Grandma Has ADHD

Episode 71 - Menopause, ADHD & Oversharing: What Women Over 50 Need to Know

• Jami Shapiro • Episode 71

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What happens when menopause, ADHD, hormones, and midlife all collide at once?

In this candid and deeply relatable episode of Grandma Has ADHD, host Jami Shapiro is joined by her longtime friend and Sparkler Society co-creator Lynn Layfield for an honest conversation about menopause, ADHD after 50, brain fog, hormones, emotional regulation, and what it really feels like to enter the “third act” of life.

Jami shares a milestone moment — officially entering menopause — and opens up about how hormonal shifts dramatically impacted her ADHD symptoms, energy, sleep, pain, focus, and overall quality of life. Together, Jami and Lynn explore how menopause can amplify ADHD challenges that many women have lived with undiagnosed for decades, often mislabeling symptoms as anxiety, depression, aging, or “just stress.”

They talk openly about hormone replacement therapy (HRT), white-knuckling menopause vs. getting support, brain fog, emotional dysregulation, sensory overload, and the often-ignored connection between estrogen and ADHD symptoms. The conversation also highlights the generational gap in ADHD diagnosis — especially for women — and why so many women only recognize ADHD after their children are diagnosed.

This episode is funny, validating, a little messy (in the best way), and incredibly empowering. It reframes menopause not as an ending, but as the beginning of a powerful new chapter — one where self-understanding, systems, and strengths finally come together.

If you’ve ever wondered why everything feels harder during menopause — or why ADHD symptoms suddenly feel louder — this conversation will make you feel seen.


Disclaimer 

This episode discusses ADHD, menopause, hormone replacement therapy, mental health, and medical topics. It is intended for education and awareness only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Always consult a qualified healthcare provider before making medical decisions. If you are experiencing emotional distress or a medical emergency, please seek immediate help.

Resources

Thank you for joining us for this episode of Grandma Has ADHD! We hope Jami's journey and insights into ADHD shed light on the unique challenges faced by older adults. Stay tuned for more episodes where we’ll explore helpful resources, share personal stories, and provide guidance for those navigating ADHD. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this podcast with friends who might benefit. Remember, Make the rest of your life the best of your life.

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Have you ever thought, is this just me? When struggling to stay organized, start tasks, or manage time, for those of us over 50, these challenges might not be just aging. They could be ADHD hiding in plain sight for decades. I'm ADHD Shapiro, host of Grandma has ADHD, and I'm building a community where your experiences matter.

Whether you are diagnosed, questioning or simply curious. You are not alone. Our Facebook group is filled with vibrant understanding. People over 50 who share their stories, strategies, and yes, even their struggles with plenty of laughter along the way. Ready to find your people. Join our growing grandma has ADHD Facebook community.

Please like and subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen and share it with someone who might need to hear. They're not alone because ADHD doesn't have an age limit and neither does understanding yourself better. Together, we're changing the conversation about ADHD after 50 come be part of the story.

Jami Shapiro: Hello and welcome to one of the more unique episodes of Grandma has ADHD. I am your host, Jami Shapiro. And I am joined again by my co-creator of the Sparkler Society. One of my best friends bridesmaids and fellow middle-aged woman, Lynn Layfield. Hi. Hey, nice to see you. I 

Lynn Layfield: am reporting from my dad's house, as you know his second bedroom.

And, you know, behind me is the vision of the Italian villa. 

Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. 

Lynn Layfield: So that's, 

Jami Shapiro: that's what's over my head, just so you know. Right. Why don't you share why you've been at your dad's house. I think that's, you know, kind of relevant to where we are in our lives right now. 

Lynn Layfield: Yeah. So my father is 85 and I love him dearly and I want him to be the next Betty White.

So I am trying to get him to a hundred plus. And you know, lately he's had some blood pressure issues, so I am over here. To help him with his daily routine, which is really quite interesting. Because I realize me helping someone else with their routine is really interesting. We put some strategies in play and he did very well.

So I am here sort of tag teaming with his girlfriend so that she can get a break. Caregivers need a break. Mm-hmm. And so today was my day. So, and then I'm just looking forward to spending time with my dad. You know, I love 

Jami Shapiro: spending time with my dad. That's awesome. Well, first of all, you left me wide open when you said you are trying to have your dad be like Betty White.

So I have to ask, when's gonna be the transition surgery?

Lynn Layfield: Oh, that's funny. Yeah. A six foot four Italian man. I wouldn't hold your breath. 

Jami Shapiro: But you know, it does. I am recording an episode on a day. I normally, just so those of you who know and you follow me, I do what's called batch recording. So I choose Mondays to be the day that I have a period in my schedule that I record the podcast.

