Episode 5 - Why I Hate My Job (But Still Love What I Do)

In this deeply personal episode, I’m pulling back the curtain on something that’s been heavy on my heart lately—feeling like I’m never enough. As a makeup artist, aesthetic practitioner, and business owner in the beauty industry, the pressure to constantly perform, look perfect, and deliver flawless results is overwhelming. Add being a mum and a wife into the mix, and it feels like I’m juggling so much that sometimes, I just want to throw in the towel.

Social media has been a double-edged sword for me. On one hand, it’s a crucial tool for my business, especially as a Microblading technician where you *need* to see the before-and-after transformations. But on the other hand, it’s a constant reminder of all the ways I feel like I’m falling short. Whether it’s makeup artists who seem to be making millions or influencers living glamorous lives, it’s hard not to compare and feel inadequate. Even on my personal Instagram, I’m bombarded with parenting advice and lifestyle pressures, leaving me wondering if I’m doing enough as a mum, wife, or businesswoman.

In this episode, I share the truth behind my struggle with social media, the burnout I’ve faced, and why I almost decided to step away from everything. You’ll also hear about my brand pivot at Bellissimi and the real reason I’m shifting focus towards empowering women to find  their confidence—not through unattainable standards of beauty, but by embracing who they really are.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re constantly falling short—whether in your career, your appearance, or your personal life—this episode is for you. Let’s have an honest, heart-to-heart conversation about comparison, self-worth, and how we can redefine what success looks like for ourselves. 

Tune in for a raw and real discussion about balancing life as a beauty professional, a mum, and most importantly, as a woman just trying to figure it all out.

