Building Belonging

On Volume 3 of Student Life Radio, we sit down with UEL's very own Regina Everitt to talk about the concept of belonging, UEL's Belonging Framework, developing a sense of who you are, and the importance of community. 
 

Regina Everitt is Assistant Chief Operating Officer & Director of Library, Archives and Learning Services. She began her professional career as a technical author/trainer working with computer companies that developed software for the manufacturing, pharmaceutical and financial sectors in the US and UK.  After managing a small library at a university in West Africa as a volunteer with the United States Peace Corps, she transitioned into the HE sector developing and managing libraries, social learning spaces, and other learning resources.  She is a member of boards of professional bodies, including the Adult Literacy Trust. She co-edited Narrative Expansions:  Interpreting Decolonisation in Academic Libraries and Privileged Spaces:  Academic Libraries in University Estates Strategy, which will be published in December 2024. 

Want to listen to Regina's playlist? Listen to it here. 

Transcript

Regina Everitt: 0:00

Hello.

Ezi Odozor: 0:00

Hi, Regina. How are you?

Regina Everitt: 0:02

I'm good. Thanks.

Ezi Odozor: 0:03

Good. Welcome to Student Life radio, and we're so happy to have you today on today's episode where we'll be talking about belonging. So why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself.

Regina Everitt: 0:12

Right! So, Regina Everett, Assistant Chief Operating Officer, service excellence and Director of Library Archives and Learning Services. So quite a mouthful of a title, but essentially is what's one of the 10. So I have strategic responsibility for running the Library and Archive services, but I also have cross institution responsibility for a range of projects, of which the belonging work, development of the belonging framework, is one of the tasks that I worked on.

Ezi Odozor: 0:42

And who are you outside of UEL?

Regina Everitt: 0:43

[Sigh] sort of, I'm a mom, I'm a wife, you know, a range of things, of a person who's very much interested in the arts. That's kind of my happy place, music, theater, spoken word, dance, anything that has to do with the arts. I quite enjoy.

Ezi Odozor: 0:58

I love arts as well myself. And so those are some of your interests. And so where are you from?

Regina Everitt: 1:02

I'm from Philadelphia, West Philly, in particular. So that may sound familiar to some people. So yeah, not very far from where Will Smith grew up, and we also went to the same secondary school, but we were in different years.

Ezi Odozor: 1:15

Fun fact. [laughter] So since we're talking about belonging, today's episode, what does belonging mean to you?

Regina Everitt: 1:24

Belonging means a place where I feel safe. People get me. I feel that included in whatever activities are happening. And yeah, I have a sense of community as well. That's what it feels like to belong to me.

Ezi Odozor: 1:40

Yeah, and I think it's interesting that you said it's a place where you feel like you belong. And that place doesn't necessarily have to be one place or a standard that's somewhere that you are all the time. So it can be a place with people, a place created by an experience. Maybe, what are some of the places and spaces that you create that you feel like you most belong?

Regina Everitt: 1:59

Well, certainly with my family and friends so at home, you know, so So within my own home space, but externally, I feel like I belong. I hang out a lot at I do a lot at the south bank center, and I really feel like I belong there. I think they do a fantastic job of exposing local communities to a range of art forms. And I've, you know, taken my son to events there throughout his life. So I definitely feel that I belong there, and they have opportunities for you to take part part in events. So I quite enjoy that. I feel that I belong here at University of East London. I've now been here for just over six years, I feel that I've got some fantastic and supportive colleagues, but it's a space where I feel that we can challenge and we can agree to disagree. So I will say I also belong at UEL.

Ezi Odozor: 2:53

that agree to disagree I think is really important, because it's not just about, you know, when you all get along and everything else good, it's who can I? Can I be who I am and not agree with you, and you still feel like a safe space, or at least a place where I can be brave? So I think that's really important. I feel like I belong in coffee shops. Like, that's, that's one of my places that I feel really,

Regina Everitt: 3:13

Really?

