Episode 86 - Feel Less Shitty About Yourself

In this episode of Grandma Has ADHD, Jami Shapiro sits down with ADHD coach Shelley Fritz for a refreshingly honest and grounded conversation about what it really means to live with ADHD, especially when you’ve spent years thinking your struggles were personal failures.

Together, Jami and Shelley talk about redefining success, setting realistic expectations, and finding ways to make life feel more manageable not by pushing harder, but by working with your brain.

This is a conversation about letting go of shame, lowering the bar in a meaningful way, and creating a life that actually feels good to live.

What You’ll Learn

• Why so many adults with ADHD believe their struggles are character flaws
• How late diagnosis can shift your entire self-perception
• The connection between ADHD, anxiety, and emotional dysregulation
• Why “feeling like a mess” is a common ADHD experience
• How to set smaller, achievable goals that build momentum
• Why defining your own version of success matters
• How guilt can block you from doing things you actually enjoy
• How ADHD shows up consistently across different life stages

Why This Matters

Many people with ADHD spend decades believing they are the problem. This episode is a reminder that the goal isn’t perfection, it’s feeling better, little by little.

When you begin to understand your brain and adjust your expectations, things can start to feel more manageable, and the weight of constant self-judgment can begin to lift.

The ADHD Button Question

Jami asks every guest: If there were a button that could remove your ADHD forever, would you press it?

Shelley’s answer is no.

While ADHD has brought challenges, it has also shaped who she is — and understanding it has allowed her to move from frustration toward acceptance and growth.

About the Guest

Shelley Fritz is an ADHD coach and former special education teacher with over 20 years of experience working with students with learning differences. After discovering her own ADHD later in life, she transitioned into coaching adults, helping them build routines, manage time, and better understand their brains in a supportive, non-judgmental space.

About the Host

Jami Shapiro is an ADHD coach, speaker, and founder of Silver Linings Transitions. Through her podcast Grandma Has ADHD, she brings awareness to ADHD in older adults, especially women, helping listeners better understand their brains and navigate life with more clarity and compassion.

Resources

• Your ADHD Path: https://youradhdpath.com 
• This Explains So Much by Jami Shapiro
• Allow Me To Interrupt by Dr. Gilly Kahnshell
• ADHD coaching and support resources

Links & Support

• Website: https://www.jamishapiro.me
• Silver Linings Transitions: Support for downsizing, organizing, and life transitions
• Book: This Explains So Much by Jami Shapiro

Thank you for joining us for this episode of Grandma Has ADHD! We hope Jami's journey and insights into ADHD shed light on the unique challenges faced by older adults. Stay tuned for more episodes where we’ll explore helpful resources, share personal stories, and provide guidance for those navigating ADHD. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this podcast with friends who might benefit. Remember, Make the rest of your life the best of your life.

Follow us:

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@grandma_has_adhd
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Silver Linings Transitions
Grandma Has ADHD (Facebook Page & Group)

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Transcript

 Hi, I'm Jamie Shapiro and welcome to Grandma Has ADHD. I'm a certified senior move manager and owner of Silver Linings Transitions, where I help people navigate life's big transitions. But here's the thing, I spent years helping families move through change while completely missing the pattern that was running through my own life.

I'm the daughter of two ADHD parents, the mother of three ADHD children, and yep, I have ADHD too. For years, I didn't have the language or understanding for what that meant. But becoming an ADHD coach and specialist, that's been absolutely game changing. Not just for how I work with my clients, but for how I relate to my family and honestly, for how I understand myself.

I even wrote a book about it called This Explains So Much. This podcast is for all of us who are discovering ADHD later in life. Each week, I bring you conversations with industry experts and people sharing their own ADHD journeys, real stories, real strategies, and often a little too much information. If you're loving what you're hearing, please share this podcast, leave us a review, and find me at jamieshapiro.me.

That's

J-A-M-I-S-H-A-P-I-R-O.me. Whether you're over 50 and just getting diagnosed, or you're recognizing patterns you've lived with your whole life, this is your space to navigate ADHD with others who get it. So grab your coffee and get comfortable and let's dive in. I

Hey, here's a quick heads up before we dive in. You may hear me mention the Sparkler Society in this episode. Talking about it, it's happening right now. And here's the truth. My ADHD brain got so excited about this community that I may have jumped a little bit enthusiastically, a lot enthusiastically before everything was actually ready.

Classic ADHD move, right? We know what that's like. So here's what's actually happening. We've hit pause to make sure the Sparkler Society launches the right way, because this is going to change lives, and I want it to be everything you deserve from day one. We're officially launching in July of 2026, and here's what you can look forward to.

Live group sessions every week, including support around decluttering and downsizing, body doubling, and ADHD grid coaching. We are also addressing some of the big challenges of ADHD, worrying overspending, and starting crafts only to lose steam. Membership in the Sparkler Society is going to save you from paying the ADHD tax.

We're talking real dollars back in your pocket. And most importantly, we are building a community of women who want to get their shit together, together. Here's the exciting part. We're starting a wait list right now at jamieshapiro.me. That's

J-A-M-I-S-H-A-P-I-R-O.me. And the VIPs who join early will get free access to shape the community before we officially launch in July. You'll help us build this thing together. So if you hear me talking about the Sparkler Society, it's happening tomorrow, just know it's coming in July, and it's going to be worth the wait.

