258 | Therapy Myths Every Mom Needs to Unlearn

Have you ever thought about going to therapy but told yourself, “I’m not that bad off” or “What if my therapist judges me?” So many moms carry misconceptions about what therapy really is.

In this episode, Onnie Michalsky, licensed therapist and founder of Moms Without Capes, debunks the most common myths that keep moms from seeking help. From the belief that therapy is only for people in crisis to fears about cost, time, and judgment, Onnie breaks down the truth with honesty, warmth, and humor.

If you’ve ever wondered whether therapy could help you feel more grounded, peaceful, and confident in motherhood, this episode will show you that asking for support isn’t selfish. It’s brave.

Transcript

258 Myths of Therapy

[00:00:00] Have you ever thought about going to therapy but then caught yourself thinking, I'm not that bad off, or maybe I wouldn't even know what to say, or my personal favorite. What if my therapist thinks I am crazy friend? If any of that sounds familiar, you're not alone. So many moms tell me that they've thought about therapy for months.

Even years before ever making that first call, and I get it, there are a lot of myths floating around about what therapy is, who's it for, and what actually happens once you're sitting on that couch or zoom call. But the truth is, therapy isn't just for people in crisis, it's for anyone. Who's ready to stop carrying the mental load alone?

Today we're gonna bust five of the biggest myths about therapy that keep moms from getting the support they deserve. And by the end of this episode, I hope that you'll see therapy not as a last resort, but as one of the most empowering acts of [00:01:00] self-care that you can do for yourself and for your family.

Welcome to The Moms Without Capes podcast. I'm your host, Onnie Michalsky, a licensed therapist mom of six, and a recovering super mom. I help women who feel overwhelmed and lost in motherhood reclaim their sense of self because you are so much more than a mom. If you've been curious about therapy, but something's been holding you back, then this episode is for you.

This is Moms Without Capes. Myth number one. Therapy is only for people with big problems. This one's a classic. When I tell people I'm a therapist, I can almost see the gears turning like they're mentally skinning their life for trauma. That's big enough to qualify, you don't need to hit rock bottom to benefit from therapy, in my opinion.

I think everyone should go to therapy, even if it's just for a season of their life, [00:02:00] because therapy isn't just about fixing what's broken. It's about building what's possible. It's a space to get curious about your thoughts, your habits, and your patterns so that you can show up as the woman that you wanna be.

Not just reacting to life as it happens, it kind of puts you back in control of your own life. Maybe you're constantly anxious, overthinking every little decision. Maybe you're snapping at your kids more than you'd like, or maybe you just feel off, not yourself. Therapy helps you name what's going on underneath the surface before it becomes a crisis.

Think of it like a tuneup for your mental health. You don't wait for your car engine to explode before you change the oil, right? Therapy works pretty much the same way, so if you've ever thought my problems aren't bad enough, I want you to reframe that. You're allowed to get support simply because you want to feel better, and that's enough.

Myth number two. Therapy is too expensive. All right, let's talk about the [00:03:00] elephant in the room. Money. Yeah. Therapy is an investment, but so are all the things that we do to make life manageable. The coffee runs the Amazon necessities. The kids activities, the target trips that somehow cost $200 when you only need a toothpaste.

Been there. We invest in the people we love all the time. Therapy is about investing in you, the one holding everything together. Now, I know that affordability is real. Many therapists, myself included, accept insurance. Some even offer sliding scale options. And what sliding scale means is that based on your income, there are therapists who are willing to slide their costs down.

There's also community clinics, virtual counseling services and programs that make therapy more accessible. Maybe it's doing counseling with an intern or a candidate, which means somebody who has already done the education OR is close to being finished with their education piece, but has [00:04:00] not went through the full process of becoming licensed yet.

They're typically working under the supervision of a licensed clinician. This year I have an intern and she's seeing clients anywhere from $5 a session to $50 a session. I coach her and help her along the way. I'm right in there helping with the notes, guiding her as she works on doing treatment goals, writing progress notes.

Helping her clients heal from trauma. The local college might offer counselors at low cost or even free to allow their students to get the experience, and all of them are working under licensed therapists. beyond the cost, you'll need to think about value. What's it worth to have fewer anxious nights, more patience with your kids, and just more peace within your mind?

You wouldn't think twice about paying for a physical trainer if you wanted to strengthen your body, alright? Maybe you would. therapy is training for your [00:05:00] mind and heart and the returns ripple through your whole family. Healing yourself. When you are actively working on growing yourself, your family is gonna benefit.

