Episode 17: Age Is Just a Number (in Bed Too): The Truth About Sex Over 50

Think sex ends after 50? Think again. In this eye-opening and laugh-filled episode, Coralie and Vicki are diving deep into a topic that’s long overdue for brunch table talk: sex after 50. From myth-busting and surprising STI stats to lube, toys, and communication tips — they’re breaking it all down with their signature blend of sass, science, and realness.

Whether you're embracing your golden years or supporting someone who is, this conversation is packed with education, empowerment, and a whole lot of fun.

And yes… seniors are still gettin’ it on — and they’ve got things to teach us all. 

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Transcript

Episode 17 - Sex 50+

Coralie: [00:00:00] Did you know that 54% of people between the ages of 75 and 85 are having sex two to three times a month or that? Hashtag hashtag goals or that STI rates among seniors are actually on the rise. Hashtag not goals. So listen up. Yes, sex After 50 is alive and well, but it comes with its own set of challenges and myths.

Today we're going to do some myth busting and share some tips to keep your sex life thriving no matter your age.   

Welcome to Not Safe for Brunch. In this podcast, we're here to bring sex insight and real world education to the table unapologetically. Think about it as having those important, unfiltered brunch conversations with your closest friends about sex relationships and everything in between. With over 55 years of experience combined in [00:01:00] the intimacy industry, helping individuals and couples focus on breaking down barriers.

Reducing shame and empowering people to embrace their desires and relationships with confidence. Hi, I'm Coralie. I live in the Vancouver area. I'm a married mama, two half empty nesting, one in one out, and my secret power is I love a good rabbit hole. I love digging deep and finding the truth or the root cause of a situation.

 I am Vicki. I'm in Manitoba. I'm divorced, and I'm reentering the relationship space. I'm a mom to two grownups and my magic is making meaningful connections and relationship.

We're diving into this topic that's often whispered about, but deserves to be shouted from the rooftops sex after 50 and beyond, whether you're 50, 60, 70, or have loved ones who are this episodes for you, you never know who needs a little refresh on sex ed or who needs this information brought up over brunch with a senior in their life.

Vicki: Yes. I love that. All right, [00:02:00] so let's be real. Aging doesn't mean that the fun has to stop, all right? In fact, it might just be getting started for some of us, aging is for the lucky and we hope all of us and our listeners age like a wine.

So fine. It's in the fancy section of the store, so grab a cup of tea or wine, get comfortable, and let's have a frank. Fun and empowering conversation about sexual health in our senior years. So before we dive in here, here's a quick disclaimer. We're here to educate and inform, not to diagnose or treat.

Always consult your healthcare provider for medical advice. So let's get into it. Coralie,

Coralie: Let's do it. Yes.

Vicki: we're missing Amber. She's the youngest of the three of us, and I'm just like, Hey, wait a minute.

Coralie: She's like, I don't need this. This is for you, old ladies.

Anyways, let's talk about myth busting and senior sex. So one of the biggest myths is that seniors aren't interested in [00:03:00] sex. I mean, you heard that stat at the beginning, but So spoiler alert, that's just not true. Many seniors are having way better sex than they did in their younger years.

I mean, experience counts, right?

Vicki: I think so. Um, I also am taking some offense to the word senior over 50. I don't know why. I mean, I know that technically that's sort of the demographic I'm falling into, but anybody else not thinking, I'm feeling senior over here. Like, so please understand if you are in the fifties. Range and you're feeling like, well, that doesn't apply to me.

Actually, technically it does. So,

Coralie: Yeah, first of all, I don't think we should have such a negative connotation to it, right? One of my favorite ways that I've heard seniors describe, and I will say that in my mind, senior is like 65 and up, you know, what's the retirement age here in Canada?

68 now, I think. but I think 40 to 60 is considered midlife, so it's better to just be prepared for it anyways. And at 50 you start to get access to some cool [00:04:00] discounts, you know, so.

Vicki: we do, yeah, 55 for sure. And I'm like just, I am just aching for that. Just gimme the, I just want that 25% off. Let's.

