Episode: 33 - Sensory – Beyond the Fuzzy Handcuffs

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If you think sensory play stops at fuzzy handcuffs, buckle up. This episode is a deep dive (with a side of giggles) into the underrated power of touch, taste, sound, scent, and sight—plus all the naughty and nurturing ways to use them.

Whether you’re solo, partnered, or just toe-curious (yes, you read that right), we’re giving you the lowdown on how to turn on your senses—and why it doesn’t have to be kinky to be so damn good.

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Transcript

Amber: [00:00:00] If your idea of sensory play starts and ends with fuzzy handcuffs, you're missing out on so much more.

Vicki: From feathers to frozen spoons, tapping into your senses can unlock a whole new level of intimacy.

Coralie: And no, you don't need a dungeon or a partner to enjoy it.

Coralie: Welcome to Taboo Talks, not Safe for brunch where nothing is off the table. We're diving into real conversations about sex, relationships, and self-discovery with zero shame and a whole lot of sass. 

Vicki: With over 55 years of combined experience in the intimacy industry and plenty of real life lessons, we are here to break taboos, bust myths, and serve up unapologetic real world education, one brunch convo at a time. 

Coralie: I'm Coralie tuning in from Vancouver. I'm a married mom with one foot in the empty Nest club. My superpower is going deep down rabbit [00:01:00] holes and getting to the real root of things. 

Amber: And I'm Amber. I'm based in Ontario. I'm married. I'm a mom, a G Ma, and proudly blunt.

I cut through the fluff and get straight to what matters. 

Vicki: I'm Vicki and I'm from Manitoba. I'm divorced reentering the dating scene. I'm a mom to two grownups, and my magic is creating real connection because intimacy starts with trust. 

Coralie: Grab your mimosa, your matcha, or whatever turns you on, and let's dive in.

Vicki: All right, so let's talk about why sensory play works and why it's not just kinky. So sensory play is about intensifying, presence and deepening that connection, whether you're solo or you're partnered. What do you guys think? Sensory play. Yay, nay a

Amber: Oh, a hundred percent. Absolutely.

Coralie: Mm-hmm.

Amber: I mean, I was doing this before I even knew it was a thing.

Coralie: Me too. Me too.

Vicki: You're, you're like running to the kitchen for the hot cold,

Amber: Yeah, [00:02:00] like the ice cube.

Coralie: I would sit there in element, like I have memories of being grade like two, grade three, and I would pull my sleeve all the way up and just go up and down my arms really gently with my, and it just still I do it. It feels so good. I was a, apparently a kinky little third grader.

Vicki: Well, I don't, you know, I don't think it starts with kink though, right? Like, I think it starts with, kids twirl their hair or , they rub their head. And I think that that starts that way, but it becomes something that is. Soothing and comforting, and it makes them feel good. And it increases all of those great, um, hormones.

So I think that inadvertently it might start one way and it ends up being something that we incorporate in

our. Sex lives, right?

Coralie: Yeah.

Vicki: Activating the senses, touch, sound, sight, scent, taste, increases arousal and creates anticipation. So just like you said, right, we'd be running around looking for, what we can use.

And it's one of the reasons why I talk a lot with my clients about making sure that they're prepared with the right product. For the [00:03:00] right action so that they're not running to the refrigerators and picking something out of there that isn't necessarily what they should be putting inside their body.

Some things are fine, but some areas of your body not so much. You wanna be a little more careful about that. So we are curious creatures, period. End of story.

The brain is our biggest sex organ. How teasing and sensation change, how we process pleasure. All of these things are really important to how we experience. And it's not always about kink. It can be slow, gentle, emotionally grounding. It can look like anything that makes you feel good that's maybe outside of the norm a little bit.

Coralie: I think that's why it's so good for the brain because. As humans, we're always looking for patterns, right? So if this is, for example, this is touched, we know that's gonna be touched next. If someone's going up your thigh, for example, you know where it's gonna go. But if they switch direction, it's exciting, you know?

And your brain's like, [00:04:00] oh, what was that?

Vicki: what's going

on? That's also why, uh, blindfolds are so incredibly simple. Hot,

Amber: Ah, they're effective like crazy. You don't know what's coming next. You don't know where they're gonna touch blow lick. You have no idea, 

Vicki: Yeah. 

Mm-hmm. Absolutely. So what was your first wow moment with sensory play? Anyone dare to comment?

Amber: I think I mentioned it earlier, it was probably the ice. That was the, first thing that pops in my head that I had a wow moment of, oh my gosh, this is kind of cool. How can I reenact this? Or how can I do this different? Or, and then the teasing part, like just, you know, where they're getting close and then you stop getting close, and then you stop that. Amazing.

Vicki: good old fashioned edging.

