Episode 14: Unhurt Yourself

How to Unhurt Yourself and Take Back Your Power

In this episode of On The Journey with SJK, I explore one of the most common emotions that connects us all: hurt. Through deep conversations with people from all walks of life, I've noticed that nearly everyone carries some form of hurt, whether from friends, family, colleagues, or even strangers. The big question is, can you truly unhurt yourself? I share a powerful mindset shift that changed everything for me: getting hurt is a decision. When someone says something mean or hurtful, those words belong to them, not you. You don't have to absorb their negativity or let it become part of your identity. I also introduce the grocery shopping basket game, a fun and practical way to reflect off negativity and protect your inner energy.

I also dive into the practice of detachment, inspired by a conversation with close friends in New Delhi. A friend shared a powerful insight: "everybody doesn't have to see your truth." We often get hurt because we're attached to how others perceive us, but the reality is that people view us through their own lens, shaped by their memories, experiences, and consciousness. Trying to prove yourself to someone who doesn't want to see the good in you will only send you on a downward spiral. I encourage you to build confidence from within, without relying on external validation. Finally, I explore the power of compassion, because hurt people hurt people. Choosing to respond with love and understanding, rather than bitterness, is always the better path. Let's get on and unhurt ourselves.

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Key Highlights

🛒 The Grocery Shopping Basket Game: A fun analogy for dealing with negativity. When someone drops hurtful words on you, think of them as random items in your basket that you didn't ask for and don't need to pay for.

💪 Getting Hurt Is a Decision: A radical mindset shift that puts the power back in your hands. What people say belongs to them, not you.

🛡️ Build Your Protective Shield: Imagine a shield around yourself that reflects off negativity, protecting your inner energy and space.

🔓 The Power of Detachment: Practicing detachment from people's opinions frees you from the cycle of seeking external validation.

🌍 Everyone Doesn't Have to See Your Truth: A powerful lesson shared by a friend in New Delhi. You don't have to prove who you are to anyone.

💛 Compassion Over Contempt: Hurt people hurt people. Choosing compassion for those who hurt you is the path to healing and growth.

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Resources & Next Steps

📖 Explore topics on mindfulness, self-acceptance, and personal growth on On The Journey with SJK

🎧 Subscribe to On The Journey with SJK on Apple Podcasts

Connect with SJK:

