Taboo Talk Not Safe For Brunch
Welcome to Taboo Talk Not Safe for Brunch! In this podcast, we’re here to bring sex, insight, and real-world education to the table—unapologetically. Think of it as having those important, unfiltered brunch conversations with your closest friends, about sex, relationships, and everything in between.
With over 55 years experience combined in the intimacy industry helping individuals and couples focusing on breaking down barriers, reducing shame, and empowering people to embrace their desires and relationships with confidence.
Taboo Talk Not Safe For Brunch
Episode: 81 - Are Women's Dating Standards Really Too High? ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
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Are women asking for too much... or are we finally asking for the right things?
In this episode of Taboo Talk: Not Safe for Brunch, we're talking about dating standards, emotional maturity, the infamous "bare minimum," younger men, mental load, and why more women are choosing peace over settling.
Plus, we play a game of Bare Minimum or True Partnership? You might start scoring your own relationship.
👇 Let us know... what's one dating standard you'll never lower?
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Standards, you know, those things that women are constantly told to lower, usually by men who don't meet them. So let's get into it. Are our dating standards too high, or are we finally just awake and unwilling to babysit a grown man? Because something is happening. Women are opting out, not temporarily, not dramatically, strategically, peacefully, and intentionally. We've got women choosing celibacy, situationships with boundaries, younger men with stamina, and go call it just themselves. And honestly, the group chat is thriving. We are talking about all the things. So meanwhile, there's a chorus in the background going, your standards are too high. Sir, the standard is emotional regulation and remembering my coffee order. That's all.
CoralieThis is Taboo Talk, not safe for brunch. I'm Coralie from Vancouver, and I love digging deep and asking the questions no one will.
AmberI'm Amber from Ontario. I'm blunt. Cut through the fluff and get straight to the point.
VickiAnd I'm Vicky from Manitoba. I'm all about real connection because intimacy starts with trust. Let's get into it.
AmberI mean, we can go back to the blowjob episode where we said we want it clean. Right. It needs to be clean. And holy shit, did we ever get blowback on that episode of how we had all these standards and blah, blah, blah. And you wouldn't expect us to have blah blah blah. Yeah, we fucking do. Jesus Christ, I don't want you to like my dirty pussy. Not that it's dirty pussy.
CoralieOh my God, I hate that word. That's my green word is pussy. I fucking hate it. If I say the word pussy, it means I'm calling someone a wimp. I'm not talking about a vagina. That was fantastic. Yeah, okay. Amber really has a clean one, I'm sure. I don't know, but I'm sure. I have a bidet.
AmberI clean it almost multiple times a day.
VickiThe bidet tells a different story. The bidet has reviews. It has receipts.
CoralieI was like, let's move on. I don't want to talk about it anymore.
AmberNo more talking about the P word. All right. Okay. Are women asking for too much, though? Like, let's define too much. Yes. All right. Because I mean, apparently, just asking for a clean penis when we're doing a blown job is too much. Apparently. Apparently. I don't think so.
CoralieI don't think so either. I would love your opinion. And I don't really care. If you think it's too much, it ain't happening.
AmberBut I mean, really, what women are asking for emotional intelligence, consistency. Oh my gosh. Don't just like show up and give me all the flowers, the roses, and all the lovey dovey shit. And then when we kind of hook up and get together, now what? No, keep that going. And don't like, here's and that's not that's the thing though. You don't want to go over the top because I don't want most women don't want over the top, they just want fucking consistent levels, right? Yes. Like, yeah, anyways, you don't want to go so high where you can't consistently keep up with it. Right.
VickiNo, you know what? One time I had a man show up with and when he was on his way here, he asked me what kind of uh tea or coffee that I wanted. And uh, and after he made a comment about this is just my way in the door, or something like that. Like he was just trying to be nice, right? And I was just like, We're hooking up. You can probably leave the tea at the door, like it's fine. I already said yes.
CoralieCome overright. Maybe he was trying to like Pavlov's dog you like, I'll take her out for tea and she's gonna get horny.
AmberYeah, right.
VickiJust brought me a tea. I was like, You're bringing it to my house. I'm already letting you in the door. What do you think's happening? Um, but you're right, it's just like, yeah, don't don't try to fiend your way in with a tea. Like, let's just have an agreement and let's go. So Vicky doesn't want tea, guys. That's what she's saying.
