Episode: 62 - From Head to Butt to Bed: Sexual Hygiene 101

Sex is supposed to be fun, not stressful, awkward, or uncomfortable because no one taught you the basics.

In this episode of Not Safe For Brunch, we’re breaking down sexual hygiene from head to butt to bed. No shame. No fear-mongering. Just real, practical conversations about cleanliness, comfort, confidence, toys, lube, oral, anal, kink, and everything in between.

Whether you’re new to sex, deep into midlife changes, exploring new play, or just want better sex with fewer infections, this episode is for you.

Transcript

Coralie: [00:00:00] sex is supposed to be fun, not uncomfortable, confusing, or stressful because no one taught you the basics.

Amber: If you've ever thought, is this normal, or Why did no one warn me about this, you're in the right place.

Vicki: Today we're talking sexual hygiene from head to butt to bed, so you can enjoy sex without the mess, stress, or regret.

Amber: Before we get into anything spicy, let's talk basics because good sex starts way before clothes come off. This isn't about being spotless, it's about being [00:01:00] comfortable and confident. So there's like this pre-ex hygiene mindset, right?

Vicki: for

sure. 

Amber: like everybody has one.

Coralie: Yeah.

Vicki: Absolutely. Cleanliness is paramount.

Amber: Yeah. I mean, some days my legs are shaved, other days they're not, and I'm in a long-term relationship and take it or leave it, honey,

Vicki: Absolutely.

Amber: but am.

Coralie: are not cleanliness.

Vicki: Mm-hmm.

Coralie: Yeah.

Vicki: That's preference.

Coralie: Otherwise, we have to shave our heads too. Like if no hair is the cleanliness guide, then I guess we're all fucked.

Vicki: I hope not.

You're right, though fresh doesn't necessarily mean it's sterile. It just needs to be tidy. It needs to be clean. It needs to not smell like your backside.

Amber: I, I mean, sometimes, sometimes there's just that quick clean and you have wipes for that, or you're just hopping in the shower and you know, cleaning your pits, cleaning your bits. Like sometimes that's all you have time for, and that's [00:02:00] okay.

Vicki: Yep. Agreed.

Coralie: We love a bidet. We love

a 

Amber: yeah. Days 

Coralie: two outta three of us on bidets.

Vicki: I know I'm missing out. I really need to get

Coralie: are, 

Amber: are missing 

Coralie: once 

Vicki: need to GoFundMe for that.

Coralie: you don't go back. I need Amber's portable one because I feel like a peasant. If I'm at someone else's house, 

like 

Amber: I swear

Coralie: I feel so 

Amber: portable one on when I traveled was 

Coralie: I need that

Vicki: I have so much research to do 

on this 

Amber: So much research.

Vicki: Uh,

Amber: might wanna use unscented soaps, right? And don't internally wash. That's not what we're saying here. No douching,

Good hygiene can actually boost comfort and confidence and desire. And I mean, I'm telling you sometimes when I'm like, I mean, it's my husband, whenever he is, I'm like, oh, you got bad breath.

Like I am giving you a hint, honey.

Vicki: Yeah.

Amber: If you go and do something about that, something might happen,[00:03:00] 

Vicki: Yep. Totally. If I hand you a gum,

Amber: take the gum, ask no questions.

Vicki: I just do it. It's fine.

Coralie: whatever. Whatever happened to certs? Do you guys remember those commercials? Everyone was passing them out. I haven't seen a certs in forever.

Vicki: Listen, I'm addicted to fisherman friends for that very reason. I love the way fisherman friends feel. They just make everything

feel fresh and clean and yeah, I'm down. Totally. Um, but I agree too because for us, in in general,. We wanna make sure that we're smelling fresh and clean and that it's an inviting space to be

right. I

Amber: I don't know about anybody else, but if I'm like feeling sweaty or sticky or anything like that, I'm like, it's not happening. I'm not feeling good,

so I'm not necessarily doing it for you. I'm doing it more for me.

Vicki: also true.

Coralie: totally. Because sometimes too, you know, you'll say, ah, I just don't feel good. I wanna have a shower. And he's like, oh no, I like it better.

Amber: Right, right. How I can't get in that mindset now.[00:04:00] 

Coralie: I know. I mean, sometimes I'm like, well, okay if you don't care. But sometimes I'm like, no, I literally can't. I literally cannot.

Vicki: You know what? I really am glad that you touched on preference because there are definitely some partners that. Don't mind if it's been, you know, you've been 

Coralie: At the gym. 

Vicki: day.

What's that? 

Coralie: at the gym or something.

