Episode 16: Building Anticipation for Unforgettable Intimacy

Foreplay isn't just for the bedroom—it's an all-day event! In this episode of Not Safe for Brunch, hosts Coralie, Amber, and Vicki explore how small, intentional actions throughout the day can build anticipation, strengthen connection, and lead to even better intimacy at night. From leaving spicy notes to sending suggestive texts, learn the best ways to keep the heat alive all day long. 

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Transcript

Amber: [00:00:00] Foreplay isn't just something that happens minutes before sex. It starts from the moment you wake up. In this episode we're exploring how small intentional actions throughout the day can build anticipation, strengthen connection, and lead to even better intimacy at night. From leaving spicy notes to sending suggestive texts, we'll cover the best ways to keep the heat alive.

All day long.     

Coralie: Welcome to Not Safe for Brunch. In this podcast, we're here to bring sex insight and real world education to the table unapologetically. Think about it as having those important, unfiltered brunch conversations with your closest friends about sex relationships and everything in between. With over 55 years of experience combined in the intimacy industry, helping individuals and couples focus on breaking down barriers.

Reducing shame and [00:01:00] empowering people to embrace their desires and relationships with confidence. Hi, I'm Coralie. I live in the Vancouver area. I'm a married mama, two half empty nesting, one in one out, and my secret power is I love a good rabbit hole. I love digging deep and finding the truth or the root cause of a situation.

Amber: And I'm Amber. I live in Ontario. I'm married. I'm a mom and a gma. And an unapologetic quality of mine is I weed through the fluff, and I get to the point. 

Vicki: I love it. I am Vicki. I'm in Manitoba. I'm divorced, and I'm reentering the relationship space. I'm a mom to two grownups and my magic is making meaningful connections and relationship, which of course creates trust.

Amber: Okay, let's be real. When was the last time one of you had a moment where foreplay started way earlier than expected? Do you have any fun stories? [00:02:00] Hehehehehehe.

Coralie: start in the morning via texting, like if my husband's working, you know, it'll be via text and just goes back and forth. or there's been times where we're about to go out and have a fun night and one of us will just whisper something very suggestive as we get started.

Vicki: Yeah, you know, honestly, obviously I'm in a new relationship, so it's constant foreplay for me, we talked about this on another episode about getting, the good morning text. And, feeling, seen first thing, kind of being first on someone's mind. Um, and most recently I had an experience where his phone died and he could not get it to start and he went to work that morning and I didn't get a text.

And for a very brief moment, I was like, I don't, did I, uh, are we okay? Like, it was the strangest feeling for me because I was like, Oh, that's really interesting. [00:03:00] And then sometimes we're just super silly and he'll just, send me a picture of like the gas nozzle in the tank. And I'll be like, you're flirting with me, aren't you?

Amber: Oh my gosh, I love it. So when there's buildup like that all day, it just makes everything feel more intense later, right? Like it's like turning on the heat slowly instead of just flipping the switch.

Coralie: And I think that's such a good conversation because so many couples fall into that routine where foreplay is just five minutes before sex, which we all know isn't enough, but it can be so much more.

Vicki: Exactly. And that's what we're going to dive into today. how to make foreplay a part of your entire day instead of just a lead up to the main event.

Amber: Yeah, so we've actually kind of broken this up into like four different sections, and the first section is setting the tone in the morning, Because foreplay isn't just physical, it's mental, it's emotional, it's sensual. [00:04:00] So how are we setting that tone every single morning, or at least the mornings where we know later on it's going to have some fun?

Coralie: Well, I think that because the brain is your biggest sex organ, that this is what needs to be stimulated first. So for me, it is knowing that you are front of mind, if you live with one another, which I do not, that creates an entire different, experience. But I'll tell you one day when I was in a rush to get out the door and I got coffee while I was doing my hair, that felt like foreplay. 

When my husband, when he is doing something, it can be hard work around the house, like the chores whether it's something that is traditionally, something like doing the dishes or, on the roof, it happened, we were in Mexico last year when he was fishing.

Coralie: I mean, when he's sweaty and he turns that baseball cap backwards. Ugh, take me now. take me right now.

Amber: and a study in the Journal of Sex [00:05:00] Research found that women who engage in at least 15 minutes of foreplay are 50 percent more likely to orgasm.