Let's get to today's episode.

I'm thrilled to welcome today's guest, Shelly Fritz. Shelly is an ADHD coach who knows this journey from the inside out because she has ADHD herself. After 21 years as a special education teacher, working with students who had learning disabilities, behavioral disorders, autism spectrum, and lots of kids with ADHD, Shelly had a realization.

She was less interested in teaching reading, writing, and math, and more interested in helping kids understand their brains and feel better about themselves. She became a mindset coach and encourager for her students. But here's where things got interesting. In all those parent conferences, she kept hearing the same things.

This is how I learned in school. I had these same problems, and I still do. I wish someone would help me set goals, stay on track, and cheer me on. Parents wanted the same support their kids were getting, but there was nowhere for adults to turn. So, Shelly took her two master's degrees in special education, earned her life coaching certification, and became an ADHD coach in 2018.

Now, she creates programs that leverage our strengths and interests using creative and fun strategies to help adults with ADHD build routines, manage time and projects, and understand their unique brains. And she does it all in a space of safety and non-judgment. Whew. Let's welcome Shelly Fritz to Grandma Has ADHD.

You probably hear this a lot, but your bio reads like someone with ADHD. 

Oh, yes. I'm sure that it does. Absolutely. And thank you for having me. I'm so glad to be here today. 

Yeah, you're welcome. How does it feel when you hear that, that bio being read? 

Well, it's funny because I've ... Here's such an ADHD thing.

I've written so many bios for so many places and put out so many things. I actually think that one describes things pretty well, in terms of giving people a glimpse into where I come from and what it is that I do. So, yeah, but it did sound like a person with ADHD, for sure. 

Yeah. That's what I love about this is when I get these bios and I did this and then I did this, I have this certification, and yet there's this, oh, you can't have ADHD because you're smart or you finished college, right?

Oh, 

right. That is such a frustrating thing when you, when people hear that, I think. And it happens so often to women who get diagnosed later in life, 

right? Mm-hmm. So speaking of that, I would love to hear your own ADHD journey and how you ended up doing what you're doing now. 

Yeah. I would say that for the first 40 or so years of my life, I thought I was a mess.

 I knew I was scattered, I was flighty, I was chronically late, I was messy, all of those things. And I, honest to goodness, just attributed them all to failures of character, right? 

 I 

was lazy. I couldn't get things done. But I was smart and I was a people pleaser and I was a girl. 

 I made it through school without big problems.

Nobody really noticed what was going on. I noticed, but nobody else really did. And then I became a school teacher and had a lot of those struggles. I can think back to days of writing, IEPs and constantly putting them off to the last minute. I can remember pulling all nighters, trying to write my IEPs and things like that for my students.

And then I was learning more about ADHD for a couple reasons. First, my students had a lot of it going on and my biological kiddos were both struggling with what appeared to be ADHD symptoms. And this is all happening at the same time. And I went away to a conference in California. I'm in Peoria, Illinois.

Okay. And I went away to a week-long conference to learn about executive function skills and, strategies for dealing with those things in the classroom. And I'll never forget, I was in this big conference room with a lot of teachers, and we were going through these symptoms, right? Traits and symptoms of ADHD.

And I was nodding along, she was talking about, I'm kind of going oh." And then she said, "Difficulty regulating emotions." 

The piece I forgot to tell you was that in my 30s, like so many women in America, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, right? Isn't that so classically how that works?

And I saw that piece about the emotional dysregulation and I think my jaw dropped, right? 

Cause it, I had never put that together- 

mm-hmm. ... 

with ADHD. And I, I sat up and I looked around the room and everybody was paying attention except one other woman who was doing the exact same thing I was. Like we were both like, "Wait a minute, I know these symptoms, right?

I know what's going on here." and it absolutely kind of clicked. I actually called my daughter that night who was in high school and she was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and ADHD. And I said, "I'm so excited. I think maybe we only have one thing and not all these things." I think it's the ADHD that's causing all this other stuff- 

in both of us.  And then I read Sari Sultan's book, Women with Attention Disorder Attention Deficit Disorder, which was life-changing as I just kept seeing myself more. 

and mentioned to my therapist kind of what I was learning and thinking. And I kid you not, I saw my first ever real life spit take when he realized that I wasn't diagnosed.

It turns out that he had just assumed that I had an ADHD diagnosis. I 

heard that actually. 

So he marched me down the hall to the psychiatrist on the floor and sat me down and we got that taken care of. So yeah, I was in my 40s and it was related to looking at ADHD through a lens of my students and my biological kids and finally realizing that all those things that I thought summed me up as like, I'm a mess.

That was the- 

 ... 

right? That was the phrase that I used, "I'm a mess." 

I'm not a mess. 

Not a mess. My brain works differently and it works spectacularly and it does not always fit well into what people expect from me, right? 

Oh, yes. As I, as you see me nodding my head the whole time. 

Yeah. 

Yeah.