'cause you know, you 

Vicki: right. There are lots of people who just don't mind what has occurred throughout your day. They like the natural smell of their partner. And that, and that's great. If that's your thing, that's your thing. It's, it's totally fine. But again, it is, like Amber said, it is about how we feel, what makes us feel more confident. I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for me. That's okay too.

Mm-hmm. 

Amber: We talk about it all the time, but that comes down to communication, especially when you're, you know, getting into the intimate relationship with somebody. I feel like that's okay to have that conversation.

Vicki: Yep.

Coralie: Absolutely. I mean, and did we even talk about clipping your fingernails, washing your hands like this?[00:05:00] 

Vicki: Listen,

the amount of UTIs a mechanic's wife will get, if that's, if that person is not. Cleaning under those fingernails. It's a big deal, guys. Like

we don't think about it until suddenly you are down with discomfort. Right? Then you start to go, wait a minute, what's, well, what's two plus two here?

Amber: Yeah. Have him go wash the dishes.

Coralie: Yeah. And also, like, I mean, it doesn't have to be a blue collar job. It could be a white collar job. You're sitting there, you're touching those keyboards all day. You're touching light switches all

day. You're touching poop. You're touch and cum there's, there's cum and shit on everything. That's

my rule. Wash your hands all the time and. Especially for midlife women. As we get older, we are more susceptible to UTIs because as our pelvic floor relaxes, our urethra drops and that's one of the first signs for some people that they have some sort of prolapse happening because they're getting more UTIs. And also, because our vaginas can be drier when we're lacking the estrogen. A lot of times doctors [00:06:00] will think we have a UTI when we're really just dry. So get to know your girl and keep everything touching it clean.

Amber: And I mean, that kind of brings us to the after sex basics, which is go for a pee rinse, dry and put on clean underwear.

Vicki: Yep.

Amber: Like you're preventing anything bad from happening after that?

Coralie: Or no underwear. Air it out. Air the girl

out. 

Vicki: Yeah.

Amber: So once you've got the everyday hygiene basics, everything else gets easier, including the area people are most curious about and most misinformed on. So let's talk anal.

Vicki: Yes.

Coralie: Well, anal play has reputation for being complicated or risky, but most of that fear comes from bad information. So when you know what actually matters, it's a lot more approachable.

So first of all, there's external versus internal cleaning, like Amber was talking about with the vagina.

You don't have to worry about cleaning up your butt hole. That's, that's nature's problem. [00:07:00] You know, that's, nature's gonna wash that out for you. Every time you have a bowel movement, you're cleaning, like, don't, don't do that., It's all self-cleaning. The outside is different. It's not self-cleaning. So. Again, love the bidet. Everyone should have a bidet. It's gonna blast anything off of that. you're gonna power wash your butt hole. Okay. And you might even enjoy it. but yeah, super important. So the outside and don't do the inside. We talked about douching. You don't wanna douche your butthole. The only time you should be doing something like that is like if you're getting an enema and your doctor has said you need an enema, you know, like it's not healthy for you.

You want bacteria in your colon. And if you are concerned about bacteria up there, that's what condoms are for. That's what condoms are for. Don't, don't go shove, don power wash nozzle up your butt hole. Like, don't do that. Okay. Listen,

we've all talked to nurses.

Vicki: I was just gonna say [00:08:00] that, you know what, we, we're shocked when we think things like that, but these things happen, right? They, the people create the necessity for warning labels on things.

Coralie: Yes. Yes, absolutely. Also lubricant is extremely important when you have anal play because first of all, your butthole doesn't self lubricate. It's not like the vagina, so you have to put the lube there. Silicone lube is gonna be your best bet because a water-based lube is gonna absorb. A lot quicker because like I said, your butthole doesn't self lubricate, so it's like, ah, it gets all excited. It wants the water. So the silicone lube, and one of the reasons that's important is not only for pleasure but to prevent any little microscopic tears that happen because that's where you have a problem of introducing bacteria.

You don't want your fecal matter to get into those microscopic tears cause an infection. So, lube, lube, lube. When you think you have enough lube, one more pump just for good luck, you know? Gloves, condoms, those are important. I mean, gloves, that's like you [00:09:00] super clean freak, like a germaphobe. I'm a germaphobe.

I can't imagine putting gloves on, but not shaming anyone who does. 'cause I know I do things that people are like, you're fucking weirdo and that's fine. But if you need to get some gloves on, I could see how that would be funny.

Vicki: Snap.

Coralie: But also remember the whole switching rule.

Once it goes back, it never goes front.

Vicki: Never, ever.

Coralie: together. Once it goes back, It never goes. 

Vicki: goes front.

