Midlife Revolution Unleashed

Breaking Free: The Art of Visibility in Midlife

• Stacy M. Lewis & Wayne Dawson • Season 2 • Episode 57

Share episode

Send us a text

Wayne and Stacy tackle the challenge of invisibility in midlife, exploring how cultural conditioning and past experiences can lead us to silence our voices and minimize our presence.

  • Invisibility stems from being taught to "small up yourself" and prioritize others' voices over your own
  • The roots often trace back to childhood lessons about being "seen not heard" or gender expectations
  • Invisibility prevents healing and growth because "we cannot heal what we do not reveal"

The STEP OUT framework offers practical strategies for reclaiming visibility:
S - See yourself first
T - Tell your truth
E - Express clearly, don't assume
P - Practice boundaries
O - Own your presence
U - Undo the training
T - Take up space

  • Taking up space applies physically, vocally, emotionally, and in your digital footprint
  • Public speaking opportunities like Toastmasters can help develop confidence in being seen and heard

Reflect: "What part of me has been hiding?"

Connect with Coach Wayne at viptransformativelivingcom or DM him for a free ebook: "Breaking Free: Discover your Purpose, Power and Prosperity at Midlife." 

Connect with Coach Stacy at thestacymlewiscom.

You are the Revolution!

Subscribe @CoachStacyMLewis and @CoachWayneVIP

💃🏽Stacy M. Lewis
🌍 thestacymlewis.com
Schedule a Connecting Conversation
LinkedIn | Facebook | Instagram | YouTube

🎩Wayne Dawson
🌍 viptransformativeliving.com
Book a Discovery Call
LinkedIn | Facebook | Instagram

Spotify, Apple, iHeartRadio, Amazon

Wayne:

you've just stepped into the midlife revolution, unleashed your space to ignite possibility, redefine purpose and embrace the power that comes with age and experience, co-hosted by yours truly coach and I'm coach stacy m lewis.

Stacy:

we are two season coaches focused on the midlife community of color. This isn't just a podcast. It's a movement in a world that sometimes forgets the power and the wisdom that comes with age. We are here to ignite a revolution and rewrite the narrative of this incredible journey of this incredible journey.

Wayne:

So, whether you're navigating your career, growing your business, rediscovering passions or challenging the status quo, this is your space. So buckle up, let's dive into the Midlife Revolution Unleashed. And we are unleashed for yet another episode. Hello everyone.

Stacy:

This is midlife revolution on leash, with your coach, wayne dawson, the vip coach and stacy m lewis, it is a pleasure to be here and welcome to you all to this evening's Midlife Revolution Unleashed. Wayne and I are really excited about this topic. But before we dive in, I will introduce myself. I am Stacey M Lewis. I am a nonprofit executive, a midlife women's coach and a lover of God and his people. Wayne, introduce yourself to the people.

Wayne:

Just call me Coach Wayne, the VIP coach. I help men in midlife navigate midlife so that their second half can be their best half. And, stacey, I don't know. Today you're excited, as I am too, about what we're going to wrap about, and that is stepping out of the shadows, battling in invisibility in midlife. What do we mean by that, stacey?

Stacy:

Yeah, absolutely. I'm excited about this topic because a number of women that I coach experience invisibility, and my coaching instructor actually calls it part of the invisible glass ceiling. So invisibility is when we are sensing, really, that we need to stay the shadows or behind the scenes and play it small or not really show our power in any given situation. So I'm excited about this subject because I believe that it is going to really bless a number of our listeners and those that we both coach individually as well.

Wayne:

What say you, sir Stacey. I oftentimes tell folks to step out and stand up. Stand out, speak out, speak up. And I say this all the time, both to my personal friends, family and the people that I coach, my clients. You want to be present and you want to make sure that you're accounted for everywhere you show up. And that doesn't mean taking all the air out of the room and just chatting too much. It just means standing tall and representing yourself a hundred percent.

Stacy:

That's right Stepping out of the shadows and really being seen as who you are, where you are, and letting your voice be heard. So let's jump on in, sir Wayne, let's do it.

Stacy:

Let's help our listening audience explore the roots of invisibility. Explore the roots of invisibility. I'll certainly jump in and talk about the experience from that of a woman be quiet or demure or stay back and really silence our voices. We don't want to be perceived, or at least as we were growing up we didn't want to be perceived or ever told that we were too much, that our voices were not to be heard, and so that transitions into adulthood where there's a practice of silence, a practice of allowing our voices to be stifled by the other voices in the room.

