Grandma Has ADHD

Episode 75 - ADHD and Relationships

• Jami Shapiro • Episode 75

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In this episode, we dive into the complex, beautiful, and sometimes messy world of ADHD and relationships with psychotherapist and relationship expert Anita Robertson. Together, we explore how neurodiversity shapes the way we love, communicate, and connect — especially when both partners are navigating different brain wiring.

Anita shares her personal journey with ADHD, how it influenced her path into couples therapy, and why traditional relationship models often miss the mark for neurodiverse couples. Drawing from her clinical work and lived experience, she explains how emotional regulation, attachment patterns, and family dynamics intersect with ADHD — and how couples can build tools that actually work for them.

We also talk about late diagnoses, generational patterns, and the powerful role of awareness in breaking cycles of shame and misunderstanding. From the impact of rejection sensitivity to the importance of praise and curiosity in relationships, this conversation is packed with practical insights and heartfelt moments.

Whether you’re in a neurodiverse relationship, recently diagnosed, or simply curious about how ADHD shows up in connection and intimacy, this episode offers compassion, validation, and actionable takeaways.

What You’ll Learn

  • How ADHD traits influence romantic and family relationships
  • Why emotional dysregulation and rejection sensitivity can create conflict cycles
  • The connection between attachment styles, trauma history, and neurodiversity
  • How late ADHD diagnoses can reshape identity and relationships
  • Practical ways couples can communicate and support each other more effectively

About the Guest

Anita Robertson is a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and relationship specialist focused on helping neurodiverse couples thrive. She integrates attachment-based, emotionally focused, and Gottman-informed approaches with ADHD-affirming strategies, and is the author of ADHD and Us: A Couple’s Guide to Loving and Living with Adult ADHD.

Resources & Links Mentioned:

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@grandma_has_adhd
@silverliningstransitions

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Youtube:

Grandma Has ADHD

Key Themes

ADHD • Neurodiverse Relationships • Emotional Regulation • Attachment • Family Patterns • Late Diagnosis • Communication Tools

Thank you for joining us for this episode of Grandma Has ADHD! We hope Jami's journey and insights into ADHD shed light on the unique challenges faced by older adults. Stay tuned for more episodes where we’ll explore helpful resources, share personal stories, and provide guidance for those navigating ADHD. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this podcast with friends who might benefit. Remember, Make the rest of your life the best of your life.

Follow us:

Instagram:

@grandma_has_adhd
@silverliningstransitions

Facebook:

Silver Linings Transitions
Grandma Has ADHD (Facebook Page & Group)

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Grandma Has ADHD

[00:00:00] Speaker: Hello. Today we're diving [00:00:10] into something that touches every single one of us relationships, and not just any relationship, but how A DHD shows up in the partnerships we care about [00:00:20] most. Our guest today is Anita Robertson, a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist who's become a leading voice in helping neurodiverse couples.

[00:00:29] Speaker: [00:00:30] Thrive. Anita specializes in relationship therapy, blending approaches like attachment therapy, emotional focus therapy, and gottman therapy. But here's what makes her work truly [00:00:40] special. She is taken these proven methods and made them a DHD friendly, and she didn't just do it from a textbook. Anita has a DHD herself, and [00:00:50] that lived experience combined with her professional ex expertise led her to create the A DHD relationship bootcamp, a preventative program that gives couples the [00:01:00] skills to communicate when you've got two differently wired brains trying to connect after working with countless neurodiverse couples and seeing the same pain [00:01:10] points surface again and again.

[00:01:11] Speaker: Anita wrote the book literally in 2020. Anita wrote the book literally in 2020. She published A DH, D and [00:01:20] US, A Couple's Guide to Loving and Living with Adult A DHD, her mission to help couples learn the skills early so they can prevent the frustration and hurt that [00:01:30] so many face down the road beyond her relationship work.

[00:01:33] Speaker: Anita is a passionate social, social justice advocate, fighting for everything from telehealth, access [00:01:40] to educational equity to L-G-B-T-Q rights. She brings that same commitment to understanding how systematic issues impact mental health into everything she [00:01:50] does. So get ready for an honest, insightful conversation about love A DHD and building relationships that work for both partners.

[00:01:59] Speaker: Whew, [00:02:00] I'm out of breath from that. Thanks, Anita. I'm so excited to have you. 

[00:02:04] Speaker 2: Oh, I'm so excited to be here. I don't think I've told you this, but like the name of your [00:02:10] podcast. I love because my grandma obviously not diagnosed 'cause you know, she 

[00:02:14] Speaker: mm-hmm. 

[00:02:15] Speaker 2: Um, passed away last year at 98 years old. But she is my favorite [00:02:20] person in the whole world and such a pioneer.

[00:02:22] Speaker 2: I think my life has been so much better 'cause she definitely has like the amazing A DHD brain and just [00:02:30] like pioneered so many. Things that work for A DHD that like, I think, impacted my life in a positive way in so many others. And so like, I [00:02:40] definitely have like a full on obsession with my grandma. Um, you know, still.

[00:02:44] Speaker 2: So I just love the name of your podcast. Um, because there's probably still so many like younger people who [00:02:50] are realizing, oh, if I have a DHD, oh, who else in my family? Who else in my family? And kind of making make sense of your life, so. 

[00:02:58] Speaker: Yeah. I'm so glad you brought that up. And [00:03:00] it's so funny because, and I, you know, if you, if you've never listened to my podcast before, I discovered that I had a DHD, um, a little more than 10 years ago when my oldest child was being [00:03:10] diagnosed by the psychiatrist, my child is non-binary, so I know you're, you're familiar with all of that.

[00:03:15] Speaker: Um, using they, them pronouns. Uh, so when I refer to my child will. You [00:03:20] know that's, but anyway, will was in I think eighth grade at the time and the psychiatrist Oh. And Will insisted that they be evaluated for A DHD and I said, you don't have a [00:03:30] DHD, you've been reading since you were three years old.

[00:03:32] Speaker: Because I couldn't sit still to read, and I had never been diagnosed. And so sure enough, as is the case for a lot of [00:03:40] people, we go into the psychiatrist's office and I'm answering more yeses for me than for will, um, because not only did will have inattentive presentation of A [00:03:50] DHD, but I am combined type, which means that I am hyperactive explaining why I couldn't sit still to read and inattentive, but nobody caught it.

[00:03:58] Speaker: I didn't do anything with [00:04:00] this information, by the way, at the time, I'm, I'm an entrepreneur. I've, I graduated college with high honors. I started my business. I'm going through a divorce, which by the way, is gonna come back up in our [00:04:10] conversation. But it wasn't until I realized that my mom had a DHD that this whole thing happened because I don't think I would've ever even explored a [00:04:20] DHD and its impact.