Myth number three, my therapist will judge me. This one keeps so many moms from opening up. I can't tell you how often I hear someone say, I was so nervous to tell you that. You're gonna think I'm a terrible mom, and every single time I remind them that my job is not to judge. My job is to understand. Like, trust me, I know you judge yourself enough.

I do not need to judge you. That's God's job. My job is simply to understand and to validate your experience. Therapists are trained to create a safe. Nonjudgmental space where you can be fully honest, maybe for the first time in a long time because you probably can't tell your partner how resentful you feel when they forget to help with bedtime.

Again, you can't tell your mom that sometimes you wanna run away for a week and not hear the word mom once, and [00:06:00] your friends, they mean well. But they might jump straight to advice or at least. At least your kid doesn't do this. At least you didn't do that, right? Sound familiar? In therapy, you get to bring all of it, the anger, guilt, confusion, exhaustion, and we unpack it together.

Without shame, we might look at that shame and see where's it coming from? What can we do with it? What do you need? That's my biggest question that I ask my clients is, what do you need? Let's figure out how to get that. Your therapist probably gets it more than you think.

When my clients share something that they've never really even said out loud more times than not. I get it. I've been there. I might not know exactly how they feel, but I have a pretty good idea, but I wanna explore it. What did you feel? How did that experience impact you? Most of us become therapists because we've been there too.

Maybe not in your exact situation, but we know what it feels like to struggle, [00:07:00] to want more, and to not know where to start. Myth number four, therapy takes years. Yes. The idea that once you start therapy, you're signing up for a lifetime membership. This isn't true. Therapy doesn't have to take years.

So I have one person on my caseload who I've been seeing for five years. In fact, it's not a mom because I started moms with the ca uh, capes in 2020. I I was seeing this client since I think the end of 2019 actually. And he just stuck around, right? Like. Yes, because I specialize in helping moms, doesn't mean that I can't help other people, and he was totally just willing to continue along with me as his counselor.

That is the only client I have who I've seen for more than two years. Most of my clients I see for maybe on average eight, nine months, some shorter, some longer, while some people stay in therapy long term because they love the growth and the accountability.

Others come for a specific issue, whether it's to work through their anxiety, their [00:08:00] grief, maybe to strengthen their boundaries, and they work through it in a set number of sessions. In my practice, we talk about your goals right from the start, like very first session, I'm in there and I'm like, what? I am very goal oriented.

If you've been following me for a while, you might know this, but from the very first session I say, what do you want your life to look like six months from now? How will you know that therapy is working? We set those goals right from the start so that we have a target. What are we aiming for? I don't want you just to come into the sessions and vent.

I need you to be taking action and to be creating those changes so that we can get closer to those goals. Maybe you wanna feel less anxious, communicate better with your partner, or stop putting yourself last. Together we build that roadmap. I talk about what are the interventions that need to come into the sessions.

And into our work together so that you can get to those target goals. The goal isn't to need therapy forever. It's kind of like motherhood, right? Like I'm working [00:09:00] myself out of a job, I'm raising my children so that they can be self-sufficient. Same thing happens in therapy. I don't want you to need therapy forever.

I want you to get the tools so that you can handle life's ups and downs with confidence and.

Go on with your life. If you need a booster session down the road, you can come back. I've had clients do that too. Something happens in their life and they're like, they kind of panic, call me up and say, can I just come in for a session? They come in, I remind them of what tools they have put in their toolbox.

We talk about how we can apply it, and they're good to go. think of therapy like learning how to ride a bike. Once you've got the balance, you might still check in once in a while for a tuneup, but you are the one steering.

And then myth number five, talking about it won't change anything. When you're used to doing all of the things, sitting and talking about your life might feel pointless. But the thing is, is that insight changes everything. [00:10:00] Sometimes my clients will say things in session and the look on their face is everything.

They're like, I've never said that out loud. Right? Saying things out loud gives you a completely different, perspective. When you talk things out with a trained therapist, you're not just venting, you're rewiring how your brain responds to stress. You're learning to pause before responding, 

you learn to notice your thoughts instead of getting swept up in them, and then you learn to challenge that inner critic instead of believing every word that she says. Therapy helps you see patterns that were invisible before. And once you see them, you can finally change them because as you know, awareness is key.

If you're not aware of the thoughts or the patterns, you're not gonna know how to change them. So therapy allows you to slow down the process so you can see what. What are those thoughts? What are the emotions that those thoughts are creating? What are the beliefs that those thoughts are based on?

