Being a Body-Confident Mom—for You and Your Kids

In this episode of Unleashed Moms, Alexandria and Leesha get real about growing up in diet culture, navigating body confidence as moms, and how those experiences shape the way they parent today—especially when it comes to raising daughters. 

They share personal stories of postpartum body changes, clothing challenges, food fear, and learning to embrace their bodies as they are. They also talk about the subtle ways we can reinforce body shame in our kids without meaning to, and the intentional steps they’re taking to foster confidence, compassion, and honest conversations in their families. 

With an expert guest coming soon, this episode sets the stage for deeper dialogue around body image, self-worth, and the legacy we leave our kids.

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Transcript

0:07

Hello everybody and welcome back to Unleash Moms and happy Friday! Woohoo! We made it through the week you guys! There is eight weeks left of school. I am counting down the weeks, literally. I am so excited. I don't know if you're counting because you're excited though. I'm very excited for school to be over. Well, because you're done with the school. We're both done with this school. Our kids go to the same school and we both have this year decided our kids are no longer going to this school. yeah, we're gonna change up our school location. super excited about that for my daughter. Yeah, normally I'm not that excited for summer, but I know Delilah is tired of school. We've been having a lot of issues this year. And so I think we're gonna have fun. You know, I actually was just talking with my mom earlier today about how, we just got back from spring break this week to, you know, these things are delayed. So, we just got back from spring break and Logan had been struggling with like spelling tests. And then she came home today from school and she was like, mom, got a 90 % of my spelling test. And I was like, what? Cause we didn't even practice this week. Cause I, we've not been home basically, our week has been so busy. and so was like, what the heck? Did you just need like a brain break for a week and like it just reset for you? And now spelling's like so easy. that's that's really nice But yeah, I think usually the summer like schedule is a struggle But I feel like my business is in a better place this year to have more team members and stuff. So I think that I'll have Maybe I mean I still am a business owner. I still to run the business and and we still have to work but I think But we work together and I get to see the hours you put in. And I will say that you feel like, I feel like from my side of things, it seems like you have more balance going on now. yeah, I think last summer I was doing double the amount of hours a month that I am now. Yeah, so. Yeah. Mm hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah, a lot of cleanup. But right now everything is just going so good. But I'm just I'm also which is going to tie into this episode just perfect this. We didn't even plan this, honestly, but. Yeah, everything to do with body comp. This is great timing too, because we're going into spring and summer, which is when all that baloney about like, get your summer body ready and like all that crap. Yeah. Or yeah, not about taking care of yourself, but about like how you physically look and appealing to other people. Yeah. So we also just start off with a little tease that we have an expert that will be coming on to follow up with this episode. We really are. We're excited about anybody that wants to come on the podcast, but we really are. Yeah. Yes. So we're super excited. So today we're going to kind of going to go over our views on this topic and then we'll get an expert opinion. I also want to preface this that Leash and I have not seen each other in like two weeks, maybe longer, two and a half weeks. Well, yeah, I mean, we're not doing a recap on the last two weeks, but it was spring break and we were gone. So, yeah. is like how we are starting our first visit with each other. Is a podcast. Pretty much. We haven't even talked that much at all this week. know that's I'm like, so there might be some random tangents happening as usual, you know, but like I said, we haven't seen each other a little bit. So we're not sure what's gonna happen. Yeah. So let's dive into this, uh, episode. This one, this one might get me in the feelers because I am really passionate about this and see, soon as I say that, if I pre if I preface with it, then it gets, it won't cry now. I'll be able to hold it together. Um, I have a little bit of tears in my eyes, but it's okay. Um, I'm really passionate about this because it, it's really tough. when you're raising daughters. And putting body confidence into them when people talk about your body in so many ways, not even just like directly to you, but just passive ways and how they communicate or, you know, there's things that you'll say thinking it's normal, but really it's not, it's harmful. Yeah, and what else what also is hard is when your kids get bullied for it. which we're gonna talk about too, but now we have personally handled that. I'm gonna pull it together. I am gonna pull it together, I promise. I just, I'm one of those people, like I love talking about all different topics and this is one of, self-care, which we've gone over before, but this body confidence and just like loving your body is a big one. and it can be hard to switch your mindset too. If you're so deep into like that self hate and stuff, then that can be really hard and hard not to accidentally teach as well to your kids, especially your girls. If you have girls, yeah. Yep. I, yep. Definitely. I was just talking about this with, Nat, one of our past guests because she's having a daughter and she was like, yeah, I'll have to, you know, look, look at, not raising a daughter that way. And I don't have a while before I have to worry about that. And I said, no, actually you do. I said, it starts with when they're a baby and it starts with the way that you talk to yourself about your body. And so you need to get into the rhythm of it now, versus waiting to train yourself when they're two or three or five, you know? when they can't understand you really. Because then when they can, you already are in practice. You are already starting to feel better about yourself because you've been practicing that skill. I 100 % agree. Like your kids, they absorb everything. And what you're saying about yourself, they argue. You know what I mean? Like it's a mirror. Yeah. So when you are talking about yourself in a negative way, your kid is like, but we have the same whatever it was, same eyes, same nose, same whatever, you know? So we're going to, we're going to just, we'll dive into all, all of those things and more now that I've already, I should be good now. I got my tears out. Yeah. Right. I know probably it'll probably it's the passionate and then my kids, bring the kids into it and