Episode: 66 - Why 69 Sounds Sexy… But Rarely Delivers

Let’s talk about 69… and why it might not be all it’s hyped up to be. 

It’s one of the most talked about positions out there, but when you actually break it down, the reality doesn’t always match the fantasy. 

In this episode, we’re getting real about why 69 looks great in theory but can fall apart in practice, from awkward angles to multitasking struggles and everything in between. 

If you’ve ever tried it and thought “what is happening right now”… this episode is for you. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Somebody's nose is always dangerously close to somebody's butthole.

SPEAKER_03 0:04

Maybe six seven is the position. I don't even know what the fuck that is, but when they find out what six nine is.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

I know. I think it's the economics. They can't afford 69, so it has to be 67. This, you know, economy sucks.

SPEAKER_03 0:24

Today we are diving into a topic that has lived rent-free in pop culture, in fantasy, and curiosity, but not so much in functional, satisfying real life experiences.

SPEAKER_02 0:36

We are talking about why 69 is basically the IKEA furniture of sex positions. It looks great in the pictures, it's iconic. Everybody thinks that they should try it. Then halfway through, you're like, why is this so complicated? And yes, we will be discussing the elephant in the room. No matter which way you flip it, somebody's nose is always dangerously close to somebody's butthole.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

This is Taboo Talk, not safe for brunch. I'm Coralie from Vancouver, and I love digging deep and asking the questions no one will.

SPEAKER_03 1:13

I'm Amber from Ontario. I'm blunt, cut through the fluff, and get straight to the point. And I'm Vicky from Manitoba.

SPEAKER_02 1:20

I'm all about real connection because intimacy starts with trust. Let's get into it.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

Why people like the idea of 69? Because I do think people like the idea more than the action. It's symmetrical, it's mutual, it's visually balanced, equal pleasure at the same time for everyone. If you listen to our episodes on oral sex, it's always seems very one-sided, at least the comments, but not with 69. Supposedly. Supposedly. I mean, come on.

SPEAKER_03 1:48

I have never gotten off on 69.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

I I can't do two things at once. I cannot do two things at once. I'm sorry. I just not those two things, anyways.

SPEAKER_02 2:01

Yeah, I don't I don't need any more additional visits to my chiropractor.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

Yeah, it just seems like a time waster. And I think when you first become sexually active, there's this novelty attached to it because there's so much we've all been laughing at 69 since before we even freaking knew what it was, right? So there's like this novelty to it. And you know, I will give it this is that it does feel intimate because you are both in an equally vulnerable place at the same time. And some people are turned on by multitasking. I'm not one of those people. I'm turned off by multitasking. Like I love multitasking. Turn the folders off. So, but yeah, it has a this playful sort of taboo reputation that makes people curious about it. But I don't talk to a lot of people who are like all the time, love it, let's do it. At least not women.

SPEAKER_03 2:58

So maybe when I was more boomer in my 20s, but uh yeah, I feel like that's a young woman's game.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

Uh it just to me, uh I just I feel like it's a little overrated. I as well do not hear a lot of women, and I talk to a lot of women, and I have a really close group friendship, and there really isn't anybody who's well running.

SPEAKER_00 3:20

That's what I was gonna say too. I can't even think of the last time or if ever a woman said, I love it. And when I decided, you know what, I'm just done with it. Like, why are we doing things we don't like? And I started telling my clients that I did it, it almost gave them permission to say, Oh, I don't have to, no, you don't have to. Like, not that they were ever forced, but it was like permission to say no to it. And why would we not want to say no? Because the fantasy is synchronized. Okay, it is not real, it is not effortless, it is not smooth. It is a lot. It's a lot. You're gonna have sore knees, sore elbows, where's your hair gonna be? You gotta focus on gravity, like practice your planks if you're on top, like pain in the ass, breathing patterns, awkward angles.

SPEAKER_02 4:11

Can we talk about that synchronicity though? Totally. I'm okay waiting my turn. I hope you're okay waiting your turn. And I want to be focused on the task at hand as opposed to be distracted, and you're probably getting a half-ass school job and probably not really loving what's happening down there.

SPEAKER_00 4:29

And I'm because if it never happens too where what's happening down there for you, you're like, oh, I'm starting to get into it. You're just may as well be standing there, laying there with a hot dog in your mouth because you're not doing anything. You're just like you're distracting because it feels so good. Holy fuck.

