Episode 13: Interview with Sister BK Shivani: On dealing with difficult people, practicing forgiveness & detachment

Lessons from Sister BK Shivani 

Ever feel like someone else’s negativity is weighing you down? Here’s how to break free! 

Sister BK Shivani teaches that our reactions define our emotional state. When faced with difficult people, remember - their behavior doesn’t dictate your feelings.  

Practice detachment. It’s not about ignoring them, but about choosing how you respond. Your thoughts shape your reality.  

Start small—everyday interactions matter. Bless those who challenge you; it elevates your energy and mindset.  

Forgiveness isn’t for them ,it’s for your peace. Write down your feelings, let go of the hurt. You’re creating better emotional health for yourself!  

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About Sister BK Shivani

BK Sister Shivani has been a practitioner and a teacher of Rajyoga Meditation that is at the heart of the teachings of Brahma Kumaris World Spiritual Organization, since 1996.

First telecast in 2007, her widely popular television show aimed at self-transformation, Awakening With Brahma Kumaris. For over a decade, the show has empowered individuals from all walks of life. Viewers have overcome mental stress, depression, addictions, low self-esteem and unhappy relationships, by taking personal responsibility for their emotions.

Since 2017 she has been appointed as a Goodwill Ambassador by the World Psychiatric Association. In March 2019, BK Shivani was awarded the prestigious Nari Shakti Puraskaar, the highest civilian honor for women in India, for her role in transforming human behaviours. 

