Lez Say More Podcast
Welcome to Lez Say More: the podcast where your favorite duo of best friends—together for over 20 years—gets real about the queer community. Join us every Wednesday as we dive into everything from health and wellness, to fashion, relationships, sex - and even the occasional celebrity gossip. With our trademark humor and brutal honesty, we’re here to share stories, laughs, and insights about the (queer) modern life and all the fabulousness it has to offer. Whether you're part of the community or just curious, grab your favorite drink and join the conversation—because we promise to keep it funny, relatable, and absolutely unfiltered!
Lez Say More Podcast
Tequila Truths & The Orgasm Secret: Cheers to Honesty in the Bedroom!
We find out what Solange's bombshell cliff hanger is, who's Ms. O? To can honesty in the bedroom transform your intimate relationships? Join us for an eye-opening journey as we toast to vulnerability and unmask the misconceptions surrounding female orgasms. We kick things off with a lighthearted cheers and tequila shots, setting the stage for candid confessions about faking orgasms, mental barriers, and the long path toward sexual empowerment. Through personal anecdotes, we uncover the pressures of people-pleasing and the liberating experience of shifting from solely giving to embracing the joy of receiving pleasure.
We dive into the nuances of patience, communication, and self-exploration, underscoring that not climaxing doesn't mean something is broken within us. By challenging societal taboos and confronting past insecurities, we reveal how honesty can lead to a breakthrough in sexual satisfaction and self-acceptance. You'll hear stories that challenge stigmas and embrace the messy realities of personal growth in intimacy, from the differences between solo and partnered orgasms to the humorous misunderstandings of sex parties and stoplight-themed get-togethers.
As we navigate these conversations, we also tackle topics like sexual health, personal preferences, and the emotional toll of less-than-ideal experiences. From sex injuries to the power of vocalizing desires, we leave no stone unturned. Whether you're chuckling at the mishaps or nodding along with the journey of self-discovery, this episode promises a blend of humor, honesty, and heartfelt insights. So tune in and join our community focused on understanding, communicating, and celebrating the diverse paths of sexual exploration.
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Yes, I have been, I have been, I have been. You like it To a certain extent. I mean, until then you're, you're having to get a lot of towels.
Speaker 2:I was like damn girl, you could have been coming a long time ago.
Speaker 1:Like you've been leaving me speechless.
Speaker 2:But in all honesty, and not even joking around, like I genuinely like, genuinely apologize to everyone whom I deceived in some way. Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of let's Say More podcast. I am your host, solange, and this is.
Speaker 1:Ava, there's a lot of cups on the table.
Speaker 2:There is a lot of cups on the table. We are going to be having a pretty open and honest conversation, because the other one we had wasn't so open and honest. I think it was very open and honest. It was very open and honest. So we're just going to continue that, because we're going to continue that with our two three fingers.
Speaker 1:Oh, I can't how many fingers you need.
Speaker 2:Wow, we're going to start this off with a shot of tequila, so we want you guys to get a glass too, even though you might be watching this on your way to work, or whatever.
Speaker 1:Some people might have like a espresso martini on their way to work. Hopefully you're not driving while you're I wouldn't. I know my boss watches this, and don't you worry.
Speaker 2:Don't you worry, boss, she is on it, on it, on it. We usually don't drink, and we don't drink during. Well, we don't drink during. I don't drink. Usually. We don't drink during. Well, we don't drink during. I don't drink. Usually we don't drink during our episodes. But for the sake of this, conversation.
Speaker 1:I think we both need to be a little bit more loose. Oh wow, wow, all right, all right. Well, cheers, cheers to this episode, cheers, queers. That was so gay.
Speaker 2:That was gay. That's actually pretty good tequila.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it had no additives.
Speaker 2:Tequila's going to get me pregnant. Who the fuck is going to impregnate you, miss O? I don't know. No, what about that celebrity crush you have Remember?
Speaker 1:Oh, which one. We said it in the episode. We were on shrooms.
Speaker 2:No, you said your celebrity crush no you had a guy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you had a guy.
Speaker 2:Oh, no, no, no, we didn't air that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because we were on shrooms.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, my guy celebrity crush, Jeremiah Brent.
Speaker 1:You know who I should have said was my crush, I'm gonna throw a picture of him up here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, throw up one for me, Rihanna. Oh I think everybody knows what Rihanna looks like. I don't think anyone really knows who Jeremiah Brent is. I don't know who he is.
Speaker 1:He's an interior designer.
Speaker 2:Anyway, add moment. Sorry, we left off on a cliffhanger where I disclosed that I hadn't had an orgasm until recently, and I feel like that is something that I should probably talk about.
Speaker 1:I feel like we should know who Miss O is.
Speaker 2:I feel like that is a conversation for another day.
Speaker 1:Your feelings don't always matter.
Speaker 2:Yes, they do in this case.
Speaker 1:All right, fine, we'll give you that. Where do I begin? I mean, it ended very well, didn't it? Well, let's talk about, or let's say more about, what was your struggle with having an orgasm prior to recent. What was the blockage for you?
Speaker 2:Okay. So for me, I could only orgasm by myself, like masturbation, okay. I could only orgasm by myself, like masturbation, okay, and I never really could orgasm with a partner. I didn't feel anything Like it, just sometimes it would feel like.