And anything that we can do to set ourselves up, as you mentioned for success. And I just know this is when I do my podcast. but today is a Thursday. And I also wanna highlight before I go into the punchline and why I wanted to do this special episode is that this is gonna be one of the only times that Lynn and I do an interview where she's a year older than I am because she just turned 56 and I've got a birthday following to turn 56, the following.

So you're older than me. Nanny. Nanny.

Lynn Layfield: Yeah. Well, in the ADHD space, I don't have to say I may be older, but I'm not wiser than you. you are thoroughly getting educated in this space. So I am following your lead on that. So even though I'm aging a little faster than you by two weeks. Yes. I think 

Jami Shapiro: 20 days almost three, but that's semantics.

Yeah, so I actually wanted to, I called Lynn yesterday, and this is gonna sound crazy, and, you know, in the world of ADHD and in fact, I just did a book club interview where one of the questions that was asked to me is how it felt to overshare and put so much. Was so vulnerable and private in my book.

And I jokingly said, you know, at the International ADHD conference, there was a bingo card and one of the bingo things that you could check off was, you know, who did you overshare with? Because that's such an ADHD thing. So this in the world of oversharing, this is gonna be among the top of the oversharing that I will do.

So now drum roll. The reason that I wanted to record this episode is that for the last eight years, I have been tracking my period with a period tracker on my phone, which, by the way, I wish that that had existed when I was young because I would never have any idea when my period was coming and that that'll be part of this story.

But today, I am officially a menopausal woman. 

Lynn Layfield: Congratulations, welcome to I don't, 

Jami Shapiro: yeah, I mean, and that's, you know, it's like, it's a very weird. Like, wow, I just hit a year. Like, and I remember. So here's what's crazy. So I had asked you yesterday, I said, Lynn, tomorrow is my, I'm gonna be a menopausal woman tomorrow.

we have to mark this milestone. 'cause there's a lot that I'm feeling about it and, and I thought it would be better to talk with someone about it than, you know, just rant. 'cause that's certainly more interesting. But this is true story. My sixth grade best friend who I'm, I'm gonna be visiting Jacksonville next week to see you and see my mom and, do some of our work for Sparkler Society. But I'm, I set a coffee date to see my sixth grade best friend. So we've been friends since we were 11 and she literally texted me this picture yesterday. It's called Menopause Barbie. and I'm like, that's so crazy. Because I remember she was one of the first people that I told when I got my period, because that was back in the day when we were all reading Judy Bloom and Judy Bloom.

Had, are you there? God, it's me, Margaret. And I, I don't know about Lynn. Were you one of those We must, we must, we must increase our bust people. 

Lynn Layfield: Yeah. I had a friend that yeah, we were doing that. Mm-hmm. 

Jami Shapiro: So, I'm not even kidding when I tell you that this is the story about me getting my very first period, I would pray for my period.

I was 12, I was almost 13 years old. So my birthday's in January, it was October right before I turned 13. And I'm literally. On the bathroom praying, please God, please give me my period. You know, they say, be careful what you wish for. Yes. So I look down and there's blood and I mean, it's probably one of the more exciting things in my life.

So, full circle. But anyway, I have to share with you what this menopausal Barbie says. And I'm gonna see if we can share it in the link. When people watch this on YouTube, they'll able to see it and I think they'll, may be able to be a link to a picture, I'm not sure, but you probably could just go online and find the image pretty easily.

But it says. it's a Barbie with her hair, up in the messy bun, a big coffee in her hand. Her phone in her hand. It says five relatable accessories to do. And then the to-dos are call herp, doctor by milk sort life. That was number three. Then you see the ADHD meds. Those are on the bottom.

And oversized coffee. Many to-do list. ADHD meds. Five relatable accessories. So I thought it was very funny that the perimenopausal Barbie also mentioned ADHD. And, well, don't 

Lynn Layfield: you remember, for Halloween, I dressed up as the Menopause Barbie and I had all those things with me. Plus I had a fan and like a towel.

Jami Shapiro: And that is so you and absolutely. In fact, the fact that I do remember it just goes to show our Swiss cheese, you know, siv brains because, you know, I don't remember random things, but I do remember that that was your costume. How clever are you, Lynn? 

Lynn Layfield: Well, I figured, you know, me in a Barbie box probably I, I needed to explain myself.

so Menopause Barbie was the way to go and, and I had actually bought a shirt, two sizes too small. Mm-hmm. And I had a tan shirt underneath it to just let my belly hang all out. And I was wearing, I got my outfit from Walmart and yeah, and I had a shirt that was like, not today, like, you know, like, you're not gonna get by me today.

'cause like, I'm menopause Barbie. I, I know what's going on, 

but yeah. when did you officially mark your menopause? You know. I guess I wasn't watching it as closely as you. I've never done that period tracker app, although I probably should have, because obviously I had PMS symptoms that probably would've helped.