then I just get like fired up about it. But, so let's talk about growing up in diet culture because we both are millennials and growing up in those times was. millennial. I was just thinking about this earlier today. all you know we were looking at and I were looking up this too. I'm way more in the middle and but yeah you and Cody are like right on the cusp there. Yeah. I think that's the year, like everybody can agree if 95 or 94 is the last year. Yeah. So I'm always like, I'm, I'm not a Gen Z. I'm like, no, never. Yeah. I'm a baby millennial. Yeah, so but that was a tough time for just like diet culture in general and like restricting foods or only eating certain foods or not certain foods and it's only evolved over the years And I think a big part of that is like, the parents to the millennial grouping is like, that was a hundred percent the culture, like skinny get, you know, by any means starvation, like crazy fad diets, like. Diets. mean, I, and I, I've already prepped my mom for this episode, to be quite honest, that we were going to be talking about ways and things that I saw while I was growing up. parents went through probably every fad diet, I feel like looking, like that's my perspective of like, they tried all the things and had all these different eating plans that were printed or books, or, you know, you had to only buy certain foods or certain this or that. And I, I even remember. I don't remember that. really like ever pushing it on us. That definitely was not part of it, but you, like we just talked about, it's like a mirror and it's like, why, like, why are we doing? And I always had that mindset of like, why, why are we doing this? I never wanted to work out. I was the, I probably had F's and P E my whole life. I never wanted to move my body. I didn't want to do any of that. So it's just all those things that you see growing up. And now is it, mean, being able to see through that. was just kind of like, why, why are we doing this? I never understood it, but yeah. why did we decide that that's the path we need to go down? I wouldn't say, I don't really remember my mom doing any major dieting when I was younger, but once I got to like middle school age, I feel like that's when I started noticing her being like, let's try the weighing your food thing or, you know, different things like that, where it's like the portion control. and then that always had me thinking like, well, does that mean I'm eating too much then when I'm eating, you know, a whole plate of whatever it is? Yeah. so I definitely think that, well, yes, you need to do what you need to do to feel healthy or whatever. There is a fine line of being like obsessive so much so that your, your kid is like reflecting on, well, am I supposed to do that? And it's like, no, no, you're not. Yeah, no, definitely not and I have I have big thoughts on that too But yeah, definitely and I think I don't know did you do any of the fad diet like Weight Watchers or like any of those things? know I, Leishen actually have talked about this before the episode that our views are going to be a little bit different. I never have done that. I have always kind of, which I think my mom's a big enforcer of that, even though like I said, she did start when I got into middle school, tried a couple of things, like a big enforcer of like, you eat kind of more intuitively. That wasn't really a big word like back then, but so I don't remember what she said exactly, but that's the word that popped in my head. but like you eat more intuitively and, know, be knowledgeable about what you're eating kind of thing. Like you don't just eat 20 Snickers, you know, just because you're hungry because it's snicker bars, you know. It's not really the fuel that your body needs. Well, I don't remember when exactly, but I know that I had done Weight Watchers. it's the same. I don't know what years it was. No, it was before Logan, but you were in the, the, the Stanwood house. I'm pretty sure. Yeah. done Whole30, but some of them I do some of these diets I do see are good. But when I was younger I did weight watchers. But at the same time that I don't really agree with any of these things, I also because of my upbringing kind of thought it was normal. Because kind of what you were supposed to do was you were supposed to do these things in diet. But I also still didn't understand why I needed to do it because I didn't have a problem. Like I was like whatever like I never Right, like why are you doing it? Like your goal wasn't necessarily to lose weight, was just you were just doing it because you thought you had to do it. Yeah. So I don't know, but that, that definitely, I have done a couple of the eating plans. I never stuck to them because I hate restrictive eating. If I fricked, then I overeat in an overindulge because. like, I can't have chocolate. I can't have chocolate. can't have chocolate. can't chocolate. And chocolate gets put in front of you, you're going to be like, I really want that frickin' chocolate. Or you have cravings that you're not fulfilling and then you just want it more and then you overindulge. Like, I feel like I learned that for myself pretty early and was like, this is not, this is just not what works for me. of like refusal to eat and this was not for dieting. It was a doctor's orders. I went gluten-free for that like period of time. I have never wanted bread so much in my life. I mean, yeah. Right. I love bread. Like who doesn't? But I have never been like. I just was like, I wanted to shove a whole loaf in my face. I think I went on like a carb overload when they were like, yeah, go ahead and start eating gluten again. Yeah, even with all those things though, in my growing up, I will say that I don't know, like if my parents wanted to do those things, I don't know what they could have done differently to have made it better or easier. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. But I also don't think that it, I mean, I definitely remember that happening. I don't feel like it affected me that much. I went through a period of time where I was kind of lost about like, why are we doing this? What does it mean? What am I trying to accomplish kind of situation? But Some people don't, some people are have eating disorders because of things like that, or went through their teenage years and had eating disorders. I totally, I acknowledge and understand that. Not everybody. think that, mean, your parents and like my parents, when they try their couple things, never really pushed it onto the kids. And that's all they can, I mean, if you're going to do it, at least that's what you're doing. You're not pushing it onto people or using that verbiage of like, this is what you're going to do. Or like, you're eating too much. You know, I think that is the key thing if you're going to do it. But ultimately, you know, educating yourself as a parent to like just how to choose to eat more intuitively, more, you know, not limiting and exposing your kid to unhealthy eating habits