Hello friends and a very welcome to Transcontrol Stress with Dr. Ash. Are you ready to turn stress into your conflict? For the 50s now, Dr. Ash is working education across three continents. India, the United Kingdom, and the United States is healthy. East weakness first stress and health happiness. To help you transform your stress into a powerful tool for growth and mobility. Each week, you'll share practical tools and life-changing insights from people, including the boiling frog, to help you manage your stress, find balance, and live a life of purpose. Please join us every Friday at 5 p.m. and let's start turning stress into strength together. Now let's dive into today's episode.
SPEAKER_01Welcome to the Transforming Stress with Dr. Ash. A big welcome to you. And I've been really looking forward to having this session with you for a very long time. And finally, we have made it today.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, great. It's great to be here. I enjoy talking about strengths and how people can have more hope and confidence and be more productive and have relationships. I love talking about the uniqueness of people by their talents. It's positive, it's informative, and it's inclusive. So I really appreciate the opportunity. And so great to be.
SPEAKER_01Phil, for the benefit of the uh listeners, if you would like to introduce yourself, that would be great.
SPEAKER_02Yes, thank you. Phil Eason, I am the president of Performance Leadership Group, which takes a strength-based approach to leadership development. But all leaders are individuals first. And that's so important. So many of us work so much on the outside of our clothes and what techniques I have, but it comes from within. It truly does. So that's what I do. Uh and performance leadership group, what that is, we maximize human potential. We maximize human potential uh by identifying and developing a person's potential. We're also unique. We really believe that uh everyone is uniquely talented, and only by applying their strengths can they reach excellence. Oh, great question. A talent's just potential. I had the potential, a natural way of thinking, believing, and behaving. A strength is a consistent, near-perfect performance that's synonymous with results of getting something done. People take the Clipton Strengths assessment and they say, Oh, aren't I unique? It's not enough to be unique. How do you turn it into performance? There's a you know so people and it's really developing a talent which you were anointed with into a strength. And that takes development. And in performance leadership group, we use the tick method, if I can say that, is we teach for understanding, we involve you for learning, but we coach for refinement to get to excellence. The worst thing they could put on my tombstone, Osh, is here lies Phil. He was about average. That's not what I want. I want them to say, here lies Phil. He excelled because he did he developed his talents into strengths. It's about excellence. So that's what I do. And if I could, real quick, and I think I have strategic is a talent theme. There's probably a zillion talents, but Don Cliff done over 60 years of research aggregated to 34. You take the strength talent, you take the Clifton strength assessment. So my top five talent themes, talent is strategic. It's in the strategic thinking domain. Big picture. I can see the barriers, I can see around the corner. I can. I'm not bragging. I claim mine. Now, humility is then is also claiming what you don't have, and I'll be glad, but but but denying what you are given is not humility. No. So I claim that and I developed it. I use it all through my career. I didn't even know it. You don't know these things, and it helped with resiliency. Big picture for me. I know now, and number two, I have is input. Um, input is just that love absorbing information that's of a practical nature. And I get with Osh and he feels he feeds my input. He feeds my input, he gives me practical, knowledgeable things. And his book, The Bullying Frog, is not theoretical. It's input, because Dr. Osh has this. It's input is you take practical. Number three, I have developer. And and input's also a way of thinking, strategic thinking domains. I have developer. Oh, and that my developer is to invest in people, to see the potential of people and invest in them. I love my developer. It just to see people grow and get better. Had nothing, but I've developed it. I like it. And a sign of a talent is you have a yearning for it. I've always done that. I always yearn to coach, to lead, to develop. So that's number three, and that's in the relationship building domain. Yes. Number four for me is a ranger, and that's a way I get things done in a nutshell, effective flexibility. Effective, I can when I was in leadership, I had a great chief financial officer. He said, We've had a lot of different leaders here, Phil, but no one scrambles better than you. Yeah, I can reflect. I'm not necessarily organized, I'm organizing. And then I apologize for number five because it causes me great problems. What is that? Communication. I like to share what I know. I love to share what I know. And I, people with high communication, and I'm I do this. I learn. I learn by talking. When I follow the GPS and it tells me 200 feet turn right, I say out loud, 200 feet turn right. I'm unique. That's that we're all unique. We are all unique. And it changed my life in 1992 when someone said, Phil, you cannot be anything you want to be. You can be a whole lot more who you are. I quit fixing myself. We're we're fixated on trying to fix people by identifying people's weaknesses. But great contribution is he wants people to feel alive, feel abundance. And that's we should. And when we get to working our we get to work on our talents and strengths, oh, it feels good. It feels good. And in an organizational level, you hire people for their talent, then you treat their talent well. So that number five is communication. So you put input with me, a lot of stuff coming in. I want to share it. Your top five talents is like falling out of bed. It's like you just that's how you start your day. I start my day every day absorbing the news or something I didn't know. So that's who I am. I I've been in leadership positions most of my life. Even when I was a high school football player in America, I was in that position to yearning to lead, to do that. So I've always been in that. And really, the goal is that leaders should be creating this culture that's strength-based, engagement focused. And we talk about stress. The opposite of stress is engagement, where you really engage, you're involved, you're committed, you're enthusiastic