Speaker 2:I think I can probably say maybe only once or twice did it ever feel like it was going to lead to something that felt good? I wouldn't even say an orgasm, just pleasure. I think it was the fact that one it was going to lead to something that felt good. I wouldn't even say an orgasm, just pleasure. I think it was the fact that one it was mental. So I had a lot of insecurities and a lot of blockages in my own head that weren't allowing me to get to a place where I felt vulnerable enough and comfortable enough to really let my guard down and be open to receiving pleasure. Because, again, like I mentioned before, I never allowed myself to be a receiver. I was always the giver. And so I, though I had been with partners who wanted to give and wanted to also give me pleasure, and they were very adamant about it and they insisted and I would let some of them try.
Speaker 2:I faked it oh, you faked the orgasm I faked it, or I didn't even necessarily fake it in the sense of like oh you know that was a really I don't.
Speaker 1:I don't like that sound orgasm. I don't like that. But I don't like that. That's not howm I don't like that.
Speaker 2:That's not how I orgasm. By the way, that was like how you stub your toe, it's true.
Speaker 2:But in all seriousness, though, I definitely think that I cheated my way out of it by pretending that I did Like they would ask me oh, did you come? For a long time I was honest and I told and here's the thing I was honest with every partner that I ever had, from the beginning and said Listen, I've never orgasmed with someone. And then it would get to a point where they kept trying and trying, and trying and trying and I just felt so bad that, instead of just owning it and being like it's okay, you don't have to, you know, you don't have to break your neck trying like you don't have to literally break your neck, Literally you don't have to like put so much energy or effort into it.
Speaker 2:I'm fine, like we'll get there eventually, like let's just take our time. I wasn't confident enough to have those conversations with my partners at that time. But why? What was stopping?
Speaker 1:you from having that conversation.
Speaker 2:Honestly, I think, because I'm such a people pleaser that.
Speaker 2:I always felt really bad and I never wanted to hurt the other person, that I would just eat it. I would just pretend like I would just be, like it's a me thing, which I genuinely thought it was a me thing. I always thought it was me. Something's wrong with me, I'm broken, and I'm being 100% honest here and saying like I really really thought that I was broken to the point where, like, sex wasn't even fun or enjoyable really, because I couldn't climax. So for me it was like, okay, well, we don't need to have it. So I think that also affected my libido, right, because I wasn't having an orgasm so and I wasn't in the mood of forgiving. So it was like, yeah, whatever.
Speaker 1:Do you feel like now, since you mentioned your people pleaser, do you feel that now you're a Solange pleaser? And I don't mean this in like a masturbation type of way, I mean like, are you putting yourself first?
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, 100%. I think that, thanks to this new experience that I've had with this Miss O, as we're going to start calling her, so for me, for a long time I was very shy, very quiet, very to myself, not somebody who wanted to explore my sexual desires. Though I may have a lot of kinks and a lot of things that I may be into or whatever, I was always very ashamed of them and I was always very like I'm not going to tell anybody about that, I'm not going to talk about this, I'm not going to talk about that, because I didn't want to be judged or be with somebody who thought I was weird. For a long time, I carried that burden on top of the burden of just not being comfortable in my skin, not being comfortable with my sexuality, and I'm going to preface this by saying because I think this is a stigma that needs to be addressed that a lot of people don't talk about I was never sexually abused, right right right, right right.
Speaker 2:I have never been sexually abused. I have never been ever in any kind of situation where I felt like I was molested, sexually abused or anything like that. So my traumas don't come from that. And I know that a lot of people would say, oh, that's probably because you were sexually abused, or oh, another stigma is you're a lesbian or you're gay because you were sexually abused. Yeah, I know. No, this is who I am, this is how I was born. Now, do I have traumas as to my childhood and other things that probably contribute to my inability to receive pleasure? Probably, which I'm not even aware of. I'll have to explore that in therapy. I think for me it was really about being vulnerable and comfortable enough with a partner, and I was married for a really long time.
Speaker 2:How long were you married for Well, I was with my partner at that, you know, including marriage, for probably 11 or 12 years, yes, maybe longer, I don't even remember.
Speaker 1:I think, if I, if I'm not, I was married for six. Yeah, you were with her for about 12 years.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I was with a partner for a really long time. Prior to my marriage I had been with other partners, you know year, two years, here and there, on and off, right A lot of relationships with straight women. My sexual experience was never vast. I'd never been somebody who's been super, super sexually active Like I never. Like I mentioned, I never had one night stands. I was never somebody who would just meet someone at a club and be like hey, let's go, let's go to the bathroom or let's go. You know, even though maybe I might've thought about it, I was never somebody who was going to act on it.
Speaker 2:My first time having an orgasm was emotional, like I cried, you cried. I cried because the person who I was, who I had this experience with, they were very patient with me. They were also very experienced. So I think that that helps. So I think if you are somebody who's never had an orgasm, who's never been with, like been in that situation, my main message is don't feel like it's a you problem, like as far as like you're broken because I mean it's a you problem. Like as far as like you're broken because I mean it is a you problem in the sense that. Don't put it on the other person that they can't make you come, because that is not okay either. Right, but I don't think that it's a you problem in the sense that you're gonna take that guilt and that responsibility because you can't get there for whatever reason. Your blockage is whether it's you have a kink that you don't know about. You haven't explored other ways of feeling pleasure.
Speaker 1:So did Miss O unlock a new kink for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel like it was mult way I had it right the stimulation and the way I had it feeling comfortable enough to be vulnerable with this person and let my guard down, communicating and saying, opening my mouth and saying I like that, Keep doing that, Don't do that. Also, exploring certain things. I don't want to say I was more closed minded, but I was more closed minded.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, you were you know, like I was, like I'm not going to do that, I don't like that. No, I'm not gonna let you do that to me either. Knowing what I know now, I was like damn girl, you could have been coming a long time ago.
