Episode: 30 - Enhancing Pleasure: The Importance of Lubrication in Intimacy

Sutil Trio: https://notsafeforbrunch.myshopify.com/products/lubricant-trio 

Join hosts Coralie, Amber, and Vicki in a lively and educational episode of Not Safe For Brunch as they dismantle the myths and stigmas surrounding the use of lubricant. The conversation dives into why lube is a daily essential for vulva hydration, the importance of incorporating it into sexual and non-sexual routines, and different types of lubes suitable for various needs. With over 55 years of combined experience in the intimacy industry, these experts share personal anecdotes, research findings, and practical tips on how to choose and use the right lubricant for enhanced pleasure and comfort. Don't miss out on their humor, wisdom, and valuable insights on keeping your intimate moments smooth and enjoyable.

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Transcript

Amber: [00:00:00] Do you think lube is just for sex? Think again. For many of us, it's a daily essential.

Vicki: Your vulva deserves hydration just as much as your face does. This is your reminder to moisturize both.

Coralie: And if you're over 40 and still skipping lube sis, we need to talk.

Coralie: Welcome to Not Safe for Brunch. In this podcast, we're here to bring sex insight and real world education to the table unapologetically. Think about it as having those important, unfiltered brunch conversations with your closest friends about sex relationships and everything in between. With over 55 years of experience combined in the intimacy industry, helping individuals and couples focus on breaking down barriers.

Reducing shame and empowering people to embrace their desires and relationships with confidence. Hi, I'm Coralie. I [00:01:00] live in the Vancouver area. I'm a married mama, two half empty nesting, one in one out, and my secret power is I love a good rabbit hole. I love digging deep and finding the truth or the root cause of a situation.

Amber: And I'm Amber. I live in Ontario. I'm married. I'm a mom and a gma. And an unapologetic quality of mine is I weed through the fluff, and I get to the point. 

Vicki: I love it. I am Vicki. I'm in Manitoba. I'm divorced, and I'm reentering the relationship space. I'm a mom to two grownups and my magic is making meaningful connections and relationship, which of course creates trust.

Let's talk about why lube isn't optional. Here's a good stat for you. Only one in five women regularly use lubricant during partnered sex, even though nine in 10 report that it improves pleasure, comfort, and ease. That's from the Kinsey Institute in Indiana University.

That's wild. To me. That's just, that's crazy. Talk.

Amber: I don't [00:02:00] understand, is it because it's just like an inconvenience? What's the reason here? Because

it's so much better. I'm like, that's a no brainer. , Uh, grab the.

Coralie: Stigma.

Vicki: Do you think it's stigma? Because I, I also wonder too about that because I think that a lot of times men are like, oh, well we don't need that. I can get you there on my own. And I think that that's a real, uh, mind shift that needs to happen on that side so that we're feeling more comfortable as women saying We need lubricant.

Right.

Coralie: Mm-hmm.

Amber: and I think it's a conversation because at the beginning of stages of, mine and my husband's relationship, he's like, oh, I just don't like that feeling. I'm like, what, what?

Vicki: Yeah.

Amber: Then we gotta find the right one because this is happening. Then we gotta find one that works for both of us.

Vicki: Yeah, so, so stigma does definitely seem to me like it might be the most prevalent of the reasons why, even though it's reported that it's so much more pleasurable, why women are still not necessarily using it. It's gotta be stigma. I.

Coralie: I also wonder too if, for some [00:03:00] people, the very first time they ever tried using a lubricant, what if it was like a free sample? Like someone just gave you a free, you don't know where you were, you don't know where that lube came from? And we've tried a lot of really subpar lues, right? So what if you just got a free sample and then you're like, eh, and then you're like, I never wanna try that again.

Vicki: One bad experience 

Amber: Or lube was in your drawer for a really long time, and then you went ahead and tried and used it again and grabbed the wrong one. Whatever the reason your travel lube you haven't used in year, and then you had a yeast infection. I mean, I may be speaking from experience.

Coralie: Common. Common.

Amber: Don't use a really old lube, like just throw that out, get a new one.

It's okay.

Coralie: Mm-hmm.