And then you can start shifting and challenging those beliefs. It's not just talking. It's [00:11:00] deep, intentional work that builds resilience, it, clarity, and peace. So how do you find the right therapist for you? You call me of course. No, I'm totally joking. If you've been thinking about therapy but you don't know where to start, here are a few quick tips.

One, get clear on what you want. Are you looking for help with anxiety, boundaries, drama, self-discovery? Like once you know your focus, you can narrow your search. If you just put in counselors near me. In to Google, you are gonna get so many different results. Maybe if you're in a small town, not so much.

But nowadays we can do telehealth. So I am licensed in the state of Montana, but I don't have to stick with seeing clients just in my town. Now, of course, I see inpatient in-person clients in my office, but I also have clients from across the state. If you are putting counselors in my state or counselors near me into Google, you're gonna get a [00:12:00] whole realm, like a whole pages of counselors.

So it would really help if you just took a few minutes to just assess what it is that you want. What are you, what are you looking for help with. Ask yourself that question. What do I want different in six months? You can use those search terms, in your search for a counselor.

You also wanna check credentials and fit. Look for a licensed therapist who specializes in your area of need, and don't be afraid to shop around That's good. it's okay to interview a few different people, many counselors, myself included. Offer a free consultation, and for me, a free consultation is a 15 minute call where we get on.

I ask the person, are you in a safe place to share with me just a little about why you're seeking counseling, and then if it seems like a good fit. We talk about logistics. I share with them about what it looks like to do counseling with me, right? Like how long to expect it, what does it look like?

We meet weekly in [00:13:00] person, virtual, like all of those things. We talk about logistics, whether I am in network with their insurance company, what kind of hours they're looking for, you know, if they need mornings or evenings and that kind of stuff. And then if it seems like a good fit, we go ahead and schedule our first session.

Many counselors do offer this free consultation, If they don't, give them a call and see if they are willing to jump on a Zoom call with you.

Leave a message. That's that's one tip I wanna give you is leave a message if you call and they do not answer, and give 'em a couple hours to call you back because I know with my phone. If I'm in session, I'm not gonna be answering the phone, but I usually will get back within 24 hours. Reach out, email might be a better way.

And again, if they offer that free consultation, check it out on their website. You want to consider those logistics. Do you prefer in-person sessions, virtual ones, mornings, evenings, every week, biweekly. But you wanna find something that's sustainable, so this requires you to think about what it is that you want and [00:14:00] that too can.

Play a role in who you actually reach out to, and then trust your gut. After that first session, ask yourself, did I feel com comfortable? Did I feel heard? If you didn't keep looking because like I said, there's lots of counselors out there and you deserve a good fit. And then like, I know, I was just kidding, right?

Kidding. Not kidding. If you happen to live in Montana. You're listening to this podcast. I'm assuming that you're a mom who's struggling with a lost sense of self. I would love to connect and see if working together might be a fit. You can schedule that free consultation I was talking about with me through my website@momswithoutcapes.com.

So to recap. Therapy isn't only for people with big problems, it's not about judgment or weakness, and it doesn't have to take forever or drain your bank account. It's about learning to understand yourself, find peace and reclaim your sense of self within motherhood. If today's episode gave you a new perspective, I'd love for you to share it with another mom who's been thinking about therapy [00:15:00] but just hasn't made that first call.

I also want you to know that this will be my final episode of the podcast, maybe forever or maybe just for a while. I took a break earlier this year, recorded for a few months, but then made the difficult decision to put the show on the shelf again. I figured I was gonna start 2026 off, or I was gonna end 2025.

I figured I was gonna end the show. As we ended 2025, I started the Moms Without Capes podcast back in 2021 and have been pouring my heart into it for the past four and a half years, but it has not grown as I had wanted it to. And while some of you are loyal listeners, I am no longer feeling passionate about creating new episodes.

And since I preach about leaning into your passion, I need to do the same. I have other projects happening right now, which I really want to grow. So for now, I must say goodbye. I'm gonna cry. You can still follow me on social and listen and share the 260 episodes that I have here, but this is me signing off as a host of this podcast.

I thank you all for being on this journey with me. And I'm excited for what's to come, even though it might, I could tell I'm crying. I, I knew this [00:16:00] was gonna get a little emotional, but I do wanna thank you for being on this journey with me. I can't leave without reminding you one more time that you are 100% responsible for your own life.

And for creating the joy that you want to feel, stop living on autopilot. Slow down, check in with yourself, and please, above all, take care of yourself because you, my friend, are worth it. Thank you everyone.