Episode: 46 - Bedroom Blunders: The Dangers of Rough Sex

In this episode of Taboo Talks, Not Safe for Brunch, Coralie, Amber, and Vicki dive into a listener's nightmare scenario: accidentally injuring a partner's penis during sex. They break down why such injuries happen, how porn sets unrealistic expectations, and which positions are riskiest. The hosts offer practical strategies for maintaining fun, creative, and safe sex lives, emphasizing the importance of communication and proper use of lube. They also address listener questions about condoms and risky sexual moves, making it clear that pleasure should never come at the cost of safety.

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Transcript

Amber: [00:00:00] today's episode comes straight from the inbox and oof. This one made me clinch. One of you wrote about the nightmare scenario accidentally injuring a partner's penis, mids sex. The scream, the flop, the instant vibe killer, definitely a total buzz kill. Now don't panic. No permanent damage was done, but it raised such a solid point.

Sex can get risky, especially when porn convinces us that jackhammering is normal and bouncing like we're training for the Olympics is sexy. So today we're breaking it all down, penis near misses. Which positions a riskier and how to keep things hot and safe because nobody wants date night turning into an ER field trip

Coralie: Welcome to Taboo Talks, not [00:01:00] Safe for brunch where nothing is off the table. 

I'm Corley tuning in from Vancouver. I'm a married mom with one foot in the Empty Nest club. My superpower is going deep down rabbit holes and getting 

to the real root of things. 

Amber: And I'm Amber. I'm based in Ontario. I'm married. I'm a mom, a gma. And proudly blunt, I cut through the fluff and 

get straight to what matters.

Vicki: I'm Vicki and I'm from Manitoba. I'm divorced reentering the dating scene. I'm a mom to two grownups, and my magic is creating real connection because intimacy starts with trust. 

Coralie: Grab your mimosa, your matcha, or whatever turns you on, and let's dive in.

Vicki: Okay, so what happens when things go wrong? Why it happens and how porn sets us up for unrealistic risks. So penis fractures aren't actually bone breaks 'cause it's not a bone. But they are real injuries. It's when the erectile tissue tears, it usually is with a loud pot and [00:02:00] instant pain. It's

Amber: This sounds awful.

Vicki: Yeah, 

Coralie: So.

Amber: I would hate to.

Vicki: yeah, thankfully it's rare, ladies. It's rare. , But it's definitely memorable and not in a good way. So that for sure does not sound like anything anybody wants to be a part of. And nor nor do we wanna. Be the person who is involved in that and maybe, you know, we zigged when we should have zagged or, whatever that looks like.

So we'll talk more about that. But so our listener though, isn't alone. Misaligned, thrust, sudden slips, or high speed bouncing on top. They're the classic culprits guys. And I think porn puts a lot of pressure on us. There's rough thrusting, fast riding. It may look hot on screen, but performers often, they, they cut all the takes.

There's tons of shit on the floor, right? That cutting room floor, it's full. They're not using everything. So they control the angles. They fake intensity for effect. Real bodies don't have stunt doubles, so I [00:03:00] think it sets us up for a little bit of failure. There's also a shared responsibility here.

This is not just one partner that has to take on the safety aspect. So whether you're on top or on the bottom switching positions, communication, awareness, they really are key. They matter. Think of it like steering a car, both hands on the wheel. I think that's a really important factor.

Amber: So how sexual anxiety sets in after an injury or scare and how to move past it. And this is a real thing, right? Because once you've done something like this or this has happened to you, your, your body is naturally gonna go, oh,

Vicki: Yeah.

Amber: mind is gonna be like, should we try this again? You know what I mean?

The mental replay, once you've. I heard the scream and seen the wince. It's hard to forget that anxiety on top equals tension, less natural movement, and even less enjoyment, right? Because you're playing it super safe at this point.

Vicki: [00:04:00] Yeah.

Amber: trust and communication's huge. So if a partner encourages rough sex or risky moves, it's okay to say not at that speed, or let's slow it down.

