Grandma Has ADHD

Episode 44 - Your Brain Needs a Different Plan

• Jami Shapiro • Episode 44

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In this honest and empowering episode, host Jami Shapiro sits down with ADHD coach Christine Kotik for a conversation centered on something many rarely talk about—ADHD help after retirement. Christine shares her late diagnosis story, how being a high-achieving student masked her symptoms, and why it took until her 40s to finally connect the dots.

Jami and Christine explore how ADHD often hides behind structure—like school, work, and parenting—and how retirement can unexpectedly uncover long-standing struggles. From clients who “held it all together” during their working years to those feeling overwhelmed in their new, unstructured lives, Christine brings real stories and relatable insights.

They dive into time blindness, procrastination, perfectionism, and the emotional impact of losing daily routines. More importantly, they offer practical ADHD help after retirement: strategies like positive self-talk, gentle routines, body movement, and bite-sized goals that meet you where you are.

If you're over 50 and feeling stuck, frustrated, or simply wondering, “Why is this so hard now?”—this episode will help you feel seen and supported.

Thank you for joining us for this episode of Grandma Has ADHD! We hope Jami's journey and insights into ADHD shed light on the unique challenges faced by older adults. Stay tuned for more episodes where we’ll explore helpful resources, share personal stories, and provide guidance for those navigating ADHD. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this podcast with friends who might benefit. Remember, Make the rest of your life the best of your life.

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Have you ever thought, is this just me? When struggling to stay organized, start tasks, or manage time, for those of us over 50, these challenges might not be just aging. They could be ADHD hiding in plain sight for decades. I'm Jami Shapiro, host of Grandma has ADHD, and I'm building a community where your experiences matter.

Whether you are diagnosed, questioning or simply curious. You are not alone. Our Facebook group is filled with vibrant understanding. People over 50 who share their stories, strategies, and yes, even their struggles with plenty of laughter along the way. Ready to find your people. Join our growing Grandma has ADHD Facebook community.

Please like and subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen and share it with someone who might need to hear. They're not alone because ADHD doesn't have an age limit and neither does understanding yourself better. Together, we're changing the conversation about ADHD after 50 come be part of the story.

[00:01:25] Jami Shapiro: Hi, and welcome to Grandma has ADHD. I am joined today by Christine. Is it Kotak or Kotik? She is a professionally certified coach, so that means she's done a lot of coaching to earn that designation. And I wanted to share what I read on her website 'cause I really liked the way that she described herself and her practice.

[00:01:54] Jami Shapiro: So it says, looking for an expert and trained ADHD coach who will help you overcome your ADHD. No further. Imagine yourself at the end of the day reviewing your to-do list and every item is checked. First of all, that sounds like bliss. Mm-hmm. Does seem farfetched. To imagine that you could identify the things you need to do budget time for each of them, and one by one, check them off your list.

[00:02:20] Jami Shapiro: Yes, please. That may seem normal to most people, but not to those of us with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I don't even like to call it a disorder, but that's a whole other conversation. And she also has ADHD. We know what it's like to have our days derailed by the sight of a shiny object or a proverbial squirrel.

[00:02:43] Jami Shapiro: We know what it's like to hear repeatedly that we have so much potential and if only we would try harder. We know what it's like to disappoint over and over the people we love most. So, wow, what a strong introduction. So she Christine has been working with seniors who have ADHD and or women later in life because seniors are 65 and over and they are trying to figure out their next phase and how ADHD makes that a challenge.

[00:03:13] Jami Shapiro: So, welcome so much to the podcast, Christine. Thanks, I'm excited to be here. I'm excited to have you. So, I always like to start with your ADHD discovery how you ended up discovering you had ADHD. Then a little about, you know, when you looked back at your childhood, and then of course how you got into coaching.

[00:03:31] Jami Shapiro: I. 

[00:03:32] Christine Kotik: Sure, sure. So my ADHD journey, I always call it a journey 'cause I feel like that's what it was. Mm-hmm. I guess if I go back even farther, so kind of this is the childhood piece. I was someone who found myself. Oh, a very bright throughout my schooling. did well in school.

[00:03:53] Christine Kotik: Did well, was very high achiever, People pleaser. If any of this is sounding familiar, it's checks all the boxes. didn't wanna let people down, so, worked super hard to be successful and was the valedictorian of my high school class. Wow. And, so things were going really well until I got to college.

[00:04:16] Christine Kotik: And then I got to college and because my mom, who I call her my prosthetic prefrontal cortex, my executive functioner. I got to college. I couldn't do school. I didn't know how to keep myself on time, how to motivate myself, how to turn things in, how to study, because I.