Vicki: Yeah, I think that's true too. I think that oftentimes we just have one bad experience. Mm-hmm. it tends to be what stops us from everything. 'cause again, it's all about our brain, right? So when our brain tells us, whoa, the last time I used that this happened, it just kind of puts us in that place. And a lot of people in general are not necessarily doing their own research, right?

I mean, in our [00:04:00] business, how many lubes have we tried over the years to find the one that we like best or that we can recommend for certain scenario situations, et cetera. I mean, , we're kind of a work in progress with that, but most people aren't, right.

Coralie: Yeah.

Vicki: All right, so lube isn't necessarily about fixing a problem.

It's about enhancing your pleasure, reducing discomfort, and making that intimacy last longer. That I always love the statement wetter is better, and I know that a lot of women create a lot of their own lubricant and yay for you, but a lot of women aren't. So we need to make sure that we're serving ourselves well.

Amber: and you may create a lot of lubricant right at the beginning. You're excited, it's fresh, it's, you know, and then if you have a male partner, their penis is pretty absorbent, you

know? Right, so they could be like sucking it up. You need to have it as a backup. I'm telling you. Don't just keep going. And then you're like, oh, I'm a little bit dry.

Oh, we're having fun. Let's just [00:05:00] keep going. You're not doing yourself any favors.

Vicki: No. And sometimes it can feel like it's a buzzkill in the middle if you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, we need to reapply. Yeah, you know what? That lives right beside me in the bed and it's gonna be very easy to reapply. You may not even notice, you know? I just think it's important. Research shows that we have better orgasms when we're using lubricant. Fewer micro tears. That's a big deal. Micro tears can absolutely shut down the entire operation for some time. Right. That yeast infection. A UTI, just a bacterial infection. Bv, no, thank you.

And it reduces pain and discomfort especially. Post baby during stress, perimenopause, hormonal birth control, all of these outside factors that we don't necessarily control how our body's gonna respond to it, but we can control how we respond to that scenario.

Coralie: I have a question for you guys. When did you realize that lube was way more than [00:06:00] just like, I'm going to use this when I'm dry, or when I am hormonal, or when I'm this, or when I'm, it's not a sometimes product.

Vicki: When did you guys realize this is, this is a must have.

Coralie: For me it was probably early to mid thirties and I. Noticed, I started noticing that when I was done my period, I would be itchy. And so I started doing research into that. And the itchiness is a sign of dryness. And so when you use tampons, which is my method of choice, it absorbs all that moisture. It doesn't just absorb period, it absorbs all the moisture.

So it's sitting there. If you have a period five to seven days, your tampons are absorbing all that moisture. And for about two or three days after my period, I would be so dry. So dry, and it was because of that. So then I just started applying a little bit of lubricant the first couple days after my period to balance things [00:07:00] out and it went away.

And I use less tampons now. But yeah, it was like, oh, it's not just for sex.

Amber: I, I feel like for me it was when I first, when I started selling it, and then I was like, oh, and I'm learning the importance of lubricant and I'm sharing it with other people, and now I'm starting to use it more often and I'm like, man, this feels so much better. This is so much nicer. And that's probably for me, that's when I really started using lube on a regular basis.

Vicki: Yeah. I hear that totally. I think I was the same. I think that's when I really started to use good lubricant, was when I started selling a good lubricant. But prior to that, in my twenties, I suffered with. Chronic UTIs and I could never figure it out. I even went for surgery for exploratory. So, so they could, they didn't know what was going on in my bladder that was creating this constant, problem.

And as soon as I started using a good lubricant [00:08:00] regularly, I think I've had one UTI in the last 30 years.

Amber: Wow.

Vicki: years, yeah. Yeah. And I mean, I'm talking, my twenties was back to back, to back to back. It was horrible. Horrible. And I think that, again, some of that was not using a lubricant and that friction was too much.

It was creating way too many, UTIs that way. And then I think it was just, you know, using crappy lube or men love this. I,

Amber: Yuck.

Vicki: and I don't think that's great for my vagina either.

Amber: So for anybody listening.

Vicki: Yeah. L and swath method. spit is not lube. No, no. They try hard though.