[00:04:21] Speaker: Because I'm thinking, I'm doing just great. Um, and then of course I, I realized my mom had it, and then I immediately thought I have to start a podcast. And the [00:04:30] name was, was literally, um, divinely inspired and. I also had two grandmothers with a DHD. Um, one of them I knew and my [00:04:40] grandmother, um, the other one who, um, was my father's mother.

[00:04:43] Speaker: And now I clearly know she had it. She was an entrepreneur and lots of emotional dysregulation based on what I can [00:04:50] tell and family patterns. But I was actually doing an interview with my cousin who's a marriage and family therapist, and she has a DHD and she's like, you know, Jamie, um, your grandma had a [00:05:00] DHD.

[00:05:00] Speaker: Wait, what? So we share that. And my grandmother, by the way, was my all time favorite, favorite person. So I'm sorry. I, I'm sorry. [00:05:10] Fast, but 

[00:05:10] Speaker 2: Oh, thank you. I too 

[00:05:11] Speaker: have, I'm, I'm envious. My grandma died at 78. 

[00:05:14] Speaker 2: Oh yeah. I mean, yeah. Uh, she. She was around to read my [00:05:20] book, had like a little bit of the early signs of dementia, but she at least remembered it and would say like, basically everybody needs this to like solve their problems and [00:05:30] was just wonderful.

[00:05:31] Speaker 2: And I did a lot of video interviews, um, you know, as she got a little bit older about like her wisdom. And it sounds like you also had these [00:05:40] amazing grandmas and your own story that I think is so important that. There's some hard stuff with A DHD, but there's also so much beauty and inspiration and [00:05:50] you know.

[00:05:51] Speaker 2: When I talked to family members and other people, like at our memorial, she just inspired everybody, you know, like doing the conversion ban and going [00:06:00] through all the national parks, you know, before like social media or anything. Wow. And traveling around the world and doing all these things that like just, I think opened doors [00:06:10] for people, her curiosity, her drive, all all of those things.

[00:06:13] Speaker 2: And I think it's, um, when you have people in your life that live life well. [00:06:20] Probably struggle with some things that never have made sense to them. It's really important because then you also see all the good stuff, and I think it's so hard when people have grown up [00:06:30] with less. D families like, like everybody has a DHD.

[00:06:34] Speaker 2: And so they felt different and they've gotten all this feedback and then they have all this internalized shame that carries into [00:06:40] all these aspects in their life. Mm-hmm. Um, so I love the fact that you have two A DHD grandmas that's so special. 

[00:06:47] Speaker: Yeah. And, and to a DH ADHD parents. So, you know, [00:06:50] what I, I actually love about what I'm trying to do and, and who I am targeting is those women 45 50 and over who weren't diagnosed, who are discovering that they have a [00:07:00] DHD.

[00:07:00] Speaker: Um, because it, it is also my work as a senior move manager and certified senior advisor that, um, seniors are, they are not [00:07:10] given, or older adults are not given the attention that they deserve. They're not giving them. Expect that they deserve and we sort of brush them aside just like a lot of people with a DH ADHD are sort of [00:07:20] like tossed aside.

[00:07:21] Speaker: And so for me, I'm like, okay, once you discover that you have it, then the reality is you probably do have grandchildren that are gonna [00:07:30] have it. So let's model resiliency for them and let's model, you know, what, what aging cur, curiously looks like and what aging, I hate to use the word. Term [00:07:40] graceful, but I mean, I don't like the word anti-aging because we should want to age, but there's gotta be like, powerful aging and how we show up in our own lives is [00:07:50] an example for our families and the legacy that we leave.

[00:07:52] Speaker: So your, your grandmother clearly did, and I saw the big smile that went on Anita's face. That's awesome. I know there's nothing like the love of a grandma. [00:08:00] 

[00:08:00] Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure. And I think that's the other thing too of like, you know, sometimes you can have, when you realize that you, you're, you have a D, ADHD later in life.

[00:08:08] Speaker 2: And my question of the [00:08:10] things of how you were as a parent, especially for moms, because like there's so much pressure to be this mythical perfect person with all these executive functioning skills or [00:08:20] whatever, grandma, and you're missing out on the. That your kids get and your grandchildren get when you love them intensely when you're there.[00:08:30] 

[00:08:31] Speaker 2: They're your special interest and like, oh, sure. You know, like that is, that is like one of the most beautiful gifts that you can ever give. And I think that's, like you [00:08:40] said, like, you know, kind of aging gracefully or also like making sure that you're remembering all the good stuff that you have. Even with the challenging stuff with like [00:08:50] doctor's appointments and all the things and all this stuff that kind of catches up a little midlife and later on in life that are really tricky when you have a DHD amplified by menopause [00:09:00] and other things that impact A DHD.

[00:09:01] Speaker 2: So it's, it is a tricky journey. Um, and the relationships that you have are, are what keeps you going, you know, and, and [00:09:10] are your resource to. Outsourcing a lot of those hard things like doctor's appointments or advocating for yourself. Um, and so, yeah, you know, get your A [00:09:20] DHD adult grandchildren and or adult children to help you.

[00:09:23] Speaker 2: And it, it is a force to be reckoned with for sure. 

[00:09:26] Speaker: Um, I, I love that. And that's how my mom used to describe me. So [00:09:30] here, so I always like to ask people, how did you discover your A DHD and how did you get into the career that you're in? 

[00:09:37] Speaker 2: Um, so, oh, let's see [00:09:40] here. I probably had heard that I had a DHD. Both of my brothers were diagnosed.

[00:09:45] Speaker 2: I wasn't, but, um, and I'm probably more hyperactive than them. [00:09:50] Um, at least like my full brother. Um, maybe not my half brother, but he's definitely hyperactive as well. So, kind of stereotypical, like we all knew that like my, the. [00:10:00] Boys had it in our family, but, but when I was in grad school, I think I was like in a diagnostic class and I was like, okay, well I obviously have it.

[00:10:09] Speaker 2: And [00:10:10] um, then I went and got a formal diagnosis, all those things and kind of process like, oh, well this kind of makes sense of why this happens. And there, uh, and kind of went about [00:10:20] my way until I became a mom and the A DHD symptoms and becoming a mom and all these tools that I didn't even realize I was using.

[00:10:28] Speaker 2: Um. You [00:10:30] know, impacted my ex executive functions and my systems and all those things, and then I kind of did a deeper dive and I had already. You know, my career was already in couples counseling. Okay. Um, I love [00:10:40] relationships. I would say, you know, my grandparents' relationship is like one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.

[00:10:46] Speaker 2: Ah, it turns out there's a DHD in his family. So I think it's kind of [00:10:50] this, what I've seen a lot of the time, and I will say in my relationship as well. The non a DH ADHD partner that grows up with H ADHDers that loves 'em and does all these things [00:11:00] seems to have a very nice balance of like knowing kind of how you coexist or kind of that language that you speak and the supports and the gentleness.

