Gust of Wanderlust
Welcome to Gust of Wanderlust!
Join players Sam, Matt, Rayla and Taylor as they journey through our homebrew setting of Mirabillis under the guidance of our oh so humble DM Charlie.
Gust of Wanderlust
Ep.12: Hostage Situation
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WELCOME Back TO THE TOUR TO SAVE THE WORLD!
Join the misfits as they navigate intense hostage negotiations, Pyr finds a lead, The Catawumpus takes a leak, Kasper tries not to die and Neil gets handsy with a bomb.
Music:
Our theme song was composed by Tom Bretherton!
https://linktr.ee/tombcomposer
All other music is sourced from Fantasy+ and Epidemic Sounds.
SFX:
All SFX is sourced from Fantasy+
https://linktr.ee/gustofwanderlust
Charlie:
Instagram: @chazzstagram
Sam:
X & Twitch: @solarysseVT
Matt:
Nowhere
Rayla:
Bluesky: @buttergoose
Taylor:
Bluesky: @forthejaffas
YouTube & Twitch: ForTheJaffas
Hello everyone and welcome back to Gust of Wanderlust. Now I know what you want, so I'm not gonna delay this any further. You are now listening to Gust of Wanderlust the Tour to Save the World. Episode twelve Hostage Situation and welcome back to another episode of Gust of Wanderlust. I am your DM, the one, the only, Charlie. Welcome back. As always, I'm joined by these wonderful players, and today's question for them and their characters is are you an optimist or a pessimist? Simple. Easy. And as always, we start with Sam.
SPEAKER_04Hello. I'm the Sam. I am playing the big heckin' horseman, Pier. Is Peer an optimist? Or a pessimist? I think it depends on what he's holding in his hands. Uh if he has a sword in his hand, he's a massive optimist. If he's not holding a sword in his hand, he's kind of a bit more of a he's a probably a pessimist then. So I can't kill anything now. But if he's got a sword, he can kill anything. And he'll try if he needs to. I think that pretty sums it up pretty well. Hammer as well. For opt uh for optimism.
SPEAKER_03Hi, I'm Matthew. Uh I play Zagatavumpus. I I know for certain that Zagadavumpus is indeed an optimist. Because uh uh coincidentally, um uh and possibly quite uncoincidentally in the grand scheme of things, the colour of optimism just so happens to be yellow.
SPEAKER_08Oh damn.
SPEAKER_03I found that out ten seconds ago.
SPEAKER_08Good for him.
SPEAKER_00Because I don't know why my recording stopped the f again. So the intro isn't there. Okay, I can do it really fast. Speedrun. Hello, my name is Rayla, and I uh go by Casual Rayla on all social media platforms until I am doing my rebrand, where I will get new handles and everything, and I'll probably move over to Blue Sky. Anyway, is Casper an optimist or pessimist? This is a redundant question because we all know that he is loved by all and is an optimist. Uh, because yes, life can get you down, and uh maybe he is an omnivore or a pescatarian, I don't know.
SPEAKER_06Fantastic.
SPEAKER_00We'll redo it later.
SPEAKER_03You sounded so interested.
SPEAKER_07My name's Taylor. I play Neil, the Bardic Dwarf. I think Neil is is more of actually a pessimist more than anything. I think subtly um in the back of his mind, he wouldn't let people know that he would always expect, you know, good things. But um, but I think I think actually he's always always expecting bad things to happen to him just out of sort of just his life circumstances. Everything just seems to go wrong. Um but yeah, that's what I think.
SPEAKER_08Alright. Well last time. You all had just come across the riverside town of Sprigborough, which unfortunately for you all was taken over by the mercenary company Lone Victory, but you couldn't escape because they had blocked off the river, so you couldn't leave. So you had no choice but to dock in their port. After you got off the boat, you were quickly informed that you would be frisked. Casper, panicking, used his bag of creatures to summon a giant badger, of which he tried to force feed an orb. And didn't go well. One of the guards noticed, came over to Casper, got bitten by the badger, kicked the badger into the river, then Casper kicked him in the nuts, then Peer seeing that, decided to unceremoniously decapitate this man. Then Casper somehow managed to palm the orb off to Zagadavumpus, who promptly swallowed it. After Peer decapitated this man, about fifteen guards swarmed around him until he surrendered, and then they arrested him. They took him to a large manor house, and re-upon realizing they actually didn't want him to come inside, they imprisoned him in a stable with the other horses. Then, Casper and the Badger went up to where Pier was imprisoned, and Zicadavumpus and Neil went to the pub. And two different plans were hatched during this time. Casper came up with a plan of disguising his badger as a mount and wanted to put it in the stables. And eventually, once Casper gave the Badger a signal, it would start digging out to let Pier out. At the same time in the tavern, uh, Neil, do you remember your plan?