Ezi Odozor: 3:14

Yeah, I feel like really connected to my own sense of, like, creativity and self. There's just something about, like, when I pick where I want to live, I think about, okay, what are the nearest coffee shops so I can just like, sit and have a drink and see interesting people and write a

Regina Everitt: 3:27

I definitely love people watching, [chukle] thing. but it's interesting when I look at communities, and when I first moved to the UK, to determine the best place to live, my test is whether or not I could find Essence magazine [laughter] which, and for those people who don't know Essence magazine, it's a magazine about for black women, and it's fashion culture, well being. And I grew up reading Essence magazine as matter of fact, when I was 12 years old, I tried to send an article to essence. It got rejected. But, I mean, I didn't hold that against them. I continued to read their magazine. So that's, that's the test for me that tells me whether or not I belong in that community, or whether or not I need to go further up the road.

Ezi Odozor: 4:11

I like that one.[laughter] I'm gonna have to borrow that Essence magazine test. That's a good one. I have to refine my coffee shop selection based off of that. I like that! you talked about developing the belonging framework here at UEL. So can you tell us a little bit more about that framework?

Regina Everitt: 4:30

Okay, okay, so there's a no shortage of research about about belonging. But essentially, the research says that if a student feels like they belong in a place, if they're included in the place, they're more likely to stay. So that goes to the heart of the university's aspirations to make sure that we keep our students and support them to success. So that was sort of the reason why we wanted to develop a framework. But we know that belonging is very contextual. It's Individual! And so we wanted to come up with a common language that we could use across the university when we're talking about initiatives to help students to belong. So we looked at it through, say, four lenses, actually, so a sense of community. So how can we help students to develop sense of community? And again, it always starts with the course, but there are also other connectors around the university, such as the Students Union, student services. You know, of the work that you guys are doing here in Student Life to help students feel that they've got a sense of community. The next one is about care and support. Who are the key connectors beyond the course that can help students with their well being, and if they need additional support with their course, or if they are having money problems or housing problems, the next lens is around competence. And again, that goes back to the heart of the course, but it's helping people to develop their skills and their practice. And so in addition to the course, you may have people within the library teams to help people with research skills, digital skills, information skills, career services to help people really start to think, you know, where do I want to go? What sort of skills do I need to develop so that I can be successful? Whether it whether that's in, you know, progressing to and further education or higher education, or whether it's starting your own business. And then a final one, which is the most important one for me, is around confidence. I'm a person who really believes in individual agency, and I want to see our students get to the point where they are confident, so that they are making decisions about what they want to do with their life, what the success look for them. And one of the research is, I can share some of the research that we looked at, but one element of research talked about the importance of helping students to develop the skills so that they can support their own belongings. And there'll be reasons why. You know, students may be motivated to belong in certain groups and not other groups. Also, with confidence, for me, you can take the decision not to belong in groups. I don't believe that you need to be involved in everything. You don't. You may not want to be involved in group A or group A will only be useful for a certain period or certain element of your life, and for other elements of your life you may want to belong in other groups. So that's the lens. Those are the lenses through which we look through this particular framework as we developed it, and those, that's the language we want to try to use throughout the university so that we can connect those initiatives and those key connectors with those lenses.

Ezi Odozor: 7:39

So in terms of then seeing how we as staff can operate along that framework to support those kind of competencies in a student, and then a student being able to see how they can actually engage in those ways,

Regina Everitt: 7:50

Absolutely!

Ezi Odozor: 7:52

And so obviously, you know, when we talk about belonging, some people think about it as like sameness, right? And so we all just hang together. We're all in the pool together. But I did like how you touched on notion of agency as being key in belonging. So you've kind of already spoken spoken about it, but if we can just parse that out a little bit more to talk about how do belonging and uniqueness individuality go together.

Regina Everitt: 8:14

It's interesting. I do think that there's skills that we help to help our students develop about the social competence, the emotional to tell intelligence, the cultural competence, so that one can understand their how they identify themselves, the things that are important to them, and help them to make those connections. So I think that's the for me, is really about helping students to develop their skills and the confidence so that they can take those decisions themselves. It'll be up to an individual to determine what it means to belong.

