80.Trusting God Through Doubt and Grief: The Story Behind Kelsey Chadwick's Where Else Could I Go?

Today's guest, Lesa Watson, is the mother of Kelsey Chadwick — a woman who spent the last year of her life wrestling honestly with doubt, going back to the word of God, and writing everything she found there into a book called Where Else Could I Go? Kelsey passed away unexpectedly before the book released. The manuscript was already at the publisher when she died.

In this conversation, Lesa shares Kelsey's story with extraordinary grace: the cancer diagnosis Kelsey quietly hid to protect a family vacation, the five-day writing retreat where the whole book poured out of her, the voice memos her husband found on her phone after she was gone, and the last words Kelsey said before she lost consciousness — words that have stayed with everyone who heard them.

But this episode isn't only about loss. It's about what it means to build a faith that holds before the hard day arrives. Lesa talks about her own practice of studying the character of God — and how that knowledge sustained her when scripture itself wasn't sinking in. She shares the two verses she has posted in her home, the eternal hope that shapes how her family grieves, and the single truth she most wants listeners to carry away from Kelsey's words.

Key moments in this episode include the power of returning to the source when questions overwhelm us; Kelsey's story of nine months of medical uncertainty and how it became a journey deeper into faith; how Lesa holds grief and hope together without pretending either is smaller than it is; scriptures that have anchored her — Romans 8:28 and Psalm 31:14; and the profound comfort of knowing eternal life begins not at death, but at the moment you say yes to Christ.

If you're carrying questions you don't know what to do with, or sitting with a loss that hasn't resolved itself into neat answers, this conversation is for you. Share it with a friend who might need it. The questions are okay. And there is still a place to bring them.

Read the full article at GingerHarrington.com.

*Habits of Hope is taking a short summer break as Ginger welcomes two new grandchildren into the family. New episodes will return later this summer. In the meantime, explore the podcast archive and stay connected through the Habits of Hope email newsletter.

Explore Kelsey's book, Where Else Could I Go? Embracing God When You're Doubting Everything

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Transcript

Where Else Could I Go? — Faith, Doubt, Grief, and Eternal Hope

INTRO

Ginger Harrington:
Have you ever wrestled with questions about your faith and then wondered if that meant something was wrong with you? What if your questions aren’t a problem to fix, but an invitation to go deeper?

Today’s conversation is a little different — and deeply meaningful. We’re talking about a book that was written in the middle of real questions, real fear, and real faith. A book that released after the author unexpectedly passed away.

You’re listening to the Habits of Hope Podcast, where we believe a life rooted in hope is formed through daily rhythms that help us trust God’s faithfulness, even in life’s hard seasons. Each episode is an invitation to practice small, meaningful habits that shape a deeper spiritual life.

Together we have meaningful conversations, share honest stories, and explore biblical truth in ways that help you live with steady faith, resilient hope, and clear purpose. Because the more we practice choosing hope, the more we begin to recognize God’s faithfulness in our own stories.

If you’re ready to deepen your connection with God and navigate life with a hopeful heart, you’re in the right place. Let’s get started, because a deeper life starts now.

I’m Ginger Harrington — author, blogger, and speaker — and as always, I’m so glad you’re here.

Today we’re joined by my good friend Larissa. Hi, Larissa.

Larissa Traquair:
Hey, Ginger. Good to see you. And for those of you who don’t know, I’m also the co-host of this podcast, a live broadcaster, and the founder of the Cultivate Community. I believe this is going to be an amazing resource for everyone who listens, and I’m grateful we’re here today.

INTRODUCING LESA + THE BOOK

Ginger:
Today we’re talking about the book Where Else Could I Go? Embracing God When You’re Doubting Everything — a message rooted in this powerful truth: God is not disappointed with your questions, even the hard ones.

In a world where so many people carry doubt, uncertainty, or unanswered questions, this conversation feels both timely and deeply needed.

Today we’re honored to welcome Lesa Watson, the mother of Kelsey Chadwick, the author of Where Else Could I Go?

Lesa, thank you so much for being here today. I know this is your first podcast interview, and it truly means so much to us that you’re willing to share Kelsey’s story.

Lesa Watson:
Thank you. I appreciate the opportunity so much. She has a wonderful message to share that will be so helpful to people.

LESA INTRODUCTION

Ginger:
Can you tell us just a little bit about yourself?

Lesa:
I am sixty-three years old, and I have lived on the same land for almost forty-six years with my husband. I live in the same home where we raised Kelsey.

I taught elementary school for twenty-nine years. I retired once Kelsey and her husband announced they were expecting for the first time, and I felt the Lord calling me to stay home and help raise those two girls.

I have been so blessed to be Kelsey’s mom, and it’s a pleasure to be able to talk about her and her life.

WHO KELSEY WAS

Larissa:
We appreciate you being here, Lesa, because podcasting isn’t easy for everybody — especially when we’re talking about such a tender topic.