SPEAKER_06Absolutely. I uh I got some guards very drunk with Zakatavumpus.
SPEAKER_07And I think Pier is oh no, Pier was in the obviously in the stable. So means Zakatavumpus got some We we gained the favour of some guards. What was his name? Lewis? No. Something like that. Um and we bribed them to uh to come and let Pier not let Pier out, but we wanted to go ride some horses around. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I wouldn't call it so much a bribe, more than a big thing. Oh yeah, we persuaded very It was coercion through alcohol. Hmm.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, it was it was just like, oh you guys wanna ride some horses? And they were like, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go do it! So we ended up running to the stables to try and um try and break Pier free, but obviously we were just trying to get some horses for the guards, Winky Face.
SPEAKER_08After this, as you can imagine, everything went to shit. Casper came to the tavern after they had cooked up this plan, unbeknownst to him, and then they made their way up to the stables, where Pier was being held. They chatted up some guards, got some of them drunk, made one of them pass out with a sleep draft. Then everything kind of went to shit. And after a large kerfuffle later, and a lot of and lockpicking and Casper being on the roof and guards noticing everything and all the noise happening, eventually Neil, Zakadavumpus, and a random guard ended up inside the stables with Pier, who was still shackled to a post in there. Whereas Casper was left outside, where he was then surrounded by about thirty men, and with one absolutely massive bloke, stood on the balcony of this manor house pointing a rifle at him. Neil, Zagadavumpus, Pier, and a guy, I think you might have knocked it. A guy? No, a guy is in the barn with you. And uh Kasper, you are outside surrounded by 30 dudes.
SPEAKER_06And what's the radius? They're they're around each other.
SPEAKER_08Let me think about the radius situation. If each person takes up a foot of space.
SPEAKER_07Well, they're crowded.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, they are crowd.
SPEAKER_06They're like how big is the doorway? More than a foot.
SPEAKER_08Well yeah, the doorway would be about two and a half foot wide, something. The doorway to the barn.
SPEAKER_07There's a barn door, right? It'll be like a feet wide maximum, right?
SPEAKER_08So it's like ten feet by twenty feet, probably.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, that's cool. Do you know my smoke machine I got?
SPEAKER_08You asked this last time. Okay, did I? Yeah. It's like you put it down.
SPEAKER_07Just checking. Just checking. Um well I'll go. Uh hang on a minute, everybody. What I think we've got a bit out of control. We were just looking for our horse, and some guards told us to come here.
SPEAKER_08Okay. Oh yeah, and the other three guards ran off with the horses, didn't they? Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Are you saying this through the closed door?
SPEAKER_07The doors were closed, were they? Yeah. Oh. Is the hole there where the badger made?
SPEAKER_08No, because it hasn't made a hole yet. Because it was waiting for Casper to scream. What the fuck was that? The guard who's pointing the rifle at Casper is just like, alright. Come out. Come out, or this little one gets his head popped off.
SPEAKER_07I'll look at the others and go. Please. What what's up what's our plan? Wait, Casper screamed. The Badger starts digging. The Badger starts digging. What was this? Dig speed? The Badger's speed.
SPEAKER_08Go, Badger, go! I think it's normal.
SPEAKER_07I don't really feel like being captured by the lone victory. That's probably not a good idea.
SPEAKER_03I think we established last time that it was gonna take a good few minutes, like five to ten or something like that, to actually be able to dig a big enough hole for Pier to be able to get through. I don't remember Pier, he's meant to be here.
SPEAKER_00You just need to put a blanket over him. No, we'll see. I'm a fat bass.
SPEAKER_03We'll heist him next time.
SPEAKER_08I just saw you all break into a barn where prisoner's being held. If you don't come out now, I'm shooting the the bird.
SPEAKER_07Alright, alright. I'll walk over to the door and I'm gonna pull out my bomb and um get get ready to light it.