like that patterns. Yeah. I think that it definitely is patterns because you go on it and you go off it, you change it, you choose a different one. It works, it doesn't work. You fluctuate in the foods in the home, too, that you're also providing. And that can be confusing for the kid, too. Like, if you're one day like, whatever, we'll have chips and we'll have whatever. And then the next day, you're like, we have lettuce and we have tomatoes and we have... And then it's like, what's going on? yeah, yeah, definitely. But yeah, that's, hopefully sets like kind of the stage of where we're coming from, going into like raising kids, coming from that generation that was raising us and just what we experienced. I don't think if there's any like more pivotal moments that was like big growing up. people making comments about your body. We've talked about this before too. I totally remember being a teenager and you go through growth spurts and you'll kind of get whiter and then taller or know, thicker and thinner or whatever. And I remember family members pinching at me and being like, what's this back here? You know, that I clearly remember. So I had actually an opposite experience. I've always been pretty lean as a kid and for gross parts, I would get even leaner. and so I'd always be commented on my body and like, you're so thin or you're so small. I wish I was your size. blah, blah, blah. And then it like made me more conscious of like, how small am I, or am I not eating enough? Or, I, or like in school, people used to ask me, are you bulimic? Are you anorexic? And it's like, first off, those are like, Yeah, right. Yeah, And you know, it makes you self-reflective, like am I, do I have a problem when like I don't, but people are putting that on me, yeah. Yeah. Definitely. But yeah. So that's, that's another thing just thinking of when we, you think about all those things when you go to raise your own kids, especially daughters. I mean, sons too, men I think have these same issues growing up is either muscles or there's certain build or there's certain look or, know, I Body. Right. know that they have those body dysmorphia issues too, that women have. but yeah, so let's, we'll kind of shift into whatever is next here in our outline that tries to keep us on track. one of our things is kind of like what's still hard, you know, about maybe new fads, new fads are things that you see. I actually, I couldn't have a little bit of comments on this, would be... Just the taste of food. that we have available to us now, my family tries to eat balanced in a way that is organic and more whole foods than snacky foods. And so that is something that I try to balance and not restrict the sweets or whatever. I have a sweet lover in my house that once he gets. sneaker. Yeah, but I don't feel like I restrict the sweets, you know, so it's so like, I don't even know. It's just crazy. But like we try to have balance. I don't try to tell my kids like you can't have this, which is probably mostly what they hear. But I'm more of a eat more fruits and veggies, drink more water. And then you can still have these things with reason. I seriously have a sugar like crazy monster sometimes. But he also is a fruit monster. Like he'll eat lots of fruit and vegetables. But Those things sometimes are hard when you see in different communities that will do the gluten free or the dairy free or different things and separating that from a fad or like an actual diet, dietary need like you, like you just went through the gluten free little spurt, but that was for a medical need. So, you know, it's just different. things that you encounter and like kind of placing your mind of like, how am I approaching this and what am I teaching my kids about it? an interesting kind of like, I guess this kind of is a fact is like people going and restricting things that are seen as a medical need, but they don't really need to do that. So then, you know, and other people being like, Oh, well, this is like a healthy way to eat, but by taking out all these things and it's like, not really, you're just lacking the exposure now in your body and causing an issue potentially. But I think. That's an interesting fact that's been going around. And I think a lot of people will go into those very easily being like, yeah, let's cut all gluten, even though I don't have a gluten intolerance or cut all dairy, even though I'm not lactose free or vegan or whatever. Well, I think it makes it hard to like if you have kids that have issues You know like if they have stomach aches in the morning and you're trying to track down what it is and having to do an elimination diet Okay. Well now what is this elimination diet teaching them? So then it's like but we need to figure out what it is. So like It makes it so difficult the best thing you can do for your kids is remember that they're little people. They have more understanding than we give them credit for. always, Logan. And even the twins, they always baffle me with their understanding and their comprehension, their perception, and how they observe things and see it and take that information in. I'm always amazed by them. I think it's like, I'm always like, man, I really just did not expect that from you. And I should have. So I think that it opens your day in life. this is what's going on. This is why we're doing this. No, these foods aren't bad. They just affect your body differently. Yeah. That's kind the approach that I try to take because we, Delilah's been having stomach aches and we cannot pinpoint like in the morning, if it's nerves, if it's butterflies, if it's, you know, she had too much milk that morning or if she had too much bagel that morning, like we can't figure it out. So, but yeah, that's definitely, like, well, if your body doesn't feel good, we need to do something different. You need to try a different breakfast or a different approach to the breakfast or. Yeah. I know Logan's been having stomach aches too, but I have, I've decided for now that I think it's mostly she's having some anxiety going on, which causes stomach aches. That's how it presents in kids the most often. that's, I'm well aware of that over here at our situation too. So I'm like, okay. So it's just that balance though of like when you have the food incorporated into any of it is like, how do we raise kids that don't have food fear? I know. I, that's why I'm like the, think the best thing my mom did and what I try to do with my girls is being very open about food talk or, or body talk, you know, and being like, you know, everybody's body's different. Everybody takes in foods differently and responsive differently. and then we also talk about. This is like one of my favorite things that Logan and I do. The girls aren't old. The Georgian Hayden are old enough to do it yet. But she asked me like, what does this food do for my body? Yeah. And so we always talk about like, the different colors and how usually they'll fall into like certain categories of their colored food or