I've been reading Dr. Gilly Khan's book. It's, I'm almost done with it and it's called Allow Me to Interrupt and it's all about emotional dysregulation. And, even to this day, I'm an ADHD coach as well, and I've been doing this podcast for almost two years, and I've written a book, and even in her book, I learned something.

Wow. She was saying that, about 50% of people with ADHD struggle with substance abuse, but about 88% struggle with behavior addiction, or I'm sorry, substance addiction versus behavior addiction. And she listed, of course, video gaming and social media and impulsive spending that, the usual things that you would expect, but then she said overworking.

And I was like, "Oh, that's me. That's me. " Like- 

Yeah. Yeah. 

 I feel like we're like archeologists, like discovering this- Love that. Right? I mean- Yeah. ... every day, and that's what I love about doing this podcast, they say that if you wanna learn something, host a podcast, because I take little bits and pieces, I won't remember your face- 

Yeah.

or your, 

but I will remember that little thing that you said because of our society. 

Right. Yeah, absolutely. 

Yeah. So that was how I got to my diagnosis. And then, in the bio that you shared, describes how I got into the coaching aspect, right? I was teaching at this little school and starting in, it was 2016 and I'll never forget, I had a parent say, "I love what you, I love what you do for my kids.

I wish somebody would do that for us." And I literally said, "Me too." Right? And then in 2017, somebody said it again and I said, "Me too." Right? Because this was all kind of right when I was getting my diagnosis and I was figuring myself out and I needed help. 

And then in 2018, I said, "Okay, apparently this is what I'm supposed to do.

And so I quit teaching and started working with adults- 

 ... 

in such the same way that I worked with kids, right? Because I really think it's all the same thing. Oh. It's all about understanding our brain. It's all about finding ways to make plans that kind of fit with the rhythms of our lives so that things move in a way that makes sense for us.

And no matter where you are in life, it's the same set of goals and things that we're working on. 

It's funny that you say that because I was talk- talking to somebody about business and we had a meeting and he actually didn't know anything about my ... So my main business is separate from this ADHD stuff.

This is just my hyper focus and passion. my main business is, it's called Silver Linings Transitions and we provide move management and home organizing, which is how I get into the ADHD thing in San Diego. So I was talking to him about silver linings. The ADHD thing wasn't part of it, and he apologizes to me because he's late for the call and he says, "I'm so sorry, I had a horrible morning with my son, he's always late."

And of course that g- and then he says something about ADHD and that turned into me, coaching him on how to be more successful with his son. And then he said, "Can you coach?" And I said, "I'm actually not trained to coach children. I haven't gone through that level and so I don't feel like I can, in good conscience, charge you and be your ADHD coach, but I will give you some pointers about how you can work with your son."

And we get off the call and he's "Thank you so ... " Because to your point, there are some things that are similar in the way. and actually that leads me to, I always ask my guests if they can help me out by giving me some questions that I should ask them. And you actually did mention that you've worked with clients from age five to 75, and I, you asked me to ask you, what do you see that stays the same or changes over the years?

So that is like, I couldn't have teed it up any better. 

Yeah. honestly, it's, for me, it's mostly things that stay the same. And I always tell clients in my first session that part of my goal in a discovery call is to make sure that people get to know me and how I function and my personality, because I know that I'm not everybody's cup of tea, but I'm really upfront about the fact that I was a teacher for a long time.

And I think that with ADHD, we do so much better when we, when things are visual, when our systems are visual and our routines are visual and our, the way that we track our successes are visual. And I very often joke with clients and say, "Okay, I'm gonna send..." Today, I sent two different clients a package of golden star stickers really and truly we're putting gold star stickers in our planners, right?

And I, laugh and I always tell people that I think that silly sticks- ... like things are a little bit silly, I think 

 ... 

we hold onto a little bit better. But I think that at the end of the day, so much of that is the same. In second grade, it's gonna be stars on little chore charts at 30 and 40 and 50, sometimes it's putting little stickers in our planners or keeping tallies on the fridge, but we need ways for our brain to, to visually see I'm being successful and I'm aware of what's going on or we need things in our planners no matter what we're doing, whether we're a high powered

 I've got clients who work at the Pentagon, I've got clients who work just in these crazy high powered jobs, but also I've got retired clients and all of us from the high school student to the retired client, we have to find a way to make time more concrete so that we can decide what we want our days to look like, not in a super over-committed planner type A, I've gotta cram as many things into a day as I can.

Oh, that's what I do. 

No. 

 I know. I'm working on that. 

Yeah. And what I really want is for people to understand that we do need to use a planner or something like that. it looks different for different people. But we've gotta find a way to say, if tomorrow's gonna be a good day, if tomorrow's gonna be the kind of day I wanna have, what's that gonna look like?

And if I map it out today, it's gonna go better tomorrow, no matter where you are and what age you are and what you're doing. 

I love that. I actually, I call it future Jamie, and I've learned the hard way that if I don't put all of the details into my calendar when I made the reservation, when I booked the flight, the confirmation that, then that later Jamie is gonna struggle to find the details.

And I'm gonna spend so much time and effort, but also I'm gonna raise my cortisol level and my stress level, so what can I do for future Jamie? And it is, it has been, like, really game changing. That's definitely one of the things that's come out of my ADHD awareness. 