Coralie: Never goes front. Um, and if you're

like, but wait, I'm really curious. Condoms, again, put a condom on it. You do not want those bacteria. You don't wanna put that in your vagina. Treat her

good. Yeah.

Vicki: so bad, and I will say that there are a ton of misinformed men, or not even misinformed, but just a lack of information around it. They just, they don't put it together because they've never had a necessity to, so I, I think that that is just a really important piece of that is[00:10:00] 

Amber: Right.

Vicki: to really consider. Learning what you need to learn before you decide you're going to have sex in a location, that you're not aware of how that affects your partner.

Coralie: Right. Like could you imagine never driving a car, never being in a car, never seeing a car, and then you watch a movie and there's a car. Then finally you see a car in real life and you're like, oh, I can drive that just 'cause you watched a movie.

That's how people approach sex, anal sex, all that stuff.

When we, we have to learn how to drive, right? We gotta learn how to take the corners a little slower so we don't roll over. And sex is the same way. And especially, anal sex, you know? And again, let's go back to the fingers because like Vicki always says, you can hang out on the porch. You don't have to go inside. So remember, finger cleanliness again, super important. I think we put all this thought and care into like making sure things are clean down there. But this is [00:11:00] even more important. Get these all clean. 'cause you got 10 sex toys right here. You don't want them dirty. You don't want them dirty. and then afterwards. You know, again, go back to the bidet. You know, give it a nice little water massage or just a warm cloth, you know, just get yourself cleaned up and,

Vicki: I mean, aftercare matters, and I wish that more people provided their partners with aftercare. Get the warm towel, get the cloth. Try not to use the toilet paper. It's all the little things, right? 

Coralie: Oh yeah. Not toilet 

Vicki: it's the touches. Grab the water, do the things like they make a difference. And, uh, I think that needs to be a little more prevalent in all relationships, whether they are transient or otherwise.

Amber: A hundred percent.

Coralie: Absolutely. So anal hygiene is really about preparation and it's about boundaries and that same awareness matters when mouse get involved. [00:12:00] So let's talk about oral.

Vicki: So oral sex is incredibly intimate. Let's be real. A little prep can make it a little more comfortable, more enjoyable for everybody. Who's involved on both sides of this experience? The provider and the recipient? So let's talk about mouth prep. All right. So, I mean, I still wanna have fresh breath. I still wanna make sure that my partner is fresh, like right. Again, this just goes down to making sure you're clean, your teeth are clean just on the regular, right?

Coralie: Yeah, well your mouth has a lot of bacteria and your

genitals have a lot of bacteria, so clean them both first so you don't

mix the bacteria and have a bacteria problem.

Vicki: Also really important to note, speaking of fresh, is that mint can be a real irritation, right? Try and see if you can kind of move away from the mint a little bit. Maybe not just mouthwash it out, but some people enjoy mint too. So just sort of figure out what works for you. Vulva and penis hygiene. I think this is really important when it comes down to oral. But of course we wanna make sure that our bodies [00:13:00] are clean, ready to receive, ready to give, et cetera.

I just think, again, that's, that's a no brainer to me. Please don't show up. Dirty. Just don't show up dirty. Expectations around body hair. So again, we're talking about oral. So do we like it trimmed? Do we like it shaved right down? How important is that to you? It really is about preference, again, which starts with communication.

So talk to your partner and figure out what it is that they prefer. How do they like it?

Amber: I think not only preference, but some people. Maybe prone to ingrown hairs or other issues that they can't necessarily trim all the time or shave right down, or, you know, so that also needs to be a conversation. So even though you prefer this on your partner, that might not be something that they could do.

Vicki: Right. Yeah. So again, down to the conversation about what works for us as a team.

Coralie: Hmm.

Vicki: And then let's talk about barriers as [00:14:00] protection. So condoms are not. A buzzkill. If you want to use a condom, then you need to use a condom. If you are okay not using a condom, that is your business. But I do think that the statement condoms are all right, but I don't really like them, or they lessen my experience, or blah, blah, blah.

That is not the decision maker

at all. Right? That's not the decision maker. You are the decision maker and you decide whether or not that feels like safety to you, 

Coralie: Mm-hmm. 

Vicki: based on what your knowledge is.

Coralie: I mean, I can't imagine, I just like read it reading, you know, different Facebook groups and stuff. People are like, well, he didn't wanna wear a condom. I wanted to, but he didn't want to. And so I just, you know, no, no. You want him to wear a condom. He wears a condom. That's

Vicki: Yeah,

and it is.

Coralie: why 

it's even up for debate.

Amber: The same goes for her, you know, if 

Coralie: Oh, absolutely. 

