Episode 80 - Anxiety and ADHD part 2

This episode continues a deeply personal conversation between Jami Shapiro and her longtime friend and collaborator Lynn, as they explore the lifelong impact of ADHD, especially for women who were never diagnosed growing up.

In Part 2, Lynn shares more of her childhood experiences—growing up with anxiety, night terrors, hyperactivity, and creativity—long before ADHD was widely understood or diagnosed in girls. Through therapy, structure, and the support of her parents, she slowly developed tools that helped her navigate school, relationships, and life.

Jami and Lynn also discuss the realities of ADHD in adulthood, including motherhood, work, aging, and the pressure women feel to “hold everything together” for their families.

This episode highlights an important message: ADHD doesn’t disappear with age—and many women are only discovering it later in life.

In This Episode

• Why Jami created the first-ever two-part episode
• Lynn’s childhood experiences with anxiety, insomnia, and hyperactive creativity
• The therapist who helped introduce structure and boundaries
• How ADHD can go unnoticed in girls
• The role of sports, activity, and structure in managing symptoms
• Growing up feeling “too much” or different
• Bullying, friendships, and rejection sensitivity
• ADHD in parenting and family dynamics
• Why ADHD in mothers affects the household differently
• Late-life ADHD discovery and menopause
• The origin and purpose of the Sparkler Society

Key Takeaways

ADHD Often Goes Undiagnosed in Girls

Many women grew up believing ADHD only affected hyperactive boys. As a result, generations of women never received a diagnosis or proper support.

Structure Can Be Life-Changing

Lynn’s therapist didn’t label her condition but instead provided practical tools, boundaries, and structure that helped her gradually improve sleep, focus, and confidence.

Women Carry the Mental Load

Jami explains how ADHD can hit women harder because mothers are often expected to manage the household’s executive functioning.

ADHD Doesn’t Go Away With Age

In fact, symptoms can intensify later in life due to hormonal changes, stress, or aging.

Memorable Moments

• Lynn’s parents using sports and activities to help channel her energy
• The “tape on the floor” technique used to create nighttime boundaries
• The viral story of Lynn’s mother’s humorous tombstone
• Jami reflecting on how ADHD shaped her career helping seniors with downsizing
• The powerful realization that ADHD may run through generations of families

About the Sparkler Society

Jami and Lynn are building a new community called The Sparkler Society, designed for women with ADHD who want support, structure, and connection.

The community will include:

• Weekly live group sessions
• Body doubling for productivity
• ADHD coaching and support
• Decluttering and downsizing guidance
• Conversations about spending habits and unfinished projects

Thank you for joining us for this episode of Grandma Has ADHD! We hope Jami's journey and insights into ADHD shed light on the unique challenges faced by older adults. Stay tuned for more episodes where we’ll explore helpful resources, share personal stories, and provide guidance for those navigating ADHD. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this podcast with friends who might benefit. Remember, Make the rest of your life the best of your life.

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Transcript

Episode 80

[00:00:00] [00:00:10] 

Speaker 2: Hi, I'm Jamie [00:00:20] Shapiro and welcome to Grandma has ADHD. I'm a certified senior move manager and owner of Silver Linings Transitions, where I help people [00:00:30] navigate life's big transitions. But here's the thing, I spent years helping families move through change while completely missing the pattern that was running through my own life.[00:00:40] 

I'm the daughter of two ADHD parents, the mother of three ADHD children, and yep, I have ADHD two. For years, I didn't [00:00:50] have the language or understanding for what that meant, but becoming an ADHD coach and specialist, that's been absolutely game changing, not just for how [00:01:00] I work with my clients. But for how I relate to my family and honestly for how I understand myself.

I even wrote a book about it called This Explains So Much. [00:01:10] This podcast is for all of us who are discovering ADHD later in life. Each week I bring new conversations with industry experts and people [00:01:20] sharing their own ADHD journeys. Real stories, real strategies, and often a little too much information.

If you're loving what you're hearing, please share this [00:01:30] podcast. Leave us a review and find me@jamieshapiro.me. That's J-A-M-I-S-H-A. PIRO me, [00:01:40] whether you're over 50 and just getting diagnosed or you're recognizing patterns you've lived with your whole life. This is your space to navigate [00:01:50] ADHD with others who get it.

So grab your coffee and get comfortable and let's dive in.

Speaker 3: Hey, here's a quick heads up [00:02:00] before we dive in. You may hear me mention the Sparkler Society in this episode, talking about it. It's happening right now. And here's the truth. My ADHD [00:02:10] brain got so excited about this community that I may have jumped a little bit enthusiastically, a lot enthusiastically before everything was actually ready.[00:02:20] 

Classic A DH, D move, right? We know what that's like. So here's what's actually happening. We've hit pause to make sure the Sparkler Society [00:02:30] launches the right way because this is going to change lives, and I want it to be everything you deserve from day one. We're officially launching in July of [00:02:40] 2026, and here's what you can look forward to.

Live group sessions every week, including support around decluttering and downsizing, body doubling, and [00:02:50] ADHD group coaching. We are also addressing some of the big challenges of ADHD, worrying over spending and starting crafts only to lose steam. [00:03:00] Membership in the Sparkler Society is going to save you from paying the ADHD tax.

We're talking real dollars back in your pocket, and most [00:03:10] importantly, we are building a community of women who want to get their shit together. Together. Here's the exciting part. We're starting a wait list right [00:03:20] now@jamieshapiro.me. That's J-A-M-I-S-H-A-P-I-R-O.me and the VIPs who join early will [00:03:30] get free access to shape the community before we officially launch in July.

You'll help us build this thing together. So if you hear me talking about the [00:03:40] Sparkler Society, it's happening tomorrow. Just know it's coming in July. July, and it's going to be worth the wait. Let's get to today's episode.

Speaker 4: [00:03:50] Hello and welcome to Grandma has ADHD. This is the first two part episode that I have ever [00:04:00] done, and I did it because the interview was running long in episode one, but I definitely feel like. Before you listen to episode two, uh, you need to go back and listen to [00:04:10] episode one, which will be the week before released, the week before.

And, um, also wanna share a little bit about why I did it this way. I did it [00:04:20] because we were starting to have technical difficulties and, um, not knowing the production quality, which has been a, a source of issues. And one of the things, by the way, Lynn, [00:04:30] I want to do is get, you know, the, the, the better microphone and the better.

Everything, the better camera. But, um, my, my motto through this podcast is [00:04:40] doing it on easy and not hard because perfect is the enemy of done. And if I waited to get it all perfect, it would've stopped me from doing it. And I also [00:04:50] wanted people to know if I have the courage to go out there warts and all and show who I am.

Um, then it helps people to live more authentically. So [00:05:00] I am going to admit that I, I'm not crazy about the production quality. Um, I, I definitely want to grow up to be a big girl and have a big girl podcast. Um, [00:05:10] but, but here we are. Um, and also the, the conversation ran ran long and it. Too important of a conversation to try to even clip it to an hour.[00:05:20] 

So, um, I told Lynn, you know, I'll figure out how to fix it because I don't even know how the end of it's gonna sound. I'm to go back and listen and just say, Hey, you know, come join us for part [00:05:30] two. Um, but anyway, where we left things and I, and this is what we decided we would go back to as Lynn was sharing.

Her own story of, of the late [00:05:40] life understanding of ADHD, because we were inspired by Kim Holderness, who is a very, um, uh, very public, [00:05:50] uh, figure in the ADHD world. Not because we thought she had ADHD, but because her very famous husband, Penn Holderness. Has ADHD writes [00:06:00] jingles about it. They've written a book together.

