Episode 83 - Overcoming the Guilt and Shame of ADHD

In this episode, Jami Shapiro sits down with ADHD coach and educator Jamie Blume for a deeply honest conversation about guilt, shame, and self-compassion in the ADHD journey.

Jamie shares her personal story of discovering ADHD through her son’s struggles and how that realization reshaped not only her understanding of him, but of herself and her past.

Together, Jami and Jamie explore how guilt shows up in ADHD, why it can feel so heavy, and how shifting from self-blame to self-compassion can open the door to growth, healing, and a more empowered way forward.

What You’ll Learn

• How ADHD can show up in childhood but go unrecognized
• Why many adults carry guilt about missed signs or late diagnosis
• The connection between ADHD, shame, and self-perception
• How to shift from “should have known” to “what can I do now”
• The role of self-compassion in moving forward
• How ADHD affects social dynamics and relationships
• Why structure and systems matter at every stage of life
• How menopause and life transitions can intensify ADHD symptoms

Why This Matters

Many adults spend years looking back with regret, wishing they had known sooner.

This episode is a reminder that while those feelings are real, staying there doesn’t move us forward.

Understanding ADHD through a new lens can help replace guilt with clarity, and shame with self-compassion.

The ADHD Button Question

Jami asks every guest: If there were a button that could remove your ADHD forever, would you press it?

Jamie’s answer: No.

She shares that ADHD is deeply connected to who she is, her creativity, empathy, and energy, and that with the right tools and awareness, it becomes something to work with, not against.

About the Guest

Jamie Blume is an ADHD coach, educator, and founder of Along Their Way. After her own ADHD diagnosis, she dedicated her work to helping individuals and families better understand and navigate life with ADHD through both science and lived experience.

About the Host

Jami Shapiro is an ADHD coach, speaker, and founder of Silver Linings Transitions. Through her podcast Grandma Has ADHD, she brings awareness to ADHD in older adults, especially women, helping listeners better understand their brains and navigate life with more clarity and compassion.

Resources

Along Their Way: https://alongtheirway.com
ADHD coaching and support resources
This Explains So Much by Jami Shapiro

Links & Support

Website: https://www.jamishapiro.me

Silver Linings Transitions: Support for downsizing, organizing, and life transitions

Book: This Explains So Much by Jami Shapiro

Thank you for joining us for this episode of Grandma Has ADHD! We hope Jami's journey and insights into ADHD shed light on the unique challenges faced by older adults. Stay tuned for more episodes where we’ll explore helpful resources, share personal stories, and provide guidance for those navigating ADHD. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this podcast with friends who might benefit. Remember, Make the rest of your life the best of your life.

Follow us:

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Facebook:

Silver Linings Transitions
Grandma Has ADHD (Facebook Page & Group)

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Transcript

 [00:00:15] Jami: Hi, I'm Jami Shapiro and welcome to Grandma has ADHD. I'm a certified senior move manager and owner of Silver Linings Transitions, where I help people navigate life's big transitions. But here's the thing, I spent years helping families move through change while completely missing the pattern that was running through my own life.

I'm the daughter of two ADHD parents, the mother of three ADHD children, and yep, I have ADHD too. For years I didn't have the language or understanding for what that meant, but becoming an ADHD coach and specialist, that's been absolutely game changing, not just for how I work with my clients. But for how I relate to my family and honestly for how I understand myself.

I even wrote a book about it called This Explains So Much. This podcast is for all of us who are discovering ADHD later in life. Each week I bring new conversations with industry experts and people sharing their own ADHD journeys. Real stories, real strategies, and often a little too much information.

If you're loving what you're hearing, please share this podcast. Leave us a review and find me@jamieshapiro.me. That's J-A-M-I-S-H-A-P-I-R-O.me, whether you're over 50 and just getting diagnosed. Or you're recognizing patterns you've lived with your whole life. This is your space to navigate ADHD with others who get it.

So grab your coffee and get comfortable, and let's dive in.

[00:01:54] Jami: Hey, here's a quick heads up. Before we dive in. You may hear me mention the Sparkler Society in this episode, talking about it. It's happening right now, and here's the truth. My ADHD brain got so excited about this community that I may have jumped a little bit enthusiastically, a lot enthusiastically before everything was actually ready.

Classic ADHD move, right? We know what that's like. So here's what's actually happening. We've hit pause to make sure the Sparkler Society launches the right way because this is going to change lives, and I want it to be everything you deserve from day one. We're officially launching in July of 2026, and here's what you can look forward to.

Live group sessions every week, including support around decluttering and downsizing, body doubling, and ADHD group coaching. We are also addressing some of the big challenges of ADHD, worrying over spending and starting crafts only to lose steam. Membership in the Sparkler Society is going to save you from paying the ADHD tax.

