Episode: 15 - Embracing Sex Positivity: A Journey to Confidence and Connection

In this candid episode of 'Not Safe for Brunch,' hosts Coralie, Amber, and Vicki dive deep into the topic of sex positivity and its transformative impact on confidence, relationships, and self-worth. Alongside discussions about overcoming societal shame and the misconceptions taught in traditional sex education, they explore how embracing sex positivity can lead to a more fulfilling and authentic sexual life. The episode also addresses the challenges of sexual compatibility, the influence of pop culture on our views about sex, and the significance of maintaining sexual health and confidence at every age. Join us at our unapologetic brunch table for a real, unfiltered conversation about sex, intimacy, and everything in between.

Resources Mentioned: 

https://www.actioncanadashr.org/

https://www.islandsexualhealth.org/

https://www.centreforsexuality.ca/learning-centre/sexuality-aging/

Canadian Sexual Assault Crisis Lines and Support Services:

1-888-293-2080 (24/7 support)

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Transcript

Coralie: [00:00:00] We just wanna give a little content warning. This episode does have a brief discussion around sexual trauma. If you would like resources to help you with that, we will have them in the show notes for you. If you choose to not listen to this episode, we completely understand. 

 Why is talking about sex still taboo when we all do it, think about it, and enjoy it? Today, we're going to break down what it means to be sex positive, why it matters, and how embracing sex positivity can transform your confidence, relationships, and self worth.   

Welcome to Not Safe for Brunch. In this podcast, we're here to bring sex insight and real world education to the table unapologetically. Think about it as having those important, unfiltered brunch conversations with your closest friends about sex relationships and everything in between. With over [00:01:00] 55 years of experience combined in the intimacy industry, helping individuals and couples focus on breaking down barriers.

Reducing shame and empowering people to embrace their desires and relationships with confidence. Hi, I'm Cor Lee. I live in the Vancouver area. I'm a married mama, two half empty nesting, one in one out, and my secret power is I love a good rabbit hole. I love digging deep and finding the truth or the root cause of a situation.

Amber: And I'm Amber. I live in Ontario. I'm married. I'm a mom and a gma. And an unapologetic quality of mine is I weed through the fluff, and I get to the point. 

Vicki: I love it. I am Vicki. I'm in Manitoba. I'm divorced, and I'm reentering the relationship space. I'm a mom to two grownups and my magic is making meaningful connections and relationship, which of course creates trust.

All right. All right. All right. Welcome back to the podcast where we get real about the stuff we were [00:02:00] maybe too embarrassed to talk about in health class.

And I'm still recovering from the misinformation that we got in those educational films, you know, the ones with the awkward hand drawn diagrams. Yeah, those ones.

Amber: And I'm here to remind everyone that sexual health and happiness are totally normal. And we're all still figuring this stuff out. So let's be real. We've all been there, right? That awkward moment when you realize the facts. You were told, just don't add up to real life. We've all heard the whispers, the judgment, and maybe even felt that pang of shame about our desires and experiences.

Let's face it, growing up, sex ed was lacking.

Vicki: No kidding.  

Coralie: is sex positivity really? I mean, let's define it. What does it mean for us?

Vicki: I mean, I think for me, you guys know I talk about consent all the time. Consent is something that I think is probably paramount. And of course, respect and removing the [00:03:00] shame of being sexual.

Amber: I think being more like sex positivity is more like Leave the lights on kind of thing. Like I just feel like shutting the lights off. You're just shaming it even more so like that's kind of my thought is like do it in the middle of the afternoon and just like Turn all the lights on it's fine

Vicki: Ah, Amber's just loud and proud. Just kidding. I love it. Let's just do it with the lights on. How about noon?

Amber: I'm all about afternoon sex I'm just like who has time in the morning for one and you're tired and groggy and at night you're done with the day I'm like screw that do it in the afternoon

Coralie: We're afternoon people too, like in the morning. I mean, I prefer to do it in the morning, but he wouldn't. He'd prefer to do it at night, but I wouldn't, so.

Amber: Yeah! Recess,

Coralie: as someone who used to be only in the dark, whatever, what changed my thinking about it was, I was like, he going to do?

[00:04:00] Divorce me? I mean, and if he's going to be naked at the lights on, I guess we're not meant to be anyways. And that was like 25 years ago.