Amber: let's dive into some types of, lubricants and maybe a bit about the daily moisturizers that you could actually use or lubricants that you could use for a daily moisturizer. But, we have different types of lubricant. You could find different types of lubricant [00:09:00] online in stores. You could find it on our website. But. Water-based is probably my go-to. We have our Sutil luxe. You could also get like a water-based aloe lube, they're gentle, they're body safe, they're really easy to clean. , A lot of them will like mimic your own natural lube feeling like the sutil luxe. If you like that natural your own feel to it, that's the one to go for.

Vicki: I agree, and I think that if you've been on our social media, , we're talking about lubricant a lot. , And I think it's because it is so incredibly important and I agree the water-based lubricant is just your great everyday basic lubricant that sort of mimics our own natural, , experience.

So that's my preference as well. I'm with you.

Coralie: I am a rich girl. I like it thick. I want it thick. I want it to stay in spot. And what I love about the rich I. Is 'cause I was feeling like water-based weren't working for me anymore, that I had to go onto silicone, which is fine occasionally, but I [00:10:00] didn't wanna use silicone all the time. I just prefer water and I didn't think I could until the IL rich.

It's, it's my 

Amber: Yeah, because It's a water based,

Coralie: It's a water base, but it's so thick. You would think it's a silicone and it feels, and I sat there on my couch, put some in my hands, and I was just doing this for seven minutes. It didn't get gross. I had to actually just go wash it off. I was like, I'm gonna get carpal tunnel. My fingers are hurting. I wanted to see how long it would go.

Amber: And with the Soill rich, so this is a water-based thick lubricant like Coralie said, but, it's great for menopausal related dryness, and you could use that as a daily moisturizer. It's actually on the bottle where it says, use this for its daily moisturizer. And of course you could use it for anal.

It's kind of like that, almost like a hybrid, but it's not, it has no silicone in it.

So it's good for, I mean, all around you. Do you want one all around lube? That's probably the one you want.

Coralie: Mm-hmm.

Vicki: I love that and I think that we forget the importance of lubrication [00:11:00] during menopause as a moisturizer. Literally use it every day. Give it a little swipe, carry on with your business. And because it's water-based, it will stay and it will, you know, if you have any sweats or any a little bit of discharge throughout the day, it just reactivates all of that.

It's just so incredibly important. We need to go through, our years through menopause and beyond feeling good.

Coralie: Mm-hmm.

Amber: Yeah, definitely. And then other types, hybrid. So like I kind of mentioned, so there's hybrid lubricants, which is the kind of the best of both worlds. If you like that silky feeling, it does still have that silicone silky feeling and it's long lasting, not as hard to clean as a silicone lubricant.

And then of course you have your silicone based lubricants, but you need to clean those off with. Soap and water. So they're ideal for like extended play, water play, anal play. You don't naturally lubricate there, right? Those are the main common different lubricants. Do you guys have any others that you like or use or have used in the past?

Coralie: Um, well, I know there's oil based lubricants. I'm not a fan, and I know a lot of people use coconut [00:12:00] oil. For me personally, everyone can make their own decisions, but there's a lot of studies on coconut oil on the skin. I haven't been able to find a study about the long-term effects of coconut oil on the vulva vaginal tissues, so I personally won't be using it.

But if you have something that works for you, great.

Vicki: Yeah. I'm also not a huge proponent for the coconut oil in the vaginal area. It's just, again, it's a me thing. And I think because I'm so susceptible to. UTIs, et cetera, that it's just always in the back of my head. Like, I just wanna use something that I know is gonna gonna work. I hate being a test subject, but sometimes in this business we have to be, but yeah, I stay away from the coconut oils as well.

But then again, there are some, there's some flavored friendly, body friendly lubricants that, some of us may have trouble with them. And again, you've gotta know what you are willing to try. But I still think that there are some vaginal friendly flavor lubricants that are also a ton of fun.

Coralie: And they also make [00:13:00] penises taste way better.

Vicki: Yeah.

Amber: Right.

This episode was brought to you by our Not Safer Brunch, intimacy shop, and one of our absolute faves, Sutil Luxe Lubricant. You know how we say brunch should be juicy? Well, I. So should everything else. This Sutil luxe water-based lubricant has a light satiny texture that feels just like your own wetness.