AmberSo consistent communication and agreeing on what's happening. Yes, that's right, that's what I need. That's it anyway. Now, if you're in a long-term relationship, though, and I'm sure we've all been there, but we want a little effort without being prompted like a toddler. Like, yeah, you know, even in a situation ship.
CoralieEven yeah, yeah, right. But yeah, you know what? There is something to be said because if you've been in a long-term relationship, that has happened where, and maybe on both sides, right? But um sometimes it feels like there had to have been a conversation multiple times before it just becomes natural, you know. And I don't think that's really anyone's fault. I think that's just how we are, right? I don't learn or remember something the first time. It takes multiple times for it to stick in my brain. That's why I was like, oh, I gotta go look that up because I don't remember. You know, yeah.
VickiI mean, we obviously owe each other grace. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah.
CoralieI think intention is a lot, you know, the intention behind it.
AmberWell, and I think if we have some kind of standards, it's often being labeled as like this elite level of expectation. Right. Meanwhile, the male wish list, you know, includes like, oh, she's gotta be chill, don't nag, right? Look hot, but low maintenance. How the fuck are you doing that? Not at this age.
CoralieI know they're like, I don't want, I like a more natural, I like someone who doesn't wear a lot of makeup, but then the people they point out to are very obviously wearing a full face. Yeah, you know, right, yeah, yeah.
AmberOr like heal yourself, but I mean don't inconvenience me with the process.
VickiIt's like you only date men in therapy.
AmberThat's my new rule. Well, there's a disconnect, and like I I mean, uh the last episode or previous episode we've done about the manosphere, and there's this disconnect because like those men have like fucking way up here standards, and then we just ask for a little bit of cleanliness and to be consistent and you know, anyway, kind too, some of those be chill, don't nag, that is societal, you know.
CoralieThat is um because I don't think when someone says a woman's nagging, it's probably because she's told you 50 fucking times and you haven't run it, or you haven't heard her, and that's not nagging, that is like trying to get your point, trying to feel heard, you know. I want someone men centering themselves, right?
VickiMen are centering themselves, and I I think that and I think that we've done that, right? We've like, well, I want the flowers and I want this and I want that that, you know, there's a lot of things sometimes that we can ask for too. But in the don't nag be chill, that is men centering themselves as this above all. And I think that's where I get really glitchy. I get glitchy.
AmberWell, historically, though, women needed men for survival. Like we needed men if we wanted to buy a house. Even now it's still, you know, there's still a line on there. True. Freaking weird. But, anyways, but now we have careers, we have our own credit scores, you know? Like, I just feel like that's been a shift, and maybe um some men haven't caught up.
CoralieYeah, and and I would just like to point out that historically we have needed men for survival because they made it that way. It's not because like women were just automatically weaker or anything like that. It's because the patriarchy made it that way because men were centered in it. And in research I did for one of our recent podcasts, I can't remember what off the top of my head, but way back in caveman days, women were, you know, men were the hunters, but women were the gatherers. Women were the ones that were going out getting the berries, getting the, you know, all the whatever that they ate in the forest, tending the gardens, which that's a daily thing. Hunting is like, well, I don't know how often they did it, but it wasn't daily because you couldn't keep your meat that long, but yeah.
AmberSo when women say I'd rather be alone than poorly partnered, it's not bitterness, it's just like kind of good math and statistics. I mean, I don't know, Vicky. You're you're single right now. How do you feel about that?
VickiI mean, I feel like I'm in the best era of my life. Uh and you're right, it it's not bitterness, it's uh it's comfort, it's autonomy, and it's being able to engage in the things and the people that I want to engage in. And that doesn't mean you have to have multiple partners. I'm not saying that you need to be out there doing all the things. I'm just saying you get to be choosy about what you allow into your sphere. And I'm very choosy about what I allow into my sphere. That's that's it. And I have struggled, it's not been easy to get my mindset in the right place. And I loved the journey and I love where I'm at. And I don't know how long I'll be here, but it's where I am now.