We're talking real dollars back in your pocket, and most importantly, we are building a community of women who want to get their shit together. Together. Here's the exciting part. We're starting a wait list right now@jamieshapiro.meJ-A-M-I-S-H-A-P-I-R-O.ME and the VIPs who join early will get free access to shape the community before we officially launch in July.

You'll help us build this thing together. So if you hear me talking about the Sparkler Society, it's happening tomorrow. Just know it's coming in July and it's going to be worth the wait. Let's get to today's episode.

[00:03:46] Jami: Welcome back to Grandma Has ADHD. I am so excited about today's episode because I get to introduce you to someone who's been a personal guide on my own journey, Jamie Blume. Back in 2011, she received her own ADHD diagnosis and it changed everything, not just for her, but for her entire family. She finally had answers to questions she'd been asking for years.

Why did her kids excel in some areas, but struggle in so many others? Why did daily tasks feel so overwhelming? 

And most heartbreakingly, she watched as one of her sons battle depression, anxiety, and self-harm until that ADHD diagnosis helped them all see the world through a completely different lens.

Jamie didn't just transform her own life. She felt this deep aching responsibility to help others navigate their ADHD journey too. So she dove into the science, buried herself in the research, and became certified as an ADHD coach through both the International Coaching Federation and the Professional Association for ADHD Coaches.

Now she's the founder and CEO of Along Their Way where she works with young adults, adults, and families who are discovering what it means to thrive with an ADHD brain. And here's my personal connection, Jamie was one of my coaches during my time in the Advocate Coach training program, so I got to experience firsthand her incredible blend of lived experience, scientific knowledge, and genuine compassion.

Today, we're diving into Jamie's transformational story, the toolkit she's built for living a fulfilling life with ADHD, and the power of self-compassion when you finally understand your beautiful sparkly brain. Wooh! Welcome, Jamie. 

[00:05:33] Jamie: Thank you, Jami. 

[00:05:35] Jami: It's so fun. My, my stepdaughter's best friend is Jamie, and so we always say, hi, Jamie.

Hi Jamie. We both acknowledge that we think that's fun. 

[00:05:43] Jamie: I have to say growing up as I see your name printed and of course knew how you spell your name, I always wanted it to be spelled the way yours was, or J-A-I-M-E. So it would be, I love you in French and, but you know, so be it so I can, it can live vicariously through you, Jami.

[00:06:02] Jami: Since you mentioned the spelling of my name, I have to tell you my personal theory. Okay. So now when I go into Trader Joe's and I see somebody with a unique spelling name, I will ask them if they had a parent with ADHD. 

[00:06:15] Jamie: Ah, that's awesome. That's awesome. 

[00:06:17] Jami: Because the person who named me had ADHD, because you know, that's an out of the box thinker.

[00:06:22] Jamie: Yeah, that's great. That's awesome. 

[00:06:24] Jami: Yeah, so welcome. Anyway, I'm so glad to have you and I always like to start with, how did you get here? And you and I have, some shared experience too because I also came to my own ADHD through my oldest child's diagnosis, and we had a lot of issues with all of the same things that you've mentioned in with your son.

So I'd love to not make light of it, but hear about your journey into this space. 

[00:06:48] Jamie: Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. And thanks for having me. I'm really excited to be here and I think this transition into that next phase of life is really in a time before I get into my story, is really just a time I have focused a lot of my attention, both personally and professionally, because there's so much that goes on as we transition through menopause and past menopause into understanding what's ADHD, what's menopause, what's both, and how to navigate that space. So I'm just so thrilled and excited that you're in this space, Jami, and that you're doing this work and that you're supporting all of these wonderful women who are going through changes. And so I'm just really excited to be here. So thank you for having me. 

[00:07:34] Jami: And it, it is an honor because I did really get to experience learning and coaching with you because I had you in my very last set of classes where we actually did the coaching and it was great.

So thank you, and then I got to see you again at the International ADHD conference. And so yeah, tell me about your little Jamie. Not my little Jamie. 

[00:07:53] Jamie: Yeah. So, it happened like you said, around 2011, I guess it was. And my son was struggling pretty intensely, with lots of things, school academics, school refusal, being bullied, getting in trouble, all the things. And then it progressed into drugs and self-harm and suicidal ideation. And I could tell you very awful Corey's sad stories but I will not, I will spare you that and just say that it was a very intense time for our family and for him. 

Through all of the support that we reached out and received. One of the things that was uncovered was that he had ADHD, but I'm gonna rewind the tape and be really open and vulnerable about something that happened when he was two, because I think that this is so important as you said, that you were raised by somebody who had a ADHD.

 And as we find out later in the story, that I too have ADHD, I didn't know it. 

And when my child was two, there wasn't a lot of information about ADHD, but we knew even at that young age, he was struggling and we brought him to a therapist at age two to find out what was going on.

And were told that he had executive function challenges, which again, I had no idea what that was. And we were told that he needed a lot of structure. That was it.

And I said to this very kind gentleman, oh, I don't do structure. And I laughed and I walked outta the office and that was it. That was it.

