250 | Five Signs You’ve Lost Yourself Under the Mom-Hat (And How to Start Finding You Again)

Do you ever feel like somewhere along the way, you stopped being you and became only “mom”? You’re not alone.

In this episode of the Moms Without Capes Podcast, we talk about the five signs that you may have lost yourself under the mom-hat and I offer gentle encouragement to start finding your way back.

If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, invisible, or unsure of who you are beyond motherhood, this conversation will help you see that it’s possible to reclaim your identity one small step at a time.

Click here to grab the Ultimate Self-Care Guide for Moms.

To schedule a 15 minute consultation to see if therapy could help with your journey, go to www.momswithoutcapes.com/start (This is for moms who live in Montana ONLY)

Transcript

Signs youve lost yourself

[00:00:00] Have you ever found yourself standing in the kitchen, staring at the sink full of dishes and thinking, is this really all there is to me now? Maybe you catch yourself scrolling, social media, watching other women talk about their hobbies, their passions, their careers, and you wonder what happened to me?

When did I stop being me? Or maybe you've even said it aloud. I don't even know who I am anymore. And it scared you because you remember a time when you did. The thing is, is that motherhood has a way of slowly, quietly wrapping around us until one day we realize that we are hidden under layers of responsibilities, expectations, and busyness.

And while being a mom is one of the most important and meaningful roles that we will ever have, it was never meant to erase who we are as women. I know this feeling well as a mom of six. I've walked through seasons where my identity was just swallowed up by my mom hat. I [00:01:00] stopped dreaming for myself. I stopped making time for me.

I felt resentful, exhausted, and invisible. If that's hitting a little too close to home, stay with me. Because in this episode, we're gonna walk through five clear signs that you may have lost yourself under your mom hat. And not just that, I'm gonna give you some simple, doable steps that you can take to start finding your way back to you.

So welcome to the Moms with that Capes podcast. I'm your host, onnie, and around here, we believe that moms are more than moms. That we are whole, complex worthy women who deserve care, rest, and joy, right alongside the people that we love. So if you've been feeling like you've lost yourself in motherhood, know that you're not alone.

Let's talk about how to recognize it and what to do about it. So one of the first ways that [00:02:00] you know that you may have lost yourself is when someone asks. So what do you like to do for fun? And you draw a complete blank. your mind goes straight to laundry, carpools, cooking, grocery shopping, and suddenly you realize that everything you do is for someone else.

The fact is that before kids, you probably had hobbies, passions, and interests. Maybe you love to paint or hike or read novels for hours, but now those things feel like they belong to a whole, like a whole other life. Here's your mini step. Don't pressure yourself to overhaul your life. Just sprinkle in something small.

Pick up a book that you used to love, even if you can only read it for 10 minutes at a time. Play a song that you dance to in college or that reminds you of your teenage life. Write in a journal for just five minutes. You don't have to sit down and write for 30 minutes. Flat five minutes can help create that shift.

It's less about the activity itself and more about you telling your brain, I'm still here. I [00:03:00] still exist. Another sign. Is when your whole self, like your whole sense of self is wrapped up in being so and so's mom. Like for example, I'm Gianna's mom. If that's all I felt that I was, that means that I've probably lost myself.

Don't get me wrong, being a mom is powerful and beautiful. But when you introduce yourself only through your kids or when your entire mood depends on whether your kid is thriving or struggling, that's a red flag that you have lost touch with the woman beneath the role. So to help you untie your identity from your kids, I want you to try introducing yourself with something other than motherhood when you meet someone new for the next time.

Instead of saying, oh, I'm Julie's mom. Say, instead, I love paddle boarding, or I'm learning Italian, or I'm a therapist. That's what I say. Start owning parts of your identity that don't hinge on your kids. You'll be surprised at how [00:04:00] empowering that feels. Sign number three. If self care feels like a foreign concept, if the idea of doing something for yourself makes you feel guilty or if you honestly can't remember the last time you did anything just for you, you've probably lost yourself under the mom hat we've talked about this time and again, self-care is not selfish.

It's survival like we need self-care in order to survive. It's what allows you to show up as the best version of yourself for your family. And I'm not talking like when we talk about self-care, we're not talking about spa days or fancy trips. I mean 15 minutes where you say, this time belongs to me.

Maybe it's sitting outside with your coffee, maybe it's moving your body, or maybe it's painting your nails. I am gonna challenge you to claim one pocket of time this week that is non-negotiable. Write it on the calendar like you would a doctor's appointment and protect it fiercely.

Sign number four, you've lost [00:05:00] connection in your relationships. If the only conversations you have with your spouse, your partner, or your friends revolve around your kids. It is time to do something about that. You used to share dreams and fears, silly inside jokes, but now it's who's picking up from soccer and what's for dinner?

When your whole relational life gets filtered through motherhood, it's easy to feel lonely even when you're in a crowded house. So the next time you talk with someone close to you, share one thing about yourself that has nothing to do with being a mom. Tell them about a dream that you have. Share something funny that you saw.

Let them see you as a woman and not just the family manager. And sign number five. This one hits hard. If overwhelm is your constant companion or resentment creeps in because you're carrying the invisible load alone. That's a sign that you've lost yourself when every ounce of energy goes to others and there's nothing left for you.

Over time, this builds up as [00:06:00] frustration, resentment, bitterness. So I want you to notice when you're over functioning, are you doing everything yourself because it feels easier or because you don't trust anyone else to do it right This week? Delegate a task, just one task. Hand off the laundry. Ask your partner to handle dinner.

Let your kid take on some more responsibility. Delegating is not a weakness. It's actually wisdom. So if you resonated with any of these signs, let me remind you that this doesn't mean that you're failing. It doesn't mean that you're a bad mom. It simply means that you've been giving so much. That you forgot to pour into yourself.

The beautiful news is that you can start to change that today. Finding yourself again doesn't require a complete life overhaul. It's about small, intentional steps that remind you that you are more than a mom. All right. I'm gonna give you a quick recap of these five signs and then we're gonna wrap up for today.

You don't [00:07:00] remember what you enjoy anymore. Your identity is completely tied to your kids. Self-care feels like a foreign concept. You've lost connection in your relationships. You feel constantly overwhelmed or resentful. So if any of these felt familiar, take it as a gentle nudge. Start with one step and choose yourself in one small way today.

And if you're ready for more guidance, I've created a free resource just for you, the Ultimate Self-Care Guide for Moms. It's packed with practical, doable ideas to help you carve out space for yourself, even in the middle of busy mom life. I will put the link to it in the show notes, and hey, if this episode spoke to you, share it with a friend.

Remember, motherhood is a part of you, but it's not the whole of you. You are worthy, you are valuable, and you are more than a mom. It's time to start living like it. Thank you for listening to this episode. Remember, you are 100% [00:08:00] responsible for your life. And for the joy you want to feel,

stop living on autopilot. Slow down, check in with yourself, and finally, take care of yourself because you, my friend. Are so very worth it.