Um, and at 49, um, she finally realized that it under underlying her an anxiety all [00:06:10] of her life and some of the other, the perfectionism was undiagnosed, ADHD, which has now been diagnosed. So. Lynn said we really need to do an episode. Um, I really haven't [00:06:20] shared, um, the impact of ADHD on my life. And so we went back to age five and now we are around eight or [00:06:30] nine with Lynn talking about how she has now moved to Jacksonville, Florida and has found.

The, the, the game changing therapist. So with [00:06:40] that said, Lynn, I asked you who that therapist was because, um, I moved to Jacksonville from Fort Lauderdale, actually Miami, the [00:06:50] year after you moved, and also was in therapy. So I can't wait to hear who, what your therapist's name was, to see if it rings a bell.

Speaker 5: Man, it's so crazy. We're always like next to each other. [00:07:00] Isn't that crazy? Nice. 

Speaker 4: Can I say something? Wait, I gotta say something. Really? California. Woo woo. Okay. 

Speaker 5: Okay. 

Speaker 4: I [00:07:10] 100% believe that I was put on earth at this time to spread this message, um, if I hadn't gone through everything that I had gone through.

Because remember, I didn't start [00:07:20] off. My business, silver Linings transitions. Knowing that I even had ADHD, I came to ADHD, put it on the shelf because I'm starting a [00:07:30] business raising three children, going through a divorce. By the way, I graduated college with high honors, so I have ADHD, so what, you know, who [00:07:40] cares next?

But when I realized that my mom and all of these, not all, but a lot of the clients that I have worked with through the years who [00:07:50] struggled the same way my mother struggled, I saw a lot of clutter and a lot of similar family dynamic patterns. I, and when I realized my mom had ADHD, [00:08:00] uh, just over two years ago.

I was like, ding, ding, ding. My mom is one of many in her generation who were not diagnosed and are probably going to [00:08:10] finally discover what, what it's been their whole lives. And so my special interest has been older adults. I group 50 and over to older adults. [00:08:20] Um. But really, uh, yeah, I group 15 over into older adults because we've, we've done our entire lives, um, struggling to get by and [00:08:30] not having the words for it.

And, you know, all of these kids are all over TikTok and everybody's talking about how to parent children with a DH adhd, but nobody's talking about how [00:08:40] to, how to be, um, middle age and beyond with ADHD and how to support an ADHD parent when we are now caught between having [00:08:50] ADHD. Having children with a DH, ADHD 'cause it's highly heritable.

And now parenting with ADHD. So back to the woowoo thing, I truly believe that I was put on earth [00:09:00] to do this. And coincidentally, you and I have always wanted to work together and, uh, we were drawn to each other and we've always said, and we tried other things [00:09:10] before Lynn. So this isn't, this isn't our first rodeo, but it's the first one that's stuck and it coincidentally.

You happen to have the [00:09:20] strengths that I lack so 

Speaker 5: well, 

Speaker 4: so here 

Speaker 5: we're, and it, it doesn't hurt that as, uh, my husband calls it. I, I [00:09:30] was, I was paid off, not laid off, uh, that my last company was sold. And I found out my company was being sold at nine o'clock. I received a call from [00:09:40] Jamie at 10 30 and, and she said, are you available?

I said, I just became really available, 

Speaker 4: so, so maybe, [00:09:50] maybe you and I were put onto the path that we were for, for this reason together. So there, there's my woo woo. 

Speaker 5: Alright, well, I, [00:10:00] I believe, uh, the same as you, that, that nothing should be forced. And I also believe there are coincidences and then there are just like, like you say woo woo [00:10:10] moments, right?

So, so you and I are following each other to Jacksonville. We're both weirdly in therapy, which, you know, in the seventies, I don't know that I, I had a lot of [00:10:20] friends. I was the only one that I'm aware of. Um, maybe people weren't talking about it, but I was. Very open talking about it. Um, and [00:10:30] so, uh, the name of the therapist in Jacksonville, drum roll and shout out to her because I still love her to this day.

Dr. Acosta Rua. [00:10:40] 

Speaker 4: Hmm. I don't know the name Sounds familiar, but I don't know. I don't know why I'll have 

Speaker 5: to, and the name. [00:10:50] Always stuck with me. Like I said, these other therapists, I couldn't, I couldn't tell you their name and I know that we went and we looked at a couple of other [00:11:00] therapists before we landed on her, but she was the one that we stayed with.

Um, probably from like fourth grade up until seventh grade. Now, keep [00:11:10] in mind, um, you know, now you got the teen years coming and you and I also talk a lot about hormones and changes and, you know, like what menopause is [00:11:20] doing to our ADHD. But just imagine that you've got this fourth grader who is not even diagnosed with ADHD.

I mean, think about it, like my son [00:11:30] was diagnosed with ADHD, like by the second grade. But now here I am in the fourth grade and nobody can really quite explain. [00:11:40] Where this is all coming from. And if it's about the white van, the white van's in Fort Lauderdale, like, you know, why am I still having these night terrors when I'm in a completely different [00:11:50] city?

You know, but the, but the creativity is still there. The, um, the house gets a bit scarier, I'll have to say. Uh, my parents moved. [00:12:00] To a two story house. So now, you know, um, if I wanna entertain my parents or keep them awake, I've got to sneak down the stairs. [00:12:10] You know what I mean? I mean, they were putting me to bed upstairs and, um, and that felt scarier to me.

And the whole idea of like [00:12:20] not being able to, um, be in a smaller house and control the environment and having all those windows in the house. I mean, you've been to my old house. [00:12:30] Um. It's kind of a scary house. It actually kind of reminds you of Anvil horror, to be honest. And, and also a lot of horror films are coming out.

So it's, it's just kind of like all this is happening. [00:12:40] But I finally have a good therapist and that therapist, um, did use the journaling, did use the, um, rewards. The rewards, got a little [00:12:50] bit more into fashion. Um, so, you know, if I wanted some nice jeans mm-hmm. Um, I could get some rewards that way. Um, but what was really, I [00:13:00] think.

Um, interesting is the pattern of my parents still doubling down on trying to [00:13:10] exhaust me continued. Um, so I was still in five sports, um, even when [00:13:20] we moved to Jacksonville. Um, so I had picked up softball. Um, I was in soccer, softball, dance, ice skating. [00:13:30] Uh, tennis and, um, and some of those days I was playing three or four sports.

Um, the other thing you have to remember is cable is now [00:13:40] invented. So the concept of giving me a TV at night and the concept of, um, uh, [00:13:50] Dr. A Castro put together that, you know, she's not allowed to roam all over the house. The, the, the, her patrolling the house is not gonna be a thing anymore. Mm-hmm. [00:14:00] Um, she is, you're gonna put a little tape and if she crosses that tape, thank God they didn't have like, monitoring systems, but it was like, if she crosses that tape, if [00:14:10] she sits on that tape, like she may sit in the doorway on that tape and, and be talking out loud, trying to keep everyone in the house up.

You are [00:14:20] to ignore her while she sits on that tape. She's gonna come to the realization that all the creative. Anxiety that she has in her mind is [00:14:30] not going to act, is not realistic, is not going to actually happen. So they, they kind of shrunk my world, put some, they put some parameters and structure, [00:14:40] which again, when you think about it, like structure and putting parameters and structure and time boxing, and this is what we're gonna do week one, is we're gonna put the tape.[00:14:50] 

And she's not gonna get past that tape. Now. I cheated a lot. I got creative, I did things with, you know, I, I moved past the tape and then, and then when I would hear them come out, I [00:15:00] would jump to the other side of the tape and I was still playing a little bit of a game with my sister. Um, 'cause her room connected to my room through a bathroom.