Vicki: Oh my God, that's hilarious. Okay, so let's talk a little bit about sex positivity and how it differs from the way we were taught about sex growing up. For me, it was all, you know, especially in school, it was just, how not to get pregnant, which was abstinence. There was no sex positivity.

In fact, even when my daughter was growing up, and she took sex ed, I mean, she taught masturbation at recess, like it was ridiculous. She had good information, thankfully.

Amber: I love it. and it's funny because I grew up, I went to Catholic school, our sex ed was just don't get pregnant, don't get, uh, STDs, that kind of thing, right? 

Coralie: I had the benefit of taking sex ed twice because I did eighth grade here in Canada and ninth grade in the States. And, when I got to the States it was a lot more, fear tactics, you know.

Amber: Mm.

Coralie: here in Canada I didn't see the photographs [00:05:00] of what an STI looks like on a genital. But that was,

Amber: Oh! And they showed you that in the States?

Interesting.

Coralie: very fear based , didn't scare me.

Vicki: here they just showed us a video of some woman having a baby without drugs. And I was like, that sounds like a bad idea. I'm not going to do that.

Oh my gosh. All right, so let's talk a little bit about the role of shame in sexuality So how has shame shaped our relationships with our bodies and desires? Let's talk about that

Coralie: I could circle right back to how I used to always have the lights off. Growing up in shame about sex and shame about my body, especially, being someone who was a size 12 when I was in school, um, that there was so much shame attached to it. And I think when it comes to the shame and sex, I mean.

I'm glad there's us [00:06:00] and people like us that are doing the work, but I think it has been shamed for generations and centuries. It's kind of like having a baby, you know, nine months in nine months out, however long we've been dealing with it is how long it's going to take to fully correct it.

Vicki: Yeah, I have to agree. I think that an age factor here you get to your forties, you've had children, everyone's seen the business. , if you were in labor, you just, you know, come on in, one more intern, no big deal. Everybody's seen it. If you've ever had a female reproductive disorder or condition, you've had a million people up in your business.

Like we just get to this place where we're totally desensitized from, what our body looks like to the viewer, and I think that there's a little bit of that age that comes with that, that experience that comes with that, where we just kind of go, yeah, you know what, take it or leave it, man.

Amber: You're right, the age thing, if I went back 10 years, I would be like, it's totally different. I have a different mind frame. around it. But shame doesn't just come [00:07:00] from like just the way you're you were brought up or taught about sex, but it can also be like a survivor's kind of guilt around sex.

If you had any kind of childhood trauma, with like sexual assault or even as an adult, right? Like you can have a lot of shame around sex with some kind of trauma that you may have experienced.

Vicki: Right. That doesn't include or hinge on pleasurable intercourse or a positive experience

Amber: Yeah. Yeah.

Vicki: makes sense. Yeah.

Coralie: Yeah. It makes sense because, so many times when people are in that situation, whether you're male or female, there's a part of your brain that probably for at least a small time blames yourself for it. Even if you were a kid,

Amber: Mm hmm.

Coralie: therapy, everyone!

Vicki: on tap. Just like put it in my veins that therapy For real. I'll just [00:08:00] just mainline me. It'll be good. It's fine

Amber: Yeah, and if you're having any kind of, shame around it or any kind of little triggers or anything, I think it's really important that you share that with your partner too, like, if you had any kind of experience that's negative and they're doing something that kind of brings you back to that and it's like, uh, can we not do it this way?

And that comes back to Vicki's communication advocacy.

Vicki: the

Coralie: Yeah,

Vicki: decompress right? I mean

Amber: Yeah.

Vicki: if something does trigger you in the moment and your partner doesn't know about it or doesn't know to maneuver around some of that stuff for you. How, how, how, how, how, that's it,

Amber: Yeah, exactly.

Vicki: we want to give them the map and, we don't want to stay there.

So we owe them that and we owe ourselves that.

Coralie: Most importantly, ourselves, for sure. Yeah,

Amber: also think though that there's like a double standard when it comes to sexuality and being open and positive, when it comes to like women being shamed. Over men, right? Like, I [00:09:00] just think that there's an issue there where if I decided that I wanted to go and have sex with three different men in a given month, whatever, I'm having a good time because I'm single and I'm all for it.

But that, then I'm, I'm labeled

Vicki: Yeah.

Amber: woman, right?

Vicki: I don't know if I told you this, but I did an event recently with a young group of women. I would say they were in their mid to late thirties, and it was her 50 party. And I didn't understand until I got there that it was 50 sexual partners that she had had. And I was just like, girl, that is so progressive, right?

