76.How to Find Friendship When You Feel Lonely (Biblical Hope for Hard Seasons)

Have you ever walked into a room full of people—and still felt completely alone?

Loneliness is one of the deepest aches we carry, yet it’s something so many of us quietly experience. In this episode, Ginger sits down with author Kristen Strong to talk honestly about friendship, rejection, and what God is doing in seasons when connection feels out of reach.

Together, they explore why friendship can feel so hard, how our expectations can hold us back, and how God meets us right in the middle of our longing for belonging.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why loneliness doesn’t mean something is wrong with you
• How God uses lonely seasons to deepen your faith
• Simple, practical ways to begin building meaningful friendships
• The truth about vulnerability and going deeper in relationships

Key Scriptures Referenced:

• Genesis 2:18 — “It is not good for man to be alone”
• Ruth & Naomi (Book of Ruth)

If you’ve been feeling unseen, left out, or disconnected, this conversation will remind you: You are not alone—and God is already at work.

Related Resources

• Desperate Woman Seeks Friends by Kristen Strong
• Made for Friendship by Drew Hunter
• Christian Hospitality and Loneliness: How One Invitation Can Restore Hope (Episode 62)
• How to Build Strong Community When You Feel Disconnected (Episode 38)
• How to Love Others Like Jesus: Actionable Steps for Everyday Life (Episode 22)

*As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Transcript

Ginger Harrington (00:10.358)

Yeah, that's, but you're here. Okay, it has us recording. All right, so we're just gonna start from here and I'll cut all that stuff off, because it's doing something a little funky, but it should be fun.

Kristen (00:19.492)

Okay, all right.

Ginger Harrington (00:27.65)

Have you ever walked into a crowded room and still felt completely alone? You're surrounded by people and yet something inside of you still aches for connection. But what if God has been beside you all along, seeing you, knowing your heart and preparing friendships and moments of hope you can't yet see? Welcome back to the Habits of Hope podcast where we believe a life rooted in hope grows through daily rhythms.

that help us trust in God's faithfulness, even in life's hardest seasons. Today we're talking about a topic so many of us quietly wrestle with, but rarely say aloud, loneliness. It's one of the deepest aches of the heart, and yet God offers real hope and help right here. I'm so excited to welcome my friend, Kristen Strong, author of Desperate Woman Seeks Friends. Through her own story and her incredible book,

Kristin helps us understand why friendship matters, how to navigate rejection, and most importantly, how God meets us in our longing for belonging. Kristin is a writer, speaker, and encourager who loves helping women embrace hope and connection, especially in seasons of transition and change. As the author of Desperate Woman Seeks Friends, she offers a warm and honest look

at friendship struggles and how faith reshapes the way we find community. Through her writing at Chasing Blue Skies and Beyond, Kristen has walked alongside countless women who've felt unseen and reminds us that we are never alone. Kristen, welcome to the podcast. I'm so glad you're here today.

Kristen (02:12.708)

Ginger, I'm so glad to be here with you. Thank you so much for having me. I'm honored.

Ginger Harrington (02:18.382)

Well, it is so fun to have this time to see you again and talk with you again. Kristin and I actually met in 2018 through a mutual friend who was kind enough to introduce two of her writing friends together. And that was a while back, my friend.

Kristen (02:23.6)

You

Kristen (02:37.449)

Yes, shout out to Selena Duffy for doing that for us. So I love it. You know, I love her so much. you know, it kind of it seems to be that when my I love them, I love my friends friends, you know, I always think they have good taste.

Ginger Harrington (02:41.961)

Absolutely.

Ginger Harrington (02:52.96)

Absolutely, absolutely. And it is fun to have that opportunity to connect with new people through friends. And that does relate to our conversation today, because I think both you and I have been through seasons of life where friends didn't come easy. One of the things I did not mention in your bio is you also are a military spouse.

Along that road comes a lot of moves and lot of transitions. And in fact, one of your books is about that very thing. You can tell us about that book real quick.

Kristen (03:30.877)

Yeah, well, let's see. wrote, feel honest to goodness. I feel like my past as a military spouse, my husband retired from active duty in 2014. So we actually still live in Colorado Springs. That was our last, his last active duty assignment. And he still, he actually still works at the Air Force Academy just on the civvy side of the fence. But, but I would say it's honestly woven its way into every book I've run.

I've written, you know, I've always written about change, belonging, friendship. that's kind of, you know, change is kind of the name of the game for the military life. And with the change comes, you know, kind of having to figure out where you belong and figure out where to find friends, you know, at each new location. So I did a long time ago, I did write a, like I self-published a devotional for military spouses. So that was very military.

but that's, you know, that was way back when it's not available anymore, but you know, but I've enjoyed incorporating, you know, my experience in that arena into all of my books, really.