[00:04:34] Christine Kotik: I had never done that on my own before, so college was really a big challenge for me. But I didn't know why. I just thought, something happened between graduating from high school and showing up in Cleveland, Ohio for college that well drank bad water. I don't know. Wasn't sure what it was.

[00:04:50] Christine Kotik: And struggled through college. I graduated and things were fine. I got my first job and things were fine, and things kind of kept going along being. Okay. Until they weren't. And then things were a big challenge for me. And so it just was that bumpy, bumpy road. And I ended up going back to school as an adult after I had two of my four kids and got my teaching degree so I could teach.

[00:05:16] Christine Kotik: And when I got my first teaching job, it was at a school in Columbus for kids who learn differently. And that meant. Dyslexia we were all as teachers, were in Gillingham trained, so the multimodal approach to teaching very hands-on. And most of my kids had ADHD. And so as I was learning about ADHD and going through some things with my own children, I was like.

[00:05:41] Christine Kotik: Hmm. This sort of answers a lot of questions for me. Is this something that adults can have? And of course the answer was a big resounding yes and yes. You have ADHD, Christine. So I was in my forties, I believe when I got diagnosed. And like I said, I was in the perfect, perfect. You know, you hear about the perfect storm.

[00:06:04] Christine Kotik: Mine was actually a good, perfect storm because I was in a school. Wherewe taught kids how they need to learn when they have ADHD. it was a safe space, a lot of hands-on, a lot of understanding of that, ADHD brain and what it needs and what's helpful and what's not. And so that helped me.

[00:06:25] Christine Kotik: And so I went to a conference. A CHADD conference in Baltimore one year and listened to an amazing ADHD coach, talk about ADHD coaching, and I was like, Ooh, wow, this really lights all of my fires. I'm so excited to learn more. And so I really spent that fall learning a lot about ADHD coaching.

[00:06:47] Christine Kotik: Went and took training courses in person in DC. Gosh, that January and left my teaching career behind and started my coaching business 10 years ago this month. So it's hard to believe it's been that long. So that is why. Long-winded answer to how I got here and kind of my ADHD journey.

[00:07:13] Jami Shapiro: Nice. Okay. Well first of all, for those of you who are listening and you don't know the terminology, CHADD, because I always like, remember we're bringing in a lot of people who are new to the ADHD conversation. Yes, true. Yeah. So CHADD is, I believe it's children and adults with ADHD

[00:07:26] Christine Kotik (2): It's 

[00:07:26] Jami Shapiro: the largest nonprofit that's advocating for people who have ADHD, I know right now there's a lot of conversation around medications and accommodations. And so CHADD is out there really trying to help. So they co-sponsor the International ADHD conference. I just wanted to sort of back into that.

[00:07:45] Jami Shapiro: Yeah. Okay. So I would love to hear, because one of the things that I know that people have enjoyed is hearing other people's stories when ADHD showed up for them in their childhood. Because again, it doesn't just appear you just had a mother who was functioning as your Ritalin. What, or your executive functioning as you said, tell me a little bit about, any of the ADHD traits that you maybe had as a child looking back.

[00:08:09] Christine Kotik: Yeah, so looking back, my mom and I laugh about it now but she would refer to me kind of as. Pigpen, the Charlie Brown character who would go from place to place and my messes and my piles followed me all around. She could tell anywhere I'd been because I had left all the things there.

[00:08:29] Christine Kotik: you know, it was there. It stayed there. I had a. Chair in my room that she called my messy chair, and it would just grow and grow and grow until everything fell on the floor. So just that messiness, the disorganization Of being able to find my things and put my things away like I should.

[00:08:48] Christine Kotik: And I think the other place that it really came in for me was, time blindness and then the procrastinating. Those were the big things that showed up for me. she will tell stories of all throughout my childhood, elementary school and even as a high school senior, like my ability to get work done on time was.

[00:09:09] Christine Kotik: Pretty much minimal. We'd be up at the last minute doing projects. And I feel like some of the things are the things that don't necessarily fit the diagnostic criteria, but are the kind of. I don't know, lived examples of things, but when I thought of doing a project, I didn't pick the simplest project to do.

[00:09:33] Christine Kotik: Like my brain was doing all the big things. And so, I had drawn up plans to create a farm. everyone else created their diorama in a shoebox, but mine was like more in a moving box where I created a whole farm with. Sand and all this stuff, which was amazing, but we did it like five hours the night before it was due.

[00:09:57] Christine Kotik: And we had to then figure out how do we get this big box from our garage into the car, into school, all of those things. So I think those were the things. Also. girls with ADHD tend to be very fast talkers and I think that you'll hear as we talk today. I have not grown out of that one either, but I think fast and talk fast and that was something, even as a kid, that was me just constantly.