Maybe I should have put that app on my husband's phone. So it would've helped explain sort of like when I was too tired to do the things that I do. But I would say, I mean, I've been over that hump. For about three years now. Oh three or four years. And the first thing that I kind of. Enjoyed when I realized it.

wasn't coming anymore was getting rid of all my tampons. I mean, to me that was just like, you know of course I haven't been on hormones for a long time because my husband agreed to get a vasectomy. So I've just let my hormones flow, which is another reason why I think that I might have gone over the top a little faster than some of my friends.

But I would say my celebration was I opened up my drawer and I had, for some reason I thought it was gonna continue forever. So I had bought this humongous box of varying sizes of tampons. 'cause I didn't know what I was gonna get. AndI just tossed that out. I mean, obviously that's something you can't drop a goodwill, so I just tossed it out.

Again, that's another example of just money loss. Because I overspent I thought it was gonna go on forever. So I bought a big old Costco package. And so there was that. The other thing that I think is interesting is, I'm actually one of those people that I am trying to sort of white knuckle my way through it.

So when I was in London with a friend of mine who was also in the same position I was, she's about four years older than me. Her and I were jackets on, jackets off, jackets on. Jacket it off, hair up, hair down, hair up. And our husbands were just watching us do this dance of hot flashes. So it was really interesting and I've been sort of doing that ever since.

Jami Shapiro: How did you feel about it? Because like, I'm feeling feelings about like, That chapter is over. and you know, when we're young little, we don't think about our periods and it's a nothing. And then when you realize that that's something that comes and it makes you a woman and like me, some people, you know, were excited to have that happen.

And in factin Judaism there is a tradition where you're supposed to slap the girl across her face when she gets her period. And I can't recall. I'm gonna look it up when we take a break 'cause I did look it up before. I was telling a friend of mine who has teenage daughters about it.

So again, I was excited. And then you have your period, and then you have your babies, and then that's a whole other challenge to your body. and then this is, oh my gosh, Now it feels like that is the marker to that third chapter in our lives. 

And so I'm feeling, I mean, I hate to use this term 'cause it's so cliche, but it's true. I'm feeling all the feels. 

Lynn Layfield: Yeah, I think the way I felt about it wasfrom a physical standpoint especially after my husband had the vasectomy. I was like, why do I need a period? Like, I don't want this anymore.

Like, this is, I'm done. This is, I'm dealing with this. And then of course. There was such variety as you head towards the end of menopause. Not to get too gross, but there were times where I wasn't prepared for what was happening and there were times that I was like overly prepared.

So the unpredictability of like, can I go swimming? Can I go to this thing? Can I wear white pants? You know, was a little much, but I would like to say that, I like this chapter. I know, I know. It comes with a little bit of weight gain. I never really used to carry weight in my middle and I suddenly found out I woke up one day and like somebody put a barrel over my body and I don't know where my waist went.

And so I've been trying to kind of work to get my waist back. But I think it's, you come to a point of sort of. Body acceptance. and now I'm sort of thinking, and I hate to bring this all the way back to ADHD, but I'm kind of thinking that ADHD menopausal women I feel like we're gonna live forever.

I feel like I have more energy than some of my friends who are in menopause who don't have it. 

Jami Shapiro: Hmm. is that, are you noticing 

Lynn Layfield: that. 

Jami Shapiro: I've always had so much energy that it's gonna be hard to say. And again, this is day one. I mean, I'm, you know, but unlike you, I did not choose to white knuckle it. I am on all of the hormone replacement.

Because I recognized truthfully that my ADHD was going to impact. My day-to-day life and my business and, you know, as a business owner with people relying on me, I could not afford to drop all the balls. But really the other thing that happened, so with my situation, I ended up back in 2020, I was doing avid yoga, you know.

Six days a week sometimes. And even with C-O-V-I-D-I, I was doing yoga with my friends over Zoom, the ones that I would do in the studio, but then I got frozen shoulder and I could not do, I couldn't even do Shavasana. Did, did that just freeze for you? No, no. I'm good. Just took you off of my screen.

That was so crazy. So there was my squirrel, so I couldn't even do Shavasana. And so my yoga practicewas impacted by the way. I went to my doctor, I went to an orthopedic. No one suggested that it could be menopausal, perimenopausal related, nobody. Oh, yeah. And then so the brain fog, you know, I just, I just felt like I.

I didn't have it together even more than I normally didn't have it together. Wow. but then the thing that really put me over was the pain. I had so much pain, I couldn't exercise. And for me, you know, when you have ADHD, that exercise is really, really critical to our bodies and what we need.

And I mean, that's one of the number one things. In fact, David Giwerc, who I respect immensely. He has been on a podcast. He actually founded the ADHD training or it's called ADDCA A-D-D-C-A Coach Academy. And he will not even take a client unless they're on an exercise regime. So I can't exercise, so I'm like, I gotta do something.