Um, [00:15:10] but you know, the house is twice as scary. Um, but I do now have a therapist that understands. Um, structure. So, um, so [00:15:20] I do get better now. Cable gets invented. Um, my dad wins a huge sales. Spiff. He was winning sales things all the time where we [00:15:30] would get new electronics. Like we had the first beta max like player.

We had the first microwave. You know, we're getting, we're getting all of this technology, which [00:15:40] kind of makes me wonder if that's maybe where I started, like loving some, like learning new things. 'cause nobody else in the house could, could understand the microwave or those things. And [00:15:50] I would go and try to understand the microwave.

Um, so they gave me a little tv. In my room, but let's think about what was on cable in the middle of the [00:16:00] night when I was at my most vulnerable twilight zone. Like, like Twilight Zone. And then what can I tell 

Speaker 4: you? I was [00:16:10] smart enough not to watch those movies. I would be at the slumber parties and everybody would be watching the movie, and I would be literally, and I'm not exaggerating, sitting next to the [00:16:20] television, so I didn't have to see it, just watching their faces because I didn't wanna like not be at the party.

But I also knew that if I saw it, it was gonna take me down. [00:16:30] 

Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, seventh grade. Um, and I, I guess I should also mention that this whole entire time I am, I [00:16:40] am a C student and my teachers are telling my mom that I should be an A student, but. Again, I can't focus, [00:16:50] I'm half tired. Um, my projects, I'm always waiting till the last minute or I'm losing them two or three times and having to redo them over and over and over again.

[00:17:00] So, you know, my mom's just constantly hearing how I'm not reaching my potential. 

Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 

Speaker 5: Yeah. Um, and. They have this new thing, you know, you talked about [00:17:10] referrals. Well, you know, in the seventh grade we had referrals. We had, um, afterschool detention, which I was in quite a bit. And, [00:17:20] um, swatting. So I got hit with a paddle at school, like without my parents' permission.

I got hit with a paddle at school, um, for passing notes [00:17:30] and, you know, distracting people in the class. So I, I was definitely that person that, you know, after a while. My mom was like, you know, tell me something. I don't know. [00:17:40] And again, being a confident person, she was like, my child's awesome. There's nothing wrong with her.

She's just awesome and you just can't handle her awesomeness. 

Speaker 4: I [00:17:50] love 

Speaker 5: that. I do love that. My mom never said, you know, okay, we need to throw this, you know, she's a disappointment to us all. Instead, it was like she we're, we're working with what we've got. [00:18:00] Go, 

Speaker 4: Janet. Go Janet. 

Speaker 5: Go mom. Go Mom. Of course. 

Speaker 4: I wanna put one of the plugin.

I, I do think your mom might have had ADHD, [00:18:10] but one of my, my favorite Janet stories is when she was on her deathbed. Um, and, uh, well she wasn't on her death bed. She was [00:18:20] recovering from like a heart surgery, and I think she maybe knew. That that death might happen, or I, you, you've talked about that, but you share the story.

'cause [00:18:30] I just think it's a, it's a, we have to squirrel for a moment and share the Janet, the Janet story. 

Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah. Um, so my mom had, um, a quadruple [00:18:40] bypass, um, open heart, open heart surgery, and, um, she was in, in some weird way, um, I guess she was tired or [00:18:50] not motivated to. To fight, um, to get up, to get that new heart activated.

And so she said to me, um, you know, just in case, [00:19:00] um, let's come up with a funny tombstone just in case this just doesn't go my way. And we did come up with funniest tombstone, I guess I'm allowed to say [00:19:10] it. Um, it does come up on I Funny and Reddit and you know, you can Google it anytime you want. 

Speaker 4: Wait, I love, I love the story of how Sean, your son.

Comes to [00:19:20] you and said, I just saw what did, what? Mimi, what did they call your mom? I just saw MU's, um, uh. [00:19:30] Tombstone, you know, on social media, so 

Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah. My mom, my mom out of the gate with the tombstone, um, she got like [00:19:40] 500,000 likes. Like, I don't even think I've gotten 500,000 likes. My tombstone, my mom's tombstone has, but it says, um, if you're reading this, you're standing on my boobs.

And [00:19:50] how it got, how, how it went viral is I did not take a picture. I'm kind of like. Do you take pictures of tombstones? Like I didn't take the picture, but I [00:20:00] did agree with my, I did agree, um, to execute my mom's wishes. And the funeral home was like, are you sure? And everybody said, are you sure? And we said, yes, it [00:20:10] is.

Um, right by the tournament players championship in Pon, Vira, Florida. And some guy found it and um, he took a picture [00:20:20] and posted it online, and then it just kind of went. Viral from there. All right. You're about to hear my dog bark. 'cause the mailman just showed up, so if you hear dog barking in the [00:20:30] back.

So yeah. And my son, you know, had just gotten a phone and he said, look, there's mumu. And he commented back, that is my [00:20:40] grandmother. And someone said, oh, we think it's fake. We think the tombstone is fake, that it's a PDF, or it's, you know, been altered in some way. And he said, no, that's my grandma. And she's [00:20:50] funny.

Speaker 4: Aw, 

Speaker 5: I know. Well, I love my mom. I love my mom. I think, I think she did everything she could possibly do with, with what was available [00:21:00] at the time. And, um, you know, and, and so, you know, she was trying, she was trying. Now, you know, you and I talk a lot about, [00:21:10] um, our moms and, you know, sometimes we can sound like our moms.

Well, I knew that, um, my son had, um. I [00:21:20] knew that I had something similar with my son because I heard my mom's voice coming out of me to my own children. And I remember just being [00:21:30] so angry at my son because once again, we were heading to soccer and we had one blue sock. One black sock. We never had two [00:21:40] matching soccer socks because he would lose them, even though I tried to like lay them out or do whatever, and I, you know, I got so mad at him.

[00:21:50] I was like, you know, you'd, you'd lose your head if it wasn't attached to your body. Well. If you can imagine, I'm, I'm pa I'm playing five activities, and my mom would pick me up [00:22:00] and she would have one uniform in the front seat, one uniform in the backseat, one in the middle, and one in the other. And we had a blanket that I changed my clothes underneath while we were in transit [00:22:10] to the next activity.

We didn't even stop at a bathroom, I just changed in the car. But then every year, at the end of the year when it came to the dance recital where I was [00:22:20] in. 10 different dances and had like wardrobe changes. I would be on the way to the stage and I would lose things [00:22:30] on the way, and you would see me come out and then afterwards you would notice that I was the one dancer on stage that just had one silver glove.

Or [00:22:40] one sparkle or one thing missing, or one th I didn't have a feather, and my mom said she could always spot me among the dancers, even all the brunettes, [00:22:50] because I was always the one with, with missing outfits. 

Speaker 4: Okay, I have a question. Have you ever gone searching for something that was in your hand? 

Speaker 5: Oh, [00:23:00] you know what I was scared of.

This was my scare. This was my worry that when I had Corey, my second child. That I was gonna leave him on top of the car. [00:23:10] Did you, were you ever concerned about that? That I was gonna get my first child in the car and then I was just gonna like leave Cory. I [00:23:20] don't know, but I was always like, do I have my second child?

Like, does my second child, like, because he was so quiet at first that I was like, oh my gosh, [00:23:30] you know, and Sean was talking so he would always get my attention and, and I was like, oh my God, I'm gonna, I'm gonna leave my child somewhere. 

Speaker 4: So I'm too short to have [00:23:40] lifted any kind of carrier onto the top of my car.

