Episode 25: The Power of Pride: Embracing Queer Wisdom for a Richer Life

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How Queer Liberation Can Benefit Straight Folks Too | Not Safe For Brunch

In this episode of 'Not Safe for Brunch,' hosts Coralie, Amber, and Vicki discuss how the wisdom and practices of the queer community can benefit straight people in areas like communication, reducing shame, and enhancing pleasure. They explore the roots of Pride, highlight significant LGBTQ statistics in Canada, and celebrate the benefits of queer inclusivity in creating safer, more accepting spaces. Tune in for an unapologetic conversation on consent, identity, and authentic connection that can transform relationships and sex lives for everyone.

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Transcript

Coralie: [00:00:00] Here's the thing. What queer folks have known forever could actually save your straight life. We're gonna talk about better communication, less shame, more pleasure, pride. Do you think it's not about you? It's not, but you benefit if you're straight. I benefit, I'm straight.

Coralie: We all benefit being straight and we're gonna talk about that, what it is, what it isn't, and why straight people have a lot to gain from queer liberation.

 Coralie: Welcome to Not Safe for Brunch. In this podcast, we're here to bring sex insight and real world education to the table unapologetically. Think about it as having those important, unfiltered brunch conversations with your closest friends about sex relationships and everything in between. With over 55 years of experience combined in the intimacy industry, helping individuals and couples focus on breaking down barriers.

Coralie: Reducing shame and empowering people to embrace their [00:01:00] desires and relationships with confidence. Hi, I'm Coralie. I live in the Vancouver area. I'm a married mama, two half empty nesting, one in one out, and my secret power is I love a good rabbit hole. I love digging deep and finding the truth or the root cause of a situation.

Amber: And I'm Amber. I live in Ontario. I'm married. I'm a mom and a gma. And an unapologetic quality of mine is I weed through the fluff, and I get to the point. 

Vicki: I love it. I am Vicki. I'm in Manitoba. I'm divorced, and I'm reentering the relationship space. I'm a mom to two grownups and my magic is making meaningful connections and relationship, which of course creates trust.

Coralie: We are not here to rainbow, wash, or straight splain pride, but we are here to connect the dots between safer, sexier places and how they benefit literally everyone.

Amber: Exactly. Pride isn't your weekend personality trait, but straight folks [00:02:00] showing up, shutting up, and learning that we're into.

Vicki: Totally into it. And honestly, the queer community's been out here doing all the heavy lifting around consent, kink chosen family and pleasure. Like way long before, Cosmo caught onto the message. So it's kind of like queer folks built the house and now straight people just want to Airbnb it for the weekend.

Coralie: Do I have a cleaning fee? What's the cleaning fee? So here's your Pride Month reminder. Pride didn't just start with Rainbow Merch. It actually started as a protest with Stonewall in 1969 and Canada's bathhouse raids in 1981. So at its core, pride has always been about fighting for safety, for body autonomy, and for sexual freedom, which were all about sexual freedom.

Coralie: So. and Canada was actually one of the very first countries to legalize same-sex marriage in 2005. And we still rank pretty high globally when it comes to L-G-B-T-Q rights. There is another stat that Canada was the first country [00:03:00] in the world, start recognizing L-G-B-T-Q in their census. And I want that was either oh five or oh three, somewhere around there. But we've been doing it for a long time. Go Team Canada. So while we celebrate, we're gonna remember where it all began.

Coralie: So. Some stats to start this off with. In the Stats Canada 2022 census, 1 million people in Canada identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or of another sexual orientation that isn't heterosexual. It represents about 4% of our population, ages 15 and up. A 2022 Ipso survey showed that 82% of Canadians support L-G-B-T-Q rights, which was one of the highest globally, again, high five for Team Canada.

Coralie: Yeah, 82%. That's awesome. I mean, wonder what's wrong with the other 18% of you guys? Maybe listen. Um, and also too, this was so interesting. So the National Institute of Health, they did a meta-analysis of multiple studies, related to orgasm rates of lesbian [00:04:00] versus hetero women and lesbian women have a 98% higher odds of having regular orgasms than heterosexual women.

Coralie: So it's mind blowing and. I think if everyone felt free to explore what actually works for them, instead of performing what they think they should be doing, how much better would our world be? Because 98% higher chance that's not settled. That's pretty big.

Amber: Right me up.

Coralie: Mm-hmm.

Vicki: It's like, wait a minute, where that line,

Coralie: Yeah.

Vicki: I think that something really important, especially in lieu of those stats, is just to recognize that if you are of that percentage who is not accepting of, the L-G-B-T-Q community, note that you probably know someone and you more than likely love someone who is identifying in that group and isn't safe with you.