SPEAKER_03Oh please, uh please, when we open the door, just go hot potato.
SPEAKER_07I'm gonna go look towards the boys and like the catavumpers and peer and go, I I don't know how this is going to turn out, but um I'm not gonna let them take us without a fight. So I love you both. I know it's only been a few days, but I've got a serious, uh serious, you know, thing with you guys. And then it and then it looks at looks at he sort of thinks for a second and goes, that sounded weird. Never mind. Let's just stand at the back of the barn, just in case this goes pear-shaped.
SPEAKER_04Well, we can't have a thing anymore if you're turning yourself into fucking mist. So don't turn yourself into fucking mist.
SPEAKER_07Behave. The only problem is these people don't seem good. And um I'm a bit on edge, I suppose.
SPEAKER_00Um is it possible to cast mage hand somewhere where you're not specifically looking? You have to be able to see it. Okay, if I do it, would I if I would do it near the little crack in the door, if someone is cracking open the door, because I have it says on my features and traits that I have mage hand ledgered main or whatever. It says that I can use the slide of hand action to make it invisible. You know, I I I would imagine that they could carry bombs. Uh how heavy is a bomb?
SPEAKER_07I never got the deets for it, I just got told it was a decent sized bomb.
SPEAKER_00What about the smoke bomb? You can just carry the smoke bomb over and make the smoke happen, and and then I would maybe be able to escape. I don't know. I'm desperate.
SPEAKER_08A bomb is one pound in weight. Well, at this point, you had a conversation with your boys. The guard is gonna shoot Casper in the leg.
SPEAKER_07I mean, I was going to the door. Alright, alright. I'll I'll open the door with the bomb in my hand at that point.
SPEAKER_08Oh, okay. Okay. Alright. Well, he he goes to pull the trigger and then the he sees the door crack. Look. We can have a conversation if you come inside. We can talk about your friend in the barn. You know what? Bring him in.
SPEAKER_04I'm tied to a fucking post.
SPEAKER_03Zekele Vumpus at this point is just gonna start hacking away at the manacles.
SPEAKER_08Okay.
SPEAKER_07Who who is this man? Would I recognise him at all?
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_08Uh no, you wouldn't recognise any of them apart from the ones in the field chasing a horse.
SPEAKER_07Okay, I'm gonna I will I will put the bomb in my back.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_07But I'm going to hold it with one hand. And if they try and take my gear off of me, I'm gonna light it.
SPEAKER_08Okay, sure.
SPEAKER_07I'll open the door and go, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. We're more than happy to come to the castle with you. No issues, as long as we are not, you know, treated unkindly or unfairly. But we have been fed misinformation. We were told that we should come here because of our missing horses, but it looks like some scoundrels just used us as a ploy to steal some of your horses. Um we're kind of just a a pawn in this game. But we're happy to come to the castle with you.
SPEAKER_08Well, it's not a castle, it's a house. Just to let you know. Like a big manor house, like a m manship. Fortified house. As a show of good faith, we'll give you the keys so you can let your boy out.
SPEAKER_04Thank you.
SPEAKER_08One of them has his keys.
SPEAKER_04Mind yourself though. My hands, fuck it out.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, I mean it's not get it's not getting far, the fucking sword.
SPEAKER_03Hey, look, it worked for the carrots, it'll work for this.
SPEAKER_08Roll an attack just to see if you can get it off before they come with the keys.
SPEAKER_03Nah, it was a it was a 10, but uh that would uh I mean you know it was 17 or something. I don't know, I'll have to quickly check.
SPEAKER_08I mean it hits. It hits it hits and manacles, just roll damage.
SPEAKER_03That would be eleven. Okay.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, you chip into them, but they don't break off yet. And then Neil comes over with the keys. You undo him, I guess.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Okay. You guys are still in the barn. Because the door's sort of crack now, you can see Casper out there. And the badger at the back of the barn is still digging. Good badger.
SPEAKER_05Did you walk out? Yeah, I'm walking, I'm walking out. Yeah. I'm gonna walk out. With my hand on my bomb. Yeah. With my hands up.
SPEAKER_08As soon as you come out, the the guards sort of move around to sort of like go behind you so you can go towards the house. Like, alright. Come inside.
SPEAKER_06Yep, follow.
SPEAKER_02Can I move now?
