248 | What If You Don’t Have a Passion? Finding Meaning Beyond the To-Do List

Do you ever feel like everyone else has a “thing” they’re passionate about while you’re just trying to survive the to-do list? If the search for passion feels overwhelming or even discouraging, this episode is for you.

In this episode, we challenge the myth that purpose has to be big and flashy. I shares why meaning often shows up in smaller, quieter ways and how you can begin noticing those moments in your own life. 

From following your curiosity to redefining what achievement looks like in motherhood, you’ll walk away with practical steps to start feeling more fulfilled right now, without the pressure of having to “figure it all out.”

Transcript

Finding Passion

[00:00:00] What if your purpose isn't some grand fireworks in the sky, can't sleep, you're so excited kind of thing. What if it's quieter, simpler, and still deeply fulfilling? So many moms I talk to feel this unspoken pressure to find their passion, like it's a single magical calling. They're supposed to devote their entire life to.

But the thing is, sometimes that expectation makes us feel even more stuck because between carpool, dinner, laundry appointments, and the endless mental tabs that are open in our brain, how are we supposed to find anything that lights us up? And then there's this, you start thinking that you haven't found it yet.

Maybe you're somehow behind or missing out, or worse, maybe there's something even wrong with you. Today we're taking that pressure off. This is a judgment free chat about why your meaning doesn't have to be big to be beautiful, and how you can start feeling more fulfilled right now, even without a passion project in sight.

Hey friends. Welcome back to The Moms Without Capes [00:01:00] podcast, where we talk about reclaiming your sense of self. In the middle of motherhood. I'm Onnie licensed therapist, mom of six, and someone who knows firsthand how easy it is to get lost in the to-do list. I've been in that place where my entire life felt like running through a never ending list, kid drop-offs, appointments, meals, laundry, and at the end of the day I'd fall into bed and realize I hadn't actually done anything for me.

And for a long time I believe that meant I was failing at this whole finding my purpose thing, but I've learned something. Freeing purpose doesn't have to be just one big grand capital P passion. Sometimes the most meaningful lives are made of small, quiet moments, and that's what we're diving into today.

 So just earlier this afternoon, I attended my own therapy session and I was sharing with my counselor how I attended a leadership conference last week, and we were [00:02:00] talking about the speaker who I felt had most impact on me. I shared about having heard from John C.

Maxwell, who I've read multiple books by him. I think he's an amazing dude. He's like 78 years old. He writes a lot of books on leadership and his style is very down to earth and as I read his books, I'm like constantly writing down notes. It's just everything I wanna remember. Anyway, one of the things that he talked about was how our purpose equals our passion plus.

Talents and gifts. So John C. Maxwell writes with a faith background, so he was referring to like our spiritual gifts, and I've talked about this before on past episodes about how I was diving into our shape, which is spiritual gifts, passion, abilities, personality.

Identify our purpose. So John Maxwell, he went on to kind of a scaled down version of that, saying that our purpose equals our passion plus our gifts. I already know what my gifts. My [00:03:00] spiritual gifts are leadership and administration. I've done many quizzes, many, read a lot about this, and I can say with certainty that those are my two main gifts.

The problem is, and this is what I was sharing with my counselor, is that I don't know what my passion is. I don't have one big passion. You know, I see people especially who have started nonprofits and go all in, and I shared about how at one point I did feel like I was passionate about certain things.

For example, when I was in high school, I read a book on Covenant House, a. Program or they had they have a shelter. They have all of these services aimed at helping under 21 Runaways. And I read a book and I would send money to them. Like I felt passionate about changing the lives of these kids that I was reading about in the books and over the years.

I have felt passionate about different causes or different things, different, stories that I've heard and my heart goes out to certain people like, like, oh, what was that reader? I mean, not that reader. that, [00:04:00] different books that I couldn't even get through because my heartstrings were pulled so much.

And, um, I would say that. I would say that. It signifies that you know of a passion, but there was nothing that I felt so passionate about that I was ready to change my entire life for. And that is where my counselor and I kind of delved into today, because we've all heard it, find your passion and you'll never work a day in your life.

It sounds inspiring, but it can also feel like an enormous weight, especially in motherhood. Because many of us can barely finish a hot cup of coffee without interruption, let alone set aside hours for a soul searching journey. But passions aren't always these lifelong fixed identities.

They can be seasonal, they can be small, and they can even be temporary. Like my passion for Covenant House. In fact, the idea that there's one perfect passion out there waiting for you can be paralyzing. You might spend so much time looking for the thing, that you miss out on all the little [00:05:00] things that already bring you joy.

And when you're in a season of survival. Maybe you've got little ones, or you're caring for your aging parents like you might be in the sandwich generation, or your career is demanding every ounce of you. Expecting yourself to also find your passion can just add more pressure to an already heavy mental load.

So let's talk about the beauty of small meaning. We often underestimate how powerful it can be to just have little pockets of joy built into our days. Think about it. What are the moments in your week that make you smile without even thinking about it?