And I will tell you that about three months into taking the hormones everything came back. My sex drive came back, the body pain went away. I was able to sleep. That was the other thing. I could not go through the night without getting up like every two hours to go to the bathroom. And that's not good when you can't.

Sleep and all of a sudden I could sleep through the night again. So, you know, and, and honestly, a lot of people don't take the hormones because they did some studies some really incorrect studies on the wrong demographic. and now they're going back and realizing that the study that they based, all of this don't go onto hormones really wasn't accurate.

And there's so many benefits to being on hormones. And by the way, Lynn, if you're going To do them. They say you need to do them within a certain amount of time of going through menopause. Otherwise they're not gonna be effective. So. Anyway, I am on all of the hormones and God bless the hormones.

That's all I have to say. And I have, well, yeah, I may have missed my window. Jami, I may have missed the window. I don't think, I don't think you did. I think I've heard within five or 10 years or something. I'm not a doctor, so please, please check that one out. But don't, like, I have to white knuckle it either.

Like why? Why do you have to white knuckle it and maybe do some research on the benefits of hormones? But this is not about that. 

Lynn Layfield: well, yeah, but I think the other thing tooI should probably just go ahead and admit. My self-medication strategy because anyone who's gonna be joining the Sparkler Society is going to hear about my personal addiction.

and I'm okay with it. I'm not because I have seen some memes where I am not alone. maybe I will start a little chat group called I love Diet Coke, and I don't know why maybe we can get a Diet Coke sponsor, but I don't know why. It's only Diet Coke there can be no Diet Pepsi.

Some people have tried to get me diet Dr. Pepper, especially if I'm staying at a Marriott because they don't offer Diet Coke. secret, they do offer diet Coke. You have to ask for it. But diet Dr. Cokeis what? I've been using to kind of get me out of that brain fog sort of thing. Now it's not just any diet Coke.

I just wanna put this out there. It has to come from a fountain drink. It has to be like 90% ice. And like, can we have, 

Jami Shapiro: can we have a squirrel moment for a second? Yes. Okay, so go ahead. when Lynn came to stay with me, I had stocked up Diet Coke not realizing it was the fountain situation. So one morning and Lynn's been like, not only does she help with the Sparkler Society, and she's a partner in that, but she was also helping me.

Silver Linings Transitions, which plug for my business is my move management and home organizing business in San Diego. And one of the things that we've shared is that I'm not good with, with computers and systems and technology and so Lynn came in to, to look at how we were running and really systemize some of our processes.

So she was like really working hard and she's like, Jami, could you please go to McDonald's? And get me like a real proper diet Coke, right? And I'm like, okay, you know, you're taking such good care of me. I'm going to do this for you. Well, I don't go to McDonald's. For those of you who haven't heard, I had cancer 21 years ago, and I try for the.

Part to put reasonably healthy things into my body. So I'm always shaking my head when I give Lynn the Diet Coke. In fact, I, she knows like to even have it in my house, you know, I'm, it's painful for me to watch her have this Diet Coke. But anyway, I decide that I'm gonna be a good friend and I'm gonna go get her that big jumbo diet Coke.

Because I'm not used to going to McDonald's. I run the curb and I now have the first accident on in my car. I've had my car for four years and I have it. I don't even wanna say what I have 'cause I'm embarrassed about it, but that's a whole political thing. But I've never had a car with sensors. And so every other car I've ever had has had dings in it.

Every other car. And I even said probably earlier in this podcast, not this specific episode, but like, this is the first time I've driven a car that doesn't have a ding. Well, now thanks to Lynn and her diet Coke broke my record. 

Lynn Layfield: I told her when she came back, I asked for a Diet Coke, not a diet Coke, and a ding.

Jami Shapiro: That wasn't your fault. Well, because I wouldn't have gone to McDonald's, so, you know, it wasn't a place I was used to going and, you know, anyway, so, yeah. 

Lynn Layfield: So that is, yeah, so, so I, you know, I'm not on hormones. I am on Diet Coke. I will, you know, mention. Diet Coke several times. You know again, in the Sparkler Society, maybe as Diet Coke people started chat because I have seen several memes especially women my age who it, this is the one thing that we are kind of saying, we don't wanna give up.

Now I've been in a restaurant where a waitresses walked up and and I heard a table over two other women where the waitress came up. They said, do you have Diet Coke? And the waitress said, no, we have Diet Pepsi. And she was obviously a younger woman and they were like, nevermind, give us some wine.

And I was like, diet Coke to wine. That, that resonates. that is accurate. Like if you have Diet Pepsi, then I'm gonna have to go to wine. 

Jami Shapiro: Well, I wanna go back to the, to the menopause because, so, so this is another interesting thing. So I also wanna share with you that, that my best friend, what I am discovering is that, you know, we were a generation of people who were not diagnosed with ADHD, but we are realizing that we have ADHD because our children are being diagnosed.