Ezi Odozor: 8:52

I think, as you rightly said, I think a sense of self is really important, because then you know where you want to be, what spaces you want to belong in, and, as you said, for how long, for what purpose, and whether or not maybe you're that's cool, but I don't necessarily want to be there at this time for myself. So I think, yeah, that's really important. So I think coming to a sense of self is a journey. And so as a person who's journeyed both physically in terms of moving to different countries and different spaces and also along the path of a career, how do you create a sense of home and belonging in a journey? And how have you done it for yourself?

Regina Everitt: 9:23

Well, I always go back to my interests, because I have a sense of comfort when I, you know, sort of go to a place where there's arts and there's self expression from all different types of people, and I always feel comfortable in those environments. So that always feels like home to me, a place where people are free to express themselves. And I don't always want to be the performer. I like to be the person who sits back and enjoys hearing about people's stories, people's experience. So for me, that gives me a sense of comfort. So. You may say, Well, that's odd, because that means that you're comfortable among strangers. And the answer is yes. So that is home to me, being around individuals who are different, expressing themselves, and I'm learning things. So that's that's one thing. Now, when you think of personal safety and all of that and and comfort. Again, that's, that's whatever environment that you choose. Like in my case, it will always be my physical structure, which is my home, which has my family members in it, so and if I'm traveling or my own then, you know, then I'll just have to, again, attempt to go back to the comfort levels and go to the arts. If I happen to come to a city like I did when I first came to London so many years ago, I didn't know anybody. And so I had a physical structure, a place where I could feel safe. So I had my physical home, but I didn't have anyone in it except me. So I had to go to try to create my own family. And so the way I did that again was to go back to the arts. At that time, I happened to, just by going to a few events, came across a number of performance poets that I became friendly with, and they ended up being my sort of go to people where we can again express ourselves in in different ways and have deep conversations. Now I had my my job, but I'm very keen about keeping my work separate from my personal life. So even though I had, you know, my physical structure, my home, I had the thing that helped me to sustain myself. So that's my employment and my salary. But in terms of meeting people where I felt that I was included and I could express myself, that's where I went back to, to the arts,

Ezi Odozor: 11:53

I like that. I even like that as a kind of, I mean, we just talked about a framework as a kind of framework for a personal framework, and thinking about your rootedness in a physical space, your rootedness and in terms of how you, as you say, sustain yourself, in terms of the career, and then your rootedness in your your own personal values and interests, and allowing those to fuel kind of how you craft your your bigger picture of who you are and how you want to move through the world. And then, therefore, how you find spaces and make spaces to belong and build community. I really like that. I really like that. I think that's a, that's a, I think that's a good framework to keep in mind in terms of also just dealing with change, right? Because it allows you to have some kind of base stability about how you're going to move therefore, in the world. Yeah.

Regina Everitt: 12:37

Well, it's interesting, because if we look at that through our the lenses of the belonging framework, again, my sense of community is always the arts, and I know that with I will always, so far is this has been the case, but I would normally find somebody that I feel, who support me, who is supportive of me, that gives me that care and support. So that's the care lens I'm developing a craft. So if it was, if I'm at the time writing or doing performance poetry, that's my competence, and then that all of that gives me confidence to consider what works for me. Again, I'm a big city girl, so it feels comfortable for me to be lost in a crowd, and within the crowd, I always find my own tribe, and I know for other some people, you know, being lost in the crowd is absolutely not that's what works for me. [hesitant laugh] That's why I've always lived in big cities, because I really enjoyed getting lost in the crowd and finding new people, hearing stories, and from that, developing new communities, and then from that, I get that care and support that I need.