Before we talk about the book itself, I’d love to begin with Kelsey, because behind every message like this there’s a real life, a real journey, and a real faith.

If you’re comfortable sharing, can you tell us a little bit about Kelsey — who she was, what she loved, and what defined her faith?

Lesa:
She was saved at the age of nine, and her entire life she grew closer and closer to the Lord.

She was the busiest person I’ve ever known. First of all, she was a follower of Jesus and a lover of His Word. She was a wife, a mother, a daughter. She ran the business side of their sheep farm and the value-added products they produced.

She had fallen in love with sheep as a young girl, and we raised them as a family. Lots of lessons are learned when you raise sheep.

She was also an artist. She took wool that was basically considered useless because of its low market value and created jewelry from it.

She was extremely talented as a writer. She had written since she was a young girl. She was also an administrator in her job. She started out as a migrant education worker for our state education department, and later earned both her master’s degree and doctorate in social work.

She was a very, very busy young woman.

One of our deacons at church said she “lived a hundred years in thirty-five, and then wrote a book on top of all of that.”

KELSEY’S PASSING

Ginger:
Lesa, thank you so much for sharing that. I can hear in your voice how proud you are of her, and I know you will always miss her this side of heaven.

This part of the story is tender but important. Would you be willing to share what happened and how your family walked through Kelsey’s passing?

Lesa:
Kelsey was out of town working and making a presentation for her job. She collapsed onto the podium in front of her.

Her colleagues rushed to help her and called an ambulance. She was in distress. They had to shock her there, revived her, and got her back.

One of her colleagues rode with her to the hospital in the ambulance, and I’m so thankful for that.

When she came to, the first thing she said was, “Jesus loves me.”

Then she told them, “I’m bleeding.” They didn’t understand because they didn’t see any blood, but they had to revive her again. Her blood pressure had dropped, and her tests were coming back extremely low.

They tried several times to get her to imaging, but every time they tried, she would code again. Finally, they lost her.

Before she lost consciousness for the last time, she told them, “Jesus loves you too.”

Those were her last words.

She had suffered an abdominal aortic aneurysm.

It has been tough. She was so far away from home, and that made it even harder. Her husband had received a call that she was in distress and had been taken to the emergency room. He had a five-hour drive ahead of him, and they called to tell him she had passed while he was on the way.

He had to make the rest of that journey knowing she would not be there when he arrived.

He had called our pastor, so we knew there was an emergency. Friends and family came and surrounded us. Our pastor and our GriefShare counselor came to share the news with us.

I was home alone at first. My husband had been fishing that morning and didn’t make it home before I learned the news. But I was surrounded by people who loved us.

When he arrived home, I had to tell him.

The hardest part was waiting before telling our granddaughters because we wanted their dad to be home with them first.

Honestly, even harder than hearing she had passed was knowing we were going to have to tell those little girls.

I had lost my own mother at a young age, so I knew what was ahead of them, and that was incredibly difficult.

But God has been faithful. He has been with us since the beginning.

THE BEGINNING OF KELSEY’S DOUBT JOURNEY

Ginger:
That is such a hard story, Lesa. And yet I know God has been faithful, even in the hardest places.

What do you think inspired Kelsey to write this book in the first place?

Lesa:
She began having health concerns in 2024.

We had gone to Florida for a family vacation. They had spent a wonderful week together as a family and then came to rest and relax with us.

As Kelsey was putting lotion on after a day in the sun, she noticed a growth in her neck.

She immediately felt something was wrong, but she didn’t say anything because she wanted to preserve that week together.

Afterward, she started pursuing testing and biopsies, but the biopsies kept coming back indeterminate.

Eventually she went to the University of Kentucky Research Center to see a thyroid specialist. They discovered not only the lump she had found but also growths within the thyroid itself.

Even though the tests were inconclusive, the growths were already large enough that they recommended removing the thyroid completely.

Once the thyroid was removed, they were able to run additional testing that confirmed it was cancer — a very rare form of thyroid cancer for which there was essentially no treatment.

The waiting was incredibly difficult.

It was nine months from the time she found the lump until the thyroid was removed and the diagnosis was confirmed. During all that uncertainty, she searched for answers everywhere.

In the book she talks about searching for worldly knowledge:
What did the test results mean?
What did the measurements mean?
What did the odds mean?

But she wasn’t getting certainty.

Even after surgery there was still uncertainty because they found rogue thyroid cells elsewhere in her body.

So this journey of doubt started months before the diagnosis and was still ongoing when she passed away — even though her passing had nothing to do with the cancer itself.

She struggled with anxiety during that season, and the book really traces how she walked through those doubts with the Lord.

THE WRITING PROCESS

Larissa:
There’s something so powerful about seeing how God meets us in those moments.

Can you share what the writing process looked like?

Lesa:
Kelsey was a researcher, a writer, and a thinker.

As she searched the Scriptures for answers, she would write out her thoughts and prayers. After she passed away, her husband found voice memos on her phone where she was processing her fears and emotions out loud — talking through how God was meeting her in those struggles.