[00:10:27] Christine Kotik: Telling stories, talking fast, doing those things. 

[00:10:31] Jami Shapiro: I've had people ask me to slow down when I'm presenting. And in case you are new to the podcast space, you can actually change the speed of your playback. So you might want to listen to this podcast. I had never thought of that at 0.75 

[00:10:44] Jami Shapiro: versus 

[00:10:46] Jami Shapiro: one.

[00:10:46] Jami Shapiro: Or I listen at 1.25 'cause I don't have the patience. I gotta get through it. Yeah. 

[00:10:50] Christine Kotik (2): Yes. But 

[00:10:51] Jami Shapiro: you mentioned time blindness and I always try to take every podcast as its own free standing, So what, describe time blindness for someone who might be listening. I think we all know procrastination, right?

[00:11:03] Jami Shapiro: And fast talking and pigpen. 

[00:11:05] Christine Kotik: Yeah. So time blindness I feel like when I talk about this, I can come at it from different ways, but one of the things for time blindness is just the inability to really understand the passing of time so it can affect people in several ways. One of those is like, I have this project, I think it's gonna take me.

[00:11:29] Christine Kotik: An hour to do it, and so I'll budget. An hour while really anybody with a neurotypical non ADHD brain could look at that same project and be like, Christine, that's like three hours of work. You're never gonna get that done in an hour, right? So now we're behind, we aren't getting things done. It's that inability to feel like the passing of time.

[00:11:52] Christine Kotik: So, one of my strengths is I love to learn. So as a teacher I love to gather all my resources and gather resources and gather resources, but I could quickly get lost in gathering the resources and finding new things and finding fun things to share with my students. So I might have started that at, after I got the kids all to bed and that I might have started that at nine o'clock.

[00:12:19] Christine Kotik: The next thing I knew it was. 2:30 in the morning and I felt like an hour had gone by. So like you just get involved in things and you don't feel that passing of time. And so it's just that inability to really understand time in the same way that a neurotypical brain does. I think it also is An example of like the now, like everything happens now or it's not now. So if it's not right happening it's not like we push it off and plan for it in other chunks of time. We just say, oh. It's not now. It's the other time I saw a real a funny clock that someone here in my building has. And it just has now, now, now, now, now, now, now.

[00:13:03] Christine Kotik: For all of the times. So, it made me laugh when I saw that. 'cause I'm like, yeah, that's what happens. Like, oh yeah, it's now. So That's a very non-academic way to describe. Yeah, I like that. Time Blindness shows up for people. Yeah. 

[00:13:17] Jami Shapiro: I would imagine that most of our audience are not academics.

[00:13:20] Jami Shapiro: I wanted to ask you a question, this is totally random, but it made me think of something. Yeah, and I wanna know if you can identify, so when I cook. I wanna put it into the leftovers into a Tupperware or a leftover container. 

[00:13:34] Christine Kotik (2): Mm-hmm. 

[00:13:34] Jami Shapiro: I can never judge the size that Tupperware container is.

[00:13:38] Jami Shapiro: I wonder if that has anything to do with the same time blindness. Just curious. Do 

[00:13:43] Christine Kotik: you, That is so funny. I don't think I have ever thought about that in that way, but I can tell you my kids are always laughing 'cause they're like, mom, clearly that chili was not gonna fit in that container.

[00:14:00] Christine Kotik: And then of course I have to like actually just try and squish the lid on. So the chilies all, 'cause it now you have a bigger mess. Right? Yes. To take the time to get another thing out and put it in. Yes. So I think, yeah, maybe the whole thing with time blindness and all that. I think it's maybe it's like a estimation 

[00:14:21] Christine Kotik: issue.

[00:14:22] Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I had never asked anybody that question, but when I do, it's funny because my company does packing and unpacking as part of the services that we. Provide with move management. And I've never been good at getting the boxes, you know, putting things away. And so when I give a presentation, I always say that there are people who are just naturally inclined and that is not me.

[00:14:43] Jami Shapiro: Yeah. So one of the things that I wanted, go ahead. 

[00:14:46] Christine Kotik: The funny thing is though, like I am an expert trunk packer. Because I can see like how all this stuff, so I can do it with that, but it's like the food because I'm thinking about it, right? when I walk out to the car, I'm thinking, okay, how are we gonna get six people's vacation stuff into the back of this trunk so we don't have to leave anything at home?

[00:15:09] Christine Kotik: So I think I've been pre-priming my brain pump and thinking about it, the food, it's just like, oh, I gotta put this away, and I don't have that same planning feature. So that's actually a super interesting. Interesting question. Now I'm gonna be thinking about that. 