[00:11:08] Speaker 2: Um, and I mean, I [00:11:10] just think my grandparents had such a beautiful relationship and I love my relationship that I have realized is kind of bottled off of, off of them. And I just think [00:11:20] there's so much power in healing. And so like that's, that was my thing of couples counseling. I already knew I had a DHD, but like I, so I probably was already doing things that were more A [00:11:30] DHD affirming.

[00:11:31] Speaker 2: But when I became a mom, I was like, okay, I need some more tools. And so I started, when I was doing my trainings and couples counseling, I would also like [00:11:40] sneak out and do some A DHD ones. And, and so that kind of combination of, you know. Being with Sue Johnson, who does emotionally focused therapy and [00:11:50] like seeing all these things and her, you know, skits of like, okay, explain the impact of not doing the dishes and all these things.

[00:11:57] Speaker 2: And I'm like, well that's gonna make the A [00:12:00] DHD or feel worse and this doesn't really work. So it kind of just made those like kind of two worlds connect in a way that it's like, okay, let's start. Assessing when I am [00:12:10] in couples counseling. 'cause it's like most people either got diagnosed 'cause their kid gets diagnosed or there's problems in the relationship that keep on coming up.

[00:12:18] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. And so they end up in [00:12:20] therapy because like, kind of like when the kids are a little older and there's more space for that and there's kind of all these unresolved issues or complaints that, you know, Gotman will call perpetual problems that never seem to [00:12:30] go away. Um, so I would see a lot of them before, you know, 2020 and just brought that kind of like.

[00:12:37] Speaker 2: Wisdom that I had and then my own [00:12:40] knowledge of A DHD and kind of tweaking a lot of those things until I found a real good flow, um, for what I do now. And then of course, the book and all that stuff. 

[00:12:49] Speaker: I [00:12:50] love it. I love, and I have to tell you that it's been my, you know, one of my hyper focuses has also been on relationships.

[00:12:55] Speaker: I, uh, I was married for 15 years and definitely, and did not know [00:13:00] I had a DHD at the time. And, um, and now I understand. So much of why my marriage didn't work, not to blame it all on a DHD 'cause that is [00:13:10] absolutely not the only reason. But it, it definitely would've been helpful to understand the A DHD when I was married and, and then when I was divorced.

[00:13:18] Speaker: You know, when you go through a [00:13:20] divorce, you have a lot of time to, to look at yourself and look at, you know, why you're, if you know, hopefully, and especially with you at a DH adhd, you're very curious. Why did it break down? You know, what was my part in it? [00:13:30] So, um, emotional focus therapy, that's the, um, hold me tight book, right?

[00:13:34] Speaker: Mm-hmm. Yeah, read that one. Um, I read Gottman's, um, the four a. Great. Was it, I can't remember the [00:13:40] Four Horsemen or. I read, I read attachment You, you know, the different attachment theories. So I am so like fangirling over here with you and all that you've done. [00:13:50] Um, and I wanna ask you a question and would love to hear how you respond to it, but I think one of the reasons that people with A DHD struggle in [00:14:00] relationships, and this is what I learned from the attachment theory stuff, is that.

[00:14:03] Speaker: If you grow up with an insecure attachment, then that's what's comfortable for you and you will go out continuing to [00:14:10] seek that because it's a PA pattern. Um, or trying to fix it like the Imago. 

[00:14:15] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. 

[00:14:15] Speaker: And, um, I did Imago as well. And um, and so I think that [00:14:20] what happened, especially in my situation is that I come from a long line of divorce.

[00:14:24] Speaker: Everybody was emotionally dysregulated. So you have generation after generation of. You [00:14:30] know, emotional dysregulation than raising children. And then that's, that's what you know. So I'd love to hear what your, your thoughts are on that. 

[00:14:37] Speaker 2: Um, yes, uh, [00:14:40] I have so many thoughts on it. I keep on telling Tamara to write another book with like the extended family instead of the you, me, and our A DHD family.

[00:14:49] Speaker 2: [00:14:50] Um, 'cause I don't wanna write another book. I do have a second one coming out and I'm like, okay, this is it. I'm done. Um, but so this is the thing, is that like. A DHD families [00:15:00] come in all shapes and sizes, but because of the high comorbidity rates, which is kind of like the, and it comes with extra diagnoses, extra [00:15:10] challenges, because most people who are older, um, you know, the di the diagnosis didn't exist.

[00:15:15] Speaker 2: And even what we had like 20 years ago, like what my brothers got was like. [00:15:20] Medicine and nothing else. And that's not really what you need. I mean, it's a part of it, but it's not the whole story. Absolutely. You're talking about like a lot of like high rates of also using substances [00:15:30] like alcohol to like emotionally regulate and you know, like running on stress, you know, to turn your brain on.

[00:15:37] Speaker 2: Um, there's a lot of like high [00:15:40] rates of anxiety and depression. There's a great graph on the CDC website or at least. It used to be there that show how many like, like co-occurring diagnoses there are. [00:15:50] So I think you also have to come thinking of it as like, you know, a lot of times your families have a history of trauma or a history of like, you know, let's just say [00:16:00] alcoholism and that creates a lot of that insecurity of either trying to find somebody to fix or that instability in relationships or the emotional volatility [00:16:10] that you do get attracted to.

[00:16:11] Speaker 2: Um, that does make it sometimes hard in relationships. Like I always say A DHD relationships, they work the hardest 'cause they love [00:16:20] so hard and they fight so hard, like to be together, but they tend to use the wrong tools that can drive people apart. Um, but then also when you're coming from like some of those [00:16:30] trauma histories, right?

[00:16:31] Speaker 2: Then you can also fight really, really, um. Harshly in the way that like that was given to you or that you [00:16:40] witnessed. And it's something that you don't want most people have a lot of shame with, especially when you have like two a ADHDers in a relationship that definitely can come up. So I think [00:16:50] just 'cause you have a DH ADHD and you come from a DH ADHD family, does not mean that you have insecure attachment, you know?

[00:16:56] Speaker 2: But there is a likelihood of that. And I think like [00:17:00] looking at my family. That extended family that has like tons of a DH, D all over the place. You have people who are really successful and live really great [00:17:10] lives. And then you have other people who have struggled with addictions or have struggled with the law or you know, in some, some of those ways of seeing like kind of how it does play out.

[00:17:18] Speaker 2: And then also too, like [00:17:20] as you get older mm-hmm. And you're maybe taking care of your aging parents or dealing. With their estates, with no will or paperwork or organization and tons of stuff to [00:17:30] go through. Like, you're kind of like, you, you're, you carry stuff from your past. Mm-hmm. And so I, I don't know if that really answered your question 'cause I went all the way out here.

[00:17:38] Speaker 2: Yeah. In the systems and the [00:17:40] environments. Mm-hmm. Um. But I think like, you know, it does depend on where you come from. Um, that does impact, yeah, like the type of relationship you [00:17:50] have, and also for older generations, a lot of the stuff that you received of what a relationship should be or what you should need.