There was no follow up. There was no and again, I, you know, I, I blame myself as well. Right. But the, you know, that was kind of it. Until fast forward, now he's 15 and we're seeing all these struggles. And so I, I say that for those watchers or viewers of yours who may have been in my situation when he was two.

And or maybe in it even for themselves and saying, oh yeah, I don't do structure when we know how important structure is for all of us. And especially as we get older, how that still becomes really important. So I throw that out there because it was a real thing. 

[00:10:07] Jami: A hundred percent. So I was gonna share with you, Jamie, that similar, similarly, my oldest child who was the first one diagnosed with ADHD was very like, fly by the seat of your pants.

And so we would go to a friend's house and Will would pass out on the carpet,in their home or in the car on the way over. And I would just ask if we could leave the garage door to the house open and, so that there would be fresh circulation but there was no rhyme or reason.

And then my middle child actually has OCD and that child had to be in her crib at a specific time. I remember a trip when we had gone to visit my mother-in-law who lived five hours away and Allie would not sleep in that crib even though we brought her blanket. And we had to in the middle of the night, like three or four in the morning, realizing that this was just not gonna be sustainable, drive home, and she wouldn't take a bottle.

So I had to breastfeed her exclusively. And that just goes to show you that we are born the way we are born. And and all of a sudden we were on a rigid nap schedule. 

[00:11:20] Jamie: And because it was forced. 

 But I, I look back to my kids who, napped in the car on the way to soccer practice of the other one,

It seemed like it was working until it fell apart. And when it finally fell apart was when he luckily got help. And, I'll never forget, Jami, sitting in this therapist's office with him who specialized in ADHD unbeknownst to me, you know, specialized in addiction and other things, which is why we were there for him, I thought.

And she tells me that he has ADHD and she looks at me and says, and I would like to test you too, because I'm pretty sure, so do you. And I said, me, you know? And and that was the beginning of the story and how my life changed, how our family changed, and how I ended up here and supporting so many other people in the same quest and the same, level of uncertainty and confusion as they enter into the whole dialogue of ADHD.

[00:12:22] Jami: So let me ask you two questions. One is can you now looking back, identify ADHD in your childhood? 

[00:12:29] Jamie: Oh, a hundred percent. My mother for sure has it. My father most likely has it, neither diagnosed. and I think back to what I was like back then as a kid and the struggles that I had socially and otherwise that I just thought was normal teenage behavior. And now looking back, I can pinpoint things that people said to me that now I've learned not only that it's ADHD, but how to shift in relating to others and to my environment. 

[00:13:03] Jami: Yeah. So can you give us some examples? Because, a lot of my audience, they are not diagnosed. They are discovering this podcast because, they have a family member who has ADHD and you know, the word grandma and ADHD are together and they are.

A lot of them are just on this beginning journey, which is a two-parter. I wanted to hear about your childhood and maybe some of the, because I want them to identify with your story. I've shared that for me. I was diagnosed again in a psychiatrist's office with my oldest child in 2015. But for me, I was raising three young children going through a divorce, starting a business, and I'm like, okay, I have ADHD. My, my child has, is an honors student, so what? And I really did nothing else with it. So I didn't go into that rabbit hole of exploration. Until I realized that my mom had it.

And then that was for me, when I became a coach and was like, wait a minute, all these clients that I've worked with that reminded me of my mom, especially with the clutter, have had undiagnosed ADHD this whole time. So I'd love to hear both your story. you know, you as a, as a little, little girl or teenager.

'cause I know sometimes it doesn't come out until then. And then, when you started to go down the rabbit hole of exploration. 

[00:14:20] Jamie: Yeah, so when I was a little kid, not a little kid, but when I was more like high school and college age, I always did fine in school. So what you're describing with your child.

I was always in the honors classes. I did well in school. I went to a good college. So it wasn't that part of me that was my struggle. It was socially, I had a lot of friends. So again, on the if you looked at me from outside of the window, you'd say. She's totally good to go. Mm-hmm. But there were little things that I remember.

I always felt like I wasn't included. I had that rejection sensitivity. And I, I would hear people say things about me, oh, she's a lot. Or she's got a lot of energy people would say. And, you have those core memories. I'll never forget my sister saying, Jamie, you can't share that with this group, you barely know them.

And me thinking. So what, they're your friends. and the impulsivity of choices that I made and, just some of those things that I did socially where I would talk over people, or a big one now that I work on with so many of my clients is thinking that I was connecting, but taking over the story.

So as you were saying to me, oh, and then my mother had it, and I would jump in and say, oh my gosh, my mother had it, and let me tell you all about my story. So it was things like that socially I just didn't get. I didn't realize I didn't get, and I was always late. things that, again, I was always losing things that just seemed like I could pass off as something else that now I realize were so much of my ADHD and now.

I can look at it in a different lens, and I can come to these situations very differently with more social awareness, more emotional intelligence and just a better toolbox. 