[00:15:27] Jami Shapiro: Nice. For a while. I definitely, the now and not now has been so huge and actually that's a big part of what I'm doing here.

[00:15:35] Jami Shapiro: So part of it is, educating people who are coming to the discovery that they have ADHD and they've had it their whole lives. And, our challenges are definitely gonna get into that, what is, what does ADHD look like for somebody, you know, 50 and over versus You know, someone who's running a household but.

[00:15:49] Jami Shapiro: The other reason that I am doing this is that I have noticed that a lot of people with ADHD, because we're impulsive spenders and we're living in the moment that we're not thinking about retirement and what we're going to need as we're aging and So that's another big part of you know, we all wanna do way more than we possibly can, but, it's like, how do I ignore that?

[00:16:10] Jami Shapiro: So I just wanted to mention that, so. Okay. So one of the reasons I was really excited to have you on this podcast is that you specifically mentioned that you do work with seniors. And I wanted to kind of hear from your perspective, how do you think their daily lives are impacted with ADHD at this point, and, and how do you work with them for strategies and support?

[00:16:32] Christine Kotik: Yeah, no, it's really interesting to me and that's why I loved the whole Grandma has ADHD because over time I've worked with, I don't, I couldn't count them, but many women and men that are. Like have hit retirement age and that retirement transition really throws people for a loop with their ADHD.

[00:16:59] Christine Kotik: And I think it's working with a super wonderful lady right now. And that's her big frustration with herself. Because we tend to, get hard on ourselves. But she had kids and she managed her kids just fine and she had a job and she did all these.

[00:17:16] Christine Kotik: Things. And now when she feels like she should be at the time of her life, being able to, be retired and her husband retired and they moved to a new city to be with her grandkids, and now all of a sudden she's I can't seem to have a plan. I can't get out of bed and get moving and do the things.

[00:17:36] Christine Kotik: And I bought plants and they're dying before I can get 'em planted because I just don't have that energy. And so I think to me, it's super interesting that It's like In those times of transition, what worked before and the methods we used, I think to manage our ADHD and we build up to that and now all of a sudden.

[00:18:00] Christine Kotik: We're retired, we're in this new phase, and our brains, they don't know what to do with that. And so they get caught up in, some of the things that I see with my college students with ADHD, who struggle of going from the structure of high school. To a college setting where they have to manage their time, they have to build in the structure, they have to do all those things, and There's not an external force pushing on them for those things. And so, we have to build that in. And I think that for me, is one of the biggest things of all the people that I've worked with, is the biggest struggle is that all the sudden, like the lack of structure Makes it really hard mm-hmm.

[00:18:50] Christine Kotik: To do the things they wanna 

[00:18:51] Jami Shapiro: do. Sure. Before we talk about some strategies, I would love to hear your theory on why you think it is that we get to this point, retirement where we can slow down and people with ADHD struggle more. And then if you don't say what I think I'll share what I think.

[00:19:07] Christine Kotik: Well, I mean, I think it's a couple things. One, I think that. I'm gonna put my fingers down so I remember. I wanna say three things. One of those things is that I think like I said, it's our people have kind of trained their brains to do these. Specific things to get up and go to work, or get up and do work, or get up and get the kids off to school.

[00:19:32] Christine Kotik: So you have these certain plans in place. Mm-hmm. And what you're supposed to do. Mm-hmm. What changes when you retire is that doesn't exist anymore. Mm-hmm. And so that's one thing is it's a lack of structure and routine that is Given to you. By a job or your family or kids.

[00:19:52] Christine Kotik: So it's that. I think the second thing is that I think that we as Americans, I guess, have this vision of what retirement is, and it's this glorious time to relax and to do all the things that we have always wanted to do. But then when it happens, like we have these, oh, I've gotta do all of these things.

[00:20:19] Christine Kotik: And then we start kind of getting down on ourselves because like, I'm not, I can't do, you know, well, what's wrong with me? And it just turns into, like a malaise, right. Just and it's hard to get moving. So I think those are kind of the things. And then I think the other part of it is, it's.

[00:20:38] Christine Kotik: Some of that is natural, right? it's the aging process and we're living longer now we're doing things. So as we age, there are different physiological changes in our body and hormone changes, for women, those hormone changes start earlier, but that it just all starts compounding. So then you have all of these things building up.

[00:21:03] Christine Kotik: and it makes it hard. 

[00:21:05] Jami Shapiro: Okay. So those were some different things, but I liked them. So I'm gonna contribute what I, two things that I think. Yeah. And I'm coming from I'm combined type, so that means I'm hyperactive and I'm inattentive. So one of the things that I've learned about myself is the more I have to do, the more I get done.