Coralie: Yeah, we had a situation, a couple years ago. It was about, probably about four or five years ago actually, where I went to the beer store and I was grabbing something from the beer store and I got Id. It says if you look under 30, whatever, and I, I'm not stupid. I know like she probably had vision problems, you know, but I enjoyed that moment.

But what I enjoyed even more, not long after that, maybe a month after that, I went to the same store with my husband and it was a Tuesday, and the lady who was same one who IDed me, looked at him and said.

Do you wanna take advantage of the senior's discount today? And he just stood there, kind of like dumbfounded for a second. And I just kind of smiled and I was tapping him like, take the discount. Take the discount, because we all want the discount. Right? But he was like, no, I'm not a senior.

Vicki: I don't care [00:05:00] how old you think I look when you're trying to give me a discount. I'm just

Coralie: Yeah.

Vicki: especially now, I'll take your discounts all day long. I'm gonna shop on Senior's day if you allow me. Right? My groceries are gonna be often discounted if I can at all make that happen. So. All right.

Well, let's talk about why seniors shouldn't talk about sex. Hmm. I don't know. I think that there's a bit of a stigma that kind of goes around discussing sex among older adults, which can prevent them from seeking help or advice. So encouraging open and honest conversations about sex can help seniors address any issues and improve their sexual health and satisfaction.

And let's just keep in mind that. Things that we've done when we were younger can also affect us in our sexual health moving forward into our aging years. It's important to still be talking about it and it's important to still be engaging.

Coralie: Yeah. I think also too, when we are talking about people that are in that age range of, you know, say 75, 70 and up, a lot of those people were sort of coming of age or in their [00:06:00] early adult years in the sixties, you know, and in the hippie era where, you know, free love and all that stuff.

Yeah. So I think that for some people they were doing that. I mean, it depended on kind of the person, but there's a lot less, um, taboos around it. And I think that when there is more taboos around it, it's from someone who didn't really dive deep into that counterculture back in the day, you know, but

Vicki: Yeah.

Coralie: talking about it's important.

Vicki: And I think too that when you do encounter somebody who wasn't as, free love as another, they could try to sort of make you feel like, oh, you did that right? but I know from being amongst, people of the aging generation a fair amount, well into sixties, seventies, and eighties, that.

They had some good times. So I think that's really important to recognize and yes, that could be affecting their lives today. So, let's talk about this myth. All seniors are heterosexual. [00:07:00] Mm, nope, nope. No, no. Um, first of all, love and attraction don't have an expiration date. and neither does diversity.

So I think that's really important to mention. I also think that, back in the day, it just wasn't appropriate. If you will, and I'm saying that in quotations, if you're a listener, not a watcher, um, to express if you were in a same sex relationship. You know, we have lots of aunties that live with their besties.

I'm just saying.

Coralie: Lavender marriages were a real thing back then. It wasn't uncommon for two people who identified as not heterosexual to marry each other so that they could do the things that was expected of them in society and, have the kids if they wanted kids and all that stuff, and they just were besties living together.

And if it wasn't for, the boomers doing the free love and the the people who were living the lavender marriages or even coming out way back then when it was a lot harder, those people all set. I'll open [00:08:00] things up so that we can do what we do today and have the conversations we have today, whether it's on this podcast or sitting at brunch with a friend, all that stuff.

So every generation helps progress for the next generations,

Vicki: And I love a good group of trailblazers. I'm just saying,

Coralie: Mm-hmm. To the group chat we want in. Um, but one thing's really interesting is, and I think the Canadians are gonna love this one, but Canada is the first country in the world to include data on gay, trans and non-binary people starting in 2003. So we are, yeah, we're the first pioneers. We are trailblazers.

Vicki: We are. I know. I love that about us.

Coralie: Yeah. And data from the 2018 Canada census shows that 7% of people over 65 identify as LGBTQIA two s plus. Did I say that right? I'm so sorry if I didn't. You guys, I'm doing my best. I wanna get it right.