Ezi Odozor: 13:46

I'm a city girl myself too, and I do identify with that loving to meet new people. Or I think for me, part of the reason why I do like coffee shops is you see all you catch just moments in people's lives and those interesting conversations that I'd be having, and you just wonder, like, Who is this person who just talked about, you know, they went to the mall and saw this thing? Like, how did they get to the mall? How did they become that person? So I think, yeah, I do like the richness of strangers, and I do like the richness of other people's stories. So I definitely identify with, like, being in a city and being able to encounter that in terms of how people dress and how people talk. Yeah, I think that's that's really cool. Different times of day.[laughter]

Regina Everitt: 14:20

Well, it's funny that you you hang in a coffee Yeah, that's true!

Ezi Odozor: 14:22

We migrate to the coffee shop to the pub or the shop and I'm at a pub that's another store, different![laughter] wine bar, in my case, as well. So we kind of just talked about the richness of community and Student Life Radio is really about discovering the richness of our community. And trying to bring different students and different staff on here to talk about not just what we do for work, but kind of who we are. And so kind of touched on it already, but it's never is it's never too much, never, never, never too much hearing about community. So what is the significance of community in your life? We've already talked about who your community is, but. Maybe, how has that community specifically enriched you?

Regina Everitt: 15:02

Non judgmental support, learning from members of the community. I mean, I'm a lifelong learner, and I think one of the other beauties of sort of meeting strangers is that you learn new things from them. So that's what I get from communities. I mean, there's one other point that I think should be made. And I know our Dean of Students, Dr Michelle Morgan, often talks about mattering, because that's another concept that's well researched about whether or not alongside belonging, whether or not my presence matters. And that's another area that I think at some point we'll start to think about in more detail at the university. So yes, I feel that I belong at University of East London. I belong to this particular group. But does my opinion matter? If I weren't here, would that mean anything? So I think there's probably some work to be done in that space, in due course. Absolutely!

Ezi Odozor: 16:02

A true sense of community, I think, does have to So, yeah, I think that's that's really interesting, more to come on at, as you said. So obviously we can involve a sense of mattering, as you say, because does that community actually consider me important! get a lot from our communities, but I think we also have to be responsible in what we give to our community as well. So how do you think a person becomes a good member of a community?

Regina Everitt: 16:27

Now, I reflected on this question, and the analogy that came to my mind was putting your own sort of what is your air mask? If you're on a flight and something horrible happens and the old masks come down, making sure that you put your mask on first, because you are unable to help anyone else unless you yourself remain conscious, and I think that's very much the case about individual well being. I think to be a helpful, a good, supportive member of a community, you have to be sure that you look after yourself. And as a mom, often feel like that as well. I know that if I'm not on top of my game, or if I'm struggling, my household will struggle as well, because I may take things out on them. I'm not able to support them in a way that they need to be supported. So I think it's utterly important to be a good member of a community is and make sure that you look after yourself. I think emotional intelligence is useful, sort of understanding things that trigger you, understanding your limits and being honest. There's you know, sometimes members of your community may bring an issue to you that is completely out of your depth. You can try to be as empathetic as possible, but it may trigger you. There may be reasons why you won't be able to support them in whatever that issue happens to be. So I think being honest about your limitations and sharing that with members of the community being supportive and helping them to find other sources of support, I think are useful elements, but it you really do have to look after yourself first, otherwise you probably won't be of much use to others.

Ezi Odozor: 18:12

I think black feminist theory, it's radical self care. So I know we talk about self care nowadays. You think about that [laughter] which is, which is also good, which is also good, but a kind of inward look that really takes stock and takes scope of where you're at, and as you say, what your limitations are and what your needs are to to be able to voice those needs, to be able to say, I need this in order to be my best self, I think is important as well. I grew up Catholic, and so there's a kind of concept of God that I grew up with. I don't necessarily identify as being Catholic anymore, but when I think about a spiritual being, I think about that as rooted in people. And so if, to me, there is a God, it's reflected in the goodness of people. And so I think about in my community and in my group, you know, who represents kind of a creative sensibility, to me who represents a kind of compassionate sensibility, to me who represents kind of like, you know, care for others. And I think about if I want that to be reflected, or if I want that to be something I believe that people are capable of, then to also be capable of those things myself in my interaction with others. And that might sound really grandiose, I think we think about creating a sense of God in Sina and others. But I think it can also just be really basic in terms of if I think about God as a creative sensibility or creative force, then what are the spaces I'm making for other people to come to me with who they want to become or what they want to do? My limitation might not be that I'm able to make them or let them do that thing, but to be spaced enough for them to say that they want to do that thing right, or, if my sense of God is about care for others to see that as well, then to say, pick up the phone and call somebody right and not wait for them to call you, even if they haven't called you in the longest, not to hold that right, because maybe that's what they just need. So I think. Think also being a good member of communities, thinking about what you want to see in that community, and also being that yourself for others, I had a professor at Nana day who used to say, you know, communities don't just follow the sky. We make them. [chuckles] So even when we're in search of them, we still have to make them, because we have to make space to be in them as well, and make space for them to be with us. So for me, I think that's what it takes to be a good number of community.