SPEAKER_03 4:50

It's just a little bit in there. I'm wrong. Like, I can visualize what you just said.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

I hope my dad doesn't watch this. Oh my god. You know what? People laugh when they can relate. Oh, nail on yes, the head. Anyways, let's talk a little bit about why it might be appealing. We talked about the mutuality in this sort of loop loop of pleasure, and it can feel empowering or erotic to give and receive simultaneously. And again, it looks great visually, but hot dog in the mouth. Just let's leave with that and let's go in.

SPEAKER_02 5:33

I think so. I think so. Yeah, and I get that porn promotes it because then when they're shooting the you right, they're shooting the scene. It makes complete sense to see it in that way. But yeah, I think the functionality around it is and when they're shooting a scene, we missed it, they aren't thinking, is what I'm doing getting the person off.

SPEAKER_00 5:53

They're thinking, is what I'm doing, does it look good? Is it the right angle? How's the lighting? Does it look good? Is this a good cum face? Yeah, is this a good pleasure face? Again, that's a lot of multitasking. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:06

So let's dive into why this is really not functional. And I think we've kind of touched on it quite a bit. But the concentration problem that we touched on, it's extremely difficult to receive pleasure and give pleasure with equal attention. Yeah, it's just not happening. For example, hot dog and mom. Okay, the nervous system gets way overwhelmed trying to switch between giving mode and receiving mode. Most people end up distracted by breathing, angles, awkwardness, self-consciousness, worry about crushing someone or being crushed. Yes.

unknown 6:45

Like I can't.

SPEAKER_03 6:50

It might happen. Very few can climax while also active. I will just say if he dies, he dies.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

I think that any new potential partners I might have gonna make the watches episode first. Before we do the things, you have homework.

SPEAKER_03 7:09

Shit. We just send you this one. There are physical logistics to it, right? So humans don't fold like the diagrams suggest. Like you see it six, nine. We don't fold like that generally. No, the angle required for effective stimulation rarely lines up. And one partner's neck is almost always ends up in a weird ass angle. Gravity doesn't help when someone is on top, blood rushing to weird places. And people are different heights, like torso lengths don't match.

SPEAKER_02 7:45

So the height, the height differential is real. That's 0.0.

SPEAKER_00 7:51

I can't imagine if you had severe because it's one thing. My husband and I are very different heights. Like he's got seven, eight inches on me, but we sit down, I'm this much taller. I can't imagine to be a couple where your torso has that seven, eight-inch difference. Like that's almost two full dicks of difference, right?

SPEAKER_03 8:12

How are you gonna reach it?

SPEAKER_02 8:15

Well, the other thing, too, that I think I want to touch on here is it's not just torso lengths. You mentioned some of us are a little softer than others, some of us are a little spongier than others and want my shit hanging out. Like it's just it you get in your own head when you're thinking about what do I look like, right? I mean, it's bad enough that we're even thinking that, but to be in this position, no, um I'm well, I think you gotta think that, right?

SPEAKER_03 8:42

Because you get it to this point where who's going on top? Is the heavier person going on top?

unknown 8:47

Right.

SPEAKER_03 8:50

Or is a lighter person going on top?

SPEAKER_02 8:51

Well, and the whole idea of man on top, like how am I how am I managing that hot dog, Corley? You're stuck on the bed or wherever you are. Where is that going? I have no control.

unknown 9:08

Like, what?

SPEAKER_02 9:09

They're just like how how you can't move. Yeah, like just pre-call 911. It's fine. We'll just tell them. You gotta do this. Unless you're not doing that, and then no, there's too little control for me down there.

SPEAKER_03 9:32

That's not happening. No, now there is there is the option of sideways 69, right? It looks good on paper, but I mean it still involves juggling some limbs and trying to stay balanced. Your arm's gonna fall asleep. Oh my god. Not as much work as standing 69. Who the hell's going upside down?

SPEAKER_02 9:50

Yeah, no shit.

SPEAKER_03 9:51

I don't care that much.

SPEAKER_02 9:53

I can't wait for the fucking hate comments on this one. Wow. Bring it. I'm ready.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

Your wife will tell you the same thing if you just let her watch. I think also, too, when it comes to who's on top, the person who really wants to 69 doesn't get to choose that. It's the person that is, okay, you want to, and I'll do it because you want to. Hopefully, if you're going in, you're going to do it, you actually get your mind in the right situation there and be like, uh, that's for after.

