Get It Together, Weirdo

Unmasking the Myth of Imperfection: How Embracing Imperfection Can Reduce Anxiety

• Sarah Bowser, That Weird Nerdy Mom • Episode 18

Share episode

Does this sound familiar? Don't stress about being perfect, but also make sure you look great, have everything together, and don't mess up. 

Society loves to remind us that there's no such thing as perfection, but then turns right around and expects us to be perfect. Perfectionism has been a shadow that's followed Get It Together, Weirdo host Sarah Bowse her entire life. She spent so much time and energy making sure everything was just right because she thought that's what she needed to do to feel worthy, to be accepted, to avoid losing everything. 

Spoilers, sweetie. She learned that she doesn’t need to be perfect. And neither do you. 

In this episode of Get It Together, Weirdo, Sarah dives into the vicious cycle of perfectionism and people pleasing — why we fall into it, how we can break free, and how we can embrace imperfection as part of our growth. 

Want to stay in the loop on new episodes, posts, and other tidbits that Sarah shares? Go to thatweirdnerdymom.com to hop on her email list, or join her for weekly coworking on Mondays. 

What you’ll learn in this episode: 

  • Perfectionism can be an exhausting cycle, but recognizing it is the first step to breaking free. 
  • Past experiences often shape our need for perfection, but understanding these roots helps untangle them. 
  • It's okay to not have everything look perfect, be perfect, and stay perfect. 
  • Learning to embrace imperfection is not only more sustainable but liberating and key to personal growth. 
  • Mistakes and setbacks are where the magic happens  — with every mistake, you learn something new, become more resilient, and figure out what works for you. 

Noteworthy quotes from this episode:
“Society loves to remind us that there's no such thing as perfection, but then turns right around and expects us to be perfect.” 

“Maybe you grew up in an environment where mistakes weren't allowed or where praise only came when you did something perfectly.  Maybe you internalized the idea that your worth is tied to your achievements.” 

“ You don't need to perform or achieve or perfect your way into worthiness.” 

“When we start to understand the root of our beliefs around perfectionism, we can then begin to untangle them.” 

“I don't have to laminate everything, and neither do you.” 

Join the Get It Together, Weirdo community

Welcome to Get It Together Weirdo, the podcast where we dive into ways to help you figure out how you can tackle your to-dos, keep track of your side quests, and manage your time in a way that works for your brain so you can focus on nerding out on the things that make you do a happy dance. I'm Sarah Bowser, your get-your-shit-together coach and resident weirdo here to guide you on your journey. So let's get it together, weirdo.

Hey there, my wonderfully weird friend. Welcome back to Get It Together, Weirdo, the podcast where we tackle life's messiness, embrace our quirks, and figure out how to live in a way that works for us. I have a little paradox for you. Society loves to remind us that there's no such thing as perfection, but then turns right around and expects us to be perfect. Sound familiar? It's like, don't stress about being perfect, but also make sure you look great, have everything together, and oh, don't mess up.

So today we're diving into the vicious cycle of perfectionism and people-pleasing, why we fall into it, how we can break free, and how we can embrace imperfection as part of our growth.

Perfectionism has been a shadow that's followed me my entire life. I've always been that person who laminated everything, literally because I couldn't stand the thought of stuff getting messed up, crinkly, or bent. I wanted everything to look perfect, be perfect, stay perfect. I spent so much time and energy making sure everything was just right because I thought that's what I needed to do to feel worthy, to be accepted, to avoid losing everything.

And while I thought that was my key to acceptance, the truth is that I was actually mocked constantly by my classmates, my peers, friends, and family for being the only one to always laminate things, for being a teacher's pet, for being an overachiever. It wasn't until the last few years, specifically during the pandemic, that I realized how exhausting and unsustainable this mindset was for me. It's taken a lot of work and a lot of uncomfortable sitting with my own thoughts to begin breaking free of the idea that I have to be perfect at everything. Spoilers, sweetie. I don't have to laminate everything, and neither do you.

