The Moment I Realized I Was Building a Business I Didn't Actually Want

You've built the business. You've done the work. But what happens when you realize the business you built isn't actually the one you wanted?

This episode is about the exhaustion of explaining your value to people who've already decided it isn't worth it, the moment a cancer diagnosis made everything reorder itself, and what it actually looks like to slowly build toward the right thing instead of sprinting toward the wrong one.

If you've ever felt like you were building something that looked right on paper but felt completely wrong in your body...this one's for you.

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"I decided to stop performing and start telling the truth."

Transcript

The Question Behind Client Chasing

Jama Pantel 0:00

Why can't the perfect clients just find me? I've said that out loud more times than I can count. And honestly, I'm still asking it today. But somewhere along the way I realized the real question wasn't how to find the right clients. It was why I had spent so many years building a business trying to be everything to everyone. And I was exhausted. Hey y'all, it's your podcast Bestie Jama again, and today I want to talk about something that took me a long time to admit. Because it's one thing to fail at a business. That's hard, but at least it's clear. It's a whole other thing to realize you've been succeeding at building something you didn't actually want. And that one's a little sneaky and hard and took me years to see. I've been a portrait photographer for I don't know, probably thirty years, but fourteen years in business. The work itself, I loved it. The brand I built, I'm proud of it. People know my name. That part never went away. But the business side of it, specifically the part where you have to explain your value over and over and over again to people who just don't get it, that part was draining the life out of

When Value Needs Constant Defending

Jama Pantel 1:32

me. Here's what a lot of people don't understand about photography as a business. Back in the film day, yes, I started way back then, everyone got a physical product. I actually loved mounting images and giving them to people. That was just how it worked. Prints, albums, wall art, you ordered what you wanted. Now everyone comes in expecting to get all their digitals. And look, I don't hate digitals. My digitals are priced the same as my products per image. However you want it, that's up to you. But what would happen over and over is I would explain this as clearly as I possibly could, and clients would still come back after viewing their galleries and say, wait, I don't get them all? And I would have to explain it again. I've had clients screenshot their proofs from their gallery, post them on social media, and then turn around and tell me that they didn't like any of them. I wish I was kidding about that. And here's the thing I finally had to accept. If someone doesn't value photography, if they don't value what we do, there is no explanation that will ever change that. You cannot sell someone on your value if they've already decided that it isn't worth it. And spending my energy trying was slowly killing my love for the work itself.

Cancer, Time, And A Hard Reset

Jama Pantel 3:08

Then my mom was diagnosed with cancer and everything reordered itself. I remember sitting outside a venue, I was scouting for my second portrait gala, and I was sitting there and I just started crying because my heart wasn't in it anymore. And I realized when you're trading your time for money, and then something like this happens, it becomes very clear very fast what actually matters in life. I had done this before actually, when my dad was diagnosed with cancer years earlier. I poured everything into my work, and it actually helped build the business that I had. But my body started turning on me. A combination of turning forty, hormonal shifts I didn't fully understand yet, and years of pouring out more than I was taking in. By the time my mom was diagnosed, I was done chasing. I want to pour into people who value what I do, who value themselves enough to want it, and who pour back into me. I still love documenting people in life, that hasn't changed and it never will. But it has to be as meaningful for them as it is for me. Here's something I don't think I've talked about on the podcast before.

The Senior Portrait Experience That Stuck

Jama Pantel 4:35

When I was a senior in high school, I actually hated my senior portrait experience. I didn't even want to go. My best friend, who is still one of my besties today, actually came to my house to pick me up and forced me to go because our journalism teacher, we were in your book together, made her go pick me up and made me do this. But the real reason I knew I couldn't afford any of the pictures, anyways. So why show up? Like I said, I was on your book staff, so I had to. But the experience left a mark on me. And I think that's exactly why I love working with seniors now. Because I know what it feels like to show up to something like that and feel like you don't belong in it. I want every senior I work with to feel the opposite of that. I want the session to feel special. I want the images to feel like them. Because you will never get that moment in time back. And they are full of potential and excitement, and I remember being that age too. So much life ahead of you. I had a senior and her mom flying from out of state to work with me once, and it was so fun. They wanted to shoot in the blue bonnet, you know, the same images I was published in the New York Times for. The mom was from Texas originally and convinced her daughter it was a thing to do. Which is totally is, y'all, so do it. Anyway, we had so much fun. They were both business owners themselves and understood the value. They came ready to be there. That is what photography is supposed to feel like. And headshots, honestly, they're just so much fun. They're like grown up senior portraits, maybe in a way. Um, they're focused, they're purposeful, and the people who booked them already know why they need them. There's no real explaining required in

COVID Sparked A Pivot To Speaking

Jama Pantel 6:31

that. Then came the pivot to podcasting and speaking. Here's the other thing that happened. During COVID, I had time. Real time, like nothing I'd ever had before. And I started putting myself out there in ways I never had. Videos, tutorials, educating and speaking on photography. And the more I talked about it, the more I realized it wasn't just about photography. It was about business in general. It was about women who have so much to offer but tend to shy away from the spotlight. And something lit up in me that had been quiet for a long time. As many of y'all may know, if you know me, I am an introvert by nature, which might surprise people who have seen me speak or listen to the podcast. But I know what it feels like when someone says something that just lands, that makes you feel less alone, and that's why I want to do this. That's what this podcast is. That's what speaking is for me. So here's where I'm at now. I've built landing pages for senior portraits and headshots, been there, done that. I'm working on one for speaking, which, if I'm being honest, is really scary. I know what I want the business to look like in this dream state of mine. What I haven't yet figured out is the magic answer for how the right people will just find you. Remember how I started with this? Without the hustle, without performing on social media, without chasing. And honestly, I think that's a question a lot of us are sitting with right now. But what I do know is this. I would rather build slowly toward the right thing than sprint toward the wrong one. Y'all know I'm a marathon runner, right? Not a sprinter. And realizing you've been building the wrong thing isn't a failure. It's the most important information you can gather for yourself. Because now you know. And knowing lets you build back up differently.

Build Slowly Toward The Right Thing

Jama Pantel 8:42

Alright, y'all, that's all I've got for today. If any of this resonated with you, if you've ever felt like you were building something that looked right on paper but felt wrong in your body at your core, you're not the only one. I'll see y'all next Tuesday. But if you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe to Jama Pantel Unfiltered wherever you listen to your podcasts, and leave me a review. I promise it really does help more women find the show. Alright, bye for now, y'all.