And I was like, yeah, it's totally like, so, um, however. We did have a conversation at that party, where we were talking about how if that was publicized outside of this group of incredibly loving and supportive friends, um, that she would have a name attached to that. But if she were, um, if she were male, that chances she's a dude, they're like, yeah, it.

I [00:10:00] love the sexual freedom of it.

Coralie: Yeah, I think also too, there's all these tropes that are said like if a woman has a lot of partners Then you know, she's gonna be looser, but we don't say if a man's had a lot of partners It's gonna like shave it off and Yeah,

Vicki: we're gonna start rumors about what happens to men when they have multiple

Coralie: yeah

Vicki: many, many partners.

Coralie: equality

Vicki: Yeah, totally. So anyway, I don't know if I ever told you that. I thought that was interesting. I was like, dang girls, that's great. Do that. Yeah.

Amber: is cool. I love it.

Coralie: I find anyways, that it is the people in my age range, even the women that are more judgy about it, you know, because it's been ingrained in them for so long.

So

Vicki: you know, it's even when it comes to relationship styles like, you know Sometimes I worry about you know, I've been married twice. So how will I be viewed right? so we're not necessarily talking about sexuality or partnerships, but [00:11:00] It's how you know being married twice There's a stick to that like is somebody gonna want to be with somebody who's been married twice and hasn't figured it out I don't know.

Some people think that maybe I figured it out and that's why I'm single right? So who knows agree.

Coralie: How can we unlearn these messages and embrace that positive mindset?

Amber: Uh, therapy? Ha ha ha! Right. Um, and I think even just, cause I mean, it's not affordable or accessible to everybody. Right. But just having those conversations, listening to podcasts like this that open up the conversation. and if you have some good friends, , I would bet that they would be open and willing to hear from you because guaranteed, they may be feeling the same way.

And it's going to open up a conversation between your girlfriends.

Vicki: And I do think that we have to let go of worrying about what other people think about us. and when it comes to how many partners we've had or how much experience we've had or blah, blah, blah, it doesn't, nobody [00:12:00] needs to know that anyway. Body count is not an actual thing. That is not something you are required to share. So when we're talking about our sexuality. Take care of yourself, right? It's just like taking care of our physical health and what we're eating and if we're exercising and what that looks like. And of that matters as does this. And it's nobody's business what you're logging as far as time or energy.

Yeah,

Coralie: thing I'm going to judge is like, did you use condoms?

Amber: Were you safe?

Coralie: Yeah. Yeah. And I think also too, sometimes we don't even realize that we have these judgmental thoughts or thinking judgmental things until the thought comes into our head or until it comes out of our mouth. And if you say it or you think it and you feel this kind of internal, like That's a sign that you're learning, and that you need to pay attention to it and maybe rephrase that.

Maybe not in that moment if you don't feel comfortable, but give you an opportunity to like [00:13:00] dig into that. If you say it or think it and then have that reaction internally, go there.

Vicki: I agree with you. Anytime something makes me gasp, woo, , me, I always look at that as a telltale sign that there's education to be had. So,

Coralie: Yeah.

Vicki: know, and I'm open to it. So, yeah, I think that's a really good piece of advice. All right, let's talk about sex positivity inside your relationship.

So how can sex positivity improve communication and intimacy in a long term relationship? Well, I'm gonna toss that ball over into your court. 

Coralie: Circle back to my lights on moment, doing that reduce the shame. It reduced the shame I had not necessarily around sex, but around my own body and what it looked like when I was having sex, and the more we reduce the shame It's just going to be a natural byproduct of being more positive in that relationship.

Vicki: I also think that, how your partner receives you in a relationship affects greatly how we feel about our [00:14:00] sexuality inside that relationship and even On our own by ourselves. That has to be a big piece that you look at, because if things are not positive together. going to mess with you.

Amber: I was scrolling through TikTok the other day and I wish I would have saved this TikTok, but it was a woman who was telling a story about how her daughter had contacted her and said like, mom, I'm really, really glad that you were the naked mom.

Coralie: Oh, I saw that one.

Amber: Did you? Okay.

And it was

so good. And I'm like, I think I'm going to have to ask Jona, but I'm like, I feel like I might've been the naked mom too. She's positive. Like she's got this awesome frame of mind.