Regina Everitt: 20:23

I mean, and it is absolutely true, because you do, you contribute to the community, you develop the community that you want to see. And you, as you say, you you need to be that as well. And in what you were saying, there's something in there about not being judgmental, about being open to difference, being more than tolerant, you know, but and being curious about about people and in their lives, yeah. So yeah, that I definitely can understand that. Agree with that as well.

Ezi Odozor: 20:54

And I think in an age of information, it's everybody expected to know everything, or to present as if you know everything. And so I think intellectual humility is really important. Like, I think it's really freeing to say I don't know, because instead of spending the energy on pretending or defending, you're making room to actually learn it[chuckles] and learn it from somebody else and be inspired by somebody else and be curious about other people. So

Regina Everitt: 21:19

I'm not sure I want to know everything.[hesitant chuckles] You know What I mean is that is a heavy responsibility. I want to continue to be curious. I'm a lifelong learner. I mean, I suppose that's very much part of my practice of working in education, but also as an information professional, we're always seeking to learn new things and to make information accessible for people so that they can use that information in a way that helps them. So, yeah,

Ezi Odozor: 21:46

And your understanding of everything too no, I don't. I don't need to know everything. Don't need to have the last word. None of that. But again, this is, this is mature Regina. I can say this now. Now I don't know, when I was 12, or, you know, perhaps I felt differently. I'm sure I was one of those teenagers who just knew everything, [laughter] but maybe I start to know less the older I get, and that's absolutely fine with me, yeah1 changes, right? So we talked about how to be a good member of community, and what we how to see that and others and build that as well. But what's something about you that you think that brings you joy and brings others joy?

Regina Everitt: 22:31

I think sense of humor. I love to laugh. It's great exercise. It's like a really good stretch. You know, if you get up, you do a really good stretch. I think a really good laugh feels like a really good stretch. So sense of humor and also the ability to find common ground. Again, it goes back to that curiosity. What does that person think like that? Whoa, wonder. Wonder. What's going on there. I would like to hear more about what makes that person tech. So I think those are things about me that it's helpful when I'm helping to build a community or trying to become part of community as well.

Ezi Odozor: 23:08

And have you always been like that? Or is that something that you've developed over time?

Regina Everitt: 23:11

I think I've always been like that. And again, it goes back to that 12 year old girl who wrote the story for Essence magazine. Okay, essence, you all need to[chuckles] publish your system,[laughter] but anyway,

Ezi Odozor: 23:27

Write a letter to the editor. [laughter]

Regina Everitt: 23:29

so yeah and so, and I've always, you know, had sort of a good imagination. I can sort of humor myself. I, you know, I love my dreams, my family members. I get up, I say, Oh God, I have to tell you about this dream. Many people can't remember their dreams, but my mind is so active, I'm entertained in my sleep.[laughter]

Ezi Odozor: 23:52

I love that!

Regina Everitt: 23:53

I Yeah, yeah, absolutely crazy, yeah. So maybe I'm slightly mad, but you know what? I love it.

Ezi Odozor: 24:00

And what's wrong with that?

Regina Everitt: 24:02

Nothing!

Ezi Odozor: 24:02

Nothing at all! you know, I mean, those are the little things in life, in terms of small moments of joy. So that goes to our next question, how do you cultivate joy in everyday life?