Speaker 1:Like you've been leaving me speechless.
Speaker 2:We really need to talk about orgasms, the taboo that's behind them and the fact that a lot of women and I think we have a statistic I'm not sure if it's the exact statistic to what I'm about to say but there are a lot of women that don't have orgasms and hold a lot of shame because they don't have orgasms and they think that this is normal, like I did.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so 10 to 15% of women say they've never had an orgasm. 50 to 75% of women say that they cannot have one during sex. So the study is by Indiana University, chapman University and Claremont Graduate University showed that the proportion of people who usually orgasm were 65% are heterosexual women, 66% are bisexual women, 86% are lesbian women, 88% are bisexual men, 89% are gay men and 95% are heterosexual men. Wow, and I feel like with men it's easy to orgasm because I think a man is. It's simple, right. Your genitals are outside, they're outside and it takes a few strokes, a lot of strokes whatever you know, whatever it is, and I think that they they could just think about like it's not working for them.
Speaker 1:They could shift their mind, yeah.
Speaker 2:Limp dick is an actual thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, whiskey dick is a thing, yeah, so there there are a lot of men that have you know erectile dysfunction and problems having an erection. But 95% of heterosexual males have orgasms.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because it's not as difficult for a man, I think, to have an orgasm. Also, men aren't at, they're more simple, simple minded than women. But it's interesting that the lesbian statistic is so high.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think it might be high. This is just me assuming. With toys that you had mentioned before, I don't think a lot of women are shut off the way I am. I think that the toys or knowing a woman's body helps with that. I think women are also very patient. So we do like Miss O.
Speaker 2:right, you said that she took her time right and not to say that the partners before weren't patient For me. It was also. I didn't allow them to be patient. My own selfish shame took over.
Speaker 1:So what do you have to say to all of them? Look in the camera.
Speaker 2:No, honestly, in all honesty and not even joking around, like I genuinely like, genuinely apologize to everyone whom I deceived in some way, because I can't imagine being the person on the receiving end, like you're with someone for a numerous amount of time and you think that you are having these connections and these interactions and these experiences of intimacy with them and you are being cheated out of that because they are lying to you. They are genuinely so scared of breaking your heart that they don't make the other person feel bad and I think, after an X amount of times or X amount of years or X amount of sexual experiences, you get to a point where you're like, okay, this is breaking my heart, I'm going to have to tell this person I had an orgasm because otherwise, like, this was my, this is, this was my experience. Now somebody else who's more vocal, somebody else who's more open could just simply say no, I'm sorry, babe, I didn't have one. Yeah, you know, yeah, which is what I should have done.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I didn't because I was too insecure and too, I would say I don't want to say childish, but naive yeah and I didn't speak up and I didn't say what I needed or wanted, but also I didn't know what I needed or wanted yeah, that's okay, and I think that for me, I'll hold your hand through it, boo.
Speaker 2:Oh. Thanks, boo gotcha. I think for me, learning to speak up and learning to be vocal about what I want, when I want it, how I want it, is something that I didn't learn until recently, and I always feel like there's that one person who unlocks the door for you. Miss, oh, whether whether it's somebody who you just have an experience with, or it's somebody that you're with for a really long time, or somebody that you just like, it doesn't matter, like there's going to be somebody in your life who unlocks that experience for you. You know, like for some people it's bringing a third person in, or whatever.
Speaker 2:Whatever gets you to get to that point. Thrupples, thrupples, she got what I was leading into. I genuinely, genuinely, genuinely apologize. My intention was never to hurt anyone. My intention was never to deceive anyone. My intention was always just to be gentle.
Speaker 1:She just wanted to be gentle with the women that she cared for and loved.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I wanted to be gentle, I wanted to be kind, I wanted it to all be okay, yeah. And now, looking back, I feel really bad. But at the same time, I can't change the past.
Speaker 1:You feel really bad but you also feel really good.
Speaker 2:I feel really bad because of what I did or didn't do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but you feel really good because you're orgasm now.
Speaker 2:I feel really good because I'm orgasming. Yes, and, and I think that the way it happened for me is probably just as important as like anything else, like. I think that for me it was about being super comfortable and I had sex with this person, miss o, multiple times. It wasn't like I had an orgasm on the first try so why am I just now like today?
Speaker 1:I? Know, like you feel like you've told me before. Yes, I told you before. I didn't know it was with the same person. I'm over here thinking you're like.
Speaker 2:No, this person who I had this orgasm with, Miss O. I had multiple sexual encounters with her over a period of time and I didn't have any orgasms with her for a really long time. She was really patient with me. I was also very open and I told her things that I had never, ever, ever, told anybody else, and I think that that made my weirdness more attractive to her. She was like, oh okay, Well, I think those kinks are hot and I was like, oh really.
Speaker 1:Do you think a part of it was also she was determined to be your first. Oh no, because she wasn't like it wasn't for her.
Speaker 2:It wasn't about being my first orgasm okay, for her it was about and she was also very, very, very much a giver which I had never been with another giver. So I think that was something that kind of fucked with me in the beginning because I was like I don't think this is gonna work because you're a giver, I'm a giver, how is this gonna work? And it worked because I had to let my guard down and I had to just shut the fuck up and receive, right. I was very honest and I said hey, listen, listen, I never had an orgasm. I don't know what I like as far as getting me there.