Connect with Sister BK Shivani

https://www.brahmakumaris.com/bkshivani/

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Transcript

00:00 hello and welcome back to on the journey with sjk i take inspiration from spiritual guides 00:19 thought leaders manifestation experts and life coaches from all over the world 00:25 but one leading figure who has played a fundamental role in shaping my thinking and changing my life 00:31 is sister bk shivani people listen to fast music when on a treadmill i would listen to sister 00:38 shivani for my daily dose of energy and it's an absolute dream come true for me to have her here 00:44 as a guest on my podcast today sister shivani is a spiritual guide and an inspirational speaker 00:52 who has inspired millions across the globe she represents the brahma kumari's world spiritual 00:58 organization and is a practitioner of the raj yoga meditation her teachings emphasize mindfulness 01:05 self-transformation spiritual empowerment through taking responsibility for one's inner state 01:11 in 2019 she won the nari shakti award which is india's highest civilian award for women 01:18 she's a beacon of hope and guidance for people worldwide sister shivani welcome to my show 01:26 i'm sneha kirloskar and it's an absolute honor and privilege for me to have you here thank you so 01:33 much lovely connecting to you sister i'm going to dive straight into our questions you know often 01:39 we're in situations where somebody in our immediate environment it could be a boss or a family member 01:46 is being difficult and unkind and we do have to have some kind of regular interaction with this 01:53 person and i heard in one of your videos how practicing detachment is important and how we 01:59 should not let someone else's karma impact our behavior but how do we practically do this when we 02:05 have to interact with this person on a regular basis and can you explain this concept of detachment 02:11 detachment a little bit and along with karma to be able to understand the word detachment in its 02:16 right perspective because detachment doesn't mean moving away detachment doesn't mean disconnecting 02:23 but detachment means just to remember that my mind is not dependent on their behavior 02:29 so people's behavior is like a stimulus it's a situation it comes into my life how i respond to 02:37 the situation is completely my way of thinking they can be wrong they can be loud they can be rude 02:45 they can cheat that's all their power they can do that but how i think about what they do is my 02:52 choice now if i don't use that choice to be able to think right about what they are doing or how they 02:59 are behaving then my emotions are only dependent on their behavior so like you said if somebody is 03:05 tough or is not very perfect in their behavior i allow myself to be a victim to their behavior and 03:12 say it's because they are that way and that's why i am low i am upset i'm hurt i'm insulted and this is 03:20 detachment detachment means your thoughts your emotions your words your behavior are not dependent 03:28 but attached to their behavior and once we start practicing this start practicing it in those 03:34 very very tiny insignificant situations during the day and you will say yes my personality is not 03:40 dependent on the stimulus and then you will be able to do it in the tougher scenes of life and then you 03:45 will be able to do it with tougher people and then you will also be able to do it in the most difficult 03:50 situations of your life because whatever may be the situation your thoughts are still your choice 03:57 so start practicing deviating blessings to people who are not being right to you it's like taking care 04:05 of people who are unwell we take care of people who are physically unwell we're living in a world where 04:12 everyone's not their best emotional health so let's start being a caregiver and caregiver means just be 04:19 nice to people who are not very right to you send blessings to people who are being rude to you 04:25 and first thing it will do is it'll take care of yourself because you're creating a higher 04:30 vibrational energy that high vibrational energy will radiate to that other soul and gently and 04:35 gradually it will start healing them 04:38 but how do you sort of practically forgive someone who has hurt you a lot is it through blessing them and 04:46 how do we practically do this because when you're still holding on to some hurt some resentment 04:52 how do we kind of let go of that permanently first and foremost to understand that they didn't hurt me 04:58 they did wrong so that's their part of the story that they did wrong and that too wrong according to 05:04 what i believe is right right so when someone is doing something even if the whole world believes 05:10 that they are wrong that person while doing what they're doing is firmly in that thing that they are 05:16 right in what they're doing so but they are wrong according to me so that is their part of their 05:21 personality how i responded in my mind even if not in my behavior but how i responded in my mind and 05:28 emotions about them was my part of the story so they did wrong i created the hurt so that's the first 05:35 line which disassociates me from their behavior it's not they hurt me they did wrong so let's get the 05:42 story right they did wrong but they didn't hurt me they did wrong and that's where their story ended 05:48 i created the hurt by what thoughts i was thinking about what they did to me so that's my part of the 05:54 story so it's not about forgiving them it's about forgiving myself for the hurt that i have created 06:01 so let's take a paper and pen and start writing past is past it's over i release i let go i forgive 06:12 i forget just three four simple thoughts without even believing it without even feeling it let's just 06:21 start writing it even if you're not able to think it we can start writing it because my past story was 06:28 they hurt me they wronged me i can never forgive them i can never forget what they did so this was 06:35 my thinking pattern so i all that i have to do is just gently change my internal thought conversation 06:42 that goes on from i cannot forgive them i cannot forget what they did to i forgive i release i let go 06:50 they're just two different set of