Yeah. I love that. And then also, something that I've been saying a lot lately and putting in some of my stuff, whatever you were mentioning when I said filling up your calendar and doing all the things and you said that sounded like you.

I think that there's absolutely a place for, peak performance coaches, but I also tell people during that first call that if you wanna make a billion dollar business or you wanna climb Mount Everest, that's great and I will cheer you on, but I am not the coach for you. 

I really focus on clients who are feeling who are just struggling, who are just feeling icky about how things are going.

And I joke that I only have three goals for all of my clients, and those are to be a little bit more productive- 

 ... 

so we can do some of the things we love- 

 ... 

and feel less shitty about ourselves. 

Oh, I 

love that. that's it. We're not gonna be ultra productive. You're not gonna never feel bad about yourselves because we are, we've spent so long with ADHD and a lot of us with it not being diagnosed for a long time, I'm not magically never gonna feel bad about myself, but my goal is for us to feel less bad and for things to be just a little bit easier.

I loved, I actually wrote that down. So when people talk, I'm like, "Oh, what could be the title of this podcast?" And I'm like, "Feel much about yourself." that really says it. Yeah. It really does. So what would you say to somebody who is espe- okay, keeping in mind that the majority of my audience are coming to this conversation, they're tired kicking a lot of them.

 they have no formal diagnosis- Yeah. ... but the pieces are starting to make sense and they're like, "Huh, right?" Or they have a grandchild or a child that's been dying. And so we are at the advantage because we had children that were diagnosed and so we're able to, a lot of us are learning through our own children, but our mothers didn't have that advantage because we were not the generation that was diagnosed.

Absolutely. so keeping in mind that a lot of these people are coming to this conversation, like my mom is, I say she's my avatar, but like just really beating herself up for years, what do you say to those people? 

 I love it when those people show up, right? And the first thing I say is that in terms of kind of the coaching strategies that I would use, and I think most ADHD coaches would use, I don't care if you have a diagnosis or not, right?

Like that's not relevant. It's relevant if you want to be, to get medication, which is a whole different issue with people in that age group. I recently aged out of my Vyvanse, my insurance stopped covering it the day I turned 56.

I have to tell you, because I just went to the APSARD conference, which is, American Professional Society of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But it was all doctors. 

Yeah. 

And and my mom had been told the same thing that her doctor said they don't give medication to seniors and, I actually have interviewed Maggie Alexander.

That is not true, by the way. Yeah. Just 

so you know. I know. I'm, I'm in the middle of fighting that one, but anyway All right. When it comes to the people who come to my door, yeah, the medication part doesn't a- affect what I do. The things that I really encourage people is first of all again, I joke that I'm the queen of s- of low bars, right?

 I think that the way, one of the ways that we can feel better about ourselves is setting, starting off by setting some really small goals and meeting them, right? And so in the beginning, I really have clients picking two or three things that are easy. We're not trying to do hard things, we're not trying to do big things, we're trying to build the muscle of, I decided that tomorrow I was going to water my plants and call my Aunt Ruth, right?

 and getting in the habit of making a plan- ... and following through with the plan, and it doesn't have to be a big plan. You get to decide what success is. We all get to decide what success is for ourselves, right? 

And so if all you want is for your house to be neat enough that you can manage your way through it, not so that Martha Stewart can come and wipe a white glove on it- 

 and you really wish you could start, getting together with a friend every once in a while those are great goals and you get to decide that success looks like this. success doesn't mean that I'm cooking a seven course meal every night for my husband. It doesn't mean that everything is spot on.

I've got to take care of my medical stuff. I've got to be able to function in my home and then I've got to find ways to do things that fill me up- 

 ... 

and that I can enjoy. Because I think all of us often don't do things we enjoy, not because we're busy doing things we should be doing, but because we're busy feeling guilty that we're not doing the things we should be doing.

Ding, 

ding, ding, ding, 

ding. 

Uh-huh. 

So I don't go to a movie with my family on Friday night because I need to be doing laundry. I'm not doing the laundry, right? Right. But I'm feeling guilty that I'm not doing the laundry, so I don't let myself go out, right? and so I think that happens a lot.

I've got a retired client right now who there's all these things she wants to do, but she also feels like she needs to be organizing some paperwork in her office. so she's not letting herself do these fun things because she feels bad. So by making a plan where we're doing little tiny steps, not organize the office- 

but find 10 papers that you can throw away, oh, now I can let my brain move on- 

... 

right? Because it's a block is what it is. 

So I can unlock some of those blocks that then let me do the things that I wanna be doing. 

 specifically thing. 

Sorry. There's my ... Allow me to interrupt. You're good.

No, but you said something that I really wanted to highlight. And so I used to be the person that would invite people over to motivate me to clean, right? Yes. And so I've actually, started the Sparkler Society, which is a membership-based community for, women like us who, want the support of other people, want to feel the connection.

And one of the things that I'm trying to do is to say, "Hey, why don't you just accept yourself for who you are, let your friends know, hey, organizing is not my specialty, so when you come over, you're gonna see shit on my dining room table." Yeah. Right? And let's just be who we are and that's one of the advantages I'm finding to having other friends who also have ADHD, because we just laugh about it.