[00:17:58] Speaker 2: Also works [00:18:00] against your A DHD. You know, when I see older couples, part of the work is like, you know, if you've read my book, praise is one of the pillars because often what we [00:18:10] need for dopamine, we get from our partner, we get from our relationships of that praise and that like excitement. And you know what can really make it easier to clean a [00:18:20] house is somebody being excited and not just pointing out by like, oh, well you missed this, this, this one thing, and those celebrations.

[00:18:26] Speaker 2: But so many times. That generation is like, oh, you [00:18:30] shouldn't need that. You shouldn't need praise, you shouldn't need to, this should be easy. And so all those shoulds get in the way of actually using a lot of A DHD tools. And that also comes up in your relationships, [00:18:40] especially if your partner's also from that generation too, that like it's harder for them to understand if you're super curious and learning about your A DHD and oh my goodness, this would be this and this and this and [00:18:50] this.

[00:18:50] Speaker 2: And they're like, no, I shouldn't have to do that. And I'm just like, you know, it it, there's a lot of unlearning that has to take place before you can learn the [00:19:00] tools and also feel safe in your relationships, you know? Sure, 

[00:19:03] Speaker: yeah. Which 

[00:19:03] Speaker 2: is what we're talking about. 

[00:19:05] Speaker: I wanted to share something about my, my childhood and my history that I think.

[00:19:09] Speaker: Um, [00:19:10] is relevant to relationships and then I wanna kind of get some problem solving from you. So, so I actually, again, didn't know that my mom had a DHD until about two years [00:19:20] ago. And, you know, looking back now, realize that she was parenting me from an emotionally dysregulated place and we were fighting all the time.

[00:19:28] Speaker: And I realize now it's because she was. [00:19:30] So sensitive and there's like nothing that I could say that didn't set her off. And so, and then she also, because we tend to process out loud, she was [00:19:40] processing as a single mom, you know, when I'm three and four years old and she's just putting this heavy stuff on me.

[00:19:45] Speaker: So I'm feeling as a child this, you know, the [00:19:50] burden of like caring for my mother, even at a very young age. And so we did have a strained relationship. And so I also do think that the reason that we have [00:20:00] relationship issues when there is a DHD, whether it's a a, um, a partner relationship or a familial relationship, it is that emotional dysregulation.

[00:20:09] Speaker: And it was when [00:20:10] I realized that we were both coming into that relationship emotionally dysregulated, um, that we sort of like, wait a minute, is this, is this what's really happening? Or am I making [00:20:20] this, this up? So, okay, so here's my big question. Um, and that is, so, okay, we now we have two A DHD partners. I [00:20:30] think I would, what would you say the percentage of just the typical population of people who will, who will seek marital therapy?

[00:20:37] Speaker: Like, and I'm not talking about A DHD, I'm just talking about [00:20:40] general population in the us. 

[00:20:43] Speaker 2: Ooh. I don't know off the top of my head. I will say younger generations are way more like, Hey, [00:20:50] therapy's cool, let's come, let's do premarital counseling. Let's just do counseling even when we're in college. And so you see a difference with that.

[00:20:56] Speaker 2: But I also have seen an uptick on like, you know, [00:21:00] people who are retired and you know, that are coming into my A DHD and S course, like sometimes repeatedly because they like it so much and they need that structure. Mm-hmm. Um, and [00:21:10] there. Finally figuring out how to stay emotionally regulated. 'cause it's not like the big things that get in the way, it's like the RSD like [00:21:20] reaction where you feel like somebody's rejecting you or like, you know.

[00:21:23] Speaker 2: Um, and so I, I definitely see, I think especially with, you know, kind of COVID and [00:21:30] then the, the. Increase of knowledge around A DHD. I do see a huge uptick across the board where I felt like before I was shouting into the void about [00:21:40] what was going on. Mm-hmm. Um, so I don't, I dunno off the top of my head, but I will say there's a lot more people who are coming more in with the prevention part, which like makes my heart [00:21:50] so happy.

[00:21:50] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. Whereas. Or a lot more of this awareness and articles and stuff started coming out. It was really when people like, and for couples counseling, it was when things felt [00:22:00] really, really bad. So we had to work really, really hard. Mm-hmm. Um, so I don't know if that makes sense, but I do think there's a pretty good percentage of at least probably [00:22:10] like 40 and under that feel very comfortable and don't have like the stigma of like, oh, if we.

[00:22:15] Speaker 2: If we go to, if we need help in our relationship, that means it's wrong or it's [00:22:20] bad, you know, like I think there's like that older, 

[00:22:22] Speaker: yeah. 

[00:22:23] Speaker 2: You know, kind of like resistance to it. 'cause it feels like it, it, it's only for like really, really somebody who needs [00:22:30] it that much or there's something wrong with you and that feels scary versus it feeling a lot more accessible because I think, you know, my parents got divorced too, partly 'cause of the [00:22:40] A DHD and probably autism in there.

[00:22:42] Speaker 2: But which is also why my grandparents were so rock solid in our lives of that community part to keep those dysregulated people. Mm-hmm. [00:22:50] Um, not dumping it on on us, uh, but I think you know what they did, at least being a child of the eighties. All of us who came from divorced families, we were all put in [00:23:00] therapy.

[00:23:00] Speaker 2: So we all have like, you know, like we don't have such an association with it because it was just like, yeah, you go to school, you go to therapy, you talk about your feelings, you play with some dolls, [00:23:10] whatever it is, that type of thing. So I think there's, there is a big probably demographic, demographic input of how.

[00:23:17] Speaker 2: How many people or percentage of [00:23:20] relationships go to therapy? 

[00:23:21] Speaker: I would agree with you 100%. That we are definitely, thankfully, um, we are de-stigmatizing therapy. We're de-stigmatizing mental health. I mean, slowly, [00:23:30] slowly, slowly. Um, you know, because I remember my grandfather refused to even discuss the fact that my gr my mother was in therapy.

[00:23:37] Speaker: You know, he would never have gone, and by the way, he probably [00:23:40] had a DHD as well. Definitely was diagnosed as thymic. Um, but I do wanna say what rejection, what RSD is for anybody who might be listening for the first time. Um, [00:23:50] you and I know it, it's, it's called rejection sensitivity or rejection sensitive dysphoria.

[00:23:55] Speaker: Uh, when I went through coaching, one of the coaches said he doesn't like the word dysphoria, but, but I will [00:24:00] say that when you have a DHD, you tend to be more sensitive to rejection than than other people. And I also wanna always put that disclaimer that if you meet one person with [00:24:10] a DHD. How many people have you met an Anita?

[00:24:12] Speaker: I 

[00:24:13] Speaker 2: mean, my whole life is full of D adhd. 

[00:24:15] Speaker: No, I mean, but I mean, the expression is if you meet one person with A DHD, you meet one person. 

