Human Design Money Line: Control, Abundance, and Letting Go

I was parentified before I started school. Cooking meals for seven, getting my sisters out the door, reading the room before I could read a book. That pattern did not stop when I grew up. It followed me into every job, every relationship, every corner of my business. And it turns out it is written directly into my Human Design.

This episode is about Channel 21/45, the Money Line. The tension between Gate 21, the control piece, and Gate 45, the Abundance Queen. And the night in 2021 when I finally opened my hands and let people in and something magical happened that I have never been able to replicate since.

The more you grip, the less flows. You can only create the conditions and then get out of the way and let magic happen.

Pull your free chart at Tracy Hill's site: abeautifulfix.com/pages/hdchart

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"I decided to stop performing and start telling the truth."

Transcript

Parentified Into Control

Jama Pantel 0:00

I was parentified before I even started school, learning how to cook meals for seven people, my whole family, getting my little sisters up, fed, dressed, and ready to go out the door for school, reading the room before I could read a book, being the strong one, the responsible one, the one who held everything together because someone had to do it, and that pattern did not stop when I grew up. It followed me into every job, every relationship, every corner of my life, and my business, over functioning, managing outcomes, holding all the reins because if I let go even for a second, everything's gonna fall apart. Just because you could carry it all doesn't mean you should have had to. I said all of that stuff on an earlier episode in season one, and it still hits every time. Because it took me a very long time to understand that the need to control everything was not a strength, it was a wound.

The Money Line In Human Design

Jama Pantel 1:02

And it turns out it was also written directly into my human design. Hey y'all, it's your podcast, Bestie Jama again, four episodes into this human design series, and today we're talking about the Money Line, channel 21/45. This one connects directly back to the oldest daughter episode I did in season one. So if you have not heard that one, go back, it's worth listening to. Because this channel explains the energetic wiring underneath patterns I have been living my whole life. And once I understood it, I could not unsee it. So what exactly is the channel twenty one forty five line? It's called the Money Line in Human Design. It connects gates twenty-one, the gate of control, to gate forty five, the gate of the gatherer. Together, they create a channel about material resources, leadership, and the tension between managing everything yourself and learning to lead through others. Gate twenty one is the control piece. People with this gate are natural managers. Things genuinely do run better when they are in charge. The shadow is that they can become controlling, overfunctioning, and completely exhausted from holding everything together because they do not trust anyone else to do it right. Sound familiar, y'all? So gate forty five is the gatherer. I did a more business oriented human design chart along with the regular one, and in that one it's called the Abundance Queen. It is about leading a community, bringing people together, and creating something bigger than yourself. The shadow is scarcity and holding resources close. The gift is natural leadership that draws people in and creates collective abundance. When I read those two descriptions together, I sat with it for a long time. Because both of them are me. The control and the gathering, the grip and the generosity, and the tension between them has been the central conflict of my whole entire life. So oldest daughter syndrome and gate twenty-one are the same story in two different languages. The need to control outcomes, the overfunctioning, holding all the reins, because if you let go even for a second, everything falls apart. Not trusting anyone to do it right, running on empty while managing everything for everyone around you and calling it strength. Y'all, again, I have done this my whole life. At jobs I stayed in too long, in relationships I held on past their season, in my business where I did everything myself for years because no one could do it the way I needed it done. And what human design helped me understand is that this is not a character flaw. It is my wiring. The gift of gate twenty one is real. I am capable. Things do run well when I'm in charge. That energy is not wrong, but the shadow of it has cost me more than I want to calculate. Energy, peace, the ability to receive help without feeling like receiving it means I failed. Just because you could carry it all doesn't mean you should have had to. And it definitely does not mean you have to keep doing it that way. Although change

The 40 Over 40 Gala Lesson

Jama Pantel 4:30

is hard, right? So in 2021, I did something that felt a little terrifying and a little impossible and completely right all at the same time. I photographed 40 women over the age of 40 and brought them all together for a gala gallery called 40 over 40. I had a vision. What I did not have was the ability to execute it alone. And that is where everything changed. Michelle Golden, she reached out to me because she wanted to take part in this, and as I got to talking to her, I realized she this is what she did for a living, put together events. So I handled her portrait session and she handled all the logistics for my event. She found the venue, set everything up, made sure the whole thing was physically possible. So Linda Nickel, who runs a weekly photography education Zoom called The Happiness Hour, and claims she's the best at connecting people. Hi Linda, we all know you're right. She and a couple of her friends who became my friends because she let me in her circle, Karen and Erin, showed up that night for me and handled the door and everything else, greeting people, all that fun stuff. So, and then my friend Emily, who I've known for my softball playing days, helped me write and clean up all the stories for my ladies that were gonna go on display. My entire family showed up. Even my dad, who genuinely hates leaving home, was there. Childhood friends showed up, political friends showed up, friends from every single stage of my life were in that room. And a lot of the coordination and planning happened while I was actually in Paris running the marathon with my little sister, which meant I had to trust people with something I cared deeply about while I was on another continent. For someone wired the way I am, that is not a small thing. The evening of the gala, I had to get up and speak in front of all of them. Back then I was not the speaker I am now. Always a work in progress. I was in the middle of Toastmasters and still finding my footing in front of a room, and I was overwhelmed with gratitude in a way I did not have words for, probably even cried a little bit. The things those women said to me and about me still touch me to this day, and honestly I don't remember what I said to the room when I stood up there to speak to them. But one message I kept from one of the women said, You know you're special when everyone in the room says I want to be her best friend. And this project made each and every one of us feel so special and so seen. I know for me personally and probably for many others, we never would have had an opportunity such as this without you and your efforts. Y'all, I hold on to that dearly. And I tried to do another gala the following year, and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Nothing will ever match that energy and what that room was. That night was the abundance queen showing up. And she only showed up because I finally opened my hands to let people in to help.

Open Hands Create Bigger Rooms

Jama Pantel 7:39

So here is what channel twenty one forty five keeps teaching me. The more you grip, the less flows. The more you control outcomes, the smaller the outcome gets. The gala could not have been what it was if I had controlled every detail. The things that made it magical were the things other people brought that I never could have planned. Michelle found a venue I would not have found. Linda brought her people who became my people. Emily helped me with the stories and things I probably would have missed. I was so busy managing so much, and they were amazing. And of course my dad left home to come join us. You cannot plan any of that. You can only create the conditions for it and then get out of the way and just let magic happen. And I'm still learning this. The oldest daughter in me still wants to hold all the reins. The abundance queen in me knows the room gets bigger when you open your hands. Those two parts are in constant conversation and I don't think that tension ever fully goes away. You just get better at choosing the one that actually serves you. So if you have channel twenty one forty five in your chart, or if any of this sounds uncomfortably familiar, even if you do not, I want you to sit with this question. What would be possible if you open your hands a little? What room could you fill if you stopped trying to build it alone? I'm gonna put Tracy Hill's link in the show notes again for you to pull your own human design. So next week we're gonna get into the Surrender Channel, channel 26/44, and why it has been the hardest piece of my design to actually live. That one's gonna be real. Alright, folks, that's all I've got for now. Bye y'all.