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Transcript

So this week, we're going to have a bit of a tongue in cheek debate about social media. I need social media as a business owner, because my business is very visual. Let's say, as you all know me as a makeup artist and esthetic practitioner, as a Microblading technician, you want to see befores and afters. That makes total sense. But then I hate social media. As a mum, I've got two social media pages, so I've got the bellissimi page, where you can see what I'm up to. You can see my befores and afters, all that good stuff is on there, and then on my personal Instagram page, which is private, it's all the kind of what I'm up to on a daily basis, what I've eaten, you know what me and Taryn have been up to, what my husband and I have done? There's that kind of thing. But then if you look at the kind of followers in the audience that I have on both pages, and you know, when you click on your home screen and it pops up with pages you may be interested in, or whatever, my personal one is full of just kids and mums and cooking, and then obviously my business, one is other makeup artists, other practitioners, or other businesses that I've connected with or maybe have looked into, and I just find it a total minefield, because I'm either bombarded with what my kid should and shouldn't be doing and how I should be parenting And what I should and shouldn't be eating or dressing, and then on my business Instagram, it's showing me all these makeup artists making millions of pounds, or these influencers who are sat on a yacht in Dubai and whatever. So either way, I'm just bombarded with never feeling like I'm enough, or I'm not doing enough, or I'm not giving enough, and I'm not getting enough return from what I'm doing. So I find it really, really difficult sometimes to actually open up my social media pages, like I say with bellissemi, I've got to constantly post. And if you've been following me for a while, you will have probably noticed I've talked a lot about a brand kind of pivot, or, you know, a new bellisse Me, and where this new direction is taking me. And to summarize it, I guess because I've not really talked about this much openly and try to explain what it is I am planning on doing, I am still always going to be doing my physical treatments. Don't get me wrong. So you make up application, your one to one lessons, your Botox, your fillers, your Microblading, yeah, I'll still be doing all that, but this new kind of pivot, pivot that I'm wanting to focus on is to do with my own story. So, you know, I've just become a mum, uh, say, just it's been two years now and a wife, and then I've lost a lot of weight, as you might have noticed, and I really struggled with figuring out who I am, and that's why I touched upon that in my first ever episode. You know, goodbye bellissimi and hello Simi, because I'm trying to figure out who Simi is. And then on top of that, who is the Simi in bellissimi, and what that means to me and what my values are now as a wife, as a mum and as a business owner, and how I can make them all match up. So I've gone from posting separately onto two pages to kind of integrating my personal life into my professional life. But then I really struggle sometimes with what to actually post, because a lot of my engagement seems to do really well with the personal stuff. But then I'm like, Well, how is that getting me customers? How is that getting me business, and it's not, and that's the bottom line. People want to know about me and my story, and I understand why, because you can't buy from me or trust me with a service if you don't know what I am about. And I totally appreciate that now I understand I've got to put myself out there more, and that took me to literally go into a content shoot on Sunday this week, and I found that really difficult. I just found it really, really overwhelming, like I was there, you know, nothing to do with the girls that organized it. It was a really nice female empowerment group, and nothing to do with the girls helping. But I just hated it. I hated talking about myself. I hate sitting in front of a camera. I can talk for England on these podcasts, and I can talk for England in person, but on the camera. For some reason, my brain just doesn't compute. Because how do I summarize my vibe and my personality in a short clip like that's never made sense to me, and how do you understand me and what I'm about from just seeing a picture of me or a video of me, because my image is so much more than than what than that. You know, my image is also my values. My image is my brand, my images my personal life. And trying to marry those two up on a platform like Instagram has been really difficult. Mentally. I've pushed myself and pushed myself, and I've come up with all sorts of content, as you've seen. I have jokey ones. I have serious ones. But I guess right now, even though bellissemi has been around nearly a decade, this new rebrand, this pivot into, I guess, female empowerment and female education, and what that means to you as my client. Is, I always say I hope to see you once and never again now, because I want to give you the tools and the education to be able to go out there and find the right makeup for you or find the right skincare for you, because I've now qualified in a pro certification skin masterclass, so I can get right down to the nitty gritty of not what product you need, what brand you need, or what actual ingredient you need. And then when we break it down to the ingredient, we can then look at price points. We can then look at brands. Because I'm taking away all the fluff. I'm trying to become the middleman between you and this really overwhelming, overpowering, over, saturated and over silly. Let's say I don't know if that's a word, an overselling type world out there. I don't have a sales target to hit anymore. You know, I have been a Mac girl in the past, and my priority wasn't picking out what was, what's right for your skin. It was, Oh, you've got targets that Simi, you know, sell this X amount of bronzers today, and you could have come in because you wanted a lipstick and I'm trying to force a bronzer on you. Just didn't make any sense to me morally. I therefore like to say that's a bit of my USP. I'm not tied to any brand, whether that's a makeup brand or a skincare brand, and therefore I don't have targets to hit. And on top of that, I'm not forcing you into a certain budget. I always say, whether your budget's 20 quid at Superdrug or 200 quid at Sephora or Selfridges, I've pretty much probably tried every single product out there, and I could tell you what's good and what's not and what's popular, just because it's trending on tick tock right now, just because it works for so and so. Or like I said in my last post, if you saw you know J law was J law, sorry, was selling olive oil. I mean, it wasn't olive oil, it was oleic acid, which is amazing for your skin, and that was the ingredient, but her marketing team absolutely butchered it, and people started thinking she was saying, Oh, I look this young because I slap olive oil on my face, but that's my point. I want to get down to the nitty gritty of what ingredient works for your skin, and this