But I often would walk around with just a bra and underwear. What I like, I'm just like, well, I love walking around the house. Like it didn't matter. And that's what this whole naked mom thing was. And the daughter was like, thank you so much because I'm more confident in my own skin because I just saw you walking around with all the bits.

Coralie: I was not a naked mom. I wish I was. I mean, I [00:15:00] wasn't like a cover myself up totally, but, I think when my kids were young, like really young, I was, but then as they got older, especially having a son, I didn't want any sort of. Discomfort there, anything like that at all? But I mean, I've already talked about my journey on my stuff with my own body.

I just, I did keep taking my clothes off the older I got.

Vicki: I just kept stripping layers off. I

Coralie: I'm in a bikini every single day, all summer long. So,

Vicki: love that. Yeah, I think that we didn't spend a lot of time worrying about whether or not there were clothing present. My kids always knocked on the door, but if they wandered in, they wandered in. I mean, it was just one of those things. So, yeah, we didn't put a lot of pressure around that.

And of course, as a kid's got older, it is what it is, but having a daughter is different than having a son and you do want to make sure that there are some lines that are respected there and, we want to build a men, so , we want to make sure that we're respecting boundaries, but [00:16:00] yeah, I, I agree.

 I didn't worry about anything. I didn't. And I found that TikTok to be very interesting.

So let's talk about what it means to be sexually compatible. Um, how do you navigate differences in desire or kinks? Maybe your wants and your needs look different from a sexual partner's. How do we manage that?

Coralie: I think being sexually compatible is a variety of things. You know, it's like, It's your libido levels. It's your preferences. It's your communication, Vicki. Um, you know, your emotional connection, physical chemistry. And I don't think that in order to be sexually compatible, you have to check off all those boxes. But you have to have a couple or at least be willing to work towards a couple, everyone can't fill everyone else's cup all the time, and I'm not, saying that you have to be non monogamous to do that. Like, in a monogamous relationship, I'm in a monogamous relationship, and I think that, as long as you are, like I said, you're checking off some of those boxes, and you're okay the other ones.

Like, we [00:17:00] might watch different styles of porn, whatever.

Vicki: For sure.

Amber: And I think too is just trying the things like be open to at least trying them once or twice. Right? If your partner's like, I'd really like to try this, be maybe open to it or come back with an alternative. Right? Okay. Well, I don't want to go that far, but I'd like to try this. are you okay with that?

And if it turns out that you're not good with it, , anal comes to mind. I'm like. , if your partner's like, I want anal and you're like, well, no, it's not my thing. Backdoor is out exit only. And you just x nay it all together, then they, they should at least respect those boundaries.

But if you try it and you don't like it, then they really need to respect those boundaries.

Coralie: Yeah, I think we need to do an episode on that, because I think of people think anal means like stick it in the hole, and no, it can be, stimulation outside it. if you've ever had that, you're never going to be okay with, I mean, not never, I don't believe in absolutes, [00:18:00] but in general, you're not going to

Amber: Stay tuned. Backdoor episodes coming your way.

Vicki: For sure, for sure. I always say, you know, it doesn't have to be back door. It could be back porch. Let's like nothing. What's wrong with a little porch sitting?

Amber: One of

you, you, you've never said that to us before. I've never heard it.

Coralie: Me neither. I like it. I think, yeah, at least be open to trying. I'm going to say almost everything because there's some hard boundaries that, and I think if you have a boundary, it's a red flag or at least a yellow one that needs some, therapy. If your partner's not.

Respecting it like if your partner like, well, I really want to have a threesome, and you know Generally in a heteronormative relationship when that happens, it's if the man's proposing it it's because he wants to be with two women and throw it back. Okay, like I mean if you are open to the idea Great, but if it's something you're kind of struggling with I would throw back Well, can we also do [00:19:00] one with two men see how that reaction is? and 

Amber: 100%. 

Coralie: And see and if you're like and if you just decide like yeah, I know that's not something I want to do And that's a hard boundary. That's okay. Like sexually compatible, there's a lot of respect there.

Amber: Yeah, absolutely.

Vicki: I agree. And I just think again, it boils down to the conversation. If there is a. Differential in the amount of sexual activity. If one person is because, once in a while isn't enough and they really need more and it's just a conversation, right? I mean, there, there are reasons why people open up marriages.