Amber: a a dam, a dental [00:15:00] dam, right? If he wants to use that a barrier for her, then that's fine too, but you gotta be okay with that,

Coralie: Absolutely. Just

Vicki: And that's why I say,

yeah, we don't

hear, we don't hear about that as much, but why? We should be. Right. We, we should be considering that. 'cause I think that is an important piece and that's why I said that if it's, it's based on you. You decide, do you want that body part in your body part?

Does it need to be protected? Are you okay? If it's not, what was the previous conversation? What does all of that look like? Do you have any corroborating evidence? It tells you this is a safe situation for you. This is completely about autonomy, and nobody gets to tell you something outside of your comfort is the right thing to do. End off story. So once oral is in the mix, we're already talking about trust, contact, and exposure, and that matters even more when we start adding toys, power intensity. So let's talk a [00:16:00] little bit about kink and BDSM hygiene.

Amber: Yeah. When you're playing with power paid or restraints, hygiene is not optional.

Vicki: No.

Amber: It's part of responsible, respectful play. So you wanna think like, equipment cleaning, you know, if you're using anything like floggers and stuff like that, like you need to clean that stuff too. Just because it didn't go in your body doesn't mean you don't clean it.

Vicki: Yes, ma'am.

Coralie: Especially if you're someone who has multiple partners and you're thinking, well, this is just a, spreader bar. Say nothing goes internal, you still just take a Lysol wipe or something, wipe that spreader bar down. I saw a, a story the other day about someone who had a weird rash on their, upper thigh or something like that. Anyways, it was HSV. I can't remember if it was one or two, but they got it from gym equipment

Vicki: Yep.

Amber: Ah. Yep.

Coralie: someone didn't clean the gym equipment.

Amber: Yeah, well, I, and you think about that [00:17:00] we have other things like swings and all of these restraints. If you are not cleaning those properly, that's a problem. So make sure you're cleaning it, and make sure you're cleaning your body after you use it as well.

Coralie: Mm-hmm.

There's also for things like swings or chairs, hypochlorous acid, you just buy it, you spray it, it's super hygienic. It's what they use in hospitals and stuff, and you just spritz it and then it gets rid of all the bacteria. 

Super 

great. I wouldn't use it on my toys,

but on anything that wasn't going internal. Spritz, spritz, spr.

Amber: And whether you're kinky or vanilla, one thing shows up in almost every bedroom toys, and they deserve some attention too.

Coralie: Yes. Well, they are incredible tools for pleasure, but like we were saying, only when they're taking care of properly, I mean, these toys are an investment, right? So take care of them. They'll last longer because so many people skip the basics. So here's some toy basics. If you've never had a toy before, or if you've had toys and you're like, am I, am I taking care of [00:18:00] my little guy?

Right? Here you go. First of all, clean it before use. Think about you buy clothes, you buy your underwear, you wash them first. Same with your toys. You wanna clean it before use, so you don't know. It's past life. I mean, it's a brand new toy, but still it's made, it's packaged, it's sent, people have touched it. So 

give it a good 

Vicki: and even straight outta your own side table drawer. Have you, have you looked in there? Have you 

Coralie: Oh yeah. 

Vicki: Like come on. Yeah.

Coralie: Always,

always clean before use. But especially the first use. But yeah. Always clean your toys before using them. And then after using them, you know, and we do talk a lot about cleaning our toys after we use them, but that cleaning them before use is really important too, because like Vicki said, your toys can just grow bacteria as they're sitting in the drawer.

So unless you have . Antibacterial toy tote, you do wanna give them just a quick spritz and a wipe, before you use them. There's also different material differences with your toy. So if you have a glass toy or a stainless steel toy or a silicone toy, those aren't porous. So you, you know, you wanna clean them, but you don't have to [00:19:00] worry about bacteria growing inside.

Whereas if you have, you know, you think about kind of more the old school toys that are made out of vinyl or TPR or what rubber, whatever. They're porous so you can clean the outside all you want, but there is a bacteria party happening in the middle of your toy whether you like it or not. So I think those toys should be thrown out at about 18 months. If you're really in love with that toy, you know that's what condoms are for. 'cause you can use them on your toy so yeah. And when you're storing your toys, like we said, if you don't have an antibacterial toy to, to put them in, just make sure they're not touching.

Vicki: Yeah.

Coralie: it can happen. And I've actually found, say in the last 10 years, just the quality of silicone has gotten so much better. I haven't seen two to silicone toys melt in a very long time. In the oh ohs it would happen quite frequently if I forgotten. I left them together. You'd have a red toy, you'd have a blue toy, they would. Grow together and make a purple toy and

you'd have a toy that had holes for every orifice in your body. But I do find that those older [00:20:00] ones, like the vinyl and the TPR, those are still very melty. But regardless, just don't let your toys touch. They are snobs. They don't wanna touch each other. Okay.