SPEAKER_04Do I fit? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03At this point, Zekatabumpers hasn't bothered sheathing his sword, and uh, presumably that's no problem.
SPEAKER_08They haven't been told to touch you yet.
SPEAKER_03Fantastic. Zekadabumpers does not care either way.
SPEAKER_08At this point, he stops aiming at you, Casper, so you can probably relax.
SPEAKER_04Do I do I fit in this here at house? Uh friend. Yes. Alright.
SPEAKER_08Yes, you do. They just didn't want to take you inside, is what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_04You had to do that.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, the horseshoes. You got so much mud on those horseshoes, man.
SPEAKER_04I've got so much blood on my hands. What's that to do with us? They put you at the fucking stable.
SPEAKER_08All of you have your gear apart from Pierre, obviously, because he's been arrested. And uh he takes you inside. You all walk inside, and it's just this m massive mansion house where you enter and there's a stairway in front of you that goes off into two directions, as you see in many mansions. There's like red drapery around the place and a massive red rug, and then there's a guard in there who sort of just stops you as you come in. And as the the guy who was on the balcony is coming down the stairs now. A big Goliath man! And he's uh marching down the stairs like Oh, hello. And Pierre, make a perception check, please.
SPEAKER_04I'm perceiving minus one, baby.
SPEAKER_08Twelve. Twelve. Uh you would notice he ha his armor is sort of like patched together from different armours, and you would notice uh a symbol of the Radiant Lords.
SPEAKER_04Oh, ah! I see, big fella. What? I see uh your armor. I guess. Uh how did you proquire this particular patch? I'm gonna point to roughly where that is. With that that that symbol there. Oh I I killed someone? Well, you're a fucker.
SPEAKER_09Oh right.
SPEAKER_08Well, sorry? I'm not sorry.
SPEAKER_04Uh that's alright. That's the business in it. I I've I probably killed more than a fair few of your lot as well.
SPEAKER_08Well, yeah, you've already killed one of them.
SPEAKER_04I have, didn't I? I I did that.
SPEAKER_08He's just sort of like standing at the bottom of the stairs and just sort of looking all of you up and down. And then some some guards come up to him and like they they've got a bag of stuff. You can assume it's like your stuff up here. And he gets it, looks through it. One of them goes to reach for his at his back pocket where he previously had a a pen.
SPEAKER_01Can I put it back really quickly?
SPEAKER_08Uh he's not near you.
SPEAKER_01Can I stealth mage hand? Can I still do that?
SPEAKER_08Sure, you can try. Oh my god. What are the what are the components of mage hand? Do you have to speak?
SPEAKER_00Let me let me check. Uh it's verbal. Or slash somatic. What does that mean? No, it's both. Okay, I uh could I just you know run over there silently and bend over like oh you dropped something?
SPEAKER_08You see, there's a there's there's a guard in front of you clearly watching you. So he would probably stop you from running over there.
SPEAKER_00Could I do the classic, point to another director, said, look over there, and and then toss the pen about the guy's ass. You s you don't scrap all that. I have a have a good idea here.
SPEAKER_08Okay. He he reaches back into his pocket, doesn't find anything, and he's just like, Oh, I must have dropped it.
SPEAKER_02Hey, you didn't you take my pen earlier?
SPEAKER_08Uh me yeah. I dropped it though somewhere.
unknownWhat?
SPEAKER_08I must have lost it.
SPEAKER_02What? That was a very you know it was an Urloom.
SPEAKER_08Well, you weren't getting it back.
unknownWhat?
SPEAKER_08You weren't getting that back. We took that with a specific purpose to give to someone else.
SPEAKER_02What do you mean?
SPEAKER_08W oh, uh we stole that from you. Yes. We we frisked you, found it, and we took it.
SPEAKER_02I thought you were gonna have it for safekeeping.
SPEAKER_08No, no, no, we were just gonna take it.
SPEAKER_02I better have be reimbursed.
SPEAKER_08Oh, how much does a fucking pen cost?
SPEAKER_02It has a lot of emotional value since it's a family early.
SPEAKER_08Uh no.
SPEAKER_02I would call the police.
SPEAKER_08Do it.
SPEAKER_02How do I call the police?
SPEAKER_08How do you call the police? Well, you just shout, police police.
SPEAKER_07They are the police.
SPEAKER_02I think they're a bunch of bastards. Their leader must be more generous. Probably reimburses me.
