Hector Bravo UNHINGED
Official Hector Bravo Podcast
Hector Bravo UNHINGED
A Lifer's Second Chance: Brian James' Journey Beyond Bars
Former lifer Brian James shares his remarkable journey of transitioning from 29 years in prison to three years of freedom, discussing the psychological challenges, family tragedies, and unexpected paths to healing he's encountered since release.
• Incarcerated at 16 in 1993 and released in 2022 at age 45, Brian describes the overwhelming pressure yet the gratitude of newfound responsibility
• Daily triggers include heightened anxiety in certain neighborhoods despite no actual threat, comparing this response to combat veterans' PTSD
• After losing his family home and possessions in a painful dispute, Brian found salvation through Muay Thai training when divine intervention provided exactly the $500 needed to join
• Brian recounts how counting objects—including the 748 holes in his solitary confinement cell door—became a coping mechanism that persists today
• Two critical decisions while incarcerated nearly jeopardized his release: refusing to pass contraband and getting caught with a needle
• The pivotal moment came after his grandmother's death when he contemplated suicide but decided to "put it off for a couple days"
• Currently working on "Lifer," a feature film about his story that highlights prison dog training programs that helped lead him to redemption
• Brian's message to current inmates: "The doors are open, we're free and we're waiting for you"
Support Brian's film "Lifer" by https://seedandspark.com/fund/lifer?token=4a882561872475a193541a98e79a4308a9e377d585b57716578587b27448efdf%23story#story "Lifer" or visiting his Instagram @freebliss1 for donation links.
Hector Bravo Unhinged.
Speaker 2:Chaos is now in session. Welcome back to our channel's Warriors. This is Season 2 of Hector Bravo Unhinged. We took a little break. We're back at it for more. Our first guest of Season 2 is none other than Brian James, a former lifer from the California Department of Corrections. But that doesn't defy him we're going to talk into this episode about how his life has been since he's been out of the prison system. What up Brian? What's up Hector?
Speaker 1:First guest on the podcast. First guest back.
Speaker 2:Season two dude. Yeah, yeah, Congrats bro.
Speaker 1:And I love the ride over here how was it?
Speaker 2:How was the view?
Speaker 1:Beautiful. I sat on the. You know I took the train. I was on the wrong side of the train but you know I looked across and I saw the ocean. It was beautiful, Really grateful Last year excuse me, last week was three years free.
Speaker 2:Three years. I was just about to ask you that, yeah, you still doing the day counter. I mean I have it in my right there I just hit my, my, my Siri tells me in the morning so three years, and we're going to dive into that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, remind us again the year you were got incarcerated to basically the last time you were free bro like to include jail and how old you were at that time so the last time was october of 1993, I was 16 years old and I was released on july 15, 2022, at 45 now and today I'm 48.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was three years ago bro yeah dude, we're getting.
Speaker 2:There's so much to talk about, man. There's so much dude. How, real quick. How would you summarize? How would you summarize the three years that you've been out man, to include hardships, excitement and stuff like that?
Speaker 1:it's, um, it's, it's so much pressure, like so much, but also like it just depends on what I focus on. It really depends on what I focus on. I can look at the fact that I'm overwhelmed and all this life and responsibilities are coming at me, or just appreciate that they are, because I remember sitting in a cell for a lot of years like wishing I had some kind of responsibility. I wish I had somewhere to go, like somebody needed me. So, if, if I zero in on that, I feel like almost unstoppable what I'm able to do. So it's all mindset, as, as you know, right you know.
Speaker 2:So I'm kind of maybe getting the um the equivalence to like a soldier. They get so used to that lifestyle of being in combat that when they come back into society they're kind of overwhelmed by all the daily stressors I'm from, uh, I come from a neighborhood that was in conflict with a neighborhood out there called pacoima okay, basically the city of pacoima.
Speaker 1:whom? Whom I have family members, loved ones and friends today, who are important people in my life. But when I still go there because of my 16 year old self, literally my anxiety rises, my alarms go off, I become way more alert and just in the time and it's exhausting because there's no reason for me to do that Like I'm literally an old timer just driving through delivering my meal prep for my work or whatever, correct, but inside my head it's registering all that stuff and it's crazy, and I actually talked to one of my friends from there recently, um, about that. But that just goes to show man you right now?
Speaker 2:you mentioned old timer, have you? Since you've been out in the three years, have you definitely noticed the generational differences between the youngsters these days?
Speaker 1:yeah, big time but I'm always the guy I paroled from ironwood and we had the youth offender mentor program, okay, and I went there because I wanted to be in that program. There was probably like a hundred plus young men under the age of 25 there for gang related murders and what they would do is they would fill the entire building up scott budnick this was, I believe, the brainchild of him and all these guys would be in there and they would bring older guys like myself who had pivoted and made the change in life and they would put us into that building. So there was maybe like 15 of us were these?
Speaker 2:youngsters were they part of the ya youth authority? Kids that when they shut down, ya, they went to state no, no, that was years ago. You talk about the y when the when that counselor got killed no, what I'm talking about is, uh, they recently shut down, ya as a whole and I one of the prisons at central valley absorbed. I don't know if it was avenal, you know what. I'm not sure but, valley state prison absorbed some of those inmates youngsters.
Speaker 1:Some of them could have been Most of them, I think, did come from reception, but that could have been the case for some of them but we were in there and we basically were. And when I got there it was funny. I had just come from the four yard. I had never been to a three yard in my life. And I get there and I'm telling them like and I get there and I'm telling them like, I want to go to the YOP building because I like to mess with youngsters, I like to be in touch with what's happening new. And the counselor is like are you here to run them? Are you here to teach them? You know, and it was funny, 100% I said I'm there to teach them and you can observe and read everything I read or write, you know, and that was it. And we would run groups and just get to know them. So I'm in touch with all that stuff and so for that, no, it hasn't been a change. I enjoy it. I prefer to spend my time more with the younger crowd.
Speaker 2:Do you believe, because that's a spiritual journey and you're giving back, being selfless.
Speaker 1:Yeah, 100%, and it just does something for me. You know how they say whatever you need in life, give it away to somebody else. Something for me. You know they say whatever you need in life, give it away to somebody else. My friend, um Megan, had a a swim party for her, for her two sons. They're like nine years old, all the kids were there. I'm diving in the kiddie pool like we're going, like I walked away from that feeling so light because life had been heavy. It'd been really heavy recently, so just stuff like that being a child, like yeah, it was, it's the best. It does something for you, it gives something to them I can relate, man you got.
Speaker 2:Everybody knows I'm not a bible thumper, but jesus loved kids and you know I coach my daughter softball on that team. It's rewarding is what it is. It's rewarding, yeah, yeah. So since you've been out, man has uh, have you dealt with challenges?
Speaker 1:yeah, definitely. Um, I worked. I worked at a at a treatment center great place. It was a great job, great staff there. But after a year and a half, the environment. I worked on the front lines. I worked on detox. I'm the one that said, hey, so, and so come up, sit down, and it's the homeless. I go through their bag and we begin a conversation and I move them on to the nurse's station and stuff.
Speaker 1:It became too heavy for me. After a year and a half it just started affecting my personal life and you know again, I'm not a Bible thumper either. But God whispered in my ear it's time to move on to something else. So I moved on to dog training and back in the dog world. But in the middle of that I couldn't find a job. And anybody that knows me or pays attention to what I do, like I don't rest, like I go hard with everything I do, like there's no off time, that's just. I'm not wired that way. And I literally couldn't find a job. It was hard.
Speaker 1:Were you applying? I was applying, but for somebody like me I can't really apply. Why I'm on parole for murder? I've only been out three years, I'm a validated gang member, I'm covered in tattoos and so if you can't explain that through a resume, if you run my record like I don't exist, like there's really nothing there, so it has to be somebody like Hector um, you've helped me in my life and certain things, you've introduced me to people and you've you've allowed me to get on shows and just you know things that you've done in life, and it's the same thing. Like I would need somebody to be like hey, I know a solid dude that will show up and do the job, and that's really the only way that I'm gonna get work, but have you encountered that actual situation where you had to explain your history, or is it just like a fear that you think is gonna happen?
