Finding Peace When Death Anniversaries Arrive

Grief arrives in waves, especially on anniversaries that mark our deepest losses. In this intimate and vulnerable episode, I open my heart about coping with July 29th – the day my beloved sister and band member Lora passed away in 2020 a year already devastated by tragedy.

I share why I deliberately step away from social media on this painful anniversary, avoiding the well-meaning but triggering posts of graveyard visits and floral tributes. For me, these traditional grief rituals don't bring comfort; they only intensify my sadness. Everyone's grief journey looks different, and I've learned to honor my own needs on difficult days like these. I reflect on my lifelong discomfort with graveyards, stemming from a childhood incident, and how COVID restrictions forced me to attend a graveside funeral I would have otherwise avoided.

The healing journey hasn't been linear. It took years before I could find any semblance of peace with my sister's passing, gradually coming to see it through a spiritual lens as part of a greater divine plan. One unexpected comfort has been dreams where Lora visits me – moments where our connection feels unbroken and whole again. Through all the pain, I'm channeling my emotions into new music, expanding what was meant to be an EP into a full album called "Asleep at the Wheel." If you're navigating your own grief journey, know you're not alone. Your prayers are much appreciated. 🙏 

Season 8 my words

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Chapters

• 1:51 Introduction and Personal Loss
• 2:56 Coping with Death Anniversary
• 5:38 Social Media and Grief
• 7:17 Finding Peace and Acceptance
• 10:10 Music Plans and Moving Forward
• 11:54 Final Thoughts and Gratitude

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:58

Hey there, I'm Regina Swarn. I'm going to make this a very, very short podcast. As a matter of fact, just a few minutes really is all I'll need. As you all know, my beloved sister and my singing partner, very best friend, passed away on July 29th 2020. That was a really rough year. You know the death of my mom, our mom and our other sister as well.

Speaker 1: 2:03

There are days that I want to just I want them to just come and go, and July the 29th is the day that I want to just come and go, because I can remember exactly what I was feeling on that day. You know, I went from getting ready to go see my sister and spend time with her. I guess I was thinking in my heart that you know, if someone sees you, they'll be better, you know. But um, it was just her time, you know. So that's one of the days that I just July 29th every year. I like it to just go and be gone and then, after, when the 30th rolls around, I feel better, I feel a whole new breath of life. So I'm just keeping a really low profile today. I'm not really online anywhere because I don't want to see people posting up pictures of graveyards and visiting the grave. That works for people. It doesn't work for me. The only reason I was at the graveyard for her funeral is because it was during that COVID crap. It was during that time, otherwise I would have never been at a graveyard. I hate going to grave sites. I hate it. I've always hated it, ever since I was a little kid and I almost fell into my grandmother's grave, looked over in the grave and the guys that they physically catch me. I never liked going to grave graveyards ever since then. And I didn't even go to my own dad's grave grave site. You know the burial, um, but see, then again, that was still all before that COVID mess. When COVID came around, then I had to go to the graveyard, you know, because that's where the funeral was. I just want the 29th to go, come and, and I'm just gonna not be on social media as much as possible, um, because, because, again, I don't want to see people taking flowers to the graveyard and all that stuff. That works for many people, it doesn't work for me. It only makes me sad, sadder. So if I don't see things that's going on on social media, then I'm okay, I'm fine. So I'm just going to kind of stay away from it. And you know I'll be all right. I know I will, because I do know that Laura's in my heart and she's with me. As long as she's in my heart, she's with me forever and it's not a day that go by that I don't miss her. I miss her every single day.

Speaker 1: 5:21

But I had to come to the conclusion of what had to happen. You know, sometimes the Lord, he'll do things in our lives for our own good and I think everything happened for her own good. So it took me to realize that I had to. Really God had to speak that to my spirit and I'm okay with it now. I wasn't okay with it five years ago, when it happened. I wasn't okay with it four years ago, three years ago. But when I realized what really happened, what took place, and I'm like, okay now I see, yeah, god, he knows all things and he makes no mistakes, but there's not been a day that's ever happened in my life. I think of her every single day. You got to realize that we grew up together, we made music together, we did so many things together and you know, and I just thought we would just always be together, of all of my brothers and sisters. I thought, laura, I thought the two of us would always be together regardless. But again, the Lord doesn't make mistakes. He do things accordingly for what's best for us and he, he know what he was doing.

Speaker 1: 7:04

So I can say and so I'm technically not online, I do have to put the I just to put this out, but at the same time I can put it out without being on social media, I can post it on social media without being over at Facebook or being on. I don't have a TikTok. My cat's got a TikTok. I don't really like TikTok. My cat's got a TikTok, I don't really like TikTok. I'm sorry, guys, I know a lot of people might not understand this, but I don't care for things like TikTok. I got an Instagram, but I don't really use it that much, or if at all. I got several Instagrams, as a matter of fact, and I don't ever use them, but I'm more determined than ever to put the new music out asleep at the wheel. I know you guys have been hearing about that for a couple months. I continuously keep adding more and more songs. So therefore it's turning into, instead of an EP, it's turning into an album.

Speaker 1: 8:17

So I think that's a bright note in my my life this year. So before I crack my voice started to crack and before I started getting sad or want to cry, I just want to say that I've been fortunate enough to have Laura visit me in dreams and I feel better with her visiting me in dreams. I feel so much better, so much better, and it's almost like we haven't missed a beat. So that was a nervous laugh, guys. So I just wanted to say that I haven't forgotten her, I haven't forgot the anniversary, but I just kind of tend what the end? Tend to want the anniversary to just come and go now, because they're so overwhelming, you know, they're so overwhelming to my heart, so overwhelming.

Speaker 1: 9:31

So this is not about me, so I don't want to make it about myself. I just want to, and I am going to work tonight, which is something I don't generally do. I like to be alone to myself. I like to be to myself when it comes up on the anniversary and I like to be around people and have to deal with people and have to deal with that. But I work overnight, so I'll be going into the day, so hopefully sleeping away a good part of it tomorrow, which is going to be the 29th, so I'm making this audio now so I can have it out of my way.

Speaker 1: 10:21

So, just, you got somebody in your life. Love them, family members, love them, call your relatives, call your friends, call people. Don't want to say that, but um, but that's. I think that's all I'm going to say right now. I have some great podcasts coming up, so I don't want to damper that, you know, with this. So thank you so much for everyone who you know keeps me in your prayers continuously, because I need it Always, need your prayers Always, and I just want to say thank you. Our routine is soaring. You can contact me at soaringroutine at gmailcom, and again, I want to just keep this very low key. Thanks for listening, guys.