And when we're learning about their diagnosis, we're like, oh. Ding, ding, ding. but our mothers and our, you know, our mothers didn't, didn't benefit from that because we were not diagnosed. We were the kids that were not diagnosed. So anyway, my best friend from middle school, what I'm discovering is that the majority of my very good friends through the years.

Had ADHD, which totally, you know, makes sense now. But when I started to learn about ADHD and I reached out to her, I'm like, oh, she totally had it. And this funny thing is that earlier in the week, when we were texting about getting together and I'm gonna share you some of the text messages 'cause I think people will relate.

We were talking about I said.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. I'm gonna find this for you. I, I basically said what do you think of my ADHD thing? This is my question. She goes, congratulations. So exciting for you. A published author. I said, does the message resonate? Crickets. So this was back on, sunday. Oh no, this was Saturday.

I did not hear from her. So then of course, my rejection sensitivity, ruminating mind is like, oh, I offended her. She doesn't, you know, she doesn't wanna acknowledge it. And now she's not talking to me. So that's where I go to. So then yesterday she sends me this meme of the perimenopause Barbie and I said, funny, you should send that today, tomorrow marks one year since my last period.

So we go into this conversation and then I say, that I basically remembered that she had lied about getting hers because she actually had it. She was one of those kids that got it early but she was embarrassed that she had it. So she waited for everybody to catch up and then, you know, she told everybody.

she told me that one of her children is being evaluated for ADHD. Well, you know, ding, ding, ding, right? Ding, ding. Yeah. I said I was going to mention that to you. That given what I know about ADHD and you as a child, I suspect you have it. And it runs heavily in families. All three of my children have it.

And then she said yes, her older child, her middle child. Has already been diagnosed and they said that the kids said that they think that their father has it. I'm like, well, I think you have it too. And then I said she used to twirl her hair all the time, like she was constantly, which I've learned is, is a stemming thing.

And that's very much an ADHD thing. And I used to chew, collars of my, not the collars. I used to chew the ribbons of my shirt or I would chew my hair, I would chew pencils. And then pen holderness talked about you could see pictures of him with his collar chewed. So that, that chewing thing or that doing something, did you do anything like that?

Yeah, 

Lynn Layfield: I had pencils and then I don't know if thumb sucking, like when you were younger you used to drive my mom crazy. I did that. 

Jami Shapiro: Oh, that's interesting because my youngest child who was diagnosed also was a thumb sucker. Yeah. So I was telling her why she had it, and I basically said something like, I would give you a hundred bucks if you didn't have it.

I'm so sure that you have it. and by the way, 80% of people who have it don't realize they do. now here's the other part. She is a high school teacher. Mm-hmm. And so we start talking about all of the symptoms of ADHD.

then she says, I have diagnosed anxiety and depression and PTSD. Then I send her the meme with the Scooby meme, which I've shared before, the top one is who's the blonde guy from Scooby-Doo Fred. Fred. So you know how the,villain was always, yeah.so the villain says depression and anxiety, and then it says, let's see who this really is, and they pull off the mask and it's untreated ADHD.

 

Lynn Layfield: that was me as a child. Yeah. I mean, you know, that was me as a child, anxiety. And so, yeah, that makes sense. 

Jami Shapiro: And so I write a little bit more about the book, which I'm gonna give her a signed copy when I see her and she goes, sound interesting. And that makes sense. ADHD is for middle school boys that won't sit down.

Now this is a teacher. Wow. and that is what she knows of ADHD in this day and age. So that was one thing I wanted to share because, and I did yoga this past week and I think I talked about that in another but I'll share it in a year though. The yoga instructor made a couple comments, and of course I'm always, you know, hearing it in people.

And I go up to her afterwards and she's like, oh yeah, my son has ADHD. And I'm like, well, I bet you do too. Just wanna say this, I can't diagnose anybody. I'm not a doctor. You need to find a therapist in your area who understands ADHD and can evaluate you. But even still, we don't have great great ways of evaluating ADHD, especially in women or girls.

It's the criteria that they're using for children. And by the way, ADHD changes as we age, so it doesn't look. Same way. So the criteria isn't going to be the same. And they're missing one of the biggest parts of ADHD from the DSM five, which is the emotional dysregulation. They don't really talk about that, but that's one of the biggest challenges of ADHD is that mood swing, which I'm gonna bring back to our hormones.

Lynn Layfield: Yeah. Well, and I am, looking forward to a time where we also talk about all the strengths and really focus in on the strengths. You had sent me that one podcast with that doctor, and I can't recall his name, but Dr. 

Jami Shapiro: Hallowell is like the, you know, expert in ADHD. 

He was at Harvard. 

Lynn Layfield: Yeah. 