Speaker 1:probably a lot that, but I actually had to explain that to a cop the other day. What do you mean, um? I was driving and I got pulled over and when he pulls me over, says and we've been prepared for this, you know how you license registration yes, sir, are you on parole? And I go, no, sir, and he goes, you're not on parole. I go, no, he goes. You ever been on parole? I go, yeah, and he goes. I said I've been on for about two years and he goes on parole. For what? Now? He goes on parole for what? Now? This is what we prepare for. You know, I said, um, I was actually on parole, for I was a juvenile lifer for a 187 charge. But you'd be surprised what I do today, like I go back into the jails with the kids, I work with dogs, like I quickly like follow it up right, just to like alleviate, because I couldn't imagine hearing something like that. And you know, and it ended with a handshake, no ticket and I went away.
Speaker 2:But talk about whoa twice right now. You mentioned that you've been, you've prepped for a situation like this where did you prep or how did you prep? So in our self-help groups.
Speaker 1:Me and a couple of my friends created a group like that for, like, long-term offenders, like those of us that are going home, that um, because even for myself, when I get around like a, like a police officer, a cop car, like I'm clean in every aspect of my life and I respect them and what they're doing, but I immediately I'm like oh, like, like I'm feeling, if I it's weird and it doesn't really go away, sometimes I'm more chill or whatever, but nonetheless my something immediately shifts, my energy shifts, yeah and um, so some people don't necessarily know what to do with that. So we created a group, you know cause. What do you want? Parole for I'm a double murder. I'm on parole for you know nine attempts, you know I just I got off death row four years ago. They, you know, and there's, if you type it up, just what comes out on that screen, that green writing, if it's still that like it looks terrible and they're gonna want to pull their gun.
Speaker 2:I'd want to pull my gun, dude. I'm actually like surprised and like kind of happy that that you guys even train like that. Yeah, or prepare because bro I would not even have even thought of that yeah, it's just a quick follow-up.
Speaker 1:And you know, shout out to uh Cesar Zuniga at the Anti-Recidivism Coalition. He's the one that kind of planted that idea, because he was a lifer that got out before all of us, okay, and he was giving us game, coming back in Like look, I got pulled over and you know what do you charge with? I'm on trial for murder, bang, why not? Like you know, of course Right. Like you know, of course right. Hit it all, right, right, you looked apart, like so it was a.
Speaker 2:It was a so it was such a major takeaway. I want to take away from this interview with you is to help those that are either going through that right now or that are still in prison, and when they get out, they have an understanding of how it's going to be realistic. Yeah, yeah, um, what? Yeah, yeah. What other? What other challenges and or encounters are similar to that?
Speaker 1:For the most part, not really. And you know for my job right now I'm delivering, I deliver meal prep for for a company and I deliver to a lot of rehabs. I was delivering to the Rams at Loyola Marymount, there for a minute, which I say that to say I'm all over Los Angeles. I'm all over East LA. I'm constantly interacting with people and I've had, I've literally not had any bad experience. I've ran into gang members, homeless people, because I just come with a. It's hard to shoot me when I'm smiling at you.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like I'm not giving off that energy. And you know I'm not a slouch either, right? You know I'm not giving out that energy either. So my interactions in the world and even in social media have, you know, been really good.
Speaker 2:You know, one thing I was thinking is like how you present yourself as well, and maybe even some of these individuals that will be paroling after having a life term.
Speaker 1:It's like hey without even you even saying anything. I don't think anybody's going to test you or want to test you, and that's a big part of the groups, like a lot of times, and I always thought that was the extreme end Like what if somebody pushes you or steps on your shoe, like so what? That's the one thing with prison that you know. I still talk to a lot of lifers in there and when you come out, just leave it. This is the real world. There's nothing. Prison doesn't exist out here. The politics, none of that stuff. It's absolutely ridiculous.
Speaker 2:You're correct, but other problems out here exist.
Speaker 1:A whole new range of them yeah, a whole new set of them, and all our preparation for re-entry into society. Nothing could have ever prepared me. There's nothing, even when I tell them like the way life and society is today, it could be completely different in two weeks. Rapidly change, dude. That's a good freaking point so for me to give you advice. And I don't even know. I'm barely out here in my damn self trying to figure it out right, damn, that's a good point, man.
Speaker 2:So when you were sitting in a box, dude, when you were sitting in the cell, I think you did some shoot time as well, probably yeah, about 17 years of total yeah, I mean you're sitting in the cell and and I know those time, I know those years right of the 90s to the 2000s. What did in your head? Did you imagine society was moving like?
Speaker 1:I remember in the beginning I didn't really give too much thought or concern. I would just still in my own little bubble of our little three, four block radius. That's all I really cared about. But I remember 9-11 impacted me big time. I was still young. I think that was the first time that like um, I was ever like shook, like emotionally Cause I was really numb on drugs and for a lot of years, and I remember that impacted me. I seen the rows of family members, um, looking for their father and their and that that really shook me up. And I remember thinking to myself like damn, they just lost their dad. Like I'm in, I'm in jail for the same crime, like I should be on a plane, like over heading over there right now.
Speaker 2:Right, you know, but so, yeah, that impacted me so it was major incidents that stood out to you, not so much like day by day because I was yeah, I was disconnected completely my, yeah, my all I cared about was educating myself, the homies, the yard, what information I can get now? Well, I'll dive into that. Is that as a means of?
Speaker 1:survival? Oh yeah, for sure, because you know, I went to the parole board my first year and they told me get a GED, get a vocation, get some remorse, don't get any write-ups and do that. In 20 years you'll return to the board. And when I asked them okay, if I check all those boxes and I do all the things, you said what are my chances of going home? And they laughed at me and said your parole officer has not even been born yet. So it was in that moment that I was like okay, I'm gonna die in here. There's absolutely nothing for me to do other than be the best possible gang member, drug dealer I can possibly be correct, but the laws changed somewhere across the year, like 2012, 2013, 2014 after about probably 50 000 laps around the track.
Speaker 1:For me, the laws change.
Speaker 2:So what would you say to a current lifer that had at one point who's in prison right now sitting there and had at one point adopted that mentality of hey, I'm all in, I'm all in on this because I know I'm going to die here? What words would you have for them?
Speaker 1:as far as making that shift and change in behavior, I just tell them, like it's so beautiful out here, it's so beautiful out here, I'm so glad I'm free. Every day that I'm free it just is a reminder of, like, how sad that life was, how sad those yards were, those tears, all the stuff that we're missing, like the family functions and like the barbecues, the small things like sitting on the porch, having coffee, those things are. You know, you can't put any value on them. You just got to get it in your head that it's over. Like the doors are open. Just walk through, look at yeah, they're open. And you know what you?
Speaker 1:I was talking to my friend the other day. He should have been home with me and he's in trouble and he's going to court because he watched all of us go home and it got in his head. He relapsed and he got caught with some shit and now he's going on 35 years and I tell him, like you gotta get that out of your head. The doors are open, we're free and we're waiting for you. We got jobs for you, we got opportunities for you. Yeah, the laws have changed and the game in there is over. Correct, correct, it's just, it's horrible.
Speaker 2:It's horrible. No, you're 100% correct, bro.
Speaker 1:Like there's no more glory. There is not. I'm talking to the homies, you know, right here, the glory's gone, dog, I get it, it's gone, like there's. Like you know, the people that are blasting, people that would have been glory in the old days, are now like some dope finesse dude that owes a thousand dollars and is damn near out the door anyways.
Speaker 2:Like that's a cold reality, but I can't I totally get it, man, but I I would like to use you and your experience to get through to those individuals you know, kind of like you just did Like, hey, dude, it's over.
Speaker 1:And the thing, too, is I promote a positive message. That's my lifestyle, that's what I'm about. But you know those that know, and if you dig deeper in, like I, was on the hardest level fours in California yeah, dude, I've caught time in prison. Like I've done all the things that you had to do and I took my lumps. Like I went through all the motions of what a sureño would go through, the laws changed by the grace of God, and I wanted to go home. I was tired. That was the life that was forced. I didn't have any other option. I played my hand to the fullest, but when the doors opened, man, I got to go. I've been dying for this moment for a long time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a miracle and I can't let this go. And plus, you know, I promised Grandma Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there was— Because I know that your grandmother huge major influence on your life decisions. Oh yeah, number one. Yeah, she's number one, yeah how does brian james look at all those years that you were incarcerated? Do you look at it as a void in your life, as a hole in your life, a space, would it? What does that look like to you in your life?