about. So I work with leaders and maybe myself too. I try to, whatever I'm leading, let's be strength-based. Let's look what's right with people. Let's see if we can get people engaged, whether it's the family or whatever. And engagement is I'm involved in, I'm committed to, and I'm enthusiastic about my contribution. Enthusiastic is important. Not when the road is flat, huh? It's when it's a little steep. Going up the hill is when you call an enthusiasm. I know I should go and do a marathon. That when you're enthusiastic, it fuels you, not on the flat ground, but going up. And then performance-oriented. It's about performance. It's about performance. It's a it's about performance. It's not enough to know. That could be a performance helping another person. That could be whatever. That's your mission and what's important. I work with people that are about how to how do we get leaders? Because that's what has to happen. People have to work in a culture where they get to use their strengths, the they're they're engaged, and it's about contributing, driven by well-being. It's a sense of well-being. So that's what I do more than you maybe wonder here. But that's a little bit of who I am, my talents. And I and I want to say this if I could, Almas. Sure. You've had great impact on me. The things you do. And I don't have a medical degree. I I I was a history major and taught and stuff. But and I think I thought of the other day when a friend of mine is reading a book about the history of Africa. Africans have this saying, there's a name for it, but I'm not very good at syntax. I am who I am because of who we are. Oh, I love that. That is so beautiful. The essence of strengths is you can help me have what I don't have. We got non-talents too. You can't be with those top five. But can I say Can you say that? Can you say that again?
SPEAKER_01I am I am what I am who I am because who we are. Because who we are. That is so powerful. And that is the power of synergy as well.
SPEAKER_02That is it's a great point. That's the real power of strengths. I know what you have, you know what I have. And the key to any relationship is trust. And when you share what you don't have with somebody, I don't have deliberative, I don't have focus, I don't like conflict. I've shown my that's called vulnerability, and that's called humility, too. This is why I don't have. And that bring that builds that vulnerability trust. And that's the best trust. I'm vulnerable, help me, trust me. Yeah. So I I did somebody shared with me. I thought, yeah, Osh. I don't uh says, Oh, I coach him. No, Osh coached me.
SPEAKER_01No, it's always a conversation. Let's put it like this that we have coaching conversations. And I have these coaching conversations with my colleagues all the time. When we were, when I'm in the hospital and I'm just walking, I would meet my colleagues, and we'll just have a small talk. And we will sometimes out of that a huge amount of insight would come out. It's also say emotional self-care, mental self-care, and just some small exchanges can really recharge you as you go.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Oh, Aisha, I love to hear it when you say I heard the other day when you were on a webinar and you brought it up. No one grows and gets better. Yes. Unless someone cares cares. To another humanity that cares. And you can't care for somebody you don't know. You can't. Yes. And the best way to know somebody is what they do. That's who they are. Not what they don't do, but what they do. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Phil, I'm going to make one observation. The boiling frog analogy is that in the context of the chronic stress can be hidden, it can be in serious, it can be under the radar. And the person keeps adapting to it till the time they have the effects of chronic disease chronic stress. It could be disease, it could be manifestations of acute stress, which can be more severe, like a heart attack or a stroke. And in terms of management of that, can you share the management of stress from a strength perspective perspective? I speak about the jacuzzi effect. And you can see the illustrations behind me, the background is the frogs here are now in the jacuzzi. So they have converted a stressful environment into a comfortable, soothing jacuzzi. I feel it is very important that we are placing ourselves in environments which is able to maximize our strengths. So for that, the first key is self-awareness, being aware of what our top strengths are, and is the environment serving that? And are we able to find colleagues or people with whom we can leverage if we have any areas which where we don't have that high levels of strength? Could you please speak to that? Because that's so important, not only for transforming stress, but also making it as a very beautiful, enjoyable experience. Because we go to work, we go to work to create value, but we also want to have a sense of satisfaction of what we are doing. So please, if you mind speaking to that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's that is great. Yeah. When we speak that me first say that we want to be happy. That's that's being alive is to be happy. And your goal is not to see what the neat world needs, it should start off with, what do I need to feel alive? What do I need to feel alive? And it's best when you get to do what you do well. When you get there's only two groups, and I'm gonna speak American, two groups in America that like to do over and over again what they don't do well. The mentally ill and golfers, oh well, I want to get better. No, we like to do what we do. When we get to do what we do, we're more productive, we have better relationships, we have more hope. So, in the essence, I guess with the answer to your question, I'll say first, you look at what's my talents. What are my talents? Next is relationships. How do I build relationships with people? And how do I build caring relationships where kindness is what it's about, where I can tell somebody that's getting in your way, that whatever it is, but you shouldn't. There's a difference between kind and nice, and I won't go there, but leaders don't have to be nice, they must always be kind. So you what is your talent? And then relationship. Relationships are so important, especially when you know each other's strengths and weaknesses. Oh, okay, yeah, makes it changes it. And so that is really key. And you can't have meaning, you talk about having conversations, you can't have meaningful relationships. I mean, you can't have meaningful conversations until you develop a relationship first. Our conversations are deep because I feel like relationship with you, Ash.