SPEAKER_08The leader just looks at you and goes, shakes his head.
SPEAKER_04We're all gonna die. Don't worry, Castro, they're a bunch of bastards.
SPEAKER_02How do you know their mother so well?
SPEAKER_08We are the police, mate, yeah. You guys sucker. The main guy is sort of like we have a situation that we can do with some help. And you you four seem capable enough.
SPEAKER_07So is this the big bad boss?
SPEAKER_08Yeah, the Goliath fan.
SPEAKER_07Where's um where's Krill?
SPEAKER_08Ah, well that's the that's the job we need you for, actually. He's locked himself in his room. The only reason we're here is because we're we've been employed by uh Our benefactor to come here to collect a debt from Mr Krill which he is refusing to pay.
SPEAKER_07How much?
SPEAKER_08We weren't told how much, we were just told to collect a debt.
SPEAKER_07No, how much to get him out of his room.
SPEAKER_08Oh, how much to get him out of his room? I mean w we'll cut you in at the end when we get paid.
SPEAKER_07We take preemptive.
SPEAKER_08Well, I mean, there's 30 of us, and there's four of you.
SPEAKER_07And yet 30 of you can't get him out of his room. And yet four of us can.
SPEAKER_08Well, we we were told to not use force, but that's us. You lot don't have to listen to that.
SPEAKER_04I'm good at using force.
SPEAKER_02Wow, very high IQ. Whatever that is.
SPEAKER_03Zakata Pampas does enjoy semantics.
SPEAKER_07Well what what kind of um what kind of payment are we talking about? Are we talking like like rough estimate? Because otherwise I don't know what resources we could use.
SPEAKER_08Out of out of our payment at the end. Yeah. 25%.
SPEAKER_0730. 30, yeah, we won't kill him.
SPEAKER_02I I have an idea. So like we do have like an an an a guy who does the numbers for us, and he would probably be able to come up with a fair price as we usually do gigs every now and we you know, it's a gig economy. Um and he usually calculates how much we should charge for our services, so we would probably need to talk to him about it. Oh, you're a band. I said a gig can economy.
SPEAKER_08So you play gigs?
SPEAKER_04Well, this one does, and I'm gonna point to Neil.
SPEAKER_07Sing us a song, mate! That's gonna cost. You have to you have to pay for my services.
SPEAKER_02Exactly. So we need to talk to our economic guy. I don't know how that's called.
SPEAKER_07Who? Um who airgun.
SPEAKER_02Budgetitian.
SPEAKER_07Huh? Who?
SPEAKER_01Airgun is our budgetitian. He magics the numbers and knows how much we should charge.
SPEAKER_07Oh, I very much. I think he'll just I think we'll ask him and he goes, Well, I don't know. Just preemptively thinking. Look, you said 30, 27. I mean, I'm happy to go speak to Airgun if you want to.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, could could we speak to our budgetitician about what's he look like?
SPEAKER_04A little shit.
SPEAKER_00Is this racial profiling?
SPEAKER_08Looks like a little shit. He's a goblin. Goblin. Goblin. There's a lot of goblins. Oh, no, no. Charlie, what does he look like? I'll just tell him you give him an accurate description of it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And that description explains that he looks like a little shit.
SPEAKER_08Yes. And then he sends two people out of the house to go collect an air gun. And I guess you just sort of stand around awkwardly for five to ten minutes.
SPEAKER_07I think Casper was trying to get us out of the building. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. Yeah. He sends two people out so he can keep an eye on it.
SPEAKER_07I need the toilet. Where can I do such a thing?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I gotta pee myself.
SPEAKER_08The toilet. It happens to be in the same room that he's in.
SPEAKER_04Can I just we in the in the corner then? Yeah. Just go right here in the room with a bunch of sites anyway.
SPEAKER_07I'll like can I like unzip my trousers and like start peeing next to a guard that's like stood on guard. And then kind of just go, chew, and sneeze, and then like pee on him a little bit. Yeah, and I'll go, fuck man. Oh sorry, sorry. It takes me ages to pee at this age. When it comes, it comes fast.
SPEAKER_08Fuck it. You're not you your your piss privilege has been revoked.
SPEAKER_07That's right. I'm done now anyway.
SPEAKER_02That that sound made me wanna go pee, also.
SPEAKER_08No.