Speaker 2:I've always been a giver, so I know what other people like, I know what make other people feel good. But as far as my own body, like, I'm very, I'm very shameful. I have a lot of insecurities. I don't like this, I don't like that. Very shameful. I have a lot of insecurities. I don't like this, I don't like that, you know, and I and I kind of laid it all on the table, which I think is a big, big thing to do. Yeah, be honest, lay it all out on the table and if that person says I'm in, then you're probably going to have an orgasm. Yeah, you probably are going to have a good sex life yeah.
Speaker 2:And if that person also says babe, it's fine, take your time, we're going to explore this together, regardless of their sexual background or history or experience, I think you're also going to have a really good time.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I agree with you. I was in a situation where this person had more sexual experience than I had, and so I guess that was a benefit. Yeah, we had sex multiple times, I did an orgasm for a really long time and then finally one day I like support poor girl, she she was. She was gone for a while and it got to the point where I was like okay, this is enough, I just feel bad. But I will not lie to her.
Speaker 2:I told myself I made a promise to myself that I would never do that. What's a while Again. Like a while, I don't know. Like 30 minutes, oh, 20, 30 minutes. It was a while, yeah. And it got to the point where I was like, okay, this is not, this is not gonna go anywhere, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna stop her. So I did, and we kind of just laid there, had our intimate moment like nothing was happening, you know, um, and then she kind of started to like do other things.
Speaker 2:Okay, like caress me in other ways, touch me in other ways, and my initial reaction was to push her hands away. Right, because those are the things that in my mind. I was like, nope, that doesn't feel good, don't do that, nope. But for some reason I just said, just go with it. Oh, you let go, I let go, good. And I was like, just go with it, solange. Like see where this goes, yes, and it got to the point where I started to feel this like sensation that I had never felt before. So my orgasms masturbating are nothing like my orgasms with a partner, and I don't know if that's the same thing for anybody else, but it was definitely something for me. So I was like what the fuck is this feeling? And I almost stopped her because it's like it borders the feeling of uncomfortableness. Yes, which is the best way I can describe it. Yeah, a lot of times I would stop. I would stop people or I would shift, or I would do something to make that feeling stop.
Speaker 2:And once you pass that threshold of that feeling, holy shit it's a whole different thing yeah, then it's like yeah, literally, literally speaking and I cried, I've cried, I cried yeah, I get it because I felt like it had been so many years of my life like bottled up right, like I think I was 38, 37, 38, something like that.
Speaker 2:Oh shit, I don't remember it could be 38. I don't know, I don't remember, but yeah, I had that explosion and I was like, oh my God, yeah, what was I missing out on what? Clearly, a lot Clearly, you're missing out, and that has opened the door to everything else that has opened the Pandora's box. That has opened the Pandora's box. Now I'm like let's go.
Speaker 1:What's next?
Speaker 2:Bring it on you want to go to a party. You want to go to a sex party. What do you want to do?
Speaker 1:Oh, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing it. Sex parties.
Speaker 2:I've never been to one.
Speaker 1:But you know I'm curious, but I have a feeling you're going to one soon.
Speaker 2:I'm curious. I don't know about soon, but I'm curious. Have you ever been to one?
Speaker 1:No, not a sex. I've hosted a sex party. This was when I was dating someone that you dated first, God there's a lot of someones. Yeah, but we lived together and I hosted a sex party at our apartment, like in the rec room.
Speaker 2:In the rec room. Yeah, what do you?
Speaker 1:mean it's a sex party? Yeah, but the building's not going to be like what's going on in the rec room. Yeah, what do you mean? It's a sex party?
Speaker 2:Yeah, but the building's not going to be like what's going on in the rec room.
Speaker 1:I mean they were invited too, right, I had a shit ton of people there. Oh my God, I don't know about this story.
Speaker 2:Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, If I think that this person's name.
Speaker 1:No, don't even fucking say the initial Solange, Leave it alone. Don't even fucking say the initial Solange, leave it alone.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to think. If it's who, I think it is Okay. What city did they live in?
Speaker 1:Well, I don't know when you met them but yeah Well, when you met Northridge yeah, okay, it's that person.
Speaker 2:But then again we dated a lot of people in Northridge.
Speaker 1:Well, we've only dated three people at the same Not at the same time. No, not at the same time. No, no, no, no, different times. Yes, I had a sex party. Wow, I didn't know that I had a keg. I did a keg stand.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was fun.
Speaker 2:I can see that it was fun. Listen, wait, but was there sex being had?
Speaker 1:No, no Sex toy party.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, here you have me thinking you are on this whole other level.
Speaker 1:Oh, no, I'm not, and it's a sex toy party. Sorry, that was the ringer. No, yeah, it was a sex toy party. It was a lot of fun. I feel like I had a lot of parties, I hosted a lot of fun things. I had a single, dating, taken party. So if you were single, you wore green, if you were dating, you wore yellow, and if you were taking, you wear green.
Speaker 2:So it's like a stoplight what if you were like in a complicated situation?
Speaker 1:oh okay right, and so I hosted this party. It was for the people that are listening I know host another one.
Speaker 2:I know a few people that are listening.
Speaker 1:You should host another one. I know a few people that are listening right now that were at that party and I have pictures on my Facebook from that party. It was a good time. Listen, I used to do the damn thing, right. But no, I've never been to a sex party, ever. I'm not interested in going to one because I am jealous, right, I'm a jealous person. I am not shy about saying that. I'm not sharing my partner with other people. Nothing about seeing my partner, that's not your kink?
Speaker 1:No, it's not my kink. Now let's talk about kinks. What are some kinks that turn you off?