SPEAKER_01That's been built over a period of time.
SPEAKER_02Yes. We talk sometimes and you're tired. I see you're tired, but you still, so it's not simply having conversations, but conversations become meaningful when we've taken time to develop relationships. And I contend it's best to know people by what they do well, not what they don't do well, makes it better. So you build this relationship, and then you set the right expectation. The right expectation, not high expectation. If you want to destroy people, ask them to do things over and over again, that's in their repertoire. Ask Phil to sit in a room and be quiet. Oh my gosh, it's gonna be tough. So you know your talent. Yes, yes, that is so true.
SPEAKER_01That is so true. Well, I'm saying with the context of kids, also.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_01Kids, if they want to be active and you want them to sit down, and these these days it's happening that parents are just giving video games or some kind of distractions uh to pacify them. And so that's not the that's not the best way to help them nurture their talents.
SPEAKER_02No, and that is so true, and talents develop best in relationship. I am who I am because of who we are. They always build so that relationship is so important, but it's the right expectation. How do you know how can you have an expectation of someone when you don't know them? What is it? I don't have deliberative. It it that's one of the 34 talent themes. You talk to somebody that's high and deliberative, and you say, Hey, what do you think? Oh no, I need time to think. You don't do that to that person because they need to go reflect and think. Phil's got it 34. He'll tell you it's not high on me. So it's your talents. And and it's hard. You you need to take the assessment. It's grounded in research, think of 70 years, and it Gallup is trying to analyze the unanaly, it's not their analytical company trying to analyze the unquantifiable. What's your talents? Take the assessment and then develop relationships. Develop relationships, people around that. And then the right expectation. And when I'm saying this, Ash, I'm saying even on ourselves. What are my talents? What's the relationship I have with myself? You were anointed with these great talents. How lucky are you? Now invest in them. But a relationship with self, when you talk about self-awareness, that's really I know my power and edge and my vulnerabilities. I know my power because you're talent, and I know my edge, what gives me an edge, what makes me really excel. But it also I know my bond. That's self-awareness. Number two, that's not enough. Number two is self-expression. What's how do I think, believe, and behave naturally? How do I think and believe and behave naturally? That's called self-expression. And you use it so well, and it's true. Then you got to self-manage or self-regulate. That's emotional intelligence. When you step those three together, now we're talking emotional intelligence. I know my power and edge, I know my vulnerabilities, but I also know how they're expressed by the way I believe, think, and behave. And I know I have to self-manage it. Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely. It's not about high expectations, it's not about low expectations, it's about the right expectation. Nothing happens until someone expects something of you in ways you can achieve. Does that not feel good? Man, somebody's expecting something of me. And when you put the expectation too high, then it's lose all motivation. It's the right expectation. It's the right expectation for yourself. Now, having said all that, you should expect yourself too. And I try, I work. You got to manage your talents, your talents, your talent themes, or they can trip you up too if you people misperceive it or you you mismanage it. You got to manage it, right? And then the last one, I the last part of that formula, maybe. So you got your talents, or your talents, you develop relationships with yourself. I'm okay. I'm okay. And I got a path to excel because I know if I develop my talents into a strength, I'm gonna max my potential. That's a good feeling. That's wow, let me go. And then I uh the right expectations for yourself and for others. Don't set people up for failure by setting high expectations. Set the right expectation. Then the last one of that is reward and recognition. Do I reward myself enough? Osh gets out there and gets his run in, a little reward. There's been no research, and you may have a better idea than I do, there is no research I'm aware of that anybody's ever died from too much praise or recognition. Uh, we love it. That's the real catalyst that gets us to do more. So you got your talents. That's a long answer, but you're not surprised. Talents, relationship, the right expectation, and reward or praise or recognition. Yes. Here, you want to be engaged people, doesn't cost you a penny. Give them recognition with do a good work. Don't work with the I worked with a leader one time. I said, You want to give praise and resign recognition every seven days for doing a good job. They said, I got two that'll do a good job in seven days. I said, What are they still doing here? So praise and recognition. We we we hold it too much. So I I don't know if I answered your question, but that's
SPEAKER_01That's that is some incredible insights. How can the listeners get to know their strengths?