SPEAKER_03 10:26

Yeah, no, that's well, and I mean, I hope the person who really wants it is the one who has their nose uncomfortably close to somebody's butt. The person who really doesn't want it that bad.

SPEAKER_02 10:37

Yeah. Should I we all need to be having the pre-sex conversation? No. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_02 10:52

Totally fine. I'm not bothered being close with I just I just don't I just don't want to do all the other acrobatics that get me to that place. It's just, it's, it's not for me. It's okay. Yeah. Listen, if somebody doesn't want to be in a relationship with one of us because we won't do 69, they are not there for the right reasons. So by I don't care. I don't care that much.

SPEAKER_03 11:18

Well, hygiene and comfort come into play too, right? When it comes to 69. So people worry about how they smell. Yeah. Hair gets in your face. Then you're sucking on a hot dog that's hairy. It's just not ideal. No one wants a hairy hot dog. Sweaty skin becomes slippery. Now that's dangerous. Like we already did an episode in the bathtub shower. Nobody wants that slipperiness in your in your bed either. So no, it's just not relaxing. Nothing relaxing about it.

SPEAKER_02 11:48

So let's talk about why it might work in theory and why it fails in practice a little bit here. So 69 as a concept symbolizes that shared pleasure, that synchronicity we talked about. It does look equal and cooperative. And as seen on TV, sometimes sexy. It appears impressive and skillful. It's not something that I necessarily need on my resume, but maybe somebody does. And it does imply some trust and connection. I think there are lots of ways to do that. But the position in of itself does sort of imply that. And people like the idea of that synchronized gratification. There's something about that. We have some tips on some other ways that you can achieve that. So just hit us up and we'll tell you. Okay, so let's talk about why it falls apart. All right. Our arousal systems, they don't typically sync up, right? So to climax, most people need focus and consistent stimulation and some relaxation, some mental presence and practice. And it's really hard to practice, right? As especially as women, we learn what we like through self-exploration usually. And it's really hard to practice 69 on our own. So that's problematic. It also 69, just in general, just disrupts all four of those things at once: mental presence, relaxation, consistent stimulation, and focus. And just 69 just stands in the middle of it. Hey, here I am. Let me see how badly I can screw this up for you. So your brain just can't let go. So you're multitasking, you're in it, and you're not gonna win it. So I think, in essence, 69 is more of a performance as opposed to a pleasure position. It looks better than it feels. It's designed for visual appeal, not practicality. So if that cuck chair is hot and heavy, that could work. But if it's just the two of you in the room, maybe not so much. We're taught to think that it's sexy, which fuels the fantasy, which is of course uh more pleasurable than the experience itself. A lot of fantasies. More often than not. Totally. So we all know that there are times that it has worked, and again, we said new relationships, right? You're trying something new. What feels good? What are we willing to try and do for one another? I think that is why 69 is something that comes out to play.

SPEAKER_03 14:05

Just work on.

SPEAKER_02 14:08

And of course, there are times that it's not necessarily gonna work, and I think that counts when we're talking about being in a longer-term relationship or where we're like, there are just better ways that we can achieve the goal. Absolutely. Does the fantasy survive after the first attempt?

SPEAKER_03 14:24

No, I don't think so.

SPEAKER_02 14:27

Maybe if it worked for you and you both climax, but no, I cannot recall doing it more than one time.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

Yeah, it survived a few times. I mean, it wasn't an all-the-time thing, but I don't know. And I was like, yeah, no, right, like why? There's so many other fun things we could be doing naked, like, yeah, it's not like about post-oral sex in any way, shape, or form. Just don't want to do it at the same time. It's not rocket science.

SPEAKER_02 14:54

Yeah, right. But it feels like it when you're in it. Like, I feel like you have to be a genius to get it done.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

Don't just hot dogs you're cooking, you're launching a ship. So true. So after breaking down the fantasy, the physics, and the real life chaos, it's safe to say that 69 is more of a cultural moment than a functional position.

SPEAKER_03 15:15

And while there's absolutely nothing wrong with trying it, laughing through it, or even loving it if it works for you, it's also totally okay to admit that it's not the peak experience movies promise. Thanks for pulling up a seat at the Taboo Talk Not Safe for Brunch Table. If today's episode made you laugh, think, or squirm a little, do us a solid, follow, rate, and leave a review. It's the podcast version of a good tip.

SPEAKER_02 15:41

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SPEAKER_01 15:49

Until next time, keep it bold, keep it curious, and definitely keep it not safe for brunch.