Speaker 2:Like things that are icks.
Speaker 1:Yeah sorry, what are some icks. Turn you off Like things that are icks. Yeah, sorry, what are some icks that you have.
Speaker 2:For me, a turn off is more of like an aggressive person, like somebody who is very aggressive in the sense of their personality and like they are very like rough.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, but not in a good way.
Speaker 2:Not in a good way. Like I don't like rough people, I don't like you to like, come and grab me and like would you get? Choked off with me Like I don't like that Uh no, but I don't mind choking. Oh, you don't mind that, you just don't want to get choked. But I don't mind choking. I don't mind doing a lot of things. I don't want a lot of things done to me. There's a difference. I'm also not into like messy people.
Speaker 1:Messy like if their home is messy.
Speaker 2:No, like messy, like you go to a club and somebody is drunk and messy and they come up to you like, oh yeah, I'm good, like that's no. I kind of think what other things turned me off about partners or, uh, their hygiene, oh, yeah, most definitely like you you cannot be with somebody who does not take care of themselves. I don't care. Like you need to be clean, you need to be groomed like you need to be.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I needed to be groomed. I know some people are like down with the bush.
Speaker 2:I'm not down with the bush you know, I don't mind I don't mind um hair I'm talking about a bush I just, yeah, I don't want to floss and I don't want to have to like hunt you know like your costume you, you, I don't, I don't want to have to go exploring and trying to find you my shirt If you ever want to go hunting like I don't need to. I don't need all that Like no, I mean no, not to like those that want to be free birds. I don't also like I'm not into body hair that's not into body hair either.
Speaker 1:Please, Please. I'm into shave your armpits. Yeah, I'm not into that. Like I understand, body hair is there to like, protect certain body parts. I get that, but like, nah, it's not for me.
Speaker 2:If it's your cup of tea, I'm not judging.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's not my cup of tea either. It's not mine at all. What turns you on? Oh my God.
Speaker 2:Oh, a lot of things do.
Speaker 1:We need to pull out a list. There are a lot there are a few. Okay, give us your top two things that turn you on sexually or in a sexually.
Speaker 2:Sexually isn't this a sex topic? Orgasm talk topic yeah dirty talk. Yeah, talk dirty to me, talk dirty dirty to me. Yes, most definitely women that are just like more open sexually and like don't like. I can't be with a square bear in the bedroom. I can't be with somebody who's who's not open to like toys or who's not open are you pointing at me why? No, I'm just saying like for me.
Speaker 2:I didn't want you to be into me anyways, that's not, that's not my thing, like I can't be with someone who's like not willing and wanting to explore not necessarily. I'm not saying all this personal I'm not saying like they don't want to use dildos, I'm just saying like they don't want to explore anything right, right, like they're like this work because I have been with people who are like you get into like a rhythm of monotony of like you have sex one way, and that's the way you have sex and nothing changes and that, to me, is the biggest relationship killer ever I know it is.
Speaker 2:It is relationship killer ever I know it is. It is Because, once you get into this routine of having sex this one particular way, every single time, you might as well bury me Like it is, like my, my desire for you is done.
Speaker 2:It's dead, it's gone. Because I feel like it really is important to keep things interesting, even if you're with the feel, like it really is important to keep things interesting, even if you're with the same person forever, like you should keep things interesting, whether it's you go to a sex store and you. You don't have to buy a dildo, but you can buy anything there's a lot of things there's so many things. You can try whips, you can try feathers, you can try vibrators. You could I mean the, the, vibrating underwear have you done that?
Speaker 2:I haven't. Oh, you've done it yes, who?
Speaker 1:who did you do these things with?
Speaker 2:my god boo, let me tell you about this. Who'd you do it with, miss? Oh, so the fuck. So the fuck. This we got, oh, we got some some vibrating, oh, both panties. No, no, no, no, she did, I was the controller, you were the controller, I was the controller.
Speaker 1:We went out to dinner and was it just the two of you? Yeah?
Speaker 2:yeah, I really. So this is actually quite a funny story. We're talking about funny sex stories. We went out to dinner and we were at this really really dimly lit restaurant. I think it was called, is it? Mr, uh, mr nice, mr nice guy or the nice guy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we were there oh great, now I gave away the place saying if anyone works there, run the cameras, run the cameras, let me know who she was with.
Speaker 2:So it was so dark? I don't think any. I don't even think I would know who I was with if this person hadn't walked in with me. Oh fuck. So we were sitting at dinner and it's a and if you've never been there, it's a really tiny restaurant. I've never been there. It's a really small restaurant. I mean, our table was smaller than this table, oh, and we were having dinner.
Speaker 2:It was really really dark and she was wearing the panties from like literally the start. So I had the little remote control and it's like this little like fob and it has, like I think it had like one button or two, I don't even remember. I think it was like one button and we're having dinner and I kind of, you know, I start it just, you know, on low, and you know we're having dinner, we're having a conversation and honestly, it is such a turn on to see the other person getting aroused. Yeah, and you're doing it, but you're not really doing it right, you know what I mean. So, cranking it up, cranking it up, cranking it up, she's shifting, she's like okay, you know, conversation, the waiter comes over talking to us or whatever next thing. I know the fucking thing is going on for so long, because she can go for a long time before she climaxes, like like insanely long, and it, it dies, or I don't, at least I think it dies it just stopped right right and said tap out, you're taking too long.
