Episode 14 - Confronting Perfectionism: Embrace Progress Over Perfection

In episode 14 of 'Life After Fear: Redefine Your Limits,' Courtney explores the prevalent struggle of perfectionism. She shares her personal reflections, examines the motivations behind striving for perfection, and discusses its harmful effects, such as stress, low self-esteem, and strained relationships. Have you ever found yourself caught in the cycle of perfectionism, feeling like nothing is ever good enough? The episode encourages listeners to embrace imperfection and pursue excellence instead. It also offers practical tips for recognizing and addressing perfectionist tendencies, promoting a mindset of progress and self-compassion. How might your life change if you focused on progress instead of perfection? 

Learn more about your host Courtney Schoch

Transcript

 ​Courtney: Hello, everyone. Welcome to episode 14 of Life After Fear, Redefine Your Limits with Courtney Schoch. This is where you confront your fears and transform your life. 

I'm so glad you're here with me today. I hope everyone is having an excellent day and an excellent week. Let me ask you something. If I'm not perfect, then..., that's right, I'd like you to complete that sentence.

Ask yourself, if you're not perfect, then what? How would you complete that sentence? Take a moment to think about it. I used to complete that sentence with, then I failed. So if I'm not perfect, then I failed. That was my truth and my internal dialogue for a long time. It was simple. I just failed. Full stop.

But what about you? How do you complete that sentence? Does your answer sound something like, If I'm not perfect, then I might not be loved or accepted? Or I won't be liked, or maybe it's something else entirely. What is your fear of not being perfect and what are you afraid of? Have you ever stopped to ask yourself that question?

Perfectionism is a challenge that many of us, if not all of us, have faced at some point in our lives. We're goning to unpack perfectionism. Why do we need to chase perfection, and what does it cost us? Why don't we take a moment and explore some of the common reasons we strive for perfection?

Number one could be a fear of failure or judgment. Perfection feels like a shield for many of us. If we're perfect, we'll avoid making mistakes and being criticized, but this fear of inadequacy or shame can become somewhat of a prison. 

Another reason why we may strive for perfection. Ah, because we need to be in control. Perfection can create an illusion of security. If we can control every detail, nothing can go wrong in life, right? Um, but life isn't predictable, and striving for flawless results can add to unnecessary stress. 

Another reason could be the desire for approval. Maybe you believe that being perfect will make you worthy of love and admiration.

Just like our question at the beginning of the episode. If I'm not perfect, then dot, dot, dot, then you may not be loved. You may not be liked. You may not be admired. But the truth is, you don't have to earn worthiness. You already have it. 

Unrealistic standards. Perfectionists can set goals so high that they're unattainable. The constant feeling of trying to strive for something you can't reach leaves you feeling defeated. 

You could also be avoiding vulnerability. If you embrace imperfection, does that mean that we allow ourselves to be seen as we truly are? Our flaws and all? Oof, that's scary. But it's also where connection and growth happen.

Another reason could be a lack of self-compassion. Sometimes we can be our own worst critics. Forgiving ourselves for mistakes we make might feel impossible, but having some self-compassion is really important for growth. Now, I'm not saying don't raise your standards. You can listen to episode 13  and hear more about standards.

What I'm saying here is that oftentimes perfection and being perfect, it's setting the bar so, so high that you're setting yourself up for failure. Nothing's perfect, nothing in my opinion. And being able to embrace imperfection can make all the difference in the world.

But what if, instead of chasing perfection, we aimed for excellence?

Excellence allows us to grow, learn, and embrace progress. Unlike the exhausting pursuit of flawlessness, Excellence is sustainable and empowering.  Let's pause for a moment and reflect on your own life. Where might perfectionism be holding you back?

Are there areas you could let go of? Maybe the impossibly high standards you have set for yourself and grab hold of a mindset of progress and over perfection because the cost of perfectionism could be the following:

Time. You lose time because you're stuck in an endless cycle of revisions.