Regina Everitt: 24:12

Well, I think it's again, doing, doing the things that that I enjoy, and sharing it with people, being with good friends, and, you know, cultivating that curiosity. Yeah, that's, I don't think there's any any particular secret to me. It's really about just being open. I mean, I think a lot of conflicts tends to be as a result of people's fear of somebody thinking, doing, dressing, acting, looking different to themselves. So it goes back to that lens about confidence. I'm convinced that if you are comfortable in yourself and what you know, that you won't be. So fearful of other people and which would possibly lead to conflict. So I think that's what helps me to keep joy, is just that, that outlook. I don't know why I'm like this, you know, but it works for me. Yeah,

Ezi Odozor: 25:17

I mean to me, it sounds like there's a deep sense of rootedness that allows you to take in the rest of life. Because, as you say, if you know who you are, if you're confident who you are, and confidence is not it doesn't mean there's no fear or there's no insecurity about other things. It just means that you have a grounding and that even when I'm insecure, I can return to the root of myself. Even when I'm, you know, worried about something, I can return to the root myself. So I think that is is really important. And it doesn't mean if you don't have that, that you can't be joyful. It just means that, you know it might be something to develop as you have these experiences and to allow you to have more joy in recruiting.

Regina Everitt: 25:59

And it's also not arrogance as well. I can imagine people thinking, Who the heck does she think she is?

Ezi Odozor: 26:04

Somebody! [chuckles]

Regina Everitt: 26:06

Regina. I know who I am, and you know what. To be honest, age will have a lot to do with it. There's something, you know, folks, I'm over 50, and that's a privilege, quite, quite a bit over but, but, I guess. But there's something about when you hit 50. And I know this sounds ancient to students, but you you really feel that you know you've come into yourself. It doesn't have to take that long, but at that at that particular age, I've had more than one friend say this to me, and I remember my sister saying that too. She said there's something about when I hit 50, I just knew that was it. You know, I know that women over 50, supposedly, we become invisible, we're less attractive. And perhaps, if you know, those stereotypes are freeing for us. And also, oftentimes, when you're at that age, you're, you know, at a point in your career where you feel comfortable and confident in what you're doing. So perhaps that that has added to why I feel so comfortable sort of in my skin. So it makes me kind of reflect on what was it like when I was in university. But again, I found my tribe. I mean, you know, I wore some, like, some strange clothes back then,[laughter] you know what I mean. But you know what? This some people that I hung out with who did the same, you know? So you find, [laughter] you find your group. And also, I love the idea of, I used to move between groups as well I can I'm quite happy sometimes having compartmentalized bits of my life. So it goes back to what groups you want to belong to and when so certain groups I used to hang out with because I was in one mood, and another group I would hang out with and because I was in a different mood. Now, sometimes it went wrong when you tried to combine the groups.[nervous laugh] So you gotta be careful with that, because the people in the groups be like, if I wanted to belong in that group, I would have gone to that group. And so you have to respect that. And so I've always kind of been like that. I've kind of been used to moving through these different spaces as well. So perhaps in undergrad, you know, when I was an undergraduate education, I wasn't that different from what I am now.

Ezi Odozor: 28:28

And I think university is a pivotal time, because I think in high school, we kind of, there's ways in which we behave, because we were in that one building, we all had to kind of find our way. And it might not necessarily have been our people. Also, we're still finding who out who we are, but I think university is a transformative experience because there's so many different options, yeah, and there's so many places in which you can go, if you take the opportunity to do that!

Regina Everitt: 28:50

And you can, you can test different selves. So this is another plus about living in big cities, because if you're moving with one group in a vibe, it doesn't have to get blended in with the other group on the other side of town when you're feeling a different vibe. I think that is freeing. Quite frankly, it is. [laughter]

Ezi Odozor: 29:10

You can be the fullness of yourself, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think so too.

Regina Everitt: 29:14

Yeah. Fullness of yourself tried different selves. You know, that self didn't work.