Speaker 1:A bad nightmare, yeah, like a complete nightmare, a loss. I fumbled the talents that God given me. I destroyed so many lives. Yeah, it was the most horrible period, most horrible period, but there's redeeming value to it, which is what I'm trying to do now and be positive about it. But, yeah, terrible, terrible, and that's why I try and, like recently, I'm trying to think, like what, what? Like how can I best? Cause, you know, I still love the homies, I still love the bloods, the Crips, the North Daniels that I've met over the years, like I've met really good relationships in there, right, the Bulldogs, for God's sakes, I've known some of them that in past times, when it was peaceful, that man, we've talked about family members. I want to be sort of like the honest voice, you know, because a lot of guys are too proud, but I'll be the one to say, yeah, we cry in the cell.
Speaker 2:You are the honest voice. There's a lot of times where people can't see themselves like how impactful they really are, but trust me, dude, I see it.
Speaker 1:And I appreciate when those guys thank me, the people you would never imagine, like you know, like damn OK, when you know the weekend comes and we're so anxious because we don't know if we're going to get a visit or like on Friday night is the fucking yard going to go down again and take our visits, or there's so many little things and we go through it emotionally and you know there's tons of fear and scared. So when I tell my story I'm just going to be honest about it and and I was a real one, as they say.
Speaker 2:So if I'm going through it, everybody's going through it you know, yeah, man get back to, uh, how you've utilized coping skills to encounter some of these challenges since you've been out in these three years.
Speaker 1:I'm I'm gonna. I gotta word this the best way I can because there's such a huge lesson in this. It's about broken families and addiction, but it's also really raw in in my life right now. It's really relevant and I don't want to air my family's dirty laundry, but it's important that I tell this because that was the perfect question for this. So I've spoken and you know like addiction has been part of my, my family, my mom struggled with it, my dad died from addiction, my sister, my stepdad.
Speaker 1:I became a raging horrible heroin addict. So I came home and and everybody was clean, it was good, but that didn't last long. The demon of addiction came and rattled that house really bad. There was opioid use happening, there was meth addiction happening and I'm on parole, damn. And you know, this is when I'm trying to write my book and I'm trying to piece my life together at this time and I'm like, damn, it's happening. So I'm trying to stay away, I'm trying to move away and I ended up leaving.
Speaker 1:I ended up going, moving in with my girlfriend, which a nice house down the street, but in the process there became a lot of like bad blood in between. You know my family, my mom and my sister. This is all I have left. In the process, there became a lot of bad blood in between my family, my mom and my sister. This is all I have left in the world and a dispute occurred regarding what my grandparents left for me, for us. I 100% disagree on their version and what happened, why it all changed while I was in prison. What happened, how did everything change? And in the process of that dispute you know, some words were said and that relationship had always been fractured for years. Long story short, the house was sold cash overhand. Six months ago, I didn't know, and they left with everything. Six months ago, I didn't know, and they left with everything. I was standing there with what I was wearing. My dogs are gone, my grandparents' ashes are gone, a lot of my clothes, my nephews, everything.
Speaker 2:Were you guys residing in that home or was this another home you guys were living in and they sold that one?
Speaker 1:This is our family home. My grandparents bought it in the 70s. It's I grew up, it's where they grew up and they had created, you know, my grandparents. My grandfather worked for universal studios 50 years. Yeah, provided an amazing legacy. My grandmother, like just you know, just next level people, yeah, and they laid it out, divided it for everybody, and there was always I'm their son, like they adopted me, like these are right, my last name is james, just like theirs. And so there was always a portion if brian ever came home and as it became closer to dang, he might come home. You know, I was, I was waiting and, uh, you know, when I got out, uh, you know, when I got out, I realized that you know my portion, it had been changed when I was in prison and then they sold the house.
Speaker 1:My house was sold and they're gone.
Speaker 2:Did they move out out of state or something? Yeah, they're in Tennessee. Holy shit man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so now this is the second part of your question.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:When the confrontation of that, of what happened, was ugly and I left and I parked my car about five miles down the road and I said to myself this is where this fucking story's going to end. Right now, dark, fuck Dark Dude. Everything's gone Right. What do I have left? Just the shit I'm wearing. My dogs are gone right.
Speaker 1:The ashes, like I wanted to make things with the ashes, like that was the main thing. You know what they their legacy like, is it? You know I'm going through all this stuff. A lot of it is irrational because I'm raging at the moment, but, um, I sat with it for two days, all right. Now I'm working at this place called lifeline Treatment Center. On the morning that I planned on going over there, I don't know what I was going to do. It was going to be bad, though. Yeah, I walked into work and as I'm walking in, I get a Zelle for five hundred dollars. Now, I've been wanting to join this Muay Thai gym for about six, seven months, but I just didn't have the funds yet to go in, and I get a Zelle for $500. That's how much you need for the first month in the retainer, exactly that.
Speaker 1:And I tell my boss hey, that guy worked for your buddy. He sent me another Zelle. I'd worked for him like six months ago. So he called him and they're speaking in Russian. He walks away. I said, hey, where does the money go? He said I don't worry about it, it's yours. In that moment I just literally took it as a message from god. Absolutely, dude. I swear to you, hector, I got in the. I got. I told, I told my boss audra, by the way, amazing boss. She said go, she was aware of the situation and I I drove straight over to saxon academy in van nuys, put down my 500 and been just smashing on muay thai ever since that's a trip dude, because I was gonna ask you about muay thai bro.
Speaker 2:Like eventually I was gonna get to it. Like hey, I've been watching your instagram and you're fucking doing the muay thai saved my life, so that's how that plays into it, dude because I was feeling extremely violent.
Speaker 1:I was back in a. Really I was a dangerous person in that moment. I went back to that mind state and and that's the nightmare, that's what the pro board member said we don't care about you relapsing more on drugs, as it is that mind state right well, I mean, here's some a news flash for you.
Speaker 2:I was in that same state of mind a couple days ago, bro. Like you know what I mean. When that motherfucker hits, it hits dude and it doesn't discriminate. But yeah, you need people around, man you need. What I know is uh, yeah, when things get dark, it can get extremely dark, and I'm glad you shared that story, man, because how many people with your shared experiences are gonna encounter hardships?
Speaker 1:and, for the record, as with all families, there's a lot. It's fractured in its years of stuff. Like I'm, I hold I bear enormous responsibility as well. So it's just I only say that, to say that, um, you know we're a family and struggle in you know no, I totally get it, bro, everybody.
Speaker 2:That's the thing, man. I'm kind of weird because, like I'm explaining to you, like life and life is, that's just the way it is, bro, every fucking family has addictions, every family has issues. Um, yeah, I'm sure you're starting to see that, man, and so that place, I say you know what?
Speaker 1:I'm just gonna lean into my violence and go and trip out on this. When, uh, I stopped using a cell phone at some point because I wanted to go home. They were contraband. Yeah, they were plentiful, they were everywhere. You could just breathe in deep and one will come under your door. But during covid it was like lonely and I wanted to reach out or whatever. So I used it a few times now during uh, during using it, I used to look up this place like best moe thai, because I should take, when I was little, a little bit. And I used to look at this saxon academy on the cell phone and I would show myself like when I get out, I'm gonna go there one day. And sure enough, it's just crazy how god works in those moments and it's been one of the greatest, most therapeutic, gives me confidence like you, build they you, and it's an elite gym, it's not no Planet.
Speaker 2:Fitness. That's what it sounds like. I haven't checked into it, but that's what it sounds like.
Speaker 1:There's pro fighters in there. All the coaches have been fighting for years.
Speaker 2:Do they build you up from the ground basics?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I worked hard just to get a baseline, just to even get in there, and once you're in there, they push you hard like I've never been pushed. I'm 40. I got my first six pack at 48. I've been trying to do crunches in there for my whole life. The running it's um, it's something that you need real quick.
Speaker 2:Speaking of physical fitness, how would you compare the physical fitness of a muay thai training preparation as opposed to how the inmates be getting it in there?
