Are You Lazy Like Me… Or Is It ADHD?

Are you lazy… or is your brain just wired differently?

For most of my life, I thought I was inconsistent.
 Unmotivated.
 Too emotional.
 All-or-nothing.

And sometimes… just lazy.

In this very personal episode, I share what it was like being diagnosed with inattentive ADHD at 38 and how it suddenly explained so many parts of my life — from running a business and managing relationships to why some days I could achieve everything and other days even small tasks felt overwhelming.

We talk about:
 • What ADHD in women can actually look like (it’s not always hyperactivity)
 • Why I was previously told I had OCD
 • Masking and rejection sensitivity
 • How ADHD has affected my business and confidence
 • The difference between being lazy and being mentally overwhelmed
 • Learning to work with your brain instead of against it

This isn’t medical advice — just my lived experience and the things I wish I’d understood sooner.

If you’ve ever felt capable but inconsistent… driven but exhausted… or wondered why things seem harder for you than others…

This episode might just make a few things click.

So grab a cuppa, get comfortable, and come sit on the sofa with me.

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Transcript

On The Sofa with Simi – ADHD Diagnosis Episode

Hello, and welcome to On The Sofa with Simi: The Brains Behind Bellissimi Beauty.

This is a safe space for real conversations about beauty, business, life changes, confidence, hormones, motherhood, relationships, and everything and anything that comes with being a woman in this day and age.

Wherever you are in life, if you’re navigating some sort of change, you are absolutely welcome here. You may be rebuilding your confidence after having children, managing hormonal changes, or just trying to feel like you again.

Thank you for being here. You are absolutely in the right place.

So, if you don’t already know me, I’m Simi. I’ve spent over 10 years in the beauty and aesthetics industry, building Bellissimi, working with thousands of women — who are amazing, by the way — and hearing the real stories behind why those women walk through my door.

And I’ll tell you one thing: it’s rarely just about skin.

It’s about confidence, identity, change, starting again, and sometimes something as simple as just wanting to feel comfortable in your own skin again.

This podcast is where I share what I’ve learned — from business, from life, from my own journey, from motherhood, from relationships, and from the incredible women I meet every day.

No perfection, no pressure, just honest conversations.

So wherever you are right now — driving, working, walking, or just taking five minutes for yourself — grab a cuppa, get cosy, and come join me on my sofa.

Hello, and welcome back to On The Sofa with Simi. Thank you so much for being here.

So, surprise surprise — today’s episode is a bit of a personal one.

At the ripe old age of 38, I got an ADHD diagnosis. And that was literally last month.

So I’m going to talk about that, what it’s looked like for me, and honestly, how much of my life has started to make sense.

Because, to be honest, ADHD didn’t even cross my consciousness — no pun intended. I never thought I had it.

I’ll be truthful: in my opinion and in my experience, I thought ADHD was hyperactivity. I thought it was running on all cylinders, doing a million things at once, physically bouncing off the walls.

But physically, I never looked like that. So I thought, ADHD can’t be me.

I just thought — and I was always told — you’re too sensitive, you’re too emotional, you’re too intense, you’re too all or nothing. As I like to call it: black or white.

And I think a lot of women will relate to this, because actually ADHD in women of a certain age doesn’t often look how people expect it to.

So let me preface this and say: this isn’t medical advice. It’s literally just my lived experience and what it’s looked like in my life, my business, my relationships, and how I’ve started to understand myself a bit better now.

So… who I thought I was.

I thought I just had a bit of a funny personality, you know? Up for a laugh, making people laugh, living my best life. Like I said, all or nothing. YOLO. Go hard or go home. That was always me.

So I either did nothing at all and couldn’t start, or I worked at 150% and then I’d burn out.

I could see opportunities. I could see the end goal. I could see the vision. I could see that gap in the market. I could hyperfocus on something if it excited me.

But then it was also like, Oh my God, I haven’t replied to that message for 84 years, and that stack of Amazon parcels for returns has been sat there for about three months and there’s no way I’m getting my money back now.

So that really confused me, because my brain felt like it was going 100 miles an hour, but my body just… was not.

And I thought, How can you be capable of so much, but struggle with the basics? Are you okay, hon? What’s going on?

I never thought it was ADHD.

I was told I was lazy. And that is something that stuck with me. It is very much part of my story, and it’s something that I struggle with daily. But, you know, I’m working on that — and that’s a whole different podcast episode at this point.

I saw it as inconsistency, and truthfully, maybe even failure sometimes.

And that is honestly quite heavy to carry for 38 years of your life.

Especially when you’re running a business and you feel like two different people.

The people who see me on social media, the people who meet me out and about, my clients — they’re like, Wow Simi, you’ve got your shit together.

And then at home, it’s like… lazy Simi, you’ve not done this, you’ve not done that.

No one’s saying that directly, but I take it as, You’re not a very good mum.

Anyway — again, I’ll come back to that at some point. Maybe. If you really want to know.