So that was never my worry. But I did miss, you know, parent teacher conferences and as I've shared before, you know, when I [00:23:50] had young children going to my, my We Bend, um, and saying I can't seem to get, get it together. You know, I've got friends who doing the gold stars and their kids have consistent [00:24:00] chores and I just can't seem to do it.

Um. And, uh, so no, that was not one of my fears, but no judgment, I promise, because I, you know. No [00:24:10] judgment. Oh, I do wanna go back to, to, you know, like I said, the, the whole impetus, well not the whole impetus, but why we decided to record this now is that, you know, [00:24:20] Kim Holderness, 49 years old going through menopause, you know, perimenopause just diagnosed.

It's all over social media. It's in the [00:24:30] Atlantic. You know that this, this ADHD thing is a thing. It's not just the little boys, you know, all of us who thought it couldn't be us because we, we had that negative, you know, stigma [00:24:40] of the little boy who was hyperactive, who was always in trouble, who maybe didn't have friends.

That, that's not me. No, 

Speaker 5: that's not me E either. I mean, obviously 

Speaker 4: that's what [00:24:50] I mean. That's what we're all saying, that that's not me. Even those of us women who had the hyperactivity, because I also have the hyperactivity, I was also like talking a mile a minute, [00:25:00] really fast talker. Uh, I also would finish my work and then would disrupt everybody because God forbid I sit still like that, you know, and just do nothing that doesn't it feel [00:25:10] painful.

Speaker 5: I, I can sit still, but I have a lot of interests in things going on in my head. I, I am, you know, I as. [00:25:20] I'm, I'm, I'm trying to get better. That's what I'm, I, I just keep saying is, you know, at, you know, in the, in the seventh grade, I think the, the structure and [00:25:30] the things that were, some of the tools that were offered to me are very similar to what we're talking about.

The tools that, that you've discovered, [00:25:40] that you've talked about in your book. Um. Those are the tools that were starting to be applied and the conversation did. We [00:25:50] didn't talk about anxiety that was keeping me awake at night. We didn't talk, like when I would talk with my therapist, she didn't give me like.

A label of [00:26:00] anxiety. She didn't gimme a label at all. She didn't gimme anything She gave me, um, she gave me structure and tools and, um, medication [00:26:10] was not even a thing. Mm-hmm. Now, um, you know, I don't wanna wanna stand it too long, but I, I did slowly, [00:26:20] I would get one hour sleep a night. And I think I'm also, you've gotta keep in mind my, my hormones are changing.

[00:26:30] My, my body is changing. Um, you know, as you grow and you're, you know, you're growing, um, you get tired. And I am playing some sports, [00:26:40] like I'm playing some sports that are physically. Really taking a lot outta me. Plus my schoolwork is mentally taking a lot outta me. So it's almost like I [00:26:50] couldn't fight the night anymore.

The night eventually took over. But what's also interesting is as the night would take over and I would get those little wins of, [00:27:00] you know, I would, I would wake up in the morning and find myself in my own bed and I was okay. Um, the therapist would be like, that's a win. [00:27:10] Like, how'd that feel? And she would always talk about like, how'd that feel?

Like, don't you feel like you feel better? You feel well rested. You now are able to do [00:27:20] all the creative things that you wanna do, you, you don't need, you know, look at those two hours now you can be a better ice skater. Now you can be a better, better this, you can be a [00:27:30] better that. And so it was all those little celebrations that, um, somewhere around the eighth grade she was like.[00:27:40] 

We have so many wins. I don't need to see her as much. She knows how to win. She knows how to win. She knows how to pull it together. We're not gonna [00:27:50] solve everything. She's not gonna be like everybody else. Um, I had friends. Um, I know I, I was, I was a lot. [00:28:00] Um, but I surrounded myself with friends that were also a lot.

So, and I still do to this day and I'm always looking for more friends to gather that are a lot. [00:28:10] So, I'm so excited about the conference we're going to. 'cause I feel like I've, I've got some, some friends out there I haven't met yet that I'm gonna meet at this, um, this neurodivergent [00:28:20] conference in Austin, um, coming up in March.

So I'm very excited. But, um. So, and my mom was very concerned with, um, she wasn't as [00:28:30] concerned about my academics as much as some parents might've been. 'cause she was just like, whatever. My mom was always concerned about, [00:28:40] um, my social wellbeing and making sure that, um, I had friends and close relationships.

She was never. Um, she was [00:28:50] concerned about boys because I was very boy crazy. Me too. But because I was so boy crazy. Um, and because she knew I had [00:29:00] a short attention span, whatever it was called, she figured I wasn't gonna get in too much trouble. 'cause I'd get tired of a boy after two or three weeks. I wasn't one that [00:29:10] would really date somebody for a lot of years and get into like a big relationship.

So. 

Speaker 4: Well, I wanna ask you a question 'cause I've learned another thing, um, and I wanna test it on. Okay. So I have [00:29:20] heard that, uh, when we have ADHD, we tend to like obsess or ruminate about a, a, a person and we'll like pursue them and chase them. It's like the, the, the thrill of the [00:29:30] hunt. And then as soon as we've conquered it, you know, we were like, nah.

So that's why, and it was always for me that anybody that I really liked, as soon as they liked me back, I'm like, no. [00:29:40] And I see that actually with my, my old, my youngest child. We, we've gone through that and I didn't, I didn't understand at the time that that might be impacted by the ADHD. Would you say [00:29:50] that was a, a same, the same for you?

Speaker 5: Oh, absolutely. I mean, the beginning of the year, my girlfriends and I, we would bet, um, nail polish. On [00:30:00] who all we were gonna date by the end of the year. And I would have at least five people on my list, like not just one, like five people. Like by the end of this year, I don't [00:30:10] just wanna date this person, but like this person's cute and this person's cute, and that person's cute.

And so I want five nail polishes. And I wanna date all five of [00:30:20] 'em. 

Speaker 4: So I, I wanna ask you another question. I, I had another guest who's gonna be coming on at a subsequent episode, um, that said that she was bullied really [00:30:30] badly, um, bullied at school, you know, felt out of place at home, and that impacted. Her, her grades, um, because she just didn't, she didn't have [00:30:40] her place, she didn't feel good.

Um, and she said she did a study in that, you know, it turns out a lot of people with ADHD, like a very high percentage had bullying [00:30:50] experience. Did you, it sounds like you didn't have that. 

Speaker 5: Oh, no, no. Oh, no, no. Um, one of the things about being a lot and being in a [00:31:00] lot of sports and, um, and being loud. I was, um, I would say I was probably more of my authentic self back [00:31:10] then, 'cause I was very loud.

I think at 50 years old, I've, I've been, um, beaten back a little bit by, uh, HR departments in corporate America to, to [00:31:20] kind of, uh, reign it in, which I'm starting to take those chains off 'cause I don't care anymore. Right. But, um, in the seventh and in the seventh and [00:31:30] eighth and ninth grade, I'd say through most of high school, um.

I was Lynn at a hundred percent, which meant, um, there, you either loved [00:31:40] me. Or you really, really hated me. 

Speaker 4: I was there 

Speaker 5: with Yeah, 

Speaker 4: exactly the same way. So my, my very best friends for the most [00:31:50] part have remained my very best friends because they've figured out we like, or we can tolerate her. But I, it's, and it's been hard for me to know that I'm not for everybody.

And [00:32:00] there's this, you know, we have that strong rejection sensitivity, and if somebody doesn't like me, then I almost will bend over backwards because my feelings are. So hurt that they don't like [00:32:10] me, that I will dwell there rather than focusing on who does like me, which I noticed, and I mentioned this in my book with my oldest child, will, will, um, would, would focus [00:32:20] on the kids that didn't like them in school, um, rather than having the friends that did and so will always struggled socially.