It's not sticky, it doesn't leave a residue, and it's pH balanced to keep your vagina happy and hey, who doesn't like a happy vagina? Right? It is packed with hyaluronic acid and oat beta glucan for deep, long lasting hydration. Whether you're flying solo with a partner or just like your toys to glide really nice luxe Sutil lubricant is for you.

Grab this lubricant at notsaferbrunch.com because good lube is like good brunch, light, satisfying, and leaves you feeling so much [00:14:00] better.

So I do have a stat and nearly 50% of post-menopausal women experience vaginal dryness, but fewer than 20% use daily moisturizer.

Um, and if you're looking for a really good one, I'm plugging in that sutil rich. You gotta try it. I'm telling you, it makes a huge difference.

Vicki: Yep. I'd have to agree. And I think that because it's, multifunctional, you can use it for intercourse, you can use it for, masturbation, you can use it just as a daily moisturizer. It just, it covers, it's, it, the whole umbrella is, it's right there.

Amber: So how would things have been different if we were taught vaginal moisturizing in sex ed, do you think Like

way back.

Vicki: Don't even get me started. My goodness. I just talked to a family member who just left, the grade where they teach the initial sex ed stuff, and going into, middle school. I had one afternoon of training [00:15:00] guys there. I would love for it to have been different. It clearly isn't after all of these years.

Let's be real. I think it's wild what we're not teaching. So how would things have been different? Well, I think that we would all be a lot more educated. We'd be a lot more self-aware. We would have healthier bodies. We would be a lot more considerate, especially if both. Men and women were taught the importance of lubricant and just using a moisturizer and how much more pleasurable that could be for us.

And here we go again, don't poo poo me because I'm not saying all men are not interested in how our bodies work, but some men just don't know and they need to be taught. And then that puts us in that position of being a teacher and, and a partner and all of those things, which we also don't mind, but.

I could go on all day about it. I think it would've, it changed things exponentially and I think that that's what we do now.

Coralie: I think that, yeah, same thing. I think that the earlier we're exposed to stuff,[00:16:00] 

Vicki: Yeah.

Coralie: the more accepting we are of it, right? So if you are someone who. Lives in a small town community with less than a thousand people and you're there for 40 years and then you go to New York City, you're gonna be like. What is, what's happening in the world, right?

Like I didn't know. And so the more you expose and there is science behind that, but the earlier you expose people to things, the more tolerant and accepting they are of things. And the science was mostly on the big shit. But I'm gonna bet it goes down to the little stuff like this, right? Like kids who are raised in sex positive homes are always more comfortable talking about sex.

Kids who are not, they're raised in a home that shames sex or doesn't allow any conversation about it. They're the ones that will generally be more likely to, if it's a someone who is a female at birth, they're going to feel like maybe something's wrong with them if they need lube and if they're assigned male at birth, they might think like, I'm not a real man 'cause I can't make her wet.

Like.

Vicki: Please.

Coralie: [00:17:00] You are

Vicki: I always think to myself, if that was all your job, how much lube would I really need? If your whole job was to make me wet. Like, that's a big stop. It. This is a big job. That is, that is a very multifaceted job. Especially when you get to orange. Right? Or like Yeah. You don't have the ability to jump through that many hoops.

Just bring the loop. It's fine.

Coralie: Mm-hmm. Especially too, because there's sometimes where you're like, yeah, like I want to, my brain wants to, I am into this, but my body is not getting the memo, you know? And there's nothing you can do. There's nothing I can do. There's nothing a vibrator can do. I need the lube. My body is not responding.

And. It's just the way 

Amber: So true. 

Coralie: Alright, so let's talk about how do you use lubrication like a pro? So first of all. It's always best to start before you feel dry. Don't wait for discomfort. I always think it's nice to keep some in your bathroom [00:18:00] and some in your nightstand because then when you go into the bathroom before, to like freshen up glitter your vulva, you can put a little lube on it, and it's just kind of like before the moment, but always start before, I mean.

Late's better than ever, but before, it's okay. We already talked about this. There's no shame in reapplying mid-session. Normalize keeping it on the nightstand. And a tip I got from someone a long time ago was this woman would take, because the water-based lube, when it rubs in, if it gets wet again, some of the water-based loops, they'll re moisturize, right?