Ginger Harrington (04:45.452)

Yes, and transition is something that is part of everybody's life. Change is part of everybody's life. And friendship is something that we all desire and we all have different needs of, you you've got the whole introvert extrovert thing going on. But regardless of where you fall on that spectrum, God made us for community. He made us for relationships and both with Him and with others. And it's one of those sweet gifts of the Lord.

Kristen (04:50.202)

Yes.

Ginger Harrington (05:14.124)

So let's hop into this conversation by unpacking why this topic resonates so deeply. And Kristen, what made you write this particular book, Desperate Women Seek, I'm gonna say that again. Kristen, what prompted you to write this particular book, Desperate Woman Seeks Friends?

Kristen (05:39.107)

Well, honestly, the topic of friendship has been something I've just been fascinated with since I began writing. In fact, I just realized this past week I was looking through some old belongings of mine and I found the magazine. It was a Momsense magazine from 2009 and I wrote an article in there that was the very first article I ever got paid to write. And it was

on Friendship basically. The whole magazine was on Friendship. So it's kind of funny. Like when an agent originally reached out to me, she loved the idea that, you know, of me writing on Friendship because she liked what I had to say about it. That was like in 2013. And it was, you know, I did, I was already working on projects in, you know, in that change arena at that time. So Friendship though has always been on my mind. But I would think, I think too, now felt like a great time to write about it because I

feel like I'm in a place where I've really never been with friendship in that I have most of my life I've really not been able to feel like I had

had my people like a good number of good friends, you know? And not local with me. so now, and so I did, you know, when I wrote the proposal for this and gosh, I think I started it in 2022, definitely by 2023. I signed the contract for it in the summer of 2023. Also at that point, the then, was his name? Oh goodness, let me say

this again, Ginger. I didn't think I'd have to do that so early in the game. What is it? Who is the chief medical person in the United States government called? I gotta Google. I'm just now spacing on it.

Ginger Harrington (07:28.002)

No problem.

Ginger Harrington (07:42.286)

That's okay.

Kristen (07:44.253)

me look it up. I remember his name. There we go. Ah, Surgeon General. Thank you. Surgeon General. That's what I was looking for. and right around, while I was actually working on this, the Desperate Woman Seeks Friends book proposal, Vivek Murthy, who was the then Attorney General of the United States, he came out with the, you know, this whole study about how our country was in a loneliness epidemic.

And so that only really added fuel to the fire of what I was already working on and thinking on and and truth be told just as one who's written in a in a public space for 15 years Friendship is just a subject that felt like kept resurfacing You know like people kept asking me about it or responding to it if I wrote about it So so that's kind of you know why I did honest to goodness. I feel like it was the book I was always supposed to write it just wasn't the right time

until now.

Ginger Harrington (08:45.742)

I can turn I can completely relate and understand that I'm gonna have you back up and say the sentence about the guy's name and search in general

Kristen (08:56.667)

Surgeon General, not attorney. I knew I'd gotten that wrong. Yes, okay, I will do that. Okay, I'm so sorry Ginger. Okay. Okay.

Ginger Harrington (08:59.736)

That's okay, that's okay. I'll just cut and paste it right in and you'll never know. So just say that one sentence again.

Kristen (09:07.485)

And also at the time I was preparing my proposal, the United States Surgeon General then in 20 in 2023, his name was is Vivek Murthy. He came out with a study talking about how we in the United States were in a loneliness epidemic, and so that really only added fuel to the fire of what I was working on here.

Ginger Harrington (09:32.814)

I can totally relate to that. you know, friendship is, it's a topic that I think many women have a little baggage about, right? I think that many of us, I'm gonna say that again, I think many of us at some point in the past have had a painful experience with either loneliness or feeling left out, rejected, left behind, or just plain old not wanted, you know?

That's part of life. We can't be best friends with everybody. But I do feel like that this is a topic that a lot of people resonate with. So as we're thinking about this, how has your faith shaped the way that you think about loneliness and belonging?

Kristen (10:06.877)

Correct. Yes.

