The Story Behind the Hustle: What Growing Up with Nothing Actually Does to Your Brain

Three weeks ago I bought a couch.

And what happened in my brain when I bought that couch tells you everything you need to know about what scarcity actually does to a person, even long after the circumstances have changed.

I had a budget in my head. The couch was over it. But the second I sat in it I knew. It was down. I had never sat in a down couch before and I did not know I needed one until that exact moment. And I still sat there running every scarcity thought my brain has ever had.

I can't afford this. What if something comes up. What if. What if. What if.

Even though I could afford it. Even though I had done the math.

That moment stopped me in my tracks. Because I realized the circumstances had changed. The brain hadn't.

In this episode I get honest about where that scarcity brain actually came from. Growing up watching money cause pain. Leaving for college with almost nothing. Walking and running everywhere crying, telling myself it couldn't be like this forever. Losing everything in an apartment fire. Making a vow with nothing but sheer determination to back it up.

That vow saved me. But it wired me in ways I'm only now starting to understand.

In this episode we talk about:

— The couch that made me realize my scarcity brain hadn't gotten the memo

 — What it felt like growing up with money causing constant pain 

— Running and crying to multiple jobs in college just to survive 

— Losing everything in an apartment fire and starting over with nothing 

— The vow I made to never depend on anyone for anything 

— What scarcity wires into your nervous system even after you're safe 

— Why pushing things way down is my superpower and what it costs you 

— Learning that money flows and taking care of that younger version of yourself

"You don't have to keep living like she's still in danger."

If this one hit home send it to someone who needs to hear it.

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"I decided to stop performing and start telling the truth."