Speaker 1:not even close, not even close, it's not even. I used to do thousands of burpees. You don't. That's here. That's not even the warm-up. You're not even gonna get through round one, like they asked this guy, this fighter, the other day. This guy tells him how long can I last in a street fight with you? He was like how long can you dead sprint? Oh shit, dude, because he's gonna put defense forever. How long? And he's got a gas tank to go? Yeah, 5, 5, 20 and 5 minute rounds. Right, these guys are man and it motivates me and it bleeds over into every aspect of life. I have to go to sleep on time, I have to drink my water, I have to eat right because I want to show up. I want to fight someday and you have to earn it. You have to, you have to show up, you have to. You have to show up, you have to put in the work, you have to run the miles and then they'll give you the.
Speaker 2:Is it muay thai only or mixed martial arts?
Speaker 1:they also have a, a jiu-jitsu okay gym on the premises, but muay thai is.
Speaker 2:It's called um saxon muay thai and I'm sure eating clean or a clean, healthy diet is part of the programming.
Speaker 1:Everything about their lifestyle is building your body and your mind. That's why I like it too. It's more than a gym. It's a family atmosphere. They support each other in fights, barbecues together, basketball it's a team.
Speaker 2:It's a team. So when you compare the type of healthy eating out here to the nutrient-dense soups in prison, how do you compare the two?
Speaker 1:I haven't. That's been on challenges. Diet has been difficult for me Out here. Yeah, why is that? I don't know. I'm not really able to eat, sometimes to 11 o'clock, and when I can like I still eat soups, just because.
Speaker 2:Really yeah, yeah. Now why do you think you eat them? Because you like the taste, you're used to it or you're accustomed to it?
Speaker 1:I think it's just maybe accustomed to it because I'll come like. The other night I came home, I got home like about 930 and I was hungry and you you know there was options, bagel, whatever bagels right there so but I grabbed the soup and it. But it was good. It was one of those creamy chicken.
Speaker 2:I wonder if it's because it's like a comfort to you, right? Because that's something you know. I'm just trying to figure out what the whole mental health thing is, because I wouldn't want to touch a fucking soup after you would think so, correct, yeah, you would think so.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I'm not eating it no more on my, on my rack since you've been out for three years, did you ever face any challenges?
Speaker 2:as far as a dude, you were on a regiment schedule. Right, the cops, it was a daily activity schedule. This, they're gonna rack your door here at this time. You're gonna go to chow. Did you have to adjust to?
Speaker 1:freedom. Yes, even Even now in my life I'm trying to cause a lot. I have a lot of more responsibilities, because the longer you're out here, the more responsibilities are building up, and now they're really they're starting to come. So I've been trying to readjust my life more to a regiment, because that's the only way I'm going to be able to function. I can't any other way. I need like clear spaces, keys here, this, able to function. I can't any other way. I need like clear spaces, keys here, this, here, this here. I need to get up, grab my bag and go without any clutter or anything in the middle, and if I could do that I'm super productive. I can get a lot done. But it has to be um regiment. That's all I know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's all I know but do you ever kind of maybe catch yourself like oh shit, I gotta be here at this time, or like getting into yeah, time management is hard too, is it?
Speaker 1:Yeah, big time. Like if I got to be somewhere at three, like do I leave at two? Or like sometimes I got to be at my gym at six and like I'll leave at like five in the morning and I'll get there, like 5.15.
Speaker 2:You're in LA, though area man. That traffic is a nightmare, dude. Three miles 40 minutes.
Speaker 1:There's no way, dude. Well, I'm in the San Fernando Valley so it's not as bad, but yeah, it's still bad, it's still bad.
Speaker 2:Yeah, how have you been able to deal with relationships out here, whether it be with a friend, a?
Speaker 1:female a coworker how has relationships for you been? Female a co-worker how has relationships for you been? Well relationships? There's only one person that I knew. That's in my life right now, prior to coming to jail, which was matt okay. I don't know anybody else in my life prior to coming to jail. They're just gone. No, yeah, was just my, my family. Everybody else is out living their own life. I'm not connected to him. No more, we don't talk, dude.
Speaker 2:That is so fucking weird bro it's almost like you were born again, dude, yeah because I mean, they're there, I know where they're at.
Speaker 1:We just we don't. Our lives are not, we don't talk, that's a trip, huh all my relationships are new because it's heavy.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's not that, it's not that new relationships are not a good thing they're great things, right but it's a fact that it's almost like you have no history, dude. You have no past I feel that yeah warriors, if you haven't already signed up for our all new website, hector bravo showcom, make sure you sign up at the link below hector bravo showcom. To watch explicit uncensored, never before seenbefore-seen prison footage. With that love you.
Speaker 1:Keep pushing forward. I feel that, especially in that world where you spend almost 30 years in prison, you don't make any new memories, and then you come outside and you don't get to even share the old ones, because my grandparents are gone. Dude, that's heavy bro. Yeah, I feel it when I'm driving, sometimes on the freeway.
Speaker 2:You got a movie coming up called lifer. I do, I do. Are you gonna talk? Touch on what is that about?
Speaker 1:or, if you don't mind telling the audience, yeah, so I mean the way it came about was a little over two years ago. This guy sends me a dm on on on instagram and he's a. I've done some independent films. I've done a short, I want to make a feature film and he goes top of that. I adopted a dog from the same program that that you were in, and he goes.
Speaker 1:I've been watching you and I've been checking out your posts for a little while. Are you down to meet up? I want to tell your story and I want to make a feature film and share it, and that's always been my goal. I've, you know, I've written books. I'm writing my biography right now. That's my greatest asset in life is my story, so that's what I want to try to take around. So we met up and from that day forward, probably three, four hours every single day. Not a single day has passed Filming, no, writing a script. Okay, we got the script copyrighted by the Writers Guild. We've sent it around. A lot of actors have read through it. We have some recognizable talent on board.
Speaker 2:Oh, so it's going to be a movie, not a documentary.
Speaker 1:It's not a documentary. It's going to be a feature film, wow. So what we're actually doing right now is it's called Seed and Spark. It's like a Kickstarter for independent filmmakers. A lot of them are using it. If you go to Seed and Spark and you type in Lifer, you'll see what we call a sizzle reel. It's about a three minute trailer of me talking about it. It'll have footage of the crime. There's a lot of stuff in there and you could scroll through. It'll have our mission statement how we met a thorough budget where every dollar is going to go and it also has benefits. So if you donate $175, you can come on the set with your dog. If you donate $250, you can get your own monitor and sit with the directors. We have to hit $44,000.
Speaker 2:Where can people sign up or donate at?
Speaker 1:So you go to Seed&Spark and you just type in Lifer or you can go to my Instagram. I have all the Lincoln bios and we have a lifer page.
Speaker 2:What's your Instagram handle?
Speaker 1:It's free, bliss one. Cool yeah, free, bliss one. And um, it's a trip because, like there's narratives about officers in there, it's, it's my life, it's my life growing up. It's my life, it's my life growing up. It goes through my life quickly growing up Family trauma, addiction, all the things that everybody in America deals with, and then I come into prison. The challenges of somebody searching for hope, and then the dog program and how a man discovers himself through a dog program and it helps to lead him home, and the value of that, which is like the premise of the movie, and I look at it as like the next Shawshank Redemption.
Speaker 2:It's one of my favorite movies Top three for sure.
Speaker 1:Mine too, because it's in the prison genre and while there's a riot scene, I did get stabbed in prison 27 times. My first, that's in there.
Speaker 2:Damn, that's in there.
Speaker 1:That's in there. Damn, that's in there, that's in there. But there's not a single bad word in the, in the um, in the entire movie is that by design, by design, and the message is so powerful. And imagine, and and with the officer. There was um, there was a conflict with the officer during the dog program and it shows the um, the dynamic between the officer during the dog program, and it shows the dynamic between the prisoner and the officer and it comes to a great resolution in the end. So it's really something for everybody. It's a great film. We're not going to stop. We have a lot of great momentum and we're not going to stop.
Speaker 2:For sure, dude, we're going to push it out, put the link on the bottom and share it on the social media. What are you hoping to gain? The message that the audience receives from watching that film.