So why are we like this? Why do we feel this overwhelming need to chase perfection? A lot of it comes down to how we've been shaped by our past. Maybe you grew up in an environment where mistakes weren't allowed, or where praise only came when you did something perfectly. Maybe you internalized the idea that your worth is tied to your achievements. Whatever the reason, those early experiences can create this deeply held belief that anything less than perfect will never be good enough for you or for anyone around you.

When we start to understand the root of our beliefs around perfectionism, we can then begin to untangle them. But that's only step one. Step two is we have to let go of unrealistic expectations. Because if we're honest with ourselves, most of the expectations that we hold ourselves to are absolutely bonkers. Think about it. Would you ever expect a friend or a loved one to be perfect all the time? Of course not. So why do we hold ourselves to these impossible standards?

A lot of it has to do with people-pleasing. We want to be liked, accepted, valued. But constantly trying to meet what we perceive other people's expectations to be leaves us drained and disconnected from our own actual needs. Breaking free of these patterns starts with recognizing that you are enough just as you are. You don't need to perform or achieve or perfect your way into worthiness.

We also need to learn to embrace our mistakes. And this is a tough one, especially if you've spent your whole life believing that failure is the end of the world. But mistakes and setbacks are where the magic happens. They're what bring us back to reality and teach us what we need in order to grow. It's a cliche for a reason, but failure really is a stepping stone to success. It's not about getting it right the first time. It's about learning from what didn't work and moving forward. Because if we got everything perfect the first time, when would we ever experiment with anything? Why would we bother trying anything new? And if we're not trying something new, how do we know what we're doing actually works for us?

So with every mistake you make, you learn something new, become more resilient, and figure out what actually works for you. Now, what about the people in your life, though? If you're surrounded by people who constantly expect you to perform to please and perfect, it's going to be really hard to let go of those tendencies. And if perfection is what they expect of you, are they truly supportive of you? Do they really have your best interests at heart? It's so important to surround yourself with supportive people, people who accept you as you are, not as they want you to be. Try to seek out relationships where you feel safe to be imperfect. Find other people who are on a similar journey or who are a little further down the path. Think of the friends and family who you know love you for who you actually are, not for who they imagine you to be. These are the people who will cheer you on, remind you to give yourself grace, and help you reframe your mistakes as opportunities.

Another powerful tool in breaking free from perfectionism is cultivating positive thoughts. It's not about toxic positivity or pretending everything is fine when it's not. It's about shifting your focus from your self-deprecating, self-defeating thoughts to something that's more helpful. Instead of obsessing over what went wrong or what didn't meet your expectations, focus on what you've learned and how you've grown. What was something somewhat good that came out of whatever it is you were trying to do, even if it's just, well, I didn't die. That's totally valid and you could be happy about that. Gratitude can be a huge help here. When something doesn't go as planned, take a moment to reflect. What can I be grateful for in this situation? Well, I didn't die. How can I use this experience to grow? Remember, positivity and gratitude don't erase the challenges, but they can help you reframe them in a way that feels more constructive and less overwhelming.

So what's the big takeaway here? Perfection isn't real, but the pressure to be perfect is. And the only way to break free from that pressure is to let go of unrealistic expectations, embrace your mistakes, and surround yourself with people who lift you up. It's a process. It's not always easy, but every step you take, no matter how small, brings you closer to living a life that feels authentic and fulfilling.

So this week, I challenge you to pick one area of your life where you're chasing perfection. What's one small thing you can let go of? What's one step you can take to embrace imperfection and move forward in this area?

Thanks so much for listening. Today you can find complete show notes, links to resources mentioned, as well as a link to our co-working community on our website at thatweirdnerdymom.com. Be sure to leave a rating or review and check me out on Instagram at @that_weirdnerdymom. Feel free to shoot me a DM. I'd love to hear from you.

Until next time, my wonderful weirdo. You've got this. Bring out your weird.