Vicki: Yeah. If we ever [00:09:00] miss, represent in any way, shape, or form, please know that we are learners , and we are lovers. More seniors are out or coming out than ever before because of our more inclusive world. So in comparison, 29% of people age 15 to 24 identify as L-G-B-T-Q-I-A-S two plus.

Coralie: Yeah, I wonder what the first stats were from the 2003 census. Actually, that would've been good to look.

Vicki: That's a great question though, right? I think it's really important to, to recognize that and I think that, a lot of stories are coming out now of the lavender marriages a lot, and a lot of that is really coming to light where we're going, oh, that makes sense now.

Coralie: Mm-hmm.

Vicki: sense, you know? so anyway. I love that. Okay, so let's talk about safe sex. this may be new news and it may be a refresher to you. So how does safe sex change as we, age, and what do seniors need to know? in my early years, I actually started my sort of healthcare career, [00:10:00] caring for others, let's say, in personal care. And, one of the people that I loved the most was, someone who, every. I don't know, it's every few months, maybe once a quarter. they would ask us to take them to the store to get condoms because they were well into their seventies.

 they needed assisted care, but they were still partnered and they wanted to maintain and continue, uh, generous, healthy, safe. S sex life. And it was brilliant. They weren't married, they were just friends. And you know, one partner would come over and hang out and we would, the door would be locked. It w when the door was closed, we knew not to go in.

And I just love that we could be a part of that supportive environment. It wasn't untoward. It was lovely. And when this one resident would come out and ask me to take them to the store, I was like, let's go after dinner time for a walk. Crazy. I loved it. I loved it. It gave me hope for the future for all of us.

Right?

Coralie: The after dinner walks are [00:11:00] looking a little different,

Vicki: There are,

Coralie: but.

Vicki: when you're walking in with this older person and they're walking around buying condoms, and I'm just like, I'm just a walker.

Coralie: Yeah, we're, we'll, just let them think. Whatever it'll make that person's day, you know.

Vicki: Totally. Yeah.

Coralie: Yeah. But yeah, I'm glad to hear that someone was walking to the store to buy condoms at that age, and that was a long time ago for you because there's this huge myth that seniors don't need that, that seniors don't get STIs when STIs 

don't discriminate by age. They don't go, oh, they've been through enough already at 65, 70. 50, whatever, not for you. Everyone is susceptible to them and a lot of times couples who might have been together 20 years, 30 years, 40 years, they're getting divorced and they've been in a monogamous relationship for all this time.

So buying condoms might not be on the forefront of their mind. You know, a lot of people are widows.

Vicki: And talking about STIs. I mean, HPV is something that can sit dormant in your body for years and years and [00:12:00] years, and then all of a sudden you're a senior and boom, you've got a flare up that you never even knew existed. It's those kinds of things that are just kind of wild and we don't think about them, and we don't necessarily validate them.

So this is where we're doing.

Coralie: Yeah. And a lot of people just think, well, I don't have to worry about that. I can't get pregnant. That's, you know, there's a win. There's a win, but there's still other things that are very concerning to make sure that you're protecting yourself against. So, if you are in a new relationship or if you're in a non-monogamous relationship, or you're just out there playing the field, you know, do you, do you boo?

Make sure that you always have , some form of protection, preferably a condom. And make sure that you are in charge of that. Keep 'em at your house. Keep 'em in your bathroom. Keep 'em in your purse. Keep 'em in your car. Just surprise your grandkids if you got them. Grandma, your glove box is full of condoms.

Vicki: if you were in your senior years and you have grandchildren, you know, it's very possible that your grandchildren are teens anyway. So that could very well, you could be the cool grandma, grandpa. I'm just [00:13:00] saying.

Coralie: Yeah.

Vicki: so let's just hit some stats here. According to Health Canada, national rates of STIs for people, 60 plus specifically are relatively low, but the numbers are climbing between, uh, 2005 and 2015, syphilis was up by 5%.

That's 359 cases up to 526. that's reasonable. that's a reasonable uptick. , chlamydia is up 142%. Woo.