Coralie: Yeah, mine's a little, uh, different.

Amber: Oh, I.

Coralie: Um, and I don't know that this [00:05:00] was the first experience, but it was the first one that I can think of where I was like, whoa. And I just wanna reiterate that everything was very clean when this happened, have you ever. Had your big toe sucked because let me tell you, it is freaking incredible.

Vicki: Really

Coralie: yes.

Vicki: we're going with a no on that.

Coralie: I, I challenge you. Make sure your feet are clean if you're the one, you know, whatever. And yeah, it an incredible feeling that you would never expect getting your big toe sucked. Like it's the closest thing I can think of, to a blowjob.

Vicki: Wow. Whoa.

Coralie: I mean, I don't have a penis, but I got a big toe.

Vicki: If I did,

Amber: So now we need a man to feel the big toe suck, plus the blowjob. And let, please let us know

Coralie: Yeah, you'd have to have a threesome because

Vicki: yes, or whatever.

Coralie: [00:06:00] you can't do the blow job and the toe suck unless he's bendy and sucking his own toe. Yeah. Whatever. Mm-hmm.

Amber: wouldn't be the same when you're doing it to yourself. It's not quite the

same. 

Vicki: No, it never is.

Oh my gosh. Thank you for saying that because I think that there are so many things where, you know, even in this trio, we're looking at it going. Yeah, no, never done that before. Right. Um, I think that saying those words are so important because it gives people that permission to go, oh yeah, that kind of thing that everybody thinks is freaky.

That I really, really like is okay. It's

fine. Yeah, it's 

Coralie: a foot person. I'm not into foot like this doesn't, this was something that happened. I was like 19 or 20, you know, and I was like, wow. And so it's not about a foot fetish thing. It was just a really unique sensation that I'd never experienced. Never expected, and it was so.

Arousing. So arousing. Mm-hmm.

Vicki: Yeah. How

about the shower curtain across your nipples when you're in the shower?

Coralie: I would [00:07:00] probably have a panic attack.

Vicki: You're like, did I like that?

Amber: I like that.

Vicki: Did I like that? Wait a minute. Try that again.

Coralie: I have a glass door, so I'd be concerned.

Vicki: Intentional. Too funny.

Amber: All right, so let's dive into your senses, and some of them may be products or items that you could be using to stimulate those. So touch, for example, feathers, floggers, massage, candles warming or cooling lubes, , silk scarves, shower curtains. If you're Vicki like.

Vicki: Whatever.

Amber: Right, I mean, touch is pretty, easy to you. You could find things around the house for, for touch, for sure.

Coralie: Mm-hmm.

Vicki: Yeah, absolutely. And again, I think that it's [00:08:00] underrated, what we have kicking around that could really engage some of those senses for us. For sure.

Coralie: Mm-hmm.

Amber: And then I think we mentioned like the temperature play, so like adding those ice cubes or, if you've never tried a, massage candle, they're really, really cool. They burn warm, you blow them out, and you pour them on. You get that heat. It absorbs nicely. You don't have the wax that you're pulling off unless you like that, and that's fine. But like metal toys and stuff like that, the glass toys that you could, temperature change are a really cool, effective way for that temperature play too.

Vicki: Yeah, thank you for saying that. There are a lot of people that really are sensitive about glass and whether or not, they want to use that, or metal, less. Triggering, I think, than glass. But the fact that you can run that under hot or cold water, you can really change things up. But also if you're with a partner, it's really nice when you've got a partner who wants to participate in some of this with you.

Right? Yeah.

Amber: Uh, [00:09:00] sound. So music, whispering words, silence for tension. Sound builds anticipation. So you know, you never know, especially when you add that blindfold and we're coming up to the site. But when you add that blindfold and then they whisper something or you hear something and you're not quite darn sure what the heck's going on,

Vicki: Mm-hmm.

Amber: that anticipation really builds.

Coralie: Yeah. And when you have like 

Vicki: it's building for me right now. Like I'm, I'm like, are we?

Coralie: Cool down, calm down. Calm down over there.

Vicki: I totally interrupted you. Co.

Coralie: Oh, I was just saying with sound, a sexy playlist,

Vicki: Mm.

Amber: Yeah.

Yeah. 

Coralie: If you play that playlist, like if that's your playlist, like we have one, it's called Naked Sunday, and it's been our playlist for years, and if I just start playing that, it's like Pavlov's dog, you know?

Oh, oh.

Vicki: Yeah. I love that. Yeah. On my Alexa, she's scheduled for sexy time. You just say sexy time, and boom, she's ready to go.[00:10:00] 

Amber: I love it. so site, like we mentioned, blindfolds. You could dim the lighting, you could add mirrors. So now you're looking, while you're doing stuff, outfits, sexy outfits, costumes, whatever you're into, that's a great way to incorporate sight, and really just change things up a little bit for what you, normally used to.