thoughts so it's about teaching my mind to start creating another set 06:58 of thoughts the only question that the mind is going to say is why should i forgive them well the answer 07:04 is i am not forgiving them it's about forgiving myself because they have done their karma and their 07:11 karma will have a consequence even if the whole world forgives them we cannot we cannot save anybody 07:17 from the consequence of their karma but when i say i forgive i am releasing that pain and that hurt that i 07:25 have created that resentment that i'm holding so i'm only creating a right karma towards myself it's for me 07:34 and when i release that pain and i radiate my blessings and forgiveness this healing energy 07:41 will give strength to the other person to face the consequences of their karma even if that consequence 07:48 of the karma is just being bitter just being very egoistic because of what they did but then we are 07:53 giving them power but we are initially don't even think of giving them something but first do it only for 07:59 yourself because if i hold on to resentment and hurt it's no more just emotional pain if i hold on to it for 08:08 very long it might shift to a depressive state of mind shift to anxiety or anxiousness and if i hold on to it 08:16 even longer it might then become the cause of a disease in my body because resentment hurt held on for like 08:24 couple of years will start creating emotional pain will start creating physical symptoms it could start 08:30 creating pain in my body it could start creating tumor a blockage it's all coming from a blockage in 08:37 the mind so don't think you're doing it for them because that's when it's tough that oh i want to forgive 08:43 them it's not for them it's for the health of your body it's for the health of your mind and also your own 08:49 energy fields if let's say for example if i'm carrying resentment about you okay so you're one 08:55 person in my life and i'm carrying resentment about you but that resentment is a part of my energy field 09:01 it's part of my aura it's like part of my emotional health then i go home i meet my family i meet friends 09:08 but i'm meeting them with that energy field in which i'm holding resentment about you so i'm not 09:15 radiating my best energy even to other relationships just because i'm holding resentment for one person 09:21 so clean yourself clean your energy field because that's what's going to radiate into all your 09:26 relationships that's what's going to radiate and create the health of your body that's what's going 09:31 to create and see who you are as a person so just because someone else was not right don't be unfair 09:38 to yourself start loving yourself forgive them just because you love yourself and actually that's such an 09:44 amazing way to look at it forgiveness is something that we do for ourselves not the other person 09:49 you know i really like what you spoke about having positive thoughts and i think there's so much said 09:55 about thinking positive but you know when the crucial moment comes i think we all slip into that 10:01 repetitive pattern of negative thinking so what is the one tool or technique that you recommend 10:06 so that we can always be positive thinkers you know minimize the negative thoughts and maximize the 10:11 positive thinking what is a tool or technique that we can use in today's age to start practicing 10:17 consciously creating right thinking right so most important is what's the quality of the content that 10:25 i'm consuming content is like emotional diet so as will be the quality of my emotional diet 10:32 so will be the quality of my thoughts and emotions i create if i consume a lot of negative content 10:39 so now negative content can be movies which are showing me toxic relationships are showing me 10:46 resentment are showing me betrayal are showing me cheating and i'm consuming them in the name of 10:52 entertainment once i've consumed a movie once i've consumed a series once i've consumed short videos 10:58 which are showing me betrayal showing me cheating showing me resentment and i'm listening to those words 11:04 again and again that is becoming my thought process now i have to do nothing to think like that when a 11:11 situation comes in my life so first and foremost integrate into your life some element of positive 11:18 content so that's where spirituality plays a very important role that you start consuming spiritual 11:24 content which is teaching forgiveness empathy acceptance you know blessings really so if i keep like you were 11:32 sharing right now in the beginning that you were listening to it every morning on your treadmill 11:36 now once you keep listening to it you know you don't have to do anything you're just consuming the content 11:41 but even without you doing anything that content starts becoming a part of your thought process 11:47 the jengi begins only because you're consuming content now in this case you were able to see the connection 11:53 that you were consuming that quality of content and you saw some change coming in yourself 11:58 but people are not being able to see the other side that all that we consume throughout the day 12:04 is actually changed us as a person we are very stressed we are more fearful we are more anxious we are more 12:10 worried as a generation we've become like that because of the quality of content we are consuming 12:17 and most affected is the younger generation is the kids of today because they are consuming it right 12:23 from the womb of the mother so it's really time to wake up to change the quality of content we are 12:29 consuming it won't be very difficult to change our thoughts after that yeah and sister do you think 12:36 that when a negative thought comes like what would you do do you substitute it with a positive thought 12:41 or do you try to shut that thought out of your mind what do you practically do when you're in the midst 12:46 of that painful situation 12:48 you should consciously take a moment 12:52 sit back and consciously write the right thought for that thought that i'm creating 12:58 it's like okay let's go back to when we were a child or when you were parenting your child 13:03 so you were teaching your child a b c d this is a chair this is a table this is a door this is a window 13:09 you were