And, one of the biggest ... So because I work predominantly with older adults I'd never realized the connection with clutter and social isolation, but what happens is people don't wanna have people in their home because they're embarrassed, well, then they stop accepting invitations because they can't reciprocate.

And so I'm like, forget it, just like, here I am, you know? 

That was one of the things in Sorry Solden's book, that first book that I read, and that was one of the things that I read, that exact thing that my ADHD made my house messy, which meant I didn't invite people over, which means people didn't invite me over, which leads to things that look like depression.

And not to say that the depression and anxiety isn't real. I'm not dismissing those as real things, but I think that a lot of it was that, that social isolation- 

 ... 

because of things that stemmed from the ADHD. And by the way, I think most of us have houses that are messier than we admit, right?

Don't you? I think most of us, if we could just all say, "Come on over, this is what it looks like, " I think our friends would appreciate it. 

I've started to do more and more of that, and I'm posting it like, "Oh, I'm about to have Thanksgiving watches, I shove everything." I do like to have a clean countertop when people walk into my house, because I'm putting all of the food on, as a grazing table now, so- Yeah.

but now I'm like, watch me shove it all into the closet, and then maybe I'll remember to take it out. In fact, this is really funny, I had to move some things around, and I went into my, my my coat closet to, to, op- empty the space, and I realized that I had stuck the basket of fruits and vegetables that I keep on my where this is going.

Yeah. So I pull it out and now we have like rotten limes. I'm just glad they didn't get, fruit flies. And- but yeah, let's just let it all ... I will say, I actually do have two friends with ADHD who are perfectionists- Oh. ... and their houses are immaculate. And there's this misconception that it's the clutter or whatever, but it isn't always.

 they're perfectionist and overdrive. And so for me, one of the things that I have noticed, and I'm now trying to work on this, is that productivity, I feel guilty if I'm not using ... Like I don't like to listen to nonfiction because I'm not being productive with my time, or I tended to overschedule myself beca- and now I'm like sitting back and being, okay, right?

I know, I'm getting the no, no, no. So, even for me- Yeah. ... i'm discovering so much of ADHD's impact in- Yeah. ... the way that I function. It's 

such a social trap. Don't you think that we've been so badly conditioned that being busy all the time is the goal or is what we're supposed to be working towards?

Yeah. Yeah, that's really frustrating. And it, but I think it does impact a lot of us. And I think that those kinds of things when you have ADHD, I think we all live under that kind of umbrella of pressure. 

And then when you have ADHD and everything's a little bit harder and takes a little bit longer, it just impacts us so much worse.

And it can just lead into that spiral, right? 

Of, 

I'm just late, but now all of a sudden everything spiraled into, I'm a mess, right? Yeah. That we have to avoid. 

So can I throw a curveball question at you that you may not be expecting and you can- Sure. ... yes or no, but this is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna ask you the question and then we're gonna go to pause and all you're gonna do is tell me whether or not you feel comfortable answering it and then we'll go over it.

Okay. Okay? 

Yep. 

So as we now know, ADHD does not exist in a vacuum, which means that you have it, your children have it, and likely a parent has it. Yes. okay. So that is where I wanna come back. I wanna come back and talk to you about maybe having been raised by an undiagnosed ADHD parent. So we're gonna pause.

Yeah. 

If you are list- well, you are listening to this podcast. If you are liking this podcast, I would love it if you would, leave a review and sh- please share it because we are very slowly growing, but it is what is going to help us de- stigmatize ADHD and be able to just say to someone, "Come on over, I've got ADHD."

And it's just absolutely no big deal. So we're gonna come right back and I'm going to see if Shelly is willing to answer the question that I just threw at her.

I used to dread visiting my mother. Because of the clutter, the piles, the chaos, we all experienced clutter differently. For me, it was a source of anxiety and stress. I'd try to help and she'd get defensive. We were both frustrated and it was destroying our relationship. Then we discovered something that changed everything.

My mother had ADHD and she'd been living with it undiagnosed for over 76 years. Suddenly, it all made sense. The clutter wasn't laziness. The disorganization wasn't a choice. Her brain was wired differently, and no amount of willpower or traditional organizing advice was ever going to work. That discovery became my life's work.

It's why I started The Grandma Has ADHD podcast. It's why I became an ADHD coach and specialist. And it's why I am so passionate about helping women like my mother and maybe like you. Because here's what I know. Clutter affects us emotionally and physically. It damages relationships, it creates shame spirals, and the overwhelm of not knowing where to start keeps you frozen.

But it's okay to ask for help. In fact, it's brave. If you're in the San Diego or Coachella Valley area, my team at Silver Linings Transitions can come to your home, will help you tackle the clutter with compassion, not judgment. I also work with women virtually through one-on-one ADHD coaching, and if you are overwhelmed with clutter, I can connect you with trusted resources in your area.

Visit JamieShapiro.me to get started or grab my book, This Explains So Much on Amazon. My mother and I got our relationship back. You can get your piece back too. That's

J-A-M-I-S-H-A-P-I-R-O.me.