What people don’t see is the mental load behind it.

The 84 million tabs open in my head.
The constant thinking.
The constant analysing.
The constant self-criticism.

So, the type of ADHD I have — and this is something called inattentive ADHD. I was kind of borderline, but more leaning towards this one.

Let me break it down for you.

One thing I really think is important to talk about is that ADHD doesn’t always look like what we think. And I mentioned this earlier.

I wasn’t running around spinning on tables. And again, I’m not disrespecting anyone that does that, but in my head, that’s what I thought it was.

I don’t think I was a hyper person. I’m fairly loud — disruptive, but not in the way that you think. Interrupting people all the time? Not going to lie, I do that a lot.

And I literally have to think about it now, which is funny, because I’m like, I just can’t get this thought, I can’t get this voice, I need to get it out.

But anyway, that’s another story, and if you’ve met me in person you know I do that a lot. I kind of roll with it now.

Like now I’m digressing on about this, but let me go back to actually what inattentive ADHD is.

P.S. Tell me you’ve got ADD without telling me — listen to this podcast, love.

Anyway.

I wasn’t physically hyper. I wasn’t the kid causing chaos. I wasn’t the one getting told to sit still. I wasn’t fidgeting.

My ADHD is much more inattentive.

So what that means is: I’m in my head constantly, overthinking, zoning out when I’m trying to listen.

I could read a book in a day. I could also take three years to read a book and still be on the same page.

I can start ten things and struggle to finish three.

I forget things unless I have 85,000 notes in my phone.

I can see a few of you nodding along right now.

And I feel mentally overwhelmed rather than physically hyper.

My brain is so busy, even when I look calm.

And that’s why I think it was missed for so long.

Because on the outside, people are like, Cool, you’re doing alright in school. You’ve got some friends. You’re alright. Nice one. Crack on.

And then on top of that, when you get to older years — I went to uni, got a degree, but fuck it, got another degree. Did law, got a masters, studied in America, got a scholarship. Then I decided to travel the world doing makeup.

You know, wow. What a life.

Honestly, looking back, I think, Bloody hell. Wow. I did that.

But internally, honestly, it felt like I was managing total chaos.

So this next bit, I think a few of you may relate to.

For a long time, I was told I had OCD.

And again, this is my experience and my understanding.

I wasn’t washing my hands 5,000 times a day. I wasn’t switching light switches on and off.

But I still had lists. And then I couldn’t complete the lists. And I thought, Why am I writing all these lists?

And it wasn’t because I had this compulsion to write lists. It’s because I couldn’t ever bloody sit down and finish the first list in the first place and actually get things done and tick them off.

So again, I think what people thought they were seeing — and maybe my doctors too — was the mental loops, the need to prepare, the rumination, the overthinking.

And yes, that can sit very closely to ADHD.

Because when your brain struggles with regulation, sometimes you create control in other ways.

For me, it was writing these lists. But ironically, the reasons for them were very different.

Trying to prepare for every single outcome out there. Every single situation. Trying to always be one step ahead.

And it’s not because you’re obsessive, right? It’s because your brain is trying to create safety.

And when I started understanding ADHD, something really clicked.

It was like — I didn’t need to control everything. Because that’s a lot of power, you know? I’m not being funny, Spider-Man’s Uncle Ben was right — with great power comes great responsibility.

Jeez.

My brain just struggled with switching off, filtering thoughts, prioritising, regulating attention.

And that is a very different conversation.

Because anxiety says: something’s wrong with you.

Understanding ADHD says: your brain’s just working a bit differently.

And honestly — wow. That was so liberating.

So naturally, ADHD has had a massive effect on how I run my business.

And do you know what? Not always negatively.

Some of my biggest strengths — and I will never regret it, and I’ll never think, I wish I found out about this sooner, I wish I took medication, I wish I had treatment.

No.

Because having this bit of neuro-spiciness gave me my vision, gave me creativity, allowed me to see gaps and connect ideas quickly.

That is ADHD.

But where I’ve struggled is, you know, I can see that beautiful goal. I can see that vision.

But the bridge? The bridge doesn’t exist.

I’m like about to freefall, and it’s building that bridge, building that structure, maintaining it, the middle part of business, the consistency, the repetitive tasks.

I can launch something.

But actually carrying on and doing it every day? No. Not for me.

And sometimes for women out there, that might look like you go to the gym three times a week for six months, and then the next time you go is about four years later.

That’s also ADHD.

Sometimes it’s like, How are you not motivated? It’s motivation. Once you get up and go, you’ll be fine.

But to get up and go can be the hardest part of this, and I don’t take that lightly.

So by the way — if you’ve got up and done something today that you really struggled with, well done. Round of applause for you.

So I build my days differently now.

I no longer beat myself up about it.

I know movement helps me. Being energised helps me. I function better when I have momentum.

And that doesn’t just mean going to the gym.

But in terms of having a bit of flexibility in my day, a bit of time where I can kind of just get up, do something else, even if it’s as simple as walking to the kitchen, making myself a cup of tea and coming back.