[00:24:19] Speaker 2: [00:24:20] One person with a DH adhd. Yes, yes, yes, yes. 

[00:24:21] Speaker: Sorry. Yeah, mine too. I mean, I'm realizing, by the way, trailing it back. Like all of my best friends since I actually saw my middle.

[00:24:28] Speaker: School best friend when I went [00:24:30] home to Florida last week. And of course once I learned about A DHD in Lake O, she clearly had it. And so of course I was the one to say, you know what? I bet you have. And by the way, she already has [00:24:40] had one child diagnosed and the second was on their way to diagnosis. But um.

[00:24:44] Speaker: We do tend to surround ourselves 'cause we understand each other's energy and we can skip from conversation discomfort. There's [00:24:50] so many reasons. But the other thing that I wanted to say about the rejection sensitivity, and I am definitely, this is probably one of the biggest challenges in my relationship is that, and I [00:25:00] love Brene Brown because, um, she has, she has a story that she says that when she was describing something with her husband and there was a problem, and she said to him, the story [00:25:10] I'm telling myself is.

[00:25:12] Speaker: You know, and so prior to understanding my A DHD, I would've ruminated about something that my fiance did, or I would've like. You know, [00:25:20] turned it over a billion times and made it something that it really wasn't. But now I am aware of the fact that I'm a, literally I'm oversensitive and, um, [00:25:30] and then I will say, Hey, you know, this is what I'm saying to myself.

[00:25:33] Speaker: What, what's really going on? I think that's been super helpful. 

[00:25:36] Speaker 2: Oh, that is for sure. And like I have a whole A DHD communication tool [00:25:40] that's designed for RSD, um, which I also really like. Um, Dotson's kind of opposite part of it also. Yes. Like we [00:25:50] do, our nervous systems are wired differently. Also, there's some really cool research studies out there too of kind of talking about positive versus critical parenting and how that also [00:26:00] impacts your nervous system, including like your parasympathetic one that like.

[00:26:04] Speaker 2: Comes on to help you regulate. Um, but I have that in my book of that thing, the story I [00:26:10] tell myself. Because the thing is, is that we do misinterpret information and it might. A book that will come out this fall on a DHD and motherhood. It, there's a whole bunch of parts [00:26:20] about emotions and how your brain can trick you, and I think that's one of the coolest things about being a parent and like working, seeing my kid of like being able to help, like kind of [00:26:30] determine of like.

[00:26:30] Speaker 2: Yeah. You know, like our feelings are valid, our experiences are valid and the way that our nervous systems are wired, like it's hard for us and we wanna make sure that we're making [00:26:40] choices. 'cause this is why I see in a lot of A DHD relationships, if you've been rejected a lot or had a lot of relational ruptures, because you do tend a DH years have a higher [00:26:50] percentage of struggling with like friendships and other things in childhood that carry into your primary relationship.

[00:26:56] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. Right. Like a lot of times [00:27:00] what happens is if we feel rejected, then we reject the other per person and push them away when all we want is closeness. Right? And so it's just kind of [00:27:10] this like, you know, really hard cycle to get out of if that's all you've known is like, oh, like. This person's unhappy with me or disappointed in me.

[00:27:18] Speaker 2: And there's [00:27:20] definitely tools. I wanna say like the, you know, for that emotional regulation piece, there's a lot of parts of like our sensory systems that are different that also can really help with, um, regulation [00:27:30] and getting accurate information. Mm-hmm. Um. But it's just something that you, you have to know, like, you know, I definitely struggle with that as well.

[00:27:37] Speaker 2: Like, and also being any place [00:27:40] of like being an author or anytime you can get feedback, it's like I have to hype myself up and I have my team of like a DHD colleagues that are so good and we all support each other of [00:27:50] kind of like giving kind of like the extra cushioning that we need. And I think in our relationships of.

[00:27:56] Speaker 2: How do we have like the lead in, that's what Gottman will call a [00:28:00] soft start, but it's really for a DHD, like the RSD recognition of, I know that you're trying hard, you know, like, like I see, like whatever it is that are [00:28:10] your core fears, which are normally like, feel, fear of failure, fear. Fear of rejection, fear of being misunderstood, all of those things, those starts that somebody can hold.

[00:28:19] Speaker 2: That [00:28:20] space can rewire your nervous system, so RSD, or that fear or feeling of rejection or criticize when it might not even be there, or just getting real [00:28:30] feedback that you actually want, but it feels so overwhelming you can't. Handle it and then it, your relationship doesn't get the feedback it needs to grow and change, which is a beautiful thing.

[00:28:39] Speaker 2: [00:28:40] Mm-hmm. So I think there's like, it's, um, RST is hard, but also there's tools and other ways to kind of like know that you have it and work through it versus [00:28:50] letting it be the driver and telling you what decisions to make that are based on things that are probably not true. If that makes sense. But I also wanna say that I think [00:29:00] ADHDers are some of the most empathetic, kind human people.

[00:29:04] Speaker 2: You know, also social justice warriors because we know what it feels like to [00:29:10] be misunderstood or to, for information to feel really bad. And I also think that most ADHDers do come with this other part of this beauty that has [00:29:20] been developed because of it. Mm-hmm. And also the same thing that recognition.

[00:29:24] Speaker 2: What did he say? Recognition, sensitivity, 

[00:29:26] Speaker: euphoria recognition. Euphoria recognition. [00:29:30] Euphoria. 

[00:29:30] Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, that Dotson said. Sorry. I definitely did the a d. ADHD circled around to 10 points, but it also is really true in knowing that, like I would say, like knowing my [00:29:40] praise needs and knowing, say like even with my spouse of like.

[00:29:44] Speaker 2: Some extra love today. You know, like versus like getting it in a weird way of just being [00:29:50] able to be like, oh yes, yes. Shower me, adore me, all these things. Yeah. Sets me up so that way my tank is full and I'm less sensitive to the other things. And I think the more. [00:30:00] Tools, the A DHD relationship tools, the more safe and secure you feel.

[00:30:04] Speaker 2: That makes it safer to say what you're saying. It's like, oh hey, you know, the story I'm telling myself is that you think I'm a [00:30:10] horrible person and a bad mom and a this because that we ran out of milk. And so obviously when you breathed funny, you were telling me that I [00:30:20] am horrible and you hate me. Is that accurate?

[00:30:23] Speaker 2: You know, and then they get this story and be like. No, that had nothing to do with you. Like, I sl my toe, [00:30:30] whatever. It's 

[00:30:30] Speaker: right. My kids would be like, you hate me and you want me to die? And I'm like, whoa, whoa. Back it up. Like, oh, by the way, all three of my children have a DHD. So, um, [00:30:40] okay. So you, you touched on, and we may need to have a separate, a separate conversation on the rejection sensitivity, because I will tell you.