Moving can feel overwhelming, whether you're downsizing, relocating, or helping a loved one transition. There are so many decisions to make, details to handle, and emotions to navigate. At Silver Linings Transitions, we believe every move should be magical, not stressful. We're more than movers. We expertly guide you through the entire process and do our best to alleviate your concerns.

From the moment we meet, you'll feel comfortable because we will listen to your needs and wants and work together to create a personalized plan that honors your memories and your cherished belongings while helping you embrace your next chapter. We visit your new space and create a detailed floor plan, ensuring your furniture and treasured belongings will fit safely.

We handle the logistics so you don't need to worry about anything, from sorting and packing, to coordinating the sale and donation of unwanted items. Our professional team uses efficient, eco-friendly bins and handles every detail with care. We coordinate with our vetted moving partners, oversee the logistics, and ensure nothing is left behind.

Even packing your refrigerator items. Here's where the magic happened. We don't just unpack. We recreate the feeling of home. Using photos from your previous space, we thoughtfully arrange your furniture, hang your pictures, and set up your kitchen and bathroom so everything feels familiar from day one.

When you walk into your new space, it's not just moved in, it's home. Your coffee pot is ready, your favorite photos are perfectly placed, your bed is made, and your new chapter begins with comfort and joy instead of chaos. This is how Silver Linings Transitions makes, moves magical. We handle the emotional lifting and the logistics so you can focus on what matters most, settling into your new home.

Because every move deserves a silver lining.

Hi, I'm Jamie Shapiro. I am an ADHD coach and the founder of Silver Linings Transitions, where we do home organizing and move management. And, you know, I did not know that I had ADHD for years, and I remember personally hiring an organizing company to come in and help me because I could just never get it together.

And it really wasn't until I understood ADHD and its impact that I realized why. And so I wrote a book, this explains so much, understanding undiagnosed ADHD, because I just feel like there's so many answers that people don't even know that they're looking for, especially generations of women who grew up thinking that ADHD was just for the hyperactive little boy.

It turns out it's not only a body that can be hyperactive, but it can be a mind that's hyperactive. So you can have a wonderful day and you can have something wonderful happen and then that one negative thing that happens is gonna be the thing that takes you into that spiral and it's gonna be keeping you up at night and you're gonna be ruminating on it.

And I think that, you know, we as women carry so much shame and so much how it's supposed to be. I'm supposed to have it together. And I remember that was the case for me. I, I remember how is it that all of these women have so much consistency and their kids get the sticker charts and everything seems to run well.

And I'm the one that's missing parent teacher conferences and my house, you know, is always in chaos. And, and then again, that negative self-talk. So I, my mission is really to educate people who have no idea that ADHD has the impact that it does. And it's to connect you to other people who get it and who will make you feel that you aren't alone, you're not crazy, you're not lazy, you're not stupid, you're not too much.

You just have a brain that was wired differently. And I can't wait for you to join me in the community that I'm building, the workshops that I'm creating, the book club that I'm hosting, because I know that I am going to make a profound difference in your life.

So we are back. I left you, with the question about, I, as I said, ADHD doesn't exist in a vacuum, and if Shelly has it and her children has it, have it, then probably she, comes from a family with it as well.

And so Shelly, are you okay answering that question? 

Yeah, I am. Okay. and I'll talk about my mom. I think that my mom does not have a diagnosis of ADHD and she certainly doesn't have all of the characteristics that we think of with ADHD, but there's no question that she has some, right?

She definitely has, we joke about her losing things, for example, which I think is one of those kind of characteristics- 

... 

That we have. We joke about, ... Whoops, I'm so sorry about that. We joke about ... Welcome to 

an ADHD podcast. 

Welcome to What do you know? Yeah, we definitely joke about some of the kind of stereotypical sorts of things, the sometimes remembering, sometimes not having

This is getting worse, which I think is significant that I think this is getting to ... We're more aware of this as she's aging a little bit, and I think that combination of ADHD and aging is a, is an interesting overlap, right? 

Absolutely. But definitely some inhibition has always been a little weaker impulse control perhaps.

Yeah. Ooh, sorry, mom. I know you're listening. but it's okay, right? I have to 

name her. only 

the people that was- I know. But, I do think that there probably that she can look and say, "Oh, here are some ways in which ADHD impacts me. " Now, mom was a stay-at-home mom for most of her life and was a wonderful mom and took great care of us and all that kind of stuff.

But I do think one of the things that impacts how we are impacted by ADHD is what's going on in our lives, right? 

And that the more things you're trying to juggle, the harder it is on us. And so I think that one of the things, not just with my mom, but I think moms of her generation was there was, certainly this isn't, I don't mean this as a blanket statement, but often they weren't trying to juggle a job and the house and the ch- right?

They weren't trying to juggle as many things as a lot of us are today. We are just juggling like crazy. And I think that like our mom's generation sometime, for a good chunk wasn't trying to juggle as much. And so it was a little bit easier to keep the balls in the air- 

 ... 

right?

When things were, you could make things pretty stable and probably accommodate some for yourself without even realizing that was what was happening. But yeah, I definitely, there's definitely a bit of ADHD that I suspect is trickling all over the family, right? Yeah. Absolutely. 

Turn 

this puppy off here.