Speaker 1:Just that. It's never. It's crazy. You know my life lessons. I'm conditioned off a prison yard. I take all my life lessons and principles come from a level four prison yard. It's where I've lived my life and I remember one time the homie woody. He had got hit really bad in court and he was paralyzed and he was in the cages and they had him on disregard. You know he just he's got some issues. Nobody talked to him. He was like that for seven years on that disregard on disregard.
Speaker 2:Did he get paralyzed as a result of an incident of? The he got stabbed in the spine yeah and put on disregard.
Speaker 1:He regained mobility, thankfully, like a couple years later, but he was with crutches every day. He would push out to yard oh, what's up? Homies? Nobody, but quietly. Homies would be like like right, and I had a friendship with him prior and so I would always be like what's up? Magazines or if you need store, quietly. But he would always say it's bad, but if I just hold on, it'll be okay. So the message is no matter how bad, I've been to hell I've say this objectively, I'm not looking for sympathy, but I got dealt a really, really bad hand in life. It's still playing out, but if you just hang on.
Speaker 2:Right and help others. You have to yeah.
Speaker 1:It'll come out and I want that to be the message and, of course, the impact of dogs and rescue and the power of all, that there's a lot of redemptive value in this story and it's for everybody.
Speaker 2:Whatever happened to that dude Woody? Did he ever get back in good standings? He did Because the guy that put him in bad standings. Got put in bad.
Speaker 1:Got put in bad standings and plus, you know, I mean the chance not check, yeah, exactly, and to take that and to hang on for seven years like that's somebody you want on your team.
Speaker 2:You know damn no, when you put it that way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, the motherfucker's a survivor yeah, this fool don't give up, like yeah, I want it with me rather than against me. He was a good guy, man, he's a good guy what experience defines you?
Speaker 2:would it you say that youngster that got put away? Uh, hardships while you were in prison, the the pooch program, or you being out here and helping others? Now, what do you want to be defined as?
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, for me the defining moment was my grandmother, because in my mind there's a line that's drawn in the center of my entire life. It was before and after Nana, Before and after. That's the way, I don't know. I've always that was one of my reasons for change. After she died, I remember thinking like if I have a funeral, nobody's going to show up Like three, four people, and then they're going to have to make one of them ones like you know.
Speaker 2:When she passed away, you were incarcerated, correct?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was in a cork and shoe. I was validated at the time.
Speaker 2:And did you say you were thinking about hanging yourself? Yeah, I was going to dated at the time. And did you say you're thinking about hanging yourself? Yeah, I was gonna kill myself. It was new year's eve. I just saw an interview with you, man, I can't remember what it was. Yeah, and I remember seeing them like damn dude.
Speaker 1:That fucking sucks and it was so in the memory is so raw because I remember it was 11, 36, because it was new year's eve. I saw that, I remember who was on the tv and I remember thinking because you know people had done that before. I knew how to do it and I remember just thinking like I need to do this really, really quick.
Speaker 2:Whoa man, let's talk about it, because that's a dark thought and a dark action. Yeah, and I've come across a lot of suicides in prison, successful ones. Yeah, did you make the conscious decision? I'm gonna do it.
Speaker 1:I had thought about it for years. The thought pops up and you just do away with it and I often wonder to myself I don't ask people, I just lost a? Um, a dear friend of mine, mia rest in peace to that right there. And I actually had a really good friend attempt it. Two days ago. I was visiting him in the hospital. He relapsed on methamphetamine, so it's been really relevant in my life. It's weird, but I think at some point everybody wants to. I'd rather check out and be gone. I think everybody at one time that like, the thought is there. Now, if you're gonna die in prison and you feel like nobody loves you, the thought is gonna pop up a lot more and more often.
Speaker 1:Like it's wild dude yeah, like I always. But thinking about it like that takes a lot of balls, you know and at my lowest moment when I was like at the closest I ever got what were you looking at the van or the light?
Speaker 1:the light, no I was sitting, I had my mat rolled up by um, by the door, and I had the tv kind of turned in the vent above the toilet and there's another vent right there. So I was gonna time and I was gonna swing and I was gonna hang in the end in the middle oh dude, that is fucking nuts bro and I'm glad you didn't do it, you know.
Speaker 1:I mean, we're having this conversation now, and you're definitely helping a lot of people I see it was weird because I said a prayer, because, you know, I was raised, you know, in the church and I knew, I knew what the bible said about that and I remember I prayed and nothing really great happened. There was no spiritual awakening, god didn't talk to me, but I decided when I when I said amen, that I'm gonna put it off for a couple days, and a couple days turned it, you know, a week, and it was within those 30 days that I pivoted in life and I said, I guess that is what I want to be remembered. I became the man that that my grandmother raised me to be. That's awesome, dude, wow that's fucking awesome bro.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you just have that epiphany right now. I want that on my on my tombstone. Like he became the man that that sheila mary james raised him to be. That would be the ultimate prize in life. That's good, dude, wow, thank you yeah, thank you bro, yeah, serious man, yeah, it's exactly nothing more, nothing less no, that's good dude, for sure.
Speaker 2:Um, while you were incarcerated and I don't ever want to go back to that and keep you in that mindset, bro.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm working on the movie as we spoke, so I'm living in that mindset.
Speaker 2:Did you attend religious services?
Speaker 1:Yes, there's a part that we wrote into the script. When I got out of the Corcoran shoe after the 10 years of solitary confinement, I was released to the general population yard right there in Corcoran and I was starving for rehabilitation. I dove into everything Narcotics, anonymous emotional intelligence, criminal gang members, anonymous everything. And I went to the church because that was where a lot of the self-help people went and I knew that's where I needed to go. I knew that's where I was supposed to go. My grandmother always wanted me to get baptized.
Speaker 1:So I walked in there and there was a pastor. I was aware of him. I knew him from Tehachapi years ago. He was the pastor now. They called him B-Loke. He was legit. So I walked in there and he goes. How you doing man? Welcome, he goes. What's your name? I said my name is Lonely and he goes. If Jesus was standing right here, would you introduce yourself as Lonely go? No, he goes. What would you say? I would say my name is brian james. He said welcome, welcome to the chapel, brian james, and he gave me a hug was this dude a civilian?
Speaker 1:nah, he was a, he was a prisoner he was a prisoner. Yeah, he'd been down yeah, he'd been down like 27 years straight killer blood that changed his life I didn't know that they had pastor inmates man yeah, that run the church, they had deacons, they have choirs, okay, okay, and he ended up baptizing me, dude on a four yard, big dogs on the yard, everything in attendance, like praying for me was this individual, was this pastor like authentically, like that's all, yeah, in his faith?
Speaker 1:I spent time with him. First he guided me in in a lot of like my spiritual, because I came out of the shoe with the death of my grandmother 10 years of solitary confinement. I was a broken man, I was a completely wounded. The laws had changed and I knew I just wanted to come home. I'm coming home to nothing, Nana popper gone, yeah, you know so, but I wanted to come home, I knew it. You know the doors open and it was my time. So I spent a lot of time like I'd go to the chapel, I'd go to yard, you know, pay my respect to the fellas, make my way to the chapel, We'd go in and and he know he'd open up the Bible or he'd share things with me and, and I've worked through things- and this was Corcoran.
Speaker 1:In Corcoran Wow.
Speaker 2:Was there ever a time, within from the time you got out of the shoe to the time that you paroled, where you almost jeopardize your release. There was there. Yeah, you want to talk about it.
Speaker 1:You can't talk, no it's, it's also in the script. Um, there was a moment during the during the dog. There were two moments during the dog program. I was walking my dog on the tier one time and this guy goes uh, hey, come here, fool. He goes, hey, shoot this down to so and so whatever. And it was a vanilla envelope, yeah, I know what. In the middle it's a, it's a knife right. And I told him, uh, nah, well, I'm good.
Speaker 2:That's the first time in my life I ever told the homies no real quick man, because I know people just can't say no, yeah, did it? Did it come out the way? The way it came out, was it? You were like I'm cool man no, like, like.