Confidence grows from feeling safe. So you can always speed it up, slow it down, but open communication, rebuilding your confidence. Start slow more controlled positions, experiment with pace before intensity, and humor. Totally something that can definitely help when something like this happens. We've survived that one, right?

Just laugh it off if you can.

And then porn detox. Listen, if porn habits are fueling risky, expectations take a break. Real life sex is allowed to look totally different.

Vicki: Yeah. So I had a client once who, she literally zigged when he's zagged and she tore [00:05:00] from, vagina to backside and, that entire perineal area, ended them in the er. And I'll never forget. The discomfort in her eyes when she told me this story, and I mean that as you said, Amber, when you're, that affects your brain and it affects how you respond to any kind of action like that. I also think it's really risky, especially when you're trying something new or anal. And I think it's really, really risky to, look at porn and decide that you are going to try to mimic that. I think that we all need to understand our limitations and that is not meant to be pounding it out the way we see as seen on tv, right?

That is just, that's nobody's business. Nobody should be doing that. I shouldn't say nobody that's very judgmental, but I just mean, you know, you wanna be really cognizant Of your energy and what you're engaging in. I always had a rule. No anal, no anal on vacation. I think that's the best rule.

[00:06:00] You never know what kind of healthcare, you have in place. You don't wanna end up in a hospital in Mexico. Like, it just, it just makes sense. Like just be really mindful of what you're doing and where you're doing it, and how risky you're willing to be and what your location is. I think that's a good rule.

Just be really, really mindful.

Coralie: when you know, you were saying like nobody does that. Wait a minute. Some people do do that. I think the reason we get into that is because there's things in porn that you think everyone does it. You think every woman has an orgasm from sex. You think every woman wants to be jack hammered.

You think every woman wants a cum shot on her face and the That's what, that's not what most women want. Yes, there are some that do, but I think a lot of us feel frustration about the fact that. The way it's portrayed. It's like that's what we're all like, oh, please daddy, please, when that's not the case.

Vicki: Yeah, exactly. I think I find it most frustrating, when, because again, I think that the majority of women aren't [00:07:00] necessarily, having an orgasm from penis and vagina, and that when it's so quick and whatever, I think everything needs to be slowed down a little bit, but you're gonna find your partners. Place, but slow it down. It's not, it doesn't, it's not a race. It's not a race.

Coralie: Right. And if it is you, you wanna be the one that gets the gold.

Vicki: That's right. I wanna cross that finish first and maybe a couple

Coralie: Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, so let's talk pleasure without the panic at the disco. Okay. We are gonna talk practical strategies for keeping sex, fun, creative, and safe after a near miss. So first of all, shift the script instead of obsessing over. Don't do this, don't do that. Flip the focus on what does feel good and what does feel safe if you're exploring new angles, body pillows, or even slower paced grinding can bring intimacy back without the same results.

So it's kind of like baby steps back. Think about it, like an example I can recently give for [00:08:00] my own life is I tore my A CLA couple years ago. Do not think every time I'm stepping down on something, I'm thinking about that. You know what I mean? And so it makes you kind of tense and cautious and it's only with the slow repetition that it starts to dissipate a bit. That's a good one. Sensory diversions. So penetration doesn't have to be the star of the show every time. Hands, mouth, toys. These can all keep like the heat, heaten in while given penises a safer rule for a bit. Or in the case of the scenario, Vicki was talking about the whole perineum area. You know, it keeps everything safe. So think of it like expanding the menu instead of limiting it. It's just like a slow expansion. And this one, I love the lube love letter. Like I have this sign here. It says, all you need is love. I always joke that I need to change that to lube because we can't hype it enough. Lube is your best friend. It reduces friction, helps with gliding, but you wanna be careful because using too much lube can is what can create that like [00:09:00] super slipperiness where accidents can happen. So. You know, use your lube, but don't go insane.

Pay attention to your body what you're doing. Think about when that mistake happened, what was happening then, what position were you in? What lube were you using?