Coralie: Mm-hmm. I think with the site too, when you dim the lights, if you feel self-conscious.

Vicki: Mm.

Coralie: The lighting always helps, right, because in the dimmer light, everything just looks softer, so it can help with your brain too.

Amber: Yeah. smell. Scented massage oils, arousal enhancing pheromones, scented sheets, or even something that's scented on your partner. Oh my gosh. My husband has the most amazing shampoo right now. I am just like, he gets outta the shower and I'm like, damn. Like we have to buy and it's dove. I'm [00:11:00] like, we need to buy this men's dove shampoo over and over again because you who, you're never stopping that.

taste. You could add flavored lubes, blind taste testing, you know, encourage that. Uh, tongue action. Different places. You could put something on two places. Tell your partner there's three and they're gonna keep on searching. Right? That adds that curiosity. The little fun to it. I don't know. I think that's super fun.

Coralie: That's my game.

I swear six spots. Keep looking.

Vicki: Yep, totally. And the flavored lubricants, like, I just think there's a lot of our flavored lubricants too that are really great for oral. Pick your favorite flavor. We've got everything. My favorite is creme brulee in case anyone's asking come on creme brulee. Yes, please.

Coralie: So let's talk about making it playful and low pressure. We like low pressure. We're not high pressure here. So [00:12:00] remember, sensory play, it doesn't have to be sexual right away. It can start with curiosity and comfort, and that's where I think for the things that you might necessarily be stepping outside of your comfort zone for, that's where those little tiny steps can really help because they kind of break away the barrier, which is.

For example, when I'm talking to one of my clients about initiating, about her being the initiator in their relationship, it can be really hard. At first, I'll be like, why don't you send a text instead of saying something? Right? So I think this is the same way because a text, they're sending a text that it's still sensory, they're reading it, they're seeing it, it's turning their brain.

You know what I mean? So it can just be. Little tiny things. Or if you're watching a show and they're doing something like, Ooh, what do you think about that? Or if you're in your house and you touch this blanket that maybe you've never touched before and never like thought of it this way, and you rub it on your honey, you're like, oh my God, don't you?

You know what I mean? Like it can just start with those little things to test the water, see what you like, what your partner likes. And it can really be [00:13:00] great for reigniting intimacy when you're in a rut. And if you've never been in a rut in your relationship, you probably have been in a very short relationship because everyone gets into a rut every now and then, and that's where you bring the spark back is by doing those different things, not making things so predictable and sensory play can really.

You know, bring metal together. So, and if you're not in a relationship, that's okay because we have these beautiful things called our own bodies, and we can do things like, create a bath ritual. The day we're filming this, there's actually a full moon tonight. I'm having a full beautiful bath tonight.

My husband's on night shift, or he's on day shift, but he'll be asleep. It's gonna be my whole bath ritual. You know what I mean? Like, you can do those things and it doesn't even have to turn into something sexy. It's. Just about the sensory and the enjoying your body and enjoying those, sensations. Do you guys do anything solo, like just for sensory play?

Not necessarily meaning it's going for masturbation or an orgasm or anything after, but [00:14:00] do you ever do anything just for like the sensation of it, like now as adults?

Vicki: That's so funny, you said, do you ever do I'm like, I do everything solo. What are you talking about? I'm a fan of, of a bath ritual. I'm not in there for very long, but I am a fan of that. You know, here's something else, and this sounds ridiculous, but at the end of every night, I boil water and I have. A little decaf, Earl Gray and oat milk, and I just sit and I enjoy it and I just, that time alone for me, phenomenal. Just phenomenal.

Amber: I'm going back to the bath thing because that's what I do. That's my thing. I will dim the lights, I will light some candles. And generally like I might play on my phone, but I'll try and just close my eyes and just be.

And you know, you're in the, you have the scent of the salts [00:15:00] like that?

Yeah, definitely a hundred percent. I'm that bath person.

Coralie: Mm-hmm. Another thing you could do too, solo, just to, get more into the vibe of sensory plays if you get outta the bath or shower and you moisturize right afterwards, what do we do? No. You are gonna go slow. You're gonna like really just go real and just pay attention and go slow and be in the moment.

And I think that just leads to a much more satisfying lotion application.

Vicki: I agree. Um, you know what? I am gonna tell you what I was gonna tell you before,

Coralie: Yeah. Tell me everything.

Vicki: every single day. I put enhancement gel on my body. We all know where every day I wake up, I do my thing, I get ready for the day. Boom. That is the last thing that happens. I just do. I want to make sure that everything just stays alive.

Amber: I love [00:16:00] it.