Vicki: That's

Amber: So just the 15 minutes. Think about how more likely you are to orgasm if you're going to add that foreplay. All day long from the morning because the goal is to make your partner feel wanted or you feel wanted, reciprocal, desired, and excited before they even touch you or you touch them.

Coralie: I was looking at that study that night. We all know how much I love a good science statistic. Well, I was like, oh, that's foreplay. Are you guys trying to turn me on?

Vicki: Oh my god, that's so funny. I mean, but again, we're talking about that mental stimulation, right? Like we see a bigger picture. It feels good, right? So yeah, so just keep telling me about your investments and tell me about your RRSP and how you're going to retire one day. I love that. All day long.

Coralie: All right, let's talk about foreplay and setting the tone early in the morning. I mean, if you [00:06:00] wake up together and if you're still at home together in the morning, there's always those little things like taking the time to have a little cuddle, have a little spoon, waking someone up with like gentle kisses, or for me, it's like my collarbone, my neck. 

Yeah. Mm-hmm

Vicki: you know what? . I need to work on this. I'll tell you right now. When my eyes open, I literally, my feet hit the floor. I'm making coffee. I just, got to work on this. This is on my to do list. Just wait.

I'm going to write this down.

Amber: But words are powerful too, like complimenting your partner or being complimented like, Ooh, you look so good this morning. Even little dirty whispers like Coralie had mentioned before you're walking out the door. You know, you can't do anything in that moment, but it's starting something that in the morning, that's for sure.

Vicki: this one is something, again, I really feel like I need to work on foreplay. Apparently I am just the student today. Uh, but you know what, sending a [00:07:00] flirty or suggestive voice memo, it's always nice to hear. A voice, right? It just makes it a little bit more personal. Saying things like, I can't wait to see you later, or even, I can't wait to get my hands on you, like whatever that looks like.

 I just think that you want to leave it lingering. That's kind of the point,

Amber: Yeah. If you know that they're generally going to listen to it loud and in public, you might want to add like a, listen to this by yourself or whatever, right?

Coralie: I'm gonna say the same thing, like if you've never done it before, you need to include like a warning, because what if they have their phone hooked up to Bluetooth for a meeting? Maybe there's slideshows on it. Maybe Bob from accounting is sitting beside them.

Amber: Right? Well, my husband's a mechanic. What if he's testing someone's Bluetooth stuff and all of a sudden he's in the shop and all the guys are hearing it,

Coralie: you have company

Amber: right? He's with a customer in their car, fixing their Bluetooth and testing it out. He has called me before, so it could totally happen. It'd be like, yeah, just testing a customer's car out. Okay, good. It works. Like.[00:08:00] 

Vicki: I would have never even thought about that. 

So funny. So how can we make our mornings a little more sensual? I like the coffee with a twist because I've already declared that my feet hit the floor and I'm getting the Joe. All right. Bring your partner a cup of coffee, give them a little extra kiss. Just make things linger.

Just, just enjoy the moment. And coffee is love. I don't care what anybody says.

Amber: Yep. Or you could shower together. If you shower in the mornings. You can just hop in together, a little fun, in the shower, soaping them up, get dressed a little slower, make it linger, that kind of thing. That could be a little added sensual touch to your morning.

Coralie: I was thinking when I was writing the notes for this and like, I, I don't think we'd stop if we were in the shower together.

Amber: We're having a quickie and then we're starting again later.

Vicki: Coralie, we got to work on your self control.

Amber: Yeah, come on. Alright, so we've gone through the [00:09:00] morning, how do we get to that mid day teasing, keeping the spark alive while you're apart because you're at work in different locations. The art of the unexpected text can be really good and, I love the gas pump one. Like, come on.

Coralie: Yeah.

Vicki: Yeah, I thought that was pretty funny. It's those steamy little reminders that sort of, make you realize that you're still on their mind or, and it's still light and it's funny and it's kind of cute. I just love the innuendo. Innuendo for me is everything.

 just say something that really shouldn't sound dirty. But I know where I'm going with it.

Coralie: Another thing you could do too, with the texting, especially if it's like new territory that you're jumping into and you're not really sure how your partner is going to react is, I mean, we've all seen those spicy memes, right? Like I have done a thing with my clients a lot where I'll share a text with them that they can send their partner.

