Episode: 40 - From Rage to Radiance: How Your Cycle Shapes Desire, Energy & Connection

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Ever feel like your sex drive, mood, and energy are on a rollercoaster? Spoiler: it’s not random, it’s your cycle. In this episode of Taboo Talks: Not Safe for Brunch, Amber, Coralie, and Vicki unpack how each phase of your cycle impacts intimacy, connection, and confidence. From cramps and cravings to ovulation glow and PMS snark, nothing’s off the table.

Whether you’re menstruating, in perimenopause, or post-menopausal, this convo will help you see your body (and your partner’s reactions) in a whole new light.

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Transcript

Coralie: [00:00:00] Ever wonder why one week you feel like the bomb and the next week you feel like a cave troll in sweatpants. Why? Sometimes you're ready to jump your partner and other times you just wanna punch him in the face.

Coralie: Spoiler alert, it's not random. Your cycle might be running the show.

Coralie: Welcome to Taboo Talks, not Safe for brunch where nothing is off the table. We're diving into real conversations about sex, relationships, and self-discovery with zero shame and a whole lot of sass. 

Vicki: With over 55 years of combined experience in the intimacy industry and plenty of real life lessons, we are here to break taboos, bust myths, and serve up unapologetic.

Vicki: Real world education, one brunch convo at a time. 

Coralie: I'm Coralie tuning in from Vancouver. I'm a married mom with one foot in the Empty Nest club. My superpower is going deep down rabbit holes and getting to the real root of things. 

Amber: And I'm Amber. I'm based in Ontario. I'm married. I'm a [00:01:00] mom, a gma. And proudly blunt, I cut through the fluff and get straight to what matters.

Vicki: I'm Vicki and I'm from Manitoba. I'm divorced reentering the dating scene. I'm a mom to two grownups, and my magic is creating real connection because intimacy starts with trust. 

Coralie: Grab your mimosa, your matcha, or whatever turns you on, and let's dive in.

Vicki: Today we're diving into how different phases of the menstrual cycle affect not just your sex drive, but your mood, your energy, and even how social you feel.

Amber: We will break it down phase by phase, period, ovulation, premenstrual, and share what the science says plus our own experiences.

Coralie: Okay, so let's just get into it. We have a lot to cover today. So let's start with talking about the first two stages of your cycle, and that is your menstrual cycle. So when you start your period and the early follicular. Stage of your cycle. So at this point, so think of day one [00:02:00] as the day you start your period, like your doctor says, if you get pregnant, day one is day one.

Coralie: That's when your hormones are at their absolute lowest. Your estrogen, your everything is just low. And so that's when you can experience a lower libido. You can feel more tired, sluggish, you can be more irritated. That's when gonna punch you in. The face comes in. We also get, you know, cramps. And if you've, if you're a man you've never had cramps, go to one of those shows where they put them on, put the machine on you because they're brutal.

Coralie: Menstrual cramps, mood dips. And it can be harder to concentrate. You can get a lot of brain fog, fun fact probably you're not, probably not feeling it as much, but having an orgasm can kind of relieve some of those cramps and some of that bad mood. And then if you're willing to go, even. Further with that, you could have period sex.

Coralie: Some people do totally up to you, but you're going to have natural lubrication. You [00:03:00] can have pain relief from it. And we also have these really cool blankets. On our website that are easy to clean.

Coralie: They're for liquids, so it's perfect. , But some people do that when they're on their period because it helps relieve the pain. Some people really enjoy it, and everyone's different. And then when you're done your period and you're in that early follicular stage of your cycle. That is when your estrogen starts to rise again and suddenly the world seems to be on its axis again, and you're like, oh, everything's great.

Coralie: Your libido's gonna start to rise. So with the better mood and you know, slow climbing the libido, you're hitting your later follicular stage. So while your period might feel like it's the low point, it's also kind of a reset button

Coralie: and things start to look up as estrogen rises, which brings us to the next phase, which is where everything really kicks in. But first I wanna know, you guys, do you treat your period if you still get one as a time to rest? Or do you try to push through as if nothing's happening? And I will [00:04:00] say post-menopausal, you still have a cycle that you're working through.