SPEAKER_02There's two it gets another towns. Let me the Clipton Strengths Assessment. I'll be glad to give my email and be glad to send somebody an assessment, but I'm always a little reluctant to do that only for one reason. They don't know how to use the tool. They take it wrong. They want to see what's wrong with them, that what's right with them. Or they say, hey, this is who I am. You live with it. No, you got to manage what you are. So the best tool I know, let me say, in big pit, it just up real big. You want to know what your strengths are? There's about five ways. Is one, you have a yearning for it. It just naturally pulls you to it. It just naturally pulls it to you. Number two, or not in no special order, is I gain great satisfaction. I get satisfaction from it. Now, there's a difference between enjoyment and satisfaction. Enjoyment is the process. Oh, I'm enjoying this process. Satisfaction is the result, right? So I think a yearning, it pulls me to do this. Oh, I it just pulls me. And you know that feeling, don't you, Osh? Yes, absolutely. And then I get satisfaction. I get a result and I'm feeling satisfied because I got to use that strength. The other, which is really telling, is rapid learning. If you pick up it pretty quickly, it's a chance, it's a strength. If it's slow learning, enjoy it, but you're not going to excel. I learned to I've learned to play the piano. Why not? I got some time. And my music teacher said, Yeah, they're good students, 12 or 13-year-old kids or eight-year kids, in three weeks, they're picking up pretty quick. He was telling me, it's not your talent. And it's right, it's not my talent. But I can get better. Nothing wrong with that. But I will not excel at the piano. Okay. So a yearning, you can have mis yearnings too. You, if a person goes into a field to make a lot of money, they won't last long. They'll make a lot of money, but they can't do it long because it's not a strength. So you can have mis yearnings. I'm saying I want to do this so I can be the boss. No, that's a mis yearning. You want to be the boss so you can make a difference in people's lives. Or I want to be a teacher so I can have the summers off. No, the yearning is to make a difference in kids' lives. So yearning, satisfaction, rapid learning, glimpses of excellence. You see somebody, or you're you just those people are unique. They see something in you. All the people that had the greatest impact on me as I was coming up saw the talent in me that I didn't see. That glimpse of excellence. You can be this, Phil. Oh no, yeah, you can. What a great isn't that a great talent to see the talent in somebody. Glimpses of excellence. You just that person just for a short moment knocks it out. And then the other one is flow or just continuous. The basketball player doesn't go right foot, left foot. No, it just flows. So that's one. You can look, you there's five things of strength, but to really, I think the Clifton Strengths Assessment is a great tool that's identifying your talent. What? So what? Now you gotta develop it to a near perfect performance in a given task. Wow.
SPEAKER_01So the key is to first of all find your strengths, your top strengths, and what are your challenges, and then possibly work with a coach to see how most effectively you can use them for your own max maximizing your own personal and professional development.
SPEAKER_02Yes, your own personal potential. What is your greatest potential?
SPEAKER_01What is your maximizing your potential? Next, it's about excellence. About excellence.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's it's it's a philosophy, basically know what you do well and then manage. Don't ignore your weaknesses. You have to manage them. Manage your weaknesses. Manage your weaknesses because keep in mind a weakness is a lack of talent or or misuse that causes you problems for you or others. The fact that I can't change a smart plug in a car is not a weakness for me. It doesn't impact my success. Okay. Yes. So so, but I I want to really stress for every talent. You have about 10,000 weaknesses. I suggest manage those. Just manage them. Be aware of them, know how they show up, and then try to find somebody that can help you in that area. Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_01That is absolutely true.
SPEAKER_02Now, it's our human nature to look at what's wrong with people. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01When you say that, look well look what's wrong in people. I remember a very great quotation by Donald Clifton when he says, What will happen if you find out what's right with people rather than what's wrong? Is that right, uh Phil? Remember?