Vicki: True. 

Coralie: So don't let them touch, it'll just help them, you know, retain the integrity of the toy. So it's, you have no chance of them blending or anything like that. And with your batteries and motors, if you have a battery operated toy, don't leave the batteries in it all the time. I know it can be hard, like, oh, I use this toy three times a week. It doesn't make sense to take the batteries out. You're gonna not use that toy. Eventually you're gonna forget. And because you're not in the habit of taking your batteries out, they'll corrode in your toy. You'll find it and you'll be like, oh, I forgot about this guy.

My favorite. And it's got all that like white powder that happens when your battery's corrode inside. That's shitty. No one wants that to happen. And then if you have a rechargeable toy, you wanna make sure I always say once a season, and at the very least when there's a time change, which is only four months apart.

So you're, I once a season, every toy should have a good full charge because if you don't. [00:21:00] Then it's not going to get to a full charge if you let it sit there dead for a year in your drawer. It might not get back to its full charge ever. So always give your toys, just like once a quarter seasonal change go in, it's cleaning time in your drawer, pull everything out, inspect it like it's a good time.

Pick up your toys, inspect it, see if there's any cracks. If you have an older silicone toy, it might start to develop cracks after a while, and that's when you can start introducing bacteria. So once a season inspection, really good, clean. Charge everything up like these are investments, and then look at them and be like, oh, this one I don't need anymore.

You can have a funeral. It's okay. And then go get another one on the not safe for brunch site

Vicki: It's perfect.

Coralie: So once toys are handled. There is still one unavoidable part of sex that we haven't talked about yet, and that's fluid. Lube sheets and cleanup.

Vicki: Sex is messy guys, literally and [00:22:00] emotionally, and that's super normal. So the goal isn't to avoid it. It's knowing how to handle it. So let's first talk about normalizing bodily fluids. It happens, you're going to have bodily fluids. They are going to be present. I think that, there are some times that, especially when we're talking about G-Spot, people kind of get a little strange about it.

Everyone thinks that it's urine and somebody thinks there's a little urine. Somebody thinks there's no urine. It is what it is. And I think that you just need to normalize that body fluids is going to happen and you need to have that conversation again about what you're going to do with said bodily fluids, right? So if someone is going to finish. Where are they finishing? How does that look like? You do not wanna leave a surprise treat in somebody's mouth when they really just want it on their chest. I mean, that's just real. Lube expires. Let's talk about that. [00:23:00] Okay? Yep.

Amber: once used an old lube. I just grabbed it and I forgot that it was so old. Oh my God. Never again.

Vicki: Worst UTI of my life

was Old lube. 

Amber: Yeah.

Coralie: Yeah, and even too, if it's not expired, like you wanna think about your liquids the same as you know, any other thing. They have that expiration date or that timeline from opening, right?

Vicki: Mm-hmm.

Coralie: So you have about 18 months, 12 to 18 months at the most with the bottle of lube. So don't be like, oh, I only wanna use a little bit.

So it lasts five years. No, because even think too, you're like putting it on and then grabbing more. There's so much bacteria that you're introducing to that

Amber: That's why you don't buy the 30 gallon bottle of lube.

Coralie: Unless you're like wrestling, we can hook you up. If you want the 30 gallon,

Vicki: Yeah. I also think that when you're cleaning your toy or some of that aftercare that we talked [00:24:00] about, it should include using the toy cleaner on the, the lube spout. I would spritz it, rub it, rinse it. Like there's no reason why you can't. It's, we're talking 30 seconds of our life here, , to save ourselves. Plenty of pain and discomfort. So

I don't know. I think that's kind of important. Now sheet care is of course going to be very important.

You wanna make sure that you're, you're using clean sheets. You wanna make sure that everybody is going to be comfortable in this environment. But we do have some waterproof options as well, for waterproof proof blankets. And I think those are great options because they do tend to save your sheets a little bit and whether or not it's going to be a splash mountain event or not, you can still put the waterproof sheeting down or the waterproof blanket down, to just save your sheets a little bit, right?

So if you know that it's going to be a vigorous event. You don't wanna necessarily wash your sheets that night, that following day, whatever that looks like.

Coralie: Good Hygiene makes sex safer. Smoother, and way more enjoyable.

Amber: This isn't about [00:25:00] perfection or shame, it's about comfort, confidence, and respect.

Vicki: Take care of your body, your tools, and your partners, and sex gets a whole lot better.