Coralie: So.

Amber: Who has time to rest? I'm like, what? Life just doesn't stop. One week every month. Come on now. I just pushed through. I pushed through it.

Coralie: I, I push through if I have to. But I know me, and I know if I don't rest when my body is telling me to rest, that I'm gonna burnout. So it just kind of depends on the month and how much is on my plate. And I've been tracking my period for seven years now, just so that I can watch this menopause thing, see some stats on it.

Coralie: And now , I don't even know if it's coming or not, but. I really do try and pay attention to my body. When my body needs rest, I move around as much as I can so that I can listen to it because I am the most important person in my life.

Vicki: So, uh, I am our post-menopausal girly, seven, eight years, something like that. I've only just recently started to pay [00:05:00] really close attention to the fact that. I am still running a cycle. I do still have cravings. I definitely have increases and decreases in libido. Quite fascinated by it when I did get my period. I had endometriosis, so it wasn't normal. Yes, life did stop sometimes for way more than a week out of the month. It literally was a disability for me, and, I had, I had no choice but to rest because I physically couldn't. Walk. That's a bit of a difference. Obviously, that's not the norm, but I definitely recognize the need to rest and the older I get, the more I'm able to do that. Sort of give myself those periods of rest.

Vicki: I do think that's important.

Coralie: Mm-hmm. And I think also too, like one of the reasons that I find it really easy to adjust my life, if that. Happens is because most of my work is sitting on a computer, right? It's not like I have to go work in a warehouse or do something really physical so I can get a heat [00:06:00] pad or something and take care of myself and still get the necessities taken care of.

Vicki: Yep.

Coralie: Mm-hmm.

Vicki: it, but when the kids were small, you know, I'm

Coralie: Oh, so much harder.

Vicki: stop. There's no, there's,

Coralie: Yeah.

Vicki: opportunity to rest. You would fight through everything to get to the other side,

Coralie: Yeah. Yeah, when my kids were small, I wasn't even paying attention to that. Like, I didn't really realize how cyclical everything was until I was mid to late thirties. And I think some of that too is like being on birth control pills, you're, you know, it's gonna kind of adjust to your feelings and stuff.

Coralie: But it wasn't until I was mid to late thirties that I was like, oh, wait,

Vicki: Yeah.

Coralie: before I get my period, I have one day where I wanna kill every person in my path. And then I have a day where I'm going to eat everything in my path. I'll eat this microphone, and then I have a day where I'm crying all day and I think nobody likes me and everyone's pretending to be my friend.

Coralie: And then my period comes and I was like, oh, every month. Okay. Okay.[00:07:00] 

Amber: Why so?

Coralie: You're just running right? Like you're busy, you can't pay attention. It, like, when I was mid to late thirties, my youngest was, almost at the end of elementary school going into high school. So things were kind of slowing down in some aspects. So I think we don't really have as much of an opportunity when we're younger.

Coralie: I, the younger generation's doing it better as they always do, but yeah.

Vicki: They are. I also have to say that for me, and probably because I was so sick during my years of menstruating, was so grateful with menopause because for me, the rage went away. I hear women talk about that rage all the time. We talked about it a lot in our group chat. But. That rage again, that goes right back to my give a fuck meter.

Vicki: And it's, is just calm and relaxed and I take everything in stride. And I wish that I had managed that or had been given an opportunity to understand that [00:08:00] better when I had young children at home and when, when I was married, maybe it might have helped. I don't know.

Coralie: Totally. And I know we're not really going into HRT during this episode, but I mean, I've shared with you guys, I might've shared it on a different episode. I started HRT four months ago and about two months into that and I started for hot flashes 'cause I couldn't sleep. And six, eight weeks in, I just realized I'm.

Coralie: Emotionally calm. I've been on this even keel, I feel like I've ovulated every single day. That sort of calmness. I'm not talking about the arousal, but I'm talking about feeling good.