Jami Shapiro: Yeah, 

Lynn Layfield: Harvard. And he's written several and he talks about strength, many books. Strength training. I really like that focusing on the strengths and finding what is your difficult andbeing at this age and, being,in a menopause woman in my third act, man, I'm looking forward to really focusing on finding my next difficult my next inspiration andusing all those ADHD superpowers. for me, this is. The best time. And then it was so funny because when I was in California with you, we had the best time.

And then all I can think about is looking forward to our Golden Girls House, where clearly I think everybody in the house is going to have to have ADHD. 

Jami Shapiro: Well, so here's gonna be a challenge. When Lynn and I decided that we were much younger and I was married to my first husband at the time, that we were gonna eventually, outlive our husbands and move into the Golden Girls house.

But I threw a monkey wrench into that plan because my fiance is nine years younger than I am. So you're gonna really have to live a long time because I gotta outlive him. Or you're gonna have to move in with us and he doesn't have ADHD, so I'll have to see how that goes. We're gonna take a pause right now because that's how I keep the lights on.

That is how I feed Benji snacks to keep him quiet for the podcast. But you know, this information is given to you because I am so passionate about making a difference in your life. And actually, when we do come back, I do wanna talk about my feeling on the strengths of ADHD and why we have it.

Soif you are enjoying this podcast, please share it. And like it because we need. A lot of people need to understand the impact of ADHD and people, and evenmy friend yesterday said, well, why does it matter at this point? And I'm like, it is game changing when you can put systems in place that you understand yourself, that you stop beating yourself up.

And there's, so much that goes into that. So we're gonna take a pause, but please like this podcast, share it. and if you want to be with Lynn and me more, then you are gonna wanna join the Sparkler Society That is a membership for women. We're not gonna discriminate against men if you guys wanna be there with us.

Okay. But it's really for middle aged women. I would say 40 ish. And above who definitely are impacted by the changes in life and trying to, you know, keep it all together our whole lives and now rediscovering who we are and living the best way we can. And a couple of the things that I know about ADHD is we need accountability and we need group support, and we just are motivated by.

Doing things together, having deadlines. Lynn's gonna be doing tech support. We have so much that we have planned. So you're gonna wanna go to Jami shapiro.me. That's J-A-M-I-S-H-A-P-I-R-O. I had to think about that one for a minute, dot me 'cause I couldn't get.com to check out the Sparkler Society and learn more about us.

We are locking people in. If you join before March 1st, by February 28th. You will get lifetime access to our entry rates. But after that we are, you know, who knows where we're gonna go 'cause I think we're gonna save so many men, women, so much money and so much sanity that we're gonna be worth.

Every penny and more. Anything else you wanna say about that before we take a pause? 

Lynn Layfield: I'd like to say thatthe component that I am looking forward to bringing is really kind of helping you with technology and having technology work for you. A lot of people are saying that the technology is actually.

Hurting people with ADHD because it's just constant notifications and that type of stuff. So just know that we've built this platform not to overwhelm you. And so I'm keeping it very simple and very easy to use and provide you a lot of. Support. But then also, you know, we can talk about some of your other technology habits and some strategies.

So really looking forward to that because, you know, now everybody is wanting our attention and we wanna give everybody our attention because that's who we are. But you know, we can talk about ways to maybe turn off that tech. For a little bit and focus on what it is that gives you value.

Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. Okay. We're gonna pause and then we're gonna come back and talk about why I think ADHD exists. So be right back.

 

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Jami Shapiro: We're back. Really quickly, one thing before we go on to the positives of ADHD, one of the things that I learned that I wish, that I had known is that women with ADHD have rougher periods.

We tend to be more emotional. We tend to feel, have more cramping. I wish I had known that I remember my period being so bad that I would need to miss school because I just could not, and I didn't know. And I also, my mood was. So up and down it was so uncontrollable. That again, I think these girls now who are, who know, or women who know they have ADHD and are, and are going through their periods, they've got a playbook that we didn't have.

And I also wanna just other thing out. I literally. ended up with a zit on my nose, like a big white head yesterday, which I'm like, wait, I'm supposed to be in menopause. I'm still getting pimples. But you know, now they have these stickers that you can decorate your pimples and you can decorate 'em.

You can camouflage 'em, and then they pull the stuff. Did you know this? No. I wish they had that. I used to have that problem when all over are like putting stars on their pimples. I'm like, there's so many good things and I bet that was invented by someone with ADHD. So that leads me to the good and you know, ADHD absolutely has its challenges, but, oh my, are we, like I, I'm one of those people by the way, that I believe that those of us who were born with ADHD have it for a reason.

And I think when you understand the power of your brain and you harness that power, like watch, watch me, watch what I can do, right. 

Lynn Layfield: Yeah. Well, you know, I'm sitting here in this elderly community where my father lives, it's a 55 and older. What's 

Jami Shapiro: that? That's not an elderly community because you are 56, but it's a senior, no, whatever, 

Lynn Layfield: you know, a senior, I don't, I don't know.