CoralieI think also, too, when you know, because we've even heard women say that I used to say it, oh, I'm I'm low maintenance. When someone is saying they're low maintenance or that they want someone low maintenance, that someone isn't putting their own needs first, you know. High maintenance doesn't have to mean getting your hair done, getting your nails done, getting your brows done. To me, being high maintenance, it's not even really high maintenance. It's like I'm the most important person in my life, no matter what, you know, because if I'm not good, no one else is good. And I don't think that's high maintenance. I think that's how it should be. And I think everyone should like if you don't take care of yourself, I want my husband to take care of himself before because he's gonna be able to show up in our relationship better if he's taking care of his mental health, of his physical health, all that stuff.
VickiUm yeah, there was an interview with an actress, and she uh I know you've heard this comment where she said, I was asked by a man once if I was high maintenance, and I said, Yes, I am, but I maintain it myself.
AmberOoh, ooh, I like that.
VickiNo, it sounds like a share and everything. Sounds like share. Sorry, I'll try, I'll do better. Um, but yeah, and I thought to myself, that's exactly right, because anything that I need to maintain, I maintain that. I take care of myself, I take care of my lifestyle, I take care of it. I am not asking anybody for anything except to compliment me. Not give me a compliment, but to compliment my lifestyle, to compliment my experience, to have some shared experience with. Um, and I think that you're right. I think men are, it throws them off a little bit because they're so accustomed, especially in this age range, being the caregiver, being the caretaker, being the one that's kind of in charge of everything. And suddenly, you know, they're single again and they think that they can just, you know, uh ask for wifey things, and that's just not how it is anymore. Right? I have been heard saying, oh, no, I won't do that. That's wifey. That's wifey stuff. No, I I'm not I'm nobody's wife. It's no wonder. It I mean, it's not always received well, but yeah, yes.
CoralieWell, let's be fair for a second. From the male perspective, it can feel like the bar keeps moving, it can feel like they're being compared to like an ideal man, and that their efforts aren't always acknowledged. And some of them will genuinely feel like no matter what I do, it's not enough. No matter what I do, it's not enough. And the thing is, is that women didn't raise the bar overnight, they just stopped lowering it. And um, and I think sometimes that they will expect a parade for the slightest little win. No one gave me a parade. Where's my parade?
AmberLet me get my pom-pom right. Are are you referring to things like when you walk in the door and your husband's like, Did you see? Did you see I did the dishes? Yeah, yeah, right.
VickiThat's the one. That's the one I do.
CoralieI do them every fucking day. Yeah. You know what? My husband stopped doing that when I just started being like, oh my god, let me put this in the family chat. I gotta put this on my social, you know what I mean? You just make it as ridiculous as it is, and I know it's good intentions, you know. It's good intentions, but it's not until you know, you're like, oh that's so funny, you guys.
VickiI have a friend whose husband um quite often will just say, like, I did this and I did this, and I didn't will text her when she's out. And and one day she stayed home and she texted him every time she like I've done that, moved it up, moved a dish or did a thing. He was just like, Why are you why are you being like that? And she was just like, Yeah, there's no fanfare required. It's just it's what we do in order to make the household work right. So yeah, that's that's funny. Not appreciated, but funny.
CoralieYou know, what's appreciated is when it's done without being asked, without being reminded 50 million times, and then without asking for a gold star for doing it. That's when it's appreciated. Yeah. Yeah. So really, you know, it can kind of feel like rejection because you are benefiting from how it used to be, but that's obviously we're evolving, we're evolving. So now men are being asked to communicate, be self-aware, and contribute domestically and emotionally. That's a partnership, right?
VickiIt is a partnership. And I remember I heard Esther Perell. Do you guys know Esther Perell? I love her. She did a talk about how uh everyone in the relationship is now expected to be all of these things, right? And men and women, the couple, the partnership, you know, they're each other's social uh partners, they're each other's um, you know, business partners, they're each other's whatever, like household partners, like they're sexual partners, uh, romance partners, like all of these things. And men and women cannot check all the boxes for one another. And that's also why friendships are so incredibly important. And I think especially now because we're seeing a real shift. Men used to meet up on Sunday mornings for breakfast at the coffee shop and sit and talk shit about their wives and whatever else helping happen in their week and their jobs and blah, blah, blah. They used to do that, and now they have no place to do that because men don't get together often on their own anymore, generationally at this point. They spend a lot of time when they are together, not really talking about their feelings or what's happening. They just kind of whatever it is that they're doing, they engage in that. It's just a really interesting shift, and I think that it's it's unreasonable to think that men and women have to be all of those things to each other. It's why our friendships are so important, it's why having outside relationships are so important. And we just need to build a model that looks right for us.