Speaker 2:You're taking too long we weren't made for this. Yeah right, it kind of died right before food came, we ate whatever, and she was like man, this really sucks. I came so close. And then we get up, we leave the restaurant, right, we're driving back to the house and I'm, like you know, in the car I was gonna start playing with it again. Boo, I left the fucking clicker, the, the remote control, at the restaurant. Oh my, somehow it fell out of my pocket or something and I was dying laughing because I was like, oh my god, first of all, this thing's expensive, right. Secondly, I was thinking the fuck my God, first of all, this thing's expensive, right. Secondly, I was thinking the fuck, how do I get this back? Do I call them and say hey? So I was just there the other night. Was there a remote control to some vibrating panties left behind? I'd really like to come by and pick that up.
Speaker 1:No, you just said I left my fob key.
Speaker 2:I left my fob remote there.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God.
Speaker 2:So that was that.
Speaker 1:So how'd you get the remote back?
Speaker 2:I didn't. Oh, you just left it. I was too freaking embarrassed to go back and get it.
Speaker 1:Oh, I would have went back.
Speaker 2:I would have went back, for sure I was already home by the time. I would have went back Like no.
Speaker 1:I would have went back.
Speaker 2:There's no way, but that was. Yeah, that was my sexy panty story. I've been meaning to get another pair because that's so much fun. Like, whoever you're with, that's fun, I mean, assuming that they're willing to participate.
Speaker 1:That sounds interesting, I think I would purchase a pair, not for myself.
Speaker 2:I was going to say would you wear them?
Speaker 1:Nah what.
Speaker 2:Why not?
Speaker 1:Would you wear them? No, so what are you asking me for?
Speaker 2:No, because vibration doesn't do anything for me.
Speaker 1:Oh no, I won't wear them because I don't want to be that vulnerable in public.
Speaker 2:But you like having sex in cars? I do. And bathrooms. Oh God, the amount of bathrooms I had sex in. It's fun, it is fun, it is very fun. What turns you on boo? I like being talked to dirty.
Speaker 1:Do you have like a limit though? Yeah, don't call me a bitch.
Speaker 2:Oh god, okay.
Speaker 1:Other than that, I mean what's?
Speaker 2:Other than that, anything goes yeah.
Speaker 1:I just despise the B word so much. I know a lot of people are like, oh, so they can call you like a dirty slut.
Speaker 2:They can call you a like. They can call you all those things. I don't know if I want to be called a dirty slut. I've never had that. Some women do like that. Uh-huh, I don't know. Go ahead.
Speaker 1:Wow, all right, I don't know. I just love the body-to-body sensation, like the kissing. I love nice, good kisses on the neck, on the mouth. I'm all about that. Those are my turn-ons. The flip of the hair, like when the hair is flipped in a certain way, I don't know. Don't worry, I'm not looking at you. Boo with your hair, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh shit, no, don't worry about that. Like I'm actually a very visual person, yeah, so for me, like I have to see things, Like, see what. Like for me, like see anything.
Speaker 1:Like if it's like you giving me head in a sense, watching me too. Like that you're getting pleasure off watching me Like I'm doing it right?
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:That's like a vote of confidence that I think it kind of like instills in my brain. Yeah, those are my turn ons have you ever been with a squirter? I'm going to take that as a yes. Oh my God, yes, I have been, I have been, I have been Fuck. You like it To a certain extent. I mean, until then you're, you're having to, uh, get a lot of towels and having to, you know, have them underneath you or clean up clean up on aisle eight, you know.
Speaker 1:But other than that. I mean, yeah, it's, it's good, um, but sometimes it can be a little much because you have to like clean up, but no, it lets you know that you're doing a good job. Like good job, you're the employee of the day.
Speaker 2:The student of the month, student of the day, student of the day, oh, God. Have you ever been with a squirter? Um, I don't think I've ever been with a squirter. I've been with a with girls who have like come a lot, okay, but not like it's like intense coming but not like oh shit, let's get a barrel, kind of thing no would I be turned on or off by it?
Speaker 2:I don't. I don't think it would bother me Either way. Either way, I feel like, if those are things that you can't really at least I don't think control about yourself.
Speaker 1:I think you can control it.
Speaker 2:Probably. I think there are people who could probably squirt on command.
Speaker 1:Yes, I think you can control it. I think when you let go, obviously you know, but I do think that you can control.
Speaker 2:Do you think you can master and control orgasms Like?
Speaker 1:when to have them. I think so. If you're vocal with your partner, so like if something's feeling, if you're about to climax and you say, hold on, I don't want to come yet, and your partner then pulls back on whatever they're doing to you, then you're controlling it in a way, right, but I think. Or unless you start thinking about like baseball, right, and then you're like I'm not going to come just yet, let me think about baseball, yeah, and then you kind of like prolong it. But it can also have the opposite effect, because you can create a situation where you don't come at all and then you kind of like can't come the rest of the night because you like fuck yourself over. I've had that happen where I was like so close and you keep like shifting, I shifted or I thought about like baseball, and then that leads me to my other question, boo yeah, have you ever been with someone and thought about someone else?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have it. I mean, yeah, I have, I have too, I have. I think that I think it's a pretty common thing. I think that, in the sense of what you were saying, like being a people pleaser, not wanting to let the other person down you might in your head think of other creative ways to enjoy your sexual encounters. And yeah, I've done that in the past. I mean, I'm not going to be ignorant and think that no one's ever done that with me. I think a thousand percent that's been done with me. Yeah.