They'll, get slick, slick again. So she would put a little bit kind of down on her hip bone. And she would let it dry in before her and her husband went on a date. And then when she got home and they were all getting all whatever, and she needed lube, she would lick her fingers, lick that spot, she left it on her hip bone, apply it, and her partner never even fricking knew because [00:19:00] rights.

Amber: planning right there.

Coralie: Rights,

Vicki: Totally, totally. But can we just talk about that though? Why was it done so that her husband didn't know? Like, that's the part that sort of perpetuates all this. Now I get it in the moment, and that's kind of sneaky and fun and I like it. But, it's the fact that, yeah, like her husband didn't even know.

So then he was led to believe that he was the creator of that.

Coralie: Yeah, and I heard that like 15 years ago, so hopefully there's been some progression.

Vicki: Yeah, that's interesting to me. Yeah, I love that. I think it's, I, like I said, I think it's fun. I think it's sneaky, it's a little whatever, whatever.

Amber: Well, and it's, it would be, it's fun. Like not necessarily like that. They don't know.

It could be cool for, you know, a third date or whatever

you're going have some fun,

but in the car or somewhere where you're not coming back home to grab the loom. You know, if you don't have it, you don't wanna carry it in your purse or your handbag. That's a great way to do it.

Coralie: Totally. Mm-hmm.

Vicki: have sample packets everywhere. You guys,

Coralie: Yeah, [00:20:00] me

Vicki: every drawer, the car, you name it, you dunno, you dunno.

Amber: know.

Coralie: Yeah. Well, not my car, but it's a civic. Nothing's happening in there.

Vicki: I think you'd be surprised.

Amber: But you can pull over and then you need it in your car 'cause you just got out

Coralie: It's in my purse.

Vicki: Gone all the way now on date night.

Amber: Oh yeah. Day night's fun. We, you know,

let's get caught.

Coralie: Another tip I wanted to say with the lube is don't just, don't just squeeze it and apply it to the vulva or the penis. Okay. That's. No, we put it on our hands and then we apply. It's more sensual. It sounds better like as you squeeze the bottle. No thanks. And you get more control over location and amount, right?

So put it in your hands and then apply. Don't just, but anyways. Some other tips are yes, you can use lube with toys. Now, what's always [00:21:00] been recommended is to use water-based lube for silicone toys. I do wanna share. I went on a deep dive on this last month, so, and I started thinking this because a couple years ago there was a certain brand that said, oh, you can use our silicone lube with our toys, but you can't use another silicone lube.

Then it won't work. Then the warranty isn't valid. So that's what kind of got my brain started thinking anyways. You make the choices that you want with your toys. However, what I have read from more recent information is that if it is a good quality lubricant, or sorry, a good quality silicone and a good quality lubricant, it should not affect your toy at all.

It should not it, it's the kind of the older ones, the old school ones. So do the research yourself. We are just information givers. We are not here to tell you this is a hundred percent you gotta go do it. The, the standard has always been water-based for silicone, but [00:22:00] I think it's fine. But you do your own research.

They're your toys.

Vicki: I I also think it's important that you're not leaving the lubricant on the toy. You're washing your toys after use. You're washing, you're taking care of your toy in the way it needs to be taken care of. And I think that, if you're serious about making sure you're maintaining the quality of your toy.

You're gonna be just fine. I, I have also not experienced a silicone toy, silicone lube mishap, so I've been, I've been doing this for a long time.

Coralie: yeah. The only mishaps I've ever seen are TPR and vinyl. Melting. So if you have the old school toys, or generally thermoplastic rubber or vinyl, I cannot tell you how many times I had them melt together and form this weird toy that no one has enough holes for. No,

Vicki: Yeah, that's true.

Coralie: but I've never had that happen with the silicone.

Okay, anyways, continuing to go. So with, if you're using condoms, you wanna make sure that you are not using any sort of [00:23:00] oil based lubricant. You want to, stay away from the coconut oil. Gun oil is another one I've heard about a lot. Silicone and water-based are both fine. But no oil. And you can use lubes for solo play, shower, play, foreplay, and it is good to have more than one lube, right?