It is the biggest ADHD little mess I'm making, sorry. 

 we and my family were popping up with cousins and we're, it's everywhere. Yeah. it's funny, I had someone on my podcast who I asked him the same question and he said, "Oh, neither of my parents had ADHD." And I said, "Well, did either of your parents smoke?"

He goes, "Oh, my mom smoked like a chimney." I'm like, "Well, that would've, masked ADHD symptoms." Yeah. So. 

Yeah. And I definitely, by the way, had all of those. I smoked, I chew my fingernails, I overeat like crazy. So all of those things that a lot of people use that, that are related, probably that we didn't realize were related definitely come through at my point in this generational piece.

Yeah. 

 Fun. 

It is interesting to look at. 

So with all of that being said, one of the questions that I normally ask at the pause that I am gonna just ask you now, is the button question. Were you at the, International ADHD conference when Penn Holderness spoke? 

Oh, that's the one I missed.

I've been to the last four and I missed Penn. I missed that year. 

Okay. So he asked, he basically says that, if he had been asked if he could push a button and not have ADHD, would he push the button? So I stole it from pen holderness and, who stole it from Staples. Would you push a button and not have ADHD?

I, I have given zero thought to this question and I'm gonna say no. 

Good. 

 I spent a lot of years frustrated with who I am. 

But the truth is, I love who I am. 

And really yeah, I think that I can't imagine and maybe that's, I just can't even imagine the kind of life that might have been different.

There are some places in my life and some moments in my life that, wow, if I could have just zapped some good emotion, some good, executive function skills into place I could have saved myself some real hardship, right? 

Yeah. 

But as a whole, I would not push a button- 

Nice. ... and make 

it. So 

to your point, I wish that I had known when I had young children and was trying to maintain a household because I think I would've set better systems in place and recognized my inconsistency or recognized that I wasn't gonna remember.

My kids could literally move my car. They could drive it at night and move it knowing that I would have no idea- Yeah. ... if they had moved it. and then they told me this. I'm like, "Well, you were really lucky to have an ADHD mom, weren't you? " You know? Yeah. But,

We had a great school secretary who used to call me and say, "You didn't send in the permission slip again.

Would you like me to go ahead and sign it for you? " Oh, wow. Because I was, that's the, that's what I was doing, right? And I would've, you're right. If I had known, I would've reached out for support, I think. If I had known it was a thing and not just me being a mess- 

Yep. ... 

I think I would've reached out and tried to find some better support and systems.

Did you ever miss a parent-teacher conference? 

Oh, I, there is not a screw-up with my kids that I didn't make. in fairness, I taught at the school they attended. Okay. So that one, I probably didn't actually miss parent conferences because, you could come drag me down. 

Got it. But, 

Just across the board, I made all the mistakes.

I have huge, regrets about some parenting. Also, when I see things on social media that say "You have to get yourself emotionally regulated bef- before you parent and, like accusing parents who aren't well emotionally regulated of failing." And it makes me sad because I was not emotionally regulated.

Me neither. 

But it, I have no idea how it was supposed to have been in my control when I didn't even understand- 

 ... 

that I wasn't regulated. Like I didn't have the first clue why I couldn't- 

 ... 

not blow up sometimes, right? Or not- 

 so how I was gonna fix that, I just don't even know.

And so it makes me, it makes my heart hurt when I see people make comments about, "Oh, you shouldn't be parenting if you can't control your own emotions." And I'm like, "Oh, you must, things must've been a little bit simpler for you, not easier." Things must've been a little bit simpler to say it that way.

Absolutely. And then truthfully, if you have ADHD, there's a strong chance you're gonna have at least a child with ADHD, and then there's no vanilla in that parenting, I will say this. Yeah. Right 

now. And one of mine was extreme, inattentive and one was extreme hyperactive. So we just had, the gamut in our house.

 I'm combined type. My father is hyperactive and my mother is inattentive. I'm sorry, presentation. I've learned to say presentation- ... because it can change. Okay. So one of the questions that you asked me, and I definitely wanna make sure that I ask you is you said you spend time in senior communities with drum rhythm programs.

What have you learned from that about seniors or about how these programs might intersect with ADHD? 

Yeah. at the same time that I was becoming a coach, I went to a drum circle in our town, just, I felt drawn. I had no musical background. I've nothing ... It, I just felt drawn and I loved it. And then my therapist office was offering drumming for anxiety relief.

 And I went a couple times and I thought to myself, "Oh, I could do this. I could lead this. This is my jam." And so I found a training and I spent a week in Colorado with Christine Stevens getting certified as a health rhythms empowerment drumming facilitator. So this isn't like drum set rock band drumming, this is hand drumming- 

on, mostly gembay drums, the big wooden African drums. 

And I came back and I just started reaching out to local senior centers, nursing homes, retirement communities, and I would lug all my drums, I would lug 20 full size big, heavy wooden drums, and a big tub full of tambourines and moroccas and bells and all sorts of goodies.

And we would do these rhythm exercises and I loved it because, it's something everybody can do. even people with limited mobility, I had bells we could strap to your to your wrist. so we could get everybody involved- using some sort of accommodations if we needed to in places that were more nursing facilities.