Kristen (10:26.205)

My faith has been paramount because the Lord has taught me that sometimes it's not a bad thing to be lonely. know, to be isolated is problematic, especially for prolonged periods of time. But pretty much all of us will have times in our lives where we do feel lonely. It shouldn't be that way always and forever, amen. But we're going to have seasons where, you know, we're just lonelier than others. And that's, you know, I've now lived in Colorado Springs 15 years and I certainly even

though I we moved here knowing people which was kind of a first for us but it's still I could feel lonely you know when they ended up you know friends started working full-time and I you know away from the home and I wasn't or you know changed churches or what have you so you know so the so my faith component in loneliness has taught me to be less afraid of loneliness and more curious like okay what is the Lord trying to teach me here you know because I'll say this to

to the title of the book, Desperate Woman Seeks Friends. That comes from a very lonely time in my life. We had moved to the Dayton, Ohio area for a second time. You know, I show up thinking, I'm gonna, you know, I've been here before. I'll know people. Well, it was a totally different deal that, you know, friends I'd made had left or just were in different life seasons where we didn't connect. Also, you know, I did, at that point, I knew the quote unquote, all the right things to do to make friends. You know, I would put in the work and, you know,

introduce myself to people and try to make a connection. And the overwhelming message I got was we already have our people and we are not interested in new people. So you know what I mean? Nobody said that overtly, but it was said, know, it was the undercurrent of the vibe I got, I should say. But so anyway, I told my husband one day when he came home, I...

Ginger Harrington (12:06.2)

Mm-hmm.

Kristen (12:23.357)

think I'm just gonna get some poster board and I'm gonna write on it, Desperate Woman Seeks Friends, and then I'm gonna stand in my yard with it. Because this was 2005 before social media. And so it was like the old timey way of just advertising for a friend. Because it seemed my last resort, nothing else worked. so thankfully not long after that, I did meet a good friend because we kept showing up at the park the same time with our kids. So we struck up a conversation. So, you know, I think the

fact that my faith in the Lord kept me going. And that friend I met, we haven't lived in the same town since 2007, but we still connect and talk, you know? But the Lord showed me that in that lonely season, first of all, look at all these years later, I got a book title out of it. So that's kind of cool, even though I would have rather have made friends much easier at that time. But also just the Lord showed me that

Ginger Harrington (13:13.806)

You

Kristen (13:23.281)

You know what? I want to take care of some things between you and me in this time and you keep running to friends that it's kind of become a distraction. So I've removed your distractions because you've moved and you're having a hard time making friends because I want you to spend that time with me. And so that was the fruit to come out of that. But boy, but it's hard when you're going through it. And you know, at the time my husband worked crazy hours. I'm just talking largely with a couple of five year olds and a one year old and

You it's, you that's, you want grownup talk sometimes as well. And, you know, just all the blessings and advantages of friends. So, but, you know, they weren't there, but Jesus was, you know, He is that friend that's with us always. He's that friend that never fails us. And so, you know, that was a great time of building my relationship with Him as well.

Ginger Harrington (14:17.523)

Lord teaches us so much and you know through the years of what we learn in the in and outs of a friendship journey in those seasons where we are well connected with community, the seasons when we run into conflict or issues in community with a friendship or just in those empty spaces where you feel like you're just between. I often felt like that as a military spouse.

Kristen (14:41.67)

Mmm.

Ginger Harrington (14:45.239)

really struggle with a lot of anxiety still do when it comes to moving. And that I always thought about the first six months, it's almost like a dead space on your calendar because there's just not much going on other than like finding a new dentist and learning your way around. I

Kristen (14:49.405)

Hmm

Kristen (14:57.031)

Mmm.

Kristen (15:03.471)

Yes. Yeah, you can really busy and distract yourself from that issue because there's so many things to take care of. That's a good point.

Ginger Harrington (15:12.727)

Right. And so I just, those were the seasons that I felt the loneliness, particularly of not having new friends, built friendships yet, being new to a place. And you also kind of felt the weight of grieving, having left some good friends behind, you know, and that may not be the same journey that every listener has been on, but I do feel like you hit on something that I want to talk about. And that is

Sometimes we depend on friendships for things that the Lord wants us to depend on him for. Let's chat about that a little bit because that's a big point.

Kristen (15:49.245)

Mmm.

Kristen (15:53.854)

you

Yes, and it's 100 % true in my life. You know, my personality is, I'm a doer. I'm not really like a, like I'm contemplative about more internal things, but if there's something that I know needs taking care of, I move right into getting it done. And I think sometimes God's like, listen, you are doing yourself to the point of you are shutting me out.

So the first time that that awareness of, I'm looking to friends to fill my holes instead of God was really and I talk about this in the book very early on in our marriage. You know, I had a hard time making friends. You know, I went from I grew up on O'Neill Lane and my last name was O'Neill as everybody's last name on O'Neill Lane was O'Neill. And so I grew up with familiarity. You know, don't ever really remember having to work too hard to make friends other than a rough patch and

7th grade, went to college an hour away with a lot of friends and family. That's where I met my husband and you know, we started dating and then we get we got married. But then we went, you know, and then I'm a military wife. We moved to Ohio the first time and I didn't have a clue how to make friends and so I would reach out to folks kind of, you know, get a lukewarm reception and immediately retreat like, never mind. I'll just wait till the next assignment and you know, it's it's just one of those things where