[00:21:21] Jami Shapiro: And so I got a bunch of stuff coming at me. Then 'cause my dopamine is high and I'm just Cranking it out. So that would be, one theory behind it. But the other thing for me that I find, and I know this now to be so true, I discovered my own ADHD 10 years ago.

[00:21:35] Jami Shapiro: And I'll look at old posts from, before I knew I had ADHD about, I have my daughter home. It's just the two of us. I don't know what to do with her. Like, I struggle with having to make a lot of decisions and so I can't even imagine having an empty canvas of my day and then having to make a lot of decisions.

[00:21:54] Jami Shapiro: So that's, My thought behind that. 

[00:21:56] Christine Kotik: Yeah, no, and I totally agree with that. And I guess in my brain I kinda lump that all into like that structure in that routine in a little bit. and it's the same, like if I take a day off from working, I can spend all day just spinning my wheels thinking and doing all the things, but if I don't have a plan, if I don't have somewhere to be or something, then it's harder to do that.

[00:22:23] Christine Kotik: So when you go from that, I've lived this life of, working, like you said with your all the things. Now I don't have any of that. And it's harder because now you're, spending more time thinking and all of that. I think something else that happens is that because it's really coming out more now that ADHD continues into adulthood and that there are things in aging that can make it harder.

[00:22:54] Christine Kotik: I think that probably in the past there's been a lot of masking or a lot of chalking it up to oh, I'm depressed right now, or, wow, my anxiety. So I think that too, there's a lot more understanding that this is a continuing, lifelong issue for people. And so how can we best support people during this time?

[00:23:16] Christine Kotik: I think there's a emotional piece to it. Also like the emotional dysregulation as we get older is harder, but now, like people are downsizing, they're having to make decisions. Like you said, sometimes there's a lot of decisions to make. Sometimes it feels like there's not enough, but I see people that are having to make decisions about like.

[00:23:40] Christine Kotik: Their stuff and what do I keep and I'm moving from a four bedroom house that I lived in with my family to a one bedroom independent senior living. what do I do with all of this stuff? And it feels hurtful and hard to let go of things. And so people bring it with them and now they've got.

[00:24:03] Christine Kotik: So I think that 

[00:24:04] Jami Shapiro: there's just, there's a lot. Right. Okay. I have to interrupt you and first of all, kudos to you for using the term senior living. Do you know what I do when I'm not hosting? The Grandma has ADHD podcast. 

[00:24:17] Christine Kotik: I believe that you are a person who helps people make that transition and downsize.

[00:24:22] Jami Shapiro: Yes. So I didn't know if you knew that and I don't know if you are aware, our listeners, I want them to know about NASMM, which is the National Association of Senior Move Managers only. We're not just for seniors. We added the word and specialty. So people who are facing these challenges can actually hire people like my company is in San Diego and Silver Linings Transitions, but they can go to NASMM.org and find people who can help with that transition.

[00:24:47] Jami Shapiro: So I didn't like lead you there, but because it came up, I'm like, yeah, I have a course put in a flag. Okay, I wanna take a break, but when we come back, I wanna talk about some of the strategies that you put in place with senior clients. Andthen I always like to ask my guests.

[00:25:02] Jami Shapiro: About the button, the magic button. If you could press a button and your ADHD would go away forever, you would never have had it, would you press the button. So I'm gonna leave you with that thought. We're gonna take a quick pause. I'm gonna take a sip of water and we're gonna come right back with Christine Kotik.

 

Are you tired of feeling like you can't get it together? Struggling with clutter that overwhelms you despite your best efforts. Wondering why organization feels impossible while others make it look so easy. You are not alone and it's not your fault. Hi, I'm Jami Shapiro. Host of the Grandma has ADHD podcast and I understand exactly what you're going through.

I combine my years of hands-on work as founder of Silver Linings Transitions, a move management and home organizing company, together with ADHD coach, training and help adults 50 and over connect the dots between ADHD and lifelong struggles. Whether you are downsizing, decluttering, or simply trying to create systems that work for your ADHD brain, I provide virtual and in-person coaching for those in the San Diego area.

Together we'll develop practical strategies that honor how your brain actually works, not how you think it should work, ready to trade. Shame for understanding. Visit Grandma has adhd.com. Or call to schedule a discovery session at 7 6 0 6 0 7 7 3 7 7 because it's never too late to finally make sense of your story.

 

Ever wondered why helping a loved one declutter feels like speaking different languages? I did, especially with my mom. It wasn't until I founded Silver Linings Transitions helping San Diego seniors organize and move for over a decade that I discovered why we all experienced clutter differently. And for those of us with ADHD, it's a whole other world.