CoralieYeah. My husband and his two besties, they get together about once a month for breakfast. And I love it. They just started doing this a year ago, and I just love it for him and for them. And I call it brofist. Yes, brofist is like.
VickiYeah, you know, and I mean, for me, obviously, I'm not partnered, but I see my friends' partners, and I think they're not really connecting, not the way we as women connect, right? Um, so I think that there is sort of a disconnect there, and I think that there's a piece of that where um that that absolutely fits here, where it just becomes you're so dependent on one another, and I think that's a dangerous place to live.
CoralieYeah, codependence is not healthy for anyone because that's what that is.
AmberYeah.
VickiSo women are no longer dating exclusively for marriage or cohabitation, traditional timelines like having children or whatever that looks like. So I think that some women are really dating now for companionship, they're looking for a physical connection, they're looking for somebody to be fun and explorative with, to try new things. And it's totally allowable. That is exactly what I think the new modern relationship is starting to look like. Now, men have historically dated this way for decades without a panel discussion about it, right? So now that women are doing it, suddenly, you know, it's concerning. Why are we having these conversations? Why is it loud? Um, and I think that men aren't sure where they fit in that, right?
AmberWell, I think it's also a generational thing because I have met so many younger people that have zero intention for the ideal life of a white picket fence and a marriage and children, and you know, they're just they're waiting longer to settle down and they want to explore and they want to do the things. And I feel like generationally, that's probably what could be happening as far as you know, not wanting that or having more, having those higher standards instead of just settling down with someone that they're settling with.
CoralieWell, yeah, and like I got married when I was 23, and my son is 23 now, and I cannot imagine him being married. I was 23, I was married with a kid at 23, and it's it's so young, you know. And I'm not saying that like I have regrets or anything like that because I don't, but I do think that we all would have been better if like I was older and more mature because my prefrontal cortex wasn't fully developed then. Yeah, he's a baby, he's a baby.
VickiI look at my kids the same way.
CoralieYeah, my son is 24, and I think absolutely not how my daughter's 29 and she's engaged, and I'm like, okay, that's cool. You're ready, you know. Your your prefrontal cortex is developed, like lovely, lovely.
VickiAll right, so let's get into the younger man phenomenon. I was really excited to do this part. So, like, why are more women dating younger men? I know, tell us, Vicky. Yeah, I have 10 years older, so right, exactly. I mean, the cougar life chose me era. That's me, that's where I'm at right now. Because they're more emotionally literate. I'm I'm a huge proponent of dating, at least 10 years younger than me. Um, they've had exposure to therapy culture. They actually like women. It's really interesting how uh much advocacy uh younger men uh have, in especially in conversation or just you know, watching the move in the world for women and and concerns around women. And I find that they're less entrenched in like rigid gender roles, you know. Uh it's just less about what I'm going to do for them in the world and what that'll look like, and more about how does how do we, you know, make things work together, regardless of whether that is a a serious one-on-one relationship or if we're just you know doing the things, right? And this more importantly, they require less mental load. There's no teaching, uh, there's no mothering. They've been mothered. That generation has been mothered. They have had parents that have walked them through their lives that required they come home before the lights turned on on the street. So we were out there just screwing shit up. We were feral, exactly. And when these I find that younger men are definitely a little more in tune with that and thoughtfulness and respectfulness and yeah, just all of that. There are no situations that I feel like I need to make a PowerPoint for in order to walk them through the steps of how to communicate and connect and what what my needs look like. There just doesn't seem to be any of that. They also text back, plan dates.
AmberSo do you find so your 50s? Do you find men in their 40s like all of them that you've met are more like this? No. Okay. Okay.