I would then eventually make one friend and then I just would overwhelm her and expect her to kind of be my everything, you know, and that's too much pressure, you know, and Boss Camp says expectations kill relationships and that is dead, dead on as they really strangle the life right out of them. But boy, I could lob some expectations at a friend back in those days. And so I think even though that, you know, during the time of, you know, the desperate

Kristen (17:53.745)

desperate woman seeks friends, me wanting to make a sign. I'd learned a lot by that point, but I think, you know, it's still, that idea could still creep in and I think, if I just, you know, cause yeah, this was, at this point it was a year I didn't have. So, you know, like you said, six months, I'm getting everything taken care of. So then I have six months of like, okay, this is when I need to connect with somebody while also very much missing friends I'd made at my past duty station. Cause those were, they were great friends that we still

are largely in touch with. But yeah, like God just going, know, like you're still wanting to lean a little more on them than maybe is what's good for you. It's, you know, he does work through our friends, certainly. But I would sometimes skip right over him and just try to, you know, get what I needed from the friend instead of, you know, going to him regularly, meeting with him first and all of that. And that now, I want the listener to know, she's listening and going, but I am, I'm doing

things and you know still feel like I'm you know not having the friend I want I don't want her to internalize it as I must be doing something wrong

At the end of the day, making friends is hard simply because it's hard to make friends. And so, you know, just wait on the Lord and continue to meet with Him if you're doing that and trust that if Jesus walked this earth with friends, which He did, He wants you to as well. You're not the exception to the rule. But that's, you know, that's it's hard to it's hard to take that in when you're when you're just feeling so lonely.

Ginger Harrington (19:28.151)

Yeah, I can, I hear you on that. Another thing that your title brings to mind is the back in the day when people would put ads in the paper and this just makes brings to mind something. My kids are in their mid twenties to early thirties. And, did you know that there is bumble BFF? You can. Yes.

Kristen (19:38.654)

Yes, yes.

Kristen (19:53.866)

I have heard of that, yes, I have heard of that, yeah, where you can go on the app and connect with a potential friend and then meet up and see if you have any, you know, like that friend spark together.

Ginger Harrington (20:05.099)

Right, right. This is a challenge that meets every generation, right? both every generation, like every decade, every season of my life, there, you know, there've been moments of loneliness and moments of, of wonderful connection with friends. And I see it in my kid's life as well. There is, I do think an atmosphere.

Kristen (20:10.598)

Mm-hmm.

Kristen (20:28.094)

Mmm.

Ginger Harrington (20:33.423)

A distraction, a I don't know exactly what to call it in today's world that does make it even harder, I think, for people to meet and connect with someone who's going to become a true friend. And so it's just been interesting to watch my kids move from the college years into those young adult years of no longer being in an environment where you're surrounded by your peers and

Kristen (20:49.821)

Yeah.

Kristen (21:02.512)

Yes, I think it's...

Ginger Harrington (21:03.265)

It's been challenging for them as well.

Kristen (21:04.846)

I think it's even harder with the younger generation. The research is showing, you know, that the younger folks, know, what Gen Z, you know, maybe even Gen A too, I don't know. But I think the articles I've read were really centered around Gen Z. And honestly, not to pick on Gen Z, it's all of us to a certain degree. But Gen Z are what's called the digital natives because they've grown up with, you know, past their little years anyway with technology.

And there's a sense that so many folks, and again, I think this could apply to even us older folks, I'm a Gen X myself, that they're losing interpersonal skills because, you know, it used to be when you and I were in high school and if we called our friend, often their parent would answer and we'd have to say, hi, Mrs. Buck, this is Kristen O'Neill is what I would have said. And, you know, it's Kathy there. Like there were some, you

know, politeness, you kind of had to master. None of that, obviously, is a thing anymore. In fact, our kids would look at us horrified probably that we had to do that. We had to talk to the parents of the boy we were interested in, you know, or, you know, whatever it was. But, you know, nowadays, you know, we're just online so much more that there's, the studies are showing that interpersonal skills are being lost because it's

person to screen, even though there's a person on the other side of the screen you're chatting with, but there is something lost there in just the art of communication. And you know, you can't really make friends with somebody that you can't really communicate with. That's kind of the first step to see. And if you do have that friendship connection. So yeah, so I think, you know, while phones are a blessing, you know, my three kids all live outside of Colorado Springs and I

you know I'm thankful for it because I can stay in touch with them much more regularly than you know one phone call we used to have to pay for but it you know it comes at a price too.

Ginger Harrington (23:18.064)

I've gotta get rid of...

Kristen (23:20.357)

Ginger Harrington (23:24.196)

We're gonna let her say hi.

Kristen (23:27.142)

Hello Kitty! Okay, okay.