And the places that were more retirement communities, we'd get people up and dancing in the middle of the drum circles. And the research behind drumming and brain health- 

 ... 

is just huge. There's so much that rhythm is good for our brains. and it's meditative, it lowers cortisol levels and other stress hormone kinds of things.

And the community part, the socialization is really important, especially when you're older and maybe tend to not get out and as engaged as you used to. It's a super easy way to show up. You don't need any talent, you don't need any skill. I bring the drums, you don't need any equipment. It's good physically, even if all you're doing is just like a steady beat.

If that's more movement than you would be doing sitting on your sofa, watching TV, then it gets a little bit of extra health and we know that health and mental yeah, are all like really well-related, right? So the healthier, we've got movement, we've got our blood flow happening, we're interacting with other people.

 It's great because when you're keeping a rhythm, you're having to pay attention, you're having to notice things, you're having to focus. 

Yeah. 

There's just so much built in and it's fun and we laugh and it really was part of when I started working and my clientele just varies. I'm all over the place.

But whenever I would work with, retired clients especially, my experience with the drumming really pushed me towards encouraging people to get involved with things, whatever they were, right? That was the main thing is if I had clients who said, "Oh, there's nothing for me to go out and do. Oh, I don't need to be out and doing things."

 I don't have anything I'm good at. Like, are you kidding me? You can show up and drum and all you've got to do is keep a little bit of a rhythm. So I'm a, it makes me such a believer that it's never too late to learn new things. I had somebody at a nursing home once say to me, she was, apostolic Christian, which is a pretty conservative group here.

And she, did the drums and at the end she called me over and she said when I was a little girl, I wanted to play the drums and my dad wouldn't let me, I had to wait 80 years before the dreams, right? I love it. And so just the idea that it's never too late that if there's something that you want to be doing and now you're retired or you're closer to retirement when your hours are down, not to count things out, right?

And it takes sometimes a little bit of effort to make things happen. You might have to find where there's an event, you might have to check the schedule, you might have to arrange for transportation. So there's ADHD related steps, but we can overcome those things- 

 ... 

so that we can find ways for you to be able to do things that you're gonna love and have fun doing.

And I, and to your point, and that's one of the reasons that I'm doing this podcast is, that until you cannot enjoy life, at all, there's always going to be something that you can enjoy. Yeah. and it's never too late to know yourself or to learn something or to, understand yourself.

 I always end with that, but I do wanna ask you one more question that you sent to me because I'm really curious. your question was, how does ADHD impact the things we enjoy and the way we have fun and not just traditional productivity? 

Yeah. I think that's a lot of what I just said is related to that, right?

I think that first of all, it's amazing to me how many people, especially my older clients don't know what they love, right? So step one is, what do you like to do? The number of times people say to me, "Hmm, I, I don't know. " 

Right? 

 Because especially I think more so as women, we tend to be, again, people pleasers, nurturers, so we tend to spend a lot of time on what our kids like and, what people expect from us.

So figuring out what is it that you love is a big deal- 

 ... 

and making sure to structure your life so that you can not just do the thing, but clear the space to do the thing, to make sure that you're, the things that have to be done are getting done in a way that's smooth, that's low pressure, that fits with the rhythms of our lives- 

 so that we're not exhausted from the stuff we have to do. 

And then we, I think it does take planning to figure out how do I make this happen? I've always wanted to do pottery. How do I make it happen? How do I find the place? How do I get engaged? And I think that we do have to plan for the fun things just as much as we plan for the not fun things or the productivity kinds of things.

Yeah. That's great. Any, first of all, let us know how we can find you. If somebody, connects with you and wants to work with you as a coach, how can they find you? 

Yeah. apparently they can just call me and my unrelated iPad will ring like crazy. I am, you can find me at my, my website is your ADHDpath.com.

 is my website. I always joke I made it myself, don't, I'm not a website designer. And you can email me at shell@yourhadhdpath.com. I don't have a lot of social media right now. I've been going through some changes in how I'm doing that. I've always been a one-on-one coach.

 and I've been mostly referrals is how I get most of my clients- as it's turned out. And so I've ignored the social media space, but I'm getting ready to hop in a little bit more. Ugh. we're gonna see about that. 

Yeah, it's not my favorite part. I would rather just interview everybody all day, write 

books- I know.

I know. But, but I understand it's part of the deal. But your ADHDpath.com is how to track me down. 

Great. Any parting, words to our listeners, again, a lot of them are coming to this late life discovery, mixed with grief and relief finally makes sense. What would you say? 

Yeah. I think the one thing that really sticks out to me today is that you get to decide what success looks like.

You get to decide, and especially in this season for a lot of people- ... you get to decide what this time of your life is about, what you want to be doing what, what's important to you and what's fun to you, you get to decide what success looks like. And I think that, that really letting that kind of sink in helps us to do with our time the right things for us.

I love that. And, I always end my power, you might not know, but I always end the podcast saying, I'm all about being here so that you can make the rest of your life the best of your life. So- Yeah. ... I don't think I need to say anything more. Thanks so much for joining me, Shelly. Thank you for listening.

Oh, thank you for having 

me. And, again, just if you enjoyed this podcast, please like it, share it and find us at the Grandmaha's ADHD Facebook page and, yeah, that's it. Thanks.

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