If you are listening in the San Diego area and feeling stuck with moving. Paperwork, photos or home organization. Our team at Silver Linings Transitions gets it. We understand ADHD's unique challenges and we won't just help you get organized. We'll create sustainable systems that. Finally stick Schedule a consultation with our team today at 7 6 0 5 2 2 1 6 2 4.

That's 7 6 0 5 2 2 1 6 2 4 or find us@silverliningstransitions.com.

 

[00:28:01] Jami Shapiro: Okay, we are back with Christine Kotik and I left her with, how do you advise your senior clients? what strategies and supports do you have them put in place to make life easier? 

[00:28:15] Christine Kotik: Yeah. So sometimes one of the biggest things we do is just talk about, acceptance and positive self-talk.

[00:28:24] Christine Kotik: Because so many times people are, frustrated with themselves and, I read something just this morning about the five to one rule and how like for every one negative thing, we need to have five positive things in order to maintain mental health. My clients, I feel like, almost consistently are reversed, right?

[00:28:44] Christine Kotik: They're may be saying one thing that's gone well and five things that are miserable. So it's helping reframe those thoughts. And another strategy that I think is huge is helping people like with some all or nothing thinking, right? So a lot of times people are like, oh, I've gotta get this.

[00:29:01] Christine Kotik: my granddaughter's coming for the weekend. I have to get this room ready for her and it might be Monday and on Monday they wanna finish the whole project. 'cause otherwise it just feels not right. So we might talk about how can you plan that out over the week so when she arrives on Friday, it's ready, but you've been able to like take little steps.

[00:29:23] Christine Kotik: Maybe you work on it half an hour. Twice a day to get that done instead of going in. I think our ADHD brains just in general wanna like start it and work on it till it's done. And that's really not. Helpful oftentimes 'cause when we get tired of it, we get frustrated, we get make more of a mess than we started with and now it's hard.

[00:29:46] Christine Kotik: So encouraging people to like take those little bite-sized pieces of things as they're working on. Stuff. And I think the other big thing, and it goes to kind of what you said, but like setting up some kind of a structure for yourself. So, getting up at the same time, get eating your breakfast, doing the things like what do you wanna do?

[00:30:07] Christine Kotik: With your days right now that you have the chance to do anything that you want because you don't have to go to work. You don't have to manage your children, what do you wanna do? And so sometimes just asking that question, people are like. I never really thought about that before. And so when that happens, then how do we build that in, spend some time getting back to your art that you love to work on.

[00:30:30] Christine Kotik: Spend some time knitting, spend some time extra going to a farmer's market. Sometimes people find that it's super helpful to search out volunteer activities because that gives them something outside. To look forward to in that. So it's keeping connections and kind of building in that structure that kind of helps you feel like you have a plan when you get up in the morning.

[00:30:57] Jami Shapiro: So you have benchmarks to hit. I agree. I would just add one more thing and I've heard not to use the word exercise 'cause a lot of people don't like that word, but like to plan to move your body. And I know for me, my mental health is so much better when I have done something to move my body first thing in the morning.

[00:31:14] Jami Shapiro: And my kids actually again, before I knew I had ADHD would say, mom, did you go to yoga today? 'cause they could tell when I was off, they could tell when I. Exercised. 

[00:31:22] Christine Kotik: Yep. Body movement is super, super huge. And I do, I'm also a national board certified health and wellness coach which was additional coaching, training and, and work.

[00:31:33] Christine Kotik: But that's one of my big things is that you don't have to be perfect. You don't have to go out and run marathons. You don't have to. But what can you do to move your body? So that you're getting that exercise so that you can keep active and yes, the exercise. Exercise to use that word, but the moving your body, increasing your heart rate, getting a little sweaty those are all things that have benefits for ADHD brains mm-hmm.

[00:32:01] Christine Kotik: As much as ADHD medication does. Sure. So when you do that, and you notice that calmness, that ability to focus a little bit, that ability to be motivated to do things throughout the day is a great way to start your day. 

[00:32:16] Jami Shapiro: I do wanna throw one more thing at you. You mentioned the whole perfectionist thing and one of the terms I learned in my ADHD coaching was perfect poisons progress.

[00:32:25] Christine Kotik: Yeah, I 

[00:32:26] Jami Shapiro: love that. Yeah, it's really good. So, I mean, if we think something has to get done perfectly, we will not do it. And sometimes, like I say, just 10 minutes a day, I mean, sometimes for me, just, I make myself, 'cause sometimes I don't like to go to the gym either. You know, you just have to do four machines.