Coralie: Right.

Vicki: Wow. Okay. Chlamydia, watch out for that one. All right. And how about gonorrhea is up 87%. So these are really significant numbers and that tells the story that seniors are sexually active, so it's happening.

Just like not telling our young people how to protect themselves is only gonna get them in trouble. It's not gonna stop them thinking about it. Well, same thing with our seniors. Yeah.

Coralie: sex, isn't just for young people. 

Seniors need to keep it on the menu too. You know, we all want a [00:14:00] good menu at our brunch time, right? So. Right. Yeah, so, condoms too. But also it's important to think about things like, are your hands clean? Is there dirt underneath your fingernails? Because those are things that I don't think were talked about as much back in the day as they are now when we're educating younger people on sexual health.

But especially as you are in your senior years for women, that vaginal tissue can get really thin. And so tiny cuts can be, you can be a lot more susceptible to tiny cuts, which can happen. When someone has untrimmed fingernails, and then especially too, if there's some bacteria dirt under there, then you could just be creating even something like a yeast infection or a UTI.

It's just.

Vicki: No, and I mean, that's just another reason , to use small toys, et cetera , so you're not necessarily having digital penetration, but you can have, something, for a presence inside the body. So, I'm a huge proponent for that. And I remember one time I [00:15:00] had a client who said, my husband is a mechanic.

There's no way he's putting his digits in me, his fingers in me. And I was like. That is a really good point. I'm thinking about that from now on. 

 Let's hit some tips for a thriving sex life in these years.

So what practical tips can help, seniors maintain a healthy and satisfying sex life? 

Coralie: Well, I mean. It always goes back to open communication. Open communication with your partner is everything. Yep. We're about oral sex here.

Vicki: Yeah.

Coralie: Mean talking.

Vicki: We better be. We're talking before. We're talking during, and we're talking after. That's

Coralie: Yeah. if something's not working, talk about it. Maybe there was something that was working for you and your partner for 20 years, and suddenly you're like, I get a Charlie horse in that position. I can't do it anymore. Like,

Vicki: right.

Coralie: you know, so they're not gonna know if we're not [00:16:00] talking about it. So. Don't be afraid to talk about it and don't shy away from products that can really increase that time together, increase your pleasure, decrease any pain or discomfort you might have.

 you might wanna grab some lubrications or some enhancements, you know, kind of think of them as like the nail gun of sex. They just make the job easier and more enjoyable.

Vicki: Yes, a hundred percent. And don't be afraid of, um, you know, oh, I'm dry. Or I need to ask if I No, no, no, no, no, no. You just set those bad boys up on your side table.

Coralie: Mm-hmm.

Vicki: You've got this buffet of things that you can intertwine into your experience and just make them a regular part of taking care of your body.

And there is so much respect in that. and you touched on Coralie about, you know, if you've been with a partner for 30 years, but wait a minute, what if you're with a new partner and you're, in your senior years, you're back to where you have to be communicating. You've got to be sharing wants, needs, likes, what feels good, what doesn't, how to do this, what to do there, what do you like, how do you like, like I.

That part [00:17:00] of that new relationship is gonna be so very important because you have not fallen into a pattern. You're creating one. So I just wanted to hit on that because I know that it's something that a lot of people in this age group are going to be experiencing is new partnership.

Coralie: Mm-hmm. And it might even be easier to talk about it with a new partner because you don't have all this history that might have had some. maybe resentments or maybe just not resentments, but you just never got to the point where you were comfortable asking for what you wanted or what you needed.

And this is a new person, you know, and you can find out right away how cool they are.

Vicki: Well, that's really true, and I think that in relationships that have spent some time, it can become awkward to have the conversation as opposed to being in a new relationship. If it is awkward and it doesn't feel right, it's gonna tell you really quickly whether or not this is a person you wanna be in a relationship with, right?

 I agree. I think that that's kind of, it's a completely different dance, but it's equally as important.