You might be like, Well yeah, duh.

But for some of us, that “duh” takes a lot of thinking and a lot of action to get there.

It’s not as easy for us. It doesn’t just come as a little, Well yeah, obviously I would have done that.

And by the way, I noticed this with my health.

On days where I’m productive — I’m seeing clients, I’m going out and about, I’m networking, I’m doing admin — I’m actually feeling a little bit focused. I cope so much better.

On slow days, everything feels heavy. Honestly.

It’s funny, because half days off — and yes, it’s very healthy to have days off — but on my days off, sometimes I’m like, Oh God, I wish I was doing something.

And then physically, I don’t have the energy to go out and be doing all these things as well, and that comes down to some other health concerns that I’ve had.

But again, that’s a whole different podcast.

So what that showed me was my brain needs stimulation — but the right type of stimulation.

I’m not here to force myself to do stuff that no longer brings me joy.

I try and design my environment better.

So this is the key takeaway — and if you take away anything from this podcast:

ADHD isn’t about discipline. It’s about design.

Just write that down. I think that’s a really good nugget there.

And another part of ADHD for me — and you may have heard this term — is masking.

What does that even mean?

I think a lot of women, ADHD, neuro-spicy women, have become very good at appearing capable.

Because on the surface, you know, you look amazing, you’ve got your shit together.

You overprepare.
We overdeliver.
We overthink.

What do people see?
Wow, confidence.

They don’t see the internal effort sometimes required just to maintain that.

Like if that’s your base level, it’s hard bloody work.

And on that, you might have heard something called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria — and wow, I should be the poster girl for that.

So a client not replying, someone seeming off, a critical comment… my brain goes:

What did I do wrong?
Oh my God, what are they going to say about me?
Should I have said that?
Should I not have said that?
Oh, I’ve just lost that business.
Oh my God, I’ve just offended that girl.
Oh, I should have kept my mouth shut.

Even though logically, you know you haven’t, and they probably didn’t even remember what you said — you will sit and ruminate on that for hours.

And when you run a business and you’re visible, that is exhausting.

So understanding that this is part of ADHD helped me separate reality from reaction.

I almost kind of, you know, bless and release.

It comes into my head and I’m like, Cool, thank you. Everything’s okay. It’s not the end of the world. If it happens, it happens. If someone kicks off, if someone complains, if I’ve offended someone — it was never intentional, and we will deal with that when and if.

And the “if” is hardly ever there. It never happens.

So what the diagnosis changed for me — first and foremost — it didn’t change who I am.

It just explained who I’ve always been.

And that was so freeing.

Because instead of asking, Why am I like this? Why am I the way I am? I ask, How do I support this?

I’ve become kinder to myself.

I’m not lazy. So we can get rid of that word.

I’ve become less harsh, less self-critical.

I still have high standards for myself, but I no longer attach shame to the difficult days.

That was a big one for me.

And that’s huge, because shame doesn’t help growth.

Shame — we don’t like that word. Be gone.

Understanding is what helps you grow.

So what has ADHD given me?

Do you know what? It’s given me a hilarious personality, I think.

I think I’m really funny because, you know, it’s like — cool, crack a joke and no one can realise how your head’s going a thousand miles an hour.

It’s given me creativity, empathy, drive, intuition, resilience.

And I genuinely think my ability to build Bellissimi came partly from the way my brain works.

I always just knew there was something there.

And I always wanted to do more.

That drive, that passion, the vision, the refusal to settle — ADHD didn’t stop me building my life.

It just helped me understand how to protect myself while I do.

And that just means your energy, your physical health, your mental health, and all the things in between.

So if you’re listening and you’re nodding along, and you’re recognising yourself — hello, I see you.

You’re not broken.

You’re not lazy.
You’re not inconsistent.

Maybe your brain just works a bit differently.

And honestly, understanding that — it’s not about labelling yourself.

I don’t go running around saying to everybody, I’ve got ADHD, I’ve got ADHD.

I only take my medication sometimes. And again, a bit naughty — I take it on the days I really need to focus, because then the medication comes with its own side effects.

I found out on the days I take it, I can’t sleep properly.

So yeah, again — conversation for another time.

But I know how and when to make it work for me.

So again, no medical advice, please preface that, speak to your doctor.

But it’s about giving yourself compassion.

And for me, this year, it’s not been about the diagnosis.

It’s the understanding. It’s the awareness.

And when you understand yourself, you stop trying to become someone else.

It’s as simple as that.

You start learning how to become a better version of you.

And if that ain’t what Bellissimi is all about, I don’t know what is.

But I tell you what — that gives you peace.

Life is much more peaceful.

So, as always, thank you so much for joining me on my sofa.

If this resonated with you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.

Thank you for joining me. As always, it’s been a pleasure.

My DMs are open. You know where I am.

And wherever you are on your journey, you are not alone.

Take care, and I’ll see you in the next one.

Bye.