[00:16:15] Jami: So as you're saying this, first of all, there's so much that I can relate to and one of the things that I love about the podcast, 'cause it just expands what I learned in coaching, was when you said that you would, oh my gosh, me too.

And I have lost friends over that because for me, I think I am connecting with you and I am like, making it so that you don't have to feel like I'm judging you, but I can relate to you. So for me, I approach friendship as I'm there with you. I see you, I understand you, I am you. But because I have lost two friends over it clearly.

that's something that, that I need to work on. 

[00:16:55] Jamie: this is a huge one for a lot of people, Jami. 'cause like you said, it comes from a good heart. It comes from a place of connection. It doesn't come from a place of separation. And yet what does everybody in the world want more than anything is to be seen and heard and accepted.

And when we jump into say, me too, we're actually no longer hearing or seeing them. It becomes about us, even though that's not the intention. And so when that happens, it's the same as, and for all of you who are laters, come to things, five to 20 to 30 minutes late, this is not a judgment.

Please hear me. But this was also something that had to switch for me, which I was always 15 minutes late. And it just,you know, it was who I was and that's just how I approach life. It just, it's who I am. Accept me for who I am, love me for who I am. And until kind of like you said with friends, I had a friend sit me down and say, I don't feel respected.

I don't feel like my time is respected because you're always 15 minutes late. And it wasn't that I was trying to be 15 minutes later disrespect. I was just trying to squeeze in that one more thing because I didn't have a good sense of estimating time. I had time by, so I thought that in five minutes I could stop and get the milk, pick up the cleaning, pick up my daughter at school and still meet my friend.

 And I, I didn't realize, number one, what that was causing. How that, how I was being perceived. And number two, that I, that it really was less about me respecting, you're not respecting, but more about me understanding, time in a new way and really judging. And now if I have 15 minutes I look and I say, is this realistic?

And now I can say no. 

[00:18:47] Jami: So for me that it isn't that I have the time blindness in terms of not knowing. Sometimes that happens, but for me, I don't like that dead space. I feel like if I have 10 minutes, I can't do nothing with that 10 minutes. And I struggle with just being, just like not having to go from thing to thing.

So for me, I'm working on, okay, if I park the car and sit, what else can I do? Can I meditate? Can I, you know, read a book? that's what's so amazing about this ADHD community is that just because we have it and we coach it, it doesn't mean we're not still affected by it.

We, we live it on a daily basis. 

[00:19:31] Jamie: So my big, trick for that one is I start, I have a good friend who speaks Spanish. She's from Mexico City, and I want to be able to communicate with her better. And so I've been doing Duolingo. So every time that I have that 10 minutes, I sit in my car and I'm very excited to do my Spanish lessons.

 It could be anything, like you said, from reading to journaling to meditating. But if we are finding things that are fun and are exciting and keep our interest, we're more likely to do it when we're sitting down and it feels, I get more excited, oh, I really hope I have 10 minutes to wait so that I can do this thing.

As opposed to, oh no, what am I gonna do with my 10 minutes? 

[00:20:12] Jami: I love that. That's awesome. I wish I was motivated to learn a second language. It's one of my blocks. It's one of the things I'm not good at or I say I'm not good at, but okay. so you found out in 2011 and then what? 

[00:20:25] Jamie: Then I did a deep dive. Again, mostly to help him and all of a sudden it was that moment when he was two where they said, oh, he needs structure all came rolling back to me and, all of the shame and the guilt and the regret and all of those emotions. But because I was also a wellness coach at the time, because I was also in this field of holistic health, I found myself very quickly going from that sense of regret and guilt to what can I do?

Because I knew and know that the beating ourselves up and the, going back and rewriting history and all the things doesn't help that it wasn't gonna do me any good or him to sit and wallow in the victimization of, oh, I did this. All I could do now was say, what can I do from here on forward?

And so I did that. So I did a deep dive and I started reading everything I could. And coincidentally, or not coincidentally, at the time I was working with the same age groupings that I do now, but I wasn't doing ADHD coaching, I was just doing wellness coaching and life coaching. And I got a call from a new now one of my closest friends and colleagues, therapist, who was referring me to, had never, I hadn't met her before, and she was referring a client to me and said to me, half jokingly, oh, I wish you worked with people with ADHD, and I would've all these people to refer to you and ha ha ha.

And often went, and I couldn't let it go. Not because the referrals, but. Why was that happening to me right now? As, as I was doing this deep dive and all the other things.

And I didn't do anything with it right away, and then it just, but it was, everything was pulling me towards ADHD, everything.

It was all these messages in my life. And so I did a deeper dive and a deeper dive and eventually found ATCA and that was the story. 

[00:22:25] Jami: You know, you brought something up as a parent that I really wanna dive into with you and you mentioned the guilt and so I would love to hear, what, do you carry guilt about your son inheriting ADHD from you?

