249 | Motherhood Without a Village: Simple Ways to Reclaim Connection and Joy

Ever feel like you're running on empty - with no sitter, no social life, and barely a moment to yourself? In this episode, we’re talking about how to find meaningful connection and spark joy even when time, help, and energy are in short supply. Whether you’re deep in the trenches or just feeling a little disconnected, this conversation will remind you that joy is still possible and connection is closer than you think.

✨ You’ll learn:

• What connection really looks like in this season
• How to stack joy into your already-full day
• Creative ways to build community without leaving the house
• One simple mindset shift that changes everything

To schedule a 15 minute consultation to see if therapy could help with your journey, go to www.momswithoutcapes.com/start (This is for moms who live in Montana ONLY)

Transcript

Lonely in Motherhood

[00:00:00] Motherhood is hard enough when everything is going right, but what about when you are completely touched out, exhausted, and you've got no babysitter, no social life, and barely enough time to brush your teeth? What do you do when you feel trapped in your own house running on fumes and wondering, is this it?

Is this what my life is now? Maybe you're scrolling through your phone while your kids destroy the living room, seeing friends out to brunch. Your mom's doing yoga in the park while their kids are playing peacefully in the background. And you can't help but think that must be nice, but you, you don't have a sitter.

You don't have nearby friends. And the time, what time, if it's not scheduled around. Nap, snacks, pickups, meltdowns, and bedtime routines. It's probably non-existent. If that's where you are right now, I want you to know 

I see you. And more importantly, there are still ways to feel alive, connected, and even joyful, even in this messy, [00:01:00] lonely season. Let's talk about it. Let's get creative and compassionate and find ways to reclaim a little light. Welcome back to Moms Without Cape's podcast.

I'm your host, Onnie. Licensed therapist, mom of six, and your biggest cheerleader on this journey to reclaiming your sense of self within motherhood. Today we're talking about what to do when your resources feel really limited. No babysitter, no friends nearby, no time for yourself, and how you can still find connection and joy even in that.

Let's just say it as it is. This season can feel isolating as hell. You might be physically surrounded by kids all day long, but still feel emotionally disconnected and what's worse. You feel guilty for even feeling that way because you're supposed to love being a mom, right? But the [00:02:00] truth of the matter is.

Is that you can love your children with all of your heart, yet still crave adult connection. You can be grateful to be home but still feel suffocated by the monotony and you can be present for your family and still feel lonely. Motherhood, especially in the early years or during major transitions, can feel incredibly lonely.

And what makes it harder is that society just doesn't prepare us for that. There's this image of moms with their playdate groups, their coffee outings, their mom's nights outs, but not every mom has that. Maybe you've moved, maybe your support system fell away. Maybe you're the first in your circle to have kids and you feel like nobody gets it.

And the cherry on top, if you don't have a sitter, you don't have the funds to go out or just straight up. You just don't have the energy. It feels like connection and joy are luxuries that you can't afford forward. But I'm here today to tell you that [00:03:00] they're not. They are necessities. And we're gonna talk about how to start inviting them back in without needing a village, a babysitter, or a free Saturday.

Let's start by redefining the goal, because when we think connection, we often think long heart to hearts with friends over lattes. When we think joy, we imagine vacation spa days, or at least a target run alone with Starbucks in hand. But what if we took all that pressure off and we just said that connection can be micro joy can be simple, presence can be enough.

I'm gonna give you some examples. So connection might look like just making eye contact and genuinely smiling at the cashier at the grocery store. You both feel seen. And that's what matters. It might be sending a meme to your best friend, even if you haven't had a full convo in months.

I've shared before, how a few summers ago I was [00:04:00] home visiting Pennsylvania and I was out with a few friends from high school. We usually manage to do that when I get to visit home and. We were all in a transitional part of our life.

We cooked up the idea of starting a book club. Now three of my friends still live, well, two of them in Pennsylvania, one in Delaware, one in Georgia, and then I live in Montana. So we weren't looking at a typical book club of we all meet up once a month and have drinks and. Talk about a book. We needed to structure it differently.

So we decided to do a Zoom call sometimes once a month, sometimes once every six weeks. I have this awesome app that we send around and we get the details of what time works for everyone and we meet up. So this has been a game changer for me. It has helped to reconnect me with my friends that I've had for more than half my life.

In between the times that we're talking and the times between when we meet, and I say it very lightly that we discuss the book [00:05:00] because we really just talk about the book for maybe five to 10 minutes and we just catch up on each other's lives the rest of the time. But. I've started corresponding with them with just funny memes.

We send each other reels or some things that are relevant or funny just to bring smiles to one another's faces, and when I get something in my inbox from one of them, it really does just make my day. Another example is, is just saying a warm hello to the mom that you always see at the playground, but have never spoken to.

She doesn't need to become your best friend. You can just say hello. I remember sitting on the bench when my oldest daughter was in kindergarten and there was another mom that we were just sitting on the bench together and I asked her, do you like to read?

I find that question to be. A great conversation opener because then we can discover if we have anything in common.

But simply saying hi can kick off a great conversation and allow you to feel seen and heard. What we're [00:06:00] talking about here is simply connecting and joy. This might look like sitting in your parked car for five extra minutes in silence before going inside where chaos erupts. It may mean just savoring a hot drink while your kids play,

You know, I love licorice tea. Ever since I quit drinking alcohol, I have taken up on tea drinking. Now I'm not a connoisseur. I just happen to find this black licorice tea at our local grocery store, and I live by it. . You might not like black licorice.