Coralie: [00:18:00] Mm-hmm. I think we should put a little section together on our website of products specifically for people 50 and up, looking to spice up their spicy time, you know?

Vicki: Well, if our listeners wanna just hang tight, maybe they'll see that in our next newsletter. So regular checkups are also super crucial, conditions like diabetes, hormonal changes can affect your sex life. so you wanna stay on top of your health and sort of what, uh, symptoms you may be experiencing.

So that will help to put you in a, in the mindset of maintenance.

Coralie: And yeah, don't be afraid to talk to your doctor about how medications might affect sexual function. One that gives your doctor an idea that they know that, oh, you're sexually active, where you wanna be sexually active. That's good information for your doctor to know some medications can have side effects that impact libido or performance and discussing alternatives with a doctor can be really beneficial.

Vicki: Absolutely. and again, that's another situation where sometimes we're sweeping that stuff [00:19:00] under the rug because maybe it's embarrassing or we're feeling unsure. but that really could just be a conversation of. I've done some of my own research and I think this is what's happening, talking to my doctor.

Because that might also, settle a partner who may feel inadequate if the other partner's medication is, you know, doing a thing like you won't know if you don't talk about it. Right. So, yeah, I, I really respect people who are being bold enough to take that into their own hands and learn and figure it out.

Right.

Coralie: Mm-hmm. Absolutely.

 So it's important to remember too, to know your limits and play within it, just like you were at a slot machine or with the scratch and we, or with the scratch and wins. But sometimes as we get older, we get bad hips, bad knees, arthritis. These can all play a role in searching for new positions or techniques that work for how our bodies can change as we age.

So yeah, it's okay to experiment. It's okay to say, maybe not this time, it's okay to [00:20:00] like have a 10 minute stretch first, whatever. Do naked stretching before you crawl into bed with each other. Make it a part of your routine. get into some yoga poses.

Vicki: Text your partner in the afternoon, hydrate. Take in some H2O, do a stretch. Come on over.

Coralie: Yeah, that's great because it brings up the point to have fun with it, right? Like have fun with it and you can do it with the texting, you can do it with your stretching beforehand. Get out a twister board, whatever. But it's gonna do that fun. It's gonna lead to, that laughter and that funness leads to and more open opportunity to experiment with new positions, new toys, and focus on pleasure rather than performance.

Performance is not where it's at. It's pleasure. It's all about what brings the pleasure, because I guarantee if it does that, it's gonna be a good performance. So sex is about connection, enjoyment, doesn't matter what age you're at.

Vicki: I agree. Think when we were younger we used to worry a lot about performance.

Like it was a tick and tally, and [00:21:00] now we just think about pleasure and how can we make this better. We're not in the business anymore of like, this is like good enough is enough, right? No, that's not where, that's not where we're living in this age group. So,

Coralie: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like what does my face look like right now? What does my face look like when I orgasm? You don't care anymore.

Vicki: no, no, look away if it doesn't work for you.

Coralie: Yeah. In fact, maybe emphasize it a little bit and make your partner laugh.

Vicki: How do I look right now? So funny. Okay.

Well, that's it for today's episode, and I hope that we've busted some myths, sparked some conversation and maybe even inspired you to embrace your sexual health with confidence as you age. Just remember that sex after 50 isn't just possible. It can be amazing, and it's all about adapting, communicating, and prioritizing your pleasure.

Coralie: I'm gonna be 50 in three months. Nope, two months. I can't wait to have sex after 50.

Vicki: Well, I'm hitting 53 in April, so it's happening.

Coralie: I [00:22:00] know. I'm so excited

Amber: thanks for pulling up a chair at our unapologetic brunch table today. If you enjoyed the conversation, don't forget to like, subscribe, and leave us a review. It's like tipping your server, but for podcasts. And hey, sign up for our weekly newsletter using the link in the show notes so you never miss the juiciest, most unfiltered chats we're serving up.

Remember, brunch isn't just about the mimosas, it's about the authentic connection and keeping it unapologetically real. Until next time, let's keep the brunch vibes alive and the conversation flowing.