like the different like, you know, carbs versus proteins and stuff and like what it feels in her body and how long it stays in her body. Um, which is how we also talk about sweets and treats and stuff. Um, because she'll be like, Oh, I'm super hungry. Can I have a cupcake? And like, okay, well, if you're hungry, a cupcake's not going to fill you so you can go play and stuff. It's going to, you know, give you a little bit of sugar rush and give you a little crazy and tastes good. And I'm all for you having a cupcake if that's what you want, but you said you're hungry. So let's have food first and then you can have a treat. to a drink. That's been, I was talking about this with a friend the other day too, but my kids, since they were old enough to get their own snacks, my mantra has been fruit, uh, fruit, veggie, or cheese. I'm like, go for those first. And if you have those, you're still hungry, then you can go in the pantry and have a sweet, have a cracker, have like whatever you want, but let's get the whole foods first that they're going to fuel your body. I was telling you the other day how, Jameson came out and was able to use his words when he was having an issue the other night. And he was like, well, what do you have to help me? Well, he also the other day was like asking me about something to do with like protein or something and so we had the same kind of talk of like what protein does for your body and why you need it and I think he said like what makes my brain strong. I think that's what it was. I was like well and so then we had like talked about all like protein and healthy fats and like all this stuff. I just love that. I, and I do think that, going back to generational stuff, think that our generation has made such a pivotal turn and I, you can see it's filtering down to like Gen Z and Gen Alpha and like, hopefully Gen Beta that's like just started this year. because we talk about food and body so differently. Yeah. And if you don't break the mold, it just continues. So, but I do think that I want to give our generation credit that we have done such pivotal work on being reflective and, and how to present to our kids and so that they aren't having the same struggle. And I just, I'm going to cry. No, you don't get to cry because then I really will cry So I'm just not gonna look at you now, but no it is it's it's really hard and I would say that This is one of the harder parts of parenting is because this is for life I mean, you can really mess your kid up. You can really mess a kid up. I I've always been. I have to always goal. to not mess. Yes. Sorry. Good. Good. Good on the follow up there. So when you knew that you were having a daughter, Logan first, did you automatically just kind of know some things that you would or would not do as a parenting style for that? me just say, finding out I had a girl, I initially was kind of like, you know, maybe I'll have a boy. I don't want to, I wasn't really like, I wanted a boy or a girl, but I was kind of like, I felt like having a boy, I wouldn't have to deal with certain things that girls have to just deal with from the moment they are conceived basically. So when I found out I had a girl, I had a little bit of a panic attack. Straight up, a panic attack. I was like, oh my gosh. We're going to have to deal with all these things and just thinking about like the emotions and like the things that as a female you go through and that you learn about like the world, you know, as yeah. And so I had a little bit of a panic attack and I was like, Texi-Coey, I was like, how are we going to handle these things? He was like, I don't know. He's like, what are you talking about? didn't know this was a thing. I'm like, you're not a girl, but you're going to learn. Yeah, yeah, definitely. I don't think that I was really, you know, no, I think I was gonna say that I don't think I was really intentional about what my plan was, but as soon as you have this person and then you're looking at them and you're going through different experiences as their baby, you start to be like, and you see, you can start to like reflect on the impact that these comments or these things that you saw as a kid made. do it and you're like, whoa absolutely. We're actually, that's not what I want for our family or this. out of your mouth or as soon as you do it, you're just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Pause, rewind. I think that my journey has probably been a mix of that and still checking in and being like, like we just kind of talked about is like these different new fads or dietary restrictions for different reasons or whatever. And it's rough. to being communicative with your children. and you know, whoever is your, safe person or close partner that you think will be like check you also, in talking to them and being like, Hey, XYZ is going on with me. I kind of am feeling like, you know, not great about myself or whatever, like kind like a reliability partner. Yeah, accountability. Sorry, wrong word. I, so I just reflected now, cause I knew, I knew going into this podcast today, I did the outline for it. So I kind of had my head a little bit wrapped around. I've been really excited about this podcast episode, but I was like, what are, what things have happened now? We're talking about these things are coming back, but one of those pivotal moments of like a body confidence for our situation was being in a bikini. I always would wear very I get just very covered suits and everything. And there was a day and Delilah probably was about five and she didn't want to wear that kind of suit, which is harder to find shorts or she didn't want to wear like a bikini or a one piece that has like the bikini cut to not shorts or anything. and that was a moment where I was like, well, of course you don't because I don't. And so then I, it was like a flip switched and I was like, Okay, I guess I'm gonna be rocking bikinis now because I don't have an issue really with me. I don't want to have an issue with my body obviously by showing up in more comfortable we could say swimwear. That was showing her that I had to cover my body for why? that was... Yeah, and so now I just I'm I just don't like I just do you think you're going Where do you think you're going be at? And just illustrate how good it is. Logan is the extremism of the opposite, and I don't know if that was for me or that's just how she is. I have definitely made a point of not talking about my body. Mm-hmm. Yeah. except in terms of like, strong, or, you know, I feel healthy, or like, why are we working out? because I want to like build up my muscles so that way I can pick up your sisters or, you know, like what my cause and effect is kind of thing. So she's like, mom, can I just walk around in my sports bra and like shorts all the time? And I'm like, I mean, I don't want to say no. was hard for you and you were like, she tried to do it here at my house and you were like, uh, like totally speechless and you're like, well, that's kind of