teaching a child how did you teach that child how to speak how to read how to write 13:15 that's how i have to start teaching myself how to think so you taught your child this is a table 13:21 i'm sure the child didn't say the word table right the right one first thing you kept on saying say 13:26 table say table say table and now the child can write a complete book so same way i might not be 13:33 able to create that highest vibrational powerful positive thought the first time i just sit with 13:39 a paper and pencil and i write i write that i want to send blessings to this person my mind 13:45 will say no way i don't feel like sending blessings to this person i said okay let's start writing 13:50 you know even if i don't feel it so it's just like we were parenting our child we have to start 13:57 parenting our mind that is the child within spend a few minutes in meditation first thing in the 14:03 morning just seeing your mind what's deep in thinking what's the quality of emotions and thoughts 14:08 i create then few minutes of consuming the right content spiritual content another brahma kumaris we 14:15 have a very beautiful practice a one minute pause every every hour that means after every 59 minutes we 14:21 pause for one minute yeah consciously again create a right thought i'm a powerful being and peaceful i 14:29 think right in every situation i will pause and i will do this every hour so when we keep doing that 14:35 then it's conscious attention then even while i'm creating a wrong thought i'm very aware that this 14:42 thought is not right so i will take a pause and work on it and then change it so like we focus on 14:49 everything that we do spirituality teaches us to focus on who we are within the mind so that's where 14:55 our attention is while we're doing everything that we are doing so it's becoming more aware of what 15:01 we're thinking and like you said you know we teach a child we train a child so we have to train our 15:06 mind to start thinking more positive thoughts yes just like that and you know sister sometimes even 15:12 when we're saying affirmations there could be times that we don't believe them so i'm saying oh i'm a 15:18 powerful being but say subconsciously i don't believe it should i still continue saying this if you 15:23 already believe it you don't need to do the affirmations then it's already a part of your 15:27 personality affirmations are to change my thinking so if i feel i can't do this and i start creating a 15:34 thought i'm a powerful being i can do this this is simple for me it's easy it comes natural to me 15:41 so i'm changing that pattern see thoughts are like patterns once i start creating a thought repeatedly 15:48 every day it becomes my inner vocabulary it's something that comes natural to me now i want to change 15:54 that thinking so that's why we are creating an affirmation so affirmation means creating a thought 16:00 which my mind is not thinking naturally so i have to teach that mind to create a different quality 16:05 thought so obviously i will not leave it initially because if i believed it it would have been my 16:10 natural so i create it i keep repeating it every hour every morning every night i keep repeating it 16:18 and gently when you start repeating a different quality thought your lower quality thought will 16:24 change so that's when the affirmation becomes a part of your personality it becomes your reality 16:30 and today a medical science has started accepting that and they call it neuroplasticity 16:36 they say that the patterns of the brain start changing if you repeat a thought petition can change the 16:44 structure of the brain why because repetition is changing the way i think and in the way i think 16:49 changes and obviously there will be a change in the brain structure so that's what they call 16:53 neuroplasticity so just repeat without feeling don't worry about believing worry about feeling 16:59 just keep thinking and even if you're not able to think just write just speak 10 days 15 days 17:06 one month two months your thoughts have to change it will automatically happen so repetition is king 17:13 and you're saying that the feelings and the emotions with that will start coming as long as we repeat 17:18 that thought duty anything why don't you just try just saying i can't do this or be you'll say it 17:25 five days you'll say it 10 days you'll say it 11th day you'll believe that 17:29 same way i can do it 17:32 and i know that you're you know you're a very big practitioner of the raj yoga meditation 17:39 how does meditation really help us in our daily lives 17:43 meditation brings about a change of the consciousness level like we're trying to change our thinking 17:53 meditation that's still on our you know the top layer the basic layer but meditation will change 17:59 even deep rooted personality traits deep rooted sun scars it's like in a very crude manner if you're 18:07 sitting on your bed the bed sheet is the mind you know the top layer but if you if there is some 18:14 stain which is deep inside the mattress so that is the subconscious mind that is that consciousness 18:20 go up to those deep rooted personality traits which probably even i was not aware that i'm carrying 18:26 those personality traits they are so deep they could be childhood they could be from the womb 18:32 they can also be from past lives so in meditation you're able to change even those deep rooted layers 18:38 but for a beginner if they practice meditation on a daily basis we are spending time with the self 18:44 first thing in the morning if possible and also very important to meditate for a few minutes just 18:49 before going to sleep you have started taking up taking care of that part of your personality for 18:55 which you we would say i don't have time my team is for everybody else i don't have time for myself 19:01 and when it came to myself it was only about the body you know we were exercising eating well so 19:06 we're taking care of the body so meditation means you started taking care of yourself so being in 19:12 silence start practicing soul consciousness so when we say i am a powerful soul i am starting to shift 19:20 from ego consciousness of the body the role the position and to going back to that deep reality 19:29 that this is mine but i am just a pure powerful soul