Uh, for that 

Speaker 5: reason. Yeah. Well, you know, this [00:32:30] particular group of girls, um, would, uh, decide when they wanted to attack me at school. And it always seemed like [00:32:40] at the end of the year they had had enough of hearing about me, like hearing about. Me over the intercom that like, oh, Lynn won, um, the, the tennis, the [00:32:50] state tennis tournament, and, and Lynn is a soccer red, and, and Lynn's gonna be performing at this and that, you know, they just get tired of hearing my name and they just wanted to beat me [00:33:00] down to be like, stop.

We don't, we don't wanna hear your name anymore. Um, and so four of them, uh, would push me into the [00:33:10] lockers and, you know, just, just try to, to beat me up. But I was pretty athletic and I decided, you know, um, I'm gonna [00:33:20] take out the leader 'cause she got me on a bad day. I think I was PMSing. And, and I did one of those ies like, I mean, I, I wasn't upset.

I was [00:33:30] just, I was just on it. I was very hyper-focused on, on hurting her face. And after that, um, people were a little less likely to, um, to jump [00:33:40] me. But I will say that, um, had social media been around. Oh my gosh. I think they would've destroyed me. I [00:33:50] think that they, um, would've had a field day with me and, um, I think that might've would've gotten to me.

The words probably would've gotten to me. I [00:34:00] think people silently voted when they didn't like me. They, they just kind of silently voted. Um, but you know, those were the people I didn't invite to my keg parties either. [00:34:10] So, you know, I understand why they probably didn't like me. That's 

Speaker 4: interesting because I, I, I went to my high school reunion and they were passing out the flyers of all the parties [00:34:20] that people would go, we're gonna meet at this place.

Right. But it wasn't posted all over social media, so I didn't know that I wasn't getting involved. But when I had a child that was seeing it all over social media [00:34:30] and seeing this, the things that they weren't being invited to, it was crushing. Um, and you know, so I wanted to say to say that, so we are so lucky, [00:34:40] but I also think that, um.

When you are too much, and I hate to use the word too much because you know, we were made exactly to be who we are. [00:34:50] And you know, that's what the Sparkler Society is gonna be about, is gonna be being exactly who you are, showing up exactly who you are, not dimming your light, you know? But we grew up with that.

And I [00:35:00] share it in my book too, like. Be Jamie Light, you know, tone, tone it down, take it down a notch, right? Like that, that, that's the messaging. Um, and so for a lot of people that intensity [00:35:10] in a friendship was too much. And so I think that was also a reason that I, that I lost some friends and then throw in a little bit of, um, if I [00:35:20] have something to say, like that's where my impulse control became an issue because I.

If I had something to say, it was too painful to keep it in. And I [00:35:30] did. Sometimes I thought about the consequences and sometimes I was reacting so quickly that there was no stop and pause and process and consider the consequences of [00:35:40] the choice. That, by the way, is another thing we're gonna be bringing into the community.

I love it. Um, it's gonna be called the high road and, and I actually was talking about that in with one of my coaching sessions [00:35:50] yesterday. Because she struggles even in her sixties with not saying the thing. And I said, you know what, like if you could go to a community and say, I wanted to say this, but I [00:36:00] didn't do it, and then everybody's like high fiving and celebrating like, then you're gonna pause a little bit more.

So that, that's another, like we, we are building the sparkler society around, [00:36:10] around what we need. Right? 

Speaker 5: Yeah. I mean, we, we, we truly are. I mean that's, I I, I'm trying to get back to. My authentic [00:36:20] self after kind of dimming my light for a while to survive in the, the tech corporate America that I was in. Um, [00:36:30] and, you know, that's, that's where I wanna be.

I mean, that's where I wanna be for the rest of my life, right. But I, you know, I wanna get, get better at, [00:36:40] um, you know, the losing things and the, and I don't wanna, um. Leave my children with clutter and I don't wanna leave my children with, um, disorganization and, [00:36:50] and as I am also that person in the middle, my father, you know, who is 85 and I just spent the night with them the other night.

Um, [00:37:00] the ADHD is getting worse. Um, and I think, you know, I follow a lot of my father's patterns so I can already see that if I don't. [00:37:10] Start to work on this now that at 85 I could be physically putting myself in danger that I can't sit and I'm getting up and I'm, I'm, I'm moving [00:37:20] things and I'm, I've gotta move things right now.

I've gotta, I've gotta go check the mail now. I've gotta do this. Now I, you know, he, he's, he's, he's buzzing around and there's a lot of [00:37:30] opportunities for him to fall and hurt himself. So, um, so working on this now at 50 is gonna make my 85. Awesome. 

Speaker 4: [00:37:40] First of all, you're not 50, you're 56. But it's like, why do you keep saying that?

Um, we're gonna take a pause. 

Speaker 5: I rolled down. I rolled down. So, so, [00:37:50] so I, I know we, there, there's a little bit more to the story that I think people need to know. 

Speaker 4: Um, we're gonna come back to it. But remember, Lynn, you wanna not have to go back to the corporate [00:38:00] world, not to mention that you're, you know, in the higher side of the, the fifties, it's gonna be hard for you.

So sparkler society. Has to take off. [00:38:10] Like we, we need this, we need this for our livelihoods, we need this for what we're gonna contribute to the world. So we're gonna pause and take a word from our sponsors. Um, [00:38:20] that's a great way to put that in there. And also, again, this is the first time I'm doing a two part episode.

Um, and I'm hoping that you listen to part one. So [00:38:30] that part two makes more sense to you. Um, so I'm just going to ask you that if you like what you're hearing, if you will share it, if you will, comment on it, [00:38:40] because the world is finally waking up to the fact that ADHD. Is a real thing. It doesn't go away with age.

In fact, there's some people who say it's [00:38:50] gonna worsen as we age. And so that's why getting this message out now and de-stigmatizing it so people get the help that they need and the support that they need is important. And [00:39:00] unfortunately, there's algorithms and Lynn, you know about all of this stuff. Like if enough people don't listen to it or don't like it, then no one ever sees it.

So, um, anyway, so please like this [00:39:10] podcast. Share this podcast, comment on this podcast, and then please listen to the commercials you're about to hear. Um, because this, this is a labor [00:39:20] of love, um, but even love doesn't pay the bills. So we're gonna pause and come right back with the rest of Lynn's story.

Speaker 6: [00:39:30] I used to dread [00:39:40] visiting my mother because of the clutter. The piles, the chaos. We all experienced clutter differently. For me, it was a source of [00:39:50] anxiety and stress. I'd try to help and she'd get defensive. We were both frustrated. It was destroying our relationship. [00:40:00] Then we discovered something that changed everything.

My mother had ADHD, and she'd been living with it undiagnosed for over [00:40:10] 76 years. Suddenly, it all made sense. The clutter wasn't laziness. The disorganization wasn't a choice. Her [00:40:20] brain was wired differently and no amount of willpower or traditional organizing advice was ever going to work. That discovery [00:40:30] became my life's work.

It's why I started. The grandma has ADHD podcast. It's why I became an ADHD coach and specialist, and it's why [00:40:40] I am so passionate about helping women like my mother and maybe like you. Because here's what I know, clutter affects us emotionally and [00:40:50] physically. It damages relationships. It creates shame, spirals, and the overwhelm of not knowing where to start keeps you frozen.

But it's [00:41:00] okay to ask for help. In fact, it's brave. If you are in the San Diego or Coachella Valley area, my team at Silver Linings [00:41:10] Transitions can come to your home. We'll help you tackle the clutter with compassion, not judgment. I also work with women virtually through one-on-one [00:41:20] ADHD coaching, and if you are overwhelmed with clutter.