Amber: Yeah.

Coralie: I was like, wow. I had forgotten it had been at least a decade since I had felt that sort of stability.

Vicki: Yeah.

Coralie: yeah.

Vicki: a great segue into ovulation. Let's

Coralie: Yeah. Let's.

Vicki: So the ovulation phase, when we're peaking is a time when our estrogen is surging. Our progesterone is a little lower. And that means that [00:09:00] for most people or for a lot of women, we can have a peaked libido. Everything is just sort of flying along a little smoother. There are some studies that women flirt more, they feel sexier and they dress differently when they're ovulating. True story. story. When we feel good, we look good. When we look good, we feel good. And ovulation is the time when we feel often our best, partners will notice. scent behavior. We just have some different shifts around ovulation that happen that are visible and physical. We also have, an energy and a confidence peak of course, because again, the stars are aligning in our body. The stars are aligning. It's the equivalent to everything just falling into place. And we're often, our most social and outgoing and magnetic people are drawn to us. People talk about some women have an aura. This is what we're talking about. This is what's being created. And the woman that we broke. We bring to the table during this time. And of course my [00:10:00] favorite is, your orgasms may feel stronger and your arousal may be higher. Again, that is just everything aligning and making sure that, of course, the purpose of ovulation is pregnancy and that's how our bodies have been created.

Amber: anybody else want to just, set up their social calendar to when you're ovulating?

Coralie: Well,

Vicki: That's a good idea.

Coralie: I do that.

Vicki: go out this.

Amber: That's the week that I'm going out and doing

Coralie: Yeah.

Amber: Other than that, I'm socializing with nobody.

Coralie: Yeah. I do, but kind of, I look at my social calendar and see when I'm supposed to get my period, and I really try not to plan things in like that period week and the couple days before and after, because I know I'm just not gonna be feeling my best. Like if I can, if I can. Of course I'm a human. I do things I don't wanna do.

Coralie: Sometimes on the days I don't wanna do it. Like I want things I wanna do on a day. I don't wanna do it. But yeah, I do that.

Vicki: I love that. I, you know, honestly, I think that during this, the years of menstruating, I was so sick. I wasn't social,[00:11:00] 

Coralie: Yeah,

Vicki: out, I didn't do anything. I stayed home all the time. 'cause sometimes I had my period for 30 days. So it wa it just was what it was. So,

Amber: Sounds awful.

Vicki: It was awful.

Vicki: It was really awful. And I think that's why in this stage of my life, I'm so ecstatic because you'll see me doing all the things because 99.9% of the time, I feel pretty damn good. Even being post-menopausal and having all of the things that go along with menopause. like to look at my menopause as a gift of having such a horrible, young person, young woman's life when it came to pain and discomfort and being able to enjoy.

Vicki: So, yeah. I love the idea though, of honoring your cyclical calendar and doing the things when it feels right. I think that's a brilliant idea. I love

Coralie: Can I just share something that I learned recently about this cycle? . So I was studying the moon cycle and comparing the moon cycle to my period. To see when I have my period compared to where the moon is, and [00:12:00] I almost always start my period on a new moon.

Coralie: Almost always. That's the week. Right?

Amber: Interest.

Coralie: so historically, in ancient, ancient times when they were first studying this,, what they noticed is that most people got their period on the new moon. 'cause the full moon is when they were ovulating.

Coralie: 'cause the full moon is when the crops do the best because they have the most light. And so the theory was that's when women were ovulating. 'cause they got their period at the new Moon. Were ovulating at the full moon. But some women got their period on the full moon and they were called the healers because they had their period on the full moon.

Coralie: So they could comfort and help. Everyone who had their period on the New Moon. I just thought that was so fascinating. And so I've been tracking my period compared to the moon cycle. Like it's wild.

Vicki: Coral, that's so witchy.

Coralie: I, I know.