Vicki: just think about that for a moment. Do you really want your child not to feel safe [00:05:00] with you? Do you really want your mom, your dad, not to feel safe with you? I think we need to think about that a little more.

Coralie: Mm-hmm.

Vicki: Who's missing out? Because they are not. Able to be honest with the people that they love and who are the people that they love that are not willing to be open to the idea of someone being a whole human being.

Coralie: Mm-hmm. I think that's really hard for people to grasp sometimes, and I think one thing we can all do is put the shoe on the other foot. Like just imagine if straight people had to hide,

Vicki: Right.

Coralie: hands, they couldn't kiss, they couldn't tell someone that they were marrying a member of the opposites.

Coralie: Like if you just think about it that way, it all is so ridiculous, right? Like sometimes it's flip of mentality and you realize so dumb

Vicki: Yeah. And you know what, I know we're gonna get it in the comments like, why don't heteros have a parade? Because we don't fucking need one. That's why we don't have a parade because our rights are [00:06:00] not be, well, I mean, we are, we are in a weird time, but, we are threatened as a straight community, and we haven't been threatened for decades as a straight community.

Vicki: So we need to just get over ourselves a little bit and, um,

Amber: And that really does take us into this next point here all about queer liberation and benefits. How it benefits everyone. So, you know, one of the underrated gifts of queer culture is talking about stuff.

Vicki: Yeah.

Amber: Like really talking about consent kinks, chosen families and what actually feels good. And spoiler alert straight folks, we're all gonna benefit from that too, right?

Vicki: Yes,

Amber: is key.

Vicki: a hundred percent.

Amber: when we loosen up rigid gender roles, suddenly it's okay to be a stay at home dad, A strong woman a soft man. Imagine that. That's part of what Pride does. It makes more room for [00:07:00] identity, for sexuality, for not having to perform some cardboard version of who you think you're supposed to be. More realness, less pressure. Sounds pretty great to me.

Vicki: , Yeah, I have quite a few queer folk in my life and when I have watched them come into who they are. That has been one of the most beautiful things that I've ever seen. And you see them relaxing inside their own skin and in their circles and amongst their families. When acceptance and love is something that is just the norm, it makes everything else fall into place.

Vicki: And if there's anything that I want in this world is that the people that I love and care about, to love themselves, and I think that that's what that does.

Amber: Can I just say as a Woman, some of the most fun times I've ever had are at our gay bar here in town,

Vicki: Absolutely.

Amber: accepted. I felt [00:08:00] like unfreaking believable. Why can't we all be like that?

Vicki: Mm-hmm. I'll tell you, you know the conversation as women that happens in the women's bathroom. Everyone's always cheering each other on you. Go girl, da da da da. Yeah. Go into a gender neutral bathroom with a few people. That is a fantastic place to be.

Vicki: Love it.

Coralie: I haven't been to a gay bar in, so I've been to a bar in so long.

Amber: Right.

Vicki: Yeah.

Coralie: But, there's just something to be said about the safeness that you feel when you're in a space like that, and I know that queer spaces. their purpose isn't so that us straight women can have a safe space.

Coralie: I think it's very kind that they allow. Right. Um, but I think that you know exactly that if every place was that safe, like the world would just be better because they have been judged. Ridiculed pushed down in society for so [00:09:00] long, my whole life and longer. And it's funny, if you go back into history, it did not start out repressed. It was a lot of religion that led to that. But anyways, we have a lot to learn from that, from all these safe spaces that they create because I think the unsafe spaces have been mostly created by safe, by straight people.

Vicki: I have to agree. Mm-hmm. Yeah, we, we have definitely created a divide. As a straight community, right? we are the people that have created the divide, and it's our job to loosen that up a little bit. I just believe that as allies, as, people part of the community, we just have to be louder now so that the voices of negativity and oppression are quieter.

Coralie: Yeah, because it's really shitty. Those ones are so loud. Like you have a community Fully supports a rainbow crosswalk and all it takes is one loud asshole with a truck [00:10:00] and now suddenly everyone that goes through that town thinks everyone in that town , is against L-G-B-T-Q or doesn't support LGBT LGBTQ rights end. it's just one fucker

Vicki: Queer spaces have been way ahead when it comes to prioritizing consent and comfort, inclusive pleasure, stuff that straight spaces are only just starting to get the memo about. We've had to do a lot of talking to get ourselves there and all that slutty outfits, body glitter, dance floors, and full on visibility.

Vicki: That's not just showing off, that's about claiming agency and owning who you are. And I think sometimes some of that showiness is because we need to shock people into recognizing that there is no problem here. I'm just glad that they are taking control and they are owning, the terminology that oppresses us.