Ginger Harrington (23:29.786)

I'll be right back.

Ginger Harrington (24:17.744)

She's just hilarious, but I don't want her to show her behind me in the screen.

Kristen (24:19.71)

I couldn't even tell at like not until you said that.

Ginger Harrington (24:29.636)

Well, every now and then, I'll just like, I just got it. Anyway, I digress.

Kristen (24:36.254)

That's all right.

Ginger Harrington (24:38.544)

Kristen, one of the most powerful, the barts of your book. One of the most powerful parts of your book is how you name the roadblocks to friendship and help us move through them. In your book, you talk about myths that we believe about friendship. What are some of the common myths and how do they sometimes hold us back?

Kristen (25:04.702)

Mmm.

I think sometimes, I think, you know, well, I think a chief one is we believe it's harder for us than everybody else, you know? We just think we should be able to walk in that coffee shop and find our Monica and Rachel and Phoebe, and it should be easy as pie, you know, because it's clearly easy for everybody else. No, it's really hard for everybody else, too. Nobody, you know, as I said earlier, friendship is an art and a skill, and nobody's born

with it. Now, some people may have more of a natural acumen for it, but nobody's born with just the ability to do its practice that it gets us to a place to where we feel more comfortable in kind of reaching out to folks. And so, I think in my younger years, I exhibited a real victim mentality. When it came to friendship, I'd be like, I can't make friends here because we live in a really cold place and everybody's inside. everybody already has their

friends or you know people are just a little less friendly in this part of the world or this part of the country and and while those things you know some of those things are true you know at the point when I when I write about it in that in my book I transferred colleges because my husband and I got married I transferred colleges as a senior so I went to a new college as a senior you know by senior year a lot of folks do have friends and they're not always interested in new friends so it's not that I

was wrong there, I was wrong to let that be the roadblock to it and think that, you know, well, I just can't make friends here. Really, I just didn't want to try as hard as I needed. You know, I live on a hill here outside of Colorado Springs. Well, in Colorado Springs, but in the park called Black Forest. You know, it takes a little effort to walk up my hill, but not near as much effort as it takes to climb Pikes Peak. So really, I was encountering for the very

Kristen (27:05.792)

first time something that took more effort. And I just didn't, you know, realize that it just took the effort. I wanted to sort of cop out of that. So I would say that's a myth that friendship is harder. You know, it may be harder for some folks than others. That's legitimate. But it's not impossible for any of us. And again, if you know, God, if Jesus walked the earth with friends, he wants us to as well. And so that is very, very possible. So that's what I'd say.

is the chief myth, just believing that it's really hard. Like it's just too hard for you. Like you have special circumstances. The circumstances may be difficult and it's real, but God still has them in mind for you. You just may have to kick in the extra effort to find the friends that you need.

Ginger Harrington (27:56.378)

Many of our listeners feel stuck. Maybe they've been hurt before or afraid to reach out. What would you say to the woman who's felt rejected or unseen?

Kristen (28:08.496)

Yeah, I would say well fist bump because I've certainly been there as well. I loved what you said in the opening. You can absolutely feel like you are, you know, you can be in a room full of people and still feel lonelier than if you were just by yourself. And I know for me in the times of my life when that has happened or when I have felt particularly stuck or just like maybe my friendships are more on the shallow side. I don't know that I have any deep friendships. Often I have to ask myself, okay,

But RMI...

Am I going deep in any of my friendships or am I just keeping things real surfacey because I don't want to give the appearance that I have any problems or that, I mean, which listen, we all do, ain't none of us got our act together all the time. That's just true for every one of us. But am I trying to maybe appear put together or something more so that it's really preventing me from being vulnerable? And in researching this book, I read this great

this other great book by Drew Hunter called Made for Friendship. But in it, he has this fantastic analogy where he says, you know, we treat friendship like it's a cruise ship. You know, we know a little bit about a thousand people. And really, friendship is a submarine where we need to just be able to go deep with a few. And so that's, you know, I think in the times of my life, if I've known a little bit about a ton of people and still feel lonely, then that's a sign I'm not

vulnerable, you know, with anybody probably or at least not with enough people. And it's that vulnerability component, you know, sharing your the good, bad and ugly that allows, you know, somebody else to reciprocate that. And then you feel like, okay, I leave these gatherings where my pants fit better because I've had a load taken off, you know, and and figuring that component out is what's shot, you know, my friendships

Kristen (30:11.216)

you know, really into orbit in terms of, or I guess I should say the other direction, it just really made them really deep and meaningful and impactful to remember that vulnerability component.

Ginger Harrington (30:22.065)

I love that. Here on the podcast, we love talking about small practical rhythms that help us live with more hope, i.e. habits of hope. Is there one practice that the Lord has taught you that has become a habit of hope for you when it comes to cultivating good friendships?