Vicki: I. Too funny. Well, ovulation is basically [00:13:00] nature's way of turning up the volume. It turns up our confidence, our energy, our sex drive. But once that egg is gone, hormones shift again, and that's when things get interesting. Maybe

Amber: Okay, so now we're gonna dive into the luteal premenstrual phase. So, progesterone rises. Calming for some libido, lowering for others. this is that premenstrual phase, and I feel like everybody's a little bit different. I'm going through these and I'm like, yeah, it's not quite me. .

Coralie: Mm-hmm.

Amber: PM. These are symptoms, bloating, cramps, mood swings, anxiety, fatigue. These are things that are happening before. Do we even have good weeks? Like we have one good OV week, right? So our sexual interest may dip at this time, but some crave comfort, closeness. And of course that can also lead to sex, or that's what they want, that they crave, that closeness, that intercourse , emotional reactivity [00:14:00] and food cravings peak. All right, so you're a little reactive. You ever notice, like you snap

Coralie: Yeah.

Amber: sometimes , especially my husband, my poor husband, I love him to pieces, but he'll be like, holy. And I'm like, what? I just said this. And he goes, it's not what you said, it's how you said it

Vicki: All the time.

Amber: in the. your energy drops before your period begins, so if you notice you're getting tired, you don't have much energy. This is all part of our lovely cycle.

Coralie: Another interesting fact to add, you know me. So men go through a hormonal cycle as well. We have ours, ours is 28 days. They go through the same cycle every 24 hours. So if you pay attention to your man, their testosterone is highest in the morning, morning wood, right? They're, progesterone, I believe it is, is lowest in the evening.

Coralie: They get crabbier, it's the same thing. They just go through it every day. So they have a good, [00:15:00] a good four hours every day.

Amber: what I.

Vicki: Wow.

Amber: you imagine doing this every day?

Coralie: No, I like my month. I'll stick to it like it's a little, yeah.

Amber: I now, I'm not so.

Vicki: Right. I'm like, I'm gonna have a little more grace for the men in my life. Maybe

Coralie: Yeah, just kind of pay attention when they're happy. When they're bitchy, you are like, oh, he's on his period these hours,

Coralie: four to seven. He's on his every day.

Amber: I feel like I heard this before, but

Coralie: Yeah. And I do think that it's not gonna be exactly the same. 'cause like you were saying about this, like your cycle doesn't line up with this same, here. I feel great for about a week after I ovulate. When I ovulate. Sometimes I'm like, was it, was it Jane or was it Lily? I don't know who let the egg go, but I feel better.

Amber: Well, and that's just it, right? And for me, I'm like time of my actual period, I don't, I feel fine

Coralie: Yeah.

Amber: of the fact that [00:16:00] I'm bleeding like a motherfucker, but I feel fine.

Coralie: Yeah, no, I mind the three days before my period are awful. I'm generally okay on my period, like I'm just a little more introverted and don't really wanna go out, I feel okay, but the fatigue hits in for me. It's like the last two days of my period and then three days after I'm so tired, I'm just done, you know.

Amber: the whole week before mine. Like

Coralie: Right. And so that doesn't line up 'cause it's saying right after your period you're in premenstrual. And that's not me. So I'm gonna assume that men, like they, they gotta figure out their own variations. 'cause every body is a different body,

Amber: Everyone's a little bit different.

Coralie: Yep.

Amber: Yep. So the luteal phase is kind of the wild card. Some people want connection and comfort. Others just want everyone to leave them alone until their period shows up. So that, I guess that's kind of me.

Coralie: Yeah, and I bet you can go back and forth too, like one month you're like, I want closeness. And the next month you're like FTW. Everyone

Vicki: Yeah. No wonder. No wonder your husbands are.[00:17:00] 

Coralie: I know, poor.

Amber: so off. He was like my husband last night. He goes, what's wrong with you? You seem just crabby or whatever. I'm like, huh, I'm fine. I'm fine. And then he, out to walk the dog and I cleaned up the kitchen and my granddaughter's sitting there and she's like. Why are you angry? And I'm like, I'm just doing dishes and putting stuff away. She goes, you're stomping and you're very, I wasn't feeling it

Coralie: You're letting it go and letting it be everyone else.