Transcript

The Couch That Triggered Scarcity

Jama Pantel 0:00

Y'all, three weeks ago I bought a new couch. And before you go thinking that this is a decorating episode, stay with me here. Because what happened in my brain when I bought that couch tells you everything you need to know about what scarcity actually does to a person. I had a number in my head, a budget, and this couch was way over that. But the second I saw it and sat in it, I knew. This is exactly what my life had been missing. Okay, not really, but it was a down couch. I'd never in my life sat on a down couch before, and I didn't know I needed it until that exact moment. And do yourself a favor, go sit on a down couch if you hadn't before. Now, it was a floor model, custom ordered by somebody else who didn't pick it up after all, which is why it didn't look like any of the other couches I had seen in the four other stores I'd been to. They all started blending and looking alike, but that was also why the price was actually closer enough to my original budget to make it possible. And I still sat there on that couch in that store, running through every scarcity thought my brain has ever had. I can't afford this. What if something comes up? What if, what if, what if? Even though I knew I could afford it, even though I had done the math, even though this was exactly the kind of thing I had worked my whole life to be able to do without guilt. That moment stopped me in my tracks because I realized the circumstances had changed. My brain had not. And that's what we're talking about today. Hey y'all, it's your podcast, Bestie Jama. Welcome back to the Jama Pantel Unfiltered Podcast, where we say the things out loud that most people keep pushing way down. Which is very on theme for this episode. Because pushing things down is my superpower. Truly, I have a PhD in keeping it moving. And today I want to talk about where that came from and what it actually costs you. If you are around for season one of this podcast, back when it was called Living the Whole Picture, I think about 12 people were listening back then. I did an episode called The Story Behind the Hustle. It was probably the rawest thing I had ever recorded or shared, and I never shared it on my blog or on social media because honestly, it was too much at the time, and it still is. But I'm in a different place now, and this show is called Unfiltered for a Reason. So here we go. As some of y'all may know, I grew up in a small Texas town, a ranch, no stoplights, my class from kindergarten through fifth grade had five people in it, who I still talk to today. Life was simple in a lot of ways. But even as a kid, I was very aware of adult struggles. Money was always a source of tension, I watched it cause pain in ways that stuck with me long before I had the words for what I was witnessing. By the time I graduated high school, things were really tight. My mom gave me an IOU for my graduation gift. That piece of paper meant everything to me because it showed me how much she cared even when there was nothing tangible to give. When I left for college, I brought with me a set of twin bed sheets, a few pieces of the clothes I had, and not much else. No car, no savings, no safety net. I remember talking to my future roommate before we moved in and realized when she asked me what I was bringing that I honestly had nothing to contribute to the dorm room. It was embarrassing, but I made do. And then college of course happened. I worked multiple jobs just to survive while surrounded by students who seemed to have everything cars, clothes, parents paying tuition, people who didn't seem to worry about where they were going to sleep or spend their holidays. I walked, well, ran everywhere I needed to be. Running was my savior back then, and honestly, as y'all know, it still is today. And then my apartment burned. Just mine. I lost everything. Literally everything. Clothes, belongings, furniture from my grandparents. For someone who already had so little, it felt like rock bottom. I remember sifting through the ashes and finding the three ring binder of my picture portfolio. I had negatives back then, and that's when it really hit me. I had nothing. I crashed on friends from high school's couch. I relied on those friends. They gave me clothes. They showed up for me in ways I will never forget, and they know who they are, and I've thanked them profusely. I started running up credit cards just to get by, and somewhere in the middle of all that, I made a vow to myself. I would become financially independent. I would never depend on anyone for anything, and I would never ever go back to that feeling again. And I am struggling to say this, it still brings tears to my eyes when I talk about it, which is why I don't usually share. But anyways, that vow saved me. I want to be really clear about that. That vow is why I built my business, why I kept going when things got hard, and why I never stopped. When you've reached rock bottom, there really is nowhere to go but up and nothing really scares you anymore at that point. But here's what nobody tells you about survival mode. The wiring doesn't just go away when circumstances change. Again, I'm an expert at pushing things way down and just keep going. It genuinely is my superpower. I can compartmentalize like nobody's business. I can keep a brave face on and a smile on my face when everything inside me is falling apart. I spent years doing exactly that. And it worked. It kept me going. But that same skill, the one that saved me, also kept me from feeling things I probably needed to feel. It kept me from resting when I needed to rest. It kept me from spending money on things I had actually earned without guilt. It kept me in constant forward motion even when forward motion wasn't what I needed. Because when you have built your survival around never stopping, stopping feels like a threat. Even when you are safe, even when you have the couch budget, even when you have done the work, the brain still runs the old program. And for a long time I didn't even know that's what was happening. I just thought that that was who I was. Here's what I'm starting to understand, slowly and imperfectly, as always. That girl who walked or ran, and cried her way to multiple jobs, who crashed on couches, and lost everything, and kept going anyways, who made the vow with nothing but sheer determination to back it up? She needed to do all of that. She did what she had to do to survive. But I don't have to keep living like she's still in danger. Taking care of her doesn't mean continuing to operate from her fear. It means showing her that things are different now. That the work paid off, that she can in fact sit on that down couch without guilt. That money flows, and I know that sounds cliche, but the more recent years have proven it to me over and over again. It has a way of showing up when you need it if you stay open to it. And that's new for me. Letting go of the control, trusting the flow a little, not being quite such a control freak about every single dollar or every single outcome. Still a work in progress, as I will tell you openly, I still catch myself running the old program all the time. But I'm getting better at noticing it now, and noticing it is the first step to changing it. So if you grew up with money causing pain in your house, this episode is for you. If you built your whole identity around never needing anyone, this episode is for you. If you've done the work and changed the circumstances, but your brain still hasn't gotten the memo, this episode is for you. You are not broken. You are wired for survival. And survival got you to where you are now. But maybe, just maybe, you don't have to earn safety anymore. Maybe you can just have it. That's what I'm working on. One down couch at a time. Alright y'all. If this one hit home, send it to someone who needs to hear it, and I'll talk with y'all again real soon. Thanks y'all. Bye.