Kristen (30:41.467)

Hmm, you know the one thing I do and and listen I'm introverted. I am NOT extroverted. I sometimes I think the Air Force taught me how to pretend like I'm an extrovert when the situation calls for it. But at the end of the day, I am introverted. So I will give the tip that has helped me the most develop habits of hope I believe. But you may you know, I don't want anybody to go like well, she's probably just extroverted. So that's why it works for her. That is not true. I am NOT but honest to goodness. I have gotten in the habit

When I see something about somebody, and it's generally, it's 90 % of these times it's a woman. When I see something about her that I just like or appreciate, whether that's, you know, the way I see her interacting with her child or I see her in boots that I like, you know, whether I know her or not, I name it to her. And that doesn't mean I've become great friends with every person I've done that with. Definitely not. I mean, I've probably done that several,

I'm 51, so I've done it, you know, a few hundred times. I'm not friends. I'm not great friends with a few hundred people. But those little micro connections, first of all, make somebody's day, you know. That can be just a real blessing. When people have done that to me, I'm like, my gosh, thanks so much. You know, that's just a day brightener. But second of all, it kind of just gets me in the habit of being friendly. And that's kind of the first step to making a good friend.

you know? And so just, because sometimes it has like led to a second conversation or what have you, you know? I think back to when Sherry and I met, Sherry was the friend I met because we kept showing up at the park at the same time, in the days of Desperate Woman Seeks Friends. I think the first thing we talked about was I complimented her on her, like she had a cute t-shirt on and I complimented her on that.

you know, so now if I'd not said that would we have still struck a conversation? Probably, but I was in the habit of doing those kind of things of just seeing and you know, it's just at the very least a way to I think spread God's love to people in a very minor way, but that can have big impact, but at the most, you know, can really develop you into a kind friend. And when you're in the habit of that too, it's not just seeing strangers. Then when you go, you know, when I go to my husband's work like

Kristen (33:07.687)

a Christmas party where I don't know anybody. Listen, my job is all right brain, his is all left brain. I have nothing really in common work wise with these people, but I am able to converse with them because I'm just in the habit of, you know, striking up conversations. And again, I'm an introvert. I don't love small talk. I think it's boring. I would rather get to the meat of things, but you can't just go in hot, you know. So how's the state of your marriage or, you know, you got any children that are

like that would be off-putting, obviously. So you got to start somewhere. And I've learned that's a great teaching tool for me to start somewhere to develop that habit of making connections.

Ginger Harrington (33:50.353)

Yes. And one for me that I think has been helpful that just piggybacks right alongside that is just asking questions and expressing interest in people because it

Kristen (34:02.858)

Absolutely. And that's at the end of the day, what I was doing is expressing interest. You're exactly right. When you're asking questions of them, that's automatically attractive to somebody, I believe, because you're showing interest in them. You're seeing them. You're dialed into them. And that's, nobody is going to be offended by that. They're, you know, they're going to be encouraged by that.

Ginger Harrington (34:27.346)

Mm hmm. Yes. I think back to junior high days. my goodness. Friendship could be a hot mess during that season of life. And, you know, I do think that there may be some folks who have never really outgrown some of the like cattty experiences and things like that. But most of us have and.

Kristen (34:36.387)

my gosh, can't it though?

Ginger Harrington (34:55.782)

being able to realize that friendship isn't easy for most people. I think helps us to be more open and more accepting of people and not having this expectation of, she's all that or she's got it all together. She wouldn't be interested in being friends with me.

Kristen (35:01.885)

Hmm.

Kristen (35:17.796)

Right.

Ginger Harrington (35:22.138)

I just feel like there's so many bizarro conversations as women that we have in our heads when it comes to trying to make friends and whether or not we're going to feel accepted. I just, I love coming to an age where hopefully that's not so much of a big deal as it has been, you know, in years gone by, but.

Kristen (35:29.85)

Yes.

Kristen (35:35.697)

Yes.

Kristen (35:50.041)

Yes. Yes.

Ginger Harrington (35:51.271)

I think they'll always be a part of me that is the girl who was the fat girl who got made fun of and, you know, stuff in elementary school. And that for me planted a lie from the enemy of people don't really like you. And it's amazing how oftentimes he wants to pull that one up. And it can be that somebody was busy,

Kristen (35:59.239)

Mm.

Kristen (36:11.069)

Mmm.