SPEAKER_04No more piss privileges for any of you. Well, you're lucky there before it's my turn. Fuck it now.
SPEAKER_03Zacatavumpus is just going to start pissing.
SPEAKER_00Casper can't hold it. He wants being held at gunpoint. He almost beat himself then. He really has to go.
SPEAKER_04Okay. How hydrated is the catavumpus right now?
SPEAKER_03Um, well, considering all of the sustenance he gets is from these rather dry berries that he carries around. Uh this is this is not a I I would say it smells like uh somebody's piss after they've drank nothing but beer for a week.
SPEAKER_08His his white fur slowly turns yellow.
SPEAKER_03This might be the one time that Zacadavumpus isn't looking at anybody. He's just staring directly in front of himself as soon as he heard piss privileges revoked. The stream commenced.
SPEAKER_07Can I ask who their employer is? Sure. Who is your employer?
SPEAKER_08Well, I mean, I don't see any to divulge that information.
SPEAKER_07I'm just curious.
SPEAKER_08She goes by amethyst.
SPEAKER_07Isn't um she part of some uh what is it, Shadow Maggots, isn't it, or something?
SPEAKER_08I fucking know, mate.
SPEAKER_07No, just checking. Uh sounds about choice. Um, where's Augun? I'm bored.
SPEAKER_08After ten minutes goes by, the A gun gets dragged. What the fuck, motherfuck? He gets thrown into the room.
SPEAKER_02Sorry.
SPEAKER_08Lands in Zicandavumpers' piss.
SPEAKER_04Do you see what I mean now, gentlemen?
SPEAKER_02What the fuck's going on, man? Uh we needed a budgetan to calculate how much we A budgetan, you that's your job, isn't it? To know the numbers and medic them so. What is your job?
SPEAKER_01To find the gigs? You don't know how much you should charge for those gigs?
SPEAKER_07Oh no, that's me. Was I not meant to say that? Oh, I I think I got a bit confused.
SPEAKER_01Sorry, sorry, I just I thought yeah, I haven't seen you budgetitian before.
SPEAKER_07Anyway, yeah, I mean Egon, we have a job for you. We need you to break someone out of a room.
SPEAKER_08What why?
SPEAKER_07Because other goods can't be bothered.
SPEAKER_08You can't be bothered to break someone out of a room.
SPEAKER_07It's been a long day. I've I've drunk uh a few beers at the tavern and um uh I just yeah. So Gragon.
SPEAKER_04What I'm gonna explain to Egon exactly what's happening, the scenario and all that, brief him on what we have to do and the 27% of the profits he's been offered, including.
SPEAKER_0827%? That's more than I get.
SPEAKER_07I heard 30. And I'll look at the guard. 30, wasn't it? No. Oh that's deal over. We'll leave. All of us. I don't think that's an option.
SPEAKER_08The guards sort of close in.
SPEAKER_02What about 27 and a half percent?
SPEAKER_08It's too much mass, mate. I'll do the mass.
SPEAKER_02Then we should just round it up to 28. That's how hops work, right?
SPEAKER_08He reaches to his back and pulls out a rifle and starts like loading it.
SPEAKER_07Look, let me just say, let me see. We can do the job for you, no problem. At 25%. But it's gonna take at least a week.
SPEAKER_08That's alright, we've been here three.
SPEAKER_07However, okay, fine, fine. It's just if you gave us 28, we could get it done in a day. But how do you value your time? You know, time is money here.
SPEAKER_08I like living in this big house, so it's alright.
SPEAKER_07She might not be very happy if if she has to wait another week. She might decrease the the margin overall.
SPEAKER_08Oh fuck. Alright, 28%.
SPEAKER_07Deal, let's do it.
SPEAKER_08Alright, fine, one day.
SPEAKER_07Alright, which room is it?
SPEAKER_08Uh, follow me. He he takes you upstairs and he takes you to a room, you can assume it's like the master bedroom. You can hear a slight woman crying and then a baby crying. Right shit, I'm out. Fuck you all. And uh and a man sort of like calms them down and they sort of just eventually stop crying.
SPEAKER_07I'm gonna say, is there a window in that room?
SPEAKER_08Yeah. Yeah, there is, yeah.