Those recordings are such a gift to us because we can hear in her own voice what God was teaching her.

She had notes everywhere, but she had not really started forming the book itself yet.

Her husband felt strongly that the Lord was telling him she needed time away to write because she was always so busy.

Their anniversary was coming up, and he contacted my husband and me and asked if we could keep the girls for a few days. He surprised her with a writing retreat.

They stayed in a hotel suite where she had space to spread out and work. He didn’t even tell her until the last minute. He simply told her to pack her bags, grab her computer, and come with him.

During those five days and four nights, she sat alone with the Lord and poured out this entire book.

It just flowed out of her.

I’m sure she edited later before sending it to the publisher, but the heart of it came pouring out during that retreat.

And I think that’s why you can feel so much of her in the book.

And one thing I didn’t mention earlier — she was hilarious. She had such a wonderful sense of humor, and you can see glimpses of that in the stories she tells about her girls and family life.

WHAT KELSEY DISCOVERED ABOUT DOUBT

Larissa:
I know many listeners struggle with doubt in different seasons of life.

What would you say Kelsey discovered about doubt — and about God — through her journey?

Lesa:
Kelsey had always been a student of the Word, and what she found was this:

You have to go back to the source.
The source of truth.
The source of light.

God is sovereign.

She wrote that book in January. She passed away August twenty-eighth. The book was already with the publisher when she died.

Through all of that doubt, she returned again and again to the Lord, and through that process her faith actually deepened.

She realized in a deeper way what John 15:5 means — that apart from Him we can do nothing.

We cannot fully understand life. We cannot fully understand God’s purposes. But we can know that without Him we can do nothing.

And in the middle of doubt, she found herself walking even more deeply with Him.

WHAT LESA HOPES PEOPLE TAKE AWAY

Ginger:
For someone listening today who feels full of questions — maybe distant from God or struggling with doubts of their own — what do you hope they take away from Kelsey’s words?

Lesa:
The book may be about doubt, but truly it’s a handbook for Christian living.

My prayer is that people come away understanding that He is the answer, and that through Him all things are possible.

The first step is salvation — becoming a born-again believer in Christ. Kelsey lays out the plan of salvation very clearly in the book.

But beyond that, I hope people see Jesus.

I want to honor God more than I want to honor Kelsey, because ultimately this story is about Him.

I’ve told people: don’t buy the book simply because she wrote it. Buy it and read it because it contains something meaningful for every stage of the Christian life.

The stories I’ve heard about how God is already using this book have been such a blessing to us.

ETERNAL HOPE

Ginger:
One of the extraordinary things about faith in Christ is that someone looking at this story from the outside might ask, “Where’s the hope?”

And yet we see how God worked through her suffering to create something beautiful that continues to point people toward Him.

As believers, our hope is not confined to this life. This life is not the end of the story.

When my own sister died, the Lord began showing me that death is not simply an ending — it’s a doorway from this life into eternal life.

That’s hard for us to grasp when we lose someone we love, but for those who belong to Christ, there truly is hope.

Lesa:
Because Kelsey was a believer in Christ — and because our family belongs to Christ — I know without a doubt that she is with the Lord.

And I know we will see her again.

That doesn’t remove the grief. I don’t want people to think I’m pretending this isn’t painful. I live every day with the loss of her.

But because we belong to the kingdom of God, we grieve differently. As Scripture says, we grieve with hope.

And eternal life doesn’t begin the day you die. It begins the day you trust Christ as your Savior.

SCRIPTURES + HOPE

Larissa:
Has there been a Scripture that has been especially meaningful to you in this season?

Lesa:
There are so many.

Romans 8:28 has always been precious to me:
“We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose.”

And Psalm 31:14–15:
“But I trust in You, O Lord; I say, ‘You are my God. My times are in Your hands.’”

That verse reminds me of His sovereignty.

I don’t get to choose what happens in this life, but I can trust Him because I know His character.

For several years I had been studying the character of God, and in those early days of grief — when it was hard even to absorb Scripture — I held onto what I knew about who He is.

He is faithful.
He is sovereign.
He is holy.
He is merciful.
He is good.

That is what sustained me.

CLOSING

Larissa:
Kelsey’s book, Where Else Could I Go?, is available anywhere books are sold, and we’ll link it in the show notes.

And friends, if this episode encouraged you, we’d love for you to share it with someone who may be carrying quiet questions of their own.

Questions are not the enemy of faith.

We can bring our questions to God. We can wrestle honestly, and He remains faithful.

Lesa, thank you so much for sharing Kelsey’s story and your own heart with us today. This has been such a meaningful conversation.

Larissa (Closing):
Friends, if you’re in a season of questions — if you’ve been wondering where God is or what He’s doing — let this be your reminder:

You do not have to have everything figured out to stay close to Him.

And maybe the question is not, “Why don’t I understand?”

Maybe the question is simply this:

“Where else could I go?”

To Him — the source of hope.