And it's just some funny meme that basically says, yeah, I want to get laid and shoot that off. It'll make them giggle [00:10:00] and get them understanding where you're going.

Vicki: Yeah, a nice reminder of what they may find when they get home. 

Amber: and you can go as far as telling them, I want to do this to you. Okay. Bye. When you get home, right? Just leave the innuendos at the door. You're just throwing it right out there. I am a to the point person.

Vicki: there's going to be no mincing words with Amber. Paul knows exactly what's happening.

Amber: Yeah, exactly.

Vicki: No guessing.

Coralie: I also like to, when you can ask them questions by text that will get them thinking outside the box. One of my favorites is if you were in the a hundred acre woods, would you be Winnie the Pooh or the jar of honey? And if they. Or like, what do you, what do you mean? You're like,

Vicki: Wait, I think we need to curate a list! Hahaha! Hahaha! I love

Coralie: want to be the jar of honey. Like, I want to be the jar of honey.

Vicki: Absolutely. 

Hehe. Everybody wants to be [00:11:00] the honey core. Hahahahaha!

Coralie: another point on that too, when like sending them the text, I'm thinking about what I'm going to do to you tonight. A lot of times in a relationship, one person's more of the pursuer than the other, and it's fun to flip the script, and make them guess.

So if you're someone who would normally send a text, like, I'm going to let you do this to me tonight, reverse it, tell them what you're going to do to them. That's going to up it a lot.

Vicki: Agreed. Agreed. , it's almost like role playing. Wait, what?

Amber: Right? Yeah.

Vicki: I'm going to be the other one.

Okay, so how about some surprise sensory reminders? I love it when he leaves something behind that smells like him.

Amber: Mmm.

Vicki: Yeah, that works for me.

Amber: I'm all about the little love notes. Like leave me a love note somewhere. I work from home, so it could be as easy as putting it on the bathroom mirror. Or if you have a partner that's out of the house, put it in their lunchbox. Just a little love note, whether that's, you know, what [00:12:00] I'm going to do to you later, what's waiting for you later, or just a soft, nice, touching love note.

Coralie: Chad's probably gonna kill me for saying this on the podcast, but I'm gonna do it anyways. He will write me a poem. And I got one for Valentine's Day. And they're not sex poems. They are very sweet and caring. And it always just, I just love it. Cause I know that it took a lot of effort to do that. And he just did it because he was trying to find a way to say what he wanted to say a little more eloquently than he normally would.

And it just means so much, so much.

Amber: Aw. I

Vicki: That's really sweet. Chad. Nice. Yeah, I love that. I agree with Amber too. The little notes are really nice. It's just a reminder, that you're being thought of. and it's nice to go back to that. Right? I have a note inside my closet on the wall that I have no idea when it got tucked there. and I found it.

 I don't know how [00:13:00] long it had been there, but I found it. And I was like, Oh, that's nice. It just feels nice. Right.

Amber: Yeah, for sure.

Coralie: If you have a partner that works, out of the house, or if you work out of the house, mean, depends on your work environment. This might not work if you work out of the house. But, we talk about, putting a love note in the lunchbox. What if you put a Bluetooth remote toy in there? Like, give them the remote, and you have the toy, or install the app on their phone and then send them a text and be like, check that app out.

Amber: Wow, you just took that to a whole new level.

Vicki: I mean, there is the commute.

Coralie: you're not

Amber: Mm hmm.

Coralie: a plastic seat,

Amber: Does that count as distracted driving, or?

Vicki: Yes, I'm pretty sure. I'm sorry, officer. I have a vibrator in my underwear.

Amber: mean, if you're on a bus or a train or, you know, that's fine.

Vicki: Yeah. Maybe don't do it on public transportation, dude.

Amber: Why not? It's fine.

Vicki: [00:14:00] Yeah,

Coralie: you know, if it's like, cushy, fine, but don't sit on a hard

Amber: Those buses and stuff are so loud, it's fine.

Vicki: until you're sharing the seat with somebody.

Amber: go, you just, boom boom, two things

Coralie: You're all of a sudden in a threesome 

Vicki: Wow. Moving right along. Let's talk about building the anticipation because sometimes it's the wanting that feels pretty exciting. Right? So if you can send a little naughty. Selfie if you do those kinds of things. It doesn't have to be explicit. It can just be a little teasing glimpse Something something fun.