SPEAKER_07Okay. Well, I think the first plan will be to blow the door open. So if you could all just step out of the room for a moment, we're gonna have to set up some some dynamite. And I'll pull out the bomb just like in his face. There we go. Oh, well uh you two stay with him. Well, no, no, we can't have anyone in here. We're not having you pin another murder on us when they get blown to smithereens.
SPEAKER_08Well, we're not leaving you alone, because last time we did that you broke into a prison.
SPEAKER_02Why would we do that anymore?
SPEAKER_07We can't exactly go anywhere, can't we?
SPEAKER_08We might break out. Where? The window I just told you about.
SPEAKER_07In the room, you're gonna hear the explosion first.
SPEAKER_02Why don't you have people outside?
SPEAKER_08You could move quickly. I don't know your relative speeds.
SPEAKER_07Oh no, leave the two guards with us, it's fine.
SPEAKER_04Oh yes, you do.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. He sort of backs away and uh just just round the corner, and then these two guards like, I don't want to be fucking exploded.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, it's gonna hurt just if you haven't been exploded before. But if you could just stand right at the back of the room, um, I'm sure you might be okay. Actually get those wardrobes over there and pull them in front of you and hide behind them.
SPEAKER_03Um I'd like to hand them um a pair of uh earplugs each.
SPEAKER_07Yes, yes. Yes, they they take. Where did you get those from? Like, what the fuck are they handy? You never know when you're gonna need something like that. True. I'm gonna speak to these guys now and and just go, what w what do you guys want to do here? It's obvious that they're gonna break in, steal this man and his family, and probably kill them, and it might affect this region. Or do we what do you guys want to do?
SPEAKER_02Can we talk to them?
SPEAKER_07Or inside.
SPEAKER_02I mean, I guess.
SPEAKER_07Go for it. My voice doesn't sound very friendly.
SPEAKER_02Oh, okay. Casper approaches the door and knocks.
SPEAKER_08Hello you hear you hear some rustling and like someone falling over, and he's like Hello Hello, um, so not paying anything. Leave.
SPEAKER_02Wait, no, no, I I just wanna know what the heck is going on here. We're outsiders, we don't know what's going on.
SPEAKER_08Okay. How can I trust that?
SPEAKER_02You can look at me. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Okay, okay, hold on, hold on. What the fuck's my detail? Okay. Uh roll of the persuasion check.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Oh fuck. Um can I can I say that my cat was in the way because she was a nine.
SPEAKER_08So he cracks you you hear it the the key turn. And he cracks the door open. Looks at you. He's like, Oh. Um and as soon as as soon as the guards see that he's cracked the door open, they start advancing, and he's like, Guys, you ruined it.
SPEAKER_07I want to pull out the bomb at that point and pretend like I'm I'm I'm uh hooking up a fuse to it. So hopefully they'll stay away. Like they'll they'll just see me like hook up a fuse, go, stand back, stand back.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, guys, you just ruined it. You just ruined everything. Just get out of here.
SPEAKER_08He m they they move forward, uh, see that the the bomb lights up. And then lights up, I didn't light it. Oh, you didn't light it. Pretending. Pretending to light it, okay. Uh they see you fiddling with a bomb, and then they back up back up again. And uh, but the guy slams the door because he sees you playing with a bomb.
SPEAKER_07Oh no. What the fuck?
SPEAKER_08Tell him to put the bomb away, and we'll let you four in.
SPEAKER_07Okay, it's is a way. I'll put it away quickly, and we'll rush in if he opens the door.
SPEAKER_02Oh uh okay. We're ready, quickly. Are all gonna rush in?
SPEAKER_08He opens the door. Go, go, go!
SPEAKER_04My my my cloven feet, my hooved feet clattering. Very loudly across this yeah.
SPEAKER_08Clack clung, cla clung, clack clong, cla clung. Okay. Uh yeah, you all you all get in the room. He closes the door, locks it again, and then the guards are outside just like explosion.
SPEAKER_07So, what do we see?
SPEAKER_08You just see a very large uh bedroom. It's got a fireplace, there's a four-posted bed, and there's a picture of a man and a fat uh family above the fireplace and all that sort of jazz. It's sort of like a lounge and a bedroom. Where is your piss corner? Oh, we have a box in the corner.
SPEAKER_04Now that's what I call class.
SPEAKER_08We haven't been out of here in since they turned up, so it's a while.
SPEAKER_07Can you fit us in on um some of the history why why they want your money?
SPEAKER_08Money? They only want my money now?