Maybe it's when you take that first sip of coffee in the quiet of the morning before anyone else is awake. Maybe it's the feeling of warm sun on your face during a short walk. Maybe it's laughing so hard with your kids that you snort out milk. These moments might not look impressive to the outside world.

They might not make for a, what's your passion elevator pitch. But they are the building blocks of a meaningful life. I have a sign in my room and. It's [00:06:00] from when I ran a half marathon with my husband the picture in the frame, it's a frame sign and in the picture is my husband and I all sweaty.

We're still wearing our race lanyards and I think we both are holding like a like a cup of bottle of water. You know, clearly we had just ran. Hard and all all my kids are, all our kids are in the picture with us and the frame, it says

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Now, running that 13.1 mile definitely took our breath away, but it was just this moment in time that I want to remember. This was a moment that took our breath away, both figuratively. And literally,

that was a time in my life, a season where I was passionate about fitness and about running. I was running almost every day.

So it was that moment or that season that I had that as a passion. But when we shift the focus from finding one big thing to noticing many [00:07:00] small things, we remove the pressure and open ourselves up to more gratitude, joy, and presence. And presence is what turns ordinary moments into meaningful ones.

So I wanna give you three ways to create meaning without a passion. Number one is to follow your curiosity instead of asking, what's my passion, which is exactly what I brought to my therapist today. This can feel like a question with way too much pressure. Ask What am I curious about today? Curiosity is lighter.

It's more playful. It doesn't demand commitment. If something sparks your interest, follow it for a little bit. That could be trying a new recipe, signing up for a pottery class, exploring a hiking trail, or even just going down a YouTube rabbit hole on a topic that you've never thought about before. Get curious because when we let curiosity lead.

We often stumble into joy, and sometimes over time those curiosities naturally grow into deeper interests. But even if [00:08:00] they don't, they still add richness to your life. The second is to redefine achievement. We live in a culture that measures success by what you produce or achieve, but in motherhood that can be exhausting because so much of what we do is invisible.

No one's giving you a medal. For folding 14 loads of laundry or getting everyone to school on time. So instead of tying your sense of worth to these big accomplishments, try Measuring success by how aligned your days feel with what matters to you. That can mean ending the day knowing that you were patient when your kid had a meltdown, or that you actually took a 15 minute break just for yourself, because these are victories worth celebrating.

Even if they're not getting posted on Instagram. And the third way to create meaning without this huge passion is to anchor in values and not hobbies. Your passion doesn't have to be a hobby or a career or even a side hustle. It can just be living in alignment with your values. Maybe kindness is a core value Then your meaning might [00:09:00] come from small acts of service. Maybe creativity matters to you, then meaning could be found in making a scrapbook for your family or just trying a new craft that you saw on Pinterest. When we identify our values and live by them, our lives naturally feel more purposeful, even if there's no one single thing that we devote ourselves to.

Now I've got something that you might not want to hear, but it's uber important, is that you need to give yourself permission to just be, we are human beings, not human doings. You don't have to be in a constant state of chasing, striving, or proving, but you've gotta give yourself permission. To not do motherhood already demands so much from you.

I mean, emotionally and physically and mentally, you do not have to add the pressure of figuring out your life's calling. On top of that, sometimes the season you're in isn't about building something. It's about tending to what's already there, and that's okay. You can let yourself rest [00:10:00] in the knowledge that your worth isn't tied to whether or not you have some passion project going on.

And ironically, when we take the pressure off, that's often when the space opens up for new interests, ideas, and yes, sometimes passions to naturally emerge. If you're listening to this and you're thinking. Okay, but where do I even start? Here are a few simple steps that you can try. The first one is to notice and name three small moments of joy.

Today I want you to write them down. You'll be surprised at how quickly your awareness shifts when you make a habit of this. Put it in a your notes app on your phone.

Attach it to a habit you're already doing. You brush your teeth, you write down your three small moments. It's just what you do. The second step that you can take today is to just try something new for just 15 minutes this week. When was the last time that you tried something new? No pressure, no strings attached.

You just got out there and tried it. And the third thing that you [00:11:00] can do is have one inspiring conversation with someone about what they're enjoying or exploring right now. Not to compare yourself, but to get ideas. Go to the Moms Without Capes Facebook community, get the conversation started. Hey, what are you doing?

That way you can get some ideas. These steps aren't about discovering a passion. They're about creating opportunities for small meaning to show up in your everyday life. Listen, motherhood can make it feel like your days are one long to-do list. You get to the end of the day and you still aren't finished.

But when you start sprinkling in these small moments of meaning, you give yourself breathing room and that's when you can start to feel like you again. One of the best ways to make space for yourself is to share the load at home mentally and physically, because when you're carrying everything, there's no room left for curiosity, joy, or even rest.

And that's why I created the Share the Load Guide. It's a simple, practical tool to help you redistribute tasks and free up time and energy for the [00:12:00] things that matter to you. I will go ahead and put the link in the show notes. You can go to moms without capes.com/share the load to grab your free guide.

Thanks for spending time with me today. Remember, you are 100% responsible for your life and the joy you bring to it.

Stop living on autopilot. Slow down. Check in with yourself and please, above all, take care of yourself, my friend, because you are worth it.