[00:32:42] Jami Shapiro: Okay, I can do four machine. Right? Right. So anyway, okay. 

[00:32:46] Christine Kotik: Doing something for just five minutes. I hate paying bills, right? Oh, I hate sitting down. Okay. Just sit down and do it for five minutes and usually you get going and you might do more, but if you're done, you're done. And that's five more minutes then if you had ignored it kind of a thing.

[00:33:04] Christine Kotik: So yeah. I'm sorry I keep 

[00:33:06] Jami Shapiro: love that I have ADHD. In case you didn't know. Yeah. But I wanted to share, one of the things that I learned in my coaching was I used to tell people to kind of eat the frog and get that hard thing out of the way. But I've learned that with ADHD, sometimes we actually need to do the fun thing or the easy thing to get our dopamine going.

[00:33:22] Christine Kotik: Mm-hmm. And then do the hard thing. So that's a whole new way of Yeah. ThinkingIt is that, and, people write, there's the whole book, eat the Frog and do the hard thing. So it's out of the way. But if that's your barrier, if doing that hard thing is way too much, that's not a good plan for you.

[00:33:40] Christine Kotik: And that's one of my big things with coaching is it's helping people find what works for them, not what the gurus and all the right words tell you to do so. I love that. Yeah. It doesn't have to be what everybody else does. It's what works for you. And I think that's, super important to remember that it's your life and you get to choose, you get to choose what success looks like.

[00:34:02] Christine Kotik: You get to choose how you get there. So, yeah. And I also say, who is they? They say who is they? Yeah. Yeah, 

[00:34:10] Jami Shapiro: exactly. Exactly. Because they say a lot. Yeah, they do, don't they? They do. They really do. Okay, so why do you think it's important that seniors have access to ADHD? Informed support. Especially if they've lived a whole life.

[00:34:26] Jami Shapiro: Cobbling it together, right? Undiagnosed and, 

[00:34:28] Christine Kotik: yeah. I just feel like for people To have that relief, to have that validation. Like sometimes people say, I feel like I'm crazy. Like why can't I do this? This is like I should be right. That should, mm-hmm. I should be able to do this.

[00:34:44] Christine Kotik: And so when you have that support and you have someone that tells you. No, like this is your brain wiring. It's okay to be like this. It's not just you. Other people experience these same kind of things. I think that is super important for people to understand. It shifts that, narrative that we tell ourselves, oh, I'm lazy.

[00:35:06] Christine Kotik: Oh, why can't I do this? I must be lazy. I'm so forgetful. Well, no, you have a brain that works differently and so your brain needs a different plan, and that can be so helpful. It improves your quality of life. I think as a senior, it gives you better self-management.

[00:35:23] Christine Kotik: It can help improve your relationships. one of my first adult clients, 'cause I thought I was gonna coach kids 'cause I was a teacher and I had four kids. you know, I'm an expert at kids. I'm gonna coach kids. But one of my first clients was. First adult clients was one of my student clients', grandparents.

[00:35:42] Christine Kotik: And she said to me, I have lived my whole life, never being on time with birthday cards and birthday gifts and all of that. And she said, I forget if she was 72 at the time. She said, that's embarrassing. I've been embarrassed my whole life. I wanna be able to do this for my family. And we talked about that.

[00:36:02] Christine Kotik: Her family probably was. Happy with whatever and whenever it came. But for her, that was like super important and so that's what we worked on. And so that to her made her feel more comfortable about herself and made her able to enjoy those birthdays even more. So it improves your relationships. It gives you increased confidence when you know that, okay.

[00:36:26] Christine Kotik: I'm not just, flunking at retirement. Like, this is okay. it's a new phase for me and I might have to ease into being retired. Maybe I can't go from working 65 hours a week to. Working zero hours a week, maybe there's a different plan that might be better for me. So I think that's a big part.

[00:36:47] Christine Kotik: And one of the things that you said, ADHD impacts health and it also impacts finances, and that's one of the talks that I give a lot is about ADHD and money and finances. So if that impulsivity continues. as people age and their income becomes fixed and their expenses for health insurance and health costs go up and there's impulsive spending, that's rough.

[00:37:15] Christine Kotik: So having an understanding of how your ADHD works and how your brain works around money and all of that is important. So all of those things I think can really benefit. Everybody, but it can also benefit older adults with ADHD. 

[00:37:31] Jami Shapiro: Sure. that was a great answer. Okay, so here's the big question.

[00:37:35] Jami Shapiro: Yes. Well, I think it's the big question. The button. You could press the button and not have had ADHD. Never had it. Would you press the button? 

