255: Letting Faith Heal the Wounds of Perfectionism and Pain with Pamela Ann Good

In this powerful and deeply moving episode, we sits down with Pamela Good, author of He Never Let Go, to explore her journey from emotional survival to true freedom in Christ. Pamela grew up navigating life with a mother who lived with paranoid schizophrenia, and for decades she relied on perfectionism, self-reliance, and “holding it all together” just to make it through.

But everything changed when she hit rock bottom and finally surrendered her pain, her story, and her past to God.

This episode is for any mom who feels emotionally exhausted, spiritually distant, or weighed down by the pressure to be strong all the time. Pamela’s story is a beautiful reminder that no matter how far you’ve fallen or how broken you feel—God has never let go.

Learn more about Pamela at her website: http://pamelawaggonergood.com

To schedule a 15 minute consultation to see if therapy could help with your journey, go to www.momswithoutcapes.com/start (This is for moms who live in Montana ONLY)

Transcript

Intro to Pamela

[00:00:00] Welcome back to The Moms Without Capes podcast, where we talk about what it means to rediscover who you are beyond motherhood In today's episode. I'm sitting down with Pamela, good author of He Never Let Go, A deeply moving memoir about resilience, redemption, and the unfailing love of God. Pamela shares her story of growing up with a mother who lived with paranoid schizophrenia, the years she spent striving to hold everything together through perfectionism and self-reliance, and how she eventually found healing and freedom in Christ.

Our conversation dives into what it looks like to move from simply surviving to truly thriving even after decades of pain, shame, or emotional exhaustion. Pamela talks about how faith guided her through forgiveness, how she learned to let go of old wounds, and how moms can begin to rest in God's love rather than their [00:01:00] own strength.

If you've ever felt like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Or that slowing down means that you're failing. This episode is gonna speak straight to your heart, so grab your coffee, take a deep breath, and join us for this beautiful reminder that no matter how far you've fallen or how broken you feel, God has never let go.

This is Moms without Capes. 

onnie: Welcome to the show, Pamela. How you doing? How you doing? 

pamala: I'm doing fabulous. Thank you for asking and I'm doing fabulous. Thank you for asking and I'm excited to talk with you. 

onnie: Good. Good. So let's just jump right in and if you could share with our listeners a little bit about yourself and how you got to be where you are today. 

pamala: Ooh, that's a big journey. It gets very detailed in my book, but briefly, I was a child, three or 4-year-old child learning to navigate life with [00:02:00] a beautiful mind mother like Russell Crowe in that movie who was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.

And my dad, who was distraught and didn't know how to handle this back in the fifties So it was very chaotic, very chaotic. we learned how to survive and I felt. Most of my life, that's what I was doing was surviving.

Not really living, but when you're at that age, you don't know how different it is, and so you just keep moving along. Right? when I look back, I realized where God placed beautiful people in my life that helped me move along. And my dad was very strong. He wasn't about to let our family be split up, even though he didn't know how to handle this.

And my grandma was living across the street from us, so. We had his friends and his family try to step in a little bit when we were very small to help us, so life went on. I met Jesus twice. Once when I was nine at a Bible camp, then you come back and you [00:03:00] still try to survive in life. And once again, when I was around 48 years old and so there was a big gap in there.

Even though I believed in him, I wasn't a follower. And I just, I've always survived. So I can do this life. I know how to do this and I was gonna be the best mom, the best wife mother, but. I never saw that, so I don't really know what that looked like. And I didn't really know what other people experienced in their life.

because kids were not allowed at our house. And I understand. so what I did to survive was, I found I was a good athlete, I constantly was doing sports, working and just studied, and I just threw myself into that and God put wonderful. I had boyfriends. I didn't have a lot of girlfriends, but he put their families in my life as I realized when I looked back, they were my family.

I grasp onto them as my family and I still feel they were my family, same with my husband. He has a beautiful family. Even though [00:04:00] we're no longer married, they still are my family. as time went on, I hit rock bottom. Just rock bottom 'cause you can't do it alone.

