When We Die Talks

Anonymous #32 — What Do You Do With a Faith That Can't Explain the Worst Thing That Happened to You?

• Zach Ancell • Episode 53

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Note: This episode includes an open discussion of suicide and suicide loss. Please listen when you're in a good place to do so.

This week's caller has lived through a concentrated stretch of loss that would bring most people to their knees. A beloved grandmother who raised them. Another grandmother, expected but still hard. And then, in March of 2021, their husband — suddenly, traumatically, in a way that left no warning and no clean answers.

They came to this conversation not from a place of unresolved pain, but from one of hard-won peace. And they wanted to talk about how they got there.

At the center of it is a belief they've held since childhood and leaned on through every loss: that no one dies without a final chance. That in the last moments of any life, there is still an opening — for forgiveness, for grace, for something that doesn't close until it actually closes.

In this conversation:

  • Losing three significant people in three years and how each grief felt entirely different
  • What it means to find your grandmother on the floor and just know before you know
  • Surviving the death of a spouse by suicide
  • Why the caller believes their husband is in heaven and the theological reasoning that got them there
  • The difference between religion and relationship, and why that distinction mattered most when the questions got hardest
  • What it means to be a widow in your forties when you were expecting to grow old together

A few lines from the call:

  • "I didn't know up from down. I was totally crushed."
  • "He didn't commit suicide. He died by suicide."
  • "In those last twinkling moments — every single person has that one last opportunity."
  • "When it's my time, I'll be ready. And not fearful."

Book mentioned in this episode: The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein

More book recommendations from past episodes: View the full list

Video Episode: If you’d like to watch this conversation instead of just listening, you can find the video version on YouTube

Nemosené: Your Life Story
A guided audio interview to capture your story in your own words for the people you love.

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About When We Die Talks: When We Die Talks is a podcast built around anonymous conversations about death, loss, and how contemplating mortality shapes the way we live. If you’re new here, start with the Episode Guide. It’s designed to help you find conversations that match where you’re at—curiosity, grief, hesitation, or openness.

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Want to share your thoughts? Leave a voicemail at 971-328-0864 and share what you believe happens when we die. Messages may be featured in a future episode. If you’d like to have a full conversation, you can apply to be an anonymous caller at whenwedietalks.com.

A Question About Death

SPEAKER_01

feel like the person when they're on their way out their spirit on their way out they have this time where they have an opportunity like one final opportunity to accept Jesus Christ as their savior i i feel like you have that up until the very last second it all starts with a single question asked to an anonymous caller what do you think happens when we die and from there the conversation goes in completely unexpected directions some speak with certainty others with doubt some are still trying to make sense of it all I'm Zach Ansel and this is When We Die Talk a podcast about death meaning and how that shapes the way we live this podcast was born from my own fears around death and the need to talk about it.

Nimosity And Preserving Your Story

SPEAKER_01

Thank you for being a part of this conversation I'm glad you're here this episode is supported by Nimosity a project I've been building alongside this podcast. Nimosity is a simple way to tell your story in your own voice. It's a guided audio first conversation with me where we capture the parts of your life that matter to you where you came from the people who shaped you the seasons that changed you and the moments you don't want to lose. It's not therapy and it's not a performance. It's just a real conversation that becomes a private audio keeps that you can share with the people you love or keep for yourself. If you want to learn more you can find it at Nimosney.com that's N-E-M-O-S-E-N E.com Hey welcome back or welcome here if this is your first time.

Why This Call Stuck With Me

SPEAKER_01

This week we are going back to a call that was recorded a while ago and I'm glad we're finally here with this one because it's a conversation I think about a lot. This caller has been through significant loss multiple family members over a relatively short period of time and then the loss of their spouse which came in a very traumatic way and through all of it their faith has been the one thing that held them together. They're Christian deeply so and this conversation goes places that very few calls on the show have gone into religion into grief and into how those two things are almost impossible to separate from each other when you're actually living through loss. I think one of the most profound things about this topic is that the idea of what we believe happens when we die isn't just philosophy. It's comfort it's how we make sense of where the people we actually love went. And for this caller that belief is specific they believe that in the final moments of a person's life there is one last opportunity a last window to accept Jesus Christ. And that belief is what gives them peace about the people they've lost including their spouse. I do want to give a heads up that this conversation gets into the topic of suicide if you're not in the headspace for that today it's okay to save this one for another time or skip it altogether. But as this caller points out there's still so much stigma around suicide and that's exactly why these conversations matter if you're in a place where you're able to hear it I think it's one worth listening to it let's get into the call.