[00:30:47] Speaker: Even though I'm an A DHD coach, it is absolutely still [00:30:50] my biggest pain point. It's like the one thing that I can't seem to, like, I figured out how to deal with my time blindness and I'm figured out how to deal with the fact that I can't remember anything, you know? [00:31:00] But the rejection sensitivity that is, that is my Achilles heel.

[00:31:04] Speaker: That is the thing that stops me, and I'm not a perfectionist, but I don't like when [00:31:10] anybody criticizes me. It is. It is. Mm-hmm. Especially if it's a loved one, you know, that's even more painful. So I, I'm gonna invite you now that you have to come back. [00:31:20] Okay. 'cause, 'cause I have two things that I wanna do when we take a pause.

[00:31:22] Speaker: And one is, I, I always ask my guests if they could press that a DHD button. Um, if you were at, um. [00:31:30] Conference in 2024 and you heard pen Holderness give his, um, keynote speak speech, and he said if he could press a button and not have a DHD, you know, would he [00:31:40] press that button? So I love to ask my guests that question, but I also want, when we come back for you to share your best pieces of a relationship.

[00:31:48] Speaker: Advice for, for [00:31:50] people who have a DHD, like what would be the, you know, the most important nuggets that they can walk away with, if that's okay. 

[00:31:56] Speaker 2: That's good. Can I totally just though say this one thing [00:32:00] of the advice my grandma gave that I think is very helpful for RSD? Yeah. Is that growing up. When like I was in dance or any of those things, and I totally did [00:32:10] like RSD kid.

[00:32:11] Speaker 2: Things that I didn't even know was that, but she would always tell me, Hey, they see potential in you if they're giving you feedback there. It's like this investment [00:32:20] part and growing up with that in my book, you know, it's really about the growth mindset. But I think that's the other part of like, if you matter, someone's going to share something [00:32:30] with you.

[00:32:31] Speaker 2: And that I think worked for her, you know? 'cause she was, like I said, a pioneer. She, she was like a super feminist, did [00:32:40] all the things that women from her generation were not allowed to do. Like breaking all the rules. And I wish I had more of the tough one that she seemed to have, but I think she also carried [00:32:50] that and instilled it in us and other people.

[00:32:52] Speaker 2: And I think that. Help, it doesn't take away from RSD, but it also helps that like core memory of like [00:33:00] if your spouse is talking to you or if there's, and I mean sometimes it's like if it's somebody on the internet, it's stranger, there's no relationship there. But if you have a relationship with somebody mm-hmm.

[00:33:09] Speaker 2: That takes a [00:33:10] lot and they're caring and they're wanting it and they're wanting your attention or they're wanting something from you. And that's like a beautiful thing that I think a lot of people didn't get as kind of a baseline [00:33:20] in relationships. So. I don't know, just because of the, 

[00:33:23] Speaker: no, that's really good.

[00:33:25] Speaker: Wow. Your grandmother, she, she was a, a forward thinker and, and amazing. [00:33:30] Um, okay, so we're gonna take a pause before we take a pause though. I always, um, like to put a plug in because this is self-funded. This is an, a labor of love. Um, but [00:33:40] I do have a paycheck to earn and a dog to feed treats to, because that is how I keep Benji from barking when I'm doing a podcast.

[00:33:47] Speaker: So, um, I'm going to be sharing a little bit [00:33:50] about Silver Linings Transitions when you listen to this break and about the new Sparkler Society, which by the way, Anita, what I decided to do, because I have this area of interest with older adults, [00:34:00] um, we are creating a community of older adults discovering that they have a DHD and putting a community in place for them that supports what their needs are.[00:34:10] 

[00:34:10] Speaker: Um, we have one, uh, chat that's called the Worry Circle. You know, why, why worry by yourself when you can come online? And another one is this. A craft swap and find a lot of people with a DHD like to [00:34:20] do a lot of crafts, or they think they're gonna do the craft and then the craft. Uh, I see the head nod. So let's, let's trade that because we also have that strong sense of social justice.

[00:34:29] Speaker: We [00:34:30] don't wanna put that into the landfill. We wanna know that it's gonna be well used. So, um, you're gonna hear a little bit about that, but also if you're listening to this podcast. Um, the only way I'm going to be able to build awareness [00:34:40] that A DHD doesn't, you know, go away, um, once you are, you know, 20, 30, whatever, but it continues throughout life is for you to share this podcast [00:34:50] and like it, and rate it so that other people see it.

[00:34:52] Speaker: So those are my, my words of from the sponsor. And then we're gonna take a quick pause and come back with Anita [00:35:00] Robertson. And we are back with Anita Robertson, a licensed clinical social worker and author. And what are, what is your, your first book and what's your new book called? [00:35:10] Anita. 

[00:35:10] Speaker 2: So my first book is A DHD in US, A Couple's Guide to Loving and Living With Adult A DHD.

[00:35:16] Speaker 2: So that's all focused on A DHD relationships. And then my [00:35:20] second book that's coming out is called, well, they're still working on the title, but it's gonna be being a Mom with a DHD, something like that. 'cause it's tricky with the title 'cause you can be an [00:35:30] DHD mom and people will think the mom has a DHD or you have an A DHD kid, but you don't have a DHD.

[00:35:36] Speaker 2: So the title has been a little tricky, 

[00:35:38] Speaker: right? It's both [00:35:40] usually, right? Yes. And um, yes. Mm-hmm. You know what? I'm really glad you're doing that. I have to tell you that I, you know, realized I raised all three of my children before I knew that I had a DHD. [00:35:50] Um, and I, and I felt like I could never get it together.

[00:35:54] Speaker: And I remember like. All these people who are doing the sticker charts. And I just, there was no, I would miss parent teacher [00:36:00] conferences and, you know, and I do believe, and I've, and I've said this on my podcast, but I think that having a DHD is much harder for women, um, than it is for [00:36:10] men. If, if you are raising children as head nods, if you're raising children because.

[00:36:13] Speaker: Women are the executive functioning of the household. So, you know, when it's just you, you could probably cobble it [00:36:20] together and do what you need to do. But when you're responsible for little humans and yourself and your home, I think that's where, you know, it falls on our shoulders. So I'm so glad that [00:36:30] you are addressing that audience, and I'm happy offline to, to give you some of my wonderful A DHD um, ideas, uh, on that.

[00:36:38] Speaker: Yes. So, okay, the [00:36:40] button question, Anita, if you, um, never had it, um, would never have it, you know, it's gone. Poof. Would you press that easy button? [00:36:50] 

[00:36:50] Speaker 2: I would not. I mean, honestly, I will say I have not actually experienced a lot of neurotypical worlds. I go in there and I'm like, oh, this is weird. Um, I really [00:37:00] love.

[00:37:01] Speaker 2: I really love like the neurodiversity part. I think that, um, part of that curiosity and loving and, and just [00:37:10] being curious about people, um, has like, benefited my life and all my favorite people have a DHD my favorite. Like, you know, grandma just, you know, all of those [00:37:20] things. So I think for me like that is.