[00:22:41] Jamie: Not anymore. No. I, it wasn't that I had guilt that, that he got it from me. Because I think my husband has it too. It wasn't so much that it was that I didn't do anything about it when I could have, when that, when he was two and somebody said he has this executive functioning thing, and I thought, I don't know what that is, and that's outta my wheelhouse.

I felt a lot of guilt for that, but like I said, for not that long because I found that when I feel. When I'm feeling that negative emotion of guilt or shame or regret or anything like that, all it does is is keeping me in that low vibrational energy. 

Of those emotions. And we know from Lisa Feldman Barrett and all the wonderful nueroscientists who work on how emotions are made and what happens neurologically in our bodies and brains, when we stay in those lower emotions, it doesn't bode well for us.

And so what happens is we then, what we give, we receive And so if I'm sending out all of that negative energy, that's where that's what I'm seeing. 

That's what I'm getting back because what I believe is what I see, not the opposite way around. 

And so knowing all of that from my background, I was able to, to much more quickly go to. What can I do? How can I change, how can I change the situation? What can I do to support?

And, so I dove really deep into that, but I don't wanna minimize the amount of guilt and shame that many of us can feel, and how painful it was to feel that when I did feel it. Because it's real. 

[00:24:20] Jami: Yeah. 

[00:24:20] Jamie: But again, staying there isn't helping anyone. 

And when we feel it, it's us who feels it holds us hostage. 

And then it's the ripple effect because we're walking around with those emotions and so everybody with whom we meet is getting that version of us.

And that's not helping anybody, including our children. 

[00:24:42] Jami: So I have to share that for me. I'm very, California woo woo. I was a Florida misfit and moved to California and I can say that I've never carried guilt. About passing on the ADHD because I know that my parents had it, and now I'm looking at my grandparents who had it.

And I, I love Viktor Frankl's work, and he has a term called Logotherapy where, he wrote the book Man Search for Meaning out of the Holocaust. And, It's really all about our attitude and that, we all have circumstances and so I feel very much like I have ADHD for a reason and I know that some people don't like that explanation either.

They think that's, sugarcoating ADHD and I recognize, and I'm sure you do that ADHD is a spectrum and some people really are impacted by it in a much more significant way than others. And also that it's timing. there are times in my life as in yours and probably our children where the ADHD kind of was a superpower and sometimes where it is that albatross, right?

So, one of the things about this podcast that I'm trying to do is recognize especially, and I think of my mom, who I always say is my avatar 'cause she didn't discover her ADHD until almost 77. And how I know that she looks back on her life and has so much grief over the things she didn't do or couldn't do because she never did get diagnosed.

 and my mom's brilliant, but didn't have the focus to stay in school. So she, quit college and she worked a lot of jobs and, so I'm, I love, Maya Angelou's "when you know better, you do better."

And that too, as a parent, like I was I didn't have the gold star kids. Like I, I wanted to keep the gold stars and the chore charts and the consistency and

and they couldn't do it, right? 

[00:26:33] Jamie: yeah. I do wanna I do wanna reiterate what you're just saying and really hone in on that because like we're both saying whether we have the guilt or not about any of it. Whether we're passing it on, whether we, whether like your mom having that regret of what should I hear a lot with my 40 plus clients.

Shoulda would've coulda if only I had known. If only I had known. And to me, you know now. 

[00:27:01] Jami: You know, now, so what are you gonna do with the information you have now? Mm-hmm. Because it does, you didn't know then and the past, I'm kind of that woo-woo with you, Jamie, and that past doesn't really exist.

[00:27:15] Jamie: And, we can try to look back, but that's not supporting anything in the present.

And so the more that we can say thank you for all the lessons that we've learned till now, and what can I do with 'em today it's the same way our brain works. Mm-hmm. Right. Our brain's just a prediction machine based on the sensory input inside and out, and the

 in our past memory. And so the more that we can give it memories of positivity, give it language of growth and moving forward, the more it just learns from what happened. 

Instead of beating us up and keeping us stuck. 

[00:27:50] Jami: Wow. I am loving this podcast. I wanna take a pause because I need to take a sip of water.

I wanna check in with you and I'm not shameless about my plug. this is a labor of love for me. I love getting this content out to people, but I also wanna make sure that they know about Silver Linings Transitions, which was the business that got all of this. Started and how they can learn more about me.

So you're gonna hear a little commercial for Silver Linings and for my coaching. And, and then of course, anybody who is listening to this podcast, I hope that you are enjoying it and please like it and share it because that's how we are. breaking down the stigma of ADHD when you get to meet people like the two Jamies on this podcast, and you get to realize, you can be an amazing, intelligent person who has it together in some areas and not in others.

And I I just, I love this too. 'cause like I said, I just took like a big aha, not to take Oprah's line but that was a big aha with, oh, I definitely need to work on that.