like a home thing, but you know, uh. like I was like I don't want to tell you no because it's not really It's a sports bra and people wear sports bras like out as shirt which is fine because she does have like the The longer ones that are more for that kind of style But then she has like just there straight up just like basically a bra and I'm like mmm Like how do I say this to you without being like no you cover up? These are the issues. These are the hard things that you have to deal with as parents. Yes. being like, know your body is shameful in any kind of way. Yeah. another one of those pivotal moments was when Delilah went to kindergarten and she used to wear skirts and dresses all the time. You remember this one. This girl would not wear anything different. She was always in like much like Logan, like what always in the princess dresses and the dresses, the skirts, sparkly everything. And she went to kindergarten and the kids would tease her about she had shorts on obviously like under her skirt. And they teased her. That girl has never worn a dress or skirt. I swear since. And it was so sad to see that. And then that wasn't necessarily like a body thing, I don't think, but like those things stick with you. so when, just when all that happened, the, the bikini swimsuit wear for me was, was like a big one, but clothes is a hard one over here. I'm sure we've talked about this. I am very sensitive to clothes. have like, texture, everything. don't like anything. So I wear my clothes bigger, but it just. That's more of a sensory thing. But again, like you said, that can be perceived, especially by your impressionable girl who you are her model of being like, why are we doing that? Like, why are we wearing looser fitting and stuff? So just kind of being open. talking, hey, this is why I wear this because it's comfortable for me. This is what makes me feel happy and, you know, pretty or whatever. But you need to find what makes you feel happy, pretty and comfortable. One thing that we have struggled a little bit with in general is size of clothes. Delilah, and I'm going to say this and hopefully doesn't come across as like judging, but she's always been a bigger kid. Ever since she was a toddler, she was always wearing double the size clothes of her age. So like 2T, it was 4T. bigger too. Like she, I think she's starting to level out a little bit now, but she always was like two sizes bigger than what she, anyone else in her age group was. She is. Yeah. She's wearing a size nine, nine and a half women's shoe. She has not been able to fit kids clothes for several years now. And that was really hard. It was really hard because just her build and the size of clothes that they make now, she aged out of Coles first and then Target and then Walmart. And now she has to shop. in the juniors is all very slim fitting. And so then that doesn't fit her body shape. And so the last bit, I don't know, like the last year, we've had to have conversations about clothes that enhance our body shape instead of, you know, look a different way, which I have honestly struggled with like helping her through that. Yeah. And she has a different... Learning right and learn. think we're, I think we're getting through it now, but the thing is like also, which she has, which I love this actually, she does not have any ties or even know what size she wears. So there's no, looking at the numbers on the size pants and knowing that they're like. smaller or bigger or what the size she wears is this size or not. We did go to a store, probably, probably close to a year ago and I picked up and she asked me and I said, this number. And someone that was with us was like, what? She wears that. And I was like, yeah, because we wear clothes that fit our body. We don't care about the number. And that was one of those moments where I could not let that be said and not say something because I had to correct it immediately. that way she saw it too. And it's like, okay, it's good. Yeah. I haven't cared about the size that I wear. I am one of those ones that is like, you know, when you when you are pregnant, you grow, you grow everywhere. And then when you're postpartum, your weight shifts and people like they want to get back to pre pregnancy weight. Well, what if that takes a year or two? It takes you or longer. Go buy the clothes that fit you. I don't care what the number says. say that is probably postpartum time was probably the most. Uncomfortable. challenging, for self love and like, you know, viewing my body as my body still, for me, because like I said, I've always been some build and I, so postpartum I, I had to change, like it was, everything was different. I was way bigger. I was like, you know, softer in areas than I've ever been. And like, that was definitely hard. And then like going up in pant sizes and shirt sizes and nothing fits. you deliver and you're kind of feeling better. Yeah. don't know if I'm going to go back to this way or like what, you know. well that's that's one of my big things that I've kind of been telling new, you know, like pregnant moms now. I'm like, go buy the maternity clothes because they're comfortable. You have to be comfortable. Okay, I'm a big proponent of not buying. I just hate the investment for such a short period of time. Now, I am very frugal when it comes to myself. spend out like, I spend so much money on my kids, my husband, my pets, like literally anyone else. But when it comes to me, am. the frugalest and I'm just like, penny pinching. Yeah. No, I was one that bought maternity pants so soon and was just like all over it. They're comfortable. Why struggle? I just, so then even after you have baby though, like anybody pregnant that's listening or postpartum, your body may take a time, like a while to go back and, or it might not. to have a softer around the belly waist area Yeah, which I did that after Logan just like stayed in oversized t-shirts and yoga pants basically And just like that was that like I was not wearing clothes that I felt happy in that made me feel good or fit me correctly. Yeah. harm, like everything, your hormones are going crazy. So just that little bit can help. Yeah. Yeah. Don't just, but it's more than it's just like the number though. Like if you don't have something that fits you to just go get something that fits you so that you, don't have to have that over your head of like, when am I going to get back to pre like, don't, don't put that on yourself. of the fact, as Leisha said earlier, your shape changes. So like, even though I went, I did eventually get back to my pre-baby weight, I, those clothes still wouldn't fit me. My shape was completely different. Like my waist was bigger, like wider, my butt was bigger, my breasts were bigger. So even though I was back down to that pre-pregnancy weight, those clothes, will never fit me again because I'm not that same shape. I'm a completely different shape. so yeah, that that's definitely a big one, but, going back to the kids and raising confident