VickiYeah, not all. I mean, again, that's an absolute. We don't work in absolutes here at Not Save for Brunches. Fair, fair, fair. The majority, do you find are like that? Um, I find that the younger into the 40s, yes, 45 up, there's still a little bit of uh push-pull, but they're definitely more aware and open. I would say the early 40s, 44, 44, and under, um, late 30s. I should have girls. I do find that there's little to no hand holding. Um, it's just comfortable conversation. They are, again, they are they're typically open to talking about, you know, whatever. They're they want to have the conversation. They want to to make it make sense. I like that. So the bar's not in hell, it's not that low. It's just kind of visible now, which is you can see the bar.
CoralieAll right. Well, let's play a game, you guys. Let's play something called bare minimum or true partnership. And we are gonna separate efforts from optics, and I want you to play along at home. Okay. So we're gonna play it here at the brunch table, but play along at home. So scenario number one, he texts you good morning beautiful every single day, but he never plans a date. Is that the bare minimum? Or is that true partnership? Bare minimum. Yeah, yeah. I'm going with bare minimum.
VickiYeah, 100%. I don't need to text good morning, beautiful, every day. How many of those are you sending, sir? Right? Please, please plan something. Yeah, I don't, I don't, yeah. I I don't need to, I don't need to be checking my phone for another person every morning. I got no time for that. So rude. Yeah.
CoralieYeah. I mean, I will say my husband does text me that every day or every night, depending if he's on day shift, night shift. And it's been so long that he's been doing that. If he Doesn't I'm like, what's going on? Absolutely. Different scenario. But he does other things too, right? So it's not just a it's just a thing he does. But in general, consistency in texting isn't a relationship, it's a notification, especially because you can auto text, you could just set that up so that you never have to do it. Right? Okay. Wait a minute, I should try that. I'm just kidding. Oh my god. So scenario number two, you're overwhelmed. And he says, just tell me what you need and I'll do it. Bare minimum or true partnership?
AmberI I like it. I'm not gonna lie. I see Vicky's face and she's like, I like it. Seriously, I was having a day last week, and uh the following day everything just got done, and he's like, I know you were having a day yesterday, and uh I just did the things I wanted to make your day better today. Yeah, that's cool. So, like, yeah, I think that's awesome.
VickiI like it with context. I like it with context. I don't want somebody who just wants to fix all my problems um because I think what happens is that then that becomes something that is a whole part of their mental load that they have to fix my shit. And it bothers me, but again, remember lived experience creates our perspective.
CoralieSo yeah. Yeah, I think that um it's sort of mid-tier bare minimum. I think that when you are telling someone what to do, that is mental load, right? That is the mental load, and the mental load is what most of us need to release in order to de-stress. I appreciate willingness, but you know, if I have to delegate it, I'm still doing a lot of the work for it.
AmberUm fair, fair. Yeah. In my scenario, I didn't delegate anything, it just happened. Yeah.
CoralieAnd that's like perfect. The tone was set, you know. And I'm not talking about like I'll sit down and be like, okay, these are the things we have to get done. You know, it's April. We have to do get the tomatoes out. We got a power wash, you know, I just make the lists like that. Um, but I I'm not saying you have to do this and you have to. I'm just making lists and we just tackle the list. Um, I don't have to say the house is a mess. I don't have to tell him what to do. He has eyeballs.
VickiRight. You can't find your your favorite cup. Try the dishwasher. Oh, it didn't get started? Try starting it.
CoralieRight. Like no, sometimes he gets so ahead of the game. I get mad at him because he'll run the dishwasher and I'll be like, I had things to put in there that I had hiding.
AmberHe'll be like, damn it. Do not complain. I'm not gonna say not complain. Yeah, this is it. Do not complain.
CoralieOh, I'm not. I'm just complaining to you guys and you audience. Don't tell my student that's okay.
VickiHe notices you've had a long week, books a reservation, and handles the logistics without asking. True freaking partnerships. Oh my gosh, yeah.
CoralieI think I heard an organism just hearing that.
VickiYeah, tell me what to pack and I'll be there. Yeah, just tell me what weather I'm packing for.
CoralieMake sure my toys are charged, put them in the suitcase.
AmberYes, ma'am. Oh my gosh, you guys, we talked about this already, and uh, so he does the dishes and expects praise like he just called. We did talk about that.