Ezi Odozor: 29:18

And I think something about that, because, you know, I moved from Toronto to here, moving too. Can give you some of that. Oh, because you can decide to be a new person or a different person, or try out the person that you think you might want to be, and if you don't even go back to the other person that you were!

Regina Everitt: 29:36

Far enough from home, like where you grew up, folks don't even need to know now say that's why I say you need to be cautious about what you put them on social media!

Ezi Odozor: 29:44

Correct! [laughter]

Regina Everitt: 29:46

But, but you know that's that's the one thing that I wish and I often say this to my own son as well. You can try different things, but we're no longer in an environment where, oh, my god! If you study one thing, you're going to have to do that for the rest of your life. No! you know, people live portfolio lives. They try different ways of being. I think that's the freeing part. You know that you're not allowing people to force you into one type of person, you know, and even when you're belonging to a group, there's there's nothing to say that you always have to be with that group. Sometimes friendships encounters are brief. Now I'm not talking like[laugh] dating acts and all of that type of stuff, but those two can be brief [laughter]. That's an individual decision, but, but sometimes that conversation that you had with somebody in a coffee shop that was so deep that was only meant to happen in that coffee shop, in that space and time, and it wasn't meant for you to be calling each other every every day and trying to relive that conversation, I think we should be open to those encounters that feel very special in the moment, but may not be meant to last forever. And conversely, there may be friendships that you develop. I mean, we all have friends, so my best friends are still in the States, you know, and those are the people that I can really have those really, really, really deep conversations, because they they knew young Regina and they know older Regina. So there's certain things I don't have to explain to them, so they continue to be important to me. But I also have a you know, people that I've just met, and I thought, you know, I probably won't see this guy for a while, but that was a really cool conversation, or we really shared some great music. Or,

Ezi Odozor: 31:44

I have a really good friend who, she moved to San Francisco recently, and so she's trying Bumble BFF dating app for finding friends. And we were talking about the difference in kind of the friendships we've had over time. So there's friendships that we've had with people that we've known them for donkey years, for forever, and we want and we wonder, if I met them now, would we be friends now, right? And yet I would never let them go, even so. But then thinking how we cultivate friends at this time, and thinking more about when she's going through the scrolling through this app, so I've been left on friends, left and right on friends. It's more about targeting about those interests, because she's like, I want to meet people who want to do the things I want to do now, more than having people who I need to have kind of conversations about, like, world shifting conversations, because she's like, I have those people. So I think also, as we move through different stages in our lives and thinking about how we build our community, it's also we don't have to do that in the same way at each stage in life that we're at, because you can do that as you as you named I have a little blog, cooking blog that I have called feast in the belly full. Ooh, when I was in Toronto, I used to host these dinners, and each dinner would have one theme. So the first one we had was called a very Black Garden Party. So everybody wore their linens and everything. We had it outside. And there's one question that fueled the conversation for probably a five hour dinner. So the question was, think about the worst thing you've ever done. Don't tell us.[chuckles] Don't tell us. Think about the worst thing you ever done. Ever done. How did you get over it? What did it make of you? So what became of you after that? And so fast forward to now, where I'm still writing feast in the belly full, but not necessarily hosting the dinners, but I'll have a dinner with one person, and we'll have a conversation. The last one I wrote was, it was called the precipice and the ever after, because it's this feeling that right now in my life, in particular, it feels that there is, I'm standing at a kind of precipice of something, something is going to happen, some change, right? And then wondering about the ever after, but then in that feeling, thinking, but this precipice has come multiple times, and I'm in that version of the Ever After. So there's the kind of anticipation we can have about a moment, but whether we want to or not, we're going to leap off that edge and we're going to live the Ever After. And so then what do you make of your life nonetheless? And so I think it's also about thinking about who is around you in that making of the life. Who is, you know, giving you the push you need over the precipice, and who is there to catch you as well. And so I think that if we think about belonging, about community, community, it's really thinking about, you know, how do I shape somebody who will hold me in the ever after, and how do I figure out how I want to be in the ever after, which is how I want to belong in the spaces that that I make or that I enter in Student Life, connecting to that we our motto is, learn, explore and grow. And what we try to and what that means, and therefore, what we try to do is we try to cultivate opportunities for students to understand who they are, or to develop a sense of who they are, what they love and where they want to go. So University being a transformative experience, being more than about the. Books, of course, being about the books, but being more than about the books. We've talked about then who you are we've talked about what you love. And as you said, you're a lifelong learner, and you're still on this journey of life. Absolutely where it is, where is it that you want to go? What is your ever after, after this version of the precipice?