There are reasons why people create alternative scenarios. They can work, they cannot work, but it really, you have to be in a very emotionally mature relationship to be able to have that conversation. But what if it has to be had? I mean, are you willing to have the conversation and risk losing the relationship?

Are you willing [00:20:00] to take a chance? And maybe, you know, maybe then it, it increases, maybe it changes the partnership. Maybe it changed. I don't know. It's just, again, you're never going to know if you don't ask the things.

Coralie: I think it's important, too, to do research, because something that, I mean, it wasn't spoken about a lot when my kids were young, but as they got older, I learned about it, and that's like, if you are, say, for example, a stay at home mom, and you have a partner that works, and you have kids climbing over you all day, The last thing you want is to be touched, and if your partner, if every time they're touching you, you know it's because they want sex, that sort of stuff needs to be talked about, with your partner.

I mean, we could do an episode on, we could do an episode on a lot of things.

Vicki: It's in the bag. We're going to do

Amber: Right? If you're listening and there's something that you're hearing that you want to hear more of, let us know.

Vicki: Yes, tell us

Coralie: Yeah. If you're like, expand that thought, please. We will.

Vicki: Alright, let's talk about pop culture and sex [00:21:00] positivity. How do you think that pop culture like movies, TV, music influenced our views on sex? Do you think it's for the better, for worse?

Amber: think it's fantasy. Well,

Vicki: to tell your kids the difference between fantasy and reality when you caught someone watching porn? Like, come on! Like, right? And like, don't expect anyone to do that for you, honey. I love you, but they're

Coralie: It

Vicki: love you that much. Yeah,

Coralie: even need to be porn. Like I had to have that conversation over twilight.

Vicki: totally! I mean, that kinda was porn. I'm just kidding.

Amber: and I grew up on like soap operas. I mean, my mom would watch soap operas in the middle afternoon and there was so much sex in soap operas, but it just seemed like this electrifying, sexual tension. It just wasn't like

that, you know, it's just not, it's not reality.

Vicki: totally do our [00:22:00] young people a disservice by making them believe that there's this like magnetism that happens, that there's this is my person. And it's just, whoa, it happened. I think that there can be those feelings, I think that not necessarily going to turn into a healthy relationship.

It can! I'm not saying you can't, but I think that, we often believe that if we don't feel that instantaneous magnetism, that this isn't your person, but it can grow, it can build. And that's probably a lot healthier than just feeling like, Oh my God, I have to be in this person's present. We call it love bombing now for a reason, right?

Yeah.

Coralie: hmm.

Amber: I think we need more pop culture that shows us the awkwardness of how a sexual experience can be, right? Even 20, 30 years later, like, sometimes you just go, Whoa, what the hell was that?

Coralie: yeah.

Amber: can do better next time.

Vicki: Right. We just have confidence now to have that conversation to be like, I don't know what we're doing, [00:23:00] but let's

Amber: Right?

Vicki: Yeah.

Coralie: hmm. Also, too, I think, like in our generation anyways. going back to the slut shaming, like that happened a lot in movies and TV shows, you

Amber: Yeah.

Coralie: The loose girl or whatever it was and virginity was put on a pedestal. Look at Breakfast Club, at Sixteen Candles. Virgin was like, everyone just wanted The Virgin.

And even going into like when my daughter was coming of age, way that people talked about freaking Disney stars or even Mary Kate and Ashley, can't wait till they're adults. And It's just gross. It's, it's really gross. And, I'm really glad I love on social media seeing, even looking back into 2010 kind of movies and stuff, where the, even the early 2010s, how people are like, Hmm, maybe that was wrong.

Vicki: Yeah, even songs that we're listening to sometimes I'm listening back going what were we [00:24:00] really singing about there? What was

do you think that there are any shows or characters that get it right when it comes to portraying sex positivity now?

Amber: You know what? Degrassi was a good one. I think they really touched on a lot of taboo topics. But Sex Education, that was recently brought out, it's actually pretty good. And it has like some awkward moments in it. I don't know, I really, really liked it.

Coralie: I think Sex and the City, I mean looking at it now again from a, from a 2025 lens, there's a lot of problematic things in it, but what I loved about it it had characters that wanted to have sex, they were different. Types, Samantha was the one that people would generally look at as like, you know, trampy for using lack of a better term. Charlotte was like the virgin, but she still. She wanted it. She was out there getting it. Miranda was very smart. She was a lawyer. Wanted it, getting it. The only one who really wasn't, I mean, I know she [00:25:00] was, but they didn't focus on it as much was Carrie. She was just writing about all of her friends sex lives. I don't remember any big sex scenes with her in it, but that show came out 99, 2000. It was a game changer for the time.