Speaker 2:For sure, I think so too. I mean, you know, what I think is wild is that you can have such vastly different sexual experiences with different people, like I think, to myself sometimes. If you asked I don't know somebody who I've had sex with recently if I'm good in bed versus somebody who I was with before if I'm good in bed, their answers would be completely different to you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, agree.
Speaker 2:And I'm talking about like maybe the time span is not, you know, large, like it's like, just because we're two different people, we had two different experiences. I think that's wild, that you can have such different sex experiences with different people. What's your connection?
Speaker 1:And yeah.
Speaker 2:I've had like partners where we never use toys, we never explored, we never even went to a sex store together. Yeah, you know, I think also, though, because I was not necessarily sexually open with them, nor was I vulnerable with them in that way, and, if I'm being completely honest, I just kind of didn't want to, you know, participate in sex. Yeah, that leads me to my question yeah, what's the worst sex you've ever had, oh God, and how did you get out of that? Or did you even get out of it?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was Now that I think about it. It was fucking annoying. She was just fucking annoying, and you don't, that's the word. She was annoying on every fucking level of my life, Like it was a relationship that I actually regret having. It was a waste of my fucking time and I don't give a fuck if she's listening. Like that's just my raw honest truth.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't like the the. The way I feel about her is like I wouldn't say I hate her Cause, like that's giving her too much credit. I don't like her. I think she's a horrible human being.
Speaker 1:Um, in every way, I definitely think I was being used and I was ignorant. You know, I was really ignorant to a lot of things and it was the worst attempt at having sex. She was horrible, horrible. Yeah, when I look back at it, I was definitely being used as a rebound. She was a liar. Did I know this person? I don't know if I've ever introduced you to her, but I'm pretty sure you knew I was dating her. I think you've known everyone that I've dated, but that doesn't mean I introduced you to everyone, you know, because that's just what it was. But she was the worst. She would just like lay there and after a while, like I was just like ugh, like I'm just not into you. But she'd get mad if, like, a girl had a crush on me, or she'd get mad if I spoke to a girl. What the fuck are you getting mad for? Do something If you're not going to do shit. What the fuck are you getting mad for? Does jealousy turn you on?
Speaker 2:Jealousy in someone else.
Speaker 1:To an extent, not jealousy where you're accusing me of things that I'm not doing. If you're jealous, like light jealousy, yeah, like knowing that you don't want anyone else to have me, but not because you're completely possessive, but just because, like you might think I look good or you might think I have a good personality and you don't want me to make anyone else laugh or something like that.
Speaker 1:Like I'm into that you know like light jealousy, but not like where, if I'm talking to someone and it's completely innocent, you tell me I'm doing something wrong. But yeah, that was probably the worst. You know, it's crazy because for so long I didn't experience an orgasm when someone would go down on me, until Fernanda, and it was because, just like you said, like she was just really patient and I did cry. She's the only person that has like made me cry and has, and I've experienced that and it's because she is. She's a type like she wants you to feel good, right and is it?
Speaker 2:do you think it's so? Why didn't you have an orgasm through oral stimulation? Do you think so? You've only been able to come with a partner through penetration and through, like, stimulating the clip, your clip, yeah, okay. And then why not orally?
Speaker 1:I don't think they knew exactly what they were doing, or they cared enough to know what they were doing. Knew exactly what they were doing, or they or they cared enough to know what they were doing, whereas, like with Fernanda, I think that she was like nah, I'm going to make like, I'm going to like they lick everything but the area they need to be licking.
Speaker 1:We're like yeah, just different things, you know, and I think I think some people take it as like a challenge, like, oh wait, this I'm going to be the one to do that and I think in certain situations and I could be speaking for her, I don't know, you would probably have to ask her. When you go get your hair done. You can ask her.
Speaker 2:This Friday.
Speaker 1:Fernie. But yeah, I mean, in all my years of being lesbian, she's the first one and I do trust her. One thing that I will say, and it's not to toot her horn, but when it comes to certain things, she allows me to be vulnerable and then she kind of takes that vulnerability and she uses it to remind me as to why I'm safe. So I can give her that credit, you know. But yeah, I've, I've maybe also in the past. I didn't allow them enough time. I kind of maybe was like okay, that's enough, like let me do whatever to you and let's get it over with Maybe you know.
Speaker 1:I can, if I, if I'm speaking candidly, maybe- that's why I don't know. I don't know, I don't know, but yeah, that's why I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, but yeah, that's interesting. So I know the crying feeling. Yeah, I think it's only happened once, though She'll tell you if it's happened more.
Speaker 2:Well, I think usually the first time you experience something you've never experienced and you have been thinking it's your fault or your problem, You're broken for so long. It definitely has you have a reaction to it.
Speaker 1:It triggers. It triggers something different, right yeah?
Speaker 2:do you have? We're gonna, we're gonna spin this to a lighter side do you have a funny sex story to share oh man, I have a few.
Speaker 1:There is one, though, that I always like get embarrassed about, even though it's been probably like I would say, maybe seven, eight years. Fernanda and I were at a friend's house, sitting on the couch. I don't know what we were watching, it wasn't porn or anything like that, but we were very early on in our relationship and I think we were like, oh, let's go to the car or something, something like that, and we had told them where we're going to go to the car to like get something. I don't remember what excuse we gave as to why we were leaving. And this is when I have, like my two-door Altima coupe. So we're in the car, we're in the back seat and we're like doing the do, and I think it was her legs were up or my legs were up, I don't know, but it was like definitely in an acrobatic position, and my friend walks out to go to his car oh my God. And I guess he sees the car was like moving. And so he looked in the car and he saw it was us. Oh my God.
