Episode 8 - The Three Consequences of Your Fear of Failure

In episode eight of 'Life After Fear, Redefine Your Limits,' Courtney Schoch discusses the three consequences of allowing the fear of failure to dictate one's life. She shares her story of staying in an unsatisfying job due to fear and how she eventually overcame this by embracing change. Courtney utilizes the metaphor from 'Who Moved My Cheese' to illustrate the importance of adapting to change and not letting fear hinder progress. She emphasizes that avoiding risks can damage self-esteem, prevent growth, and lead to procrastination. The episode also offers practical strategies such as asking better questions, taking small steps outside of one's comfort zone, and focusing on past successes to reframe one's relationship with failure. Finally, Schoch encourages viewers to take immediate action to surpass their plateaus and prepares them for the next episode topic: toxic relationships.

MENTIONS

Who Moved My Cheese - Spencer Johnson

Bruce Lee: "There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there. You must go beyond them".

Learn more about your host Courtney Schoch

Transcript

Courtney: Hello, everyone. I'm Courtney Schoch, and thank you for joining me for episode eight of Life After Fear: Redefining Your Limits. This is where you confront your fears and transform your life. In this episode, we are going to discuss the three consequences that happen when you allow fear and failure to dictate your life.

If you knew that you absolutely could not fail, what significant new opportunity or challenge would you pursue right now? That might seem like a hard question, but it's a really important question to ask yourself. Many of us don't ask ourselves that question because it's too painful to think about our own expectations that we're not living up to.

A few years ago, I got serious about this question. I got really uncomfortable and realized that I needed to make some changes. I was working at an airline, that I really wasn't happy with. I had outgrown the airline and I wanted to do something different. I definitely had the qualifications.

I knew that I could make more money at another airline. I knew that there was a better peer group for me. I knew that the quality of life would be much better, but yet I stayed with that company for over a decade and finally one day I realized that the reason why I wasn't moving forward was because I was afraid of failing.

What if I went to this new airline and maybe I didn't get along with other pilots, or the company wasn't for me, or I mean, God forbid, I failed out of training? Or, I don't know. I just couldn't cut it. Although I was still flying an airplane. I was cutting it every single day, doing pretty much exactly what I would be doing at another airline.

I was just afraid of failing. It wasn't even a rational thought, but I allowed it to keep me down. Once again, making less money. Quality of life was terrible. I was commuting a long distance, and I was just afraid to make the change. It was slowly destroying me. I was allowing it to do that, but I made the change.

I took the leap about three years ago. And boy, I should have made that change much sooner. Do you remember the book or who knows of the book Who Moved My Cheese by Spencer Johnson? Well, it's about. Two little mice and two small people, Sniff and Scurry, are the mice, and Hem and Haw, are the people.

They all live in a maze, and they are all on a hunt for cheese. And when their cheese supply changes, each character reacts in their own way, which leads to different outcomes. Hem and Haw strike gold when they find a huge stash of cheese, and they settle into a comfortable routine around it. On the other hand, Sniff and Scurry, the two little mice, are always on the lookout.

They're adapting to the challenge of finding the availability of cheese because it's always changing. But then one day, the cheese suddenly disappears. And Hem and Haw, those are the little people, are crushed by their loss and they hold on to their past feelings of feeling scared about the future. But the differences that Sniff and Scurry, they quickly pivot and they explore new paths.

They make a new path and they find fresh cheese. Haw, one of the small people eventually decides to embrace the changes and and reconnects with this sense of adventure. But Hem remains stuck in his denial. He's unwilling to let go. Do you see what the central theme here is? It's the importance of adapting to change.

So, your survival depends on your ability to navigate a constantly changing maze. The cheese is a metaphor for our goals in life, which can range from happiness to career success. It's dependent upon you, but you have to be able to adapt to change and not be afraid of the fear of failure or, at the very least, have a better relationship with it.

I stayed in that safe bubble of that other airline for far too long. Despite the fact that I was not moving or growing or adapting, I had become complacent and one of the consequences of being complacent and being afraid of failure is that it's connected to your self-worth and your self-esteem. So, isn't it interesting if you don't do something, your self-esteem takes a hit?