Those strongholds, the ruler of darkness has on you will always be there. I found I couldn't pull myself up anymore. I needed help, and I found Jesus the second time at the bottom of my rope. it just started from there, my healing and my journey with Christ, and it went on.

And now I'm living life and thriving, not surviving. 

onnie: Tell me about your book. That he never let go. 

pamala: I would go to bible groups and people would ask me to share my story. All I could do was cry. I just, I couldn't do it.

And finally, one day, interesting enough, he took me back to where I grew up. And my, my family was very worried about that 'cause it was a dark time back where I grew up. But God has a sense of humor and he knows what he's doing and I start healing and I went to a testimony of a lot of ladies and I [00:05:00] just was overwhelmed with this feeling.

Kept coming to me. This is what you do, Pam. You go share your story. You share how I came alongside of you and how I was always there. You write. Your childhood, you write your hurts your wounds and move forward with this. And it just took me another probably, oh my goodness, six years before I even moved on it.

I started going to a different church. 'cause I moved, I started journaling and every time I sat down to journal. I could only journal 'em like maybe 20 minutes because memories started flooding and I would just start bawling and going, oh my gosh, I forgot about that, and this and that. And so I did a lot of journaling and then I got serious and decided it was time to write it and I got some people to help me 'cause I was always in special reading classes.

Couldn't read very good. Couldn't write very good. I knew what I wanted to say, but I needed help. 

so I thought, okay, if this is really what you [00:06:00] want me to do, and I still was struggling with it, but it took nine years to walk that journey.

onnie: Wow. 

pamala: I know. you know, my, two of my siblings never would discuss this, and I had to call them and ask them questions. my other people that were helping me said, can we interview them? And I said, I don't know. I'll ask them. 

And they let them interview them and I got to hear. How they felt and what they experienced.

'cause it's not the same. We all feel trauma different. But it, I learned their stories as an adult and they learned my stories and as an adult. And it was beautiful actually, even though I did not realize how hard it would be and how hurtful to try to move those strongholds outta me and open those layers of hurt I thought, you know, I gotta do this. This is the only way I am gonna be free of this. so that's how my book started and I was, I just felt a couple times I thought, oh, I just don't think I should be doing this. And I asked my [00:07:00] brother once and he says, Pam, if you feel it, continue doing it. And I listened to a tape once that said by Joyce Meyer.

It was about you gotta have a dream. And in it she said, if only you and God believe this, then you do it. Because I did have a lot of naysayers and eye rollers and, oh, are you really gonna finish this? Or I think you should get someone else to help you. And it was hard, you know? 

onnie: Yeah. And I'm sure like with the nine years like that, it was taking so long to do that.

pamala: But there was a reason I finally learned about after four years, it's God's timing. 

And even Joyce says he preps you. You're not ready yet. You're not ready yet. And he was getting me ready. One of the most important things in the book didn't get put in the book, but in the conclusion, 'cause it happened at the very end, right before I published, and it was One of the most significant pieces of the journey and what happened because I forgave someone. Yeah. And it made me realize god's time. He was prepping me. 

onnie: [00:08:00] Absolutely. So telling your story and writing your story allowed you to heal. 

pamala: to have some 

And I thought I was on, I thought I was already healing and I was, but it helped my siblings and I heal. It helped me realize what John 10, 10 means because when you have those triggers, they still grab you and you still get angry and you still get offended and hurt.

And once I learned that verse. I'm not offended by my siblings anymore or people in my life I know I'm a child of God. And it helped me understand all that with all the messages. Like I said, God was working with me as I was writing it. ' cause I wasn't ready to have it done in two years. I had a lot of journey yet to go. I had a lot of journey yet to go.

onnie: Yeah, yeah. yeah. Did it bring you and your siblings closer? 

Giving that perspective and learning what it was like for them. 

pamala: It did. every time I'd ask them a question, we had four different answers. And it's normal for people who've been through trauma.