Ginger Harrington (36:20.496)

You know, all kinds of things happen, but in your own head, sometimes you make the whole com the whole scenario about you. And so oftentimes it's not about you and people like you just fine. But the enemy loves to capture on some of those messages from painful moments with friends in our past. I don't know if that came up in the book at all, but do you have any thoughts on being able to keep

Kristen (36:29.03)

Mm-hmm

Kristen (36:41.559)

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Ginger Harrington (36:49.946)

what's going on in your head focused on what's here and now and letting each new friendship become its own thing without an expectation, without a history and just see what God's gonna do with this relationship.

Kristen (37:05.853)

That's right, you're exactly right. I think...

Although, like you said, the blessing of being in your 50s is you have, you care less about what other people think than you did in your 20s. But it's not as if we don't ever care about what somebody else might think or wonder kind of how am I kind of projected myself to this group of people, you know, in a good way, a positive way or in an off-putting way, you know? And yeah, I remember back in middle school,

I went to a movie with a good friend of mine, Haley. And I remember just we were having, I think we were watching like the second Crocodile Dundee movie. And so it was a long time ago, but we, I was in middle school, but I remember just sitting in that theater and my heart just sink into my chest. Cause it's like, I heard this message somewhere, you know, Haley's only here cause she has nothing better to do. And that, that like, I remember crying myself to sleep that night because I had this thought like, man, maybe

Maybe any friend I have is just there because there's no better offer. Maybe they don't really value me for me. And you know, I just think that's an enemy's tool. Whether you know, because I was insecure as a kid as as all get out. I just I was slow to mature so the middle school years were not real pretty for me either and was real. You know, I was real tall and I was very insecure about that because you know was like a head taller than all my friends and you know in middle

you just want to blend in and I didn't feel like I blended in at all. I just stuck out and got attention when you know that was usually or not always but partially negative attention. And so anyway yeah I think that just remembering that as grown-ups by and large

Kristen (39:00.381)

we don't have to worry what they're thinking because I'll tell you what they're thinking. They're thinking about themselves. They're, like you said, it's about them and it's not about us. Same with us, you know, we're not leaving a party going, wow, that girl, what she said was real weird. If we're thinking anything along those lines, it's, man, I hope what I said wasn't weird, you know. So, I think that is just the general way of it, but the enemy loves to, any way he can isolate us, you know, so that we become, you know, like I said, I live out in Black Forest.

you know, the deer often travel in packs and if there's a single one, you know, their life expectancy isn't too long. They're going to get taken down by something. And so it's, think, the same with us and the enemy knows that. he can isolate us in our thought life, you know, before we're even dealing with something on the outside, then that's a win for him that, you know, we don't want to let that kind of thinking enter into it. I think when we

just bring, you know, the idea to something to, you know, whether it's a one-on-one coffee date or whether it's you know, a work, like I mentioned, a Christmas party for my husband's job. Whatever it is, if we just bring with us a spirit of just getting to know other folks and not worry about what we receive, I think when we walk away we find we receive more of what we were hoping to get.

Ginger Harrington (40:27.951)

is a beautiful, beautiful way to end that particular part of the conversation. Are there any specific scriptures or promises from God that have given you hope or wisdom or strength during seasons of loneliness that have been game changers for you?

Kristen (40:45.18)

Mmm. Well, I-

Yes, I mean, one of them is probably, you know, some of your listeners may go, well, duh, but for me, it's been important. It's just the beginning in Genesis when, you know, God says it is not good for man to be alone. And I heard, I think what's brought that afresh to me is I heard a sermon where the late Pastor Tim Keller talked about how, you know, in the Bible, you know, sin hadn't been introduced

into the world yet. And but then, when he so when he says it is not good for man to be alone once again, sin had not entered the world. So that's really kind of the first thing that is like a negative loneliness that is not the result of sin. So much negative is the result of sin. And so if you're feeling lonely and when I felt lonely, I'm like, yeah, it's not because I'm doing something wrong. It's because I'm created to be with people, you know. And so I think that's a real just a real powerful lesson.

in, in, you know, that portion of, of, of scripture. Other than that, I think just, I love the story of Naomi and Ruth and how she stuck by Naomi. Naomi's like, you get a free pass, go on back with your people. Ruth's like, no, I'm with you. I think that's a lesson in how persevering in friendship has its own rewards. Now, you know, on the flip side of that, you want to be able to read the room. if, if, it takes two yeses

Yes, it's for a friendship. If the other one's not interested, then you need to pivot to those that do see you as the value, see you for the value you bring and for the treasure you are and invest in those women. But, you know, sometimes as the Holy Spirit kind of guides, know, I've been the one to give more effort in the beginning of a friendship before it turns reciprocal, just because the other person was in a real busy season of life or maybe had been hurt by friends. So, I was just kind of curious to see how

Kristen (42:48.354)

I'd stick around, know, there's there's friendship. It's so nuanced, you know, there's just a for every rule for finding friends. There's a thousand exceptions. I feel like but they have to you know, how that can work out easily or not. But but yeah, I would say, you know, the story of Naomi and Ruth also is I think just a beautiful testimony on you know, the faithfulness of God to bring you to a better place and you know, working through friendship to

that end.