Losses That Changed Everything

SPEAKER_01

I hope you enjoyed it how's it going?

SPEAKER_00

Hi it's going good.

SPEAKER_01

Awesome are you excited for this? Yeah I actually am good good I know that you had mentioned earlier that you're a little nervous and hopefully this is just a fun conversation. I know it's a little bit of a weird ask to put out to the world and so kind of before we get into the big conversation I do have a couple little questions I'll ask you before maybe just briefly you could let me know why you even wanted to do this conversation.

SPEAKER_00

Well I have experienced multiple losses probably within the last six years of significant family members and a spouse and I feel like each one of them brought on a different form of grief for me. And then with my faith you know I I I just want to kind of tie it in all together because I actually am at peace now with all the loss and I just wanted to talk about it and also curious to see what this was all about on your behalf.

SPEAKER_01

Awesome. Well I love that and I love that that you have found peace and obviously like I said now I'm already excited to kind of dive into that stuff but I don't want to get ahead of myself so maybe we'll kind of backtrack before we get into all of that. So maybe you could just to kind of get like a rough idea about you, you know, obviously keeping the anonymity and everything but maybe you could give like a rough idea like city state of where you live and then your favorite book and why.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. So I born and raised and continue to live in El Paso, Texas.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Which is on the border literally on the border of Texas and New Mexico.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah you're right there. You look over and see it.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. And then also Mexico as well. So we're like a tri-state area. So we're I live in a pretty unique region. Absolutely my hometown and my favorite book is The Art of Racing in the rain.

SPEAKER_01

Ooh I haven't read it but it's on my list. I've heard it's amazing.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah it caught my attention when I first started reading it I didn't realize so much that it was from the viewpoint of a pet. And so that caught my attention and I was able I read it in one day.

SPEAKER_01

I was that's how you know it's a good book.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And then I didn't realize the story behind it. It's kind of like when I go to a movie and don't have any real expectations and it just turns out to be like this really great thing that I experienced and that's how it was with the book.

SPEAKER_01

Oh that's awesome.

SPEAKER_00

So I stumbled across it actually and then that's my favorite book.

SPEAKER_01

I'm excited to add that to the list because I've heard such fantastic things about it. And now I'm gonna push it a little bit higher up on my list to read soon.

SPEAKER_00

So thank you for that uh that push as well I appreciate it and I'm gonna tell you I'm gonna tell you it evokes all of your emotions.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

So prepare myself prepare yourself because I found myself sobbing in certain sections and I found myself cheering and it it was really an experience.

SPEAKER_01

Oh that's awesome.

SPEAKER_00

And I can't say that about other books.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Yeah that's that's a powerful book to be able to do that. And especially like you said you read it in a day. So you went through a lot of waves of emotion in the course of like 12 hours or whatever. Maybe not even that long but it's just that's amazing. That's fantastic.

The Last Chance To Choose

SPEAKER_01

Thank you so much for for sharing that and so yeah now we can kind of get into the heart of the conversation and you can start with what do you think happens when we die?

SPEAKER_00

Well I think once our time is up I feel like there's probably a glimmer or a certain space of time and I don't even know if there's actually a time frame of what the what occurs but I feel like the person when they're on their way out their spirit on their way out they have this time where they have an opportunity like one final opportunity to accept Jesus Christ as their savior I feel like you have that up until the very last second. So I think that occurs I don't know how long it really is. I don't know how it would feel to that person like is it just in seconds minutes is it hours is it turning into days but I have this opportunity to one last time accept Jesus Christ as your savior and have the opportunity to either say yes or no and enter into heaven or in condemnation for eternity in hell that's what I think happens.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

And that's just based on my spiritual belief.