Right. Right. I go, what? You felt that? I don't remember that. Yes, you were there. No, I wasn't. And so even in the book it says, some of this [00:09:00] is brought in from my older brother 'cause he was much older and I don't remember those things when I was like three years old. Right, I remember this and my siblings remember that.

And we still have those triggers, unfortunately. You've got to let go of them all or there's still gonna be some issues. And so our, our sibling connection isn't all perfect, but I make sure I see every one of them and I connect with them more than I ever did. 

onnie: How about your children and your grandchildren?

Have any of them read your memoir? 

pamala: My grandchildren might one day they're only, they're 14, 12, and the little one's eight. 

But no, and I, I actually uh, conferred with them on a few things. ' ' 'cause my goal wasn't to point fingers at my stepmom or at the guy that broke my heart or at my ex-husband.

It just was what I was feeling in the journey and how. Because I was broken and I refused to believe I was broken until I was like 50 something years old [00:10:00] I couldn't heal until I admitted I was broken and I had to be okay to tell the world I was broken, I don't think I conferred with them 'cause I didn't want to hurt them, but I needed to share how I felt about it and talk with them about it.

And so, no, my daughter-in-law's read it, but not my daughter or son. And I hope they do one day and I hope my grandkids do one day. 

onnie: Yeah. It's a legacy that you left. 

pamala: It is, and my little granddaughter seems to think she wants to be an author. Not so much by me. More by Harry Potter. 

onnie: Okay. 

pamala: But, but she thinks it's cool.

I have a book marker and that I have a book. Yeah. 

onnie: Inspired by JK Rowling, not necessarily grandma. 

pamala: Yeah, I know. But I want them to know where all that came from and my mom that she was a beautiful mind person, not just a sick person. 

onnie: And I'm sure others who have grown up with a mom. Who has schizophrenia, A paranoid schizophrenia may relate or may find some comfort in knowing that they weren't alone, [00:11:00] even though their experience is likely very different.

pamala: Yeah. My cousin has taken care of her brother, who's only a year than me or two, and he's had bipolar, so we've had some similar Okay. You know, similar experiences and we can talk and laugh and relate, but I didn't understand the end of it till I was doing my book and started doing research, So I understand so much more about it now. 

onnie: Yeah, growing up with a parent with a mental illness is very challenging.

How has like self, inner child healing or compassion, what kind of role has that played 

pamala: I had a root, a rejection in me, really deep. That's the one thing I had to get outta me  I had, I went to a retreat and I just felt I had one more thing to do. At that retreat on the very last day, I realized I needed to let that little 4-year-old girl let go of my leg and I needed to give her to Jesus to take her back to be with mom and dad.

She needs her mom and [00:12:00] dad and I no longer can have her dragging on me. That was monumental, but it took me a long time to get there. It wasn't an overnight thing, and once I did, I felt very free, and so I understood things so much better and I even had my mom move back out when I took care of her for a while because I understood it better and it have love and kindness and I feel people need to meet.

Those mentally ill people where they're at now, sometimes they can be dangerous. That's why they move My mom out, took her away in a cop car when I was 12, but my heart always broke for her and when I wanted to move her out, when I was older and had kids, 'cause I couldn't keep running back to check on her in California, she tried killing herself and I talked it over with my husband and said I need to have her out here to help her.

So my compassion was there because now as a mom, I thought, how horrific for a mom not [00:13:00] to be able to raise her kids and watch them grow, watch them go through high grade school and junior high school, and graduate and be married at their weddings and have kids. None of that. She didn't experience any of that.

Yeah. And so when we, 

onnie: she have empathy for her experience. 

pamala: Big time. Yeah. 'cause my brother said, what are we gonna do? We don't know how to treat her like a mom. I says, you're right. She wasn't our mom. Mom. She still is. But now she's gonna be our kids' grandma. And she gets to experience them and enjoy them at their little age and watch them grow up.