Wayne:

And Stacey, we're talking about the midlife group which spans actually across more than a decade of age group. But that group typically grew up with parents who kind of said children must be seen and not heard, and so there was that idea of what respect meant. Right, You're around adults and you can be seen but not heard. And so we learned early to kind of, as we say in Jamaica, small up yourself.

Stacy:

Wow, but what a powerful antithesis of what it is we're talking about right To small up yourself and where we're really talking about playing your biggest game stepping out of that smalling up of yourself and into a space where you are visible, where you are seen, where you are heard and where you are an active contributor to the activity, the conversation, and Stacey men a lot of men that I work with also come with this idea of being stoic and not presenting themselves fully.

Wayne:

As far as you know, sitting back and kind of taking it all in is a cool strategy for showing up and that really prevents us oftentimes from being in the game that really prevents us oftentimes from being in the game.

Stacy:

Yeah, yeah, being in the game is critical, and I think that both genders are often, whether it be taught or fall into a pattern of being more aware of the needs and the voice of others than that of their own, and that attention is always externally focused, right Like, oh. It even impacts our confidence looking at others, listening to others and as they walk in their authenticity, and we're feeling this sense of invisibility or playing small that it then causes us to question whether we belong in the room at the table, and so really starting to pluck apart these roots of invisibility, whether it be that training to be stoic or have that tough exterior. You, Wayne, often talk about men being taught that vulnerability is a weakness and really having to shift that mindset.

Wayne:

I don't know if you want to dig into that just a little bit as a root of invisibility dig into that just a little bit as a root of invisibility. Thank you, stacey, great point. So a lot of men feel that being manly, being masculine, being a leader, is about holding back as far as their authenticity when it comes to like emotions being displayed, and so, with the pain that so many of our brothers carry, a lot of it is generational trauma. There's this tendency for men in that space to be invisible, to hold on to their own stuff and not share with others, and you can't get help, you can't heal if you can't be seen and if you can't name what you're going through.

Stacy:

Absolutely. We cannot heal what we do not reveal, and so this conversation about invisibility is an important one for everyone to really just begin to ask themselves can they relate to this concept of invisibility and when they might be feeling invisible or like they need to play it small in certain situations, when that may not be the truth?

Wayne:

Yeah, that may not be the truth.

Stacy:

Yeah, stacey let's introduce to the folks our step out framework. Gladly, Wayne, we are happy to introduce to our Midlife Revolution Unleashed listening audience our steps to becoming visible again and our newly designed Step Out framework. So I will start with the S of Step Out, and that is to see yourself first. We really just talked about how we're often outward, facing and looking at the needs and the presence of others. But to really flip that, to look at ourselves first and whether it is mirroring, working in your own mirror, journaling, but to really begin to presence your own needs, your own desires and your own voice, that's S see yourself first.

Wayne:

Right and T is about telling the truth. We talked about that Opening up and speak to your truth. What do you really desire? What do you want? Stacey, I'll tell you. I had a close friend and a colleague that wanted to have a recommendation drawn up for their social media, and so they wrote their truth.

Wayne:

Now I'm not saying that it's far-fetched and I don't know this person's qualification, but they voiced it in a way that they wanted to be seen and heard and I edited, but at least I had a track to go on telling her truth.

Stacy:

Yes, yes, yes. I love the telling the truth because often, even as we sit in a room, we don't want the truth of our thoughts, of our perspective, of our voice to hit the table. So I agree with you, wayne tell the truth, even if your voice shakes. And before we go on to that lovely letter E let's say good evening to one of our favorite people, sister Audrey. Hey, welcome, we appreciate you.

Wayne:

Good evening, Sister Audrey.

Stacy:

Let's jump into E. Express clearly and don't assume. What we're meaning here is to speak your needs, not hint at them. I'm sure we can talk about how those hints impact relationships when you expect someone to be reading your mind or really understand the little hint or the crumb that you're leaving. Express clearly, really Don't leave hints. Speak your needs, speak your voice, amplify it.

Wayne:

I like that. I like the idea that you don't leave others to kind of guess where you need to be, what you want. If, for example, in the world of work, you desire a promotion, if you desire to be on another sprint team or task group, you should ask for it. Let people know that this is where you want to grow and have some experience.

Stacy:

Yes, yes, express those needs.