SPEAKER_01

And is that um just to kind of clarify is that Catholicism Christianity um just just curious. Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Christianity yes I and then I w wherever like if you go into heaven and I feel like you just enter into this paradise of extreme joy and happiness. Like I know the Bible says you'll feel no more earthly suffering, pain, any of those anymore. So I think it's just like a huge jubilee and and a wonderful place to be and you'll get to be whole from whatever you know you died from whether it's an illness injury old age like you're just whole and healthy and then you see your friends and family and be with the Lord for eternity. I I mean in my envision of hell if you go to hell it's just pure agony and suffering like so scary a place that I wouldn't want to be and I I I just think that it is like a 247 horror story that will never end. Which does not sound fun no it doesn't but I believe there's I think you know people who probably think there's nothing that happens in the afterlife and once a person dies they die their body you know remade it goes into the ground and burial but I believe that everybody has spirit and that's what lives on.

SPEAKER_01

It's interesting that you brought that up because that is has been kind of my position and kind of why I started this project because I have kind of had this thought or feeling or whatever that nothing happened. And not that you went into like an extreme depiction of hell but in some ways nothing is almost a little bit more terrifying to me than than your hell because it's like then I just don't exist anymore, which that's a really hard thing to wrap my head around. And so that's that's ultimately why I kind of started this. I I love that you said that you have to have found feat around all this loss that you have. And I think that's the most important thing with anything that anybody believes is at least having some pizza that it doesn't create fear, anxiety and all this turmoil. And so that's that's kind of where I'm coming from with this project and exploring I'm curious because it sounds like and I'm I don't want to put any words in your mouth or anything, but it sounds like you had a lot of loss and there is grief and maybe some struggle around that and it took some time to get to some peace around it. So I'm curious about that process and maybe how your faith played into that and whether it did or didn't affect the way that you think about death. Sorry that was a lot of questions. I hope that hopefully that wasn't overlooked.

SPEAKER_00

Oh that's fine.

Growing Into A Lived Faith

SPEAKER_00

No no it wasn't so I I've known of Jesus Christ since I was a little girl and of course as a child you don't really comprehend the totality of what it means to be a Christian and you know to have salvation and eternal life. And then so you go to church you do the things because your family does that and it's not until you get older and more mature that you can appreciate the teachings that you've been taught and then you yourself can make that decision if that's something you really want to believe or not.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So I've always had that foundation and so as anybody who goes through life there's so many ups and downs positives and negatives you know people stray they come back bad decisions are made good decisions are made but I I want to say that throughout my life I've had that foundation and always had that ability to lean on God for that comfort um during those time good times during the bad times. And I am 51 years old so I have some good life experience behind me. Yeah and I have you know been able to discern more of the Bible and its teachings and all of that and how I can apply it to my life to be a better person and then my faith using my faith to get through the tough times because I believe it right it's not just something that I've been told. So it's something that I believe.

Finding Nana At Home

SPEAKER_00

So my whole string of losses that were most condensed together started in 2019 with my Nana and she was the woman that raised me because I was not raised by my birth mother. So she was like my mom. So I knew she was getting up in age I knew she had congestive heart failure tried my best to reach out to her every day if not every other day but we didn't talk every day and she still lived alone very independent person. So you have this idea of your elders in your family like just living forever like they're you know they're gonna die but you don't want to like face that reality.

SPEAKER_02

Totally.