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthejourneywithsjk/

📧 Email: info@onthejourneywithsjk.com

Listen to Songs by SJK

🎵 "Universe Within" on Apple Music

🎵 "Universe Within" on Spotify

🎵 "Misaligning my Destiny" on Apple Music

🎵 "Misaligning my Destiny" on Spotify

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YouTube Chapter Timestamps

00:00 Welcome Back to On The Journey with SJK

00:42 Understanding Why Hurt Is Universal</

Transcript

[00:00] Hello and welcome back to On The Journey with SJK.
[00:14] We're back with more energy, more perspective and more insights.
[00:20] So I love having deep conversations with people, understanding what their experiences have
[00:26] been that have shaped who they are today and really understanding their struggles and what
[00:31] they've been through. I've spoken to people from my university at NYU, strangers I got
[00:37] talking to on long plane journeys, business associates and through my conversations with
[00:42] them the one emotion that I see most people carry whether they accept it or not is hurt.
[00:50] Most of us have been through experiences that have hurt us whether it's by friends,
[00:54] family, colleagues, some random shopkeeper who was rude but the big question is how do
[01:01] you deal with hurt and move on? Can you really move on and unhurt yourself? So let's dive straight in.
[01:10] So the first and the most important thing that I learned and this radically changed the way
[01:15] I look at things now is that getting hurt is a decision. We can decide whether we want to get
[01:22] hurt or not. People can say all kinds of things. They can be mean, they can be bitter, they can be
[01:30] passive-aggressive. That's their decision. Getting hurt is yours. What people say are just words.
[01:38] They're just a combination of words put together. What people say belongs to them. It does not
[01:45] belong to you. You don't have to make these words a part of your identity and being.
[01:51] If someone is going out of their way to say mean and hurtful things, don't absorb these words and
[01:57] don't take it personally. I repeat that don't take it personally because if you do you're
[02:03] going to completely lose who you are. If your emotions are going to be controlled by what
[02:08] other people say and what other people do, you've basically given them all your power. You've
[02:15] basically become a puppet. I don't think we should ever lose our nice compassionate side
[02:22] just because someone is being negative. I know this is much easier said than done because when
[02:28] there is someone in your immediate environment and this could be a family member, a colleague
[02:34] or someone you meet every day and they say rude and hurtful things to you on a regular basis,
[02:40] it's not easy and I do understand that you have to protect yourself because it can get to you.
[02:47] So I've come up with a game. This is a grocery shopping basket game.
[02:53] Imagine you're at a grocery store and you have your shopping list
[02:57] and someone keeps dropping random items in your shopping basket that you don't need.
[03:03] These items are not on your list. Are you going to go to the cashier and pay for them?
[03:09] No. So when people say rude and hurtful things to you, think of their negative words as random
[03:17] items that are being dropped into your grocery shopping basket. Are you going to hold on to
[03:23] these items? Are you going to hold on to these words and pay for them? You didn't even ask for
[03:28] them. So make this process of reflecting off negativity a fun game. I promise you it's going
[03:36] to make you stronger. Or keep it simple. When someone says something rude or hurtful,
[03:43] just imagine building a protective shield around yourself to protect your inner energy and space
[03:49] and let this shield reflect off any negativity. So don't be a sponge. Make that decision to not
[03:58] get hurt. Don't take anything personally. Reflect off the negativity that is thrown at you.
[04:05] And remember the grocery shopping basket game. What people say belongs to them, not you.
[04:14] Another thing that really helps with handling hurt is practicing detachment. Often we get hurt
[04:21] because we are very attached to what people say to us and what they say about us. And when they
[04:27] don't say the things that we want them to say or they don't perceive us the way we want them to,
[04:32] we get hurt. I was in New Delhi a couple of weeks back with some close friends and we were
[04:38] all talking about how in certain relationships we had put in a lot of effort but the other person
[04:44] just did not appreciate what we had done for them and how to some level that did hurt. And then one
[04:50] of my friends said something that really struck me. She said that everybody doesn't have to see
[04:56] your truth. And your truth means who you really are and your values and your principles. She said
[05:03] that you don't have to prove your truth to anybody. Everyone will not see
[05:12] you for who you really are. Everybody will not understand and appreciate your values.
[05:18] If someone does not want to see the good in you, they never will. And you're going to drive yourself
[05:23] crazy trying to show it to them. You're just going to go on a downward spiral. Remember that
[05:29] people see you from their own personal lens. They see you from their level of consciousness.
[05:36] They view you from their own internal thought process, their perspective, their memories,
[05:42] their life experiences. You cannot go into somebody's mind and change decades of that.
[05:47] You cannot change their internal lens. And honestly, it's not your job.
[05:53] People are free to feel whatever they want about us. We cannot control that. It's totally their
[05:58] call. So in a certain sense, it's best to be detached from what people say to you and what
[06:05] people say about you. Get detached from people's opinion of you. It's important to have complete
[06:13] confidence in yourself without the need for somebody else validating it. And remember,
[06:18] everyone does not have to see your truth and you don't have to explain your truth to anybody.
[06:26] Another thing that I've learned is to have more compassion, even for someone saying
[06:32] hurtful things. I don't know if you've heard that phrase, hurt people, hurt people.
[06:41] People will spread whatever is inside them. Someone who is hurt goes forward and hurts other
[06:48] people. There are parts of people which have not healed, which are sad and unhappy. And that's
[06:55] what they put out there. Because I believe that if a person is truly happy and in a good space,
[07:03] they will never bring someone else down or never say hurtful things. I've met so many people who
[07:09] are abundant and successful and have it all. And not just in terms of money, but people who are
[07:15] truly thriving in their relationships, in their friendships, career, their health, and they have
[07:21] a common trait. These people are positive and encouraging. They've been through ups and downs
[07:27] themselves. And they've used all their low moments to become more compassionate and kind and
[07:33] understanding. So if someone is spreading negativity, as hard as it is, send them some
[07:41] love and hope that they become happy. Try to feel that compassion for someone who is hurting you.
[07:47] Because I'm pretty sure that deep down inside, there are parts of them which have not healed
[07:52] and emotions that they have not been able to process.
[07:56] In life, when something negative happens to you, you can either end up becoming bitter or better.
[08:03] You can either be filled with contempt or compassion. So pick the better option.
[08:09] Don't let anyone's negativity come in the way of your peace and healing journey.
[08:16] So to sum it up, let's get on and unhurt ourselves.
[08:20] Let's not take anything personally. Let's detach ourselves from people's opinion.
[08:25] Let's practice as much compassion as we can. And remember the grocery shopping basket experience.
[08:33] Don't pay for what's not yours. If somebody throws an unwanted item or some kind of negative
[08:39] comment onto you, don't pay for it. So that's it from me today. I hope you don't let
[08:48] anyone's words bring you down. I hope you feel the joy today and every day and become
[08:54] absolutely unstoppable. I'll be back soon. Signing off, SJK.