I don't know a politically correct way we call it, but people 55 and older. My dad being 85, so my dad is 85 next door, I believe she's in her eighties. So yesterday, of course, me being the way that I am, I forgot the key to my dad's house. So I had to go to the next door neighbor. And when I was hanging out with the next door neighbor she was a very successful entrepreneur.

And when I went into her house and was talking to her, I was like, another fellow elderly, ADHD person. So as she was there in the house looking for the key to give me, to give to my dad, I mean, for me to get in the house. She was talking about several of the businesses that she had started over the years.

' cause I told her, you know, about what you and I are doing. and then she started talking about them and, oh, this life. And, not just her past life, but the things that she was doing just this week, just this week, all the things that she was going to up at the clubhouse. She was in this book club.

I said, oh, what's, she was getting ready to head out the door because she was going to go exercise in, you know. Fabulous. She looks great. Very, very healthy. Mm-hmm. And it, it just got me very excited about this third act and I was like, yeah, maybe I should just go walk around the neighborhood and see who else is out and about.

Mm-hmm. But that is what I'm hoping, you know, again our Golden Girls Houses is below. 

Jami Shapiro: so we have this brain, right? And it does need stimulation. And one of the things that I've learned is just like autism exists on a spectrum. ADHD exists on the spectrum, and also it can cycle through.

Like we can have periods where we're in, in fact, from what I have heard possibly, that when we are pregnant, because we have more estrogen, our ADHD is more under control.but we have this. Amazing brain and we need to learn to work with the brain. And that's why Ned Hallowell going back to him, he uses the term, it's like having a Ferrari brain and bicycle breaks.

Because if you craft this brain and you work with this brain and you figure out like. what am I good at? Where am I like you with the technology? Like this is where I excel, right? And so give me technology and watch what I can do with technology, but ask me to do technology and I'm literally gonna like start stuttering and I'm gonna shut down on you.

I'm gonna like completely go into my amygdala brain. So it's like figuring out. What we're good at and what lights us up, and then putting our energy towards that. And so I think that what we need to understand is that we can achieve anything we want to, if we want to and if we don't want to, if we're sitting in that math class and math doesn't interest us, well, no wonder your math grade is gonna suck, right?

Yeah. so I think, I believe, you know, to use Lady Gaga's term baby, you were born this way. Like, you know, I heard it in another podcast. I love Tracy Otsuka. I can't remember the, doctors, A black woman doctor was saying that only 3% of doctors. Are black women, but she also is a black woman with ADHD.

So she was just talking about, you know, the stigma of ADHD. And she's like, None of us chose it. Like it. It chose us, right? Like it chose us. And so now that this is who you are, harness that energy. So we're creative, we're innovative. Were funny. I mean, that's one of the things I've discovered is if you see an ADHD person, in their zone, they light up.

Right? Like they are like a magnet. So. 

Lynn Layfield: Yeah. and you have to have a good sense of humor, especially as you age. I have to say that everybody that I've met among my dad's friends, they have a very healthy sense of humor about everything that's gonna be coming our way and what life throws at us.

And then the other part I think we haven't talked about at this time in our lives, it's a great time to focus on ourselves. I mean, I love my children. I do, I just wanna put it out there. Love you. Butkind of glad that that part, you know, is over where I, as a woman, I felt like I did put myself kind of children first, me second, you know?

Mm-hmm. And then somewhere in thereI did put some effort towards my husband, and my husband and I think, I think Brian as well with you. Now is like, let her fly. I really like the place that I am in, in life and in my marriage and the partner that I've chosen who is not gonna hold me back from being me.

And I think that's going to be great because I'm still figuring out who he is. Mm-hmm. And working on my superpowers. I love technology and then there are times I'm not a big, have text with a ping on my phone. But I'm surrounded by a lot of people that I hear the ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, or I hear their ping on their watches, or you go out to lunch and I hear pings and other people.

But that's okay. That's their lives. And you know, I'm still learning and I read that book, let them have their pings with their text and their watches. But from a technology standpoint, that's not my jam. unfortunately, that will draw me in like almost too much.

so yeah, discovery and excitement and strengths. That's where we're going. Yeah. Well, you and I have talked, I think we need to mention this. You and I several times have said. We need a partnership together. So this particular project, I just wanna let you know, I was up till two in the morning last night because I was in my hyper focus and I completely redid some other parts of the platform and so I'm really looking forward to us talking and showing that to you when you come in town.

So just know that I'm finding my difficult and I'm finding my partnership. 

Jami Shapiro: You and I excited. Yeah. Lynn and I have always wanted to work together. We've tried a few things and nothing stuck. We did another podcast, didn't stick. But when you find that thing, that thing that completely lights you up, and, and with ADHD we need a passion.

We need. Most people do by the way but we especially like Will thrive. and I've actually heard like, if you wanna get something done, you find people who have ADHD and let that be their zone of genius. But I'll say one more thing in closing about this like menopause thing, right?