kids and what I mentioned earlier is, raising body, kids in general. but the bullying and even in the bullying for us started with the skirts, the skirts and the shorts. And then it kind of just. I mean, I feel like it was just really up and down. And over those years, we had to talk a lot about the way your body feels and how you're fueling your body. And if you're a kind person in your heart, that it doesn't matter, you know, and these kids aren't being kind. And so they're, you know, not necessarily being good people. And they have to learn that from other places too. like the whole putting it back on the bully is how I like to approach that. And earlier this school year, Logan had some bullying situation also. And I kind of was just like, you know, it's not about you. It's about them. Right. what they're seeing at home, what's happening, what they're being taught or not taught, that's on them. You know better and you know how you feel and you know how you are and who you are and how you're presenting yourself. So that's what matters. Yeah. So we, had lots of talks about, you feel good? Do you, were you kind? Were you, you know, all these things, but there's, you mean, as you get older, it's the, the, comments become harsher, you know? And, and I think two years ago, she, yeah, she had comments of like, well, all you eat is McDonald's. And, and it was just, I'm like, well, do you, you know, like they probably have had way more McDonald's than you in your whole life. Like. Yeah. mean that's facts though. I'm like, you know, we just that's kind of how we have dealt with it and now Delilah is sixth grade and we haven't had I think if people I mean now you have comments like a big back. It's like this is like the comment like is not, it's also not a, like it's not mean apparently. But it could be if you're sensitive to that subject, yeah. And it just means that like you like food basically. I don't know. It's definitely a new slang and I was like, wait, this sounds so mean. And then I was like, oh, it's not mean. Oh no, it is mean. No, it's not. I know it's really confusing, but I think Delilah has handled it way better. And I think, you know, once they kind of learn to just let it roll off, it doesn't make the bully like be so bad. bullying embodied comments from kids at Delilah over the last several years has been something that has been reoccurring. And so you can only really like give your kid the tools on how to handle that. And then obviously fight with the schools, which I am exhausted of doing, but, just. Yeah, definitely. And just telling people that that's absolutely not okay. we actually did have a really great vice principal last year that as soon as I mentioned, which I don't know how he hadn't known about it yet, but as soon as I mentioned some comments that were being made, he was like fast forward times 10. Like he handled it immediately. yeah, know what principles we're talking about. You know... you have people on the admin side that will help you when it's a school situation. had food issues this year with the admin. I told you about it. And I was like, have you heard of like, you know, people's doing this because I wasn't sure if it was a one off or what. Yeah. was unintentional, but these are the, I'll let you finish the story, obviously, but this is exactly the problems we have with other generations, probably. Yeah, putting these things in the kids' heads. So I'll let you finish because this one had me fired up too. I was not happy about this. was like I sat with it cuz I was like that really Upsets me and I got I started getting like more escalated through the day as I kept thinking about it and then I went and then it like went on for a week of the repercussions from this so Okay, yeah, definitely so I ended up texting Alicia about this because my daughter came home from school one day and I pack her lunch and she has like, I pack her like a pretty balanced lunch. And then I put like a little treat in her lunch because I just, that's just what we do. and so she needed help opening her, hot, the thermos, because she struggles sometimes with twisting off the top. And so she asked one of the aides in the lunch room to open it for her. And then the aides made a comment about, you better not eat that to her little treat that she had in her lunch. And Logan was so confused and worried. And she was like, why can't I eat it? And so she didn't eat the rest of her, she didn't eat her lunch that day. And then the next following days for like the rest of the week, she was so worried and concerned about what I put in her lunch. and if it was okay to eat and you know, like what was perceived okay and not okay. And I just got, as the week got on, I was just got more and more mad and livid about the situation. And like you can hear I'm getting a little worked up as I'm talking. And then I'm emailing the school. First I texted Leisha because I was like, am I blowing myself a portion? Like what the heck? And Leisha was like, what the frick? No. not only that, but like it was Logan's reaction. Cause it would have been one thing if she was like, okay, whatever. And just went that day, but it was the whole week that she was kind of scared to like eat her special treat that you pack for her every day. It's just. it, it made me so mad. Cause it was like my little thing, just like a little something for the middle of the day that mom loves her, you know, little lunch pack, treat, little pick me up, which we all do that, you know? And yeah, that aid just made that comment, which to her probably was not a big deal. Just was saying whatever, but it was pivotal. your mental. you know, for my daughter, she's never heard food spoken about that way because we don't talk about food like that. Obviously as I put a treat in her lunch and have plenty of little treats myself. So I ended up emailing the school and was like, I ended up having jihachi. I highly recommend as a mom using chat GBT for your angry emails for one. Oh, a little more level headed, but still like. Number one suggestion. I mean, I use chat for a lot of other family stuff too, but I have used chat a few times for school emails and I had basically just dumped on chat GBT. And then at the end of it was like, this has to go to a school admin because this situation happened and then dumped all my emotions, all my thoughts, all my, we need to retrain staff if they're talking about food like this to kids, like think about how this is detrimental to other kids who don't have a family at home that is like. Whoa, whoa, whoa, not cool. And we're causing eating disorders for these elementary school kids from comments like that. And so I put all that in the email. No, go. expert guest needs, we need to get her like speaking at schools for that exact reason. exactly. mean, even if it's just to the staff, then at least they're like, this is what parents are doing with their kids, you know, and so that they can reinforce that healthy habit at school, which I mean, and then hopefully