So why do you keep not doing the things and feeling worse about yourself, which is exactly what I did at that company. You will not reach a new level if you aren't willing to take a chance. You will not continue to grow and you know deep down inside of you that you're just afraid, but you're making all other types of excuses.

My excuse was that I was very senior in the company. I did not want my schedule to get worse because when I go to another company, I get pushed down to the bottom of seniority. But the thing is, eventually, my seniority would get better, and my schedule already sucked at the current airline.

So, there was no chance it was going to get any better. But at the new airline, there was a good, very good possibility that my schedule might not be great for a short period of time, but that it would be better than my schedule ever was at the other company. What I believe was happening is that I was holding onto something familiar despite the fact that it was toxic and it was unhealthy.

But it was familiar. The self awareness is key in order to make a change. So if I stayed in my safe bubble, despite it not being a happy place, but it felt safe and familiar, what would happen? Well, that leads to consequence number two, you will never reach a new level. If you aren't willing to take a chance, you will not continue to grow.

And the downside of that is that it's just because you're afraid. But you like to make all kinds of excuses. That's what I did, which leads us back to the excuses of being senior in my company and I wanted to keep a good schedule and on and on and on. All they were were excuses. 

And life isn't necessarily about making the right decision. It's just about making decisions, and not making a decision is a decision.

That leads to number three, avoidance and procrastination. It might appear counterintuitive to act in ways that seem to invite the outcomes we dread that we're most afraid of, but this behavior acts as a shield. It allows us to safeguard our emotions by not fully engaging in our endeavors. It might offer a temporary peace of mind or comfort, but it hinders our long-term success.

Many people find that the fear of failure can become a self-fulfilling prophecy that leads to procrastination and missed opportunities. Embracing the possibility of growth opens new doors and builds resilience, and it ultimately empowers us to pursue the dreams that truly inspire us. I can take you back to episode number seven about owning your story.

Does it empower you or destroy you? How do you define failure? Nothing has meaning until you give it meaning. So what has failure meant to you in the past, and how can you change that relationship with failure moving forward so it benefits you? Fear is a deeply ingrained response that can be rooted in our past experiences and subconscious beliefs, but that doesn't mean that you have to spend months or years revisiting or reliving those past traumas to overcome your fears.

There are more immediate and direct ways to help you move forward. At least, that's what I've found, and it has been my approach. One of the first things that I do is ask better questions. These are some of the questions that I ask myself to move past the fear of failure. 

What is the worst that can happen? And what's the best that can happen? What happens if I do nothing? And what's the exact fear that's holding me back? What am I really afraid of? And what can I say differently to myself? Sometimes I do something that scares me. Even if it's small, perhaps you can try and do the same thing. You know, take a baby step outside of your comfort zone.

Like speaking up in a meeting or trying a new hobby. Going to a new restaurant. Maybe going to a restaurant alone. Striking up a conversation with a stranger. Applying for that new job, then celebrate each time you face your fear because this builds that courage muscle. The more you practice, the more you'll realize that failure is not as scary as you think.

The key is to shift your focus from the fear to the positive vision of what you want to do and make a list of your past successes. Think back to times when you took a risk and succeeded. Write down those accomplishments, no matter how big or small. This can serve as a way to remind you that you can overcome challenges and create a consistent practice.

You'll see fear more as an opportunity than a roadblock. Focus on the present moment. And the actions you can take right now rather than getting stuck in the past. Don't live looking in the rearview mirror because it is not going to move you forward. 

I love this quote from Bruce Lee. He says, "There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there. You must go beyond them. "

So I ask you, what actions are you going to take today to move past your plateau? Only you are keeping yourself there. 

I hope this episode has helped give you a different perspective on the fear of failure. And thank you for joining me today.

Next week, we will discuss toxic relationships and letting go of negative influences. We might all be able to relate to that one. 

I'd love for you to check out all of the links and resources in the show notes. Subscribe and share. And please remember that I want you to be part of this growing community. You can follow me on social media because that is a great way to find out what fears you're facing or what fears you have faced.

We've added a link in the description page so you can text the show directly. And it allows me the ability to read what you have to say and share it with other listeners if you'd like. Once again, thanks for joining me for episode number eight. Until next week, keep reaching for the sky and never settle for less than what you can be.

Take care, everyone.