Wayne:

They say the P is about practicing boundaries. I wrote something about this recently on my LinkedIn, and the idea of boundaries shows not just your own. Well, it's about, first of all, self-respect right Marking off your boundaries, allowing people to know how you want to be treated and your expectations in terms of the length and depth that they can work with you or not, or have relationships with you, and I think this is so important because this allows you to be seen in the framework that you want to belong.

Stacy:

Yes, yes, you don't have to disappear in order to stay safe. Right when you establish boundaries, you're really able to let others know how you want to be treated, as well as let them know, as Sister Audrey would say please tell me what you want, don't have me guessing that practicing of the boundaries make sure that you're able to begin to step more into your own self and into your own voice, because you have determined how far you're going to let others encroach on that.

Wayne:

Are you up Stacey with the O?

Stacy:

I think, so I'll go. It is O is for own your presence. Walk in the room like you belong, sit up forward, lean in Remember when that book came out. Lean in, own your presence. It really can be powerful when you own it.

Wayne:

Yeah, you know I tell brothers all the time about recognizing their position, their royalty, so to speak Like a king and to behave and speak and act like one, think like one. You know we talked about that, stacey. We talked about becoming the future self, the idea self, before you're there, that's, owning your presence.

Stacy:

Absolutely, absolutely. I mean we are sons and daughters of the most high, which means we are not to be playing it small, but to really be bringing our full selves to the table. Good evening, delaine. Thank you so much for joining us at the Midlife Revolution Unleashed Howdy. Delaine, no apologies, you are here. We appreciate the support.

Wayne:

And there is you, which is undo the training and what we mean by that. So a lot of the way we show up has to do with how we probably were raised or stuff that we got along the way from our schooling, perhaps our organization groups, our religious practices and sometimes it's important for us to shed that. If it's a limiting belief or presence, we have to undo those things because they shackle us to the shadows and we want to release that. And so we got to give ourselves permission, Stacey, to undo that training and that thinking that keeps you in the dark.

Stacy:

Absolutely, wayne. Often you and I are really talking about what someone's mind is set on. Right, we say mindset coaching, but it really is about what someone's mind is set on and if you are set on the story that's going through your brain, all of the time is set on you playing it small or withdrawing to the corner or acknowledging someone else's needs and voice before your own and voice before your own. That is what needs to be rewired right To really understand why you're playing it small, so that you can begin to dismantle that untruth and really begin to step into your authentic, visible self. So I really like that undo, the training. It could also be the undo, the narrative, that's causing you to play it small.

Wayne:

Yes, I'm just flicking around here Stace, trying to see if I can grab on visitors that we may have joining us on the other platforms platforms Absolutely Welcome to the world those eyes.

Wayne:

And then Stacey, we can double up on this one. It's take up space, Take up space Again. You don't want to be the guy who just takes the air out of the room by just assuming you are on stage and nobody else exists, but taking up space. You know, I remember back in the days taking the subways in New York, Stacey and I would sit and make myself so at home, so comfortable, that if the train was crowded, of course people would ask you to move over, but I didn't. There were people who would sit on the train and sort of sat on the edge of their seats and squashed up against the railing.

Wayne:

Well, yes, you can be polite to have people with you, but take up space, Make yourself at home, not to put everything all over and put your feet up at home, not to put everything all over and put your feet up. But the idea that you are not good enough to represent yourself and take a seat and be comfortable is a problem, I think.

Stacy:

Absolutely that take up space physically is important. We often talk about amplifying your voice, so take up space vocally, make your thoughts, your opinions known to your earlier point, not in a way that's irrelevant or disrespectful, but in a way that starts to get your voice heard, even by your own self, allowing yourself to hear your voice at a table, in a meeting, in a conversation, in a way that is authentic. Really taking up that space is important, as well as taking up space emotionally. No, not the emotional breakdown type of thing, no, not the emotional breakdown type of thing, but really taking up space and not pressing or suppressing your emotions in a situation in a way that has them go totally unaddressed.

Wayne:

Take up space, touch a little bit, segue a little bit on the idea of being visible in the remote world, because so many of us are remotely involved. And so to speak. To this. It may look like improving your profile and using words, phrases, that resonates On this show. For example, stacey, we do a search for hashtags. Right, that's important. Writing a blog, our podcast, all of that is making us visible and there's nothing stopping you, as a person on social media, for utilizing these resources to show up and not be invisible.

Stacy:

Take up space. I love that and how it aligns with taking up space with your voice, taking up space with your digital footprint, right In a way that's meaningful not just posting foolishness all over the place, but taking up space with your social footprint. I love that, wayne. Thank you so much for adding that. Before we jump into any sense of how our faith can really engage in this process, what do you think about reviewing our step-out framework?