Vicki: Pride isn't just a party, it's an invitation for straight folks to rethink, shame, [00:11:00] start exploring joy, sensuality, and identify without fear or judgment. And here's a cool Canadian twist. Lots of cities across Canada now have pride focused wellness organizations, queer, inclusive, sex ed, because inclusion isn't just a buzzword, it's a real.

Vicki: Thing. Right? So, what would a straight friendly, queer informed bedroom even look like, guys? What does, what do we think

Coralie: I think whatever they were into, you would know as soon as you walked into that bedroom.

Vicki: maybe.

Coralie: if this was a couple that enjoyed kink or BDSM, you would, there would be signs if they enjoyed, you know, more romantic, whatever there would be, whatever they were into, there would be signs as soon as you walked in, because I think that they're not really worried about keeping things in a locked up toolbox

Vicki: Right.

Coralie: as we might be, you know?

Vicki: Yeah. And I've also never walked into a queer space and felt unsafe.

Coralie: Right.[00:12:00] 

Amber: Yeah.

Vicki: It's just, it's never happened in my life. And I have been in a lot of queer spaces. I just, it feels like kindness and love and I don't know, if I would know what they were into. I think that there's just a lot of people who are just living their lives exactly the way a heterosexual couple lives their lives.

Vicki: and because it doesn't fit the norm construct that we've all decided. Not us obviously, but that the society has decided, is normal., It can't fit. Or I also think that, and we did an episode on porn recently, but I also think that a lot of pornography that is same sex pornography depicts something that of course is fantasy.

Vicki: We know this. But I think that a lot of people look into that window and think that that's what everyone's bedroom looks like. In my experience, I'd have to disagree.

Coralie: Yeah, well, I think too, like straight versus gay, for example, if you have a straight couple and. [00:13:00] They really are into like a sub dom relationship. I feel like a lot more of those couples are going to be hiding that more. You know? And I'm not saying that the queer couple is gonna make sure everyone knows, but I'm gonna say they're less concerned about the judgment if they did leave stuff out or if their bedroom was more kind of fashioned that way,

Vicki: Yeah, sure.

Coralie: there's so many couples that have an act to step into, you know, and we know. From our experience that quietest people who talk about it the least have the most stuff in that locked up box,

Amber: but you gotta think of it probably this way too, is. people have already gone through the judgment, so by the time they get to this point, they're just like, cares? Whereas straight people were like, Ooh, what are they gonna

Coralie: Mm-hmm.

Amber: like it this way, or I like this kink, or, you know?

Amber: So we hide it a lot more because we're worried about the judgment, whereas they've gone through it, they've battled through it, and they're like, [00:14:00] F this shit.

Vicki: Yep. That circles right back to the beginning of this podcast, which was how do we benefit? As straight people from the gay community, right? This is how, this is how we can take a page outta that book and just be unapologetically who we are doing the things that we do. Nothing has to be shameful, and I love that.

Vicki: I just love it so much, and there's just so much acceptance in that space, and I just want that for everyone.

Coralie: Yeah. So here's the takeaway. Pride isn't just about queer folks. But it is because queer communities have been leading the charge in creating shame-free, pleasure, positive, emotionally smart spaces. So when those shifts happen, we all benefit. Everyone benefits straight, folks included. And whether it's in relationships, whether it's communication, whether it's in the bedroom, at the end of the day, queer people have known forever about consent, identity, and authentic connection can seriously transform not only your sex life, but your life.

Vicki: [00:15:00] Mm-hmm.

Coralie: but your life. So that's the power of pride. I'm getting goosebumps. That's the power of pride. So remember, don't co-opt the party, but learn from the hosts.

Amber: And respect the roots. Enjoy the ripple effect.

Vicki: For sure and less shame, better sex. Turns out pride delivers for everyone.

Amber: So before we go, here's your call to thought. What's one piece of queer wisdom you think every straight person should steal? that with you and maybe this too. Check out a local pride event. Support queer creators. And remember, pride isn't just about showing up. It's about learning how to live with more freedom, less shame, and way better sex.

Vicki: Yes.

Vicki: This week's not safe for brunches, brought to you by true blue, pure instinct where you don't have to chase the attention it finds you. You're gonna dab a little bit on some of your erogenous zones here, and you're gonna [00:16:00] let the chemistry do all the heavy lifting in the work, and it's gonna make you undeniably unforgettable.

Amber: Thanks for pulling up a chair at our unapologetic brunch table today. If you enjoyed the conversation, don't forget to like, subscribe, and leave us a review. It's like tipping your server, but for podcasts. And hey, sign up for our weekly newsletter using the link in the show notes so you never miss the juiciest, most unfiltered chats we're serving up.

Amber: Remember, brunch isn't just about the mimosas, it's about the authentic connection and keeping it unapologetically real. Until next time, let's keep the brunch vibes alive and the conversation flowing.