Ginger Harrington (43:20.241)

That's so true, so true. If someone listening today remembers just one thing about hope in seasons of loneliness, what would you want that to be?

Kristen (43:30.732)

I would want it to be for her to know that she is not alone in her loneliness. That she's not also, she's not weird or odd for feeling lonely. Most all of us have felt lonely. And as I mentioned, you know, that loneliness epidemic, took us a while to get there, but it's so it's not gonna, it's not gonna, we're not leaving it, you know, quickly either. So there are lots of other women who are in her shoes as well. And honest to goodness, you know, one thing I love about Desperate Woman

seeks friends is I believe it inspires you to see why you need the friends you want, but or why you deserve to have them. But also it's very practical and sort of giving you very easy ways of conducting your day-to-day choices in your life that can help you find the friends you want to need. so, but you know until that happens until you you know are where you want to be the Lord is with you always.

He will, he'll never leave you, he'll never abandon you, and you know, he never changes, and so his character is solid, and his presence with you is solid as well, and so I would certainly want her to know that, that she's never alone in her loneliness.

Ginger Harrington (44:47.923)

That is such a beautiful word and we all need to remember that whether it is a relationship with a friend or a relationship with a family member or a marriage or just an off season in life, we're never alone in our loneliness and that is a beautiful truth that gives all of us so much hope.

Kristen (45:00.375)

Mm-hmm.

Ginger Harrington (45:12.819)

Kristen, before we wrap up, is there anything that we've not talked about that you'd love to hit on before we finish?

Kristen (45:20.776)

goodness. Well, I guess the only other thing I would say is, you know, people will fail us I've had friends, you know, quote unquote friends behave in ways that are, you know, very unfriend like, you know, I think sometimes, you know, mean girls don't just they're not just in middle school and high school. They can go beyond that watching your your child, your daughter go through a difficult friendship season of which I write about in the book as well.

Also very painful. So friends can fail us. I've had a lot of friends that don't fail us I think my friends who also are in a in a great relationship with the Lord They all they they draw me to them So there's something about that too If you want to work on I think Tim Keller said this as well if you want to work on your friendship with people Work on your friendship with Jesus and that you know helps to that end But also I would I would just love to let her know that

Jesus is her friend that will never fail her. People are people, but Jesus is the friend that sticks to you closer than a brother. And he just loved, he loves you. He went to the ends of the earth. went and died and rose again because he loves you so much. And so I would just want her to know that as well.

Ginger Harrington (46:43.635)

Well, thank you for sharing that. Kristen, tell us where people can connect with you. Where are you hanging out online these days? All that kind of fun stuff.

Kristen (46:52.379)

You bet, you bet. So, well, I have a website, kristinstrong.com, and that's K-R-I-S-T-E-N, strong.com. I am on Instagram the most, and that's again, at kristinstrong, just my name. I'm also on Facebook, which is facebook.com slash chasing blue skies, which is the old timey name of my blog. You don't really, we used to all have cutesy little names, but anyway, you can find me there, but Instagram at kristinstrong, and then my

website, KristenStrong.com is where I am most often.

Ginger Harrington (47:26.299)

Excellent. Well friends, be sure to look Kristen up, tell her hello and how much you enjoyed today's episode. Kristen thank you so much for sharing your heart and your wisdom with us today. Friends, if you're listening, go ahead.

Kristen (47:40.497)

Thank you so much for having me. It was wonderful, Ginger.

Ginger Harrington (47:46.627)

It is just a real treat to have you. So friends, if you're listening right now and you feel the weight of loneliness, I want you to hear this. You are not forgotten. God sees you, He loves you, and He's already at work drawing you into connection with Him and with the people that He has for you. You can find Kristen's book, Desperate Woman Seeks Friends, linked in the show notes. And I can't recommend it enough. It's packed with encouragement.

and practical steps for this very season. So friends, until next time, love your people well and enjoy your friends. Trust the Lord for the ones that are coming and we'll see you next time.

Ginger Harrington (48:35.699)

Kristen, I'm gonna go back and just do the little closing again because we got a little awkward and I might not be able to edit that one quite well. So I'm gonna tell you a thank you and then give you space and you hop in and say your, okay. Kristen, thank you so much for sharing your heart and your wisdom with us today. This conversation has been so much fun.

Kristen (48:45.444)

Okay.

Kristen (48:52.495)

Okay, you bet. Okay.

Kristen (49:02.33)

my gosh, I had a blast with you Ginger. Thank you so much for having me.