Speaker 1:Nah, you're asking me like because you knew the path I was on and people knew what I was about and it it made me I don't know. It irritated me. I maybe I didn't like to do, but it was the. It doesn't matter how you feel you're supposed to. That's your duty as a homie and I and it's the first time that I didn't perform it ever in my entire life I had been in prison like 26 years. I never said no or denied anything. So, dude, yeah, and it I felt it, like it. Like you, I'm becoming a different, a new person. Now, on the next day, on the yard, you know, he pulled up on me with a cell. He like, like, what's up? We're like, you're like a Christian now or something like that. And I was like we can go get our write-ups, our paperwork and stack them next to each other on the table if you want to question what I'm about. I don't care about your knives or what you got going on, I'm trying to go home. Did you tell him that? I told him in the cell that I told, but having it angry. But then and like, and I said you know, come on, homie, like, right, like, look at me, I've been, you know. I just did all this time in the shoe like I'm trying to go home, dog, you know. And I think when I said it like that they were like okay, and I, you know, I don't mean bad, but I'm not trying to get caught up.
Speaker 1:That moment happened again. We resolved it, everything was cool. That moment happened again, they asked me to pass a, a needle. I'm a drug addict. I don't know if that was my inner addict, I'd been clean, but I accepted it and I put it in my pocket and I was walking across the day room but the ceo in the office saw me and they pulled me over, they patted me down and they pulled it out and I and I and my heart dropped. It was over. It was over like the dog program was over, I'm kicked out, I'm gonna go back to the hole, whatever it is. And I just pulled the seal aside and like I had tears in my eyes Like yeah, I'm screwed, like this is my life, like I'm clean, like anything, a seal got rid of it for me and I and I never, literally never, committed another, even a minor infraction, cause I promised that I wouldn't.
Speaker 2:I never did again, to the day I paroled dude bro, like I know I. Probably to the viewers out there might think that those are two minor things, but I understand the man I wouldn't be here right now, correct?
Speaker 1:that would have been a five-year denial, a needle of a known, notorious heroin addict.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's right back at it the cop pokes himself in the finger I mean that shit could have went off. Oh, you're probably getting anxiety right now yeah, it was horrible it was. I remember not just that you're telling the homie no, not wanting to pass the knife, I, because I know how they they.
Speaker 1:They get upset, they get upset, understandably so, yeah, we're all we have correct and I already have a reputation as dependable. And then it's like no, and then they take it personal. But when you explain, bro, I'm trying to go home to my family dog, I want to go home, I've been doing this. I think no, there's no human being that can't connect with that. I got a hug from um, you know, from a big dog, and proud of you. Go home, right, dude, that was amazing, right.
Speaker 2:Proud of you, man, you know dude, I didn't expect those two stories right there, like I didn't even know that you all could have fucked off your date, man yeah that that needle it would have been.
Speaker 1:it would have been horrible. That was in 2018. I wouldn't have made it to level three because I only went to the level three, because it was a good behavior override. I had been programmed and at the time when I had the needle, I'm the chairman of Narcotics Anonymous. I mean, I didn't get it to use but nonetheless I didn't have the courage to say no, I chickened out. I chickened out and I went and I told my group you know I'll step down, like I was really honest with my groups.
Speaker 2:I was trying to show honesty and how did that play out within your group?
Speaker 1:They appreciate the honesty. I mean, half of them were freaking high half the time anyway. So you know, I mean it was Narcotics Anonymous and it was a new idea, in prison, you know. But yeah, that was the second one. Was you know? No, way.
Speaker 2:So you, with your experiences, man, what advice would you either give I mean, because you have that right, did you have that right to give advice? I would say to the person that may be in your shoes ask to do something, or, and or the person that is asking somebody to do something, would you tell the person a take into consideration that they might be going home, man, or you think they just don't give a fuck yeah, I think, um, when you get caught in that world and you're in there for so long and like you don't have nothing to lose, it's, it's really easy not to even consider that the next guy has something to lose.
Speaker 1:And here's the thing if you, if you're short to the pad, quit showing up to the yard acting hard and and because you're gonna get some shit passed to you sooner or later me, I wasn't out there acting hard, no more. You know I'm walking around with a folder and you know I mean or a a little briefcase or something, going to the law library. You know, walking over, stay, it's not my world, no more. I'm still part of it, but I play a different role now. Like you know, I help you guys get your lives together. If you want to go home, pull, pull over. You know the homies in the chapel, he'll lace you up it almost seems like that was new dude.
Speaker 2:It almost seems like that's new man, I mean that's when the shoe was released.
Speaker 1:It took a long time for people to like. Even me wrap my head around like damn, this really is the door's really opening. So for the viewers again in California watching it's like when I say that's new is like that type of behavior was not seen prior to them getting released from the shoe. No, even afterwards. Like I got called a church boy, like you know they say it clowning, but it's, it's, it's there.
Speaker 1:So there was a little bit of uh, you know you gotta it's it's, but it's worth it, though man call me whatever you want, as long as I get out of here, yeah I remember being a corker just thinking like, damn, I just got to get to this level three because they'd be putting the yard down and all these hits around you like that was vicious right?
Speaker 2:was there still hits going on while you were on the courtyard?
Speaker 1:yeah, I remember one time we were walking I was with the me, me and one of the guys from hawaiian gardens. I'm walking a group and we're going to the arc group and literally a melee kicks off with the homies and the blacks. And now the people in that yard are really, really mature and within like maybe 10 seconds of that melee occurring, it got squashed. Whoa, whoa, whoa, because it was like a J-Cat that started it, right. But we were in front of the building at five block, on the side of the yard, where all the blacks were. There was a hundred of them and one of them goes oh, there goes some essays right there, like 50 of them at you guys, us, we're back against the wall. And I remember he goes fuck, they're gonna fucking kill us, bro.
Speaker 1:So what ended up happening? There was a there was a guy there that who had a great influence, like oh you know, over the blacks and the crips and stuff like that. He basically told him nah, like, stand down. Like you know, he saw what was taking place and they did, or it would have been bad, bad. It was like their work. They were, they were on machine, on track, they were all working out and we were done. Just bad timing, bad area. And I'm like in that moment I'm like I sent my folder down and we're back against the wall. I mean we were it was, it was, we were just gonna be done.
Speaker 2:But in that I remember thinking like well had they put the yard down already yard was down, but you know they would have hopped up.
Speaker 1:that's not stopping nothing, nothing and thinking I got to get out of here. I got to go to Ironwood already. Get out of here, man. This is horrible.
Speaker 2:Now did you know you were going to be going to Ironwood? Or they had told you you were endorsed to a level three.
Speaker 1:So I came up with my counselor and that's the cool thing about being a changed person. My counselor was cool, I can go in committee and, yeah, I'm going to put you up for the override. So I got put up for the override in the middle of the dog program and the captain said finish the dog program and as soon as we're done we'll put you on the bus. So it was really cool in my committee. So as soon as the dog program ended, bam. I was on the bus to Ironwood and they killed that guy two days later and then in that whole riot with the Bulldogs happened two months later on that yard. Sadef, no.
Speaker 2:Old Corcoran.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Old Corcoran.
Speaker 2:Yeah, after our first interview, former or COs or staff members reached out to me. Like I remember this dude, this dude fucking programmed and quiet. This dude was in my building.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, got a lot of good feedback. Yeah, there were some good officers, because the officers over there were like OG, older ones, like veterans, so you know it was already. It was cool.
Speaker 2:You're probably the only like override that I approve of, man. Like all the other ones, we'd have some sketchy ass shit going on, dude.
Speaker 1:Oh man, you'd have like level four killers on like a could be bad. It could be bad if certain individuals slip through they could really disrupt the program Level four EOPs, sny like overridden to lower levels.
Speaker 2:It's a disaster.
Speaker 1:And that was happening. They were doing that a lot in Corcoran for some reason, and it was in the middle of because we did the dog program and then we were on like a six-month hiatus and then we did another one, but during that time they were putting like s and y's in there, but they would keep their doors locked and everybody was like tower tv.
Speaker 2:Let me give him a tv just to get that crack.
Speaker 1:That's fucking sketchy man yeah, that's a death trap, dude.
Speaker 2:Oh man, death trap, death trap now, do you find yourself being out here um watching, like on youtube, prison stuff or movies, or do you try to stay away from that altogether?
Speaker 1:It's a trip. I do actually kind of watch it a lot, and probably because when I stop watching I'm just thinking, damn, I'm so glad I'm not there. But yeah, I am super interested.
Speaker 2:It's been my entire life right, so I'm interested, yeah do you feel that you got ptsd from being in prison?