I can connect you with trusted resources in your area. Visit Jamie [00:41:30] shapiro.me to get started or grab my book. This explains so much on Amazon. My mother and I got our relationship back. You can get your piece back too. [00:41:40] That's [00:41:50] J-A-M-I-S-H-A-P-I-R-O.me.

Speaker 9: Moving can feel overwhelming. Whether you are downsizing, relocating, or helping a loved one [00:42:00] transition. There are so many decisions to make, details to handle and emotions to navigate. At silver linings, transitions, we believe every [00:42:10] move should be magical, not stressful. We are more than movers. We expertly guide you through the entire process and do our best to [00:42:20] alleviate your concerns.

From the moment we meet, you'll feel comfortable because we will listen to your needs and wants and work together to create a personalized [00:42:30] plan that honors your memories and your cherished belongings while helping you embrace your next chapter. We visit your new space and create a detailed [00:42:40] floor plan, ensuring your furniture and treasure belongings will fit safely.

We handle the logistics so you don't need to worry about anything from [00:42:50] sorting and packing to coordinating the sale and donation of unwanted items. Our professional team uses efficient, eco-friendly bins and handles every [00:43:00] detail with care. We coordinate with our vetted moving partners, oversee the logistics, and ensure nothing is left behind even packing your [00:43:10] refrigerator items.

Here's where the magic happens. We don't just unpack, we recreate the feeling of home using photos from your previous space. [00:43:20] We thoughtfully arrange your furniture, hang your pictures, and set up your kitchen and bathroom so everything feels familiar from day one. When you [00:43:30] walk into your new space, it's not just moved in it's home.

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Speaker 7: [00:44:10] Hi, I'm Jamie Shapiro. I am an ADHD coach and the founder of [00:44:20] Silver Linings Transitions, where we do home organizing and move management. And you know, I did not know that I had ADHD [00:44:30] for years, and I remember personally hiring an organizing company to come in and help me because I could just never get it together.

And it really wasn't until [00:44:40] I understood. ADHD and its impact that I realized why, and so I wrote a book. This explains so much understanding undiagnosed [00:44:50] ADHD, because I just feel like there's so many answers that people don't even know that they're looking for, especially generations of women [00:45:00] who. Grew up thinking that ADHD was just for the hyperactive little boy.

It turns out it's not only a body that can be hyperactive, but it can be a mind that's hyperactive. So you [00:45:10] can have a wonderful day and you can have something wonderful happen. And then that one negative thing that happens is gonna be that thing that takes you into that spiral and it's gonna be keeping [00:45:20] you up at night and you're gonna be ruminating on it.

And I think that, you know, we as women carry. So much shame and so much how it's supposed to be. I'm supposed to have it [00:45:30] together. And I remember that was the case for me. I, I remember how is it that all of these women have so much consistency and their kids get the sticker charts and everything seems to run well and [00:45:40] I'm the one that's missing parent teacher conferences and my house, you know, is always in chaos.

And, and then again, that negative self-talk. So I, my mission [00:45:50] is really to educate people who have no. Idea that ADHD has the impact that it does, and it's to connect you to other people who get it and [00:46:00] who will make you feel that you aren't alone. You're not crazy, you're not lazy, you're not stupid, you're not too much.

You just have a brain that was wired [00:46:10] differently and I can't wait for you to join me in the community that I'm building, the workshops that I'm creating. The book club that I'm hosting because I [00:46:20] know that I am going to make a profound difference in your life.

Speaker 4: And we are back. Lynn. Uh, we wanna kind of. Complete the rest of [00:46:30] this interview. Um, we left people talking about the Sparkler Society, but I wanna, I wanna bring it back to just, you know, what were your thoughts when [00:46:40] you, when you heard Kim Holderness suddenly at 49 say, I've had ADHD this, you know, this whole time.

Speaker 5: Well, you [00:46:50] know, it was interesting. Um, you know, she, she looked kind of sad about it, but I was like. I knew we'd always be best friends. [00:47:00] Okay. Like, I, like you're, you know, um, you can tell she's always been creative. I, I think it's, I think I'm very, um, I. I'm very [00:47:10] happy that like, you know, like it's, it's starting to come full circle.

Um, I'm glad that, um, you know, she kind of announced the way she did. I [00:47:20] too am married to an ADHD husband. Um, so we, you know, who is running this household? Well, she is and I am, although I think she [00:47:30] probably is doing a better job than I did. But I will say that, um, two ADHD people in the household, um. You know, the woman thinks I can't [00:47:40] possibly have it because everybody in my household thinks I'm holding it together.

I mean, in fact, my son called me this morning and asked me where his car registration is. I don't even [00:47:50] know Jamie, where my own car registration is, but he assumes that I somehow magically with my same disorganization as him know [00:48:00] where it is. I mean, they really, your, your ADHD family relies on the mom.

Speaker 4: You know what? I'm so glad you brought that. That was something else that I brought up, [00:48:10] um, with Dr. Goodman in our podcast. And again, people are gonna hear this podcast before they hear that podcast, but I, I loved that I educated him because I have, I have done, you [00:48:20] know, been doing this podcast now for more than a year, 80, 90 episodes.

Um, and I interview people who talk about the impact of having parents with ADHD. And [00:48:30] what I've discovered is that if the father has ADHD. There's not as much of an impact on the family as when the mother has ADHD because the mother [00:48:40] is the executive functioning of the house and she is the one that's, um, at least in the gender roles that we grew up with.

She is the one that have to, has to make sure the house is running well and [00:48:50] it's neat and tidy and the kids have done their homework and their grades are good, and that's a reflection. On her. Mm-hmm. And so, so that is, you know, one of the reasons that [00:49:00] ADHD lands harder for a woman. Um, what he did say is that te it tends to be, and this has been my experience, that men struggle more financially.

You know, they're not thinking because of their [00:49:10] now and not now time. They're maybe not. Saving properly. Um, and so they take on the financial burdens of a DH adhd, not keep not being able to keep jobs, you know, not [00:49:20] properly saving for retirement, but the way that the household runs is, is more the woman.

Um, and I also shared with him and he was like, oh, you know, that's a good observation. I said, you know. [00:49:30] Why do you think women are, are discovering that they have ADHD more and more now? And um, and I said, and I added to him and I said, I think that women are more likely [00:49:40] to share their problems with their friends and I or their issues, you know, any of those issues.

And that I've found that, and you've finding this too, that the [00:49:50] people that I tend to be closest to also. Likely have ADHD 'cause we have very similar personalities and so I'm not too much for you. So when I say, Hey, Lynn, I was [00:50:00] diagnosed with a D, HD. And then you start to hear my story, you're like, oh, wait a minute.

So, so that's the other thing is that we're, we're opening ourselves up. So we're talking about it. [00:50:10] And thankfully to your point, back to tight, back to the beginning of the interview, your parents, you know, had the fact that they were willing to take you to a psychologist, you know, back in the early [00:50:20] seventies is amazing 'cause most people wanted to hide their problems.

Did not want anybody to know that there was an issue and lived in, in denial. So. [00:50:30] 

Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, and then, um, I, I think I brought this up before, you know, my dad's philosophy don't chase good money after bad. [00:50:40] Um, don't 

Speaker 4: throw good money after bad. 

Speaker 5: Don't throw chase. I don't know, whichever way he said it.