SPEAKER_02Yes. Don Clifton was asked the question: what will happen when people start looking at what's right with people, not fixating on what's wrong with them? It changes the whole relationship.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_02But it really changes this thing called culture. And people will not confuse environment with culture. Culture is intangible. It's about interactions with people, it's about how we feel, and feelings are fact. They are. Our feelings can affect our at the cellular level. And it's not my thing, but I enjoy that input. I enjoy reading it. So that that is really key.
SPEAKER_01So this brings us also to the culture of organizations and cultures of companies where people are working, and sometimes they are not able to live their strengths or maximize their strengths. And also it depends on your on the on your manager or your or or the unit you are working. So what would you say to that, Phil? How do you navigate that kind of that kind of a situation?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's great. And and Alan, answered two way. Leadership is a method. You have a the leader's role is to unite and aim people the same desired outcome. That's leader. It's not a person, it's not a role, it's a goal. Put people together, unite them, and align them to a desired outcome. Now, the manager owns 70% of the engagement. When we talk about culture is the way we get things done around here, including people, how we get things done about here. They say they'll say sometimes that culture eats strategy for lunch, for breakfast. Because your strategy, we're talking about organizational now, your strategy goes through your culture, how we do it. The leader's primary responsibility is to create and maintain the culture. If the leader can't do that, they're not leading. That's primary responsibility. Now, and the manager, and it could be the same person, they're just different goals. The manager's goal is to the development of people. The development of people. That's what the manager does. And the Gallup has done research that what in in the most insightful research that Gallup has done is that the manager owns 70% of the engagement of the employees. It is the manager. You supervise and you boss people and you round it. No one gets better. No one gets better. And remember, the manager's role is to develop people. Their mission is to develop somebody else. And that's best by setting the expectations, coaching them, and holding them accountable. Talented people want to be held accountable. Hold me accountable. But I need to know what's expected of me. I need to know. I'll touch a little bit on that thing called engagement, which is really about being involved, committed, and enthusiastic. That's the kind of that's the kind of employees not going anywhere. Not going to leave the organization for $2 pay raise. No, someone cares about me around here.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_02I know what's expected of me here. I had the materials and information I need to do my job well. I get to do what I do well every day. My opinion seems to count. I've received praise or resignation in the last seven days.
SPEAKER_01They feel respected and valued in an organization.
SPEAKER_02Yes, absolutely. Someone, the question that's there's a Q12 of 12 questions. I'll share it with you sometime. Is someone cares about me? The purpose or the mission of the organization inspires me. People want to be happy. People want to be happy. What's that mean? Have enjoyment, have satisfaction, but have a purpose. No one should go to work for somebody that the purpose of the organization, the group, or whatever is not comparable to their purpose and values. That's what creates this thing called culture. What's the purpose around here? And people will confuse environment with culture. You can drive your car through an environment. It's raining, it's cold, it's snow. A culture is not tangible. The environment is where I work. The culture is who I work with. Guess what really drives things? Who am I working with? Would you agree with that, Anish?
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. I mean, who you are working with can create a lot of synergy, uh, a lot of leveraging the strengths, and can create in a very beautiful, inspiring environment where you create value for yourself, for the organization you're working with, and you have a great time working because you're living your values. But equally, if you are working with people where your values don't the values are not able to be leveraged, or you feel drained because of some kind of a conflict, personality conflict, or toxic behaviors, or so many things. Um that's a full discussion in itself, Phil, about all aspects of organizational trauma. And we won't get into that, that will require another podcast. But the key here is to be actually aware of your strengths, your values, and how you can live those in a particular environment. And if you are able to do, you will feel good about it, you'll feel fulfilled, you'll create value for the organization you're working with. You'll be able to support your colleagues in a very positive way. But if you're not able to do that, then you are actually on a downward spiral. And I realize that we are coming uh to the end of the hour. What could be really good is to summarize what we have discussed in the last uh 40 minutes or so is the first thing what we discussed, it's very important to know your strengths. And thank you for sharing your own strengths, which really reflects in the interactions we've had. You have really had a great influence on my life, and you've had a great input into the boiling frog book as well, and I'm very grateful for that. And I can see how your strengths play and thank you for that. And you guided that the best way would be to do a clift in strengths, to find out what the strengths are, and then find a coach with whom a person can work with, and see how the strengths can be maximized to the fulfillment and the things which are not that developed to all what you want to call weaknesses, which are that how they can be managed. So that's the number one key point I picked here. Then you also spoke about resilience and how it is really important that we live our strengths. We spoke about culture. Would you like to summarize the second half of what we discussed?
SPEAKER_02I do. I I want to say one thing. I'd be remiss anybody listening, get Ash's book. He wrote it for you to be alive and have an abundant life. And it's