Coralie: Yeah. If you wanted to have a little more nudity in it, I mean, full caveat, I fully trust my husband. He would never disrespect me by sharing anything, but I don't trust technology,

Vicki: No,

Coralie: know, so if I'm sending him a text [00:15:00] and it's got a body part in it, my face is not in it. He, he knows it is.

Yeah.

Vicki: That's great. 

Coralie: Okay, so you've had your morning foreplay, you've had your afternoon foreplay. Let's talk about when your partner gets home, where you both arrive home together at the same time. What is that going to look like? Because you do want to keep it going. I mean, sometimes you might have to be like, bedroom now, but.

Amber: It's been so steamy all day. You're not getting to dinner.

Coralie: I mean, depends how old your kids are if you have kids, . But yeah, Let's imagine you're not just running into the bedroom. Okay. So you know when you have dinner. First of all, I think cooking together is really sexy. Like I love when we plan, we'll actually find recipes on TikTok and.

Be like, let's cook. He'll find them. I find them. It's very much a mutual thing. I think that can be really sexy. but then when you're sitting down eating, play a little footsies under the table, grab the salt and just, Oh, like you, [00:16:00] you just X with your chest, like whatever, start feeding them, give them a bite.

Don't make airplane sounds.

Vicki: know what I think Leave those out. I think that, um, for me, I love candlelight and I don't care if we're eating a casserole or a beautiful chef inspired dinner, I love candlelight. And I just think that, it just brings it in, it makes it feel closer, it's very warm. I really love, love doing that.

Coralie: I think also, too, if you're home first or you're at home all day and your partner comes home, I mean, again, base this on the kids. If you have kids, but why don't you meet them at the door in your lingerie, or your lingerie with a little robe on top. If you do have kids, , just be like, oh, mommy's just feeling under the weather.

Put a robe on. They don't know.

Amber: Go to the door, sneak peek, you know. Make sure it's not, it's just [00:17:00] them at the door, they didn't bring someone home with them.

Coralie: yeah, look through the peephole. Check the ring, cam. sure it's them. Make sure

Amber: even if you do have kids at home. obviously depending on the age, right? There are so many things you could say that you could get right by your kids that goes over their head. You could just make getting dinner ready and, getting through your busy, chaotic evening, you could make it so sexy that by the time the kids are going to bed, Man, you're ready to go.

Vicki: know what I think is also important is that our kids see us in loving relationships. So I think it's okay if they see the tap on the butt or the whisper in the ear or the kiss on the neck. I think that stuff really provides them with a healthy idea of what relationships can look like. , yeah, while some of it, obviously we're not going to be getting raunchy in front of our families, but I do think 

that there's a lot of foreplay style things that can kind of happen that we've already spoken [00:18:00] about. that can happen adjacent to the kids, which kind of makes it exciting. It's like, yeah, can we just get these guys to bed? Like, like, tap, tap. What's going on? What time is it?

Coralie: Yeah. And all three of us have kids that are into their adulthood now. And I'm sure you've heard a similar thing. Like I've heard from my kids where they've said like, yeah, we've always been able to tell that you guys really love each other. And, you know, we know you do it.

Vicki: Yes. Yeah. And you know what else? They recognize the difference. So they know when there isn't a lot of touch or loving sort of feelings or sharing that's happening. They notice it when it's not happening and they notice it when it is. So it's an important piece.

Coralie: Absolutely. 

If you're out, if you guys are going out instead of having dinner at home, you can always whisper naughty promises in their ear, , and then go about your business. If you're out, you can hand them a remote.

Amber: Right?

Coralie: all about the remote. [00:19:00] Bluetooth remote. Keep it going.

Amber: But not only that, I mean, even if you're out with friends or family, oh man, there is just something about a text message between the two of you that nobody else knows is happening.

Coralie: Yeah. There's that TikTok trend too that I'm sure you guys have seen it where someone is at a family gathering and typically it's the man receiving a text from the wife. Like, I

Vicki: Yeah. Yeah. I've seen a few of them too, where the guys are like nodding to the door, like, let's, let's go. We need to get out of here.

Coralie: yeah, or even too when they're at weddings and the bridesmaid and it's, you know, the bride and groom and the bridesmaids go up all day throughout the ceremony and are giving him a different Polaroid. Like, that's foreplay and you really need it on your wedding day because a lot of couples do not end up having sex on their wedding day because they're tired.