[00:37:23] Speaker 2: The other stuff, sure would I change, but like that, that wouldn't even be an option. But I also wanna emphasize that that's also because I'm [00:37:30] coming from such wonderful positive A DHD environments that a lot of people didn't get to grow up in. And I think that's a really, really big part and kind of leads into the [00:37:40] second button question.

[00:37:41] Speaker: Mm-hmm. Which is, what's the second button question? 

[00:37:45] Speaker 2: Wasn't it like what advice would you give for a DH ADHD relationships? Oh yes. 

[00:37:48] Speaker: That's a question, but not a [00:37:50] button Question. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm like, wait, what? Now you throw me off? 'cause I knew what I was gonna ask you and then I had to like go, go there with you.

[00:37:58] Speaker: But, um. [00:38:00] Oh, I was gonna say this. When, when I ask someone if they have a DHD, 'cause you know, actually I, I, I got this at conference this year. It's a sticker on my water bottle that says, [00:38:10] um, keep talking. I'm diagnosing you.

[00:38:15] Speaker: So I always start with, by the way, the biggest compliment that I can give you [00:38:20] is to ask you if you have a DHD because to your point, my favorite people, my best conversations. I mean, there is a, a magnetism about people especially. [00:38:30] Okay, well, when they're doing the thing that they're here to do or that they're, you know, their hyper focus is, um, and they light up it, it's just like, it's just like, stand out of the way and [00:38:40] watch them.

[00:38:40] Speaker: Now you ask me to do math or something technical, I'm gonna like start stuttering and turn, you know, all crazy and whatever because it's not what I'm good at. But, but, [00:38:50] but find an a DHD person in their zone of genius and, um, it's like a sparkle. It 

[00:38:56] Speaker 2: is, 

[00:38:56] Speaker: it's 

[00:38:56] Speaker 2: also great wisdom, friendship, wisdom my grandma [00:39:00] gave me is just like, those are the people that are interesting.

[00:39:03] Speaker 2: Like follow your interests, don't be like everybody else. Yeah. And like, you know, those basic kid years, like you might not be that, but it [00:39:10] does make you a very interesting person. And I do find that too. It's like, you know, like the, and I get excited when somebody else is excited. Um, so anyways, [00:39:20] like, you know, I definitely agree with you.

[00:39:21] Speaker 2: It is. Captivating and amazing and so fascinating to hear somebody's special interests and how that works and how they contribute to the world in such a [00:39:30] beautiful way. 

[00:39:31] Speaker: Right? Oh, I love it. Okay, so now the, the, the relationship advice, and I definitely have to have you 'cause we we're not gonna have enough.

[00:39:38] Speaker: 'cause I try to like keep these [00:39:40] half an hour-ish. 'cause I recognize who my audience is and I don't wanna them. But what would be, uh, for someone that's listening, what's your best. Relationship advice for somebody [00:39:50] who you know is, has a DHD or is strongly suspects they have a DHD. Um. And they're in a relationship.

[00:39:57] Speaker 2: Yeah. So I would say kind of like my [00:40:00] two biggest pieces of advice is, you know, to learn and love yourself at this moment. 'cause a lot of ADHDers are like, oh, if I just do this 1, 1, 1 thing, then I'll be like, perfect and normal [00:40:10] and all those things. And that leads into the second part of making your environment work for you.

[00:40:14] Speaker 2: And that's also with your relationships. And so, you know, whether it's like. [00:40:20] Asking others to support you or letting them know, Hey, this is how my brain works here. Read this book about it. Or like making sure that you are not doing all the work is really important. [00:40:30] And the problem is, is that like when you have some of these things, it feels so scary to not be like everybody else or you feel different, then it's really hard to use the tools that work for you [00:40:40] and like accept all the other beautiful things, which is why I love hearing about your groups and probably will refer some people to them because I think.

[00:40:47] Speaker 2: When you're around. [00:40:50] People in A DHD environments, a lot of ADHD years, it takes that away and all of a sudden it opens up all these worlds. I mean, I did Peace Corps a long time ago, like [00:41:00] 2020. Wow. Five years ago. Yeah. We're coming up on our like, I don't know, 20 year anniversary of like graduation or whatever.

[00:41:07] Speaker 2: Um, and that's where I found all my people. We didn't know we all [00:41:10] had a DHD at the time. Some of us came in diagnosed, but like kind of the overachieving social justice, like we wanna make the world a better place and we don't know how. That's 

[00:41:18] Speaker: perfect. 

[00:41:18] Speaker 2: People, you know, like [00:41:20] they all read my book and they're like, oh, this explains so much.

[00:41:22] Speaker 2: I have a D, adhd. I was like, oh yeah, I've just kind of assumed all figured that out by now. But it's like, you know where you find your people [00:41:30] and that you feel accepted, helps you accept yourself. And ideally that's with your person, but also that allows and it, but it doesn't have to be. But that allows you to [00:41:40] the safety and the freedom to advocate for yourself to do things different in a way that works for you to explore without judgment.

[00:41:47] Speaker 2: And I think, and then just realizing that [00:41:50] there are environments that set. You up for failure and set you up for success and understanding what those are, so you seek those out and make your home and your relationship [00:42:00] work with your brain. And it's so much easier 'cause you've been working so hard and so you just put 10% of that into the stuff that works and it's like so beautiful to see.

[00:42:09] Speaker: [00:42:10] Yeah, I love it. First of all, I have to tell you the title of my book is called, this Explains so much. Nice. I like 

[00:42:16] Speaker 2: it. 

[00:42:16] Speaker: Once it hits, you're like, whoa. But, um, but I [00:42:20] agree with you. Like I had another podcast that I did, I think it was, uh, Dr. Eliza Barash and she said, don't do life on hard mode. And that has been my motto and [00:42:30] really like.

[00:42:31] Speaker: Okay. I can take the people pleasing path. That's not gonna be easy for me. Right. Or I can do what's gonna make my life easier and then I'm going to be a [00:42:40] happier person, right? Mm-hmm. 

[00:42:41] Speaker 2: So 

[00:42:42] Speaker: I like that you said that, um, this was great. And speaking of, um, doing what you, what you're good at. Um, I [00:42:50] actually am probably gonna have to close down the podcast because, um, I have not had someone clean my house in years.

[00:42:57] Speaker: Um, and recently my fiance and I [00:43:00] decided that it was gonna be worth the investment for our harmony in our home to, um, to have someone that comes in and helps. Otherwise, it just keeps piling up and piling up. [00:43:10] And anyway, I, I definitely think, and I, I wrote a har. Whole article that'll be coming out at some point in Attitude Magazine about clutter and what do you do when you have different clutter, tolerance levels, and how do [00:43:20] you make that work?