Vicki: Yeah, it's funny too because I think about talking about this and you guys are talking about shows and, you know, I'm thinking about like Mona from Who's the Boss? I'm

Coralie: Oh,

Vicki: about

Coralie: yeah.

Vicki: heard

Coralie: I loved Mona.

Vicki: was

Coralie: She had goals. Lunch!

Vicki: you know the Golden Girls, right?

There was, you know, there's always the one friend.

Amber: Always the one friend.

Vicki: There's always one in the group. And it's interesting because while they may have, I don't want to say judged one another, but they're They definitely were, Oh, that's well, you know her, that's how she is. But there was like this feeling of sort of acceptance around it.

And I love looking back on some of that and thinking, yeah, that wasn't, that wasn't terrible.

Coralie: Yeah, even though those characters were a [00:26:00] lot of times the butt of the joke in the show, we loved them. 

Amber: Yeah.

Coralie: They were often the funniest characters in the show. And it definitely gave women permission to be more open about that side of them, , yeah. Game Changer, oh my god, I just totally forgot about Who's the Boss. Loved that show.

Vicki: She's on our watch list. Alright, so now we've just segued right into talking about sex positivity at every age, right?

Coralie: Yeah.

Vicki: how does it change as we get older? We've talked about that as, you know, you guys have talked about how you've changed inside your relationships, and for me, my relationships are changing, I'm almost a different person And I'm growing and getting better, every time and, at least for myself, I really like who I am. I really love the transformation that has occurred with my life and, I'm not mad about that stuff. and I think that certainly in the business of sexual health and wellness, as we've, been in for so many years now, that [00:27:00] permission to just be who you need to be, and to be able to, raise people in our families to embrace themselves and who they are and acceptance and love.

And I just think that we can only get.

Coralie: Yeah I, am really lucky my grandparents. They didn't raise me talking about sex. But as I became a teen and a young adult, my mom and all of her siblings I would just hear rumors and stories either through someone else or directly they told me catching them all the time.

Like they were rabbits, they were doing it all the time. And then as I got older and as I got into the industry that we're in, were huge supporters, and it was. Nice. They passed away both in the last decade, decade and a half in their late 70s and 80s. And they were basically doing it up until the very end.

And, I think we should all be like that. Especially too being a woman. And I don't know if this [00:28:00] is true being a man. But we all know what lack of movement the vulva, vagina, all that area, how it can affect us. So whether you have a partner or not, you should have a vibrator. Yeah,

Amber: Mm hmm.

Vicki: you need it or not.

Coralie: there was that TikTok that went viral, earlier, maybe New Year's Eve, something about, someone said that the labia falls off, the labia minora falls off, and yeah, my daughter sent it to me, and she was like, is this true? And I was like, um, no. You know what happens is if we aren't keeping things moisturized and sometimes it's moisture.

Sometimes you need hormone replacements But that skin can become really dry. So it shrinks, right? And so it's part of the it's the fun exercises Consider it your workout

Vicki: let's talk about the myth that sexuality sort of fades with age. [00:29:00] I think that, we are all of similar demographic, the three of us, but, debunked.

Coralie: Yeah, I think that when we were growing up and even in our young adulthood There was always this idea that once a woman is menopausal or goes through menopause that she just doesn't want to have sex anymore and Absolutely, not true., I'm not on the other side yet, but I've been doing a lot of research I mean, I can't wait to be on the other side But I've been doing a lot of research and listening to a lot of other people who have been on the other side who are On the other side.

One of them is right here Are through and They are still having great sex and a lot of them say they're having better sex. So we have to let go of that whole notion that once you go through menopause, it's over because it's just beginning. You don't have to worry

Amber: Right?

Coralie: bleeding.

Amber: There's no time in the month you gotta hop in the shower anymore. It's all good to go.

Coralie: Yeah.

Vicki: [00:30:00] ready. I will say, um, being the post menopausal of the crew, I also had a very difficult, reproductive. of, um, medical experience when I was younger. I had stage four endometriosis. My body was internally an absolute disaster. I had been violently ill since I was about 13 years old because of the adhesions and all of the things that come along with endo and any of my endo sisters out there know exactly what I'm talking about and I don't know if this will be true for everyone but for me As soon as I was sort of getting to that perimenopausal and then through to postmenopause a lot of that subsided for me.