Like, I love my IL rich, but if I'm gonna go have some water plate, I'm gonna grab a silicone because, the water base will just wash away, right? Sometimes you wanna flavored lube. Sometimes you might want a lighter lube so you can have different types of lubrications for different situations and that's why I think too, it's important to, if you're at a store and you see like a four ounce bottle or the 20 ounce bottle, don't go for the 20 ounce. First of all, it's probably gonna go bad before you can use it all.

And I don't mean and all that means is it's gonna lose its efficacy, but. The reason, like when we were talking earlier, Amber was talking about yeast infections. If you have a bottle that's 12 open for 12 or 18 months, bacteria is gonna get [00:24:00] inside there. Right? Especially if you've been applying it and then reapplying it and you're probably not washing your hands in between you, you know, you gotta think about that.

So get the, you know, four to eight ounce size maybe, and just have multiple, have different ones. Find a brand you love. And then also too, some other things to consider If , you're trying lubrications and you notice like, oh, I have a reaction, I have this, I have that. First of all, don't go to the drugstore. Go to our website, not safe for brunch.com, or another place that you trust, a story you trust or a site that you trust. But try, any that are flavor free. If someone's going to be sensitive, flavors are generally not gonna work for them. Also you can look for lubes that are pH balanced. For more sensitive people, a good lubrication is gonna be pH balanced anyways, unless it's like flavored.

But a water-based lube is generally gonna be pH balanced if it's a good quality lubricant. I also think it's really important if you have a reaction to a lubrication. Look at the top five ingredients. Go onto the web, go into chat, GBT, throw those top five [00:25:00] ingredients in and say, which one of these ingredients do most people have a reaction to?

And you can figure out, because some people cannot use glycerin at all. It causes a huge reaction, whereas other people. The glycerin is a benefit to them, right? So it's really important to know your body and what your body likes.

So if you ever have a reaction or if you're like, oh my God, this is the best, look at the top five ingredients except for water. If water's in there, add six. And see like what your body could really love or what your body could not like, so that you can just be a smarter shopper in the future.

Vicki: I love and the crowd goes wild. Oh my gosh. I just wanna talk about all day.

Coralie: I love talk. I, I just love talking about, you know, 'cause there's so many people that's like, oh, I love this product. Then you go try a product and it sucks for you. They're like, oh, I hate that product. So you avoid trying it for a long time and you finally do, you're like, wait a minute, I love it. And it's because everyone's different.

We have to figure out our body chemistry, right? So anyway, so that's my lu [00:26:00] PSA for the world. I wanna know, what do you wish people knew?

Vicki: I think for me the lu PSA is simply to try until you get the right one. I love the, I love what you said about getting smaller amounts, really allowing yourself to test things out, see what works for you, and that there's, there is no shame in the lube game. That is what I really, really wish that people knew, because I think that there is definitely stigma around it.

Amber: Yeah, and if you want to try smaller size bottles, we have 'em on our website, you guys. And guess what? We got a three pack. You could try all three out and pick your choice.

Vicki: Mm. I love that.

Coralie: Mm-hmm.

Amber: decide, you figure out which one's best for you., I would say my PSA is start with a little bit l like start small amounts and then add on. , Sometimes if you add a little bit too much, it's like, whoop, slips out wrong hole. You don't want that.

Vicki: Nobody likes surprise, anal.[00:27:00] 

Amber: So start gradually. Add a little bit more as you need it.

Vicki: Good tip.

Coralie: Surprise, surprise,

Vicki: No, no one's happy for that surprise party. I'm just saying. so forget diamonds ladies. Lube is a vulvas best friend.

Amber: If you're not moisturizing your vagina like you do your skin, it's time to start.

Coralie: Get curious, get comfy, get lubed up. You can shop our favorites in the show notes. And don't forget to bring your questions to our email, to our social media. We'd love to answer you. We're always here for it.

Amber: Thanks for pulling up a chair at our unapologetic brunch table today. If you enjoyed the conversation, don't forget to like, subscribe, and leave us a review. It's like tipping your server, but for podcasts. And hey, sign up for our weekly newsletter using the link in the show notes so you never miss the juiciest, most unfiltered [00:28:00] chats we're serving up.

Remember, brunch isn't just about the mimosas, it's about the authentic connection and keeping it unapologetically real. Until next time, let's keep the brunch vibes alive and the conversation flowing.