So we're gonna take a pause. Then the other thing, Jamie, that I like to do is I like to ask people the button question. And I got that from Penn Holderness last year at the conference when he said that, if he had the opportunity to push a button and not have ADHD, would he push the button?

 so we're gonna come back and answer that and then I'm gonna ask you a few questions that really relate more to our audience. So we're gonna take a pause, and we will be right back with Jamie Blume.

[00:29:19] Jami: I used to dread visiting my mother because of the clutter. The piles, the chaos. We all experienced clutter differently. For me, it was a source of anxiety and stress. I'd try to help and she'd get defensive. We were both frustrated and it was destroying our relationship. Then we discovered something that changed everything.

My mother had a DHD, and she'd been living with it undiagnosed for over 76 years. Suddenly it all made sense. The clutter wasn't laziness. The disorganization wasn't a choice. Her brain was wired differently and no amount of willpower or traditional organizing advice was ever going to work. That discovery became my life's work.

It's why I started. The grandma has a DHD podcast. It's why I became an A DHD coach and specialist, and it's why I am so passionate about helping women like my mother and maybe like you, because here's what I know, clutter affects us emotionally and physically. It damages relationships, it creates shame, spirals, and the overwhelm of not knowing where to start keeps you frozen.

But it's okay to ask for help. In fact, it's brave. If you are in the San Diego or Coachella Valley area, my team at Silver Linings Transitions can come to your home. We'll help you tackle the clutter with compassion, not judgment. I also work with women virtually through one-on-one A DHD coaching, and if you are overwhelmed with clutter.

I can connect you with trusted resources in your area. Visit Jamie shapiro.me to get started or grab my book. This explains so much on Amazon. My mother and I got our relationship back. You can get your piece back too. That's J-A-M-I-S-H-A-P-I-R o.me.

Moving can feel overwhelming. Whether you are downsizing, relocating, or helping a loved one transition. There are so many decisions to make, details to handle and emotions to navigate. At silver linings, transitions, we believe every move should be magical, not stressful. We are more than movers. We expertly guide you through the entire process and do our best to alleviate your concerns.

From the moment we meet, you'll feel comfortable because we will listen to your needs and wants and work together to create a personalized plan. That honors your memories and your cherished belongings while helping you embrace your next chapter. We visit your new space and create a detailed floor plan, ensuring your furniture and treasure belongings will fit safely.

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Hi, I'm Jamie Shapiro. I am an A DHD coach and the founder of Silver Linings Transitions, where we do home organizing and move management. And you know, I did not know that I had a DHD for years, and I remember personally hiring an organizing company to come in and help me because I could just never get it together.

And it really wasn't until I understood. A DHD and its impact that I realized why, and so I wrote a book. This explains so much understanding undiagnosed A DHD, because I just feel like there's so many answers that people don't even know that they're looking for, especially generations of women who. Grew up thinking that A DHD was just for the hyperactive little boy.

It turns out it's not only a body that can be hyperactive, but it can be a mind that's hyperactive. So you can have a wonderful day and you can have something wonderful happen. And then that one negative thing that happens is gonna be that thing that takes you into that spiral and it's gonna be keeping you up at night and you're gonna be ruminating on it.

And I think that, you know, we as women carry. So much shame and so much how it's supposed to be. I'm supposed to have it together and I remember that was the case for me. I, I remember how is it that all of these women have so much consistency and their kids get the sticker charts and everything seems to run well and I'm the one that's missing parent teacher conferences and my house, you know, is always in chaos.

And, and then again, that negative self-talk. So I, my mission is really to educate people who have no idea that A DHD has the impact that it does. And it's to connect you to other people who get it and who will make you feel that you aren't alone, you're not crazy, you're not lazy, you're not stupid, you're not too much.

You just have a brain that was wired differently and I can't wait for you to join me in the community that I'm building. The workshops that I'm creating, the book club that I'm hosting, because I know that I am going to make a profound difference in your life.

[00:36:05] Jami: So we are back with Jamie Blume, but before I have you answer the button question, you know how when you have ADHD, you might have, like this thought, that's an obtrusive thought and you can't get it out of your head, and sometimes you just have to ask the question.

It's about your name. I cannot say Jamie Blume without thinking of Judy Blume. I just, I cannot. 

[00:36:28] Jamie: It's so funny that you say that because I would say 90. 4% of the time I make a reservation or call someone to like book something or whatever, and I say, my name's Jamie Blume. And I go through all the things they'll say, okay, thank you Judy, all the time.

 and the other really funny story is my mother-in-law. I took my husband's name. My mother-in-law is actually named Judy Blume. No, she's not. She's not the Judy Blume. But when my daughter was growing up, I think she was in like 10th grade, she thought she was the Judy Blume. 

[00:37:04] Jami: So Judy Blume was like formative.

 we're close to the same age. Yeah, of course. If you did the, we must increase our bust, right? I did it not, and it worked out for me, 

[00:37:15] Jamie: not too much for me.

[00:37:20] Jami: Okay, so the button question, would you just do away with ADHD for yourself? 