is in the makeup consultation side of things. We strip it right back, and I'm going to figure out what works for you and also how that's going to work into your budget. And Yet, You're a busy mum, let's say, or you're running a business on your own, you don't have time to do a 10 step skin routine every morning, every night. So let's strip it right back and figure out what bothers you about your skin, or what would you like to improve? Or, you know, you think you're okay, but you want to invest in something different. Why not? Let's do it. And I want to be the middleman between you and, like I say, this world of products and brands out there that, like I say, even for me in the industry, can feel really overwhelming. Then on the makeup side of things, you know, I say, bring your bag. I joke and call it bomb. Bring own makeup bag. You sit there, either virtually or in person, and we go through all your products, because I guarantee you probably have all the gear, but no idea. And just because something's marketed as something doesn't mean you can't use it. So for example, maybe you were pressured into buying a bronzer at one of the counters, or you saw it online and you thought, yeah, cool. I'll get it. It arrived, and it doesn't really work for you as a bronzer. You either look orange or it looks really muddy. Why can't you use it as an eyeshadow? There's no reason why we can't tweak and pick up these products and make them fit for you. And that is my key, key kind of goal in life. I want to make sure whatever you're doing is right for you. For you, it could be a coat of mascara and a bit of lip gloss, and off you go. For someone else, it could be three layers of foundation, a red lip and a black wing liner. And you know what? If that works for you, and if that makes you feel good, that's the key. If that makes you feel good, then who am I to change it? And that's where I'm trying to come in and say, I'm not here to change it. I'm just here to get it to work the best way for you, and however that looks for you, I'm going to support you each and every step of other way. I want you to be able to walk into Superdrug Selfridges, John Lewis and Sephora, and not feel overwhelmed and think, Oh, my God, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm going to buy a load of crap that I don't need. You're going to know what ingredient you need for your skin. So you're going to be like, cool. Let me just go to this not even to this brand. Let's say you're looking at different brands, whatever fits your price point, and think, yeah, this is the ingredient. Is the ingredients to me. Said I needed. Let me look at this. Or I can always send you the recommendations, like I say, I'm not tied to any brand. I can send you the clickable links. And there you go, a job done, or with your makeup. Simi, you told me, Oh, these kind of tones suit my eyes, or these kind of lip colors are best for me. You're not overwhelmed by the 70,000 lipstick choices anymore, and all the different eyeshadow palettes, we can probably work with what you've already got, because, like I said earlier, you've probably got all the gear, but just no idea, and we can make those products work for you. I don't want you spending a fortune. I just want to cut out the noise out there that may be coming from your own makeup bag or your skincare shelf, because I want you to feel empowered and educated to be able to make those decisions for yourself and figure out what's working for you and what's not working for you, and how are you going to fix that? And that's where I come in. And whether you want me for a one off consultation, or you want me as a makeup or skincare coach, let's say that's where I come in. But then here comes my dilemma, to be able to promote this service I've. Got to be on social media all the time. I actually had a laugh and a joke with a lovely lady I met today. I met her online, actually previously, but we met in person today for the first time in a networking event. But again, I would never met her if it wasn't for social media, and how would I have ever found out about this networking event? So I'm bringing it back to basics now and actually meeting with people and connecting with people, because that's what I love most. I love meeting people, telling them what I do, and I'm still trying to figure that out a little bit, in case that didn't make sense to you, but also telling them how I can help them. If I can help you, then I feel like I've accomplished something huge. But if I've post the wrong thing on Instagram, it might skew my brand message. If I post a funny meme, and you all know, I love a good funny meme, is that saying something that doesn't align with my brand values and my purpose and my business mission and my, you know, ideal client, it gets very, very confusing. And because, like I said, I've tried to really push a lot of my personal life onto ballistic me, because people want to know your backstory and your personal story, and I understand that, I really do. But how much is too much? And then, is it really relevant to what I'm talking about? Then, on top of that, is it authentic? And this is what really gets me. Is it authentic? Am I posting this because I'm just trying to get likes and comments and followers, or am I posting it because it means something to me, and I want to empower and educate, or I want to show you a little bit about what I'm about personally too. Like, is it the algorithm I'm doing it for, or is it for myself? And this is where social media just comes in, and it really overwhelms me. So again, I know today was a bit of a waffle as usual, but I wanted to share a bit of light on what I'm actually up to these days. And when I say bye Simi, and sorry, bye balisimi, hello, Simi. What I'm actually trying to say because I'm not going anywhere like I say. I'm just going on a bit of a brand pivot. But I'm also on a journey myself, and some of you clients have been with me from day one, when I was back in the accountant's office on the top floor in 2015 and here we are, nearly 10 years later, and you're still with me, and I will never, never stop being grateful for that, and I will always love you all dearly. But who am I now? And what does my identity mean? And how do I incorporate that into polysemy? So if you found this interesting, or you have any questions, or you want to join in on the debate on how I love social media, but I hate social media because, again, I've been sat here scrolling on some mom pages and feeling a bit crappy about myself, even though, on a professional level, coming from that networking event, I've been on a real good high, but these things pop on, and so and so's kids a month younger than Taryn, and he's doing this already, and she's doing that, and It's just too much, and I get really, really upset about it, because it's hard not to take that stuff personally, but I need to start practicing what I preach when I say the reels aren't real. So enough rambling as always. Thank you so much for joining me on my sofa. I really enjoyed having this chat with you, and if you found any value in this, please drop me a comment. Please send me a message, and as always, take care, stay beautiful, and I will see you in my next one. Bye, bye.