CoralieI mean, that's the bare fucking minimum, that's below bare minimum. Yeah, yeah, totally, and if you think about it too, like how many women have felt unappreciated because they've been doing that shit for years and years and years, and then you know, they get no acknowledgement for it, or someone expects, oh well, I remembered to bring you flowers on Mother's Day or Valentine's Day, so that's my appreciation. Fuck that shit.
VickiYeah, yeah. I will tell you, there was something really interesting that happened when I got divorced. Um, and I realized that if something wasn't right, it was because I didn't do it. And it said so much about my previous life to me. I was just like, whew, you know what? That is filthy. I need to clean that. But I have nobody to blame but myself, and there was just so much autonomy in that. I was like, hmm, I'll get to it when I get to it. You know what I mean? And it was just it was like one of those things, but I felt good that I wasn't worried about whether or not somebody thought I was or wasn't working. And I I mean, I had a relationship where I could be in the same place when they got home as when they left in the morning, but they had no idea what I did in the middle, which is the story of every mom everywhere. The one million things you did between 8 a.m. when they left and 5 p.m. when they walked in, all they saw was that you were sitting when they went out, and you were sitting when you walked when they walked in, right? And and it's just so unfortunate, but that's guys, that's eroding, right? That will erode. Yeah. He remembers your big meeting, checks in after, and celebrates you without uh making it about him. Yes, yes, partnership for sure. Yeah, yes, ma'am. Yeah, and I mean, and in the same terms, you know, I would turn around in that situation situation be like, Well, what happened with you, right? Or when there was something to celebrate with another person, I would be wanting to make a big deal of that too, right? That's I love that. Yeah, my husband does that. Um, if I have something big going on. I try really, really hard because of course I'm in this interesting era, but I try really, really hard to look at how I communicate with my female friendships, um, my wives, as I call them, and even you guys. And I think how am I communicating? What am I sharing when something is going on in your lives? I make sure that's in my calendar too, so that I can check back in. I mean, I'm not, I I don't remember everything. I'm in my 50s, please. So it goes in my calendar, you know. If something's going, if something's going on with you, it's in my calendar. And I'm checking in. And how are things going? And how did that, you know, I would do that for the women in my life that I care about so incredibly deeply. I do it for male friends. Why wouldn't I do it for someone that I was in a partnership with? Of course I would.
CoralieThat's a good idea to put it in your calendar. I need to do that all the time.
VickiYeah, he actively works on himself, therapy, reflection, growth without you having to beg for it. I am hot. I am bothered. Yeah, we might need to take a break.
AmberMm-hmm. Yep. Definitely true partnership. That growth is like super sexy. Just give it really, yeah. All right, and our last one, he says, I've never met anyone like you, and then proceeds to treat you like everyone else.
CoralieThose are words, they're just words.
VickiWords mean nothing.
CoralieLike that's the thing is words mean nothing if there's no action behind the words, right? So bare minimum.
VickiI always say, you know what? Sometimes sometimes actions are one thing and words are opposite. It's really hard because you have to figure out which one you need to be following. Um, and for me, it's always words. I'm always going to believe what you say to me. So I'm gonna listen really carefully. For me, that's my that's the my regulator. For me, it's actions. Yeah, I buy into the action when the words match. Do you know what I mean? I don't know why that is. It's so funny. It's backwards, yeah.
AmberWe're so score yourself accordingly. If you've realized things, you're welcome and we're sorry.
VickiRight back to the original question: are our dating standards too high? Or are we just no longer accepting a consistency as personality, avoidance as masculinity, and bare minimum as effort? Because here's the truth the standards didn't change, the tolerance did. And if that feels intimidating, good, good. That means that we're finally asking the right questions. It's 2026 where your standards are valid, your peace is protected, and your dating life is no longer a community service project.
AmberThanks for pulling up a seat at the Taboo Talk Not Safe for Brunch Table. If today's episode made you laugh, think, or squirm a little, do us a solid, follow, rate, and leave a review. It's the podcast version of a good tip.
VickiWhile we're unfiltered conversations, hit the link in the show notes and sign up for our weekly newsletter. It's the stuff that didn't make it on the air.
CoralieUntil next time, keep it bold, keep it curious, and definitely keep it not safe for brunch.