Vicki: It's so crazy

Amber: yesterday. Yesterday.

Vicki: funny

Amber: what's your go-to coping strategy the week before your period or any time that throughout your cycle that you're like not good? Do you lean into comfort or do you try fighting the symptoms?

Coralie: I am gonna lean in always. I'm gonna lean into whatever my body is instinctually telling me I need. I'm gonna do that as much as possible, and I feel really passionate [00:18:00] about it. I think because I didn't know how to listen to myself and listen to my body for so long that I'm like, this is what I need and I'm going to lean into what I need at this moment as much as I can, as much as it doesn't disrupt anyone else's life.

Vicki: I would say if I'm being retrospective, I definitely fought it all the way, and I think it was just because I was so sick, I didn't have a choice. Life had to carry on, and I was the one who had to suffer. So I fought my way to, you know, the end of every day,

Coralie: Yeah,

Vicki: the month.

Coralie: and I would say before I understood my body, I was doing that too.

Vicki: Yeah,

Coralie: Right? Yeah.

Amber: I,

Vicki: Now,

Amber: fighting it.

Vicki: you're still.

Coralie: Yeah.

Amber: I'm still fighting it. And then, because I'm just realizing. Just in the last year or so, I've really realized like, oh, this is happening. And it's almost like you go through your cycle, you forget, and then it comes back and

Coralie: Right.

Amber: why have I been so angry for three days?

Amber: And then it comes, oh yeah, that's right. Why do we forget? Is it like childbirth where you just forget that it was so painful? Like, is it.

Coralie: Yeah. You know what?[00:19:00] 

Vicki: the gift. That's the gift.

Coralie: Yeah. And I don't know. When we finally clue in, it's like, oh. And I loved the time when everyone hates me. Everyone's just pretending to be my friend. Nobody likes me. And I remember the first time I went, oh no, it's me. I'm the problem. My period is being a bitch.

Coralie: She's coming. And I just remember feeling this a big sense of relief, oh, I'm understanding myself better. I'm understanding my body better, and yeah.

Amber: Yeah.

Vicki: I think, um, something really interesting and you said it earlier, you know, the younger generation are doing it better. My daughter used to come home at the end of her day when she was in school, when she was in university, when she was working and we lived together, she would come home at the end of the day.

Vicki: She would sit down. Do nothing for one hour. She would completely disconnect, maybe sitting on her phone. And I never understood it. I always sat and thought, are, what's happening here? There's [00:20:00] 5,000 things we need to do. What are you doing? She was honoring that piece of herself that needed that rest at the end of the day.

Vicki: And there's that piece of me that is inspired by that. Now.

Coralie: Right.

Vicki: it now. I understand.

Coralie: Yeah.

Vicki: makes so much sense. I'm so glad she did that, you know?

Coralie: Mm-hmm.

Amber: So what's the biggest takeaway? Your sex drive and moods aren't random. They're closely linked to hormone shifts across your cycle.

Vicki: Some phases bring energy and confidence, and others bring rest and introspection.

Coralie: Yep. No two people are the same. And the point as always is knowledge and awareness gives you the power. 

Vicki: So if you're curious, try tracking your cycle for a month. Note your sex drive, energy and mood. You might be surprised at the patterns.

Amber: And if you do, tell us about it. We'd love to hear your stories.

Coralie: And don't forget to subscribe. Share the episode with a friend and tune in next week.

Amber: Thanks for pulling up a seat at the Taboo Talk. Not Safe for Brunch Table. If today's chat made you laugh, think squirm, or all [00:21:00] three. Do us a solid like follow and leave a review. It's basically the podcast world's version of a good tip.

Vicki: Want more juicy, unfiltered conversations? Tap the link in the show notes and sign up for our weekly newsletter.

Vicki: Your VIP pass to what didn't make it on the air. 

Coralie: Brunch isn't just about the bites and bubbles, it's about showing up real raw and ready to talk about what really matters. So until next time, keep it bold, keep it curious, and definitely keep it not safe for brunch.