SPEAKER_00

But it was facing me in the face. So I knew the time was coming at some point but she was still very independent she still lived by herself everything I didn't really have to worry about her in that sense for some reason. I got a phone call from her and this was a woman who was born in the 1929 and went through the depression and all of the stuff that saw some things in America for sure. So yes and so she's the type of person that clung on to every penny saved everything that was saveable did not ask for help she would find a way through it like she didn't want to burden me her daughter but I would keep up on her like make sure you go to your appointments and she did I I worked full time so I wasn't able to go with her all the time so we had another family member um take her to her appointment. Well one day she called me while I was at work which is was unusual for her to call me during the day when she knew I was working. Yeah and she just told me she's like I just want to let you know that I'm okay and I love you and it was just brief conversation and then it didn't really dawn on me that that was the last time I was going to talk to her. So a couple days later I was off and I hadn't really talked to her since then and my plan was to contact her on my day off and I got a phone call from one of the physicians at work that I work with because my Nana's boyfriend she had a boyfriend a male friend he could not get a hold of her on the phone so he knew where I worked he didn't have my phone number so he tracked me down through work. He went to the hospital and he got the phone yes he was very concerned we all deserve that in our late in life don't we? Yes yes and I was told that he was there looking for me because he couldn't get a hold of Nana so of course that made me very anxious. So I myself tried to call her she didn't answer she didn't answer so eventually me and my husband just got in the car and started driving to her house and I just knew I just knew she was already gone. Yeah I just kept praying to Jesus to please just give me some sense of peace to know that she's okay whatever his will was and of course when we got there we found her she had she passed away home. That was pretty traumatic for me because she was my mom I wasn't expecting her she was down on the floor crumpled because she fell I honestly think that she there's evidence that she got up that morning made herself a cup of coffee got dressed because the coffee was on the nightstand and I think she just got off the bed to walk out of the bedroom and I I think she just went instantaneously so that was my first major loss which was really hard for me because she raised me since I was six.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah that's a big loss.

SPEAKER_00

Um so I mean like I said I was expecting it but I wasn't expecting it. And so it was kind of like tr you know all of a sudden tragic tragically she's gone but not too unexpected because she was 89 years old like she's elderly. Yeah so that was my first loss and that happened in April no it happened in February of 2019.

Hospice Goodbye And A Strange Peace

SPEAKER_00

So I have last pictures of her from twenty eighteen at my from my wedding because I had gotten married and so I just was not realizing at the time that these were the last moments that I had with her captured on film or the last phone call and so that was the first loss and then almost a year later January of twenty twenty my grandmother passed away and she was bedridden at home. She was also 89 years old. She was immobile and my mom took care of her all the time and so we knew she was deteriorating. We knew her time was coming but she was not a very happy person like she was great depression and she turned mean can't I I guess it's expected like who wants to live like that. But it got to a point when we knew that she was put on hospice like we were ready for her like not that we wanted her to die. Yeah we just didn't want her to be like suffering anymore. Yeah but whenever the time perfectly reasonable we yeah so we were like relieved yeah it was a sense of relief yeah when she passed but with her I was able to be with her at that moment and she took like this one last breath and she started like moving her tongue like if she was tasting something and right then and there I just told myself like I just felt like she was received in heaven and she got to taste the heavenly milk and honey of seven and that gave me so much peace of course sad because she's gone yeah but I didn't mourn her like a hurtful mourn like I had for my nana because I just was not expecting my nana to go the way she did. Yeah and it was a different relationship to some extent too right yes it was and then in March so all these deaths happened the first three months of the year.

A Husband Dies By Suicide

SPEAKER_00

So March of 2021 and this was the hardest one it was my husband he took his life oh I'm so sorry. So we weren't nobody was expecting it. The whole situation was just terrible and um the buildup to it and everything and I actually heard the gunshot over a phone call as I'm trying to drive to his parents' house because that's where he had gone and his two sisters and his mom and I are on a party line call on our vehicles and at the house. So we just we heard I heard everything.

