going to cause you to feel like garbage.

Someone mentioned to me once about exercising and having excuses not to exercise, and they said if you can't find 20 minutes a day to exercise, that's 2% of the day. 20 minutes is 2%. So rather you use that 20 minutes to exercise, meditate, do something creative, volunteer, make a phone call, whatever it is, just think about that.

It's 2% of your day. Think of all that other time that you have. Now maybe put down social media for 20 minutes or 10 minutes and just do something. It'll make you feel incredible. 

 I'm going to leave you with two quotes that I think are fairly powerful. One is from Henry Ford. He says, "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." The other quote is, "Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will."  by Susie Kasem. Both of them emphasize how self doubt can be the greatest obstacle standing in our way. But I have confidence in you. You are not going to let self-doubt stand in your way. If you do, then you're going to catch yourself, and you're going to make a course correction, and you're going to get back on the path.

Remember, you have everything you need to achieve greatness. You just have to believe in yourself. Stay focused, take action. Nobody else will, you're the one who's doing the hard work. And if you ever need some support, please make sure that you come back to this podcast or look on my social media; drop me a message because we are all trying to figure it out.

We all have challenges with this stuff, and in a world where things are So filtered and layered, it just makes you feel that you can't mess up like you can't have moments where you need some support and some help, and you just feel a little lost. That's okay. Reach out. Or even reach inside yourself, you have it within yourself to do great things, not just for yourself, but for other people, because that's important to put some good out into the world.

I hope this episode has helped you identify some ways that you may be enabling self-doubt. There are three books that I think are very powerful. The first one is the magic of thinking by David Schwartz. It helps cultivate a big-thinking mindset.

It helps banish some of the self-limiting beliefs and develops confidence. Those are all the things that we've been talking about today. There is another book called Mindset, The New Psychology of Success. That's by Carol Dweick. That's more scientific, and it explores the difference between a fixed mindset versus a growth mindset.

The last one is The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris. This book provides more of a practical framework for building self-confidence. It helps guide readers in identifying the challenging beliefs and thoughts that they're experiencing that are fueling the self-doubt. All three books are incredible. They have great insights and strategies and offer a lot of inspiration. So if you have time and you want to check it out, go get those books and let me know what you think. 

It's been great, everyone. I hope that this has helped out, and I am looking forward to next week's episode, which is episode number four. We're going to be tapping into your limitless potential. If you don't want to miss an episode, please make sure that you subscribe to the podcast, also rate and leave a review. Those reviews make a big difference, and I greatly appreciate it.

If you have any suggestions or comments or just want to share an experience, feel free to reach out. You can leave a comment or send an email to the podcast. I'd love to hear from you. Thank you again for listening. Until next week, keep reaching for the sky and never settle for less than what you can be.

Take care, everyone.