But anyways, I, um, you know, he, he, [00:50:50] um, at this point, you know, by, by high school. By high school, and I'm, I'm, I'm still in five sports and I'm still, um. Well, it was [00:51:00] about seventh, it was about eighth or ninth grade. Um, I'm still ice skating. Uh, and ice skating is a very expensive sport. And now my dad has seen a pattern [00:51:10] of Lynn is very interested and hyper-focused until she's not.

Right. And now we're chasing a lot of money [00:51:20] after ice skating. And where is this ice skating going? And, and now I'm starting to get a little bit more pushback. [00:51:30] Now, I didn't realize at the time that, you know, my dad, um, at, at 15, he. He did a major career change. So [00:51:40] obviously, you know, money was on the mine.

Like he now, now I look back and I'm like, oh, he was preparing for a career change and he has this daughter who's like [00:51:50] running through all the money in the house with all the activities and all the ice skating. You know, ice skating blades cost $500, not the boot. The blade [00:52:00] and I had like 12 pairs escaped.

I mean, I'm not bragging, I'm just saying I cost my parents a lot of money with my personal interests and now, you know, we're obviously [00:52:10] going through some sort of career change. So, um, you know, now they're saying, okay, are you really that interested? Right now they're starting to [00:52:20] push back on, is this a fad?

Are you really that interesting? And what's so funny is Jamie and I have this discussion all the time that all of a sudden I'll be sitting here and I haven't talked to Jamie for two [00:52:30] days and I'll be like, she's not as into the Sparkler society as I am. I am into the sparkler. I like, I'm living the Sparkler society.

And she's like, I'm running a business too. And I'm like, [00:52:40] no, I need to know that you are in as much as I am in, but we are in. I think this is our, this is our future and our hyper focus. But, um, every now and then, I just [00:52:50] have to check in with you 'cause I'm like so worried that like you've thought of something else new and Well, I'm always 

Speaker 4: thinking of new things, but the [00:53:00] difference between.

Those things. And, and this is, I truly believe this is, this is, this is my why. This is my purpose for being here. Right. Um, and I would never have [00:53:10] gotten to this if I hadn't, you know, started Silver Linings Transitions. And I will also say, um, that, that, you know, that is my senior [00:53:20] move management company.

I'm gonna plug it in San Diego. Um, and I have an amazing team now of, of people who, you know. Keep it [00:53:30] going and who help our clients. And where I, where I come in, it is, you know, obviously strategy. Um, and if we do have clients [00:53:40] that we think might maybe have ADHD, again, we're not diagnosing, but when we see patterns, me getting involved in this situation and helping everybody understand the [00:53:50] support that that person needs, um, which might be different than.

Just a typical, you know, person that we're helping through the move. But anyway, I'm [00:54:00] not just to say I'm not losing interest, but, but I have a team of people who rely on a solid, stable paycheck to feed their family and keep their lights [00:54:10] on, and so I cannot abandon them. Um, and, and that's when we become a grownup is when we have to say, yes, this is my hyperfocus, but I also, I have [00:54:20] people who are relying on me.

So, so that is my balance. By the way, I'm also rewriting, uh, the second version of the book, which I'm excited. It's, um, this explains so much [00:54:30] to TOO because I'm adding the Sparkler Society into that. I'm adding, you know, when you host a podcast. And coach you learn [00:54:40] more. And you know, I've attended two conferences since I wrote the last book, so I have to add, like, you know, there's just more to add.

Speaker 5: Yeah, no, I get it. I get it. I, I, you know, again, we're, [00:54:50] we're feeding energy off each other. So if there are days you don't have energy, I have got the energy and, and vice versa. 

Speaker 4: I have one more thing. So a lot, a lot of people, and [00:55:00] you tell me if you're, um, a lot of people struggle to read a book with ADHD.

They will look at the page three times, you know, and they just cannot absorb it. 'cause their mind just keeps wandering. [00:55:10] So a lot of people have said, I wanna, I wanna read your book, but until you put it out in an audio version, I'm not gonna have the bandwidth. So I don't wanna record the [00:55:20] audio until the book feels like it's.

Closer to what I want it to be. So, Lynn, I love you. I'm committed to the Sparkler Society. I'm [00:55:30] committed to everybody who's gonna benefit from it, but I'm spread thin. 

Speaker 5: You are. You are. And I, I, you know, I mean, that's kind of where, [00:55:40] um. Your, your partner, your spouse, your children. Uh, my husband will be like, okay, Lynn, [00:55:50] you're doing, you know, you're doing improv, standup.

You had a full-time job. You got the kids. You know what I mean? Like, let, let you know, occasionally I need, I need a sounding board of [00:56:00] somebody to be like, um, you know, wow. That's. You know, that's a lot. Um, my, you know, I think, I think my dad [00:56:10] enforcing that. Um, you get, you get three sports. You know, we're, we're done with the five, you get three.

You know, he wanted to coach one. So he was [00:56:20] really hoping I'd picked a sport that he could coach 'cause he wanted to be involved. Um, he was one of those dads, which is also awesome. Um, so, you know, I picked softball so he could [00:56:30] coach softball, but, you know, ice skating and um, ice skating counted as two 'cause it was really expensive.

Um. But that did, that did show me that, you know, you, you can't do [00:56:40] everything. Um, you, you do have to make those choices. And when, um, you know, when I chose to go away to college, given that my [00:56:50] academic career was not. The best. I know that that was another moment that my dad probably thought, and here we go.

We're just [00:57:00] writing the checkout and you know, she's gonna go to a couple of football games, she's gonna meet a bunch of people and you know, we're gonna be moving her stuff out. Before [00:57:10] the spring semester, you know, I mean, he probably was thinking it all sounds good until she gets to finals, until she gets to projects, until she gets to things [00:57:20] where she has to deliver.

So he very much told me, um, if you give up on this, you will pay me back. [00:57:30] 

Speaker 4: I love that. And, and spoiler alert, Lynn graduated from the University of Florida. That's where we met in the college of, uh, journalism and communicate 

Speaker 5: student, 

Speaker 4: oh, [00:57:40] 

Speaker 5: you're the, A student. 

Speaker 4: You don't wanna hear that. I was highest honors, but, but actually that brings up a really good point and I, I wanna kind of wrap this, this up.

But you know, a DH, adhd, a lot of people [00:57:50] think it's poor parenting. Like if you would have better parents, you wouldn't have ADHD. Um, and I just wanna highlight, you know, Lynn had, Lynn, Lynn and I are about as opposite as you can be coming [00:58:00] into this story. Lynn had married parents, she was raised Catholic.

Um, she's uh, conservative Republican. I [00:58:10] am Jewish. I did not have a stable childhood. Um, I am not a Republican. Um, you know, uh, I live in California [00:58:20] now, lived in Jacksonville as well. Like we, it, it, we are opposite. And, and it just goes to show that it is not poor parenting that ADHD. Um, and I, and I will also [00:58:30] say one of the things that I've heard is.

Yes, we have more incidents of issues with attention because we, we have kids who've got phones in their hands all the time. They're not getting proper exercise, they're not [00:58:40] outside. So a hundred percent we definitely have an environmental situation, you know, causing more attention deficit issues, [00:58:50] but we.

Have ADHD because we were born this way, not because of the environment. So I just, I just wanted to kind of highlight that for [00:59:00] anybody that's like, and so if you're feeling shame, um, that's like saying, I, I'm, I feel shame because, you know, I, my, I was [00:59:10] born deaf or you know, I can't see. It's, it's, it's the same.

It's like, you know, my mom, it's, it's very anti meds. Um, so when I, [00:59:20] you know, when I have had periods of my life where I, I needed probably some, um, boosts, like when I was going through cancer and refused to take anything from my anxiety, and my mom would say, Jamie, take something. Take [00:59:30] something. Um, and I, and I absolutely would not, and it was because of my own anxiety.