Speaker 2:Did he like tap on the window?
Speaker 1:he laughed and I was so embarrassed you guys saw him? Yeah, we all saw each other, oh my god so like you literally saw each other oh my god, I think about that story. And he like, if he sees me, he likes to bring it up like oh, I'm sure he does.
Speaker 1:Remember that one time and I'm like fuck, yeah, I do, yeah, that was, and I've gotten caught in cars before. Like one time I was like in the street and it was night and this guy like came up to the window and he like knocked on the door, or on the window and he's like I'm gonna call the cops on you, you can't do this in public. And he like had a flashlight, uh-huh. And he like flashed it in the car.
Speaker 2:Oh my god. Luckily I don't think I've ever gotten caught in the car.
Speaker 1:But what's your? What's your, what's your funny story?
Speaker 2:god, yeah, let's let's hear this um. So I had a injury, well, a re-inj, so I had injured myself previously and I re-injured myself during sex. What were you doing?
Speaker 1:What were you doing? Like so I Okay, wait time out. What body part did you injure?
Speaker 2:It was so. I had originally injured my neck, oh, previously. So you In a non-sexual manner and I re-injured my neck in a sexual manner. Were you down there too long? No, that's the funny part, were you getting?
Speaker 1:choked out from behind. So what the fuck were you doing?
Speaker 2:I don't know how to explain this. So how did?
Speaker 1:you hurt your fucking neck so long I think I don't know.
Speaker 2:I think I just jolted my body in a way or jerked myself in a way where, after you jerked yourself off, you jerked your neck. I tweaked my neck. And when I tweaked my neck, I felt the pain shoot down my my back to my feet and I was like fuck, this is feels very similar to the feeling I had before. Oh no, and I turned around and I just laid there and I was like I just hurt myself, but I was so embarrassed and I didn't want to say anything, so I just laid there. But it got to the point where I was getting like this massive headache that I had to just tell her. And she felt so bad. She was like oh my God, what can I get you? What do you need? And I was like just Tylenol, advil, a cold towel, clothes, I'm like I don't know, just anything that's going to make me not be mortified right now.
Speaker 2:I was so I hurt myself so bad. It hurts so fucking bad. I also was so embarrassed. I ended up I was like out for a while Out of what? Commission, commission, well, out of commission. And also like my neck was fucked up. I had to go to a chiropractor and the whole thing you had like a neck brace.
Speaker 2:No, I didn't have a neck brace. No, I got adjusted and I paid your guy a visit oh, you did, yeah.
Speaker 1:And what did you tell them was so? I remember this injury, uh-huh. What did you tell him happened? I told him the true story. No, you did it yeah, I did.
Speaker 2:What did he say? He just laughed. He's like, you're not the first. Oh my god, I was like oh, that makes me feel better, oh my god, you told him he's like a fucking nerd I don't care, he's a doctor and he helped fix me. He asked me how it happened. I was like do it?
Speaker 1:I said so you lied to me and you told him the truth do you want the real story?
Speaker 2:and he's like, yeah, and I was like, okay, well, I hurt myself, and then he probably was like what's your range of motion? Yeah yeah, and I was like right here. He's like all right, let me get on my table, let me adjust you, let me tell you how long you couldn't do that again for no, he didn't give me a no, he's like you'll feel better.
Speaker 2:You're gonna be really sore, but you'll feel better in a couple of days. I was like, okay, I you're, you're. I mean, previously I really hurt myself like I had herniated a disc and the whole thing. So this time I thought, oh, fuck, yeah, but no, it wasn't as bad, thank god. Oh, my god. But yeah, that's what happens when you get old no, it just happens, or when you're just too stiff. I don't know, do you stretch now, before you have sex? Now I start stretching. I'm like all right let's get into this.
Speaker 1:How do you do your neck stretches? You gotta To the sides.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I don't do neck stretches but I should, I do them. Not before sex.
Speaker 1:No, I don't think to myself the day, because the neck is a really I mean yeah if you're sitting at the desk for a long time but anyway.
Speaker 2:Now we're going off on a tangent that we don't need to go on.
Speaker 1:Well, that was a really interesting episode. Two-part episode. I've learned a lot of things about you that I didn't really know.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I'm sure there's so much more that you don't know. Well, I can't wait to continue these conversations as these episodes go on, yep.
Speaker 2:As we discover more about our crazy sexual pasts or futures or present moments. Yes, all of the above. All of the above, maybe we'll do like a sex toy.
Speaker 1:Have your dildo in there.
Speaker 2:No, I mean, we pull something out. I'm going to get you the snail. You're going to talk about it.
Speaker 1:I, I'm gonna say more about it. Yeah, because.
Speaker 2:I mean it didn't work for me, but I'm pretty sure it will work for you, yeah, so I think that's it for today. I hope that this episode kind of shed some light on women's sexual health, orgasms and the ability to kind of let yourself go and be more vulnerable. And also, you will eventually get there at some point. With some time, patience and understanding partners, it will happen. Yeah, don't be so hard on yourselves. Yeah, don't be so hard on yourselves. Please let us know if you have any questions or topics you want us to discuss. Next. We are pretty open to chatting about almost anything or anything really at this point.
Speaker 2:You kind of know some pretty damn intimate details about us. Oh man. Yes, thank you so much for listening. Make sure to like, subscribe, rate us on whatever platform it is that you listen to us on. It really helps the channel, it helps us to continue to do this and we truly appreciate you guys taking the time to listen or watch. Thank you Later, booze.
Speaker 1:Later booze.