Wayne:

Yeah, let's do that, Stace.

Stacy:

Okay, s is for see yourself first.

Wayne:

Oh, you want me to jump in. T is to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth About what you want. E is to express clearly Do not assume P practice boundaries. P-tum-tum, you got to have a sound effect.

Stacy:

Stacey, we're getting a good way in the sound machine. O own your presence.

Wayne:

You undo that learning. T take up space, Take up space yeah there is our step out framework.

Stacy:

That is the step out framework of the midlife revolution. Do not be surprised if you see Wayne and I really pushing that out because we believe it could be of value to you visibility. The story of Hagar comes up and for those of you you know maybe you're not in the basic instructions, before leaving earth, hagar was basically an indentured servant and she was instructed to sleep with Abraham and carry a child because Abraham's wife could not. And long story short, you know Sarah, abraham's wife. She regretted that decision and then she put Hagar and Hagar's son out in the street or the desert.

Stacy:

You know Bible days, but the reality is is that through her journey, she realized that God sees her and her, presencing herself before God. She termed God or named God, pulled out the character of God, which is Jehovah Rohi, the God who sees me, and so we are seen and we are here to be seen. Each of us designed and created uniquely, and so we are here to be seen and should be free to live out loud, to press beyond invisibility and step out of the shadows. What say you, sir Wayne?

Wayne:

Love what you're saying, Stace. We touched a little bit on the remote visibility.

Stacy:

Yes, but in the real world.

Wayne:

We're not always remote and there are some opportunities, as we're going to get into some call to actions, there are opportunities to stepping out as well, becoming parts of organizations and associations and attending community events, those kinds of things and networking events. So we can touch on those as we get into the call to actions.

Stacy:

Go for it, wayne. I think that it's really important to be able to give our audience that opportunity to hear how they can move forward if they're struggling with invisibility even if it's not invisibility in every area of their lives, but it could be invisibility on the job. It could be invisibility in social media as you're presencing your business yes, I'm talking to myself. It could be invisibility in your family dynamics, where you just feel like your voice is not respected or not heard. So I think it's a great time, sir Wayne, to talk about some calls to action.

Wayne:

Yeah, thanks, stacey. Sometimes just by you talk about family, just by volunteering to stay back to clean up at an event or be on the committee to put together the family reunion you know is important, it's making sure that you're not invisible and taking some accountability and responsibility. Here's one that people are very fearful of public speaking, you know. Get out there and just, it's easier said than done, but do it. You know nobody goes to listen to a public speaker to see them foul up right, because everybody wants to have a good time and nobody wants to have a bad event. So folks are already behind you and that's one way to show up and to be visible out there.

Stacy:

Yeah, Wayne, I know that you have been involved over time in Toastmasters. You mentioned public speaking. Do you consider that to be a valuable resource for those that may be a little bit more reserved or hesitant for public speaking?

Wayne:

Absolutely Toastmasterscom, and there's a Toastmasters within 10 square miles of where you live. I almost guarantee that, unless you're so far gone in the boondocks that you got to swim out. But for the most part you'll find a Toastmasters, toastmasters International and there's some other opportunities that you can find elsewhere, I'm sure, but the Toastmasters clubs they welcome folks, you can shop around. In other words, you don't have to be a pain member and it's less than I think $60, $70 per six months, I think to join most clubs and when you go to Toastmasters you have mentors and you have people who are going to help you. It's a leadership development opportunity as well.

Stacy:

I love it, I love it, and Sister Audrey is like that's me. We got you, sis, you got this too, this opportunity. I think you talked about the speaking piece. It's also one of those situations where you know the competence is what ignites the confidence, and we're only going to develop the competence by getting out there and doing it. So if it is that public speaking or letting your voice be heard, you know, forward is the way and let's do a little, let's provide a couple of questions that our community can really think about, as they are dealing with or facing invisibility. And one is, and one is what part of me has been hiding, to ask yourself what part of you has been hiding.

Wayne:

Maybe it's your voice. Maybe it's your professional voice, your personal voice. It could be your presence, but ask yourself what part of you has been hiding. Yeah, and we talked a little bit about this using the hashtags to tell your story. Um Stace, when we prepare for this show, we ask chat if we go that route to help us to create hook titles. Yes, and so that's a great way to be visible as well. You know, uh, those align with your SEOs. They're common terms that people want to look for.