You might have low self-esteem. You might feel like you're never good enough or procrastinate. You might miss out on opportunities because the fear of failure could prevent you from taking risks and getting outside of your comfort zone. 
I know that I've fallen into that trap many, many times, and I have to be aware in order not to do any of those three, not to lose time or allow myself to have low self-esteem or to procrastinate.

In addition, relationships may suffer because perfectionists can be overly critical of themselves and others. How many of you have been criticized, and it really makes you feel bad, like you don't wanna hang around that person, and how many of you have criticized others and didn't even realize you were doing it, or later you realized that it wasn't the maybe the best thing to do, and then you fall into a cycle of guilt and then criticize yourself because you criticize somebody else and it just ends up being this constant loop.

So let's not do that to ourselves because relationships will suffer.  

You can also rob yourself of joy and celebrating your success because you might not feel like something is actually a success if you didn't reach perfection. 

In addition, your health may suffer because trying to be perfect creates a lot of stress and you might be constantly berating yourself because you cannot meet the unachievable standard because it might not exist.

Here's a practice I'd like to share with you, and I utilize this myself, not as frequently as I should, but I do. Notice the triggers that trigger your need for perfection. They might show up in some of these ways, such as major life events where making an error feels completely unacceptable, and the consequences seem enormous if you make a mistake such as, you know, buying a house or getting married, having a child, changing a job.

All of these events are stressful in themselves, but then pile on the need to be perfect as you're trying to navigate through these events, and that's not necessary. You've got enough stress trying to get through the event. 

Another trigger could be negative self-talk. You know, the type of talk when you tell yourself you're not good enough, who has done that?

Hmm. I have, for sure. Definitely. I probably just did it an hour ago. We all do it. And a tendency to please others at the expense of your own needs. Yep. Guilty of that one, too. How about comparing yourself to others and feeling like you're falling short? Yeah, I've done that. And I do do that. That is another trigger.
You want to try and be perfect, so you're not falling behind, and  others admire you. 

Mmm, how about this one? Situations where someone is judging your work or performance. I hate to break this news to you, friends. But this podcast is not perfect, and I accept that it's my level of excellence, and I'm happy to be here.
And I celebrate every week that I get this podcast out.

When you catch yourself falling into some of the patterns that I just discussed, try asking yourself these questions:

What am I telling myself about how things should be? 

Whose standards am I trying to meet? 

How would I talk to a friend in this situation?

And what's one small step I can take to make progress in the direction I want to go? 

When you ask these questions, take a deep breath, pause, reflect, and then respond with intention. Be mindful.

Be aware of the paradox of perfection, and when people say being perfect is the enemy of good, it's often used to describe how people can get caught up in making things perfect and, as a result, they never get anything done.

You don't want to fall into that category, do you? Think about the questions. I'll go over them one more time. What am I telling myself about how things should be? Whose standards am I trying to meet? How would I talk to a friend in this situation? And what's one small step I can take to make progress in the direction I want to go?

Take a deep breath, pause, reflect and then be mindful with your answer. Remember, embracing imperfection doesn't mean settling for less. It means giving yourself the freedom to grow and to thrive. Progress, not perfection, is what truly matters. And you're already on your way. 

Before we go, I want to give you a sneak peek into our next episode.

Which is the courage to be vulnerable because vulnerability is often seen as a weakness, but in reality it's a powerful tool for connection and growth. And in that episode, we'll explore why vulnerability requires courage, and how it can transform your relationships, and ways to embrace it every day. Trust me, you won't want to miss it.

Thank you, friends, for joining me today for this episode, I hope it has given you some tools to redefine your limits and approach life with a little bit more compassion for yourself. And please share it with someone who might need to hear it, follow me on social media. I'd love to hear from you and keep the conversation going, but until next time, keep reaching for the sky and never settle for less than what you can be.

Take care, everyone.