And I'm trying to approach it. Using one of my ADHD superpowers. And that's curiosity. Because, and that's also something that I've spoken about in this podcast is, and it helps with successful aging, is to be curious. It's like, and that's one of the wonderful things about ADHD, like, we don't have superficial conversations.

We wanna understand how somebody thinks the way they think, and why they think the way they think. And we're not like, how's the weather? That's. It's gonna bore us there. That is we don't do boredom. Okay. We're allergic to boredom. So the curiosity of, okay, like. As I'm chiseling away at all of the things Jami was and taking off the responsibilities of the children and, you know, the hormonal fluctuation 'cause I absolutely had the hormonal fluctuation.

Who am I? What lights me up? I mean, I kind of figured it out already, really, like if I'm just doing more and more of this, because every time someone realizes they have ADHD and they can connect with my messageI just feel like I was put on earth.

To deliver this message. I mean that we are here at this time doing what we're supposed to be doing, but I wanted to mark the menopause thing because I mean, it's gonna be there for all of posterity. it'll hopefully outlive me. But just to say like. I wasn't as excited about approaching menopause as I was about getting my period.

But I do wanna share one funny thing with you. So, you know, when you go through menopause, like you, would go like 50 days without having a period, and then I'd have one after two weeks. Right. So there was no rhyme or reason. But, and I will also say because my fiance is nine years younger than me.

Aging has been something that I haven't really wanted to openly discuss because he's not in the stage that I'm in yet. Like he's not having the issues that a man in his fifties would have 'cause he's still a man in his forties. So that's been part of why, and when we started dating, I was 50 and I had a regular period, like almost every 30 days.

So, so he's seen me go through that. But I remember thinking that I was kind of sad that this was coming to an end. And then I swear to you, God threw the period from hell at me and it was like, get this away from me. I mean, the pain and the gushing, and I'm like, oh. Good one. And I think that was my last period, by the way.

Yeah. And it was like. It's gonna, all of it. It's just you, you think you want this, you know? 

Lynn Layfield: Yeah, yeah, yeah. that's where it's crazy 'cause you mentioned like a milestone, like I had opened up that bathroom drawer a thousand times and had never seen that gigantic, ginormous box of tampax until.

I believe God said, oh no, you are really done. Like you are done, done. Like, you keep thinking you're not done, but you are officially done. Andthe day I threw away, I guess that would be my acceptance. 

Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. 

Lynn Layfield: Of not anticipating that happening anymore. 

Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. 

Lynn Layfield: And so that must've been my day, but I didn't get to call you Jami on that day 'cause it was just.

It just seemed like it was the right thing to do, and interestingly enough. I was kind of surprised my husband didn't prompt me because it was taking a large share of the door. I mean, it was big, it was Costco. So he didn't prompt me to do it. And maybe that's because he was like, I don't know what's going on with you.

I mean, he didn't really know what was going on with me, and maybe he did, he definitely didn't notice other than, I didn't have as many of those big mood swings. Mm-hmm. 

Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. So 

Lynn Layfield: I actually had positive menopause effects that my sex drive kind of skyrocketed similar to when I was pregnant.

There were some times when I was pregnant where I don't know if I got a flush of something that was like, I need you right now. So he did get that positive rush there. 

Jami Shapiro: That's awesome. Okay, well this was fun. I so appreciate that. I got to share this with you and not sure when this is gonna air yet, if we're gonna drop it on a Tuesday, you know, but I just, like I said, I wanted to mark this.

What better way than to do it this way. So anything else you wanna say in closing? Because of course I've stacked my appointments too tight to each other and I've got another one I gotta get on. 

Lynn Layfield: No, no. Thank you for letting me join and talk to you about this and yeah. I'm glad we recorded it.

This is interesting. Me 

Jami Shapiro: too. Okay, well everybody thank you for listening. Thank you for letting me be TMI, too much information all over you oversharing. Because if you have ADHD or you suspect you have ADHD, then this is gonna be a conversation that you're gonna feel like you could have had with one of your best friends.

And I just appreciate having this platform in this space to be among my people. So please go out and make. The rest of your life. What? Lynn? Come on. What? And bring me in the rest of your life. The magical, sparkly. Sparkly. No, no. The best. The best. Oh, I forgot. I forgot. That's the best. Okay, so say it again.

Make your drinks some more. Diet Coke. So say it the whole thing. How do I end my podcast, Lynn? Make the 

Lynn Layfield: rest of your life the best of your life. 

Jami Shapiro: Yay. Okay. I would say I couldn't have said it better, but really I could.

The opinions expressed on Grandma has ADHD podcast are those of our guests and hosts and are intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. This podcast does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The content discussed in this episode is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Always seek the advice of your physician, mental health, professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or mental health concern. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on this podcast.

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Jami Shapiro

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