Speaker 1:100, 100. There. Things happened to me inside the cdcr in those 29 years that shattered and broke nine years. Yeah, that is freaking wild man I've, I've been through every I was they called the shoes, the four corners of the earth to hatchaby, new folsom, pelican bay, corcoran, went through. All those visited every ad seg basically, you were in prison when prison was prison yeah, even after it was, and I can't say like honestly, things were broken inside of me. That will never get fixed in there. So there is.
Speaker 2:What are some triggers if you don't mind sharing, as a result of your PTSD.
Speaker 1:Loud noise. I count a lot. I get myself caught up counting things a lot.
Speaker 2:Like, give me an example.
Speaker 1:On the way over here.
Speaker 1:I was on the train I was counting palm trees. Okay, on the way over here I was on the train, I was counting palm trees. I would just catch myself and I realized probably two months ago I was really trying to figure it out because it would kind of paralyze me I'd be counting, whether I wanted to or not. Sometimes. When my grandmother died, you know Corcoran, the perforated doors, those holes in the shoe, mine had 748 holes in it. Dude, don't tell me you counted all of them. I counted them probably 100, 200 times because it would just get my mind off thinking of my grandmother.
Speaker 1:It was in those 30 days because I was destroyed. I was single cell. I was in that corner cell by myself and I was just dealing with the death of my grandma. So I would just make sure there was 748 holes over and over, like just throughout the day. When it would get too heavy in my mind48 holes over and over, like just throughout the day. When it would get too heavy in my mind, I'd walk to the door and just start counting them.
Speaker 2:Did you go from a particular order or didn't matter? No, it'd be an order yeah. Dude, I think I heard you say on that podcast interview that you knew where every crack in the cell was.
Speaker 1:I spent eight years in the same cell, eight years in the same cell. 4 was. I spent eight years in the same cell, eight years in the same cell. 4b2 left cell 53. Yeah, right there in the corner. Oh my, and here's the cool thing too, there was a co right there that they would always switch the cos. What is it like every three years? So there was not over familiarity.
Speaker 2:No, it's just a bid. It's a bid, so you it's like a contract thing where you can yeah, I remember them all every three years by your seniority, by seniority.
Speaker 1:But I thought they had like in the shoe, don't they have to move them?
Speaker 2:No, but it was always like an old folks tale, Like hey, you can only do so much time in the hole.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because your brain will start fucking you up, or something like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, there was a CO, because my door bar box in the night and the seal would always give me a piece of gum. What the hell yeah and they'd be like, because they know they'd be like. What do you guys? I promise I'll spit it out in the way and I won't walk around or do anything, but I would not always, but a lot of times I'll get a piece of gum. That's how long I was there and that piece of gum was everything.
Speaker 2:It was the best damn dude did please explain to me the difference of living in a one cell for eight years, not being able to open the door to the freedom you have now to be able to go to a Muay Thai gym, jump on a train.
Speaker 1:It's uncomfortable, it's out of my comfort zone, like I'm good in a small space. That's what I've been doing lately, too, is I've just been turning off everything and reading.
Speaker 2:But you got to be careful not to isolate. Also, though.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's been a big part too, because I prefer, I love being alone and I'm very comfortable alone. My nickname was Lonely.
Speaker 2:But there's a difference between isolating and what's that other word? Where you, you know it's not isolating solitude?
Speaker 1:Okay yeah, where you, you know it's not isolating soul solitude okay, yeah, solitude, that's healthy, correct, isolating, yeah, man, I don't think. Yeah, I think I'm, I think I'm all right there, I think I'm pretty good there so you're doing good there yeah, I think for the most. I mean, I have a very small circle of people that I talk to like daily on a regular basis do you keep in contact with former lifers or people with similar experiences?
Speaker 1:yeah, A minimum of like 20 of them out here that are killing it, yeah, that are doing just great in whatever arena that they're working in. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:No, I watch them. I mean, I don't keep up on everybody, but I'll see here and there. Okay, yeah, all right, all right, yeah, what's next?
Speaker 1:What's next for you, dude? Right now I've been. It's all about this film. Right now I, I, I make a joke, but it's really serious. Like getting out of prison from a life sentence is easier than making a damn movie. The creative process I love it. It's the actual shopping it and, you know, finding partners and collaborators. But I've been loving the journey. I've been learning so many different things, meeting different people. I'm also writing my biography. I'm on about page 90. I figured, since I'm doing this like I feel like I'm preparing for board again, like I'm living in all my shit again, like I'm talking about it, writing about it, which I'm only able to do that now because physically I'm in the best shape of my life, emotionally and spiritually. Emotionally and spiritually, I'm in tune. Everything's balanced. Always can be better, but I'm able to do that. So I'm writing my book too. My book is I'm going deep on that. Writing is my number one. I think what I'm best at.
Speaker 2:So you're simultaneously working on a script screen for your movie and your autobiography yeah, dang dude, that's fucking heavy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the training, the muay thai training, is what gives me the balance I couldn't do any of it. That's the epicenter of of everything I do training for it, getting prepared for class that without that I can't imagine being able to like carry and like do these projects and stuff. So you're just crushing it daily, dude, but it's hard and that's one thing I've learned If you commit to something for five years out here, wholeheartedly, and stay with, keep your foot on the pedal, something will give. You'll get blessed by the universe.
Speaker 2:I think they say 90 days habit develops yeah.
Speaker 1:That's what they say. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:How do you manage your sobriety out here as a civilian, and how does that differ from managing sobriety within a correctional setting?
Speaker 1:My sobriety has been, um, it's been fine. I haven't dodged in marijuana a little bit. It's been good for my uh, like my anxiety. There has not been any downsides other than it might cause me to eat unhealthy. But, um, you know, I'm not a. I'm not a drinker. I don't do anything like that. I had a. I had not the greatest experience in the Narcotics Anonymous, like in the meetings Out here in the real world. Yeah, my experience wasn't good, which caused me to kind of like reject that.
Speaker 2:Let me ask you this so was it because one bad meeting or several bad meetings?
Speaker 1:this or was it because one bad meeting, or several bad meetings? Um, well, first I would say it would be because my mom identified, as you know, narcotics anonymous, and then you know what happened with her and you know, not seeing her success and addiction maybe caused me to be, you know, a bit resentful for him. But also, yeah, when, um, the literature itself is what is my foundation? That blue book, the principles, the 12 steps, all that is my foundation. Now, I think, in terms of the fellowship where I'm from, I just went in there and what I saw in there was not people walking the walk and, plus, I come from a structured environment. These people, a lot of them, are coming from, you know, the streets or whatever, their addiction and that's their structure. That's the I already come from. I don't need structure, I just need, like, some information. And what I saw in that structure didn't match with the material and I was super turned off by it, yeah, super turned off by it now do you need uh what?
Speaker 2:how do you feel about fellowship?
Speaker 1:um, and what do you mean in terms of?
Speaker 2:would you feel that that would be beneficial to you and your sobriety?
Speaker 1:and with other addicts, With others Absolutely 100%. I mean some of my best friends and the people I love are members of Narcotics Anonymous. I hear what you're saying now so it's not like you know what works for them. It just didn't work for me at all, At all, At all.
Speaker 2:Do you know how long your film is going to be? Like an hour and a half, two hours.
Speaker 1:I wish my partner Raul Perez, the producer, I thought you were supposed to bring him man.
Speaker 2:I think we had said bring the dude.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I wanted to bring Raul Perez, a great dude, a great filmmaker. He's changing my life. He had to work today. I get it, he would have the number, but it's a 120-page script.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:And I see a regular feature-length film, which is what we're trying to make.
Speaker 2:And is it going to capture inside the California prison system?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's going to be in there. We're actually looking at different locations now, like Central Juvenile Hall. It would be impossible, probably, to get on a prison yard. I don't even know if you want to get on with this crazy.
Speaker 2:I mean, they're closing down a bunch, so I'm sure you might be able to finagle something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure. I mean, they're on it. We got a great team and that's the crazy part about it. I got a team. There's a lifer team.
Speaker 2:There's four people and and we're just working every single day, so right now you guys are acquiring the funding for the film.