Vicki: Absolutely.

Amber: exhausting.

Coralie: Yeah. Um, another thing too that I think can be really fun, and this is something that we have, is creating a sexy playlist. Ours is called Naked Sunday. And, create a playlist [00:20:00] that you know is songs that, when that playlist comes on, you know. You know. Sometimes that song might end up randomly in another playlist and perk up. If Naked Sunday is playing, then it's just that kind of trigger reminder. Like, this is happening and it's got, your slow songs, it's got the fast songs, whatever. And build on it. What song would you like to have sex to, honey? And you just start building that playlist, you know? Or you're having sex and a song comes on, you're like, we gotta put this on the playlist.

Vicki: I love that conversation of what song do you want on the sex playlist? That in itself is foreplay. You can be creating that list while one of you is driving. That is an entire activity. I love it.

Coralie: Totally. Bridgerton.

Amber: something seductive too. It could be porn, it can be Bridgerton, I'm telling you. But it can also be you and them watching you doing something [00:21:00] seductive, right? Where you're undressing slowly, maybe you're putting on lotion. You're licking your spoon a little more seductively than normal.

Vicki: Sometimes we do that without even recognizing it too, right? Where they're like, why are you doing that? Oh, that works. Does it? Oh.

Amber: Yeah.

Vicki: In the arsenal.

Coralie: If I'm eating something phallic shaped like a banana, I am making eye contact.

Vicki: You may be uncomfortable and I'm all right with it. 

Coralie: let's talk about directing the desire to, finalize and get to work. Give them a simple command, like get on the couch and don't move until I tell you to. You could even do a little sexy dance or something right in front of them.

Amber: Yeah. Add a little blindfold. Have a little fun.

Coralie: Be bossy.

Vicki: Be bossy. I love that. Make it a game, right? So I like to talk about commercial sex [00:22:00] and I think we've kind of talked about this before, but I mean, basically it's just edging. , you play while the commercials are on and you stop when they're not. And that can just be you cuddled up under a blanket watching TV at night.

So that can just be fun. Yeah.

Coralie: know, your commercial sex makes me just like, I don't want, like I still have one kid at home and I don't want him to move out anytime soon. I don't want to be ready. You bet. I can't wait. 

Amber: We are going back to commercials, honey.

Coralie: Yeah, I was talking to my daughter about it, I was like, well, yeah, once our son's gone, we can just do it wherever, and she was like, what if I just suddenly come home? I'm like, you better send a text first.

Amber: Or you might walk into something fun. Not fun for you, fun for us.

Coralie: your, your game,

Vicki: My adult daughter has a key and she knows to text before she arrives. I'm just saying, it's never no.

Coralie: yeah,

Amber: to come in.

Coralie: and I, and I think too not fun for them, but it's also not fun for us because nothing is a boner killer, man boner, lady boner, for lack of a better word, than interruption like that by your kids, a family member, [00:23:00] like anyone who is not in that space with you in any way, shape, or form that can just, so,

Amber: Right? Yep.

Vicki: Too funny. I also

Amber: you just ruined your whole day of foreplay.

Coralie: right.

Vicki: right? , that's like, work, work, work, work, buzzkiller. Not a good idea. Let's not do that. Totally. I also like the game of, if you want to add something into your relationship, maybe it's a spicy card game. Maybe it's something that buzzes, so you can have some fun with it and integrate some new things. 

 so foreplay isn't just about what happens right before sex. It's about how you engage with each other throughout the entire day. Whether it's a flirty text, a playful tease, or a lingering touch, these small actions create excitement, connection, and deeper intimacy. By building anticipation from the moment you wake up, you're setting the stage for more passion, better orgasms, and a stronger relationship.

Vicki: So what are you waiting for? Start [00:24:00] your day with a little heat and see where it takes you.

Amber: Thanks for pulling up a chair at our unapologetic brunch table today. If you enjoyed the conversation, don't forget to like, subscribe, and leave us a review. It's like tipping your server, but for podcasts. And hey, sign up for our weekly newsletter using the link in the show notes so you never miss the juiciest, most unfiltered chats we're serving up.

Remember, brunch isn't just about the mimosas, it's about the authentic connection and keeping it unapologetically real. Until next time, let's keep the brunch vibes alive and the conversation flowing.