Regina Everitt: 35:16

Well, it's interesting. I mean, as you said, completed that sentence, that song, destination.. [sings song]

Ezi Odozor: 35:23

That's a good one.[chuckles]

Regina Everitt: 35:24

Yes, that's me. I don't really want to know. You know, one of my university professors actually said to us

Unknown: 35:29

yeah, so just being open to what comes next, and during graduation, let life take you a bit. You know, because as we were finishing our education, we're all keen to get jobs, you know, we wanted to have a plan we you know. But he said that, and that's important, you know, you want to have plans in life. You want to have direction, but don't be afraid to just go on that road less traveled, you know. Let life take you a bit. So I'm at this phase of my life, I would just want to be open to new experiences. I don't want to plan any particular direction. And again, in that over 50 group that I've gotten to that place where I can take these decisions, and I think as one develops there, you're going to have to take certain decisions, and you're going to have to choose certain paths, just, you know, to keep a roof over your head, to to get a job. But if when, when you have the flexibility, when you've taken care of all of those needs on the bottom of Maslow's hierarchy, then you know, you can be open to think about the next destination. And that's where I am. I just want to be open to what comes next! yes, having a plan, but not letting the plan be a kind of yoke and holding you in place.

Regina Everitt: 36:51

Yeah, just remember to look up and out. Don't just be stuck on your phones and, you know, constantly

Ezi Odozor: 36:57

And I think for students really like you might being introspective. I think during COVID, we had enough of that where people were sort of in their homes and not engaging, you know, sort of look up and look out and just be open to, you know, new experiences. Because those new experiences could be that career that you never considered. I mean, because, again, we're developing a range of skills, because we don't know we talk about, you know, industry 5.0 industry x we don't know what those jobs are. So there's something in there about being creative and keeping your eyes open to, perhaps, opportunities and innovations that we don't know about. But if you're so fixed on a specific path, or, you know, then you could miss out. Yeah, things. be, let's say architecture, computing, engineering, so ACE. That might be where you're at. But have you ever had a journey over to the to the ACI, to the art side of that, just to look at, as you said, look out and see what you don't know. You don't know, what you don't know. So go and search for that in a sense of just being in a different place that you maybe you're not in all the time.

Regina Everitt: 38:05

And that goes back to that confidence and agency more I just I want our students to get to the point where they feel confident to take those chances. Because not sometimes, you know, the chance may not work out, but you felt confident to do it, and now you know, okay, next time I might want to do something differently, or that was an interesting experience, and that's that's got to be worth it, that's got to be worth it, just having all of these different experiences. But you, you will not do that if you don't feel confident to do it. So that's what we need to get to!

Ezi Odozor: 38:41

And not being and not thinking that everything has to go well.

Regina Everitt: 38:44

No, absolutely!

Ezi Odozor: 38:46

Because if not, you're not going to try, you're always going to be afraid to get it wrong. Yeah, right. Thank you so much. Regina, today has been a very filling episode, I think, has it? [laughter] I mean,

Regina Everitt: 38:57

Did I did I ramble. [nervous laugh]

Ezi Odozor: 38:59

No, you didn't ! No, I think, yeah, it's just, and

Regina Everitt: 39:01

Yeah, Thank you! Thank you for having me. this, I think, is the heart of Student Life radio, is that just trying to, like, really connect with people and be curious about what their journey has been, and kind of listening to other perspectives of life that that thereby enrich your own, just in the knowing, I think of it. So, thank you!