SPEAKER_07Uh well, I don't know. That's what they told us, but no.
SPEAKER_08No, they want my child.
SPEAKER_07Hmm. Thought so.
SPEAKER_08Well at least they've been hired to collect my child.
SPEAKER_02All this fuss for a child?
SPEAKER_07How big's the child?
SPEAKER_08It's a baby. Newborn.
SPEAKER_02Man, I wish that were me.
SPEAKER_03Zagalavus is going to look at the child and then slowly draw an eye line from the child to the window and then back again. Just judging the distance.
SPEAKER_07While he's doing that, I'm looking at the child and then looking at Casper and going, Casper, can't you fly? Or Clyde? I mean, I won't ever wanted to be a stork. Delivering babies.
SPEAKER_02Well, I'm very, very happy as the kind of kind of guy I am now, but you know, going in other people's shoes and all that, yeah.
SPEAKER_04Why exactly do they want the child?
SPEAKER_08As soon as you mention the possibility of gliding, uh, he sort of takes out a knife.
SPEAKER_07Hey, hey, hey, yay.
SPEAKER_08And look, gets in front of them.
SPEAKER_07They're gonna get in here. There's no way all of us are gonna be able to leave this room without jumping out of a window, for goodness sake. The best bet is to save the child, correct?
SPEAKER_02Are we what is like I'm just confused why they would want this child in the first place. What's so special?
SPEAKER_04That's exactly my conundrum. Okay.
SPEAKER_08Well. You see. When I was when I was uh uh uh young in the military, uh I didn't like my job, pretty much. Uh I I I was involved in a battle, I got injured, I was gonna die, you know, all that stuff. Uh but then uh uh I woke up to surrounded by five women I think. And one of them offered me a deal with they they offered me a position where I wouldn't have to take part in battles anymore. I would be I would get this title the next time I met someone of high standing. And in exchange I would have to give them my firstborn child. At the time, I didn't I didn't want children, so I was like, sure. I I was on I was on the floor, surrounded by candles and stuff, and well uh there was a there was a there was a blue one, there was a green one, there was a red one, a black one, and a purple one.
SPEAKER_07Well Where where are we talking? Where were you at this point, like geographically?
SPEAKER_08Uh in their house uh I don't know where that is.
SPEAKER_07North, south, east, different continent.
SPEAKER_08Uh they sort of made me not remember.
SPEAKER_07Got it.
SPEAKER_08So obviously I grew up. Turns out I I I met uh a woman who I did want to have children with, and now I don't want to give the child up, so uh but I did some research, and I think she is a how do I put this hag.
SPEAKER_07Hag. Got it.
SPEAKER_08And if if you don't meet their demands, well they will just make your life living hell. Or you can kill them.
SPEAKER_07Oh yeah, well, that's not a problem.
SPEAKER_03So God could kill this child in a second, this would be not the child, no no no no no.
SPEAKER_08The hag, the the lady who gave me this deal. Um but you see, the sh the child's about uh four weeks old. And very easy. These lots came in three weeks ago. Well, we had a series of disappearances in town, as well. I don't know if it's connected to the hag, but it happened right after the child was born, so because she came. At least uh she looked a lot younger then, but she came to my house, asked for the child, and I said, uh, nah, fuck off. And then people started disappearing.
SPEAKER_02Wait So you'd be interested in having a pet instead of a kid?
SPEAKER_08No.
SPEAKER_02Well, is there more?
SPEAKER_08Thank you everyone for listening to this episode of Gust of Wonderlust. And how about that cliffhanger, huh?
unknownHey, you yeah? You better not make us wait this long for the next one.
SPEAKER_08Sure, buddy. If you want to follow us on social media, you can do so at Gust of Wonder on all social media platforms, and all of our individual social medias are in the description of every single episode. So go follow them.
SPEAKER_02If you hadn't already, what the fuck are you doing here?
SPEAKER_08You you heard him. And of course, if you liked this return of Gust of Wanderlust, be sure to like it, favorite it, share it, rage it five stars, do all the good things to it. Because you should want to do that. Isn't that right, Casper?
unknownYeah. Yeah, because what what the heck are you doing otherwise?
SPEAKER_02When listening to this, if you don't like it, that's a pretty weird man. You're like, what well episodes it.
SPEAKER_08And we will see you next time.
unknownSee you later.