SPEAKER_01

That's so hard I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you. So tragic and traumatizing so I never made it to his parents' house instead I met him and the ambulance at the hospital that they were taking him to because and I'm glad I didn't never made it to his parents' house for the mere fact that it turned into like an investigation scene. They didn't let anybody leave the house. So I was able to be with him at the hospital um otherwise I would have totally missed being there with him. I was the only one to be there with him and I had had some hope because they took him to ICU after the emergency room and I had hope that well maybe you know he'll we'll overcome this maybe it's not as severe as he intended it to be yeah and it was during COVID so it was really or I guess a year in yeah yeah so I couldn't be with him in the ER I don't think I would have if they even let me and I don't know if anyways they they got him up to the ICU and they called me. Friends and family had already started showing up so I had their support and everybody was just in shock. And so I thought okay well maybe he'll pull through because he's in the ICU. Yeah he didn't expire in in the E D because I was waiting for them to come out and tell me that he cast and so I got up to the ICU I was the only one who could go up there because of the restrictions and immediately they took me to a family room and the trauma doctor was there and I I just knew that what he was going to tell me. So he came in and he told me that the injury is devastating and that he will succumb to his injury and I am a nurse practitioner so I understand and we had already discussed my husband and I had already discussed our wishes at any point if something was to ever happen to us that we didn't want to be continued on life support if there was no hope of ever returning back to my previous self. Yeah so glad that you had that conversation you know what I think back and I had no idea that my husband was thinking these things. Yeah I knew he was had severe depression PTSD on and off medication treatment it's really difficult for men to get the help that they really need and stay on it. So I knew he was in a dark place for like six months prior but I had no idea that he was thinking of ending it.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

But his sisters did and his mother did and nobody told me. So that was like a knife in the back like because I told him if if I had any inkling that this was going to happen, of course as a spouse you're going to try your best to get him help and see if this would pass. But we had my husband and I had talked about and it wasn't even about suicide. It was like car accident or whatever.

SPEAKER_01

Just regular I mean not regular but yeah like a regular conversation about hey someday you know something might happen. Which I think is again, you know, kind of going back to what I I'm glad that you at least had that conversation because I think I think there's a lot of people that don't even have that conversation and so then something does happen and it could be a car crash and then it's like, oh yeah, I don't know what they wanted. So I'm glad that you at least had that conversation. I'm not trying to say that that changes anything about how traumatic and hard this this was for you.

SPEAKER_00

And I I'm very grateful that we had these discussions, you know, because I knew what I had to do for him. Yeah. Versus like his parents, God bless them. They left everything in my hands to deal with the medical part and the funeral part. They respected my role as his wife. So I didn't have to deal a lot with like family members saying, no, you've got to continue doing everything and all that stuff.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So but I, you know, I knew what his plan was. When I think back to like a year prior, I'm very curious to find out whenever I go to heaven and talk to him again. I think he was planning this for a while because we actually even purchased and paid in full our funeral arrangements. So we had that done. I mean we're young people like who really does that? Nobody.

SPEAKER_02

Nobody.

SPEAKER_00

But we had that planned we had the discussion about life and death in a hospital and then for Christmas his last Christmas he gave me a dog because I I had a dog that I had lost. But he knew I wanted another dog but I didn't get one myself because I assumed two dogs for my daughter because she went into the military and I and I told him I'm not going to get another dog. I don't need another dog and he goes he got me my own dog and that's the absolute last gift I ever received for him. So he's very precious to me.

SPEAKER_01

What kind of dog? But I know sorry I love dogs a poodle mix.

SPEAKER_00

It's a poodle mix. I even did his DNA amazing he's got a crazy DNA mixture but my husband gave me this dog I think he knew what he was planning he didn't want me to be absolutely alone because he had children that were my stepkids teenagers and of course after a tragedy like this happens families get fractured and you know it just turns really ugly. So I literally after he passed away I literally was in my home by myself the next day. The kids went with their family which is fine but I think he just knew that. But his passing was the hardest to deal with because I really felt like we both felt like we were God's gift to each other. It was our third his third marriage my second later in life you know just one of those things that happened and I had even told him I wish I met you when I was younger and he's like oh no I would have treated you like a dirty dish towel and I I would never want to do that to you. So our timing was perfect for meeting and marrying but the tragedy of him taking his life was unspeakable I I didn't know up from down I was totally crushed my understandably so ripped and um I've never ever ever felt such pain.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And I think it's because he was my person and it was so unexpected. Versus my elderly grandma and my nana like it's kind of expected.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Yeah like you said even with your nana that it was it was unexpected in a way but there was still the the idea around it that you know she was 89 and so it's like it's gonna happen. You know this was very sudden, shocking and traumatic which is death is hard to deal with on its own and the grief around it but when it's traumatic and that's not from personal experience. I don't I don't personally have that experience but from from doing this and talking to people it's it's a different kind of grief. It's a different kind of emotions that you're dealing with because it's just yes and he was 46 when this happened.