Stacy:

Correct, and certainly for those of you that use those hashtags in your social posts, you can hashtag Midlife Revolution Unleashed. Let's get that generating. We really believe that it's so important for our audience to remember it is not too late. You are not too old to be seen, to be heard, to really present yourself in a way that is meaningful. Hey, hey, sister Kelly, coach Kelly, elder Kelly never too late. Yes, catch the replay. We'd love to hear your thoughts. Hey, Chanel.

Wayne:

Sister Chanel, I want to holler at you too for jumping in.

Stacy:

Thank you, chanel. So we've spent the evening, or this episode, really talking about stepping out of the shadows and stepping into visibility, really breaking down that inner glass ceiling that says your voice shouldn't be heard or you should not be seen, whether it be as an authority or as an active contributor to a conversation, a project, anything moving forward. Our heart's desire is that you realize that invisibility is not God's plan or design for you, and so that you begin to take these opportunities, connect with a coach. Wayne is available, I am available. The heart's desire is that you step into the full presence, the full authenticity of who you are, who you are designed to be. Don't leave anything on the table and if invisibility is holding you back, grab on to the right support so that you can step into full visibility, present yourself and make your mark.

Wayne:

Great Stacey. As midlifers, we come with lived experience and vast amount of knowledge. We've been there, we've walked a lot of the walk and we're halfway there, just about, and so sometimes when we are afraid to show up because we have either that imposter syndrome or we figure we just are going to fail, it's important to remember that those are things that we come with and you don't have to. Even as a coach, I don't know more than the CEO that I'm coaching about his business, but he doesn't have to have me know more than he does. One idea, one idea around his blind spot that's revealed can trigger him or her to the next level, and so if you have visibility, by just believing in yourself and showing up, you can make a difference as a preceptor, as a mentor as a coach, as an advisor.

Stacy:

Do it afraid. Do it afraid, brother Curtis, you never, ever owe us an apology. We are sorry you didn't see that notification, but you know you are such an important part of the Midlife Revolution Unleashed community. We're glad you were able to hop in and encourage you to catch the replay, as we encourage all of our audience to do.

Wayne:

I'm going to correct you. That's for you. All the people who came late got to give me $10, Stacey, that's how it's going to work now.

Stacy:

Oh, my Okay. That was not something that Wayne and I agreed upon, but now that he said it publicly, I will let Wayne share how everyone is going to send that 10 bucks. What are we going to do with it? Who are we going to give it to Wayne? We would have to. We would have to give it away, right so to some, to some valuable cause.

Wayne:

Yeah, the VIP coach fund.

Stacy:

Let us pray.

Wayne:

We're getting out of here. How can they reach you, Coach Stacey?

Stacy:

Oh, you know those of you that are connected with me on Facebook and or LinkedIn. You certainly know that you website, thestacymlewiscom. Be visible. Y'all what you got, sir Wayne.

Wayne:

Stacey. They can visit me, dm me and you can see through my website, viptransformativelivingcom, or my email address. But DM me. I have a giveaway, Stacey. I'd love to give folks, if they DM me, my free ebook. It's Breaking Free Discover your Purpose, power and Prosperity at Midlife and listen, why not? And it's a freebie, come and get it.

Stacy:

Why not? Why not? Sister Kelly said that we can donate that $10 that the latecomers have acknowledged to St Louis Tornado Relief Absolutely a cause that we are currently supporting. As the people of St Louis recover from a significant tornado, we want to remind you that it's your time to shine. Step out of the shadows, do what it is you need to do to battle invisibility in midlife. You are here to make a mark and a difference. Thank you so much for joining us. Coach Wayne, do you have anything to say to the people before we sign off?

Wayne:

I'm hungry. It's dinner time, I'm out.

Stacy:

Oh boy, okay, see y'all next week, folks. God bless y'all. Thank you so much for joining us at the Midlife Revolution Unleashed.

Wayne:

And there you have it, folks. This week's episode of the Midlife Revolution Unleashed. Hey, we truly appreciate your spending this time in this space with us. Join us next week at the same time as we dive into relevant topics and present solutions to spark new thinking and empower your midlife journey.

Stacy:

And don't forget if you enjoyed today's episode, let us know in the comments and share it with others. And, of course, remember to subscribe, share like. Hit that notification bell. You are the midlife revolution unleashed. I'm Coach Stacey and I'm cheering you on.

Wayne:

And I'm Coach Wayne and I'll see you at the top.