on themselves. And you know what else? You know how many freaking suckers and treats these kids get all day at school? It is unreal the amount of candy. I helped with the play a couple of weeks back and we literally were handing out candy to make the kids be quiet. Like, we were bribing them with candy. that because I do that with the twins sometimes I'll have like suckers in my bag. 100 % recommend having like quiet candy in your bag for those emergency moments and I'll be like stickers candy like Yeah, so no, that whole situation was... It just was... It could have been simple, but it wasn't because that's not how you guys do, like, your life. That probably sounded rude. But like, it was the way that Logan reacted that prompted you having to do something about it. Mm-hmm. It's not, you know, treats aren't bad, you know? Yeah, it just kept carrying on. then I kept, I didn't email on day one because I was like, okay, it's fine. We'll talk about it at home. You know, people are going to say things and I can't always, you know, go talk to them, control it. So we'll work on this at home, talk about it some more. But then I just started getting more and more angry as the week continued and Logan continued having this issue which we've never had before. my issue and part of my personality is like they're doing that to other kids like you said they're doing it to other kids if she did if they did it to her other parents are packing the same kind of lunches and they're doing it to all of them and what if the kids don't say what if they don't tell their parents and what their parents don't do anything about it and so how many kids are they making these comments and now they're Now they're doing this but sorry, we're obviously both very like fired up over this food and kid thing But it's this real life like this sure. Because like my five year old is getting told not to eat something. Her mother packed her in her cold lunch, technically a hot lunch, but you know, they call cold lunch, we take it from home. And I just can't imagine like another kid who is maybe not getting Like they're having different things packed because of like whatever they're, they keep at home and somebody being like, that's not healthy. And they're talking about their whole lunch as a whole. And that's like, not cool. The kid, you know, same as a baby better fed than not fed. Right. Right. yeah, I, that's, that's just extremely good. I, now I want to talk about how we structure our plates and how we go about finishing your food or taking more bites or, cause we both, think we both do things differently, but like, I really appreciate the way you do it. because I think it's really great. But every kid's different too. And they'll like push boundaries or they'll just kind of be like, whatever. something we've we've adapted. Like the twins will eat everything and anything. I swear they'll eat a rock off the floor. But like Logan, as she's been getting older and more more developing her taste, I guess. And we've had to adapt some of our table rules. Yeah. so let's so one one thing I want to start off with is like you your family, which I always kind of was like yeah, I really I really like that but it just hasn't ever quite made it but is like having the treat with dinner So or like lunch with lunch So like if you know that you're gonna have ice cream or you know, you're gonna have cake or whatever Just serving it with your meal, you know a lot of people Yeah, and then they're more apt to eat Mm-hmm. Because they're not like thinking about the tree. Right. Instead of like, okay, eat your dinner and then you can have X, Y, Z. I try really hard to be more lenient on that. And so sometimes my kids, will ask, you know, they'll, they'll make their own deals now they're old enough to make their own deal. So they'll say, if I eat my dinner, can I have this? Or if they ask if they can have it with dinner, I'm like, sure. You know, like if you want to have a milkshake with dinner, sure. Like you make it, you can have it, whatever. But like, did that a lot with Logan. I think it helped like desensitize her a bit to like that treats are like a waaahhh the kind of thing, you know? I don't do it as often with the twins. I do like during like breakfast and lunchtime, but not as much at dinner time. Just because it's kind of like a That's like our one family meal situation. And I don't usually plan a dessert. Like, yeah. I mean, that's hard one too, because it's just the like special times, but yeah, letting them have like those little bits. know, my, so I mean, I guess for my kids' lunch, I make them pack their lunches because they, I obviously monitor what they're putting in it and they know what a meat, a cheese, a fruit, a vegetable, and then they have a snack or two that go with it. I literally, I literally, I think everybody that knows me knows that that's my thing. but like, If like Jameson, if they get candy from Easter, we'll say, and if they, you know, I obviously sometimes I'm like, yeah, eat all the candy now, or you can save it and put one in your lunch every day. Cause it's just something for every day. I try to be really better about that, but the dinner one. And if you have a certain something that's if you made cookies and they want a cookie, like just let them have the cookie with the dinner. So I just really liked that. But then the other thing is how you handle eating until they're full. Right. Especially for all together. Logan will be very like, I'm done and not have eaten a single bite. So sometimes I'll be like, okay. Well, then you can sit there until everybody's done. because she's more likely to eat then like not gonna just take off and run around. She doesn't have to eat, but if she's sitting at the table and knows she doesn't have the option to run off then whatever. But also more often than not when we're together, like the kids don't get to always be together. I'll be like, whatever then, you know. Yeah. Yeah, I've done that with my kids. I don't. I don't really, my kids are older now, so it's kind of hard for me to remember like how we did that, but I mean, obviously as a parent, you know when they should be full and you know what they're eating when they're younger. But now I'm kind of like, we don't really have those battles, I guess. My kids like food in general. Delilah's been more picky about cooked vegetables. And so at dinner, she will pretty much, well, even salad, like she'll refuse to eat vegetables anymore. And so that's been kind of our thing lately. was Logan's thing when she was little. She would only eat raw vegetables, but she would not eat cooked vegetables. So I always just set aside whatever vegetable it was and just kept it raw for her. if you had told me that and so then I was like, hey, Delilah, if you don't want these ones and you need to go grab a couple different like fresh ones or whatever or whatever. very strong on this and have held true to it since becoming a mother of never making an alternate meal side, anything