[00:43:20] Speaker: But, um, um, only to say that, I think I was sharing with you that normally they come in the morning when I don't record the podcast, but they had to come this afternoon. And so now I'm hearing that and, [00:43:30] and I keep it very real, Anita, like this podcast is just, I, again, I don't do life on hard mode, so I'm like, I slowly hear them creeping down the stairs.

[00:43:38] Speaker: I'm like, oh, I better like, you know, start [00:43:40] to tell people when they hear noise. That's what it is. 

[00:43:42] Speaker 2: Oh yeah. I mean, I think house cleaners are fantastic and highly recommend, unless your special interest in hyperfocus is [00:43:50] cleaning and organizing, which I wish that was one of mine. It is not during. 

[00:43:55] Speaker: I do clean when I'm stressed, I will, I like to like, feel like I've been productive about [00:44:00] something.

[00:44:00] Speaker: Um, but, but then it keeps me from doing all the other things that I need to do. Um, I love Tracy Otsuka calls it procrast to cleaning. Yeah. She's like, I'd rather clean than like, do what I actually [00:44:10] have to do. So anyway. Any parting advice or words of wisdom to our, uh, listeners today? Again, how can they find you?

[00:44:19] Speaker: [00:44:20] Um. 

[00:44:20] Speaker 2: Yes, so my name anita robertson.com. I have lots of free resources. There's also some stuff for kind of that midlife [00:44:30] sandwich if you have, if you're taking care of your aging parents and things that are really helpful also with grief, um, for the people there. So I do definitely have a lot of free resources.

[00:44:39] Speaker 2: [00:44:40] Also highly recommend cleaners, but cleaners that work with ADHDers, not the ones that are like, oh, if you have stuff on the floor, I can't clean. Like, oh, that's like. [00:44:50] That's gonna be a lot more challenging than like the cleaner I used to have and totally wrote like love letters to her during the beginning stage of the pandemic.

[00:44:58] Speaker 2: So I was like, I miss you so [00:45:00] much. You're the most beau, like wonderful thing in our lives. You know, like, you know, she was just so amazing. Um. [00:45:10] And, uh, yeah. But anyways, I have free, I have a course like my A DHD and US course that follows the book that also has live sessions where you practice the tools, you learn the, um, [00:45:20] A DHD communication tool that I designed that's coming up in the beginning of March.

[00:45:23] Speaker 2: And then of course, I'm always at the conferences, whether it's the A DHD ones, I'll be at neuro diversion. And then I have like, you [00:45:30] know, trainings that I do throughout, um, more for clinicians. But, um, yeah, no, thanks for having me and I hope. I hope you continue to do the podcast or find a way that [00:45:40] your environment and the podcast work for you.

[00:45:42] Speaker 2: But 

[00:45:43] Speaker: Oh, and normally it's not a problem, it's just, it happens to be today, so, 

[00:45:47] Speaker 2: well, I couldn't hear anything. And [00:45:50] also I have new cleaners coming in today. Uh, 'cause we just moved and so I was hearing the vacuum at the beginning and they've left. But you know, like that is, I, it's that sound [00:46:00] discrimination.

[00:46:00] Speaker 2: It can be hard to. Concentrate when you hear something and you're also being present. So I, I hear you on that, but I don't Yeah, I was in the same boat as you. 

[00:46:09] Speaker: [00:46:10] I wanna share with you, by the way, just an, an aside, um, for anybody that you work with. I don't know if you're familiar with the Institute for Challenging Disorganization.

[00:46:19] Speaker 2: I dunno if [00:46:20] I've heard of that, but I have no working memory so I could have and forgot. 

[00:46:24] Speaker: So it's organizers who have an understanding of A DHD. So you can find an A DH and you can find an a DH [00:46:30] ADHD specialist within the Institute for Challenging Disorganization. It's ICD, um, so that I'm one, I'm a member of that, but I'm also a member.

[00:46:38] Speaker: You're gonna be like really [00:46:40] sad you didn't know this of nasa. That's the National Association of Senior and Specialty Move Managers, uh.org. We literally go in, we help everybody [00:46:50] pack all of their stuff, figure out what they're gonna take with them, and then we unpack it, put it away, organize, decorate, make the beds, do all of that stuff, and people don't even know that this [00:47:00] exists.

[00:47:00] Speaker: So I'm just putting that out there. So anybody, yeah. So it's, 

[00:47:04] Speaker 2: yeah, it is good. I always say like, look for like an organizer to help with like, that knows a DHD, [00:47:10] and I need to get this information from you so that way I can put it into some of my references for resources. 

[00:47:16] Speaker: And I would also love to have you, so in the Sparkler Society [00:47:20] that is, um, this membership platform that we are opening in, uh, February.

[00:47:24] Speaker: Uh, we're giving everybody a free month to try it and, and see how it works for them. But we're gonna be bringing in [00:47:30] experts in different areas. For different presentations and I would love to have you come back and talk to our community once we're up and running too. 

[00:47:37] Speaker 2: Oh, that would be amazing. Yeah. 'cause in true A [00:47:40] DHD fashion, like I have so many other interests that have happened, you know, around A DHD, outside of relationships as well.

[00:47:47] Speaker: Oh, for sure. And I would definitely love to have you come back and talk about [00:47:50] rejection sensitivity. I mean, even if just it's a lesson just for me that everybody gets to hear, because whoa. Anyway, I'm so grateful that you came onto the podcast and that we were [00:48:00] able to make it work between all the other distractions.

[00:48:02] Speaker: And, um, and I'm also very sincere in my effort to help you as you're helping moms because I [00:48:10] totally get that. I totally, again, I parented. Without knowing that I had a DHD, um, until my oldest child was diagnosed at 14, um, and then I didn't pay [00:48:20] any attention to what that even meant until two years ago. So by then I only had one child left in the house.

[00:48:24] Speaker: So, but 

[00:48:25] Speaker 2: there's also like a lot of times people, especially in the USA, are parenting on survival [00:48:30] mode. So there's no space to actually learn or get support because you're focused on your kids, you know? Absolutely. 

[00:48:35] Speaker: And that is true. I was on survival mode and so I did, I did have that [00:48:40] pause to take a break and to learn and to.

[00:48:42] Speaker: Then when I got divorced and I actually had time when I didn't have my children, that's when I started to do all the gotten in [00:48:50] and all the other stuff. 

[00:48:51] Speaker 2: Oh nice. Very nice. Okay, well thank you so much for having me on and I would love to be back on and, you know, keep hearing about your amazing [00:49:00] adventures 'cause that does sound fantastic and fun and all the great stuff that A DHD brings.

[00:49:05] Speaker: Thank you and yeah, that's, I am committed and this is what this podcast is about, is really [00:49:10] helping, um, anyone who discovers that they have a DHD to make the rest of their life the best of their life. And that's always a great way to end the podcast. Thanks so much, Anita. 

[00:49:19] Speaker 2: Love [00:49:20] that. Thank you. 

[00:49:21] Speaker: Thanks.