I get the odd twin cheer in there, but during those years of being really, really sick, my libido was lower. Naturally, I was unwell, right? I was hurting, sex hurt. wasn't a lot of bridges for those kinds of gaps, it didn't really matter what [00:31:00] I did. So now I'm living this sort of pain free life and I'm just like, yeah.

Coralie: You got to catch up.

Vicki: Yeah, I got work

Amber: All the catch up.

Vicki: I got work to do. but again, you know, emotionally, you're more sexually charged when your body feels like it's working for you. So, I know that a lot of women go through menopause and then feel like they're not in that place. I think that I had A different experience because I was so sick prior.

So if you're looking for any support post menopausally, please don't be like, well, Vicki, blah, blah, blah. No, I may very well be the unicorn of menopause. I don't know. So, definitely do your research and get some help because like Coralie said, you may have to take some HRTs. There might be something that, that helps to sort of bring that back for you.

Coralie: I think also too that, and this is something from, I got from reading the menopause manifesto by Dr. Jen Gunter, who we've already talked about her a lot here. Love her. One of the things [00:32:00] she mentioned is that when people who know to expect in menopause and are educated about it have fewer symptoms. So it makes me wonder if you've been living your whole life with this voice in your head or from society saying you're going to hate sex after menopause. could have an effect on whether you do or not, right? So stay informed, edgy.

Vicki: idea of writing your own story.

Coralie: Yeah.

Amber: Everyone's experience is gonna be different. Like I have been down the perimenopause, train because I just keep watching all these videos and learning and learning and learning. 'cause I'm at that perimenopause stage and, I just find it so helpful to see all of that information and know that everybody's different because like, one person's feeling this and this person's feeling that and then the other person's like, nah, it's nothing.

Vicki: As, older adults, think that advocating for better sexual health care is really, really important. I think that, knowing that, people who may be caring for us, Obviously in much later [00:33:00] years, even then we are now recognizing that just because we're older doesn't mean that we're not sexual. years ago I worked in personal care and I'll tell you, there, there were a lot of gentlemen that I would wander down to the, the local pharmacy to get the condoms that they needed for when their wives came to visit,

Amber: Mm hmm. Mm

Vicki: Some people are younger in personal care, scenarios and they still have, lives and spouses and a life and a wantingness to be and feed that side of themselves.

So I just think it's so important that even in healthcare that our providers recognize that there is a role that can be played.

Coralie: Yeah. last May, I spoke at our local senior resource center. And when the lady booked me, and it's not a home, it's not a place where people live. It's where people, I think it's 50 and up can go and just They have access to different resources. They help people and they also have like games and community and all this stuff.

Really great little place locally. I'm going to be 50 in May, so, you know,

Amber: hmm.

Coralie: [00:34:00] going. But, she, the woman who works there asked me if I could Do a speak. They do a thing every week and they have a different guest who comes in and talks about different things and she asked if I would come in and speak to seniors about sexual health and I was like, absolutely. So it was about two months between the time she booked me in the time it happened. But a lot of times she said to me. don't know what kind of reaction we're going to get. I just really know this needs to be talked about. She was very sex positive. And she just said multiple times, like there might only be a couple of people in the room.

And I was like, I don't care if there's two people or I think the room filled 60 full 

Amber: Mm hmm. 

Coralie: a seat. That's how many people learn, what I had to say. And I think that It's good to create a space for that if there's an opportunity if you know the seniors resource center in your town and you are in sexual health and wellness and listening to this or you have someone who uses [00:35:00] those facilities, you know, put the bug in their ear to go do that because yeah, I was shocked standing room only and she was shocked too and every I got a standing ovation.

It was amazing.

Vicki: Love that. 

Coralie: Alright, at the end of the day, sex positivity is about embracing who you are, what you want, and what makes you feel good without judgment or shame.

Vicki: And remember it's okay to take your time on learning decades of societal conditioning. It's not easy, but it is worth it.

Amber: So whether you're exploring new aspects of your sexuality, or just starting to have these conversations, we're here for it. Let's keep breaking taboos .

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Remember, [00:36:00] brunch isn't just about the mimosas, it's about the authentic connection and keeping it unapologetically real. Until next time, let's keep the brunch vibes alive and the conversation