Coralie: Kind of freaking genius. I'm gonna do an experiment for a 

Amber: I can't believe you held out on us like I

Coralie: Yeah, we've.

Wonder your energy.

Vicki: Too funny. We wonder why I don't. Yeah, I mean, I just think it started, and I'll be honest, it started, when I was first, separated and I remember thinking to myself. I can't let this part of me go away. And I remember after a few weeks of not being intimate, I was worried and, I was afraid that my body was gonna forget.

And I, these are the things that we tell ourselves in the trauma that we're

in, in the moment. Right. And I, it just became a habit. I just would, you know, a little dabble. Do you?

Amber: I, I love it. Like, I'm like, man, should I start this ritual? Like I feel,

Vicki: I mean, it doesn't last long, right? We know

that, the effects of of [00:17:00] using an enhance magel or cream, it's temporary, but it does put a little bit of a spring in your step. It does sort of help you step into the world a little bit differently. I feel like it does make you just a little more open to life and, and it feels good.

So we should be feeling good.

Coralie: Mm-hmm. I love that. Damn. Okay. Everyone that's listening, you have a one week challenge every day for a week. Let's all compare notes after. No, I'm doing that.

Vicki: Coral's writing it down

Coralie: I am. Yeah. Not um, this week though. I got company coming to town.

Vicki: next, next time,

Coralie: Yeah.

Vicki: the week after for you.

Coralie: Yeah. So let's talk about some things you can do, with a partner to explore this area.

So, one really great idea is to use a sensation menu to learn what each other person enjoys. So you could have a menu and, you know, maybe we'll create this as like a download. 'cause I think this would be really easy to create, would be a menu that just has different [00:18:00] options.

And then you and your partner. Can play around with it and just experiment and see what you like and what you don't like. And, um, that would be so fun.

Amber: I wanted to quickly interrupt here and let you know that we did in fact create a free download that'll allow you to decipher what you want for sensory play, what's good for you, what's not good for you. It's a checklist so that you can try out all different things, and it's a free digital download right on our website.

Make sure you check the link in the show notes or head on over to not safe for brunch.com. And we hope you enjoy your free digital download now back to the show.

Vicki: Yeah, You're gonna walk into my door and you're gonna get like a clipboard with your menu options. Like when you go to a fancy hotel, what do you want for breakfast? What do you wanna have for dinner?

Coralie: Yeah. Yeah. I love that. You can also, this one's kind of funny because. [00:19:00] Vicki has been doing this for a while in a roundabout way, but you can use timers to give and receive without interruptions, which is very similar to your commercial sex game. The commercial is the timer,

Vicki: Yes,

Coralie: which is when you only fool around during the commercials, and then you can't when the show's on.

So listen to other episodes. Vicki, Vicki's9 

Vicki: for Prime to give you no commercials. That's

bullshit. 

Coralie: Mm-hmm. Yes. And then also too, another fun thing could be like, yes, no, maybe games with new textures and tools , but always start small, work your way up. And this is also a really good way to practice making sure that you and your partner understand each other when it comes to, consent and making sure that it's all good and enjoyable, because the consent is essential.

Essential in all aspects of sex, but especially in sensory play as well, where sometimes that sensory can be a little, a little sloppy, so safe words are important, very [00:20:00] important. So,

Vicki: Another great way to introduce some sensory play is to play a little game of. Uh, afraid or intrigued.

So if you have some, if

you've got some tools kicking around at home, , that you've purchased or maybe that you're, pulling from other areas of the home, you literally can have a conversation of does this make you feel intrigued or afraid and run with that. You can kind of create that sensation menu. And of course, keep in mind that that sensation menu can change. And that's why

I, when I said, you know, I'm gonna slap that onto a clipboard, and when you walk in the door, it's gonna be like, how's the night gonna go down? Because one night versus another night could look different, right?

We may desire a different sensation. So I think that's

important to remember. 

Your senses are your most underrated sex toys. Use them.

Amber: Whether it's a feather, a frozen spoon, or your partner's whisper, turn up the volume on pleasure with sensation.

Coralie: And remember, play is the point. You don't have to perform, you just need to explore. And we will link [00:21:00] a few fun starter ideas in the show notes for you.

Amber: Thanks for pulling up a seat at the Taboo Talk. Not Safe for Brunch Table. If today's chat made you laugh, think squirm, or all three. Do us a solid like follow and leave a review. It's basically the podcast world's version of a good tip. 

Vicki: Want more juicy, unfiltered conversations? Tap the link in the show notes and sign up for our weekly newsletter.

Your VIP pass to what didn't make it on the air. 

Coralie: Brunch isn't just about the bites and bubbles, it's about showing up real raw and ready to talk about what really matters. So until next time, keep it bold, keep it curious, and definitely keep it not safe for brunch.