So yes. 

onnie: Yeah. How has your definition of strength has changed from like back, you know, you said your first 47 years, like relying on yourself and trying to figure it out yourself versus allowing. God to take care of you. 

pamala: Well, I know I am a hundred times stronger with Jesus by my side. I do know that. And the verse Philippians four [00:14:00] 13, I learned one of the very first verses when I started to heal.

I went back to school at the age of 50, I was a correctional officer at a man's. Prison and I knew I could do it 'cause God was there for me. But then I went back to school, became a surgical tech at age 50, then I moved to my hometown and just knew that he had me, he had to have me.

But it was terrifying sometimes. And I used that verse, Philippians four 13. I couldn't do all. Things through Christ who strengthens me, not me, who He strengthens me, and he gave me not a spirit of. Fear, but of power, self-control and love. So I use those verses constantly. And believe you me, when I was in a surgery for eight hours, stress to the max, I would say those over and over again.

So yes, he is my strength. And my son said, mom, he has you on your right side. He's got you, hang on. And that's what I say, he told me to get up when I wanted to tap outta [00:15:00] life. And he will show me the life he created me for, and he did. And I'm just thriving with it now. 

onnie: Yeah.

So for the mom listening who feels like emotionally drained, spiritually distant, and unsure where to begin, what are some small steps that she can take to start healing and finding peace? 

pamala: So what a pastor told me right after I wanted to tap outta life, he told me a. When you're on your bedroom floor and you just exhausted and tired and don't think you can do another day or worthy, he said, be still, which is extremely hard for me.

And he said, know that Jesus is right there on the floor with you and he will help you. Just give it to him. Trust him. And it didn't happen overnight. I had to do that several times, and little by little I became stronger. I, listened to messages that spoke right to me. I list, I read scripture. I feel my head with those things.

I just have to read my scripture, I have to turn [00:16:00] to that. I love worship songs. Like Lauren Dangle, what she, you know, God says about us is true. I, yeah, I have it right above my bed in a poster and I would listen to it over and over and the goodness of God's song.

And when you think of it, there's a song called I'm Yours and I am loved. I. You know, forgiven. I'm strong, I'm beautiful. I'm seen, I'm heard. I'm not all my mistakes and regrets, and I have to keep telling myself that over and over again. And I try to keep that in my head and I try to rebuke Satan in Jesus' name when I start hearing these things and 

onnie: Pamela, what the signs that you might be slipping back into survival mode versus thriving mode? 

pamala: happens, um, those voices that come into your head, like, like, I'm questioning I, these last couple days, I had a part-time job I'm not doing, I had a job I had, so now I have no job.

And I'm just like, Am I supposed to be doing this? [00:17:00] Did I overstep this? Did I not hear you right? God, am I, should I move and go live with my son? Son? 

onnie: Shoulds. All 

pamala: the shoulds. Yes. Yes. And did I hear you right? And you know, I have to remember that's Satan in my head. That's not God questioning me.

That's Satan and the, the ruler of darkness. And you have to get him outta your head. He had 50 years or 55 years of my life, he ruled over those strongholds and they are not voices from God. And I'm just gonna tell you. You said you would ask me later about a book that mm-hmm. I would recommend my book 'cause there's many messages in there he never let go.

But the book that turned my life as well is Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer. Because I did realize those voices were all strongholds and dark voices coming from Satan. I did not know that my whole life. I just thought that was me. 

onnie: Yeah. 

pamala: So, 

onnie: yeah. So that book helped you separate, the [00:18:00] voices of Satan from what your own voice is?

pamala: Yes, and I would come home very distraught and distressed when after a night surgery, you know, thinking, did I not do good enough? Wasn't I good enough to do that? Did I not do the best job? And I just went right to that book and started reading to go to sleep on that and not.

Those other voices. 

onnie: your story is such a powerful reminder of like, that he never, lets go, right? 

pamala: Yeah. 

onnie: What do you hope that women walk away from this episode believing about themselves and about God? 

pamala: I hope they would be able to envision the liberation of their spirit and the life they could experience by confronting and addressing those traumas, those wounds, those hurts, and those voices that are giving them negative thought and given them to Jesus because.