[00:37:25] Jamie: No way! No way. There is no way. If I am where I am today because of,

because of my creativity, because of my love of life, because of my enthusiasm, my empathy, my curiosity. Sure, do I still lose my glasses or on the top of my head, yes, I still do that, but I've learned to create structure.

I've learned to create ways of doing my life so that I can get over the challenges that may come with ADHD, but I wouldn't be the entrepreneur. I wouldn't be the mom. I wouldn't be the friend. I wouldn't be the person that I am today if I did not have my ADHD 

[00:38:11] Jami: So I'm gonna ask you a question.

I don't think I've asked it before, but I just, I like it. I agree. I also would not push the button, but what is the thing about ADHD that you struggle with the most? 

[00:38:20] Jamie: Huh, that's a good question. Does technology count? I, well, I'm gonna say it this way, Jamie, if you would ask me that, probably eight years ago I would've said technology that I don't do technology.

Now I'm gonna say technology and I are learning to be friends, but I think the thing I struggle with the most is probably, organizing like files and that sort of thing in technology in instead of like on in paper. but so I create, so I now create systems so that I can do that better. 

[00:38:55] Jami: I think that you had asked me years ago, I think it would've been a different answer as well in terms of, as I was saying, the social piece. 

Yeah, so one of the things I actually learned in ADHD coaching, which I had never considered was an ADHD thing, was that we do struggle with technology. And I know for me, I want to plug it in.

I don't want to stop to read the directions. And so then what ends up happening is I've just plugged it in, but because I didn't properly set it up, at some point, I am going to struggle. And I learned that was a thing. Yeah, I agree. That wouldn't be the one that I would pick, but I was just curious, 

[00:39:32] Jamie: What would you pick?

[00:39:34] Jami: You know what, I would probably say the rejection sensitivity. 

 and that imposter syndrome, I really struggle with that. It's like I, I hear like my, my on paper, like I, you know, but then I still struggle and not realizing that was, and the phone, I absolutely cannot stand making phone sales calls.

And I, for a business owner that is tough. So I would say that. Thank you. I like answering the questions too. 

[00:40:00] Jamie: I, it's interesting that you talk about the rejection sensitivity because I think that for clients that come to coaching or for support in general, one of the biggest things that, that people struggle with is self-confidence and their self-concept and.

And their self-love. And what I will say as a coach, and you've probably heard me say this in class, Jami, is yes, we are helping our clients understand their ADHD, help them with tools and tricks and systems and structures to manage their everyday life, feel more confident in their social communication and all the things.

But I think at the base root of what I try to do in coaching, but what I believe everybody, we can do for each other is support people in their road to self-confidence and their road to self-love. Because if you have self-confidence and self love, you can do almost anything. 

[00:41:02] Jami: So I'm gonna challenge that because I really, I'm very proud of myself.

Like I, objectively I am, I and I do. Love myself. I really do, but I still don't like to not be liked. Definitely some work to do in that subject, so thank you for the personal coaching. so a couple I always ask my guests, so thank you, Jamie. If there were some questions that you would like me to ask and I always wanna make sure that I get into those questions.

 one of them you mentioned was ADHD and menopause. So, you know, share anything. 

[00:41:37] Jamie: Yeah. so why I brought that up and I was actually speaking on a, a menopause a podcast about menopause a couple months ago.

And one of the things that comes up quite a bit for clients who come to me, who are either premenopausal post or in menopausal or postmenopausal around that age is do I have met, do I have ADHD? Or do I have menopause? is this menopause and or both? And I think what happens is for a lot of women, especially who were under the radar, like you said, Jamie, they did fine in school.

They each buy, they may be masked socially, whatever it was. They don't realize the challenges of menopause can be very similar to the ones of ADHD. And for many people, this is for many women, this is a time where they actually get diagnosed. And so. Is it menopause? Is it ADHD? many times it's, yes, both and so I do strongly invite your, the clients who are listening or the viewers who are listening to this, who haven't been diagnosed, who are questioning to.

Maybe do think about getting a diagnosis just for their own understanding of self. And what I have found too is if you do know yes, even if you know or not that you have ADHD, once you get into menopause, the effects of menopause can create even more ADHD challenges. I hear a lot from clients.

I feel like somebody broke my brain because we know that when there's lower estrogen and neurophin that goes to the brain, the prefrontal cortex, which is our rational thought and executive function, part of our brain gets lowers. it's a, it's, the how it functions, its functionality. 

And so we have more brain fog, we have more overwhelm, we have more, inability to manage tasks, which in that overwhelm, then our amygdala, our emotional brain takes over and then we're leading from emotion than getting dysregulated.

And then things tend to even more so fall apart. 

[00:43:41] Jami: Absolutely. And then so how do you feel ADHD affects people in retirement? 