Speaker 1:That's the goal. So we're acquiring the funding to create a four to six minute trailer which will capture. If you see the sizzle reel, you're going to be moved by it. It's really powerful. Now what we want to do we wrote a treatment and we want to create a trailer which will be the trailer for the movie, all the big hitting, hitting moments. We're going to take that trailer, we're going to go to the American film market, we're going to go to the festivals and we're going to try to have the success that Grunt did, hopefully, yeah, yeah, dude, you know and it's a movie that this trailer, if you see it, it's impossible for you to not be bought in and want to be a part of it or know that it's. It's something special, it's really really something special. When we were shopping the script around, a lot of agents, notorious for, like, shredding scripts and being really rough, said wow, like it's impactful, it's hitting on all kinds of levels, like it's really, it's really a really good product.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, I believe God puts certain people on this earth for their purpose, dude, and I think that is your purpose. Man, as shitty as your first half life experience was, and when that issue with my family.
Speaker 1:I was in a rage and I was really messed up for a long time. When I got through that and I let it go, everything opened up fucking powerful man it's insane and and I feel it like I like I don't really get tired anymore, it's just I feel moved by something greater than myself do you have gratitude in your life today? Unimaginable gratitude, unimaginable yeah.
Speaker 2:What are some things you're grateful for?
Speaker 1:Just being able to push myself, like in Muay Thai, my body, this film, to see how far I can possibly take this, like I'm a lifer who was written off. I was dead in the water and now who knows, not who knows. I know this could be a film that touches every state in America, that moves people, that changes lives. I can open some doors and create platforms. People need that. Because why not? Why not? Could it not be the biggest, most impactful film Like why can we not imagine it? There was a time when I couldn't see past the day room. I didn't look above the fence line, the barbed wire, until, like, I changed my life and then I started looking at the sky. That's a fucking fact.
Speaker 2:That's a reality when you're in a prison. You don't get to see over that fence.
Speaker 1:But when you sit at that back window at your desk you have that little window. I used to always, you know you sit back there and write your letters. You just look at the next yard facility. But in my later years in ironwood when I was changed, I would it'd be up the sky, the stars they get hot as hell in ironwood oh yeah, 126 degrees you can see the heat I'm from yeah, they would do yard recall it'd be so hot.
Speaker 2:Have you gone back to any prison at all since you've been out?
Speaker 1:no, uh, I've been to some juvenile facilities. Okay, I, I could have gotten to ironwood with the guys. Maybe it was like a year after I got out. I just wasn't ready to go right back in yet. Right, right, yeah, that's understandable.
Speaker 2:I was wondering if you had yeah, yeah um, and then I you still in contact with Zach Scowl, yeah, I came on the California Insider with him.
Speaker 1:I was. I was just with him the other night. We were in Malibu for a rescue foundation and I was telling him too, hands down, that's the best conversation on the internet right now about the state affairs in CDCR, Straight up. I talk to people on the phone constantly. There's nothing more accurate than what you guys said let's talk about it, man.
Speaker 2:We'll talk about this. We'll get real in depth to this man you, what is your perception on society and on people, individual people. I'm not talking about you wearing a blue inmate attire or me wearing a green jumpsuit. How do you define a man or woman today, like in terms of individual?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah because you want you, because you know the prison system will warp your fucking mind yeah, I mean when we were in corcoran on that four yard there was a condom dispenser in the day room correct, they're everywhere now oh, they are they're everywhere.
Speaker 2:That was like the biggest joke.
Speaker 1:We'd always get them and like throw them under. Hey, we go here, what's the condoms you asked for, and throw them in front of the door.
Speaker 2:But what I'm saying is I believe that the world Is blinded by biases and stereotypes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's really Especially coming out here Not, I guess, being politically correct, with changes really constantly it's difficult. But you know, I think people know I come from a, you know, not a negative space or whatever, but it's a lot. It's really a lot to take in. You know what I, what I think about. I remember years ago when, uh, who's that olympian guy that turned into the woman?
Speaker 1:no, bruce jenner I remember I was in prison at that time and there was a big 2020 and I told myself you know what I'm gonna try to. This was a completely foreign topic for me, so I'm like I'm going to try to really listen and see what's happening here.
Speaker 2:Okay, and that's how it starts, man. And then yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:But then when I just I don't understand it. There's a lot of things out here that I don't understand. I'm learning a lot of the basic things.
Speaker 2:So that's like a heavy topic of things that I haven't really fully processed yet. But what I was getting to is that interview was myself and zach scow how, how hard it is to explain to society the different um, the different variables inside a california prison setting it's almost uh, it's impossible.
Speaker 1:It's like, uh, unless you're there. It's only something you can have over time with instincts correct, like you can. Like I was telling somebody the other day, you know I got stabbed in my first year. So for the rest of my my prison time, whenever there would be something that was going to happen on the yard of stabbing even if I know these two guys were going to hit this guy in the basketball court, the tension would still rattle my cage because it was associated with that stabbing all the way 29 years in the game. Like I already know it has nothing to do with me, it's still like dang.
Speaker 1:I don't know if everybody was going down, I bet they were, because everybody starts stop working out and doing all this. That's a. To stop working out and doing all this. That's, you know, tension, but that wears on you over years and years. Even when I got to ironwood I was on point like it was a level four yard and then I realized like these dudes are wearing headphones and both ears on this yard like nobody's tripping on nothing that was.
Speaker 2:That was something you observed, that they had headphones.
Speaker 1:You do not bring headphones onto a level four yard. You do not let your butt touch the ground.
Speaker 2:These people are sitting on the grass on the with on their butt so in the past, when you were on those real, real, real level four yards, like you guys would purposely not put both in one year, you don't, even you don't.
Speaker 1:Even if you even take them out to yard, they'll throw that shit in your pocket, homie, yeah for sure. So everybody was ready. Yeah, I mean just in case. Hey, what about? We used to get the the one going around. Hey, wear your blues out there. Like what the fuck is that you know?
Speaker 2:they should tell you guys where everybody goes out. There in the blues are we, we as ceos? Would always catch that we would be like fuck, or at least blue tops like no we'd be like, oh, they all shaved their fucking heads man, they're all wearing boots what's happening?
Speaker 1:why are these foods matching? Yeah, there was something happening right there, yeah yeah, because you know some homies, they get some idea of like how they they're gonna, you know, plan out this big other right here and let's get everybody wearing blues, and you know something crazy like there's actually a skit on that.
Speaker 2:It's called mexican. Have on boots. Have you seen it? No, it's fucking hilarious dude. It's about what we just talked about.
Speaker 1:Hey, you know who I was messaging with the other guy, the guy that says no more closed doors. Remember that movie, the Friday movie no more closed doors. Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's hilarious man. So again, tell the audience where they can find you on Instagram, where can purchase your book, and then where they could donate for the film.
Speaker 1:Dude, yeah so I'm on instagram at free bliss one. I'm right there on the. My profile is me with my pitbull puppy that I adopted a year ago. I have a book on there from life sentence to new beginning. It's an audiobook. It's on wherever audiobooks are sold spotify apple, sold Spotify Apple.
Speaker 1:But my biggest thing is this lifer movie, this, this is a story that that that we have to tell, and the greatest part about it is we're going in front of, like these production companies and a lot of it. We've already created a lot of funds, like from the people. So it shows an interest in the movie, a desire for this kind of story, and we've got a team with the best intentions. I've always promised every dollar, pledged any kind of support or collaboration. We welcome it and I will be a good custodian of it. I will honor the pledge, I will honor this message and I will try to take it as far and wide as I can. Bruce Lee had a quote, something about all man. Every man has a duty to like stretch himself to the limit, to the limit, and I got a second chance. I don't know how much time I have left. I wasted a whole bunch. I'm going to try to pack as much as I can into this You're doing it, man.
Speaker 2:You're doing the Lord's work, dude. I appreciate you. Thanks again, Brian, for coming on. Bro, it's always a pleasure.
Speaker 1:It's always good to catch up with you, man, and see what's, what's new dude, yeah, and thank you for everything like for the people that don't know like you've helped me in my personal life. Um, yeah, I appreciate you, man. You've you've been a legit guy in my in in my life I got you man I don't know cool.
Speaker 2:There you guys have it folks. Another banger for you guys. Again the first episode, first episode of season two. If you like what you saw, make sure you hit that subscribe button. Love you, keep pushing forward story never ends.
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