Vicki: Yeah, there's nothing worse. That one time he

Coralie: Yeah, right. 'cause a lot of times too, that ends up in the wrong hole moment and

Vicki: That's right.

Amber: Yeah. Yeah.

Vicki: surprise that no

wants. 

Coralie: No, not a surprise. No. So you can take it and turn safety into sexiness. You know, just wear an orange safety vest. I'm just kidding. But that would be hot.

Vicki: Wait a minute.

Coralie: She's like, wait, I have one. Yes,

Vicki: totally.

Coralie: I'm on the safety committee today.

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Coralie: So communication isn't just checking in. It can be part of your foreplay. So whispering, like, tell me how you like it. And I know I sound so sexy right now. Like, extra. Tell me how you like it or guide me. It not only prevents accidents, but it amps up the intimacy.

So sexy. Safety is a [00:11:00] thing, and remember that you can do some resets. So if your nerves start to creep in mids sex, like generally, that's gonna make you tense up, right? You're gonna be start to feel stressed. You're gonna tense up, which is the opposite of what you want. So have a reset button, like switch to oral or cuddle for a bit, or maybe just hand play, but get into something else so that you guys can enjoy each other and not spiral into a panic.

And the vibe stays vibing like you want it to vibe.

Vicki: Yeah, I like that. You know, it's something else that I really, like the idea of is, you know, show me how you like it. Right. So now I'm seeing, the speed, the grip, the, I'm learning how your body responds to what, and then I'm also in a position of power then where I can be like, okay, I can do that with my body or not.

And you know, that's just that communication at play, which I think is really important.

Amber: Yeah.

Coralie: Mm-hmm. 

Vicki: So we got a few questions from our listeners and we thought that this was a great place to pop them in and have a [00:12:00] conversation. And one of them was, do condoms make injuries more or less likely? So condoms don't really reinforce erections. They do add a thin layer of protection, but they won't stop a bend from happening, so they really aren't a piece of protection. The real protector again is communication and alignment and making sure that the two partners are definitely on the same page together.

Amber: I mean, they're not a protection from injury, but they are a protection from other things.

Vicki: Thank you. That is true.

Coralie: Yes.

Vicki: We're talking specifically injury, but STDs that can feel

like an injury 

Coralie: STIs or pregnancy.

Vicki: Use the condom. Yeah.

right. Exactly. That one time that that pregnancy broke me. Yeah, I got it.

Yes. That,

Amber: Yeah.

And our final listener question was, what are the riskiest moves? And we came up with a few but women on top bouncing high speed, definitely risky[00:13:00] 

Vicki: Yeah, I'm cringing

Amber: doggy style with rough thrusting and sudden angle changes. It's those changes of angle,

Coralie: Mm-hmm.

Vicki: or pulling out too.

Coralie: Right. 

Amber: Hmm. Yeah. Right.

Uh, hand jobs with too much friction and no lube. That can definitely be risky. And then, rough blow jobs with teeth or sudden bending. So basically speed, angle, dryness, all a danger zone. Avoid that.

Vicki: Yep.

Alright, not safe for brunch crew. That's a wrap on today's penis survival guide. Remember, accidents happen, but they don't have to ruin your sex life. Lube it up, slow it down and talk it out because great sex is about pleasure, not panic.

And if you have ever had your own near miss. You're definitely not alone. Share this episode. Send us your stories and let's keep brunch smart, sexy, and [00:14:00] safe.

Amber: Thanks for pulling up a seat at the Taboo Talk. Not Safe for Brunch Table. If today's chat made you laugh, think squirm, or all three. Do us a solid like follow and leave a review. It's basically the podcast world's version of a good tip. 

Vicki: Want more juicy, unfiltered conversations? Tap the link in the show notes and sign up for our weekly newsletter.

Your VIP pass to what didn't make it on the air. 

Coralie: Brunch isn't just about the bites and bubbles, it's about showing up real raw and ready to talk about what really matters. So until next time, keep it bold, keep it curious, and definitely keep it not safe for brunch.