I didn't wanna put anything into my body. But she said, Jamie, if you needed insulin, be for diabetes. Would [00:59:40] you take it? Yes. If you needed me medicine for your blood pressure, would you take it? Yes. You know, we need to start looking at ADHD. Um, we have a brain wiring [00:59:50] difference. We do not process dopamine the same way, and that causes all sorts of, um, of impacts across many, many areas of our life.

But it is [01:00:00] nothing to be ashamed about. So anyway, do you have anything else that you wanna 

Speaker 5: say? Well, well, I, I would. On that note of medication you bring up to conclude my [01:00:10] story in a very succinct way. Um, we were both at University of Florida and the worst of all, worst, uh, situations happen that I [01:00:20] happened to be living in an apartment across from where the serial killer, uh, apartment complex, uh, with a serial killer that came to Gainesville, um, killed [01:00:30] multiple people.

Um, Jamie and I also fit the profile of what the serial killer was looking for to kill. Mm-hmm. And at the time I am [01:00:40] working at a radio station where I have to get to the radio station at four in the morning. So I must leave my apartment and get to that microphone at, at [01:00:50] 5:00 AM in the morning, in the dark.

On campus from off campus to on campus, basically going through what I would consider, consider, you know, [01:01:00] serial killer, killer, um, alley, or you know, whatever. And that is when I mean. The anxiety shot back to my [01:01:10] kindergarten years. And 

Speaker 4: of course though, but that's a very, very, very valid reason. 

Speaker 5: Right. And so we all 

Speaker 4: had anxiety.

Even people that didn't have a DH, [01:01:20] ADHD or anxiety disorder before had anxiety because, you know, it isn't common that you have a serial killer on your college campus. Yeah. 

Speaker 5: So I, I did what I [01:01:30] knew what to do, which was to reach out for therapy. And, um, and they did, uh, prescribe medication. Um, [01:01:40] and I did take it because again, I had learned that if, um, I, if I earned some small wins, if I had a couple of good [01:01:50] night's sleep of taking that medication and I, I, I started to.

To regain my control over my thoughts of what if, what if, what [01:02:00] if, because I started to see some success. And then, um, my mother drove into town after I told her that, you know, I went through the college and went, went to a [01:02:10] therapist in the college and, and I was taking this medication. She drove into town because her concern was that.

She wanted to make sure the medication was at the right level [01:02:20] because she was like, I don't want it to dull your shine. So she came in, she took me out to lunch and at the time. I was on a very extreme high [01:02:30] dose, and she asked me to tell her what was going on in my life, which would normally be like, I'm dating this guy and that guy, and oh my God, mom, mom, mom.

But instead, it was a very [01:02:40] dull story. It, it, it had no peaks and valleys. It was very monotone. And then she told me to show her the medications and show her the, the milligrams. She [01:02:50] called a few doctors in Jacksonville and they were like, it's too high for her. Then they reduced it and then they reduced it again to only those [01:03:00] nights where like it was crippling fear.

Then I just only took it those nights. And then eventually, like when my prescription came up, I was like, [01:03:10] I had those small wins and I was like, I don't need it anymore. But the methodology had changed and the, the medication, um, [01:03:20] was, you know, given to me within like one visit. You know, um, it had, it had obviously become acceptable to take like the pain level down [01:03:30] to get the wins and then to, to kind of tweak from there.

So I see where it can be really useful. And then I also see where, you know, you [01:03:40] have to keep evaluating and adjusting. You know, you may have to evaluate and adjust. So that is the end, well. It's never an ending story, but, but, but that is [01:03:50] the, the misdiagnosis and the therapy, um, you know, kind of leading up to, you know, where, where we are now, um, [01:04:00] in the acceptance and surrounding yourself with other friends that, that, that get you.

I don't [01:04:10] know. I think that's the best way that I could say it, is that now we can talk about it. Now, Jamie, when you come into town, it's awesome because when you start talking to people, [01:04:20] um, because of all the research and stuff that you've done, you feel very comfortable saying to somebody, Hey, have you [01:04:30] ever considered that you may have ADHD?

I am not there yet. Because I want someone to tell me first, and then I'm [01:04:40] like, oh, be my friend. But, but I, 'cause I'm not there yet. And I also feel like, um, I, I still have so much to learn, so I consider [01:04:50] myself to be sort of. The average community member of the Sparkler Society and then, you know, we're all going to kind of like learn and evolve together.

So [01:05:00] there's still so much, um, I know there's still so much you don't know, but there's still so much in, in my journey that I am not, like, I know when I [01:05:10] like somebody and I don't know why I like somebody. Pretty much, I can tell you that's probably the reason why I like 'em, is because they can handle my energy and I can, and I can get [01:05:20] energy from them.

I do have some introverted friends that I just love because their quietness, I, I, I like to try to learn from them [01:05:30] too on the quietness that they can be comfortable with, but. I can't all the time be with them because at some point I feel like I'm performing and I'm the, [01:05:40] you know, I'm the class clown and I'm not getting my energy back.

You know what I'm saying? 

Speaker 4: I know exactly. I know exactly what you're saying. Um, and I think, you [01:05:50] know, you and I could keep going and going and going and going. 

Speaker 5: Yeah. Um, 

Speaker 4: but I, I don't wanna lose our audience. Um, 

Speaker 5: yeah, 

Speaker 4: there definitely will be more of the two of us together and there, [01:06:00] you know, course more in, in the sparkler society, which is coming.

Um, we're gonna be actually, by the time this releases, uh, we're gonna have our. First, um, gathering, [01:06:10] um, to really join people on the wait list and, and make sure that we are building exactly what they want and need. Um, so again, go to Jamie Shapiro, [01:06:20] JAMI, Shapiro, S-H-A-P-I-R-O, dot me, and find the Sparkler Society where you can find the wait list.

Lynn. Um, I, I love that you've always been [01:06:30] that friend. That was however much you were. I was always just a little less, so it was comfortable for me because, you know, again, we both share that aot ness. [01:06:40] Um, and I'm so glad that, that you're starting to understand yourself better, that the world is seeing more and more and more people come forward and say, you know, I, I have this, and just [01:06:50] because I'm smart or successful or was able to have good grades or keep a good home, it doesn't mean that I haven't been compensating behind the scenes.

Working more, you know, harder [01:07:00] than anybody else to look like. I have my shit together. Um, so anyway, uh, if so, as I always like to end the podcast, do you think you could do it this time because I've asked you [01:07:10] before, I've teed it up and then you don't get it. 

Speaker 5: You forget that. I forget all the taglines. 

Speaker 4: Okay.

I'll tell you then, 'cause I understand how your brain works and you [01:07:20] know it's not your thing, it's mine. But, uh, this podcast is all about helping you understand that it is never too late to understand yourself better, [01:07:30] um, and make the rest of your life the what, Lynn? 

Speaker 5: Yes. Of your life. 

Speaker 4: Thanks so much for listening

Speaker 8: The [01:07:40] opinions expressed on Grandma has ADHD podcast are those of our guests and hosts and are intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. This [01:07:50] podcast does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The content discussed in this episode is not a substitute for professional medical advice, [01:08:00] diagnosis, or treatment.

Always seek the advice of your physician, mental health, professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical [01:08:10] condition or mental health concern. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on this podcast.

If you think you [01:08:20] may have a medical e. Call your doctor or emergency services immediately. The host, guests and producers of Grandma has ADHD. Do not assume any [01:08:30] liability for the content of this podcast. Listen at your own discretion.