[00:43:48] Jamie: So I really appreciate this topic because I think people leave the workforce and all of a sudden there's more boredom for some, unless they're playing golf and skiing all day, like people here in Colorado seem to do, but there, there can be more boredom and because of that lack of structure that they got from work and kids, even if they weren't working, the lifestyle of having to deal with home and so forth without that lack of structure, these ADHD challenges come up. Spike as well. And so people again are saying, what's going on? Why am I all of a sudden experiencing all these increases in challenges that I didn't have before?

The other thing about retirement, when we talk about the financial piece. Is many people with ADHD even either haven't set themselves up successfully because they were more impulsive financially. they didn't have that temporal ability to see the future. And so they're not set up as well.

And so there can be more struggles then with finances. 

And and then finally socially, which is a big piece when people get older. And in their, in retirement, and maybe they're moving and they've already potentially struggled socially, and now they're put in a situation where they need to meet new people and put themselves out there, which can feel scary and feel overwhelming.

And so there can be a lot more experience with isolation. 

[00:45:19] Jami: Absolutely. One of the things that, I've learned with my work is the clutter actually can keep people socially isolated because they are embarrassed about their homes, and so they don't want people to come into their homes.

Then they stop accepting invitations to go to other people's homes. So that's one part of it. But I also learned that social anxiety and ADHD are very common co-occurrences. Can you talk a little bit more? Yeah. as she puts her fingers together, for anybody who is not watching but is listening, what can you tell us about that?

[00:45:49] Jamie: Yeah, so it's a huge co-occurrence. And if you think how that would prohibit you from, especially if you're going to a new environment, meeting new people, how that's going to prohibit you from making new friends or joining a new group, getting yourself out there.

And so when we know that those two things are hand in hand, we really, it's important to help. Help clients not only understand that this is social anxiety, but ways to to meet people that feel a little bit safer. So they, you, they may be doing things in smaller groups, they may be joining programs where they already know somebody.

They may be doing things that are, That they can feel more comfortable. So it may be in a, doing something that they feel good about. They play tennis, they feel really competent in tennis. Maybe they join a tennis team so that they're doing something. So something about it is more comfortable. The other thing that I wanna say though, about, about retirement and not having that structure, the cool thing about ADHD is because people.

Like to have some shiny new something going on. I, what I see is there's a, there's that second curve of, whether it's a second career or volunteer or second, something that goes on in many people with ad's lives because they end their. Their actual career and they retire and they're like, what's the next best?

 what's the next thing? What are we doing next? let's have something fun. And so they do tend to create an environment for themselves.

So that's the upside of the ADHD brain. 

[00:47:26] Jami: I am glad you brought up. Just as we're getting ready to close this I agree that we don't plan well for our future, for our retirement 'cause we're so focused on our now and not and our not now.

And just it's now. And that is definitely one of the reasons that I want to be getting this message out. So people will consider that one day you're going to be a senior with ADHD You know, be thinking about that. So I just wanted to highlight that. is there anything you didn't get to share?

I don't know about you, Jamie, but at the end of the day or the end of an interview, I'll be like, oh, I should have said that. 

[00:47:59] Jamie: I think what I would want to say is, wherever you are and whatever your experience, to really invite whoever's listening to have a lot of self-compassion and grace for wherever you are, and to allow yourself to dip your toe into whatever it is that feels a little challenging. Just to get that experience of being open to something new.

[00:48:28] Jami: And two, knowing that even if you fall down, even if it doesn't go as planned, there's always an opportunity to learn and grow and do it slightly differently that can blossom to something beautiful. That's great. I have so enjoyed having you. How can our listeners find you, Jamie Blume?

[00:48:49] Jamie: Yeah, so I'm on all the socials. I have a website alongtheirway.com. and I, would love to chat with anybody who just wants to know some more information about themselves or ADHD and how menopause perimenopause might affect. 

[00:49:04] Jami: Thank you. I think you really said exactly what I like to say when I end the conversation, which is, we have to approach this with compassion for ourselves.

Because here, because wherever you go, there you are, right? It's here we are. and I like to end by saying that I'm really committed to making your life. The best of your life, the rest of your life, the best of your life 'cause, because like you said to your about the guilt and everything like this is where we are.

So let's take it and go and build because you, especially when you have ADHD, we have so much that we can contribute. We're naturally curious, we're naturally creative. We tend to have great energy when we're inspired by something. anyway, I can't thank you enough, Jamie and look forward to communicating.

And now I'm just rambling and I can't find a good ending, so I'm just gonna close it, but say thank you. Thank you for listening. Thank you, Jamie, and thank you for the contribution that you made to me so that I can make that contribution to other people. 

[00:50:00] Jamie: Thanks, Jamie. Thanks for having me. 

[00:50:05] Speaker 8: The opinions expressed on Grandma has a DHD podcast are those of our guests and hosts and are intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. This podcast does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The content discussed in this episode is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Always seek the advice of your physician, mental health, professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a. Medical condition or mental health concern. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on this podcast.

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