and then during day what happens is i'm able to 19:37 connect to other people on the soul conscious level which means they and i are equal rather than feeling 19:43 superior or inferior to anyone only based on their role position or achievements so meditation rajay of 19:50 meditation is shifting us from ego consciousness body consciousness to soul consciousness that's the 19:56 first step and second step is to connect to the supreme power you call god divine power supreme power 20:03 the ocean of power the ocean of peace i the being connecting to the supreme power it's like 20:10 connecting a battery to the powerhouse and the battery starts charging 20:14 so because at the end of day i'm just a soul on this journey right and 20:19 my job i just need to keep my karma positive while i'm on this planet absolutely i am going to be on this 20:25 planet but i will keep changing costumes and the one thing that will always remain with me will be my 20:31 karma so karma means my thoughts feelings intentions words behavior every energy that i create is my 20:40 karma so and today we're living in an era of uncertainty so if we go back let's say 50 years 20:46 back where more or less most people would lead their body at the age of 80 90 100 so people would prepare 20:54 themselves to die prepare in the sense okay let me forgive let me release any baggage that i've been 20:59 carrying because now it's time for me to leave this body so that's a practice people knew that they had 21:05 to clean themselves before they leave and they release that baggage but in a world today where i don't know 21:11 whether i'm going to see the world tomorrow morning i may leave tonight so when am i going to clean this 21:16 baggage when i'm going to release what i'm carrying so i need to do it every day so we has another 21:22 beautiful practice every night before going to sleep go to sleep as if okay you might leave tonight 21:29 what would you want to do before leaving so forgive before going to sleep seek forgiveness before you're 21:36 going to sleep anyone who was not perfect to you today during the day forgive them before you go to 21:42 sleep send them blessings before you go to sleep if you've created guilt or self-criticism forgive 21:48 yourself before going to sleep send blessings to people send gratitude so this is that five minutes 21:54 meditation at least before going to sleep where you're doing a karma checking of the entire day 21:59 and karma correction also so that means forgive seek forgiveness give gratitude if your mind is worried 22:06 about something that's going on give it a positive affirmation everything's going to be perfect we look 22:11 at it tomorrow morning so very silent mind then goes to sleep and if you go to sleep in a silent mind 22:19 then there is deep healing and energizing that can happen in sleep we are not silencing our mind before 22:26 we go to bed in fact we're increasing the noise by sitting with screens just before going to sleep i'm 22:32 watching crime shows chatting just before going to sleep we are stimulating the mind before going to sleep 22:38 we're supposed to silence the mind before we go to sleep then the mind and the body will heal and be 22:45 energized so when we say lifestyle diseases the way we go to sleep how we prepare ourselves to go to sleep 22:52 what time we go to sleep and how deep we sleep is also one of the reasons why we are not physically 23:00 healthy today leave alone emotionally and mentally healthy but even physical health that is so true i mean 23:06 the kind of content that we are consuming now like you said right before sleeping it's it's actually 23:11 dangerous even if you cut see that content is not healthy for me is one thing but the timing which 23:17 i'm consuming if i consume okay let's say 30 years back when we didn't have phones and tvs we went to 23:24 theaters to watch a movie and sometimes if we went and watched a crime show or a thriller late night you 23:30 know 9 to 12 is what time it used to be in that era and we would come back and next morning we would say 23:36 i didn't have good sleep last night i'm not going to watch such a movie late night because we could 23:40 see the difference in the quality of our sleep on normal days and the day we watched a you know 23:46 crime show late night but now it's almost every day so they can't even make out the difference in 23:51 the quality of their sleep because they're watching it every day so i think everyone needs to experiment 23:56 for at least 15 days to change the quality of content you consume throughout the day to take care just 24:04 before going to sleep you should have a sleep hygiene it's not just go and fall off to sleep 24:08 and that took it sitting the phone watching tv and even watching the world news before going to sleep 24:14 it can get very toxic for the human mind to watch those emotions those visuals the crying the death 24:21 you can't consume this and then go to sleep because when you go to sleep everything that you consume 24:28 before you go to sleep now goes deep into the subconscious consumer during the day 24:33 it's at the conscious level that is a very very big reason why anxiety anxiousness and panic 24:39 attacks have increased because we're consuming this content before we go to bed 24:43 wow i think that's that's a new term that we've learned sleep hygiene 24:48 and to build this into our routine so that when we sleep we're actually going to sleep in a very calm 24:55 peaceful manner and not consuming this sort of content so sister shivani thank you so much for your time 25:03 this has been an absolute dream come true for me from listening to all your videos on youtube to 25:09 actually having you on my show this was a most wonderful experience and for all our listeners we've had 25:16 such great takeaways uh we've learned about the power of persistent positive thinking forgiveness 25:23 for ourselves the power of meditation and repeated affirmations and the right content consumption 25:30 especially before we sleep 25:31 uh so sister shivani thank you so so much for your time and this this really means the world to me 25:38 thank you so much lovely connecting to you looking forward to meet you when you're in india next 25:42 yes sister definitely thank you so much thank you 25:45 om shanti 25:46 om shanti