for my kids. because I just refuse either you eat it you don't kind of thing. and I, but I will make adjustments. So like if one of them really doesn't like pepper, then I won't put pepper on theirs. Or if like one of them is really like adverse to onions, which all three of my kids kind of are. Logan used to eat them raw, but now she's like, onions. So I just won't put onions in their portion. Or like Logan not liking raw vegetables, like liking raw vegetables, but not cooked vegetables. So I would take the same vegetables and just not cook a portion. Yeah. Yeah. it's really funny last night, I said, Delilah's been having issues with vegetables, which could be a sensory thing too. but yeah. Yeah. Like a texture. Yeah. Well, I look over at Delilah, we had green beans, just roasted green beans, like frozen ones I roasted in the oven. So they're, they're not slimy. They are like still a little crunchy, but like they're cooked the way I cooked them. Whatever. I look over and I didn't put a ton on her because like, know she doesn't. I give her a very modest amount, like a two bites worth of vegetables for an 11 year old. I think it's ridiculous personally, as we're talking about all this, but I'm like, come on. know she hasn't eaten a vegetable all day. She can have two bites of this vegetable. I look over and she had shoved all of them in her mouth. She's getting it over with. one bite. I eat my plate and I've been teaching Logan this because I was like, I think we just need to figure out like a roadmap to success a little bit. Eat your least favorite thing first so you can savor the rest of your food, you know? And I do that still as an adult. Like I don't love broccoli. I know broccoli is like pretty good for you. So I'll have a small portion because I don't like it, but I'll eat it first. 100%. So Logan, she has struggles with proteins like chicken, hamburger, steak, and that's 100 % a texture thing. But she'll do ground beef and ground chicken pretty okay. But when it's like whole. So I'll be like, you know, eat it first or eat it with something. put parrot. Yeah. wouldn't you rather pair it with other food? And she was like, no. So we've been teaching that because I was like, cause then it will hide something that whatever it is that you're not liking about it. It most likely will mask a little bit while you're still getting the protein or whatever. But something we recently, probably in the last year, year and a half started with Logan for plate without trying to be like force her to eat her plate is the four, the three bite rule. That's it's three bites. Yeah, that was the other thing I wanted to go over. so she, like I said, has certain things where she's like, as soon as she sees chicken, no. I'm like, okay, well, I want you to try three bites. And so how I've described it to her is the first bite is to get past the shock of, second bite is to be like, and the third bite is to be like, okay, I do where I don't like it. And if she still doesn't like it after the third bite and like truly thinking about it, then she doesn't have to eat the rest. if that's really how she feels. And I think this is a good way for me to be like, we need to expose ourselves to new things and not immediately shut things down. And for me to also encourage her to eat without forcing her to eat the whole meal, you know? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think do Did you it might have been my mom though? Delilah the other day was like you have to try something three different times or two different times. Is it you? Do you say that? Not like not you don't take three bites but you like you need to try it three separate times Okay, maybe mom picked yeah Okay So like you try avocado and the first time you're like, it a couple more times. And then also your taste buds change every seven years. So. So yeah, well Delilah said something about this the other day so you have to try something more than once or whatever She said and I was like, yeah, I mean, this is very true I know I think it totally is takes a village. It takes a village. You got to take little pieces from everywhere But no, I think that pretty much wraps up what we wanted to talk about today if you guys have anything that you do specific for a specific reason for your family yourself, for your kids, for whoever. Yeah. let us know because we are always open to learning new things and if it could benefit us, our community, even our, we have a Facebook book group of moms. So if you want to join that, let us know. But we would love to share it with any of those people, different opinions on this topic. if you have more that you would like to learn on this topic or expand upon or questions, we, like I said, are having an expert on soon. And you can ask us those questions. I was just trying to think of when this was airing. This episode will go out mid-April. you guys have a couple weeks before the expert what could be coming on. I'm counting the schedule in my head. That's the problem with like how when it doesn't go out like the same day or next day, you're like, wait a second. this one's gonna go on. won't have that guest on We won't be interviewing them until the following week, so we will have time So if you have questions or like you have feedback or like you're like, I'm doing XYZ. Is this how I should be doing this or anything like that? We would love to have those kinds of questions so we can give them to our specialist expert on the subject. I'm sure she would love to have that to kind of jump as a jumping point to go into other subjects. Yeah, and she, this isn't somebody that's just anybody. She is a licensed therapist who specializes in eating disorders. And so she has incredible information on these topics in general. love hearing her talk. I just like, yeah, I could listen to her talk for a while. She's really, really great. love all. have personally actually had something happen and I went and posted it in her group and I was like, it was laughable to me at the time. it still is. Yeah. so, yeah. Yeah. and then you shared it. was like, yeah. Yeah. So I went to her and I was laughing with her about it and I just don't let those things, it makes me mad, but I don't let them affect me. And I handled it in the way that I needed to, but it, it definitely could. that were seeing it and or that were receiving that comment because I know who that comment went to. Yeah. absolutely. So I went to this person that we're gonna have on and we kind of we talked about it and it we were laughing about it, but it just she's really great. Her insights are really great. We're really excited to have her on. So if you guys have any questions for us, then you have for her or anything or want to share anything with us, please do so. love this kind of episode, let us know. Cause we are always looking for more guests. So if you guys are like, I want more on this subject. Or if your guys are going to talk about that, why don't you talk about this and we will do it. All right. Thank you.