[00:37:44] Christine Kotik: I would not press the button. And I don't think I even had to think about that. there's all the talk about whether ADHD is a superpower, and I'm not a big fan of that analogy, but I like to say ADHD is my secret weapon, right?

[00:38:00] Christine Kotik: Mm-hmm. And so, as a secret weapon, I can deploy it. To wreak havoc, but it can also be the thing that like propels me to places I've never been. without ADHD I don't think I would've left a very secure teaching job that I enjoyed and loved and started a business, and this is the best choice I could ever have made.

[00:38:23] Christine Kotik: So there's those pieces of it. I like my quirkiness. I like my. Offbeat sense of humor that most of the time people like it too. And I think that's a benefit and I feel like that's one of my. Pieces of my ADHD me. Sure. At times I would like to change some of my other impulsivity and my things.

[00:38:47] Christine Kotik: That 

[00:38:47] Jami Shapiro: wasn't, the question. Could you trace them? We all would. Right? There's, I. Anyone Yes. Wouldn't Dish. Awesome. Thank you for, 

[00:38:55] Christine Kotik: thank you for redirecting me. So yes, you're welcome. I think it makes me the amazing person that I am. And I wouldn't change it at all. I 

[00:39:03] Jami Shapiro: love it. I have to share.

[00:39:05] Jami Shapiro: My mom said that when I was a kid, and it's true. Like people, I was either for them or was not for them, and it was a very quick and easy decision. So if somebody was my friend, they were my friend. Like we were friends. You know what I mean? and otherwise we, there was no relationship. and I hate the term too much.

[00:39:20] Jami Shapiro: I hate it, but now I'm sort of living into my too muchness, right? So, yes. This is who I'm, take me or leave me. That's, the gift that comes with age for anyone, whether you're neurotypical or diverse. Then my final question for you, well first of all, I want people to be able to get in touch with you who want to work with you.

[00:39:37] Jami Shapiro: So that's number one. And then the other thing is anything that we didn't touch on that if we hang up this call, you're gonna be like, Ugh, I should have said it.

[00:39:48] Christine Kotik: I whether I should have said it or not, I feel like. Right, that's, my brain is already spinning ahead a million miles. So I always feel like there's something I will hang up and think, oh, why didn't we talk about that? But I think we talked about some really good things and we talked about some things that I never even thought about, the food container thing and all that.

[00:40:08] Christine Kotik: So I think that it's important for people. I guess if you are someone with ADHD and you are looking for help and support to make sure that you talk with someone that they get you that they understand you, that they hear you, they listen to you, and that there's not judgment there because At any age, but especially as we're aging, like we don't need fixed, we just need some redirection, we need some support and some different ways of doing things, but we don't need fixed. So don't let anyone try to fix you because you're not broken. Yeah. So, 

[00:40:47] Jami Shapiro: mm-hmm. Okay. That's 

[00:40:48] Christine Kotik: that piece. So 

[00:40:50] Jami Shapiro: Christine, how can people find you if they're like, oh, I love her, I wanna work with her?

[00:40:55] Christine Kotik: Sure. So you can find me. My company name is ck, my initials Christine Kotik, ADHD coach. So you can go to CKADHDCoach.com and you'll get to my website. You can email me at Christine. Spelled with a Ch at ck adhd coach.com. And you can search me up. I'm on LinkedIn and Facebook. I don't really do so much of the other social media things, but I feel like that's probably pretty typical for people that 

[00:41:28] Jami Shapiro: our age and older.

[00:41:29] Jami Shapiro: So yes. And they also say that you should pick one lane and then dominate that lane rather than putting yourself everywhere. So 

[00:41:35] Christine Kotik: yeah, I agree with that. So, yep. LinkedIn is probably where I'm at most often right now with my ADHD work, so. 

[00:41:43] Christine Kotik (2): Sure. 

[00:41:44] Jami Shapiro: Well, because entrepreneurs, that's that.

[00:41:46] Jami Shapiro: I, we can't go on that tangent, but yes. Yep. Anyway, I wanna thank you so much for taking your time to be with me, and I wanna thank those of you who listened for listening. If you liked what you heard, please share this. More people need to hear it so that we can. De-stigmatize ADHDand really open up the possibility of help for those of us who've lived our whole lives, not knowing why we were different and getting a better understanding.

[00:42:12] Jami Shapiro: So you can, as again, Grandma has ADHD, like, and subscribe to the podcast and find us on our Facebook group. Grandma has ADHD. Thank you so much. I hope that you really will take the wisdom that you heard today and help it help you make the rest of your life the best of your life. Thanks. 

[00:42:32] Christine Kotik: Awesome.

[00:42:32] Christine Kotik: Thanks Jamie.

 

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