SPEAKER_00

So we were very young. Yeah and actually he I mean he was so important to me he is the one that actually brought me closer to Jesus building up my faith because he was deeply Christian. We weren't religious because we feel there's a difference between religion and your relationship with God. So we've primarily focused on our relationship with God and not really religion.

Sin Fear And Forgiveness

SPEAKER_00

So for him to take his life it's through all of these moral and ethical questions that I had that I wasn't going to get answers. And then his parents are also Christian deeply Christian as well and I'm like you're told at least when you're younger suicide is a sin and you're gonna go to hell right you you think oh my God is my person whether it's friend family or whoever when they die by suicide where they gonna go but that's where I feel like in those last moments in those last twinkling moments of somebody's life whether they're unconscious or conscious you have that one last opportunity to be forgiven because he Jesus forgives everybody. But he as a human had very dark oppression over him. I'm not saying he was possessed but he had a demonic had to been a demonic oppression for him to believe that his life was not worthwhile and he did this. So I had a lot of questions of faith where you where is he where is he going is he forgiven and then just like discerning what I know I just feel those last few moments every single person no matter who you are what you've done what you're dying of if you have not already accepted Jesus Christ as your savior you have that one last opportunity.

SPEAKER_01

I want to just say you know thank you for sharing that you know to a complete stranger.

SPEAKER_00

It's easier now I'll tell you it's a lot easier now it's been four and a half years. Yeah it took me a long time to even say the word suicide. I'm sure and I and I do not say he committed suicide he died by suicide.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah I feel like it's a much more respectful way of of talking about it. But yeah I can imagine that the word would not be something that you'd want to say for a very long time.

SPEAKER_00

And there's such a lot of negative connotation to it even still today. Yeah um the word suicide because of society's values and beliefs and I know mental health is getting a lot more recognition now which is great but still that connotation is there and as a widow nobody wants to be a widow. We all know we're gonna be widows if you marry right at some point in your life you're gonna be a widow. Yeah but most people think it's not until I'm gonna be my silver years. Yeah but this happened to us in our 40s and so I was not expecting to be I was expecting to grow old with this man and he's gone. Yeah and now I am a widow and it's not like I'm a widow from a car accident or a widow because he had cancer I'm a widow because he chose to do this. I'm curious I'm very grateful I'm very grateful that I had such great friends and colleagues and co-workers that they did not pry so I never had to answer to how he died. And I'm very grateful. I'm glad that you had that too never felt judged by his actions because so often I think survivors of suicide are judged by the actions of the person who died and that's not who that person was.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

They were a great person all around it's just this one instant that now they're not here.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah and completely not fair to get judged on that. Yeah oh I'm sure yeah well I'm glad that you had that support system to be there for you and and not pressure you and push you and and also that you didn't feel this like external judgment or anything because you didn't need any more on your plate. You had you had plenty.

Dreams Signs And Feeling Presence

SPEAKER_01

I am a little bit curious about when I talk to people who have lost people I'm always kind of curious like do you still feel like you have a connection with with your husband? Do you feel like you see signs and maybe it's not signs, maybe it's just you know I you know he's still in my heart but I'm curious maybe you know of that aspect of things too like is there a connection to to heaven in your mind? You know is there a way to connect to that um to the other side?