You gotta find your own tea, but this tea in particular it just soothes my system, and I can truly relax when I've got this warm cup of tea in my hands. Maybe it means singing to an old favorite song at full volume while doing the dishes. These small acts are real.

They're valid. They count. You don't have to wait for the stars to align to experience joy or [00:07:00] connection.

All right, let's talk about practicality, because if your day is full to the brim already, the idea of adding anything, even if it's something good, can feel like one more brick on your overloaded back. So instead of adding. Let's stack, and this means pairing connection or joy with something that you're already doing.

So for example, listening to podcasts while you're cleaning, let folding laundry or doing dishes, become you time, pop in earbuds and listen to something that fills you up. Comedy, inspiration, storytelling, whatever lights you up. If you have an Alexa in your house, and I'm sorry if I just set yours off by saying that word, I want you to start turning it on.

Listen to fun music, ask it to read you a story, tell you some jokes, or listen to that podcast,

pairing movement with purpose. Is another way to stack joy and connection. So can you stretch while your kids play on the floor? Can you dance around the kitchen while making [00:08:00] dinner? Can you do some squats or jumping jacks while you are waiting for the coffee to brew? Right? Movement, exuberates joy like it, it compounds.

It gets your blood pumping. And it is so good for your mental health. I also encourage you to take some creative timeouts instead of using your 10 minutes of quiet to scroll and feel worse. Try journaling One thing that made you smile today, it's small, but it retrains your brain to look for joy.

My favorite tip is to use voice notes. If you wanna connect with someone but can't have a real time convo, send them a quick voice memo. It's more intimate than a text and allows you to connect on your own time. You can use Marco Polo, or there's other apps that do that, the button and leave a voice memo. You can also do this in Facebook Messenger as well.

so the next thing I'm gonna mention. is for the moms who physically can't get out much. Maybe it's because of schedules, finances, or just sheer [00:09:00] exhaustion. You can still build connection without leaving the house. My first suggestion is that low pressure virtual book club.

who would you like to connect with? Maybe it's putting it just right in a Facebook group that you already belong to. Grab one or two other moms, pick a book and text each other as you go. it doesn't have to be deep, something that reminds you that you're more than just a snack machine. I've been in several book clubs over the years, but this one is definitely my favorite because it's. Being able to connect with my lifetime friends.

But you can pick any kind of genre or a variety of books and make it low pressure. Don't make it every Thursday we're gonna meet, or once you know, the third Thursday of the month we're gonna meet. Just plan it as you go.

So my other suggestion is to do co-care Zooms. And this might sound weird, but hear me out. You hop on Zoom with a friend, you fold laundry. She works on her to-do list. You don't even need to talk. You're just existing [00:10:00] side by side. And this can make a huge difference. It's like parallel play that we watch kids.

Do you know what I'm talking about? Where two kids would be in the sandbox playing, but. They aren't necessarily playing with one another. They're both building their own thing. This is parallel play. We can do this as an adult, co-working or co-care, and then don't underestimate how powerful consistent small interactions can be.

Smile at the same person on your walk every day. Say hi to the librarian. These little threads begin to weave connection. And if you're a part of a Facebook group, don't just scroll post. Don't be a troll, comment, engage, because even virtual connection counts.

Now, the final tip that I have for you today is the most important and I'm, I saved it for last for a reason. Because even when you feel like the most isolated mom in the world, there is one person who is always available [00:11:00] for connection. Do you know who that is? It's you. And I know that sounds like a line from a self-help book, but it's true.

So many moms say, I feel lost, but when I ask, when was the last time you checked in with yourself? They have no answer. This is one of the very first skills that when I am counseling mothers is checking in with yourself. Because we are so concerned with everybody else's needs that we rarely, if ever, take time to check in with ourselves.

So try writing down one thing that you're proud of each day, even if it's. Kept everyone alive. Ask yourself, what do I want to feel today? Not what you should feel, but what you want to feel. Look in the mirror and say something kind out loud. I know you're gonna feel silly, and that's okay. Noticing when something feels good and letting yourself stay.

In that moment for a beat longer can also help you reconnect with yourself. Because when [00:12:00] you start connecting with yourself, something shifts, you begin to hear your own voice again, your preferences, your passions, your humor, and your spark in. In order to know yourself, you need to spend time with yourself.

Yeah, that works the same in any relationship. It's how you got to know your spouse is you spent time with him. It's how you get to know your children. You spend time with them. How you get to know yourself is spending time with you, Connection starts there. 

Friend, you are worthy of joy. You are worthy of connection, and even in the hard seasons, even when things feel limited, you're not alone. If today's episode spoke to you, would you do me a favor? Head over to the mwc podcast.com. And leave a review. Your feedback helps other moms find the show, and it means the world to me to know that this podcast is making a difference.

Thanks for listening to this episode of Moms Without [00:13:00] Capes. Just remember that you are 100% responsible for your own life and for creating the joy you want to feel. Stop living on autopilot. Slow down. Check in with yourself and please above all. Take care of yourself because you, my friend, are worth it.

I'll see you next week.