Imagine the transformation that can happen to you actually really living life [00:19:00] well, and the life God created for you as opposed to just surviving. And I'm getting ready after I talk to you to go catch an airplane, to go to an A book award because I won the memoir of the transformative story.

onnie: Congratulations. 

pamala: So. It can happen. Yeah. Because I've had people that have read my book that know me now. And then they read my book and they said, I would've never thought you were that little girl. And then I've had people that knew me before I transformed then look at me now going, oh my gosh, I can't believe this.

No wonder those things were all that was going on, which they had no idea. 'cause I didn't share 'em. So yes, you can transform into something that God created for you. 

onnie: Yeah, that's a great message. That's That's a 

pamala: great message. Yeah. You can, have resilience, persevere. And I like the word grit because without your struggles, you don't fly without your sins.

Who are you? You know? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I have this thing someone gave me once that [00:20:00] I think is so powerful. It says, someone I loved once gave me a. Box full of darkness. It took me years to understand this too, was a gift. 

onnie: Yeah. 

pamala: So I look at those and my past as a gift because now I can really, I can resonate with so many people.

' cause after I not 

onnie: darkness, there's not light. Right. 

pamala: That's right. And, and you grow. And when I spoke to Mom Cos and I spoke to 55 Plus the mom cos they were just so emotional 'cause it resonated with them, right? 

And the 55 plus comes up to me and goes, that's my story. I have a story like that.

So they learn. Like my brother, he would never speak of it. My older brother now, he shares it and he can open. He 

onnie: gave others permission? 

pamala: Yes. 

onnie: He gave others 

pamala: permission 

onnie: to lean into their story. 

pamala: Yes. Because you can be free that way, otherwise you're just, you know, the darkness is there. So, 

onnie: absolutely.

Okay, so I'm gonna change, I'm gonna change directions for a second. 

pamala: Okay. 

onnie: What do you do for fun? 

pamala: Ooh, what do I do for fun? Anything [00:21:00] that's. Active, like, when I was trying to work through my, my hurts and figure out what to do with life, I was in a boxing bout, for a fundraiser. I jumped out of an airplane.

I did, I don't, I thought, oh, that, this will clear my head. I'll figure out what I'm doing. I'm, yeah, no, it didn't happen. I just got nauseous on the way down. But I love sports. did pitons triathlons. I love doing pickleball now, riding my bike. 'cause when I'm out riding my bike or hiking or walking, that kind of clears my head and I hear God better.

And so I love doing all those things and spend time with my awesome four grandchildren and going and watching their sports. Love it. 

onnie: Love it. 

pamala: Yeah. Where 

onnie: can, where can listeners find you, Pamela? 

pamala: Okay. Pamela Wagner good.com. 

onnie: And you don't have to spell it.

Everything will be in the show notes. 

pamala: Okay? Yeah. And there is a QR code on there that links you right to the publisher And, you can find my book it on [00:22:00] Amazon and you can find it on Barnes and Noble. You can find it just about any bookstore because my publisher is worldwide, it associates with many bookstores.

And so any bookstore you pretty much go into like ology, anything, they'll have it. Yeah. 

onnie: Awesome. So yeah, so all listeners, go check out Pamela's book. 

Well, 

pamala: Well, thank you for having me.  

Speaker: What a powerful and hopeful filled conversation this was. Pamela's story is such a reminder that healing isn't about having a perfect past or getting everything right. It's about surrendering, forgiving, and letting God meet you right where you are. If Pamela's Message spoke to you today, I encourage you to check out her book.

He never let go. Her links can be found in the show notes of this episode. And as always, thank you so much for tuning in to the Moms Without Capes podcast. If you found encouragement or comfort in this episode, please take a moment to leave a review. It [00:23:00] helps other moms like you find the show and reminds me that these conversations are making a difference.

Until next time. Remember, you are 100% responsible for your own life and for creating the joy that you want to feel. Stop living on autopilot. Slow down. Check in with yourself and please, above all, take care of yourself because you, my friend, are worth it.