SPEAKER_00

Are you asking like if I feel his presence around me? Yeah yeah I think that's a that's a way of putting it so in the first maybe couple weeks I think because I longed for him so terribly bad you your mind's a strong thing and I think it causes you to see things to maybe try to not not put a band-aid on it but to make you feel at peace that they're still around so I want to say there was only a couple times where I felt something of him of course now I don't and I rar I rarely dream of anybody that I've lost probably the first four months maybe the first six months I had very vivid dreams with him but it was never him it was just his presence um yeah I never saw his physical being um it was just his presence him but it wasn't like comforting dreams it was dreams of him trying to run away from me and I he didn't want to be found and so I don't know what that meant. I just felt like maybe it was just I don't know if there's some level of of shame that he had that he now felt but he never wanted to be found in my dreams and if I found him he never wanted to come back home to me. I don't know what all that means yeah but I'm no dream expert yeah and in the physical reality of my world no I I I I only felt him a couple times. Yeah I do not believe that spirits stay behind they either go to heaven or they go to hell I don't feel like the passing of my people that their spirits are still bound here on earth. And I do not think that once you go to heaven that God allows them to come back to you know their loved ones here on earth I think God gives us signs. It's not them but God will give us signs like interesting they're okay or they're happy now or they're at peace but not from that person.

SPEAKER_01

Thank you for answering that question I appreciate it. And I think just in general I'm just again very grateful to you for being willing to share all of that.

SPEAKER_00

I mean that is some heavy stuff um to is that your dog yeah and they're outside he he my my have a pit bull and the food calling the neighbor from next door because they get treats and it's every evening so her and my little one are I know they're standing by the rock wall and they're calling my neighbors. Hey snack time I love that yeah that's what they do every evening.

SPEAKER_01

Like clockwork well yeah I just wanted to again reiterate a lot of gratitude for being willing to to share all of that and you know again to talk to a stranger and share your beliefs I really really appreciate it. I appreciate you and I'm so glad that we were able to do this. Is there anything else you want to say? And you don't have to but sometimes people like oh I have one last thing that I want to like I want everybody to know or I want to get across and if you don't it's totally fine. But I always want to make sure I leave some space for it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah and so because of my faith in Jesus Christ and our ability I did I truly believe that when I die I am going to heaven just because of my relationship and my faith and asking him as my savior so that's all I had to do was believe and ask him into my heart. So I feel that when it's my time I'm going to go to heaven I feel that I still have to answer to my life you know before him but I I just I want to say that when it's my time I'll be ready and not fearful.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

But of course I don't want to die anytime soon. I still feel how I have a long life to live. Totally but that's just what I feel. And so I have already like a sense of peace for myself in regards to my own life and death. But that's what I think happens when people die.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah and I think that's I think that's perfect and beautiful and a great place to to end the call but yeah again thank you so much. I'm glad that you came across this and and were willing to jump on the phone and and yeah we'll definitely have to stay in touch and yeah thank you. You're welcome all right well have a good rest of your day. You too I think we underestimate

What These Calls Are Really For

SPEAKER_01

how much of what we believe happens when we die is really about the people we've already lost. It's not just about our own ending it's about where they went to and whether we'll see them again. And this caller has an answer that helps bring them comfort and in my mind that's kind of all that matters. It's always really interesting to come back to a call I've been sitting on for a while. I don't remember all the tiny details but I do generally remember what we spoke about. But when I listen back to this one I can hear how much has changed not in the project, not in the calls, but and how I'm viewing the whole thing. What I've learned is this has way less to do with the question of what happens when we die that I thought that question is just a lens. What this is really about is that people pick up the phone and decide to be honest with a stranger about the things they've experienced in their life and are often some of the hardest things to say out loud. And so it's nice to go back revisit these older calls and see how much we can change in a relatively short amount of time.

Apply Call The Voicemail Support

SPEAKER_01

Thanks for listening next two days thanks for listening to this episode of When We Diet These conversations don't offer answers but they do open space space to reflect to feel like a line and maybe to see things a little bit differently than before if you'd like to explore your own beliefs out loud you can apply to be an anonymous caller at whenweed.com and if the full call feels like too much the voicemail is always open. Leave a message at 971328064 and share whatever death has stirred in your life. Listener support truly helps keep this project going. If you'd like to support the podcast you'll find a link in the show notes. And as always please like share and follow every bit makes a difference. Until next time have a good life